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*Scene 1*
*SR Towers*
*Mr Snuggly is talking into a two way radio*
Mr Snuggly - That's right, just a little more to the left... No, no, that's too far. OK, back it up a little...
*Loki comes in*
Loki - What you doing? Guiding a plane down?
Mr Snuggly - No, I'm helping Hybrid fix the TV aerial
*The static on the TV finally disappears and Neighbours comes on*
Mr Snuggly - Yes! Finally! After two weeks of tennis, and a broken aerial... we have Neighbours!
Hybrid Halves - (over radio) OK, I'm ready to come down now... Hey, what's that?
Mr Snuggly - What is it, Hybrid?
*There is a loud crashing sound, then what can only be described as heavy hail stone*
Mr Snuggly - Hybrid? Hybrid? Come in, do you read me?
Loki - We'd better go out and check on him
*They walk outside to see most of SR towers in flames, bricks and tiles crumbling and piling up around their feet. Hybrid is stuck half way up a ladder, covered in blood*
Mr Snuggly - Nooooooo! The aerial is broken!
*Scene 2*
*In the newly built SR Towers Mark II. Everyone is sat around a huge table. Hybrid is covered in bandages and plaster*
Tony - So what was it?
Loki - A meteor shower, sir. Hybrid barely made it out alive
Tony - And what happened at Steph's wedding?
Mr Snuggly - We don't know sir, the aerial was completely destroyed
Tony - It'll be a cold day in hell when a meteor shower wrecks my viewing enjoyment! So, this new one you're tracking, what is it?
Loki - It's what they call an "aerial killer" sir, nothing would survive, not even Home & Away. Oh, and everyone and everything will be destroyed too
Tony - My God... how will we know what happens to Gypsy and her baby?! OK, calm down Tony, it's OK... So who knows about this?
Mr Snuggly - Only us and NASA sir, and since we have more funding than them, they've asked us to deal with it
Tony - Darn it! I knew I shouldn't have let this company get so rich! OK, so how long do we have, and what can we do about it?
Loki - We have 12 days, sir, then we can all kiss our rosy red butts goodbye. As for how to stop it, we're not sur-
Hybrid Valves - We drill sir. We go up, drill a big hole, drop a nuke and get back in time for Emmerdale
Tony - OK, what do you need?
Loki - Well, as luck would have it sir, we just happen to have a couple of space shuttles left over from April Fools day. You know, when we borrowed them from NASA and then told them we'd lost them?
Tony - Ha ha, oh yes... happy memories
Loki - So we assemble two teams of experts, send them up, and pray
Tony - OK, so who do we need?
Mr Snuggly - Well, I'll lead the shuttle Newbie. I want to recruit some members of the forums. Stryke as our resident know it all, Rakuga as our machine operator, Ant as a weapons expert, Loki and schroeder as pilot and co-pilot... and Hercules to make the teas
Hybrid Valves - And I'll lead the shuttle Spammer, with Grix Thraves as our "I'm too smart for my own good" expert, Goatboy as the ladies man, fido dido and Darkus as pilot and co-pilot, and er-no as the negative pessimist who'll shout "we're all going to die" every two minutes
Tony - OK, I'll stay here with the remaining staff members and help you best we can. As of now, this information is highly classified. Go and recruit the forum users, but don't tell ANYONE else about what is going to happen, do I make myself clear?
Hybrid Valves - (on the phone) Yes, mum, you can tell Aunt Flow, and the milkman, postman, butcher and that guy who works at ASDA. But no-one else! Oh, OK, you can tell Chris Moyles at Radio 1... Sorry, what was that, Tony? I was just on the phone to my mother, she works as a columnist for The Sun
*Everyone bangs their heads on the table*
*Scene 3*
*The forum users are sat around a large table, with Tony stood at the front*
Tony - OK, you forum users have been hand picked by the staff here at SR. Anyone wanna say no?
Stryke - Will we be paid?
Tony - Well, no... but we'll give you all a years free membership!
Rakuga - What about those of us who are already members?
Tony - Well, the fact that you're saving the world should be enough for you lot. OK, we WERE going to have you, and the staff members going with you, fully trained, but, you see... we sort of lost the number for the guys at NASA. So, we're just sending you up and hoping you won't spaz out and die or something. OK, please fill in these forms...
*Pieces of paper are handed out around the table*
Tony - Sign here, here, here... here, here and here, and then... oh yeah, once more here
Stryke - Wait, this says if we die, we don't hold you responsible!
Tony - What, you think we WANT you to sue us if you get crippled up there! Just sign it so we can be on our way
Goatboy - Is the angry haired girl going?
Tony - No, she filed a sexual harassment suit and quit. Somebody kept going into the shop and staring at her
Goatboy - Gee, I wonder who that was...
Tony - OK, off to your shuttles. And God be with you
Ant - Don't worry! I prayed for us all!
Stryke - Oh great, now you've jinxed it!
*Scene 4*
*At the launch pad*
Tony - OK, just stick on these suits. Oh, and don't forget your fish tanks- I mean helemts!
Mr Snuggly - Does anyone else think their suit doesn't exactly fit?
Stryke - Does anyone else think they look like Darth Vader?
Loki - You know these sewn on patches don't exactly fill you with confidence
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, and what's with the American flag on the side?
Tony - Oh stop complaining! We got them at a nice price. They're surplus... from the '50s
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/suits.jpg
*In the main SR control room, Tony is looking over some monitors, showing the two shuttles. Someone walks up and taps him on the shoulder*
Tony - Who the heck are you?
Mystique - I'm Mystique. Hybrid's mum told me what's gonna happen, so Hybrid said I could come down
Tony - Another one?! We already have half his street here to see him off! OK, you can stay in here, I guess. But don't steal any pens!
*Mystique wanders off to steal some pens*
Tony - OK, shuttle Spammer, shuttle Newbie, you are cleared for launch. Launch in t-minus 10 seconds
*Aboard the shuttle*
Tony - (over the radio) 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 1... Oops, my bad, I mean 2... 1... Go! I mean, blast off!
Hybrid - Oh no! I forgot to feed the cat! Stop everything!
Tony - (over the radio) Too late! You're already half way there!
*The two shuttles hurtle through the skies, dumping their rockets once they've passed the Earth's atmosphere. The interior of both shuttles are shaking like mad*
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/shuttlespammer.jpg
*Aboard the shuttle Newbie*
Stryke - Oh my God! We're all gonna die!
er-no - (over the radio) Hey, that's my line!
*The shuttle shakes more violently*
Mr Snuggly - Is this normal?!
Loki - You're asking me? The closest I've come to space travel is that ride that shakes at Disney Land!
schroeder - Men... typical! We're almost there you big girl's blouses!
*After a few minutes, the shaking stops*
Ant - Are we there yet?
Loki - I keep telling you - no!
Ant - But-
Loki - If you don't stop asking, I'm turning this shuttle around and going home, I swear!
Ant - But-
Loki - Right, that's it!
schroeder - Wait! There it is, look!
*The two shuttles come upon the huge asteroid*
Rakuga - Wow, look at the size of that thing!
Goatboy - (over the radio) Reminds me of something! Hur hur hur
Loki - OK, we have to slingshot around the moon
Stryke - Woah, woah, woah! No-one said anything about slingshotting!
schroeder - Relax, we have sick bags in case you feel sick! And there's a TV back there
Stryke - What's the in-flight movie?
Loki - Minority Report
*Stryke gags and reaches for his sick bag*
Loki - Oh come on, it isn't THAT bad! OK, we're beginning our decent!
