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It emerged today that Microsoft Chairman and founder , Bill Gates, has suffered the amputation of both his nipples following a freak accident at an X-box production plant this morning. What makes the incident all the more sobering is that Gates was the victim of a prank that backfired with tragic consequences for both man and mammaries.
The background to this story focuses on one bored billionaire, who had run out of ideas of things to spend his fortune on. He had it all: a next-generation house run by computers, a vaccination program in central Africa, and even a wall-mounted "Billy Bass" that sung "Don't worry, be happy" on demand to the amusement of all the billionaire's guests. But this billionaire wanted more; he wanted it all. Then one day he stumbled upon the ingenious idea of having computer ports implanted into his nipples. After debating the virtues and logistical problems of the variety of ports on offer said billionaire opted to have a USB port in his right nipple, for "plug-and-play functionality", and a Ethernet port in the other nipple "for rapid data transfer". In any other society he would have been branded a freak, but in the community of geeks and nerds at Microsoft he was embraced as a visionary, even though a use for his nipples had not yet been discovered.
That was until the advent of the X-box. Having read an article on breast-feeding, Gates realised that by electronically breast-feeding his baby X-boxes he could pass on his immunity to a wide variety of viruses, and help to breed healthy X-boxes. So Gates hooked up his Ethernet nipple to the X-boxes Ethernet port via a cable, and was startled to see what had been a Gamecube-sized console grow into a fully-fledged beast. From then on Gates moved with speed, delivering e-milk to warehouses of consoles. Thus the feeding program was rendered a gargantuan success, with the x-boxes growing to such a size that many in the computer games industry ridiculed the console mercilessly; calling it "piggy-wiggy" and singing "who ate all the pies?" at it. However, such insults were cheap, as tests revealed that the console had developed an immunity to even the most deadly of computer viruses.
This was all to fall apart though, this very morning, when a team of Microsoft geeks decided it would be fun to program Linux into an X-box. After hours of fun, they took the console to Gates' office, and upon discovering he was in a meeting, they left the console on his desk with a red hat on top. When Gates returned he was unaware of the significance of the red hat (It has been proven in studies that Linux users wear bright red hats to draw attention away from their acne). Instead the Microsoft Chairman was startled at the lack of bulk on the console, and so hooked it up for an emergency feeding session. Tragically, the Linux software's in-built anti-Microsoft protection system induced crippling ampage into Gates' nipple. Unaware of the damage he had sustained, and putting the pain down to teething problems, Gates then tried to feed the console via his USB port, with similar effects. Shortly afterwards both nipples exploded, and Gates was rushed to hospital, where doctors were forced to amputate, after discovering that an opportunist family of beavers had tried to take up home in Gates' nipples en route to the hospital.
Already the computing world has been seen to rally around Gates in this time of suffering. His Nintendo rival, Shigeru Miyamoto revealed that he had lost both eyes after a game of Pokemon cards turned nasty, but had soldiered on utilising instinct and cel-shading alone, and still managed to produce a string of award-winning titles. Jumping on the band-wagon, Steve Ballmer disclosed that he was actually a highly trained monkey in disguise, which he proved by doing a little dance and scratching his armpits while eating a banana. It was left to Apple CEO Steve Jobs to restore a sense of dignity to the proceedings, in singing "HA HA HA Billy has no nipples! Billy has no nipples!"
Jeers aside, the news will come as a devastating blow to plans for Windows MK. It was Gates' ambition to breast-feed an entire Windows operating system, and so leave it healthy, and immune to the bugs and niggles that have dogged every single Windows release. Without nipples Gates' dreams could well be shattered, unless the Red Hot Chili Peppers agree to take on the challenge. At around the same time as Gates, the band decided to have ports implanted in their nipples while looking for new highs, having grown bored of sex, drugs, tattoos and facial hair. Cynics were optimistic about the proposal but wondered if any operating system breast-fed by Flea could ever be stable.
To keep abreast of developments as they occur go to www.microsoft.com/nipples
The background to this story focuses on one bored billionaire, who had run out of ideas of things to spend his fortune on. He had it all: a next-generation house run by computers, a vaccination program in central Africa, and even a wall-mounted "Billy Bass" that sung "Don't worry, be happy" on demand to the amusement of all the billionaire's guests. But this billionaire wanted more; he wanted it all. Then one day he stumbled upon the ingenious idea of having computer ports implanted into his nipples. After debating the virtues and logistical problems of the variety of ports on offer said billionaire opted to have a USB port in his right nipple, for "plug-and-play functionality", and a Ethernet port in the other nipple "for rapid data transfer". In any other society he would have been branded a freak, but in the community of geeks and nerds at Microsoft he was embraced as a visionary, even though a use for his nipples had not yet been discovered.
That was until the advent of the X-box. Having read an article on breast-feeding, Gates realised that by electronically breast-feeding his baby X-boxes he could pass on his immunity to a wide variety of viruses, and help to breed healthy X-boxes. So Gates hooked up his Ethernet nipple to the X-boxes Ethernet port via a cable, and was startled to see what had been a Gamecube-sized console grow into a fully-fledged beast. From then on Gates moved with speed, delivering e-milk to warehouses of consoles. Thus the feeding program was rendered a gargantuan success, with the x-boxes growing to such a size that many in the computer games industry ridiculed the console mercilessly; calling it "piggy-wiggy" and singing "who ate all the pies?" at it. However, such insults were cheap, as tests revealed that the console had developed an immunity to even the most deadly of computer viruses.
This was all to fall apart though, this very morning, when a team of Microsoft geeks decided it would be fun to program Linux into an X-box. After hours of fun, they took the console to Gates' office, and upon discovering he was in a meeting, they left the console on his desk with a red hat on top. When Gates returned he was unaware of the significance of the red hat (It has been proven in studies that Linux users wear bright red hats to draw attention away from their acne). Instead the Microsoft Chairman was startled at the lack of bulk on the console, and so hooked it up for an emergency feeding session. Tragically, the Linux software's in-built anti-Microsoft protection system induced crippling ampage into Gates' nipple. Unaware of the damage he had sustained, and putting the pain down to teething problems, Gates then tried to feed the console via his USB port, with similar effects. Shortly afterwards both nipples exploded, and Gates was rushed to hospital, where doctors were forced to amputate, after discovering that an opportunist family of beavers had tried to take up home in Gates' nipples en route to the hospital.
Already the computing world has been seen to rally around Gates in this time of suffering. His Nintendo rival, Shigeru Miyamoto revealed that he had lost both eyes after a game of Pokemon cards turned nasty, but had soldiered on utilising instinct and cel-shading alone, and still managed to produce a string of award-winning titles. Jumping on the band-wagon, Steve Ballmer disclosed that he was actually a highly trained monkey in disguise, which he proved by doing a little dance and scratching his armpits while eating a banana. It was left to Apple CEO Steve Jobs to restore a sense of dignity to the proceedings, in singing "HA HA HA Billy has no nipples! Billy has no nipples!"
Jeers aside, the news will come as a devastating blow to plans for Windows MK. It was Gates' ambition to breast-feed an entire Windows operating system, and so leave it healthy, and immune to the bugs and niggles that have dogged every single Windows release. Without nipples Gates' dreams could well be shattered, unless the Red Hot Chili Peppers agree to take on the challenge. At around the same time as Gates, the band decided to have ports implanted in their nipples while looking for new highs, having grown bored of sex, drugs, tattoos and facial hair. Cynics were optimistic about the proposal but wondered if any operating system breast-fed by Flea could ever be stable.
To keep abreast of developments as they occur go to www.microsoft.com/nipples
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Mexcellent.
SolidSnakeXXI wrote:
> Techno freak wrote:
> Sorry I have got to work this week so I won't be able to read your
> 10,000 word essay.
>
> It's your loss. How the hell did you get a job?
He probably stands on a street corner.............
......Selling fruit (what did you think he'd be selling ;D
> Techno freak wrote:
> Sorry I have got to work this week so I won't be able to read your
> 10,000 word essay.
>
> It's your loss. How the hell did you get a job?
He probably stands on a street corner.............
......Selling fruit (what did you think he'd be selling ;D
Well done on the win! Well deserved.
Are we going to get a topic about any other company leaders? ;-)
Are we going to get a topic about any other company leaders? ;-)
SolidSnakeXXI wrote:
> Techno freak wrote:
> Sorry I have got to work this week so I won't be able to read your
> 10,000 word essay.
>
> It's your loss. How the hell did you get a job?
---
LOL! That amused me. :D
> Techno freak wrote:
> Sorry I have got to work this week so I won't be able to read your
> 10,000 word essay.
>
> It's your loss. How the hell did you get a job?
---
LOL! That amused me. :D
Techno freak wrote:
> Sorry I have got to work this week so I won't be able to read your
> 10,000 word essay.
It's your loss. How the hell did you get a job?
> Sorry I have got to work this week so I won't be able to read your
> 10,000 word essay.
It's your loss. How the hell did you get a job?
Techno freak wrote:
> Sorry I have got to work this week so I won't be able to read your
> 10,000 word essay.
You're a very slow reader then, where you dropped on your head as a Baby?
Excellent post again, welldone on the win, muchos deserved.
> Sorry I have got to work this week so I won't be able to read your
> 10,000 word essay.
You're a very slow reader then, where you dropped on your head as a Baby?
Excellent post again, welldone on the win, muchos deserved.
Sorry I have got to work this week so I won't be able to read your 10,000 word essay.
Well done on the win Mr. Happy.
Excellenté!
Excellenté!
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