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You think I'm joking? You really believe that I am not a vampire? WEll I've got news for you! I am a vampire, and here's the proof:
Garlic: It is a well known fact, in every vampire based story, vampires hate garlic. I can't stand the damn stuff! I feel physically sick if I can smell it, and you should see how I react if I find traces of garlic on my pizza or anything else I eat. It's horrible stuff! No wonder other vampires hate it, I can't understand how humans can cook the stuff without feeling ill. Ah well, I'm not human, so as long as I can avoid it, I'll be happy.
Light: There's one time of year I really dislike. Summer. Sure, the heat's no good, but it's the constant sunlight throughout the majority of the day I really can't stand. I burn way too easily. Even in the winter when it's cloudy I can get sunburnt if I'm not wearing longsleeves. So why don't I burst into flames and turn to ashes in a matter of seconds? Well, two-hundred years ago I might've done, but the Carbon Dioxide levels in the air caused by human industry have created a kind of sunscreen for vampires. Still burns though!
Crosses: Contrary to popular belief, wooden crosses don't actually kill vampires, nor do they protect humans from them. They only thing we dislike about them is once snapped in half, hey presto, instant stake! You'd be suprised what a hardcore Christian peasant woman of medieval times would react once she realises there's a vampire nearby. Holy water ain't really holy either! All it is is a strong acid in a perfume sized bottle that corrodes our skin. Churches these days never use the real stuff when it comes to baptisms, it's just tapwater.
Blood: Sure, I suck blood. Full of iron. Though it's usually from a medium-to-rare steak, or my bottom lip which I sometimes bite by accidentally. I still prefer human food. Providing I drink a lot (of human beverages) I manage to keep myself alive. I faint at the site of my own blood because of it!
Death: According to most vampire stories, vampires die once beheaded, burnt to death and have a wooden stake inserted into the heart. Well, I'm pretty certain I would die by those means. I'm not going to test them to prove it to you, but until it happens, it's all guessing.
Night: I love the night, especially clear nights when you can see all the stars, a few of the planets and the big, bright full moon with it's illusion of a terrified face looking down at me, whilst the nocturnal creatures such as bats, owls and moths fly past. Even hearing the cats fight, seeing their eyes glow in the dark, and watcing them hunt gives me a soothing feeling. The air is different at night, seems cleaner, fresh, and the atmosphere very mysterious. That's why I love the dark.
So there we have it. Still think I'm joking? Well that's up to you, but I am a vampire. I'm not cursed by the 'powers that be' to have a soul, I'm not evil like 'Count Dracula' and I don't sleep in a coffin. That's all fairy tale stuff. I'm a vampire, and that's that.
Garlic: It is a well known fact, in every vampire based story, vampires hate garlic. I can't stand the damn stuff! I feel physically sick if I can smell it, and you should see how I react if I find traces of garlic on my pizza or anything else I eat. It's horrible stuff! No wonder other vampires hate it, I can't understand how humans can cook the stuff without feeling ill. Ah well, I'm not human, so as long as I can avoid it, I'll be happy.
Light: There's one time of year I really dislike. Summer. Sure, the heat's no good, but it's the constant sunlight throughout the majority of the day I really can't stand. I burn way too easily. Even in the winter when it's cloudy I can get sunburnt if I'm not wearing longsleeves. So why don't I burst into flames and turn to ashes in a matter of seconds? Well, two-hundred years ago I might've done, but the Carbon Dioxide levels in the air caused by human industry have created a kind of sunscreen for vampires. Still burns though!
Crosses: Contrary to popular belief, wooden crosses don't actually kill vampires, nor do they protect humans from them. They only thing we dislike about them is once snapped in half, hey presto, instant stake! You'd be suprised what a hardcore Christian peasant woman of medieval times would react once she realises there's a vampire nearby. Holy water ain't really holy either! All it is is a strong acid in a perfume sized bottle that corrodes our skin. Churches these days never use the real stuff when it comes to baptisms, it's just tapwater.
