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A lot of people play games to cause havoc and destruction in a virtual world knowing that no harm can come to them. After all, there is no real danger from a fantasy world. The virtual zombies aren’t going to pop out of the screen and eat you are they? Or the big explosion caused by a nuclear rocket isn’t going to send you knocking on deaths door. However, let me tell you that gaming can be dangerous and a health hazard. Over the time I’ve come across many casualties all caused by a good old gaming session, and not one of them was a bite to the neck by a flesh hungry zombie. So let me share with you my gruesome tails of gaming disasters, and what you must do to prevent the same happening to you!
* The slashed off tongue! *
One young gamer I met was left unable to hardly speak after one such disaster session. When asking him what had happened to his mouth he replied, “My thong was shashed afffter it gosht shtuck in the fssan” For those of you a little confused, the little lad was trying to tell me that he had his tongue chopped off after he stuck it into the fan behind his Playstation 2. That’s right! The poor lad was left unable to speak all because PS2 heaven turned into PS2 hell!! The lad’s father stated, “It’s bloody disgraceful! You would have thought there should be a warning stating the dangers of the fan! Any poor kid could have let their tongue wander around the back of the console. I’m very surprised a lot more haven’t suffered the same fate as my poor son”. Absolutely! And here’s what you can do to make sure you don’t lose your tongue as well!
How to keep your tongue-
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan.
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan even if you’re a stupid little kid.
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan even if you’re a stupid little kid with a dad that thinks it’s smart to complain to games companies because his brain dead little kid thinks it’s smart to stick your tongue in a fan because he has seen it on Banzai!
* The broken finger *
The second case I came across was truly hard to take in. A saddening case about a poor man who broke his finger due to a disobedient disk tray. That’s right, the God dam disk tray tried to mangle his finger! After receiving care for trauma and his broken finger the man said, “It was truly horrible. I was only trying to dislodge my FIFA2002 disk (which the PS2 refused to play as it was so rubbish) when the stupid son of a PSOne decided it would be funny to open and close the disk tray on my finger!”
Truly terrible, and something that could happen to any of you reading this. Take the precautions, I would…
How to keep you finger bone straight-
-Don’t put your poor PS2 through the pain of playing FIFA 2002!
-Don’t try dislodging the game from your console. Sell it in your local newspaper and then go and buy a new PS2 and Pro Evolution Soccer using the £250 pound you conned out of the stupid fool that bought your old PS2!
* Deafened! *
Our final case is one that could touch even the heart of the coldest of people. It’s a story of a man who lost all his hearing due to a faulty Sound Station. When the poor old blighter turned it on while playing Final Fantasy X, he was horrified to find some prankster from the production line had turned the volume right up! The man panicked as a screeching Rikku filled his ears. He reached for the button to turn it down but it fell straight off into his hands! Unfortunately the remote control was bust as well (well, the batteries had run out), and by the time he had reached down to yank the plug out, it was too late. He was as deaf as they come. And it goes to show that you should never purchase cheapo hardware. It’s not good for you.
How to keep acute hearing-
-Don’t buy crap peripherals.
-Don’t trust the Duracell bunny.
So all those people that think it’s clever to lick plugs, wrap wires around their necks, and throw PS2’s at each other, take note. Being careless can result in injuries. The PS2 is not a toy!
Thanks for reading,
Nath.
PLEASE NOTE- All the things featured in this post are fictional. In real life they are foolish, dangerous, and dam right painful. Don’t lick fans. Thanks.
* The slashed off tongue! *
One young gamer I met was left unable to hardly speak after one such disaster session. When asking him what had happened to his mouth he replied, “My thong was shashed afffter it gosht shtuck in the fssan” For those of you a little confused, the little lad was trying to tell me that he had his tongue chopped off after he stuck it into the fan behind his Playstation 2. That’s right! The poor lad was left unable to speak all because PS2 heaven turned into PS2 hell!! The lad’s father stated, “It’s bloody disgraceful! You would have thought there should be a warning stating the dangers of the fan! Any poor kid could have let their tongue wander around the back of the console. I’m very surprised a lot more haven’t suffered the same fate as my poor son”. Absolutely! And here’s what you can do to make sure you don’t lose your tongue as well!
How to keep your tongue-
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan.
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan even if you’re a stupid little kid.
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan even if you’re a stupid little kid with a dad that thinks it’s smart to complain to games companies because his brain dead little kid thinks it’s smart to stick your tongue in a fan because he has seen it on Banzai!
* The broken finger *
The second case I came across was truly hard to take in. A saddening case about a poor man who broke his finger due to a disobedient disk tray. That’s right, the God dam disk tray tried to mangle his finger! After receiving care for trauma and his broken finger the man said, “It was truly horrible. I was only trying to dislodge my FIFA2002 disk (which the PS2 refused to play as it was so rubbish) when the stupid son of a PSOne decided it would be funny to open and close the disk tray on my finger!”
Truly terrible, and something that could happen to any of you reading this. Take the precautions, I would…
How to keep you finger bone straight-
-Don’t put your poor PS2 through the pain of playing FIFA 2002!
-Don’t try dislodging the game from your console. Sell it in your local newspaper and then go and buy a new PS2 and Pro Evolution Soccer using the £250 pound you conned out of the stupid fool that bought your old PS2!
* Deafened! *
Our final case is one that could touch even the heart of the coldest of people. It’s a story of a man who lost all his hearing due to a faulty Sound Station. When the poor old blighter turned it on while playing Final Fantasy X, he was horrified to find some prankster from the production line had turned the volume right up! The man panicked as a screeching Rikku filled his ears. He reached for the button to turn it down but it fell straight off into his hands! Unfortunately the remote control was bust as well (well, the batteries had run out), and by the time he had reached down to yank the plug out, it was too late. He was as deaf as they come. And it goes to show that you should never purchase cheapo hardware. It’s not good for you.
How to keep acute hearing-
-Don’t buy crap peripherals.
-Don’t trust the Duracell bunny.
So all those people that think it’s clever to lick plugs, wrap wires around their necks, and throw PS2’s at each other, take note. Being careless can result in injuries. The PS2 is not a toy!
Thanks for reading,
Nath.
PLEASE NOTE- All the things featured in this post are fictional. In real life they are foolish, dangerous, and dam right painful. Don’t lick fans. Thanks.
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Vintage Stuff™ Natbuc.
Thanks
Good post, very funny.
I agree with kr GAD contender.
I agree with kr GAD contender.
Thanks you two.
lol, good post nath.
GAD contender :-)
GAD contender :-)
Truly origional and amazingly funny. I never liked that bunny either.
A lot of people play games to cause havoc and destruction in a virtual world knowing that no harm can come to them. After all, there is no real danger from a fantasy world. The virtual zombies aren’t going to pop out of the screen and eat you are they? Or the big explosion caused by a nuclear rocket isn’t going to send you knocking on deaths door. However, let me tell you that gaming can be dangerous and a health hazard. Over the time I’ve come across many casualties all caused by a good old gaming session, and not one of them was a bite to the neck by a flesh hungry zombie. So let me share with you my gruesome tails of gaming disasters, and what you must do to prevent the same happening to you!
* The slashed off tongue! *
One young gamer I met was left unable to hardly speak after one such disaster session. When asking him what had happened to his mouth he replied, “My thong was shashed afffter it gosht shtuck in the fssan” For those of you a little confused, the little lad was trying to tell me that he had his tongue chopped off after he stuck it into the fan behind his Playstation 2. That’s right! The poor lad was left unable to speak all because PS2 heaven turned into PS2 hell!! The lad’s father stated, “It’s bloody disgraceful! You would have thought there should be a warning stating the dangers of the fan! Any poor kid could have let their tongue wander around the back of the console. I’m very surprised a lot more haven’t suffered the same fate as my poor son”. Absolutely! And here’s what you can do to make sure you don’t lose your tongue as well!
How to keep your tongue-
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan.
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan even if you’re a stupid little kid.
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan even if you’re a stupid little kid with a dad that thinks it’s smart to complain to games companies because his brain dead little kid thinks it’s smart to stick your tongue in a fan because he has seen it on Banzai!
* The broken finger *
The second case I came across was truly hard to take in. A saddening case about a poor man who broke his finger due to a disobedient disk tray. That’s right, the God dam disk tray tried to mangle his finger! After receiving care for trauma and his broken finger the man said, “It was truly horrible. I was only trying to dislodge my FIFA2002 disk (which the PS2 refused to play as it was so rubbish) when the stupid son of a PSOne decided it would be funny to open and close the disk tray on my finger!”
