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I was in the local phone box (around here we call them emergency toilets) when I saw a couple of cards pinned up. I scanned across them and among the ‘Phone Mystique you dirty boy’ cards I saw a nice little white and red one. I looked at it and funnily enough I saw a Special Reserve logo scribbled onto the front. As well as this logo (which I could only make out to be some sort of splat) was a phone number. I rang it as a prank call. Some one answered…
Hybrid: Mystique baby!!! Hi!
Me: Eh?
Hybrid: Hang on a sec, unless Mystiques voice has got higher then your not Mystique.
Me: Higher you say? This must be one butch woman.
Hybrid: Oh yeah, she sure…I mean, Oi! How dare you! Stop doing these
prank calls. How would you like it having to sit in a padded cell all day taking calls from morons asking about why their copy of Final Fantasy X has coffee stains all over it?
Me: I would like it.
Hybrid: Ok, you come to Harlow and you can go on the phone lines for the day!
So I did…
First call…
Reddy: Hi it’s Reddy here.
Me: Um, hello.
Reddy: Don’t you get all nice with me!
Me: Fine.
Reddy: My Crazy Taxi copy doesn’t work!
Me: And?
Reddy: And, I want you to do something about it.
Me: Bye.
Reddy: Come on! I aint been banned for 99 days!
Me: Bye.
Reddy: You’ll be hearing from Chris!
Me: Chris?
Reddy: Don’t get all smart with me loser! Chris is my monkey. (Cow noises in the background) I have to go, he wants feeding.
Second call…
J Savo: Mumblehiiiserehellomumble.
Me: You what?!?!
J Savo: Mumbleitismemumble
Me: OK, I’m afraid I don’t have Harlow Hospitals number.
J Savo: (Womans voice in background- “Darling you have the phone upside down.”) Oh thank you mummy darling.
Me: OK, now we know which way to hold a phone, can you get on with the question?
J Savo: Hewwo, it’s wegarding the Game A Day compwetition. How come I didn’t win? My post had 30 more weplies than that silly man Mr RM18’s.
Me: We don’t dish out games to losers that post why stupid bands with bearded Muppets as their lead singers (Nickelback) are the best bands in the world.
J Savo: Waah! Mummy!
Third call…
Lord H: You stink!
Me: Pardon?
Lord H: Screw the world!! Life sucks!! You should all drink urine, losers!!
Me: Why you little…
Lord H: Screw you. You all hate me, I hate you!! Stupid Quinty!!
Me: Hang on a sec. Whats Quinty got to do with this?
Lord H: Screw Quinty!! Screw the world!! Life sucks!! You should all drink urine, losers!!
Fourth call:
Asher D: Hi, the nice people at Game told me that I should get Jet Ion GP. Do you have it?
Me: No, don’t be stupid.
Asher D: You mean you have actually sold some copies!?!
Me: Yes, we even occasionally sell Xbox’s here. Rarely.
Asher D: So can I buy it?
Me: No, like I said, we don’t have it.
Asher D: Wha…..
Me: You heard, get back into your cell!
Asher D: I have a gun and I am not scared to use it.
Me: I know, I do read the papers.
Fifth call:
Me: Hello?
Mystique: Hello Hybry Dybry. Your voice sounds rough today, just how I like it!
Me: (I played along) Well Heeello. (Hybrid: Gimme that phone now!) Wha…
Hybrid: Hello, (Puts down phone) Nath get stuffed.
Mystique: What’s happened? You don’t sound as macho as a few seconds ago…
So that was the last call I took. Hybrid and Mystique were on the phone the rest of the day so I couldn’t get close. But as well as those calls there were a few others, so here goes some special mentions.
AfroJoe- Asked if we stock Haggis. I said ‘no’ but managed to flog him a tartan kilt instead. He was well impressed.
Mattt (Hercules)- Wanted to know if Schroeder was there. I said ‘no, could I take a message?’ but he didn’t have time. He’d already been away from his computer for two minutes.
