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Christians worldwide face a real faith test over the coming days after a Huddersfield man's claims that God is communicating with him, through sneezes.
Gavin Strang, aged 32, who has called himself 'Sneezus' claims that when he sneezes, and captures the pattern of saliva and snot, it is telling the true word of God - and some of it differs greatly from traditional Christian teachings.
Gavin says that he knew that it was God's way of speaking to him shortly after his wife left him, and he hit the bottle pretty hard. "After one boozy night I suddenly felt quite sick, and honked my guts up. The carrots in my vomit seemed to spell out the word GOD, so I started to look more closely at my other bodily functions. Shortly afterwards I picked up what I thought was a summer cold, I was getting through so many hankies, that I switched to sneezing into tissues. My sneezes became really powerful at this time though, and I found myself blowing holes right through the tissue. On one occasion it made the shape of a crucifix! Anyway, I kept getting snot on my hands like this, so I started carrying around kitchen roll with me, and sneezing into that. This made the images much clearer."
Apparently Gavin has seen scenes from some major bible events, such as the discovery of the ten commandments - only Gavin swears that he can make out at least 15 - but he refuses to tell what they are: "When God tells me that the time is right, I shall reveal the 5 new commandments to the world. Right now God is more interested in sneezing out the true identity of the devil for me, so that I may enlist an army of the man-beast to defeat him."
Gavin's collection of sneezy kitchen roll, telling the word of God can be seen on display at the Huddersfield Arts Centre from Friday.
David Ike declined to comment on this matter, but did tell us that his big brother, Jesus, would be appearing in a steak and kidney pie in Sheffield on Thursday week.
Gavin Strang, aged 32, who has called himself 'Sneezus' claims that when he sneezes, and captures the pattern of saliva and snot, it is telling the true word of God - and some of it differs greatly from traditional Christian teachings.
Gavin says that he knew that it was God's way of speaking to him shortly after his wife left him, and he hit the bottle pretty hard. "After one boozy night I suddenly felt quite sick, and honked my guts up. The carrots in my vomit seemed to spell out the word GOD, so I started to look more closely at my other bodily functions. Shortly afterwards I picked up what I thought was a summer cold, I was getting through so many hankies, that I switched to sneezing into tissues. My sneezes became really powerful at this time though, and I found myself blowing holes right through the tissue. On one occasion it made the shape of a crucifix! Anyway, I kept getting snot on my hands like this, so I started carrying around kitchen roll with me, and sneezing into that. This made the images much clearer."
Apparently Gavin has seen scenes from some major bible events, such as the discovery of the ten commandments - only Gavin swears that he can make out at least 15 - but he refuses to tell what they are: "When God tells me that the time is right, I shall reveal the 5 new commandments to the world. Right now God is more interested in sneezing out the true identity of the devil for me, so that I may enlist an army of the man-beast to defeat him."
Gavin's collection of sneezy kitchen roll, telling the word of God can be seen on display at the Huddersfield Arts Centre from Friday.
David Ike declined to comment on this matter, but did tell us that his big brother, Jesus, would be appearing in a steak and kidney pie in Sheffield on Thursday week.
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"Right now God is more interested in sneezing out the true identity of the devil for me, so that I may enlist an army of the man-beast to defeat him."
WAHAHAHAAAHAAA!!!! If that's what religion does to you, I'm steering well clear!
WAHAHAHAAAHAAA!!!! If that's what religion does to you, I'm steering well clear!
Maybe that's David Ike's new tack then, he is planning to get us all addicted to Pringle's (which most of us are already) and then he will start to add some mind altering drugs to them so that we all recognise his ridiculous claims. {:)
nh wrote:
> I echo Ant's comments, though more worryingly is that Ant's patented
> smiley seems to have David Ike's hairstyle !
Hehe, pb told me it looked it looked like the face on the Pringles tube. {:)
> I echo Ant's comments, though more worryingly is that Ant's patented
> smiley seems to have David Ike's hairstyle !
Hehe, pb told me it looked it looked like the face on the Pringles tube. {:)
I echo Ant's comments, though more worryingly is that Ant's patented smiley seems to have David Ike's hairstyle !
I echo Ant's comments, though more worryingly is that Ant's patented smiley seems to have David Ike's hairstyle !
That's why I 'smiled' afterwards. {:)
And again.
And again.
It's not supposed to be insulting though - sorry if you were Ant.
Just look upon Gavin Strang as a wierdo - much like David Ike, who really did claim to be the son of God a number of years ago. It's only insulting if you show it an ounce of credibility, and honestly, it's not supposed to offer that at all.
Just look upon Gavin Strang as a wierdo - much like David Ike, who really did claim to be the son of God a number of years ago. It's only insulting if you show it an ounce of credibility, and honestly, it's not supposed to offer that at all.
Humm...that was funny, but a tiny bit insulting. {:)
Thats disgusting.
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