*The two shuttles wrap around the moon, and come up behind the meteor. Immediately, small rocks start bouncing off the hull*
Loki - Argh! I just had this thing washed!
schreoder - Look out for that big one!
Loki - Relax, the auto pilot will take care of it
schroeder - Only if you turn it on!
Loki - Oops, my bad
*He steers the shuttle around a huge rock which is hurtling toward them. They narrowly avoid it*
schroeder - Why, oh why, were you put in charge?
Loki - Because I bagsied captain. OK, fido dido, do you read me?
fido dido - (over radio) Yeah, we read you. These rocks are hard to dodge
Loki - Don't worry, we should be through them soon
fido dido - Yeah. Actually, I think I'm getting the hang of it
*There's a loud crunching sound over the radio*
fido dido - Whoops...
Loki - Are you alright? What happened?
fido dido - Um... do these things have airbags?
Loki - My God! SR towers, come in SR towers! Shuttle Spammer has been hit sir, please advise!
Tony - (over radio) Oh no! Those things aren't insured! I thought I told you to be careful?!
*The shuttle Spammer starts veering out of control, scraping itself on the passing rocks*
*Aboard the shuttle Spammer*
Darkus - Go strap yourselves in the cargo bay!
Goatboy - I can't get my helmet on! Hur hur, I said-
*There's a loud crash as they hit another rock*
fido dido - Go! Now!
*Everyone except the pilot and co-pilot scramble to get their helmets on and float down to the cargo bay*
Darkus - Oh God, this is it!
fido dido - Ah well, I've led a full life... Oh, wait, no I haven't! Aaaarrrrggghhh!
*A huge rock smashes into the shuttle and they begin to spiral down towards the surface of the meteor*
*Aboard the shuttle Newbie*
Mr Snuggly - What is that? Is that the Spammer?
Loki - Tony, the Spammer is a dead stick... they're not going to make it
*Back in the control room*
Mystique - Noooo! Hybrid!
Tony - Control yourself, woman!
Mystique - Do something!
Tony - There's nothing we can do! Here, try this crossword
Mystique - Oooo... a type of bottle, five letters... hmmm
*Back in space, the shuttle Spammer smashes into the meteor and falls apart. The crew in the shuttle Newbie look morbid as they land safely on the meteor themselves*
Stryke - What happened? Are they OK?
Loki - Come on, we have to get to work
Stryke - What are you, some kind of guy with, like, no emotion or something?
Mr Snuggly - Hey, you saw it yourself. Just pray to God that he'll look after them... Oh, wait, with them dead, I won't have as many reviews and posts to read! Woo hoo!
*Everyone stares at him*
Mr Snuggly - Ahem, I mean, um... when will this madness end? *cough* OK, let's get going
Loki - (looking at a map) Where the heck are we?
Stryke - I know where we are
Loki - Please, this is neither the time, nor the place
Stryke - I know where we are! Look, we're on grid 14/06, instead of 01/04. Which means you landed us on a gosh darn iron plate!
Loki - How do you know that?
Stryke - Because I'm a genius. And I look like Kit Fisto
*Back in the control tower*
Brad - Sir, we've lost contact with both shuttles
Tony - Oh, God, please, let us still have one of them! I promised my cousin I'd sell them to him as scrap!
Brad - Wait, we're getting something, sir. It's not much, but I think we can see them
*Loki appears on the screens. There's a sigh of relief around the room*
Loki - Come in, SR towers, come in SR tow- Ah, finally. Stupid NTL never works! OK, sir, we've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is we've landed safely and drilling has begun... the bad news is, the elastic on the furry dice has snapped
Tony - £2.99 those things cost! What a waste! We could've made the armour on the ships twice as thick, but oh-no, we needed a fashionable cockpit! OK, keep drilling
*Mystique rushes up*
Mystique - Is Hybrid OK?
Loki - He's dead... I'm sorry
*Mystique collapses on a chair, weeping. Joe King approaches*
Joe King - So, I hear you're looking for a new boyfriend. I'm like, pretty tall...
*Scene 5*
*Outside the shuttle, on the asteroid's surface, the team are setting up their equipment*
Mr Snuggly - OK, start 'er up, Rakuga
*Rakuga, sat in the huge Armadillo, flips a switch and the big drilling rig starts*
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/armadillo.jpg
Mr Snuggly - Hmm, it's not drilling well
Stryke - There's some stuff in here I ain't never seen before, and I have a GCSE in Chemistry!
Mr Snuggly - Hey, hey, stop, Rakuga! Turn it off!
*Rakuga turns the drill off, and brings it up. The drill is ripped and twisted*
Hercules - Oh, God
Mr Snuggly - Hey, you've all seen broken drill heads before
Stryke - Actually, we haven't. And neither have you. We're not drillers. In fact, what qualifies you to be doing this?
Mr Snuggly - I own a Black & Decker drill
Stryke - Oh great! We've entrusted our lives to Handy Andy here!
*Back aboard the shuttle. Snuggly comes running in*
Loki - What's going on?
Mr Snuggly - Give me a hand with this
Loki - Why? What for? How deep are we?
Mr Snuggly - Just give me a hand with this drill head, we broke the last one
Loki - We're supposed to be at 200 feet by now. What is out current depth
Mr Snuggly - It's not gonna get any deeper with us just standing here, so give me a hand
Loki - Snuggly!
Mr Snuggly - We're at 57 feet. So give me a hand with this!
*Loki runs off to the radio*
Loki - SR towers, come in!
Tony - (over the radio) We read you
Loki - Sir, we're only at 57 feet. Please advise
Tony - Um... keep drilling?
Loki - Yes, sir
*Back in the SR control room, a group of army officers barge in*
Tony - Hey, what's this?
*A man in uniform approaches*
Officer - We're here to make sure you succeed. The Prime Minister doesn't feel the drilling is working. We're relieving you of your command
Tony - But this is my company! Do you have any idea what I've sacrificed for it! I don't even HAVE a social life!
Officer - I'm sorry, but we're detonating the bomb now
Tony - But they haven't even dug the hole yet!
*On the shuttle Newbie*
Hercules - Um... Snuggly? The clock on that 9 foot nuclear device just started ticking
Mr Snuggly - You sure it's not just an egg timer?
Hercules - Do egg timers say "five minutes till you become dust"?!
Loki - It's secondary protocol, we need to drop this bomb and get out of here!
Mr Snuggly - Why bother sending us all up here if they're just gonna blow us up before we get the job done!
Hercules - What's the big deal? Just turn it off!
Loki - The order can only come from the Prime Minister himself!
Mr Snuggly - Dammit, I knew I should've voted Raving Loony Monster Party!
Hercules - OK, stop messing about now... just turn it off, OK?
Mr Snuggly - Stryke, Rakuga, do you hear me? Get back to the shuttle, right now!
*Back outside*
Stryke - What was that?
Rakuga - Something about fancying his mother I think
Stryke - Great! Just what we needed!
*Inside the shuttle*
Hercules - Please, just turn it off! I can't take this kind of pressure!
Mr Snuggly - Turn it off, now!
Loki - You know I can't do that! Tony Blair helped paint my house last summer, so I owe him a favour!
*Mr Snuggly grabs a large brick*
Hercules - Hey, my mobile phone! Put that down!
*Snuggly swings it at Loki, smacking him in the head*
Loki - Ow! OK, OK, I'll shut it off! Geez! Ant, give me a hand
*Loki and Ant start fumbling with the controls of the bomb*
Ant - Green or blue?
Loki - Gree- Blue!
