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After a recent trip (outside the house), I decided to walk a different way home, when I came across an advert for a chat show. I wasn’t concentrating very well and I thought it said “Jerry Springer – Live In The UK.” However, what it actually said was “Jeremy Singer – Live In The UK.” Unaware of the mistake I had made, I thought to myself, “ I loved watching the American version,” so I read the advert further. It said that the show would be coming from somewhere near me, so I decided to buy a ticket to be in the audience. Little did I know what I was letting myself in for. Here is what happened…
I got to the show and seemed to be the first one there. They let me into the studio and I chose one of the best seats – close to the front, but not so close as to be hit by any projectile chairs or the like – before the rest of the audience entered. Finally, once the whole audience had arrived, the preparation team came out and started to get us in the mood. Then, (what seemed to be) the chief prep guy introduced the host. I was confused. “Jeremy Singer?” I muttered. The guy next to me looked at me funny as if to say “Are you sure you’re in the right place pal?” I quickly came to the conclusion that I must have misheard the chief prep guy and, so, I cheered along with the rest of the audience.
The host entered onto the stage. It was then that I realised it was not the show I thought I wanted to see. I looked over to the bald guy, who I thought was Steve, the main security guy. He looked around and didn’t look like the Steve I knew at all. The host began to speak, just at the point when I was getting so disappointed that I felt like I wanted to leave. “That’s weird,” I thought, “He sounds just like Jerry Springer and he talks the same way, too.” I decided to stay and watch the show. After all, I did pay £20 for the ticket. I sat down with the rest of the audience as the host started the show.
“Welcome everyone. Welcome. Today’s show is about characters who have a strange love story to tell.”
“Characters?” I thought, “He must mean people.”
“They say they cannot control themselves and always resort to violence when trying to solve their love problems,” the host continued.
The audience started to boo and hiss. I decided to join in. We quietened down and Jeremy went on.
“Let’s meet our first guest. He says it’s not his fault he always gets into fights over love. He says that other people attack him and all he can do is defend. He says that he can’t control his emotions. Let’s welcome Bowser.”
Some of the audience cheer, but some remain silent, or applaud, at Bowser as he walks onto the stage. I was extremely confused. “Bowser? He’s a computer game character. What’s going on?” Sure as anything, though, Bowser himself walks out looking very upset. I wasn’t booing or cheering, just clapping, as Bowser sat down on the chair, centre stage.
“Now your name’s Bowser, right?” asked Jeremy.
“Yes,” Bowser replied.
“Tell us about how you got into this fight over love.”
“Well, I was trying to get a date with a princess. She doesn’t like me though.” The audience sympathetically respond, “Awww,” as Bowser continues. “She’s changed her name so many times because she wants to avoid me. Then this Mario guy comes along and starts attacking me saying I’m hitting on his girl. I think he’s just jealous.”
Some of the crowd respond sympathetically, but some laugh. Jeremy asks one of them why.
“Look at him. He’s damn ugly. He couldn’t get a girl even if he offered one money!” replies the man. The audience uproar. I looked at Bowser and he started to look very angry, but Jeremy asked him another question.
“So, when he attacks you, you defend yourself and that’s how the fights start.”
“Well, if I didn’t defend myself, I’d probably be black and blue from bruises,” replied the overgrown lizard.
“Well, let’s meet Princess Peach and see what she has to say. Please welcome Princess Peach.”
The audience cheer as the princess walks out onto the stage.
“I’m a princess, and I’m da bomb, honey! I can’t be seen going around with that by my side! He look like he was in Jurassic Park or summat!” says Peach, as she looks towards Bowser and sits down.
The audience cheer. Some wolf whistle. Bowser doesn’t respond. Jeremy then asks her why she treats him the way she does.
“Well honey. I’m not gonna let some freak show scrub follow mean all day. I mean, I KNOW I can do better than THAT!” she says, sounding like a black woman with attitude.
“Are you seeing anyone now?” asks Jeremy.
“You know I am, sugar.”
The audience briefly cheer again before Jeremy continues, “Well, who he is?”
“Well… He’s so talented an all. He’s a doctor and a plumber. He plays golf and he kart races. Oh, oh, AND he’s Italian.”
The women in the audience cheer.
“It is Mario then!” screamed Bowser, “All this time, you lied to me!”
“So what if I did? Here’s another lie. You’re god damn gorgeous!”
“Here’s Mario!” announces Jeremy.
Mario casually walks out onto the stage and the audience respond with a mixture of cheers and boos. He looks into the audience and shows his usual gesture to the ones that cheered. The he reverses it for the ones that didn’t, which sparks up more disapproving response.
“She’s-a with me Bowser. Stay away from-a her!” says Mario.
“Mario?” asks Jeremy, “Bowser has been telling us that you are always beating him up. Why is that?”
“Well, it’s-a simple. Bowser keeps-a kidnapping the princess-a”
The crowd boo.
“Is this true?” Jeremy asks Bowser.
“Well, yeah, but only ‘cause I love her.”
“Eurgh, get a life!” says Peach disgustingly. “Lo-ser!”
The audience laugh at Bowser and continually chant, “lo-ser.” Some of them make an ‘L’ shape with their fingers and hold it up. Jeremy interrupts them.
“Now then. There’s someone else here, who would like to see you Peach. I believe you know who he is. Yoshi?”
“Yeah, I know him. Why does he want to see me?” she asks.
“Well, let’s bring him on out and see. Please welcome Yoshi to the stage.”
Yoshi walks out and the crowd cheer. Again, I join in. Although, I was thinking to myself, “What the hell is going on?”
“Well?” Peach asks, looking at Yoshi with attitude.
“I’ve been hanging out with the mushrooms,” Yoshi replies.
“So? Everyone knows you and Toad are friends.”
“No. The mushrooms. The magic ones.”
“Not again. I thought we got you off drugs for good. First it was that damn ‘Super Happy Tree.’ Now this.”
“Excuse me, but what has this got to do with fighting over love?” asks Jeremy.
“Wha’?” asks Yoshi.
“This show is about the violent love life of Mario and Peach. Do you have anything to add?”
“No”
“I have-a something to add,” says a voice in the background.
“Who is that?” asks Jeremy.
A tall figure walks out onto the stage. “Me. Luigi.”
Mario looks at him confused. Bowser is biting his claws. Yoshi seems to be half-asleep on the other side of the stage, and Peach is holding her head in her hands. One of the security guys brings out a chair and Luigi sits down.
“Welcome to the show. You’re Luigi, right?” Jeremy asks.
“Yes.”
“What is it that you wanted to add?”
“Mario. Look at Peach-a. She is-a looking very embarrassed-a. Shall I tell-a you why?”
The crowd chant “Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?!”
“She has-a been secretly with me. Ho ho!”
The audience are amazed and begin to chant Luigi’s name. Jeremy shushes them.
“Do you get involved in any fights because of this, Luigi?”
“I’ve been caught-a up in this from the start-a. My brother and I always have to run around trying to get-a her back-a from Bowser. She thanks-a him, but then comes-a to me. I only fight Bowser.”
“Is that right?” asks Mario, as he lunges at his brother.
The bald security guy (who I thought was Steve) jumps on him. The crowd chant his real name. “Stephan! Stephan! Stephan! Stephan!” Jeremy quickly calms them as Stephan and Mario sit back down.
“Ya know what Jeremy? I’m gonna go back to my castle with both these guys ‘cause none of them want to lose ME!” announces Peach.
“She’s-a mine, fat boy!” shouts Luigi.
“It’s-a me, Mario. I’m-a much more famous than-a you, lanky!” Mario says fighting back.
Jeremy takes over, “OK gang. It’s obvious this isn’t going to be settled any time soon. I think, Bowser, you’ll have to realise she isn’t interested in you. Peach, you need to stop making Bowser feel bad and sort out which guy you want. You can’t have both.”
Jeremy pauses as the audience cheer. Just as they start to settle down, he announces the commercials to the camera. The cheers continue and the theme music plays. During those 5 minutes, a group of stylists and make-up artists came into the studio and done all the guests up for the cameras. The stage was re-arranged and, finally, the theme music played again. One thing I noticed when the music played was that, even after it had finished, the recording lights on the cameras did not come on. I thought to myself, “Is this really live?” That question was answered very quickly. It wasn’t being broadcast live, but it was being show to the public live. The reason I know why is because after everyone sat down following the theme music, they announced that it was time for the final thoughts. I thought, “What, already?” They told us that, for the TV, they edit some old stuff in and super-impose the present guests into the ending. “Well, that’s what you get for a cheap rip-off show,” I thought. Anyway, Jeremy walked over to ‘the chair’ and did his speech.
“Thanks to all you guys for being here today. I hope it all works out well for you in the future,” he says as he turns to the camera. “Well gang. We’ve seen some mad characters today. By that, I mean annoyed. As you know, violence is not the best solution for love rows. We have Bowser here, who it seems has had violence caught up into his feelings. All he did was show them, and he was attacked for them. We often saw him as the enemy when, in actual fact, the enemy was more likely the obsessive man, Mario. Perhaps Mario has other intentions other than to be married to the woman he is so obviously in love with. Perhaps he wants to be the next king. Mario sees Bowser as a threat and so bullies him into giving up trying, even though Bowser’s efforts are in vain. As for Luigi, he has come up trumps in this love lottery. Peach has gone to him because he is the only one not trying to be with her. Now, she says she wants them both. As for the fighting, so what if these characters have uncontrollably violent personalities? Boxers, martial arts fighters and wrestlers all have venues custom made for their violent sports. That’s OK. Could we create a venue for violence that is sprung from within the heart, rather than within the sport? I think so. Today, this studio has even acted as a stage for that violence. My advice to you guys is to try and vent your anger out on each other in tournaments until you all lose the will to fight. Yes, that’s right. I’m promoting violence here, but that’s only because it may do you some good. Go ahead. FIGHT! That’s it for now guys. Take care of yourselves… and each other. Good night!”
The audience cheered and applauded as Jeremy Singer went up to the characters on the stage to thank them for being on the show. However, I noticed something in Mario’s eyes. He seemed very worked up and aggressive. Out of nowhere, he jumped up and attacked Peach and Luigi simultaneously. The three fought and the stage turned into another huge brawl. Jeremy quickly got out of the fight and ran out of the studio. The audience started to chant for their favourite character. I decided enough was enough and I left the studio. There were cameras outside for those that wanted to leave a message for the host. I ran past them and out of the building. All I could hear in the background were banging noises and screams of pain.
So there you have it. A simple mistake that I made whilst reading a stupid poster got me into all this. I tried to go the same way home as when I found the advert. I couldn’t find it, though, and I never have since. It really was an out-of-this-world experience. Thankfully, though, I think Jeremy Singer retired after that episode, or died, or something. Heh, Jeremy Singer? Anyone would think I was a friend of Yoshi’s, too. Or dreaming, or something…
Thanx for dreaming, I mean reading... READING!
-Shadow-Dragon-
I got to the show and seemed to be the first one there. They let me into the studio and I chose one of the best seats – close to the front, but not so close as to be hit by any projectile chairs or the like – before the rest of the audience entered. Finally, once the whole audience had arrived, the preparation team came out and started to get us in the mood. Then, (what seemed to be) the chief prep guy introduced the host. I was confused. “Jeremy Singer?” I muttered. The guy next to me looked at me funny as if to say “Are you sure you’re in the right place pal?” I quickly came to the conclusion that I must have misheard the chief prep guy and, so, I cheered along with the rest of the audience.
The host entered onto the stage. It was then that I realised it was not the show I thought I wanted to see. I looked over to the bald guy, who I thought was Steve, the main security guy. He looked around and didn’t look like the Steve I knew at all. The host began to speak, just at the point when I was getting so disappointed that I felt like I wanted to leave. “That’s weird,” I thought, “He sounds just like Jerry Springer and he talks the same way, too.” I decided to stay and watch the show. After all, I did pay £20 for the ticket. I sat down with the rest of the audience as the host started the show.