Truly terrible, and something that could happen to any of you reading this. Take the precautions, I would…
How to keep you finger bone straight-
-Don’t put your poor PS2 through the pain of playing FIFA 2002!
-Don’t try dislodging the game from your console. Sell it in your local newspaper and then go and buy a new PS2 and Pro Evolution Soccer using the £250 pound you conned out of the stupid fool that bought your old PS2!
* Deafened! *
Our final case is one that could touch even the heart of the coldest of people. It’s a story of a man who lost all his hearing due to a faulty Sound Station. When the poor old blighter turned it on while playing Final Fantasy X, he was horrified to find some prankster from the production line had turned the volume right up! The man panicked as a screeching Rikku filled his ears. He reached for the button to turn it down but it fell straight off into his hands! Unfortunately the remote control was bust as well (well, the batteries had run out), and by the time he had reached down to yank the plug out, it was too late. He was as deaf as they come. And it goes to show that you should never purchase cheapo hardware. It’s not good for you.
How to keep acute hearing-
-Don’t buy crap peripherals.
-Don’t trust the Duracell bunny.
So all those people that think it’s clever to lick plugs, wrap wires around their necks, and throw PS2’s at each other, take note. Being careless can result in injuries. The PS2 is not a toy!
Thanks for reading,
Nath.
PLEASE NOTE- All the things featured in this post are fictional. In real life they are foolish, dangerous, and dam right painful. Don’t lick fans. Thanks.
* The slashed off tongue! *
One young gamer I met was left unable to hardly speak after one such disaster session. When asking him what had happened to his mouth he replied, “My thong was shashed afffter it gosht shtuck in the fssan” For those of you a little confused, the little lad was trying to tell me that he had his tongue chopped off after he stuck it into the fan behind his Playstation 2. That’s right! The poor lad was left unable to speak all because PS2 heaven turned into PS2 hell!! The lad’s father stated, “It’s bloody disgraceful! You would have thought there should be a warning stating the dangers of the fan! Any poor kid could have let their tongue wander around the back of the console. I’m very surprised a lot more haven’t suffered the same fate as my poor son”. Absolutely! And here’s what you can do to make sure you don’t lose your tongue as well!
How to keep your tongue-
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan.
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan even if you’re a stupid little kid.
-Don’t stick it into the PS2 fan even if you’re a stupid little kid with a dad that thinks it’s smart to complain to games companies because his brain dead little kid thinks it’s smart to stick your tongue in a fan because he has seen it on Banzai!
* The broken finger *
The second case I came across was truly hard to take in. A saddening case about a poor man who broke his finger due to a disobedient disk tray. That’s right, the God dam disk tray tried to mangle his finger! After receiving care for trauma and his broken finger the man said, “It was truly horrible. I was only trying to dislodge my FIFA2002 disk (which the PS2 refused to play as it was so rubbish) when the stupid son of a PSOne decided it would be funny to open and close the disk tray on my finger!”
Truly terrible, and something that could happen to any of you reading this. Take the precautions, I would…
How to keep you finger bone straight-
-Don’t put your poor PS2 through the pain of playing FIFA 2002!
-Don’t try dislodging the game from your console. Sell it in your local newspaper and then go and buy a new PS2 and Pro Evolution Soccer using the £250 pound you conned out of the stupid fool that bought your old PS2!
* Deafened! *
Our final case is one that could touch even the heart of the coldest of people. It’s a story of a man who lost all his hearing due to a faulty Sound Station. When the poor old blighter turned it on while playing Final Fantasy X, he was horrified to find some prankster from the production line had turned the volume right up! The man panicked as a screeching Rikku filled his ears. He reached for the button to turn it down but it fell straight off into his hands! Unfortunately the remote control was bust as well (well, the batteries had run out), and by the time he had reached down to yank the plug out, it was too late. He was as deaf as they come. And it goes to show that you should never purchase cheapo hardware. It’s not good for you.
How to keep acute hearing-
-Don’t buy crap peripherals.
-Don’t trust the Duracell bunny.
So all those people that think it’s clever to lick plugs, wrap wires around their necks, and throw PS2’s at each other, take note. Being careless can result in injuries. The PS2 is not a toy!
Thanks for reading,
Nath.
PLEASE NOTE- All the things featured in this post are fictional. In real life they are foolish, dangerous, and dam right painful. Don’t lick fans. Thanks.
Page: