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It emerged today that Microsoft Chairman and founder , Bill Gates, has suffered the amputation of both his nipples following a freak accident at an X-box production plant this morning. What makes the incident all the more sobering is that Gates was the victim of a prank that backfired with tragic consequences for both man and mammaries.
The background to this story focuses on one bored billionaire, who had run out of ideas of things to spend his fortune on. He had it all: a next-generation house run by computers, a vaccination program in central Africa, and even a wall-mounted "Billy Bass" that sung "Don't worry, be happy" on demand to the amusement of all the billionaire's guests. But this billionaire wanted more; he wanted it all. Then one day he stumbled upon the ingenious idea of having computer ports implanted into his nipples. After debating the virtues and logistical problems of the variety of ports on offer said billionaire opted to have a USB port in his right nipple, for "plug-and-play functionality", and a Ethernet port in the other nipple "for rapid data transfer". In any other society he would have been branded a freak, but in the community of geeks and nerds at Microsoft he was embraced as a visionary, even though a use for his nipples had not yet been discovered.
That was until the advent of the X-box. Having read an article on breast-feeding, Gates realised that by electronically breast-feeding his baby X-boxes he could pass on his immunity to a wide variety of viruses, and help to breed healthy X-boxes. So Gates hooked up his Ethernet nipple to the X-boxes Ethernet port via a cable, and was startled to see what had been a Gamecube-sized console grow into a fully-fledged beast. From then on Gates moved with speed, delivering e-milk to warehouses of consoles. Thus the feeding program was rendered a gargantuan success, with the x-boxes growing to such a size that many in the computer games industry ridiculed the console mercilessly; calling it "piggy-wiggy" and singing "who ate all the pies?" at it. However, such insults were cheap, as tests revealed that the console had developed an immunity to even the most deadly of computer viruses.
This was all to fall apart though, this very morning, when a team of Microsoft geeks decided it would be fun to program Linux into an X-box. After hours of fun, they took the console to Gates' office, and upon discovering he was in a meeting, they left the console on his desk with a red hat on top. When Gates returned he was unaware of the significance of the red hat (It has been proven in studies that Linux users wear bright red hats to draw attention away from their acne). Instead the Microsoft Chairman was startled at the lack of bulk on the console, and so hooked it up for an emergency feeding session. Tragically, the Linux software's in-built anti-Microsoft protection system induced crippling ampage into Gates' nipple. Unaware of the damage he had sustained, and putting the pain down to teething problems, Gates then tried to feed the console via his USB port, with similar effects. Shortly afterwards both nipples exploded, and Gates was rushed to hospital, where doctors were forced to amputate, after discovering that an opportunist family of beavers had tried to take up home in Gates' nipples en route to the hospital.
Already the computing world has been seen to rally around Gates in this time of suffering. His Nintendo rival, Shigeru Miyamoto revealed that he had lost both eyes after a game of Pokemon cards turned nasty, but had soldiered on utilising instinct and cel-shading alone, and still managed to produce a string of award-winning titles. Jumping on the band-wagon, Steve Ballmer disclosed that he was actually a highly trained monkey in disguise, which he proved by doing a little dance and scratching his armpits while eating a banana. It was left to Apple CEO Steve Jobs to restore a sense of dignity to the proceedings, in singing "HA HA HA Billy has no nipples! Billy has no nipples!"
Jeers aside, the news will come as a devastating blow to plans for Windows MK. It was Gates' ambition to breast-feed an entire Windows operating system, and so leave it healthy, and immune to the bugs and niggles that have dogged every single Windows release. Without nipples Gates' dreams could well be shattered, unless the Red Hot Chili Peppers agree to take on the challenge. At around the same time as Gates, the band decided to have ports implanted in their nipples while looking for new highs, having grown bored of sex, drugs, tattoos and facial hair. Cynics were optimistic about the proposal but wondered if any operating system breast-fed by Flea could ever be stable.
To keep abreast of developments as they occur go to www.microsoft.com/nipples
The background to this story focuses on one bored billionaire, who had run out of ideas of things to spend his fortune on. He had it all: a next-generation house run by computers, a vaccination program in central Africa, and even a wall-mounted "Billy Bass" that sung "Don't worry, be happy" on demand to the amusement of all the billionaire's guests. But this billionaire wanted more; he wanted it all. Then one day he stumbled upon the ingenious idea of having computer ports implanted into his nipples. After debating the virtues and logistical problems of the variety of ports on offer said billionaire opted to have a USB port in his right nipple, for "plug-and-play functionality", and a Ethernet port in the other nipple "for rapid data transfer". In any other society he would have been branded a freak, but in the community of geeks and nerds at Microsoft he was embraced as a visionary, even though a use for his nipples had not yet been discovered.
