The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
I’ve been considering the utter vacuum that is Big Brother. What purpose does it serve? Why do people watch it?
And reading another thread here has given me ideas on how to improve it, and remove the drooling chimps that want to be on the show.
So, without further ado, I give you:
-----
Big Brother: The Real Deal
1 - Populate the house with criminally psychotic people.
12 maniacs in the same house. Each week, instead of nominating someone to be evicted, an item of furniture is removed (chair, bed, sofa etc) until the final 4 weeks means there is 1 chair and no beds.
Then, each morning, a hatch opens in the wall. 1 hatch per mental-man.
In the hatch will be a melee weapon. Except for 1, where there will be a mackerel.
Once the hatch is opened, each loon then has 12 minutes to choose a member of the house and bludgeon them to death.
The winner is the quickest to pulp the poor psycho’s yam, he then gets to feast on the sticky brain-mess.
This continues until only 2 mentals are left in the house.
They are both placed in a big pit, and a pointy stick thrown in.
The winner emerges victorious and will be presented with a lifetime job as a mini-can driver.
2 - Feral children.
8 dirty faced kids, no adult supervision and plenty of bins to forage in.
Each morning, crazed wolves are released into the house and the monkey-kids will be forced to fight for their lives. If they win, the wolves become dinner/clothing/a source of warmth (like the Taunton bit in Empire).
If they lose? The wolves get breakfast and the feral urchins learn to fear the lupine menace.
This continues until either the wolves scarf all the pikey brats or the savages have utilised the wolve resources and turn into a tribe that worships the ever-present camera.
3 – Mutes.
Every single housemate is a mute.
Nobody would complain or make jokes because the PC Police would arrest you.
Genius.
4 – Chimpanzees
Just simians. No people. No tasks, just 12 monkeys locked in a house with 24/7 surveillance.
I promise you, it would have the highest ratings ever. Even when they just lounge in the pool and sniff each other’s monkey bungholes.
5 – People with severe, crippling phobias.
Each morning, one lucky goon is presented with whatever it is that triggers his/her phobia, and they are locked in the diary room with it.
That’s about it for that one.
6 – Babies.
Similar to the monkey one, just film them without supervision.
Either they will become incredibly intelligent and fend for themselves, or they will just lay on their backs and kick their legs.
Little little fans of The Sultans of Ping.
--
I cant be bothered with any more, because even trying to spoof this show is turning my headegg to a smash.
And reading another thread here has given me ideas on how to improve it, and remove the drooling chimps that want to be on the show.
So, without further ado, I give you:
-----
Big Brother: The Real Deal
1 - Populate the house with criminally psychotic people.
12 maniacs in the same house. Each week, instead of nominating someone to be evicted, an item of furniture is removed (chair, bed, sofa etc) until the final 4 weeks means there is 1 chair and no beds.
Then, each morning, a hatch opens in the wall. 1 hatch per mental-man.
In the hatch will be a melee weapon. Except for 1, where there will be a mackerel.
Once the hatch is opened, each loon then has 12 minutes to choose a member of the house and bludgeon them to death.
The winner is the quickest to pulp the poor psycho’s yam, he then gets to feast on the sticky brain-mess.
This continues until only 2 mentals are left in the house.
They are both placed in a big pit, and a pointy stick thrown in.
The winner emerges victorious and will be presented with a lifetime job as a mini-can driver.
2 - Feral children.
8 dirty faced kids, no adult supervision and plenty of bins to forage in.
Each morning, crazed wolves are released into the house and the monkey-kids will be forced to fight for their lives. If they win, the wolves become dinner/clothing/a source of warmth (like the Taunton bit in Empire).
If they lose? The wolves get breakfast and the feral urchins learn to fear the lupine menace.
This continues until either the wolves scarf all the pikey brats or the savages have utilised the wolve resources and turn into a tribe that worships the ever-present camera.
3 – Mutes.
Every single housemate is a mute.
Nobody would complain or make jokes because the PC Police would arrest you.
Genius.
4 – Chimpanzees
Just simians. No people. No tasks, just 12 monkeys locked in a house with 24/7 surveillance.
I promise you, it would have the highest ratings ever. Even when they just lounge in the pool and sniff each other’s monkey bungholes.
5 – People with severe, crippling phobias.
Each morning, one lucky goon is presented with whatever it is that triggers his/her phobia, and they are locked in the diary room with it.
That’s about it for that one.
6 – Babies.
Similar to the monkey one, just film them without supervision.
Either they will become incredibly intelligent and fend for themselves, or they will just lay on their backs and kick their legs.
Little little fans of The Sultans of Ping.
--
I cant be bothered with any more, because even trying to spoof this show is turning my headegg to a smash.
Page:
monkey_man wrote:
> cookie monster wrote:
> They could also do stuff to freak the housemates out, like when they
> wake up there is blood dripping down the walls, a blood stained
> chainsaw in the kitchen and a hockey mask in the bathroom.
>
> But surely that's just a murder-mystery weekend?
Or a day in the life of a serial killer.
> cookie monster wrote:
> They could also do stuff to freak the housemates out, like when they
> wake up there is blood dripping down the walls, a blood stained
> chainsaw in the kitchen and a hockey mask in the bathroom.
>
> But surely that's just a murder-mystery weekend?
Or a day in the life of a serial killer.
cookie monster wrote:
> They could also do stuff to freak the housemates out, like when they
> wake up there is blood dripping down the walls, a blood stained
> chainsaw in the kitchen and a hockey mask in the bathroom.
But surely that's just a murder-mystery weekend?
> They could also do stuff to freak the housemates out, like when they
> wake up there is blood dripping down the walls, a blood stained
> chainsaw in the kitchen and a hockey mask in the bathroom.
But surely that's just a murder-mystery weekend?
They could also do stuff to freak the housemates out, like when they wake up there is blood dripping down the walls, a blood stained chainsaw in the kitchen and a hockey mask in the bathroom.
fosbe wrote:
> What about putting 15 porn stars in there? IT could be well good.
I'd audition for it. But just the audition, nothing else.
> What about putting 15 porn stars in there? IT could be well good.
I'd audition for it. But just the audition, nothing else.
What about putting 15 porn stars in there? IT could be well good.
I still reckon spiking the house's water supply with LSD (or some such hallucinogen) without telling them would make for some FUNNY television.
Mwu ha ha
Mwu ha ha
Puppets and things from past tv's kid's shows.
Zippy will get voted out straight away, same with Sooty, because he's boring. I'd put Berk in but he's made of plastercine and would need stop motion and people might notice.
Draw faces on tennis balls and put them all in the house. That'd be good. It'd be better.
Zippy will get voted out straight away, same with Sooty, because he's boring. I'd put Berk in but he's made of plastercine and would need stop motion and people might notice.
Draw faces on tennis balls and put them all in the house. That'd be good. It'd be better.
My favourite would be the kids with the wolves.
Though I imagine loads more people would actually watch the one with mutes.
Though I imagine loads more people would actually watch the one with mutes.
Goatboy wrote:
> turning my headegg to a smash.
Nice Morrisism :-)
> turning my headegg to a smash.
Nice Morrisism :-)
Page: