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Although this is not my first story i have ever wrote i would like to stress that i am no J.K Rowling so i am sorry for any spelling or grammatical errors. I would also like to remind you all that this is all my original work and is copyrighted :-
©opyright Stephen Duff 2002
If you have any comments or complaints you may contact me by this email address [email protected]
P.s. i will reply as soon as possible however i will most likely be delied due to circumstances out of my control.
---------------------------------------- The Dome
Today is the day the day I go to Eden. I have been training all my life for this day and recently I have doubled my efforts to ensure my place in the dome. The Dome is a gigantic spherical structure where the most elite fighters in the universe come to fight for the title of champion of the galaxy. I am Zack the only fighter from Earth and the strongest fighter from earth. The current champion is Tora the Demon King from the planet Arit at the end of galaxy where no light could ever reach. The Only light is from the intense erupting volcanoes and rivers of molten rock. No one has ever even come close to being as strong as Tora but I hope to change that.
To enter the dome you must face six opponents from other worlds and win on each occasion. It would not be easy but I would fight as hard as I could to save my brother. The prize money for being the champion is over one million enus, which is more than enough to pay for the safe return of my brother. My earliest memory is of a man in a black uniform with purple stripes going along the waist. He came into my home at night and slaughtered my parents in their sleep. My brother and I woke up just in time to see him wipe the blood from his sword. My brother charged at him with my father’s sword but he was no match for him. The man grabbed my brother and threw him to the ground. He glared at me with glowing red eyes. I was crouching in a corner afraid for my life. He turned away with a smug grin on his face before he grabbed my brother and fled out the door. I lived alone for twenty years training with my father’s sword waiting for the day that I would find the warrior that did this to my family so I could get my revenge. One month ago on the planet Seth a group of slave’s were found in an underground base. One of them was my brother. The slaves were free but their friends and family had to pay to get them of the planet and back home. That is why I must win this tournament. I have to save my brother from the planet Seth.
It was now time for me to enter into the competition and to find out my first opponent, I was very nervous. My first opponent was a being called Ra from the planet Reef. Ra’s home planet has a gravity ten times stronger than earth this helped him develop his strength at an early age. The battles started at noon the next day until then all the fighters lived at the planets hotel and training centre. The Hotel had ten floors and each one served a purpose. The top five floors were for the fighters living quarters and the other five were all for training different parts of your body. There was a swimming pool, a reflex developer, muscular stimulator, weights, a meditation room and many, many more ways to help you train. I was on the top floor in the room directly opposite Ra.
I woke up the next morning with a clear vision in my head of what I had to do and how to do it. At exactly noon I walked down to the duelling field. It was a vast open area. There was only one rule the one who can no longer fight loses. It was cold as I waited for Ra to come. Ra came to the field and we engaged in a battle lasting no longer than twenty minutes. I was amazed at how easily Ra was beaten, he seemed so strong but it was just an image nothing more. I ended the match with a kick to the side of his head. He fell to the ground and lay there I waited for him to move but he didn’t. I was announced the winner and I left the field one step closer to saving my brother. The next five matches got progressively harder but I prevailed each time until it was time to face Tora the demon king.
I walked into the Dome for the first time ever, few had entered before me but I felt confident. The doors slammed shut behind me and the room was lit with torches. Tora landed on the ground and I froze with shock. It was the man who killed my parents. I charged straight at him I punched him with my left arm and then my right I was filled with rage I couldn’t stop thinking about how he killed my family and how he just left me with their cold bodies. I drew my father’s sword and sliced him straight down his side. He cried out in pain as his arm fell to the floor. He screamed at me and glared with bright red eyes. He started to beat me with all his might and I couldn’t stop him. I fell to the ground as he jumped into the air preparing to finish me of with his axe. He started to fall to the ground as he tensed his arm to strike me with his axe. I stared at his evil red eyes as he came closer to me pulling back his axe before he struck my…
One hour later I woke up in the medical section of the hotel. I was in a daze and I couldn’t sit up. I looked to one side and then the other but all I saw was flashing lights and people talking. Later on when I was feeling better my brother entered the room. I couldn’t believe it after all these years I finally had a brother again. It turned out that I fainted and fell to the ground causing Tora to make the fatal mistake of landing on my father’s sword. I hit my head pretty hard of the ground but I had one the fight and my brother has been returned to me and that’s all that matters.
The End
©opyright Stephen Duff 2002
©opyright Stephen Duff 2002
If you have any comments or complaints you may contact me by this email address [email protected]
P.s. i will reply as soon as possible however i will most likely be delied due to circumstances out of my control.
---------------------------------------- The Dome
Today is the day the day I go to Eden. I have been training all my life for this day and recently I have doubled my efforts to ensure my place in the dome. The Dome is a gigantic spherical structure where the most elite fighters in the universe come to fight for the title of champion of the galaxy. I am Zack the only fighter from Earth and the strongest fighter from earth. The current champion is Tora the Demon King from the planet Arit at the end of galaxy where no light could ever reach. The Only light is from the intense erupting volcanoes and rivers of molten rock. No one has ever even come close to being as strong as Tora but I hope to change that.
To enter the dome you must face six opponents from other worlds and win on each occasion. It would not be easy but I would fight as hard as I could to save my brother. The prize money for being the champion is over one million enus, which is more than enough to pay for the safe return of my brother. My earliest memory is of a man in a black uniform with purple stripes going along the waist. He came into my home at night and slaughtered my parents in their sleep. My brother and I woke up just in time to see him wipe the blood from his sword. My brother charged at him with my father’s sword but he was no match for him. The man grabbed my brother and threw him to the ground. He glared at me with glowing red eyes. I was crouching in a corner afraid for my life. He turned away with a smug grin on his face before he grabbed my brother and fled out the door. I lived alone for twenty years training with my father’s sword waiting for the day that I would find the warrior that did this to my family so I could get my revenge. One month ago on the planet Seth a group of slave’s were found in an underground base. One of them was my brother. The slaves were free but their friends and family had to pay to get them of the planet and back home. That is why I must win this tournament. I have to save my brother from the planet Seth.