*Ant cuts the wire, the bomb stops counting down*
Loki - Wait, you cut the green wire!
Ant - Really? Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention. I'm colour blind
Hercules - Our bomb expert is colour blind?!
*Hercules faints*
Mr Snuggly - (into the radio) I don't know what you fools are playing at, but we've got a job to do. So stop trying to blow us up, it's not very amusing!
Loki - Do you swear you can get that hole drilled?
Mr Snuggly - Hey, I never said that
Loki - But-
Mr Snuggly - I just didn't want to get blown up, I have no idea if I can get the hole done in time! So, um, yeah, let's get this drill head outside
*Scene 6*
*The crew are drilling, Rakuga sat in the Armadillo, while Stryke wanders around*
Stryke - Wow, look at this view! Sure beats sheep, hills and coalmines!
Mr Snuggly - Will you stop messing around and give us a hand?
Stryke - Why? All you're doing is standing there, watching it drill. If we're all gonna die, I sure as heck don't wanna spend my last minutes staring at a big long shaft of metal... Hmm, this is where Goatboy would usually say something disgusting...
Mr Snuggly - He's dead, remember?
Stryke - He is? Yes! Now the red haired girl is all mine! Ha ha ha!
Loki - God, he's got space perverseness
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, and he used to have land perverseness too... Woah, woah! Rakuga, what are you doing?
Rakuga - Hang on, I've almost got it... There! I got to level 12! Woo!
Mr Snuggly - Put that Game Boy down and concentrate on the drilling, you're about to wreck the drill head!
Rakuga - Relax, nothing bad could possibly happen to me, I'm the hero!
Mr Snuggly - No you're not, you're just an extra!
Rakuga - What?!
*The drill hits a gas pocket and flames shoot out from the hole, licking at the Armadillo. The huge rig catches alight and the fuel tank explodes, sending the vehicle slowly spinning into orbit*
Mr Snuggly - Rakuga!
Rakuga - (over the radio) Argh! Help! I'm drifting into space! Oh, God, it's cold! So cold! My eye lids are freezing over! Help, I can't breath! Argh! For the love of God, someone please help me! Argh! I can't feel my legs!
Stryke - Anyone mind if I turn this off?
Mr Snuggly - No, go for it
*Stryke flicks a switch on the generator that's placed by the smoking crater that was once the Armadillo*
Rakuga - (over the radio) Tell my family I love-
*His voice is cut off*
Mr Snuggly - Thanks. OK, so, um... we've lost the Armadillo. Anyone got any ideas as to how we dig this hole?
Stryke - Why don't you use your Black & Decker, oh fearless leader!
Mr Snuggly - Darn it! I didn't think I'd need it so I brought my hairdryer instead!
*Uncomfortable silence*
Mr Snuggly - Hey, space travel puts a lot of pressure on your hair, and I want to look my best!
Stryke - Great, so not only can we not drill the hole and drop the nuke, but we're going to die and our last memories will be of Snuggly and his hairdryer. Thank you very much!
*Back on Earth*
Radio - And it appears as though the joint NASA/Special Reserve venture to save us all has suffered huge losses. This reporter feels that SR chairman Tony is to blame, so asks you all to join us in a lynching of SR towers. We have pitch forks and torches-
*radio is retuned*
Radio - Several SR staff were asked to comment, but told us to leave them the heck alone as they ran home to be with their loved ones - presumably their PCs-
*radio is retuned*
Tony Blair - And I-I-I, feel that, it is in the best interests of, um, this great nation, that we, um, pray to... President Bush for help on this, our-our-our darkest... day. Anything you'd like to add, dear?
Cherrie Blair - Yes, um... I apologise for being such an idiot over the last few years... As for those morons at Special Reserve who are going to get us all killed-
*radio is turned off*
Tony - Darn it! I knew we should've sent up the team of chimps instead!
*Scene 7*
*The crew are sat around the half dug hole, looking depressed*
Hercules - Wait, what's that sound?
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, I hear it too... Is that Rice Crispies?
Stryke - No, you fool, it's radio static. Someone's coming into radio range
Mr Snuggly - It better not be Rakuga! I'm sick of his complaining about floating into space!
*Over the hills appears an Armadillo*
Mr Snuggly - Hybrid?
Hybrid Valves - Dun dun dun DUN dun! Dun dun dun DUUUN dun! Hybrid to the rescue!
Goatboy - And me! I helped too!
Mr Snuggly - I got three words for you, son! About bloomin' time!
Hybrid Valves - Miss me?
*Back on Earth*
Joe King - Looks like your boyfriend's back... darn it! So much for me making a move
Mystique - Boyfriend? No, we just sleep togeth-
*Back on the asteroid, Hybrid is sat in the Armadillo*
Mr Snuggly - OK, Valvy, this is our last drill and our last rig. And our last Armadillo... so screw this up and I'll kill you!
Loki - (over the radio) We got 20 minutes, will you guys hurry up already? I'm missing Game Network!
Mr Snuggly - We're moving as fast as we can! OK, Hybrid, punch it!
*They start drilling*
Mr Snuggly - Come on, come on, chew that iron mother funner up!
Stryke - Oh, please! Can we stop with the macho talk?
Mr Snuggly - Hey, back it up, back it up!
Hybrid Valves - It's alright, I know what I'm doing! I used to watch Changing Rooms!
Mr Snuggly - This is how we lost Rakuga!
Hybrid Valves - You said he ran off!
Mr Snuggly - Uh... yeah. Right after he, um, got blown up and floated off into space where his blood froze
Hybrid Valves - Eep! It's OK, don't worry, if I'm wrong I'll repent on my death bed!
Mr Snuggly - OK, make the call
Hybrid Valves - What, to Dominos Pizza?
Mr Snuggly - No! Whether to keep drilling!
Hybrid Valves - Of course! I knew you meant that! I mean, you'd never get a hold of Dominos Pizza from up here, that's absurd... Hey, stop looking at me that way!
Stryke - I'm sorry, I'm just mesmerised by your stupidity
Mr Snuggly - Hey! We did it! We're through! OK, get that bomb down, and we can go home and be heroes! I have a good feeling that everything is gonna be alright!
Stryke - Oh great, you just jinxed i-
*Without warning, everything and everyone is suddenly pelted with rocks. A meteor shower decimates everything as the crew scrambles to find cover*
Mr Snuggly - Ow! That one really hurt!
Stryke - I told you! But you English never listen!
*The shower eases up and finally stops. The crew clamber out of their hiding places to assess the damage. Ant is lying in a heap on the floor*
Mr Snuggly - Everyone alright?
Hybrid Valves - Yeah... well, except for Ant of course
Mr Snuggly - Well, one of us was bound to buy it up here. Well, him and Rakuga... and Grix Thraves and er-no... and Darkus and fido dido... Hmm, quite a little body bag count we have here, eh?
*Loki comes running out*
Loki - What was that?
Stryke - This idiot here decided he'd jinx the lot of us
Loki - Oh no!
Stryke - See? Even Loki agrees with me
Loki - No, you idiot, the nuke has been hit
Mr Snuggly - What? Darn it, why'd I have to get so cocky?!
Loki - No, it's just the timer and remote detonator... so we have no way of detonating it... Unless one of you stays behind
Goatboy - No way! I've got a date with a big breasted chick when I get back!
*Back in the shuttle*
Loki - schroeder and I are needed to pilot this crate, and besides, we're too important. So you lot have to draw straws. And it just so happens I have some!
*Loki holds up some "You're doomed" drawing straws and each of the crew takes one in turn*
Mr Snuggly - Hey, wait a minute!
Loki - Oops, forgot to make them different lengths!
Stryke - Oh for goodness sakes! Am I completely surrounded by ignoramuses?!
*Everyone looks blank*
Stryke - Just as I thought! Fun you guys, I'm going outside!
*Stryke rushes towards the airlock*
Loki - Wait! Aren't you forgetting something?
Stryke - Um... "fun you guys"... "I'm going outside"... Nope, don't think so
Loki - Your helmet, brain king
Stryke - I knew that! Give it here!
Loki - Now whos the ignor-whatsit. You're staying here and drawing with everyone else! So take a straw!
*They all draw straws*
Hercules - Please, please, please, don't let it be me! I'm too young to die!
Stryke - Please, please, please, don't let it be me! I'm too handsom to die!
*Hybrid draws. The straw is tiny*
Hybrid Valves - Oh... God
Stryke - Ha ha! Sorry, I mean, um... bad luck
Mr Snuggly - I'll see you out
*Snuggly and Hybrid travel down in the airlock lift to the asteroid surface*
Hybrid Valves - Just... just tell Mystique I love her, can you do that for me?
Mr Snuggly - Sure, pal
Hybrid Valves - Oh, and that I wish I could've married her
Mr Snuggly - OK
Hybrid Valves - And that we could've had loads of kids, and a big house, with a maid and a dog. Oh, and a nice garden with trees and plants and a cute little picket fence!
Mr Snuggly - Oh for God's sake!
*Mr Snuggly grabs Hybrid and pushes him back into the airlock*
Mr Snuggly - I'll do it myself! I can't stand anymore of your romantic babbling!
Hybrid Valves - No, Snuggly, you have so much to live for! Like, the, um... the... the Simpsons at 6pm on BBC2 every weekday! Think of Homer, and Bart! Please, Snuggly, don't do this!
Mr Snuggly - Oh shut up before you change my mind!
*He pushes the button and the lift goes back up. Hybrid reaches the top*
Hercules - What happened?
Hybrid Valves - He's doing it himself!
*Everyone gasps, except Stryke*
Stryke - Well, just as long as I don't have to do it!
*On the surface, Snuggly climbs into the Armadillo and turns the TV on. He appears on the screens all over the SR control tower*
Tony - Snuggly? You alright?
Mr Snuggly - Yeah... just do something for me will you?
Tony - Anything
Mr Snuggly - Punch that idiot Hybrid for making me do this!
Tony - Will do. You're a hero now, you know that, right?
Mr Snuggly - Don't crowd me fans
Tony - We'll make a monument in your honour
Mr Snuggly - Great! Put a statue of me, with, like, big muscles and stuff on it- Hang on, Loki needs me. I'd better go... Peace out
*The monitors go blank*
Tony - Peace out? Who does he think he is, Jimi Hendrix?
*Back on the asteroid, Mr Snuggly climbs out of the Armadillo and walks up to the nuke*
Mr Snuggly - Why haven't you guys left yet? If you don't hurry up I'm gonna change my mind and run back into the shuttle!
Loki - (over the radio) We're going, we're going! Just as soon as we find the ignition keys
Mr Snuggly - Oh for Pete's sake! We're a real Mickey Mouse operation, aren't we?
Loki - (over the radio) Found 'em! OK, we are outta here! So long Snuggly! We'll never forget you!
Mr Snuggly - Thanks, you know I-
Loki - Hey, hey, we don't have all day here! We've gotta go!
Mr Snuggly - Typical! I save the world and I don't even get to say any last words!
*The shuttle blasts off and sails into the distance*
Mr Snuggly - Wait a minute, he didn't tell me how to set this thing off! That is so typical!
*In the shuttle*
Loki - Too much time has gone by... We're going back and doing it ourselves. Never trust a Snuggly to do a Loki's job!
Hercules - Don't!
Stryke - Yeah, I ain't risking dying! Anyway, if he doesn't do it, we can watch the world blow up from here! Hey, maybe we can land on Mars and start a colony or something...
*Back on the surface*
Mr Snuggly - Argh! These instructions are in French! That's so typical of Loki, buying from the cheapest bidder! OK... um... Ip do, magazoo... ah, this one looks good
*Mr Snuggly presses the button*
Mr Snuggly - Yippy kai ey, motherfu-
*The whole asteroid explodes in a huge mushroom cloud. The shuttle speeds away, just making it out in time*
Hercules - Wow, we're heroes now! We can do what we want! Let's go steal some cars!
Stryke - I'm going on Jerry Springer, I can sell my story and make millions! Ha ha ha! Oh, and to pass the time for our trip home, look what I brought! Tenacious D!
*The shuttle lands in SR tower's back garden to the sounds of "Tribute". The crew fly down the chute*
Hercules - Weeee! That was fun, can we do it again?
*Mystique runs up and throws her arms around Hybrid Valves*
Mystique - You made it!
Hybrid Valves - Of course! And it'll make a great story to tell our kids!
Mystique - Kids?! You've got to be joking!
Tony - So, Loki... you did it. You saved the world
Loki - Sure did. Oh, and Snuggly helped... a little
Stryke - Hmm, maybe I can sue SR for causing stress and trauma... Hmm
*Some jet fighters fly overhead and everyone looks on in glee. Tony walks up to Hybrid Valves and cracks him one in the face*
Goatboy - Hey, Snuggly... you the man
*In space, the Armadillo is still floating. Rakuga is playing on his Game Boy*
Rakuga - I'm sure they'll be along to rescue me any minute now! Boy, it sure is cold in here... Well, as long as I have my trusty Game Boy, I'll be alright
*The batteries on the Game Boy go dead*
Rakuga - Mother funner!
THE END
*SR Towers*
*Mr Snuggly is talking into a two way radio*
Mr Snuggly - That's right, just a little more to the left... No, no, that's too far. OK, back it up a little...
*Loki comes in*
Loki - What you doing? Guiding a plane down?
Mr Snuggly - No, I'm helping Hybrid fix the TV aerial
*The static on the TV finally disappears and Neighbours comes on*
Mr Snuggly - Yes! Finally! After two weeks of tennis, and a broken aerial... we have Neighbours!
Hybrid Halves - (over radio) OK, I'm ready to come down now... Hey, what's that?
Mr Snuggly - What is it, Hybrid?
*There is a loud crashing sound, then what can only be described as heavy hail stone*
Mr Snuggly - Hybrid? Hybrid? Come in, do you read me?
Loki - We'd better go out and check on him
*They walk outside to see most of SR towers in flames, bricks and tiles crumbling and piling up around their feet. Hybrid is stuck half way up a ladder, covered in blood*
Mr Snuggly - Nooooooo! The aerial is broken!
*Scene 2*
*In the newly built SR Towers Mark II. Everyone is sat around a huge table. Hybrid is covered in bandages and plaster*
Tony - So what was it?
Loki - A meteor shower, sir. Hybrid barely made it out alive
Tony - And what happened at Steph's wedding?
Mr Snuggly - We don't know sir, the aerial was completely destroyed
Tony - It'll be a cold day in hell when a meteor shower wrecks my viewing enjoyment! So, this new one you're tracking, what is it?
Loki - It's what they call an "aerial killer" sir, nothing would survive, not even Home & Away. Oh, and everyone and everything will be destroyed too
Tony - My God... how will we know what happens to Gypsy and her baby?! OK, calm down Tony, it's OK... So who knows about this?
Mr Snuggly - Only us and NASA sir, and since we have more funding than them, they've asked us to deal with it
Tony - Darn it! I knew I shouldn't have let this company get so rich! OK, so how long do we have, and what can we do about it?
Loki - We have 12 days, sir, then we can all kiss our rosy red butts goodbye. As for how to stop it, we're not sur-
Hybrid Valves - We drill sir. We go up, drill a big hole, drop a nuke and get back in time for Emmerdale
Tony - OK, what do you need?
Loki - Well, as luck would have it sir, we just happen to have a couple of space shuttles left over from April Fools day. You know, when we borrowed them from NASA and then told them we'd lost them?
Tony - Ha ha, oh yes... happy memories
Loki - So we assemble two teams of experts, send them up, and pray
Tony - OK, so who do we need?
Mr Snuggly - Well, I'll lead the shuttle Newbie. I want to recruit some members of the forums. Stryke as our resident know it all, Rakuga as our machine operator, Ant as a weapons expert, Loki and schroeder as pilot and co-pilot... and Hercules to make the teas
Hybrid Valves - And I'll lead the shuttle Spammer, with Grix Thraves as our "I'm too smart for my own good" expert, Goatboy as the ladies man, fido dido and Darkus as pilot and co-pilot, and er-no as the negative pessimist who'll shout "we're all going to die" every two minutes
Tony - OK, I'll stay here with the remaining staff members and help you best we can. As of now, this information is highly classified. Go and recruit the forum users, but don't tell ANYONE else about what is going to happen, do I make myself clear?
Hybrid Valves - (on the phone) Yes, mum, you can tell Aunt Flow, and the milkman, postman, butcher and that guy who works at ASDA. But no-one else! Oh, OK, you can tell Chris Moyles at Radio 1... Sorry, what was that, Tony? I was just on the phone to my mother, she works as a columnist for The Sun
*Everyone bangs their heads on the table*
*Scene 3*
*The forum users are sat around a large table, with Tony stood at the front*
Tony - OK, you forum users have been hand picked by the staff here at SR. Anyone wanna say no?
Stryke - Will we be paid?
Tony - Well, no... but we'll give you all a years free membership!
Rakuga - What about those of us who are already members?
Tony - Well, the fact that you're saving the world should be enough for you lot. OK, we WERE going to have you, and the staff members going with you, fully trained, but, you see... we sort of lost the number for the guys at NASA. So, we're just sending you up and hoping you won't spaz out and die or something. OK, please fill in these forms...
*Pieces of paper are handed out around the table*
Tony - Sign here, here, here... here, here and here, and then... oh yeah, once more here
Stryke - Wait, this says if we die, we don't hold you responsible!
Tony - What, you think we WANT you to sue us if you get crippled up there! Just sign it so we can be on our way
Goatboy - Is the angry haired girl going?
Tony - No, she filed a sexual harassment suit and quit. Somebody kept going into the shop and staring at her
Goatboy - Gee, I wonder who that was...
Tony - OK, off to your shuttles. And God be with you
Ant - Don't worry! I prayed for us all!
Stryke - Oh great, now you've jinxed it!
*Scene 4*
*At the launch pad*
Tony - OK, just stick on these suits. Oh, and don't forget your fish tanks- I mean helemts!
Mr Snuggly - Does anyone else think their suit doesn't exactly fit?
Stryke - Does anyone else think they look like Darth Vader?
Loki - You know these sewn on patches don't exactly fill you with confidence
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, and what's with the American flag on the side?
Tony - Oh stop complaining! We got them at a nice price. They're surplus... from the '50s
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/suits.jpg
*In the main SR control room, Tony is looking over some monitors, showing the two shuttles. Someone walks up and taps him on the shoulder*
Tony - Who the heck are you?
Mystique - I'm Mystique. Hybrid's mum told me what's gonna happen, so Hybrid said I could come down
Tony - Another one?! We already have half his street here to see him off! OK, you can stay in here, I guess. But don't steal any pens!
*Mystique wanders off to steal some pens*
Tony - OK, shuttle Spammer, shuttle Newbie, you are cleared for launch. Launch in t-minus 10 seconds
*Aboard the shuttle*
Tony - (over the radio) 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 1... Oops, my bad, I mean 2... 1... Go! I mean, blast off!
Hybrid - Oh no! I forgot to feed the cat! Stop everything!
Tony - (over the radio) Too late! You're already half way there!
*The two shuttles hurtle through the skies, dumping their rockets once they've passed the Earth's atmosphere. The interior of both shuttles are shaking like mad*
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/shuttlespammer.jpg
*Aboard the shuttle Newbie*
Stryke - Oh my God! We're all gonna die!
er-no - (over the radio) Hey, that's my line!
*The shuttle shakes more violently*
Mr Snuggly - Is this normal?!
Loki - You're asking me? The closest I've come to space travel is that ride that shakes at Disney Land!
schroeder - Men... typical! We're almost there you big girl's blouses!
*After a few minutes, the shaking stops*
Ant - Are we there yet?
Loki - I keep telling you - no!
Ant - But-
Loki - If you don't stop asking, I'm turning this shuttle around and going home, I swear!
Ant - But-
Loki - Right, that's it!
schroeder - Wait! There it is, look!
*The two shuttles come upon the huge asteroid*
Rakuga - Wow, look at the size of that thing!
Goatboy - (over the radio) Reminds me of something! Hur hur hur
Loki - OK, we have to slingshot around the moon
Stryke - Woah, woah, woah! No-one said anything about slingshotting!
schroeder - Relax, we have sick bags in case you feel sick! And there's a TV back there
Stryke - What's the in-flight movie?
Loki - Minority Report
*Stryke gags and reaches for his sick bag*
Loki - Oh come on, it isn't THAT bad! OK, we're beginning our decent!
*The two shuttles wrap around the moon, and come up behind the meteor. Immediately, small rocks start bouncing off the hull*
Loki - Argh! I just had this thing washed!
schreoder - Look out for that big one!
Loki - Relax, the auto pilot will take care of it
schroeder - Only if you turn it on!
Loki - Oops, my bad
*He steers the shuttle around a huge rock which is hurtling toward them. They narrowly avoid it*
schroeder - Why, oh why, were you put in charge?
Loki - Because I bagsied captain. OK, fido dido, do you read me?
fido dido - (over radio) Yeah, we read you. These rocks are hard to dodge
Loki - Don't worry, we should be through them soon
fido dido - Yeah. Actually, I think I'm getting the hang of it
*There's a loud crunching sound over the radio*
fido dido - Whoops...
Loki - Are you alright? What happened?
fido dido - Um... do these things have airbags?
Loki - My God! SR towers, come in SR towers! Shuttle Spammer has been hit sir, please advise!
Tony - (over radio) Oh no! Those things aren't insured! I thought I told you to be careful?!
*The shuttle Spammer starts veering out of control, scraping itself on the passing rocks*
*Aboard the shuttle Spammer*
Darkus - Go strap yourselves in the cargo bay!
Goatboy - I can't get my helmet on! Hur hur, I said-
*There's a loud crash as they hit another rock*
fido dido - Go! Now!
*Everyone except the pilot and co-pilot scramble to get their helmets on and float down to the cargo bay*
Darkus - Oh God, this is it!
fido dido - Ah well, I've led a full life... Oh, wait, no I haven't! Aaaarrrrggghhh!
*A huge rock smashes into the shuttle and they begin to spiral down towards the surface of the meteor*
*Aboard the shuttle Newbie*
Mr Snuggly - What is that? Is that the Spammer?
Loki - Tony, the Spammer is a dead stick... they're not going to make it
*Back in the control room*
Mystique - Noooo! Hybrid!
Tony - Control yourself, woman!
Mystique - Do something!
Tony - There's nothing we can do! Here, try this crossword
Mystique - Oooo... a type of bottle, five letters... hmmm
*Back in space, the shuttle Spammer smashes into the meteor and falls apart. The crew in the shuttle Newbie look morbid as they land safely on the meteor themselves*
Stryke - What happened? Are they OK?
Loki - Come on, we have to get to work
Stryke - What are you, some kind of guy with, like, no emotion or something?
Mr Snuggly - Hey, you saw it yourself. Just pray to God that he'll look after them... Oh, wait, with them dead, I won't have as many reviews and posts to read! Woo hoo!
*Everyone stares at him*
Mr Snuggly - Ahem, I mean, um... when will this madness end? *cough* OK, let's get going
Loki - (looking at a map) Where the heck are we?
Stryke - I know where we are
Loki - Please, this is neither the time, nor the place
Stryke - I know where we are! Look, we're on grid 14/06, instead of 01/04. Which means you landed us on a gosh darn iron plate!
Loki - How do you know that?
Stryke - Because I'm a genius. And I look like Kit Fisto
*Back in the control tower*
Brad - Sir, we've lost contact with both shuttles
Tony - Oh, God, please, let us still have one of them! I promised my cousin I'd sell them to him as scrap!
Brad - Wait, we're getting something, sir. It's not much, but I think we can see them
*Loki appears on the screens. There's a sigh of relief around the room*
Loki - Come in, SR towers, come in SR tow- Ah, finally. Stupid NTL never works! OK, sir, we've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is we've landed safely and drilling has begun... the bad news is, the elastic on the furry dice has snapped
Tony - £2.99 those things cost! What a waste! We could've made the armour on the ships twice as thick, but oh-no, we needed a fashionable cockpit! OK, keep drilling
*Mystique rushes up*
Mystique - Is Hybrid OK?
Loki - He's dead... I'm sorry
*Mystique collapses on a chair, weeping. Joe King approaches*
Joe King - So, I hear you're looking for a new boyfriend. I'm like, pretty tall...
*Scene 5*
*Outside the shuttle, on the asteroid's surface, the team are setting up their equipment*
Mr Snuggly - OK, start 'er up, Rakuga
*Rakuga, sat in the huge Armadillo, flips a switch and the big drilling rig starts*
http://www.boomspeed.com/mattt/armadillo.jpg
Mr Snuggly - Hmm, it's not drilling well
Stryke - There's some stuff in here I ain't never seen before, and I have a GCSE in Chemistry!
Mr Snuggly - Hey, hey, stop, Rakuga! Turn it off!
*Rakuga turns the drill off, and brings it up. The drill is ripped and twisted*
Hercules - Oh, God
Mr Snuggly - Hey, you've all seen broken drill heads before
Stryke - Actually, we haven't. And neither have you. We're not drillers. In fact, what qualifies you to be doing this?
Mr Snuggly - I own a Black & Decker drill
Stryke - Oh great! We've entrusted our lives to Handy Andy here!
*Back aboard the shuttle. Snuggly comes running in*
Loki - What's going on?
Mr Snuggly - Give me a hand with this
Loki - Why? What for? How deep are we?
Mr Snuggly - Just give me a hand with this drill head, we broke the last one
Loki - We're supposed to be at 200 feet by now. What is out current depth
Mr Snuggly - It's not gonna get any deeper with us just standing here, so give me a hand
Loki - Snuggly!
Mr Snuggly - We're at 57 feet. So give me a hand with this!
*Loki runs off to the radio*
Loki - SR towers, come in!
Tony - (over the radio) We read you
Loki - Sir, we're only at 57 feet. Please advise
Tony - Um... keep drilling?
Loki - Yes, sir
*Back in the SR control room, a group of army officers barge in*
Tony - Hey, what's this?
*A man in uniform approaches*
Officer - We're here to make sure you succeed. The Prime Minister doesn't feel the drilling is working. We're relieving you of your command
Tony - But this is my company! Do you have any idea what I've sacrificed for it! I don't even HAVE a social life!
Officer - I'm sorry, but we're detonating the bomb now
Tony - But they haven't even dug the hole yet!
*On the shuttle Newbie*
Hercules - Um... Snuggly? The clock on that 9 foot nuclear device just started ticking
Mr Snuggly - You sure it's not just an egg timer?
Hercules - Do egg timers say "five minutes till you become dust"?!
Loki - It's secondary protocol, we need to drop this bomb and get out of here!
Mr Snuggly - Why bother sending us all up here if they're just gonna blow us up before we get the job done!
Hercules - What's the big deal? Just turn it off!
Loki - The order can only come from the Prime Minister himself!
Mr Snuggly - Dammit, I knew I should've voted Raving Loony Monster Party!
Hercules - OK, stop messing about now... just turn it off, OK?
Mr Snuggly - Stryke, Rakuga, do you hear me? Get back to the shuttle, right now!
*Back outside*
Stryke - What was that?
Rakuga - Something about fancying his mother I think
Stryke - Great! Just what we needed!
*Inside the shuttle*
Hercules - Please, just turn it off! I can't take this kind of pressure!
Mr Snuggly - Turn it off, now!
Loki - You know I can't do that! Tony Blair helped paint my house last summer, so I owe him a favour!
*Mr Snuggly grabs a large brick*
Hercules - Hey, my mobile phone! Put that down!
*Snuggly swings it at Loki, smacking him in the head*
Loki - Ow! OK, OK, I'll shut it off! Geez! Ant, give me a hand
*Loki and Ant start fumbling with the controls of the bomb*
Ant - Green or blue?
Loki - Gree- Blue!
*Ant cuts the wire, the bomb stops counting down*
Loki - Wait, you cut the green wire!
Ant - Really? Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention. I'm colour blind
Hercules - Our bomb expert is colour blind?!
*Hercules faints*
Mr Snuggly - (into the radio) I don't know what you fools are playing at, but we've got a job to do. So stop trying to blow us up, it's not very amusing!
Loki - Do you swear you can get that hole drilled?
Mr Snuggly - Hey, I never said that
Loki - But-
Mr Snuggly - I just didn't want to get blown up, I have no idea if I can get the hole done in time! So, um, yeah, let's get this drill head outside
*Scene 6*
*The crew are drilling, Rakuga sat in the Armadillo, while Stryke wanders around*
Stryke - Wow, look at this view! Sure beats sheep, hills and coalmines!
Mr Snuggly - Will you stop messing around and give us a hand?
Stryke - Why? All you're doing is standing there, watching it drill. If we're all gonna die, I sure as heck don't wanna spend my last minutes staring at a big long shaft of metal... Hmm, this is where Goatboy would usually say something disgusting...
Mr Snuggly - He's dead, remember?
Stryke - He is? Yes! Now the red haired girl is all mine! Ha ha ha!
Loki - God, he's got space perverseness
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, and he used to have land perverseness too... Woah, woah! Rakuga, what are you doing?
Rakuga - Hang on, I've almost got it... There! I got to level 12! Woo!
Mr Snuggly - Put that Game Boy down and concentrate on the drilling, you're about to wreck the drill head!
Rakuga - Relax, nothing bad could possibly happen to me, I'm the hero!
Mr Snuggly - No you're not, you're just an extra!
Rakuga - What?!
*The drill hits a gas pocket and flames shoot out from the hole, licking at the Armadillo. The huge rig catches alight and the fuel tank explodes, sending the vehicle slowly spinning into orbit*
Mr Snuggly - Rakuga!
Rakuga - (over the radio) Argh! Help! I'm drifting into space! Oh, God, it's cold! So cold! My eye lids are freezing over! Help, I can't breath! Argh! For the love of God, someone please help me! Argh! I can't feel my legs!
Stryke - Anyone mind if I turn this off?
Mr Snuggly - No, go for it
*Stryke flicks a switch on the generator that's placed by the smoking crater that was once the Armadillo*
Rakuga - (over the radio) Tell my family I love-
*His voice is cut off*
Mr Snuggly - Thanks. OK, so, um... we've lost the Armadillo. Anyone got any ideas as to how we dig this hole?
Stryke - Why don't you use your Black & Decker, oh fearless leader!
Mr Snuggly - Darn it! I didn't think I'd need it so I brought my hairdryer instead!
*Uncomfortable silence*
Mr Snuggly - Hey, space travel puts a lot of pressure on your hair, and I want to look my best!
Stryke - Great, so not only can we not drill the hole and drop the nuke, but we're going to die and our last memories will be of Snuggly and his hairdryer. Thank you very much!
*Back on Earth*
Radio - And it appears as though the joint NASA/Special Reserve venture to save us all has suffered huge losses. This reporter feels that SR chairman Tony is to blame, so asks you all to join us in a lynching of SR towers. We have pitch forks and torches-
*radio is retuned*
Radio - Several SR staff were asked to comment, but told us to leave them the heck alone as they ran home to be with their loved ones - presumably their PCs-
*radio is retuned*
Tony Blair - And I-I-I, feel that, it is in the best interests of, um, this great nation, that we, um, pray to... President Bush for help on this, our-our-our darkest... day. Anything you'd like to add, dear?
Cherrie Blair - Yes, um... I apologise for being such an idiot over the last few years... As for those morons at Special Reserve who are going to get us all killed-
*radio is turned off*
Tony - Darn it! I knew we should've sent up the team of chimps instead!
*Scene 7*
*The crew are sat around the half dug hole, looking depressed*
Hercules - Wait, what's that sound?
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, I hear it too... Is that Rice Crispies?
Stryke - No, you fool, it's radio static. Someone's coming into radio range
Mr Snuggly - It better not be Rakuga! I'm sick of his complaining about floating into space!
*Over the hills appears an Armadillo*
Mr Snuggly - Hybrid?
Hybrid Valves - Dun dun dun DUN dun! Dun dun dun DUUUN dun! Hybrid to the rescue!
Goatboy - And me! I helped too!
Mr Snuggly - I got three words for you, son! About bloomin' time!
Hybrid Valves - Miss me?
*Back on Earth*
Joe King - Looks like your boyfriend's back... darn it! So much for me making a move
Mystique - Boyfriend? No, we just sleep togeth-
*Back on the asteroid, Hybrid is sat in the Armadillo*
Mr Snuggly - OK, Valvy, this is our last drill and our last rig. And our last Armadillo... so screw this up and I'll kill you!
Loki - (over the radio) We got 20 minutes, will you guys hurry up already? I'm missing Game Network!
Mr Snuggly - We're moving as fast as we can! OK, Hybrid, punch it!
*They start drilling*
Mr Snuggly - Come on, come on, chew that iron mother funner up!
Stryke - Oh, please! Can we stop with the macho talk?
Mr Snuggly - Hey, back it up, back it up!
Hybrid Valves - It's alright, I know what I'm doing! I used to watch Changing Rooms!
Mr Snuggly - This is how we lost Rakuga!
Hybrid Valves - You said he ran off!
Mr Snuggly - Uh... yeah. Right after he, um, got blown up and floated off into space where his blood froze
Hybrid Valves - Eep! It's OK, don't worry, if I'm wrong I'll repent on my death bed!
Mr Snuggly - OK, make the call
Hybrid Valves - What, to Dominos Pizza?
Mr Snuggly - No! Whether to keep drilling!
Hybrid Valves - Of course! I knew you meant that! I mean, you'd never get a hold of Dominos Pizza from up here, that's absurd... Hey, stop looking at me that way!
Stryke - I'm sorry, I'm just mesmerised by your stupidity
Mr Snuggly - Hey! We did it! We're through! OK, get that bomb down, and we can go home and be heroes! I have a good feeling that everything is gonna be alright!
Stryke - Oh great, you just jinxed i-
*Without warning, everything and everyone is suddenly pelted with rocks. A meteor shower decimates everything as the crew scrambles to find cover*
Mr Snuggly - Ow! That one really hurt!
Stryke - I told you! But you English never listen!
*The shower eases up and finally stops. The crew clamber out of their hiding places to assess the damage. Ant is lying in a heap on the floor*
Mr Snuggly - Everyone alright?
Hybrid Valves - Yeah... well, except for Ant of course
Mr Snuggly - Well, one of us was bound to buy it up here. Well, him and Rakuga... and Grix Thraves and er-no... and Darkus and fido dido... Hmm, quite a little body bag count we have here, eh?
*Loki comes running out*
Loki - What was that?
Stryke - This idiot here decided he'd jinx the lot of us
Loki - Oh no!
Stryke - See? Even Loki agrees with me
Loki - No, you idiot, the nuke has been hit
Mr Snuggly - What? Darn it, why'd I have to get so cocky?!
Loki - No, it's just the timer and remote detonator... so we have no way of detonating it... Unless one of you stays behind
Goatboy - No way! I've got a date with a big breasted chick when I get back!
*Back in the shuttle*
Loki - schroeder and I are needed to pilot this crate, and besides, we're too important. So you lot have to draw straws. And it just so happens I have some!
*Loki holds up some "You're doomed" drawing straws and each of the crew takes one in turn*
Mr Snuggly - Hey, wait a minute!
Loki - Oops, forgot to make them different lengths!
Stryke - Oh for goodness sakes! Am I completely surrounded by ignoramuses?!
*Everyone looks blank*
Stryke - Just as I thought! Fun you guys, I'm going outside!
*Stryke rushes towards the airlock*
Loki - Wait! Aren't you forgetting something?
Stryke - Um... "fun you guys"... "I'm going outside"... Nope, don't think so
Loki - Your helmet, brain king
Stryke - I knew that! Give it here!
Loki - Now whos the ignor-whatsit. You're staying here and drawing with everyone else! So take a straw!
*They all draw straws*
Hercules - Please, please, please, don't let it be me! I'm too young to die!
Stryke - Please, please, please, don't let it be me! I'm too handsom to die!
*Hybrid draws. The straw is tiny*
Hybrid Valves - Oh... God
Stryke - Ha ha! Sorry, I mean, um... bad luck
Mr Snuggly - I'll see you out
*Snuggly and Hybrid travel down in the airlock lift to the asteroid surface*
Hybrid Valves - Just... just tell Mystique I love her, can you do that for me?
Mr Snuggly - Sure, pal
Hybrid Valves - Oh, and that I wish I could've married her
Mr Snuggly - OK
Hybrid Valves - And that we could've had loads of kids, and a big house, with a maid and a dog. Oh, and a nice garden with trees and plants and a cute little picket fence!
Mr Snuggly - Oh for God's sake!
*Mr Snuggly grabs Hybrid and pushes him back into the airlock*
Mr Snuggly - I'll do it myself! I can't stand anymore of your romantic babbling!
Hybrid Valves - No, Snuggly, you have so much to live for! Like, the, um... the... the Simpsons at 6pm on BBC2 every weekday! Think of Homer, and Bart! Please, Snuggly, don't do this!
Mr Snuggly - Oh shut up before you change my mind!
*He pushes the button and the lift goes back up. Hybrid reaches the top*
Hercules - What happened?
Hybrid Valves - He's doing it himself!
*Everyone gasps, except Stryke*
Stryke - Well, just as long as I don't have to do it!
*On the surface, Snuggly climbs into the Armadillo and turns the TV on. He appears on the screens all over the SR control tower*
Tony - Snuggly? You alright?
Mr Snuggly - Yeah... just do something for me will you?
Tony - Anything
Mr Snuggly - Punch that idiot Hybrid for making me do this!
Tony - Will do. You're a hero now, you know that, right?
Mr Snuggly - Don't crowd me fans
Tony - We'll make a monument in your honour
Mr Snuggly - Great! Put a statue of me, with, like, big muscles and stuff on it- Hang on, Loki needs me. I'd better go... Peace out
*The monitors go blank*
Tony - Peace out? Who does he think he is, Jimi Hendrix?
*Back on the asteroid, Mr Snuggly climbs out of the Armadillo and walks up to the nuke*
Mr Snuggly - Why haven't you guys left yet? If you don't hurry up I'm gonna change my mind and run back into the shuttle!
Loki - (over the radio) We're going, we're going! Just as soon as we find the ignition keys
Mr Snuggly - Oh for Pete's sake! We're a real Mickey Mouse operation, aren't we?
Loki - (over the radio) Found 'em! OK, we are outta here! So long Snuggly! We'll never forget you!
Mr Snuggly - Thanks, you know I-
Loki - Hey, hey, we don't have all day here! We've gotta go!
Mr Snuggly - Typical! I save the world and I don't even get to say any last words!
*The shuttle blasts off and sails into the distance*
Mr Snuggly - Wait a minute, he didn't tell me how to set this thing off! That is so typical!
*In the shuttle*
Loki - Too much time has gone by... We're going back and doing it ourselves. Never trust a Snuggly to do a Loki's job!
Hercules - Don't!
Stryke - Yeah, I ain't risking dying! Anyway, if he doesn't do it, we can watch the world blow up from here! Hey, maybe we can land on Mars and start a colony or something...
*Back on the surface*
Mr Snuggly - Argh! These instructions are in French! That's so typical of Loki, buying from the cheapest bidder! OK... um... Ip do, magazoo... ah, this one looks good
*Mr Snuggly presses the button*
Mr Snuggly - Yippy kai ey, motherfu-
*The whole asteroid explodes in a huge mushroom cloud. The shuttle speeds away, just making it out in time*
Hercules - Wow, we're heroes now! We can do what we want! Let's go steal some cars!
Stryke - I'm going on Jerry Springer, I can sell my story and make millions! Ha ha ha! Oh, and to pass the time for our trip home, look what I brought! Tenacious D!
*The shuttle lands in SR tower's back garden to the sounds of "Tribute". The crew fly down the chute*
Hercules - Weeee! That was fun, can we do it again?
*Mystique runs up and throws her arms around Hybrid Valves*
Mystique - You made it!
Hybrid Valves - Of course! And it'll make a great story to tell our kids!
Mystique - Kids?! You've got to be joking!
Tony - So, Loki... you did it. You saved the world
Loki - Sure did. Oh, and Snuggly helped... a little
Stryke - Hmm, maybe I can sue SR for causing stress and trauma... Hmm
*Some jet fighters fly overhead and everyone looks on in glee. Tony walks up to Hybrid Valves and cracks him one in the face*
Goatboy - Hey, Snuggly... you the man
*In space, the Armadillo is still floating. Rakuga is playing on his Game Boy*
Rakuga - I'm sure they'll be along to rescue me any minute now! Boy, it sure is cold in here... Well, as long as I have my trusty Game Boy, I'll be alright
*The batteries on the Game Boy go dead*
Rakuga - Mother funner!
THE END
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Stryke wrote:
> So he sets up a different account, and decides to write worse posts
> with one?
>
> What you got, a team of monkeys working round the clock on this one?
I think what he was saying was that one account is used to write genuine posts, whilst the other is used an account to write copied stuff.
> So he sets up a different account, and decides to write worse posts
> with one?
>
> What you got, a team of monkeys working round the clock on this one?
I think what he was saying was that one account is used to write genuine posts, whilst the other is used an account to write copied stuff.
Lord H wrote:
> Sorry RM18 but I still think you are using two accounts.
>
> Spoofs suck.
>
> That's the last thing I'm going to say....... (until the next idiot
> decides to do one!) ;-)
OK, that's fine. I have no way of convincing you, so if you want to believe that, then that's your perogative. But in the future I would appreciate if we could at least be civil to each other, agree?
> Sorry RM18 but I still think you are using two accounts.
>
> Spoofs suck.
>
> That's the last thing I'm going to say....... (until the next idiot
> decides to do one!) ;-)
OK, that's fine. I have no way of convincing you, so if you want to believe that, then that's your perogative. But in the future I would appreciate if we could at least be civil to each other, agree?
So he sets up a different account, and decides to write worse posts with one?
What you got, a team of monkeys working round the clock on this one?
What you got, a team of monkeys working round the clock on this one?
Sorry RM18 but I still think you are using two accounts.
Spoofs suck.
That's the last thing I'm going to say....... (until the next idiot decides to do one!) ;-)
Spoofs suck.
That's the last thing I'm going to say....... (until the next idiot decides to do one!) ;-)
RM18 wrote:
P.S. Apologies to MoJo for spoiling this thread, but then again, that's the influence of Lord H!
------
Heh, don't worry about it, people like Lord H, unfortunatly, exist
And Mystique, I know you share Hybrid's dream of a picket fence! Don't deny it!
P.S. Apologies to MoJo for spoiling this thread, but then again, that's the influence of Lord H!
------
Heh, don't worry about it, people like Lord H, unfortunatly, exist
And Mystique, I know you share Hybrid's dream of a picket fence! Don't deny it!
P-p-p-Picket fence?!!
That sounds like commitment to me!
*Gulp*!
That sounds like commitment to me!
*Gulp*!
It's not like I even know who you are - to be honest I don't even remember telling you. Or maybe you are using a different account...
P.S. Apologies to MoJo for spoiling this thread, but then again, that's the influence of Lord H!
P.S. Apologies to MoJo for spoiling this thread, but then again, that's the influence of Lord H!
Lord H wrote:
> RM18 wrote:
>
> write something worthwhile (hopefully that you've worked hard on) so
> we can rip the p*ss out of it?
>
> When I can be bothered signing up for a new account and then claiming
> it is my "little brother" when everyone starts calling it.
> Sound familiar Mr Mehrad?
What is so inconcievable about two brothers, living in the same house, with only one computer which they both share? Well, I suppose it must be difficult to comprehend for small people like Lord H. Oh, and please stop writing my surname, I don't know who you think you are, but stop it.
> RM18 wrote:
>
> write something worthwhile (hopefully that you've worked hard on) so
> we can rip the p*ss out of it?
>
> When I can be bothered signing up for a new account and then claiming
> it is my "little brother" when everyone starts calling it.
> Sound familiar Mr Mehrad?
What is so inconcievable about two brothers, living in the same house, with only one computer which they both share? Well, I suppose it must be difficult to comprehend for small people like Lord H. Oh, and please stop writing my surname, I don't know who you think you are, but stop it.
I don't have the time to read it now as I have dinner in an hour, heh. But i'll read it later.
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