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I’ve been considering the utter vacuum that is Big Brother. What purpose does it serve? Why do people watch it?
And reading another thread here has given me ideas on how to improve it, and remove the drooling chimps that want to be on the show.
So, without further ado, I give you:
-----
Big Brother: The Real Deal
1 - Populate the house with criminally psychotic people.
12 maniacs in the same house. Each week, instead of nominating someone to be evicted, an item of furniture is removed (chair, bed, sofa etc) until the final 4 weeks means there is 1 chair and no beds.
Then, each morning, a hatch opens in the wall. 1 hatch per mental-man.
In the hatch will be a melee weapon. Except for 1, where there will be a mackerel.
Once the hatch is opened, each loon then has 12 minutes to choose a member of the house and bludgeon them to death.
The winner is the quickest to pulp the poor psycho’s yam, he then gets to feast on the sticky brain-mess.
This continues until only 2 mentals are left in the house.
They are both placed in a big pit, and a pointy stick thrown in.
The winner emerges victorious and will be presented with a lifetime job as a mini-can driver.
2 - Feral children.
8 dirty faced kids, no adult supervision and plenty of bins to forage in.
Each morning, crazed wolves are released into the house and the monkey-kids will be forced to fight for their lives. If they win, the wolves become dinner/clothing/a source of warmth (like the Taunton bit in Empire).
If they lose? The wolves get breakfast and the feral urchins learn to fear the lupine menace.
This continues until either the wolves scarf all the pikey brats or the savages have utilised the wolve resources and turn into a tribe that worships the ever-present camera.
3 – Mutes.
Every single housemate is a mute.
Nobody would complain or make jokes because the PC Police would arrest you.
Genius.
4 – Chimpanzees
Just simians. No people. No tasks, just 12 monkeys locked in a house with 24/7 surveillance.
I promise you, it would have the highest ratings ever. Even when they just lounge in the pool and sniff each other’s monkey bungholes.
5 – People with severe, crippling phobias.
Each morning, one lucky goon is presented with whatever it is that triggers his/her phobia, and they are locked in the diary room with it.
That’s about it for that one.
6 – Babies.
Similar to the monkey one, just film them without supervision.
Either they will become incredibly intelligent and fend for themselves, or they will just lay on their backs and kick their legs.
Little little fans of The Sultans of Ping.
--
I cant be bothered with any more, because even trying to spoof this show is turning my headegg to a smash.
And reading another thread here has given me ideas on how to improve it, and remove the drooling chimps that want to be on the show.
So, without further ado, I give you:
-----
Big Brother: The Real Deal
1 - Populate the house with criminally psychotic people.
12 maniacs in the same house. Each week, instead of nominating someone to be evicted, an item of furniture is removed (chair, bed, sofa etc) until the final 4 weeks means there is 1 chair and no beds.
Then, each morning, a hatch opens in the wall. 1 hatch per mental-man.
In the hatch will be a melee weapon. Except for 1, where there will be a mackerel.
Once the hatch is opened, each loon then has 12 minutes to choose a member of the house and bludgeon them to death.
The winner is the quickest to pulp the poor psycho’s yam, he then gets to feast on the sticky brain-mess.
This continues until only 2 mentals are left in the house.
They are both placed in a big pit, and a pointy stick thrown in.
The winner emerges victorious and will be presented with a lifetime job as a mini-can driver.
2 - Feral children.
8 dirty faced kids, no adult supervision and plenty of bins to forage in.
Each morning, crazed wolves are released into the house and the monkey-kids will be forced to fight for their lives. If they win, the wolves become dinner/clothing/a source of warmth (like the Taunton bit in Empire).
If they lose? The wolves get breakfast and the feral urchins learn to fear the lupine menace.
This continues until either the wolves scarf all the pikey brats or the savages have utilised the wolve resources and turn into a tribe that worships the ever-present camera.
3 – Mutes.
Every single housemate is a mute.
Nobody would complain or make jokes because the PC Police would arrest you.
Genius.
4 – Chimpanzees
Just simians. No people. No tasks, just 12 monkeys locked in a house with 24/7 surveillance.
I promise you, it would have the highest ratings ever. Even when they just lounge in the pool and sniff each other’s monkey bungholes.
5 – People with severe, crippling phobias.
Each morning, one lucky goon is presented with whatever it is that triggers his/her phobia, and they are locked in the diary room with it.
That’s about it for that one.
6 – Babies.
Similar to the monkey one, just film them without supervision.
Either they will become incredibly intelligent and fend for themselves, or they will just lay on their backs and kick their legs.
Little little fans of The Sultans of Ping.
--
I cant be bothered with any more, because even trying to spoof this show is turning my headegg to a smash.
Page:
I’ve been considering the utter vacuum that is Big Brother. What purpose does it serve? Why do people watch it?
And reading another thread here has given me ideas on how to improve it, and remove the drooling chimps that want to be on the show.
So, without further ado, I give you:
-----
Big Brother: The Real Deal
1 - Populate the house with criminally psychotic people.
12 maniacs in the same house. Each week, instead of nominating someone to be evicted, an item of furniture is removed (chair, bed, sofa etc) until the final 4 weeks means there is 1 chair and no beds.
Then, each morning, a hatch opens in the wall. 1 hatch per mental-man.
In the hatch will be a melee weapon. Except for 1, where there will be a mackerel.
Once the hatch is opened, each loon then has 12 minutes to choose a member of the house and bludgeon them to death.
The winner is the quickest to pulp the poor psycho’s yam, he then gets to feast on the sticky brain-mess.
This continues until only 2 mentals are left in the house.
They are both placed in a big pit, and a pointy stick thrown in.
The winner emerges victorious and will be presented with a lifetime job as a mini-can driver.
2 - Feral children.