It was now time for me to enter into the competition and to find out my first opponent, I was very nervous. My first opponent was a being called Ra from the planet Reef. Ra’s home planet has a gravity ten times stronger than earth this helped him develop his strength at an early age. The battles started at noon the next day until then all the fighters lived at the planets hotel and training centre. The Hotel had ten floors and each one served a purpose. The top five floors were for the fighters living quarters and the other five were all for training different parts of your body. There was a swimming pool, a reflex developer, muscular stimulator, weights, a meditation room and many, many more ways to help you train. I was on the top floor in the room directly opposite Ra.
I woke up the next morning with a clear vision in my head of what I had to do and how to do it. At exactly noon I walked down to the duelling field. It was a vast open area. There was only one rule the one who can no longer fight loses. It was cold as I waited for Ra to come. Ra came to the field and we engaged in a battle lasting no longer than twenty minutes. I was amazed at how easily Ra was beaten, he seemed so strong but it was just an image nothing more. I ended the match with a kick to the side of his head. He fell to the ground and lay there I waited for him to move but he didn’t. I was announced the winner and I left the field one step closer to saving my brother. The next five matches got progressively harder but I prevailed each time until it was time to face Tora the demon king.
I walked into the Dome for the first time ever, few had entered before me but I felt confident. The doors slammed shut behind me and the room was lit with torches. Tora landed on the ground and I froze with shock. It was the man who killed my parents. I charged straight at him I punched him with my left arm and then my right I was filled with rage I couldn’t stop thinking about how he killed my family and how he just left me with their cold bodies. I drew my father’s sword and sliced him straight down his side. He cried out in pain as his arm fell to the floor. He screamed at me and glared with bright red eyes. He started to beat me with all his might and I couldn’t stop him. I fell to the ground as he jumped into the air preparing to finish me of with his axe. He started to fall to the ground as he tensed his arm to strike me with his axe. I stared at his evil red eyes as he came closer to me pulling back his axe before he struck my…
One hour later I woke up in the medical section of the hotel. I was in a daze and I couldn’t sit up. I looked to one side and then the other but all I saw was flashing lights and people talking. Later on when I was feeling better my brother entered the room. I couldn’t believe it after all these years I finally had a brother again. It turned out that I fainted and fell to the ground causing Tora to make the fatal mistake of landing on my father’s sword. I hit my head pretty hard of the ground but I had one the fight and my brother has been returned to me and that’s all that matters.
The End
©opyright Stephen Duff 2002
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don't worry about it to much beefcake it doesn't matter what other people think. Aslong as your happy with how you act in the forums etc.
"it doesn't matter beefcake your not who i thought you were. although i have been hearing a lot about you through these forums".
Eh?
Eh?
Keep writing.
Really. You get better, as you develop some more original ideas.
And critisism is much more useful than praise, as long as you take notice of it.
Really. You get better, as you develop some more original ideas.
And critisism is much more useful than praise, as long as you take notice of it.
it doesn't matter beefcake your not who i thought you were. although i have been hearing a lot about you through these forums.
One day there was a grape. It tried to cross the road without looking both ways. Grape go squish.
End.
© and ™ - Insane Bartender
End.
© and ™ - Insane Bartender
"so all in all i am getting a lot of grief and no one is doing any better except beefcake who i don't expect anything of because he hates it whenever i try to do something he has already done or is doing. He knows what i'm meaning."
Eh?
Eh?
"so all in all i am getting a lot of grief and no one is doing any better except beefcake who i don't expect anything of because he hates it whenever i try to do something he has already done or is doing. He knows what i'm meaning."
Eh?
Eh?
Heh, I have used this forum to write many stories, and it's definitely improved my writing. Maybe it can do the same for you too so keep posting 'em.
i say this to all of you.
"i may not be a great writer but if you read the title of this forum it asks you to write one of your own. so all in all i am getting a lot of grief and no one is doing any better except beefcake who i don't expect anything of because he hates it whenever i try to do something he has already done or is doing. He knows what i'm meaning."
"i may not be a great writer but if you read the title of this forum it asks you to write one of your own. so all in all i am getting a lot of grief and no one is doing any better except beefcake who i don't expect anything of because he hates it whenever i try to do something he has already done or is doing. He knows what i'm meaning."
Beefcake wrote:
> Also copyrighting your work is all well and good but who would
> seriously want to plagiarise from this?
Sorry but I have to agree, if this were a book it'd go straight in the 49p bin selection. The trouble is that it's too overly science fiction, cliche's stand out very badly and the plot is massivey iffy - why on earth does this Zack guy have to fight to get the cash if he's the strongest, best, warrior on earth ?
Now, trying to be constructive...you need more detail, and less story telling, it's like you're ramming the plot down a readers throat in case they don't get it,
However, at least you've posted a stroy - no small feat given what it's like on here !
~~Belldandy~~
> Also copyrighting your work is all well and good but who would
> seriously want to plagiarise from this?
Sorry but I have to agree, if this were a book it'd go straight in the 49p bin selection. The trouble is that it's too overly science fiction, cliche's stand out very badly and the plot is massivey iffy - why on earth does this Zack guy have to fight to get the cash if he's the strongest, best, warrior on earth ?
Now, trying to be constructive...you need more detail, and less story telling, it's like you're ramming the plot down a readers throat in case they don't get it,
However, at least you've posted a stroy - no small feat given what it's like on here !
~~Belldandy~~
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