Shaneo- Yes. Dave his ‘friend’ faxed me his picture and scared half the staff to death. So I did this (copy the link).
www.geocities.com/natbuc1/shaneo.html
Remember, this is the SR forums supposed worst enemy. How I laughed.
The Flying Hawkster- Wanted to know if the new 15 year deal with Tony Hawk and Activision was real. When I said yes he pre-ordered all 15 next-gen Tony Hawk games. Wonderful.
Rickoss- Wondered if we had a spare projector he could have cheap.
er-no- Wanted to know if he could come and film himself jumping off the top of the headquarters…nude. Tony wouldn’t approve.
Mrs Snuggly- Snuggly forgot his lunch...purposely… so he had an excuse to go to McDonalds to get the last Happy Meal toy. Mrs Snuggly was not impressed.
DW- Continuously kept asking if he could have a stupid SRW forum. What is he fed on!?!?
Meka Dragon- For some reason he rang up to claim his GAD. There was some confusion on which GAD it was he was claiming, his 71st or his 72nd?
ShadowDragon- Wondered if he could borrow Loki for his next spoof. Loki said ‘no’, he hates Kilroy
Mandatare- Was angry at a JAT that stole his name. Wanted me to tell him who it was. I laughed in his face.
Nh- Also angry at a certain JAT. Told him this was nothing to be ringing customer services about and banned him.
Major Chip Hazard- Rang me up and told me he loved me. I was scared; I locked the doors and windows.
PS2_Proud- Read above. Where do they get these people from?
Rosalind- Told me she was scared of the staring sexist faces in GameStation so she ordered from us.
Goatboy- Wanted to ask my expert opinion on how good Prisoner Of War is. I told him it was good, and prayed.
Ant- Rang up because he felt left out of the spoof.
So there you go. All in a days work for the SR staff. Lucky them.
Thanks for reading,
Nath.
Hybrid: Mystique baby!!! Hi!
Me: Eh?
Hybrid: Hang on a sec, unless Mystiques voice has got higher then your not Mystique.
Me: Higher you say? This must be one butch woman.
Hybrid: Oh yeah, she sure…I mean, Oi! How dare you! Stop doing these
prank calls. How would you like it having to sit in a padded cell all day taking calls from morons asking about why their copy of Final Fantasy X has coffee stains all over it?
Me: I would like it.
Hybrid: Ok, you come to Harlow and you can go on the phone lines for the day!
So I did…
First call…
Reddy: Hi it’s Reddy here.
Me: Um, hello.
Reddy: Don’t you get all nice with me!
Me: Fine.
Reddy: My Crazy Taxi copy doesn’t work!
Me: And?
Reddy: And, I want you to do something about it.
Me: Bye.
Reddy: Come on! I aint been banned for 99 days!
Me: Bye.
Reddy: You’ll be hearing from Chris!
Me: Chris?
Reddy: Don’t get all smart with me loser! Chris is my monkey. (Cow noises in the background) I have to go, he wants feeding.
Second call…
J Savo: Mumblehiiiserehellomumble.
Me: You what?!?!
J Savo: Mumbleitismemumble
Me: OK, I’m afraid I don’t have Harlow Hospitals number.
J Savo: (Womans voice in background- “Darling you have the phone upside down.”) Oh thank you mummy darling.
Me: OK, now we know which way to hold a phone, can you get on with the question?
J Savo: Hewwo, it’s wegarding the Game A Day compwetition. How come I didn’t win? My post had 30 more weplies than that silly man Mr RM18’s.
Me: We don’t dish out games to losers that post why stupid bands with bearded Muppets as their lead singers (Nickelback) are the best bands in the world.
J Savo: Waah! Mummy!
Third call…
Lord H: You stink!
Me: Pardon?
Lord H: Screw the world!! Life sucks!! You should all drink urine, losers!!
Me: Why you little…
Lord H: Screw you. You all hate me, I hate you!! Stupid Quinty!!
Me: Hang on a sec. Whats Quinty got to do with this?
Lord H: Screw Quinty!! Screw the world!! Life sucks!! You should all drink urine, losers!!
Fourth call:
Asher D: Hi, the nice people at Game told me that I should get Jet Ion GP. Do you have it?
Me: No, don’t be stupid.
Asher D: You mean you have actually sold some copies!?!
Me: Yes, we even occasionally sell Xbox’s here. Rarely.
Asher D: So can I buy it?
Me: No, like I said, we don’t have it.
Asher D: Wha…..
Me: You heard, get back into your cell!
Asher D: I have a gun and I am not scared to use it.
Me: I know, I do read the papers.
Fifth call:
Me: Hello?
Mystique: Hello Hybry Dybry. Your voice sounds rough today, just how I like it!
Me: (I played along) Well Heeello. (Hybrid: Gimme that phone now!) Wha…
Hybrid: Hello, (Puts down phone) Nath get stuffed.
Mystique: What’s happened? You don’t sound as macho as a few seconds ago…
So that was the last call I took. Hybrid and Mystique were on the phone the rest of the day so I couldn’t get close. But as well as those calls there were a few others, so here goes some special mentions.
AfroJoe- Asked if we stock Haggis. I said ‘no’ but managed to flog him a tartan kilt instead. He was well impressed.
Mattt (Hercules)- Wanted to know if Schroeder was there. I said ‘no, could I take a message?’ but he didn’t have time. He’d already been away from his computer for two minutes.
Shaneo- Yes. Dave his ‘friend’ faxed me his picture and scared half the staff to death. So I did this (copy the link).
www.geocities.com/natbuc1/shaneo.html
Remember, this is the SR forums supposed worst enemy. How I laughed.
The Flying Hawkster- Wanted to know if the new 15 year deal with Tony Hawk and Activision was real. When I said yes he pre-ordered all 15 next-gen Tony Hawk games. Wonderful.
Rickoss- Wondered if we had a spare projector he could have cheap.
er-no- Wanted to know if he could come and film himself jumping off the top of the headquarters…nude. Tony wouldn’t approve.
Mrs Snuggly- Snuggly forgot his lunch...purposely… so he had an excuse to go to McDonalds to get the last Happy Meal toy. Mrs Snuggly was not impressed.
DW- Continuously kept asking if he could have a stupid SRW forum. What is he fed on!?!?
Meka Dragon- For some reason he rang up to claim his GAD. There was some confusion on which GAD it was he was claiming, his 71st or his 72nd?
ShadowDragon- Wondered if he could borrow Loki for his next spoof. Loki said ‘no’, he hates Kilroy
Mandatare- Was angry at a JAT that stole his name. Wanted me to tell him who it was. I laughed in his face.
Nh- Also angry at a certain JAT. Told him this was nothing to be ringing customer services about and banned him.
Major Chip Hazard- Rang me up and told me he loved me. I was scared; I locked the doors and windows.
PS2_Proud- Read above. Where do they get these people from?
Rosalind- Told me she was scared of the staring sexist faces in GameStation so she ordered from us.
Goatboy- Wanted to ask my expert opinion on how good Prisoner Of War is. I told him it was good, and prayed.
Ant- Rang up because he felt left out of the spoof.
So there you go. All in a days work for the SR staff. Lucky them.
Thanks for reading,
Nath.
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Good post Natbuc, funny with the part about M word at the start of J Savo's convo onthe phone.
Heh, thanks you four. :)
Heh excellent stuff
LOL. Yay i was in a spoof.
"Reddy: Don’t get all smart with me loser! Chris is my monkey. (Cow noises in the background) I have to go, he wants feeding."
Ha ha, that made me laugh
Anyway, excellent post here, well done
Ha ha, that made me laugh
Anyway, excellent post here, well done
Thats is insulting. I've only seen the advert and I hate the stupid thing. Doen't it just want to make you hate babies?
Beefcake wrote:
> It's as funny as My Hero on BBC One. No really it is!
What an insult!! Are you going to sit back and take this?
I wouldn't.
> It's as funny as My Hero on BBC One. No really it is!
What an insult!! Are you going to sit back and take this?
I wouldn't.
Quite cool actually :o)
It's a funny as My Hero on BBC One. No really it is!
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