That was until the advent of the X-box. Having read an article on breast-feeding, Gates realised that by electronically breast-feeding his baby X-boxes he could pass on his immunity to a wide variety of viruses, and help to breed healthy X-boxes. So Gates hooked up his Ethernet nipple to the X-boxes Ethernet port via a cable, and was startled to see what had been a Gamecube-sized console grow into a fully-fledged beast. From then on Gates moved with speed, delivering e-milk to warehouses of consoles. Thus the feeding program was rendered a gargantuan success, with the x-boxes growing to such a size that many in the computer games industry ridiculed the console mercilessly; calling it "piggy-wiggy" and singing "who ate all the pies?" at it. However, such insults were cheap, as tests revealed that the console had developed an immunity to even the most deadly of computer viruses.
This was all to fall apart though, this very morning, when a team of Microsoft geeks decided it would be fun to program Linux into an X-box. After hours of fun, they took the console to Gates' office, and upon discovering he was in a meeting, they left the console on his desk with a red hat on top. When Gates returned he was unaware of the significance of the red hat (It has been proven in studies that Linux users wear bright red hats to draw attention away from their acne). Instead the Microsoft Chairman was startled at the lack of bulk on the console, and so hooked it up for an emergency feeding session. Tragically, the Linux software's in-built anti-Microsoft protection system induced crippling ampage into Gates' nipple. Unaware of the damage he had sustained, and putting the pain down to teething problems, Gates then tried to feed the console via his USB port, with similar effects. Shortly afterwards both nipples exploded, and Gates was rushed to hospital, where doctors were forced to amputate, after discovering that an opportunist family of beavers had tried to take up home in Gates' nipples en route to the hospital.
Already the computing world has been seen to rally around Gates in this time of suffering. His Nintendo rival, Shigeru Miyamoto revealed that he had lost both eyes after a game of Pokemon cards turned nasty, but had soldiered on utilising instinct and cel-shading alone, and still managed to produce a string of award-winning titles. Jumping on the band-wagon, Steve Ballmer disclosed that he was actually a highly trained monkey in disguise, which he proved by doing a little dance and scratching his armpits while eating a banana. It was left to Apple CEO Steve Jobs to restore a sense of dignity to the proceedings, in singing "HA HA HA Billy has no nipples! Billy has no nipples!"
Jeers aside, the news will come as a devastating blow to plans for Windows MK. It was Gates' ambition to breast-feed an entire Windows operating system, and so leave it healthy, and immune to the bugs and niggles that have dogged every single Windows release. Without nipples Gates' dreams could well be shattered, unless the Red Hot Chili Peppers agree to take on the challenge. At around the same time as Gates, the band decided to have ports implanted in their nipples while looking for new highs, having grown bored of sex, drugs, tattoos and facial hair. Cynics were optimistic about the proposal but wondered if any operating system breast-fed by Flea could ever be stable.
To keep abreast of developments as they occur go to www.microsoft.com/nipples
Page:
SolidSnakeXXI wrote:
> Oh, and by the way, the link doesn't work.
Since the story was taken up by CNN the site's received so many hits that Microsoft's servers can't cope with the demand. I'd recommend trying again at an off-peak time, though with a story this explosive I wonder if there will be an off-peak time...
Actually I only put the link in so I could make a pun on "abreast of developments" :-)
> Oh, and by the way, the link doesn't work.
Since the story was taken up by CNN the site's received so many hits that Microsoft's servers can't cope with the demand. I'd recommend trying again at an off-peak time, though with a story this explosive I wonder if there will be an off-peak time...
Actually I only put the link in so I could make a pun on "abreast of developments" :-)
Is this true? Oh, and by the way, the link doesn't work.
Seriously though, nice post Mr Happy. Those Billy Bass things are amazing!
Seriously though, nice post Mr Happy. Those Billy Bass things are amazing!
Is this true?
:-D
Mexcellenté Mr Happy.
:-D
Mexcellenté Mr Happy.
Genius, Happy, genius.
:D
:D
LOL very funny, first post I've laughed at in a long time.
I look forward to the post turning Yellow and also some Melon of a newbie asking if this is true.
I look forward to the post turning Yellow and also some Melon of a newbie asking if this is true.
nasty neighbour wrote:
> one problem the ance bit that made me laugh but when i had acne that
> would really of made me annoyed and what could of been my fave post of
> the week.
Okay, maybe the acne joke was below the belt, but I was struggling for a Red Hat interpretation, and it was acne or Fred Durst, and I thought I'd give Fred a break this week. So apologies to acne sufferers.
> one problem the ance bit that made me laugh but when i had acne that
> would really of made me annoyed and what could of been my fave post of
> the week.
Okay, maybe the acne joke was below the belt, but I was struggling for a Red Hat interpretation, and it was acne or Fred Durst, and I thought I'd give Fred a break this week. So apologies to acne sufferers.
LOL!
Very funny post! I look forward to seeing this topic turn yellow!
Very funny post! I look forward to seeing this topic turn yellow!
very good, very funny it has parts which made me laugh for ages and even made me want to carry on reading although i was due to go out now so im off.
one problem the ance bit that made me laugh but when i had acne that would really of made me annoyed and what could of been my fave post of the week.
still good though.
one problem the ance bit that made me laugh but when i had acne that would really of made me annoyed and what could of been my fave post of the week.
still good though.
It emerged today that Microsoft Chairman and founder , Bill Gates, has suffered the amputation of both his nipples following a freak accident at an X-box production plant this morning. What makes the incident all the more sobering is that Gates was the victim of a prank that backfired with tragic consequences for both man and mammaries.
The background to this story focuses on one bored billionaire, who had run out of ideas of things to spend his fortune on. He had it all: a next-generation house run by computers, a vaccination program in central Africa, and even a wall-mounted "Billy Bass" that sung "Don't worry, be happy" on demand to the amusement of all the billionaire's guests. But this billionaire wanted more; he wanted it all. Then one day he stumbled upon the ingenious idea of having computer ports implanted into his nipples. After debating the virtues and logistical problems of the variety of ports on offer said billionaire opted to have a USB port in his right nipple, for "plug-and-play functionality", and a Ethernet port in the other nipple "for rapid data transfer". In any other society he would have been branded a freak, but in the community of geeks and nerds at Microsoft he was embraced as a visionary, even though a use for his nipples had not yet been discovered.
That was until the advent of the X-box. Having read an article on breast-feeding, Gates realised that by electronically breast-feeding his baby X-boxes he could pass on his immunity to a wide variety of viruses, and help to breed healthy X-boxes. So Gates hooked up his Ethernet nipple to the X-boxes Ethernet port via a cable, and was startled to see what had been a Gamecube-sized console grow into a fully-fledged beast. From then on Gates moved with speed, delivering e-milk to warehouses of consoles. Thus the feeding program was rendered a gargantuan success, with the x-boxes growing to such a size that many in the computer games industry ridiculed the console mercilessly; calling it "piggy-wiggy" and singing "who ate all the pies?" at it. However, such insults were cheap, as tests revealed that the console had developed an immunity to even the most deadly of computer viruses.
This was all to fall apart though, this very morning, when a team of Microsoft geeks decided it would be fun to program Linux into an X-box. After hours of fun, they took the console to Gates' office, and upon discovering he was in a meeting, they left the console on his desk with a red hat on top. When Gates returned he was unaware of the significance of the red hat (It has been proven in studies that Linux users wear bright red hats to draw attention away from their acne). Instead the Microsoft Chairman was startled at the lack of bulk on the console, and so hooked it up for an emergency feeding session. Tragically, the Linux software's in-built anti-Microsoft protection system induced crippling ampage into Gates' nipple. Unaware of the damage he had sustained, and putting the pain down to teething problems, Gates then tried to feed the console via his USB port, with similar effects. Shortly afterwards both nipples exploded, and Gates was rushed to hospital, where doctors were forced to amputate, after discovering that an opportunist family of beavers had tried to take up home in Gates' nipples en route to the hospital.
Already the computing world has been seen to rally around Gates in this time of suffering. His Nintendo rival, Shigeru Miyamoto revealed that he had lost both eyes after a game of Pokemon cards turned nasty, but had soldiered on utilising instinct and cel-shading alone, and still managed to produce a string of award-winning titles. Jumping on the band-wagon, Steve Ballmer disclosed that he was actually a highly trained monkey in disguise, which he proved by doing a little dance and scratching his armpits while eating a banana. It was left to Apple CEO Steve Jobs to restore a sense of dignity to the proceedings, in singing "HA HA HA Billy has no nipples! Billy has no nipples!"
Jeers aside, the news will come as a devastating blow to plans for Windows MK. It was Gates' ambition to breast-feed an entire Windows operating system, and so leave it healthy, and immune to the bugs and niggles that have dogged every single Windows release. Without nipples Gates' dreams could well be shattered, unless the Red Hot Chili Peppers agree to take on the challenge. At around the same time as Gates, the band decided to have ports implanted in their nipples while looking for new highs, having grown bored of sex, drugs, tattoos and facial hair. Cynics were optimistic about the proposal but wondered if any operating system breast-fed by Flea could ever be stable.
To keep abreast of developments as they occur go to www.microsoft.com/nipples
The background to this story focuses on one bored billionaire, who had run out of ideas of things to spend his fortune on. He had it all: a next-generation house run by computers, a vaccination program in central Africa, and even a wall-mounted "Billy Bass" that sung "Don't worry, be happy" on demand to the amusement of all the billionaire's guests. But this billionaire wanted more; he wanted it all. Then one day he stumbled upon the ingenious idea of having computer ports implanted into his nipples. After debating the virtues and logistical problems of the variety of ports on offer said billionaire opted to have a USB port in his right nipple, for "plug-and-play functionality", and a Ethernet port in the other nipple "for rapid data transfer". In any other society he would have been branded a freak, but in the community of geeks and nerds at Microsoft he was embraced as a visionary, even though a use for his nipples had not yet been discovered.
That was until the advent of the X-box. Having read an article on breast-feeding, Gates realised that by electronically breast-feeding his baby X-boxes he could pass on his immunity to a wide variety of viruses, and help to breed healthy X-boxes. So Gates hooked up his Ethernet nipple to the X-boxes Ethernet port via a cable, and was startled to see what had been a Gamecube-sized console grow into a fully-fledged beast. From then on Gates moved with speed, delivering e-milk to warehouses of consoles. Thus the feeding program was rendered a gargantuan success, with the x-boxes growing to such a size that many in the computer games industry ridiculed the console mercilessly; calling it "piggy-wiggy" and singing "who ate all the pies?" at it. However, such insults were cheap, as tests revealed that the console had developed an immunity to even the most deadly of computer viruses.
This was all to fall apart though, this very morning, when a team of Microsoft geeks decided it would be fun to program Linux into an X-box. After hours of fun, they took the console to Gates' office, and upon discovering he was in a meeting, they left the console on his desk with a red hat on top. When Gates returned he was unaware of the significance of the red hat (It has been proven in studies that Linux users wear bright red hats to draw attention away from their acne). Instead the Microsoft Chairman was startled at the lack of bulk on the console, and so hooked it up for an emergency feeding session. Tragically, the Linux software's in-built anti-Microsoft protection system induced crippling ampage into Gates' nipple. Unaware of the damage he had sustained, and putting the pain down to teething problems, Gates then tried to feed the console via his USB port, with similar effects. Shortly afterwards both nipples exploded, and Gates was rushed to hospital, where doctors were forced to amputate, after discovering that an opportunist family of beavers had tried to take up home in Gates' nipples en route to the hospital.
Already the computing world has been seen to rally around Gates in this time of suffering. His Nintendo rival, Shigeru Miyamoto revealed that he had lost both eyes after a game of Pokemon cards turned nasty, but had soldiered on utilising instinct and cel-shading alone, and still managed to produce a string of award-winning titles. Jumping on the band-wagon, Steve Ballmer disclosed that he was actually a highly trained monkey in disguise, which he proved by doing a little dance and scratching his armpits while eating a banana. It was left to Apple CEO Steve Jobs to restore a sense of dignity to the proceedings, in singing "HA HA HA Billy has no nipples! Billy has no nipples!"
Jeers aside, the news will come as a devastating blow to plans for Windows MK. It was Gates' ambition to breast-feed an entire Windows operating system, and so leave it healthy, and immune to the bugs and niggles that have dogged every single Windows release. Without nipples Gates' dreams could well be shattered, unless the Red Hot Chili Peppers agree to take on the challenge. At around the same time as Gates, the band decided to have ports implanted in their nipples while looking for new highs, having grown bored of sex, drugs, tattoos and facial hair. Cynics were optimistic about the proposal but wondered if any operating system breast-fed by Flea could ever be stable.
To keep abreast of developments as they occur go to www.microsoft.com/nipples
Page: