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In an astounding move, it’s recently been revealed that Microsoft owner and part time pagan priest (allegedly) Bill Gates has cursed some Xbox machines with a special hex.
Apparently, Bill employed a legion of withered old gypsy hags to hex each Microsoft Xbox machine made in certain Microsoft factories and sweatshops with a special curse in order to achieve more success for the console.
The curse affects a small minority of gamers who own the Xbox and play on it for more than 10 hours a day, and results in a severe Microsoft brainwashing illness; the only way to lift the dreaded spell is to keep buying more and more Microsoft products, such as the new Microsoft mouse mat style toilet seat covers and Windows compatible egg timer.
Evidence and research already exists, showing that the gypsy hex doesn’t actually hurt the subject, just alters their minds slightly and makes them extremely biased against other consoles, and turns them into extreme Microsoft zealots.
A spokesman for Microsoft made the following statement:
“Microsoft and its owner, Lord Gates, admits to resorting to hooky magic spells in order to stay afloat in the competitive console world. Though we did it with the best intentions, and didn’t think anyone would be overly bothered by it, WE JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED!”
It is not known at this precise time where all the mystical weirdos came from, but it is believed that Mr. Gates personally went out on a crusade searching for all the gypsy women he could find, and then hired them or kidnapped them for his secret project.
One of the gypsy hags, who goes by the name of Agatha Moonrock Pendragon III, had this to say, “one minute I was drinking my favourite gypsy brew cocktail of snail slime and dogs breath, and eating boiled donkey dangler sandwiches, and the next minute I had been visited by the richest man in the world and made an employee of Microsoft, *cackle cackle*”
It is thought that the large green circles on the machine and control pad act as magical channelling points, where the curse is stored, and the hypnotic green colour mesmerizes the mind of those who play it (that is the reason why the ridiculous circle is on the machine). If you look closely into the large green circle on the console, you may notice a slight holographic image of Mr. Gates in a provocative pose with a sailor hat on, with a speech bubble saying “hello big boy”.
One Xbox zealot who’d been affected by the curse interviewed said, “The Xbox is da best console in da world coz it has da best grafficks and it iz da most powaful console. Ninty babies are jealous of da Xbox and they luv to play kiddy games wiv fluffy cloudz and cute animalz. Da Greystation has got not as good grafficks as da Xbox.”
This zealot has since been ‘reconditioned’, and now has a more even view on the industry, and more respect for other games companies; he even enjoys playing Nintendo games.
While Microsoft have been criticised for this action, Nintendo were said to have used a similar curse many years ago. By making gamers addicted to their games by creating such brilliant and innovative software and amazing gameplay, Nintendo fans have been hooked on their games ever since.
It is also believed that Alan Sugar did a similar thing back in the early nineties with his Amstrad GX4000 console. Though instead of using proper mystical gypsies, Alan used cheaper Irish pikey ‘travellers’.
As these travellers have no real magical powers, only some small sprigs of Lucky Heather, the GX4000 sunk quicker than a 500lb man wearing concrete trousers and lead-lined pants.
Whilst the majority of Xbox owners are normal and well-adjusted people, there are minority that have been infected with this curse. So if you think you may be suffering from this case of extreme zealotism, or know someone who has it, you are urged to seek help immediately.
Apparently, Bill employed a legion of withered old gypsy hags to hex each Microsoft Xbox machine made in certain Microsoft factories and sweatshops with a special curse in order to achieve more success for the console.
The curse affects a small minority of gamers who own the Xbox and play on it for more than 10 hours a day, and results in a severe Microsoft brainwashing illness; the only way to lift the dreaded spell is to keep buying more and more Microsoft products, such as the new Microsoft mouse mat style toilet seat covers and Windows compatible egg timer.
Evidence and research already exists, showing that the gypsy hex doesn’t actually hurt the subject, just alters their minds slightly and makes them extremely biased against other consoles, and turns them into extreme Microsoft zealots.
A spokesman for Microsoft made the following statement:
“Microsoft and its owner, Lord Gates, admits to resorting to hooky magic spells in order to stay afloat in the competitive console world. Though we did it with the best intentions, and didn’t think anyone would be overly bothered by it, WE JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED!”
It is not known at this precise time where all the mystical weirdos came from, but it is believed that Mr. Gates personally went out on a crusade searching for all the gypsy women he could find, and then hired them or kidnapped them for his secret project.
One of the gypsy hags, who goes by the name of Agatha Moonrock Pendragon III, had this to say, “one minute I was drinking my favourite gypsy brew cocktail of snail slime and dogs breath, and eating boiled donkey dangler sandwiches, and the next minute I had been visited by the richest man in the world and made an employee of Microsoft, *cackle cackle*”
It is thought that the large green circles on the machine and control pad act as magical channelling points, where the curse is stored, and the hypnotic green colour mesmerizes the mind of those who play it (that is the reason why the ridiculous circle is on the machine). If you look closely into the large green circle on the console, you may notice a slight holographic image of Mr. Gates in a provocative pose with a sailor hat on, with a speech bubble saying “hello big boy”.
One Xbox zealot who’d been affected by the curse interviewed said, “The Xbox is da best console in da world coz it has da best grafficks and it iz da most powaful console. Ninty babies are jealous of da Xbox and they luv to play kiddy games wiv fluffy cloudz and cute animalz. Da Greystation has got not as good grafficks as da Xbox.”
This zealot has since been ‘reconditioned’, and now has a more even view on the industry, and more respect for other games companies; he even enjoys playing Nintendo games.
While Microsoft have been criticised for this action, Nintendo were said to have used a similar curse many years ago. By making gamers addicted to their games by creating such brilliant and innovative software and amazing gameplay, Nintendo fans have been hooked on their games ever since.
It is also believed that Alan Sugar did a similar thing back in the early nineties with his Amstrad GX4000 console. Though instead of using proper mystical gypsies, Alan used cheaper Irish pikey ‘travellers’.
As these travellers have no real magical powers, only some small sprigs of Lucky Heather, the GX4000 sunk quicker than a 500lb man wearing concrete trousers and lead-lined pants.
Whilst the majority of Xbox owners are normal and well-adjusted people, there are minority that have been infected with this curse. So if you think you may be suffering from this case of extreme zealotism, or know someone who has it, you are urged to seek help immediately.
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*bows head in shame*
Great post Totoro, t'was funny.
Shame about the paranoid Gamezfreak, who totally lost his bottle when you were *dissing* the Xbox.
Tut tut.
Shame about the paranoid Gamezfreak, who totally lost his bottle when you were *dissing* the Xbox.
Tut tut.
Yes, it was only a harmless spoof, inspired by some of the zealots i've seen recently.
No harm intended, and I definately wasn't knocking the Xbox, only some of the 'extreme enthusiasts'.
No harm intended, and I definately wasn't knocking the Xbox, only some of the 'extreme enthusiasts'.
how could anyone take this seriously, especially with the following in it...
"If you look closely into the large green circle on the console, you may notice a slight holographic image of Mr. Gates in a provocative pose with a sailor hat on, with a speech bubble saying “hello big boy”."
lol!
nice post!
Glucose_Addict.
"If you look closely into the large green circle on the console, you may notice a slight holographic image of Mr. Gates in a provocative pose with a sailor hat on, with a speech bubble saying “hello big boy”."
lol!
nice post!
Glucose_Addict.
Its kinda difficult to tell wether a person is telling a spoof joke or a serious post on the forums with threads that long!
He's not bashing the X-Box!
It's a joke. Some people have absolutely no sense of humour at all!
Nice post Totoro.
It's a joke. Some people have absolutely no sense of humour at all!
Nice post Totoro.
Nice post. But why do people bash the xbox it is an amzing console!!
ok, just expressing my opinion about people beleiving microsoft are evil or summit.
Gamezfreak, note this is a spoof topic. It's a joke! It's not meant to be taken seriously!
Infact, this be a good one it be.
Nice topic :)
Infact, this be a good one it be.
Nice topic :)
One thing to say - Grow Up
I find no problems with microsoft.
I could just turn around and say to you "Nintendo brainwashes people into liking mario by putting a spell onto the console forcing victims to buy as much gamecube games as possible" theres nothing wrong with Mario or the Gamecube, but just passing my point.
Ha....Nice joke about the hex box. (Note the sarcasm)
I find no problems with microsoft.
I could just turn around and say to you "Nintendo brainwashes people into liking mario by putting a spell onto the console forcing victims to buy as much gamecube games as possible" theres nothing wrong with Mario or the Gamecube, but just passing my point.
Ha....Nice joke about the hex box. (Note the sarcasm)
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