“Welcome everyone. Welcome. Today’s show is about characters who have a strange love story to tell.”
“Characters?” I thought, “He must mean people.”
“They say they cannot control themselves and always resort to violence when trying to solve their love problems,” the host continued.
The audience started to boo and hiss. I decided to join in. We quietened down and Jeremy went on.
“Let’s meet our first guest. He says it’s not his fault he always gets into fights over love. He says that other people attack him and all he can do is defend. He says that he can’t control his emotions. Let’s welcome Bowser.”
Some of the audience cheer, but some remain silent, or applaud, at Bowser as he walks onto the stage. I was extremely confused. “Bowser? He’s a computer game character. What’s going on?” Sure as anything, though, Bowser himself walks out looking very upset. I wasn’t booing or cheering, just clapping, as Bowser sat down on the chair, centre stage.
“Now your name’s Bowser, right?” asked Jeremy.
“Yes,” Bowser replied.
“Tell us about how you got into this fight over love.”
“Well, I was trying to get a date with a princess. She doesn’t like me though.” The audience sympathetically respond, “Awww,” as Bowser continues. “She’s changed her name so many times because she wants to avoid me. Then this Mario guy comes along and starts attacking me saying I’m hitting on his girl. I think he’s just jealous.”
Some of the crowd respond sympathetically, but some laugh. Jeremy asks one of them why.
“Look at him. He’s damn ugly. He couldn’t get a girl even if he offered one money!” replies the man. The audience uproar. I looked at Bowser and he started to look very angry, but Jeremy asked him another question.
“So, when he attacks you, you defend yourself and that’s how the fights start.”
“Well, if I didn’t defend myself, I’d probably be black and blue from bruises,” replied the overgrown lizard.
“Well, let’s meet Princess Peach and see what she has to say. Please welcome Princess Peach.”
The audience cheer as the princess walks out onto the stage.
“I’m a princess, and I’m da bomb, honey! I can’t be seen going around with that by my side! He look like he was in Jurassic Park or summat!” says Peach, as she looks towards Bowser and sits down.
The audience cheer. Some wolf whistle. Bowser doesn’t respond. Jeremy then asks her why she treats him the way she does.
“Well honey. I’m not gonna let some freak show scrub follow mean all day. I mean, I KNOW I can do better than THAT!” she says, sounding like a black woman with attitude.
“Are you seeing anyone now?” asks Jeremy.
“You know I am, sugar.”
The audience briefly cheer again before Jeremy continues, “Well, who he is?”
“Well… He’s so talented an all. He’s a doctor and a plumber. He plays golf and he kart races. Oh, oh, AND he’s Italian.”
The women in the audience cheer.
“It is Mario then!” screamed Bowser, “All this time, you lied to me!”
“So what if I did? Here’s another lie. You’re god damn gorgeous!”
“Here’s Mario!” announces Jeremy.
Mario casually walks out onto the stage and the audience respond with a mixture of cheers and boos. He looks into the audience and shows his usual gesture to the ones that cheered. The he reverses it for the ones that didn’t, which sparks up more disapproving response.
“She’s-a with me Bowser. Stay away from-a her!” says Mario.
“Mario?” asks Jeremy, “Bowser has been telling us that you are always beating him up. Why is that?”
“Well, it’s-a simple. Bowser keeps-a kidnapping the princess-a”
The crowd boo.
“Is this true?” Jeremy asks Bowser.
“Well, yeah, but only ‘cause I love her.”
“Eurgh, get a life!” says Peach disgustingly. “Lo-ser!”
The audience laugh at Bowser and continually chant, “lo-ser.” Some of them make an ‘L’ shape with their fingers and hold it up. Jeremy interrupts them.
“Now then. There’s someone else here, who would like to see you Peach. I believe you know who he is. Yoshi?”
“Yeah, I know him. Why does he want to see me?” she asks.
“Well, let’s bring him on out and see. Please welcome Yoshi to the stage.”
Yoshi walks out and the crowd cheer. Again, I join in. Although, I was thinking to myself, “What the hell is going on?”
“Well?” Peach asks, looking at Yoshi with attitude.
“I’ve been hanging out with the mushrooms,” Yoshi replies.
“So? Everyone knows you and Toad are friends.”
“No. The mushrooms. The magic ones.”
“Not again. I thought we got you off drugs for good. First it was that damn ‘Super Happy Tree.’ Now this.”
“Excuse me, but what has this got to do with fighting over love?” asks Jeremy.
“Wha’?” asks Yoshi.
“This show is about the violent love life of Mario and Peach. Do you have anything to add?”
“No”
“I have-a something to add,” says a voice in the background.
“Who is that?” asks Jeremy.
A tall figure walks out onto the stage. “Me. Luigi.”
Mario looks at him confused. Bowser is biting his claws. Yoshi seems to be half-asleep on the other side of the stage, and Peach is holding her head in her hands. One of the security guys brings out a chair and Luigi sits down.
“Welcome to the show. You’re Luigi, right?” Jeremy asks.
“Yes.”
“What is it that you wanted to add?”
“Mario. Look at Peach-a. She is-a looking very embarrassed-a. Shall I tell-a you why?”
The crowd chant “Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?!”
“She has-a been secretly with me. Ho ho!”
The audience are amazed and begin to chant Luigi’s name. Jeremy shushes them.
“Do you get involved in any fights because of this, Luigi?”
“I’ve been caught-a up in this from the start-a. My brother and I always have to run around trying to get-a her back-a from Bowser. She thanks-a him, but then comes-a to me. I only fight Bowser.”
“Is that right?” asks Mario, as he lunges at his brother.
The bald security guy (who I thought was Steve) jumps on him. The crowd chant his real name. “Stephan! Stephan! Stephan! Stephan!” Jeremy quickly calms them as Stephan and Mario sit back down.
“Ya know what Jeremy? I’m gonna go back to my castle with both these guys ‘cause none of them want to lose ME!” announces Peach.
“She’s-a mine, fat boy!” shouts Luigi.
“It’s-a me, Mario. I’m-a much more famous than-a you, lanky!” Mario says fighting back.
Jeremy takes over, “OK gang. It’s obvious this isn’t going to be settled any time soon. I think, Bowser, you’ll have to realise she isn’t interested in you. Peach, you need to stop making Bowser feel bad and sort out which guy you want. You can’t have both.”
Jeremy pauses as the audience cheer. Just as they start to settle down, he announces the commercials to the camera. The cheers continue and the theme music plays. During those 5 minutes, a group of stylists and make-up artists came into the studio and done all the guests up for the cameras. The stage was re-arranged and, finally, the theme music played again. One thing I noticed when the music played was that, even after it had finished, the recording lights on the cameras did not come on. I thought to myself, “Is this really live?” That question was answered very quickly. It wasn’t being broadcast live, but it was being show to the public live. The reason I know why is because after everyone sat down following the theme music, they announced that it was time for the final thoughts. I thought, “What, already?” They told us that, for the TV, they edit some old stuff in and super-impose the present guests into the ending. “Well, that’s what you get for a cheap rip-off show,” I thought. Anyway, Jeremy walked over to ‘the chair’ and did his speech.
“Thanks to all you guys for being here today. I hope it all works out well for you in the future,” he says as he turns to the camera. “Well gang. We’ve seen some mad characters today. By that, I mean annoyed. As you know, violence is not the best solution for love rows. We have Bowser here, who it seems has had violence caught up into his feelings. All he did was show them, and he was attacked for them. We often saw him as the enemy when, in actual fact, the enemy was more likely the obsessive man, Mario. Perhaps Mario has other intentions other than to be married to the woman he is so obviously in love with. Perhaps he wants to be the next king. Mario sees Bowser as a threat and so bullies him into giving up trying, even though Bowser’s efforts are in vain. As for Luigi, he has come up trumps in this love lottery. Peach has gone to him because he is the only one not trying to be with her. Now, she says she wants them both. As for the fighting, so what if these characters have uncontrollably violent personalities? Boxers, martial arts fighters and wrestlers all have venues custom made for their violent sports. That’s OK. Could we create a venue for violence that is sprung from within the heart, rather than within the sport? I think so. Today, this studio has even acted as a stage for that violence. My advice to you guys is to try and vent your anger out on each other in tournaments until you all lose the will to fight. Yes, that’s right. I’m promoting violence here, but that’s only because it may do you some good. Go ahead. FIGHT! That’s it for now guys. Take care of yourselves… and each other. Good night!”
The audience cheered and applauded as Jeremy Singer went up to the characters on the stage to thank them for being on the show. However, I noticed something in Mario’s eyes. He seemed very worked up and aggressive. Out of nowhere, he jumped up and attacked Peach and Luigi simultaneously. The three fought and the stage turned into another huge brawl. Jeremy quickly got out of the fight and ran out of the studio. The audience started to chant for their favourite character. I decided enough was enough and I left the studio. There were cameras outside for those that wanted to leave a message for the host. I ran past them and out of the building. All I could hear in the background were banging noises and screams of pain.
So there you have it. A simple mistake that I made whilst reading a stupid poster got me into all this. I tried to go the same way home as when I found the advert. I couldn’t find it, though, and I never have since. It really was an out-of-this-world experience. Thankfully, though, I think Jeremy Singer retired after that episode, or died, or something. Heh, Jeremy Singer? Anyone would think I was a friend of Yoshi’s, too. Or dreaming, or something…
Thanx for dreaming, I mean reading... READING!
-Shadow-Dragon-
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Well done ShadowDragon.
Nice thing to have when you become a regular - a new game waiting for you to pick it. :D
Nice thing to have when you become a regular - a new game waiting for you to pick it. :D
Well you saddo you've made it pretty obvious that you watch the Jerry Springer show on every possible occasion (Only Kidding Jerry Springer was a staple of my TV diet while I was at University).
Anyway congratulations on a Wikkid post! Hope you scoop the GAD for today. (Bloody nOObs ;))
"you know who" :p
Anyway congratulations on a Wikkid post! Hope you scoop the GAD for today. (Bloody nOObs ;))
"you know who" :p
Great post ShadowDragon. I wouldn't say it was your best to date, but very funny nonetheless.
Good luck for GameADay.
Good luck for GameADay.
ShadowDragonm there ain't nothin' to worry about, mate.
Your eyes will soon be dazzled by the bright, golden light reflected from your beautifully golden post.
Remember, tomorrow, or possibly Tuesday, wear sunglasses. :D
Your eyes will soon be dazzled by the bright, golden light reflected from your beautifully golden post.
Remember, tomorrow, or possibly Tuesday, wear sunglasses. :D
ShadowDragon wrote:
> Time_Warp wrote:
> You've gone and jinxed it! Thats gonna take a whole bag of biscuits
> for me to unjinx...(:)
> -----
> What is it with you and biscuits? Ah well. Would you accept a tub of
> chocolate digestives?
Well you offered me them first. My favourite is cadbury Fudges! MMMM!!!! (:)
> Time_Warp wrote:
> You've gone and jinxed it! Thats gonna take a whole bag of biscuits
> for me to unjinx...(:)
> -----
> What is it with you and biscuits? Ah well. Would you accept a tub of
> chocolate digestives?
Well you offered me them first. My favourite is cadbury Fudges! MMMM!!!! (:)
Shocktrooper wrote:
> What challenge, Afro?
> If there's challenge good enough to beat this beauty of a post, I'd
> like to see it!
>
> Well done, ShadowDragon :)
---
There won't be one. I was thinking he posted this yesterday, when there were lots of good posts, but he posted it today, when there weren't many.
:-)
> What challenge, Afro?
> If there's challenge good enough to beat this beauty of a post, I'd
> like to see it!
>
> Well done, ShadowDragon :)
---
There won't be one. I was thinking he posted this yesterday, when there were lots of good posts, but he posted it today, when there weren't many.
:-)
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