Blood: Sure, I suck blood. Full of iron. Though it's usually from a medium-to-rare steak, or my bottom lip which I sometimes bite by accidentally. I still prefer human food. Providing I drink a lot (of human beverages) I manage to keep myself alive. I faint at the site of my own blood because of it!
Death: According to most vampire stories, vampires die once beheaded, burnt to death and have a wooden stake inserted into the heart. Well, I'm pretty certain I would die by those means. I'm not going to test them to prove it to you, but until it happens, it's all guessing.
Night: I love the night, especially clear nights when you can see all the stars, a few of the planets and the big, bright full moon with it's illusion of a terrified face looking down at me, whilst the nocturnal creatures such as bats, owls and moths fly past. Even hearing the cats fight, seeing their eyes glow in the dark, and watcing them hunt gives me a soothing feeling. The air is different at night, seems cleaner, fresh, and the atmosphere very mysterious. That's why I love the dark.
So there we have it. Still think I'm joking? Well that's up to you, but I am a vampire. I'm not cursed by the 'powers that be' to have a soul, I'm not evil like 'Count Dracula' and I don't sleep in a coffin. That's all fairy tale stuff. I'm a vampire, and that's that.
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Just a bit of trivia (this is coming from my memory): Vampires, in the oldest stories known, didn't used to suck from the neck, but from toes.
Now you know where feet fetishes come from!
I'm more of a neck-vampire myself mind...
Now you know where feet fetishes come from!
I'm more of a neck-vampire myself mind...
'200 hundred years ago you would have been burnt for saying things like that, thank god in today's modern multi-cultural society people can reveal themselves for who they truly are!'
Yeah right! People are as judgemental now as they were back then, if not more :P
Sorry, I really had to say that, for a comedic value. LoL Edgy! I tried to chase Edgy with a pitchfork on MSN, and he said: "Hey, I ain't sucked dry a virgin...wait a minute, vampires are made out to be perverts!"
LoL. Sheer genius Edgy!
Yeah right! People are as judgemental now as they were back then, if not more :P
Sorry, I really had to say that, for a comedic value. LoL Edgy! I tried to chase Edgy with a pitchfork on MSN, and he said: "Hey, I ain't sucked dry a virgin...wait a minute, vampires are made out to be perverts!"
LoL. Sheer genius Edgy!
200 hundred years ago you would have been burnt for saying things like that, thank god in today's modern multi-cultural society people can reveal themselves for who they truly are! And I know what you mean about summer, I hate it too, and I love the dark which makes it more annoying, when I wake up at 5am every morning it's bloody daylight outside!
You think I'm joking? You really believe that I am not a vampire? WEll I've got news for you! I am a vampire, and here's the proof:
Garlic: It is a well known fact, in every vampire based story, vampires hate garlic. I can't stand the damn stuff! I feel physically sick if I can smell it, and you should see how I react if I find traces of garlic on my pizza or anything else I eat. It's horrible stuff! No wonder other vampires hate it, I can't understand how humans can cook the stuff without feeling ill. Ah well, I'm not human, so as long as I can avoid it, I'll be happy.
Light: There's one time of year I really dislike. Summer. Sure, the heat's no good, but it's the constant sunlight throughout the majority of the day I really can't stand. I burn way too easily. Even in the winter when it's cloudy I can get sunburnt if I'm not wearing longsleeves. So why don't I burst into flames and turn to ashes in a matter of seconds? Well, two-hundred years ago I might've done, but the Carbon Dioxide levels in the air caused by human industry have created a kind of sunscreen for vampires. Still burns though!
Crosses: Contrary to popular belief, wooden crosses don't actually kill vampires, nor do they protect humans from them. They only thing we dislike about them is once snapped in half, hey presto, instant stake! You'd be suprised what a hardcore Christian peasant woman of medieval times would react once she realises there's a vampire nearby. Holy water ain't really holy either! All it is is a strong acid in a perfume sized bottle that corrodes our skin. Churches these days never use the real stuff when it comes to baptisms, it's just tapwater.
