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"Something hurts"

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Fri 14/06/02 at 19:01
Regular
Posts: 787
Guess that's it then.

Guess it's over.

But when did it even start...? When did it ever?

Because... you know. It was hard. It was hard work. All of it. Every last detail.

Every last detail.

But just watch me.

Go on.

Watch me as I stand taller than you can.

Because, my darling... there's one thing I know.

I was stronger without you.

And I will BE stronger without you. All the times... all the little cute little kisses? They meant nothing. Come on, none of them meant anything.

Because you didn't love me... hell, you just loved to be loved. You loved to be able to sink away and be held when you wanted to be held... that's all, nothing else. Sure, give my ego a little lift when I was feeling down, but only so you could get what you wanted. Every damn time.

Because you never loved me.

Jese... and all that time. How blind was I? Blinded like you still are, because you're going to go off, see if you can find that new hug for you, not accept it was you that couldn't understand, not me that wouldn't be understood, because I gave you my soul, and hell, it wasn't to your liking.

You were like this when you were young, and you'll be like this forever. You're not going to grow up, you're not going to grow out, grow inwards and discover how petty you really are... what? You wanted more conflict? You wanted me to open? This is me being open. This is my truth, I can't STAND you. You drive me insane. You've worn out your welcome now...

What happened to those times we used to talk? Why won't you talk? What are you afraid of? Why are you taking this for granted? Nobody should have to WORK for a relationship... nobody should have to TRY to be loved! Sure, help each other when you're down, but for... I was insane! I held back so much... when all I wanted was for us just to talk, for Christ's sake! Talk!

But I don't know.

I really don't.

And so I guess I'll just sit here and think.

And think a bit more.

While you're off going back to your normal self.

Not trying to impress me anymore.

No need to kiss me.

No need to hold me.

Because we all take it for granted...

We all take it for granted, don't we?

Hell. I don't need anything, do I? I don't need anything at all. I don't need love. Not anymore. We've settled. It's ok.

Because I did love you once. When you talked. When we made love. When we sung and laughed and helped each other.

But you don't need me anymore. You've filled your gap, you've taken the last bite, but you haven't learnt your lesson.

Go on. Go cry back to your old love. Go find him and tell him you miss him so he can hug you.

Because I don't want to anymore.

And you know what?

This hurts.

This hurts so much to write.

Because it's not true.

:0)
Fri 14/06/02 at 22:16
Regular
Posts: 23,216
:0D
Fri 14/06/02 at 22:15
Regular
Posts: 23,216
Never mind. There there. Now read it again.
Fri 14/06/02 at 21:33
Posts: 0
very good and oh so true it has happen to me like that long while ago ;0)
Fri 14/06/02 at 19:01
Regular
Posts: 23,216
Guess that's it then.

Guess it's over.

But when did it even start...? When did it ever?

Because... you know. It was hard. It was hard work. All of it. Every last detail.

Every last detail.

But just watch me.

Go on.

Watch me as I stand taller than you can.

Because, my darling... there's one thing I know.

I was stronger without you.

And I will BE stronger without you. All the times... all the little cute little kisses? They meant nothing. Come on, none of them meant anything.

Because you didn't love me... hell, you just loved to be loved. You loved to be able to sink away and be held when you wanted to be held... that's all, nothing else. Sure, give my ego a little lift when I was feeling down, but only so you could get what you wanted. Every damn time.

Because you never loved me.

Jese... and all that time. How blind was I? Blinded like you still are, because you're going to go off, see if you can find that new hug for you, not accept it was you that couldn't understand, not me that wouldn't be understood, because I gave you my soul, and hell, it wasn't to your liking.

You were like this when you were young, and you'll be like this forever. You're not going to grow up, you're not going to grow out, grow inwards and discover how petty you really are... what? You wanted more conflict? You wanted me to open? This is me being open. This is my truth, I can't STAND you. You drive me insane. You've worn out your welcome now...

What happened to those times we used to talk? Why won't you talk? What are you afraid of? Why are you taking this for granted? Nobody should have to WORK for a relationship... nobody should have to TRY to be loved! Sure, help each other when you're down, but for... I was insane! I held back so much... when all I wanted was for us just to talk, for Christ's sake! Talk!

But I don't know.

I really don't.

And so I guess I'll just sit here and think.

And think a bit more.

While you're off going back to your normal self.

Not trying to impress me anymore.

No need to kiss me.

No need to hold me.

Because we all take it for granted...

We all take it for granted, don't we?

Hell. I don't need anything, do I? I don't need anything at all. I don't need love. Not anymore. We've settled. It's ok.

Because I did love you once. When you talked. When we made love. When we sung and laughed and helped each other.

But you don't need me anymore. You've filled your gap, you've taken the last bite, but you haven't learnt your lesson.

Go on. Go cry back to your old love. Go find him and tell him you miss him so he can hug you.

Because I don't want to anymore.

And you know what?

This hurts.

This hurts so much to write.

Because it's not true.

:0)

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