8 dirty faced kids, no adult supervision and plenty of bins to forage in.
Each morning, crazed wolves are released into the house and the monkey-kids will be forced to fight for their lives. If they win, the wolves become dinner/clothing/a source of warmth (like the Taunton bit in Empire).
If they lose? The wolves get breakfast and the feral urchins learn to fear the lupine menace.
This continues until either the wolves scarf all the pikey brats or the savages have utilised the wolve resources and turn into a tribe that worships the ever-present camera.
3 – Mutes.
Every single housemate is a mute.
Nobody would complain or make jokes because the PC Police would arrest you.
Genius.
4 – Chimpanzees
Just simians. No people. No tasks, just 12 monkeys locked in a house with 24/7 surveillance.
I promise you, it would have the highest ratings ever. Even when they just lounge in the pool and sniff each other’s monkey bungholes.
5 – People with severe, crippling phobias.
Each morning, one lucky goon is presented with whatever it is that triggers his/her phobia, and they are locked in the diary room with it.
That’s about it for that one.
6 – Babies.
Similar to the monkey one, just film them without supervision.
Either they will become incredibly intelligent and fend for themselves, or they will just lay on their backs and kick their legs.
Little little fans of The Sultans of Ping.
--
I cant be bothered with any more, because even trying to spoof this show is turning my headegg to a smash.
And reading another thread here has given me ideas on how to improve it, and remove the drooling chimps that want to be on the show.
So, without further ado, I give you:
-----
Big Brother: The Real Deal
1 - Populate the house with criminally psychotic people.
12 maniacs in the same house. Each week, instead of nominating someone to be evicted, an item of furniture is removed (chair, bed, sofa etc) until the final 4 weeks means there is 1 chair and no beds.
Then, each morning, a hatch opens in the wall. 1 hatch per mental-man.
In the hatch will be a melee weapon. Except for 1, where there will be a mackerel.
Once the hatch is opened, each loon then has 12 minutes to choose a member of the house and bludgeon them to death.
The winner is the quickest to pulp the poor psycho’s yam, he then gets to feast on the sticky brain-mess.
This continues until only 2 mentals are left in the house.
They are both placed in a big pit, and a pointy stick thrown in.
The winner emerges victorious and will be presented with a lifetime job as a mini-can driver.
2 - Feral children.
8 dirty faced kids, no adult supervision and plenty of bins to forage in.
Each morning, crazed wolves are released into the house and the monkey-kids will be forced to fight for their lives. If they win, the wolves become dinner/clothing/a source of warmth (like the Taunton bit in Empire).
If they lose? The wolves get breakfast and the feral urchins learn to fear the lupine menace.
This continues until either the wolves scarf all the pikey brats or the savages have utilised the wolve resources and turn into a tribe that worships the ever-present camera.
3 – Mutes.
Every single housemate is a mute.
Nobody would complain or make jokes because the PC Police would arrest you.
Genius.
4 – Chimpanzees
Just simians. No people. No tasks, just 12 monkeys locked in a house with 24/7 surveillance.
I promise you, it would have the highest ratings ever. Even when they just lounge in the pool and sniff each other’s monkey bungholes.
5 – People with severe, crippling phobias.
Each morning, one lucky goon is presented with whatever it is that triggers his/her phobia, and they are locked in the diary room with it.
That’s about it for that one.
6 – Babies.
Similar to the monkey one, just film them without supervision.
Either they will become incredibly intelligent and fend for themselves, or they will just lay on their backs and kick their legs.
Little little fans of The Sultans of Ping.
--
I cant be bothered with any more, because even trying to spoof this show is turning my headegg to a smash.
How about twleve nyphomanic women, leave them for eight weeks, then replace the first evictee with a model male who has personality (I know that would be hard to find).
Or how about 6 normal people mixed with 6 dominatrixes in their normal attire, and provided with whips and bondage equipment.
P@st@ M@st@ wrote:
> How about twleve nyphomanic women, leave them for eight weeks, then
> replace the first evictee with a model male who has personality (I
> know that would be hard to find).
Oh, and lots of stamina, anything to improve the ratings....
> How about twleve nyphomanic women, leave them for eight weeks, then
> replace the first evictee with a model male who has personality (I
> know that would be hard to find).
Oh, and lots of stamina, anything to improve the ratings....
Why don't they just remake the film Cube...BUT REAL!
I think they should fill the next house with leading figures from science, theology, the arts, politics etc, then give them topics to debate each day for the challenges. The brain-dead nation would be tricked into watching something that actually expands and informs them, rather than panders to their already seriously depleted.
Either that or they’ll switch it off and it’ll get such bad ratings that the sodding show will be cancelled.
On the other hand, they could put six middle class Daily Mail readers from suburbia in with six of the guys from Jackass TV....
Either that or they’ll switch it off and it’ll get such bad ratings that the sodding show will be cancelled.
On the other hand, they could put six middle class Daily Mail readers from suburbia in with six of the guys from Jackass TV....
Nah, fill the house with water and chuck some sharks in.
Hooplah wrote:
> I think they should fill the next house with leading figures from
> science, theology, the arts, politics etc, then give them topics to
> debate each day for the challenges. The brain-dead nation would be
> tricked into watching something that actually expands and informs
> them, rather than panders to their already seriously depleted.
Minds is the word missing. You see what this show does to you...
> I think they should fill the next house with leading figures from
> science, theology, the arts, politics etc, then give them topics to
> debate each day for the challenges. The brain-dead nation would be
> tricked into watching something that actually expands and informs
> them, rather than panders to their already seriously depleted.
Minds is the word missing. You see what this show does to you...
I like the psychotically insane idea, but instead of removing furniture, every week add a DIY tool. Start with stanley knives and screwdrivers, and work up to heavy hammers and circular saws.
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