Blood: Sure, I suck blood. Full of iron. Though it's usually from a medium-to-rare steak, or my bottom lip which I sometimes bite by accidentally. I still prefer human food. Providing I drink a lot (of human beverages) I manage to keep myself alive. I faint at the site of my own blood because of it!
Death: According to most vampire stories, vampires die once beheaded, burnt to death and have a wooden stake inserted into the heart. Well, I'm pretty certain I would die by those means. I'm not going to test them to prove it to you, but until it happens, it's all guessing.
Night: I love the night, especially clear nights when you can see all the stars, a few of the planets and the big, bright full moon with it's illusion of a terrified face looking down at me, whilst the nocturnal creatures such as bats, owls and moths fly past. Even hearing the cats fight, seeing their eyes glow in the dark, and watcing them hunt gives me a soothing feeling. The air is different at night, seems cleaner, fresh, and the atmosphere very mysterious. That's why I love the dark.
So there we have it. Still think I'm joking? Well that's up to you, but I am a vampire. I'm not cursed by the 'powers that be' to have a soul, I'm not evil like 'Count Dracula' and I don't sleep in a coffin. That's all fairy tale stuff. I'm a vampire, and that's that.
Garlic: It is a well known fact, in every vampire based story, vampires hate garlic. I can't stand the damn stuff! I feel physically sick if I can smell it, and you should see how I react if I find traces of garlic on my pizza or anything else I eat. It's horrible stuff! No wonder other vampires hate it, I can't understand how humans can cook the stuff without feeling ill. Ah well, I'm not human, so as long as I can avoid it, I'll be happy.
Light: There's one time of year I really dislike. Summer. Sure, the heat's no good, but it's the constant sunlight throughout the majority of the day I really can't stand. I burn way too easily. Even in the winter when it's cloudy I can get sunburnt if I'm not wearing longsleeves. So why don't I burst into flames and turn to ashes in a matter of seconds? Well, two-hundred years ago I might've done, but the Carbon Dioxide levels in the air caused by human industry have created a kind of sunscreen for vampires. Still burns though!
Crosses: Contrary to popular belief, wooden crosses don't actually kill vampires, nor do they protect humans from them. They only thing we dislike about them is once snapped in half, hey presto, instant stake! You'd be suprised what a hardcore Christian peasant woman of medieval times would react once she realises there's a vampire nearby. Holy water ain't really holy either! All it is is a strong acid in a perfume sized bottle that corrodes our skin. Churches these days never use the real stuff when it comes to baptisms, it's just tapwater.
Blood: Sure, I suck blood. Full of iron. Though it's usually from a medium-to-rare steak, or my bottom lip which I sometimes bite by accidentally. I still prefer human food. Providing I drink a lot (of human beverages) I manage to keep myself alive. I faint at the site of my own blood because of it!
Death: According to most vampire stories, vampires die once beheaded, burnt to death and have a wooden stake inserted into the heart. Well, I'm pretty certain I would die by those means. I'm not going to test them to prove it to you, but until it happens, it's all guessing.
Night: I love the night, especially clear nights when you can see all the stars, a few of the planets and the big, bright full moon with it's illusion of a terrified face looking down at me, whilst the nocturnal creatures such as bats, owls and moths fly past. Even hearing the cats fight, seeing their eyes glow in the dark, and watcing them hunt gives me a soothing feeling. The air is different at night, seems cleaner, fresh, and the atmosphere very mysterious. That's why I love the dark.
So there we have it. Still think I'm joking? Well that's up to you, but I am a vampire. I'm not cursed by the 'powers that be' to have a soul, I'm not evil like 'Count Dracula' and I don't sleep in a coffin. That's all fairy tale stuff. I'm a vampire, and that's that.
Page: