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Sun 26/05/02 at 17:02
Regular
Posts: 787
It was strange this morning... the pain at last stopped... the confusion just vanished, it felt like it popped... it felt funny at first, and my heart once did twist, it felt like it burst, it dripped and it hissed, the emotion just fled, and left me for dead... it had done it before, sure, the feeling is there, the deep love and knowing, but without the confusion, it just feels so glowing... a small twinkle of happiness that's just burst it's way through, because at last I can admit to myself, it really is true. There's no turning back now, there's no hiding away, the feeling does hurt, but it's just going to stay.

I'm hiding? Not really, I hear it all now... I hear it so loud, the bright light that shone where there once was a cloud... and I ask myself, was I really confused? Was it just a small ponder, a question, a muse? That for once I could be never alone, the thought that haunted me while I sat on my own?... Was I clutching and snatching at what I thought was so high... but ended up so hollow and shallow, just a blind lie? My head has now cleared, I can answer that truly, it's not what I feared... but do we all want to know?... from past experience, I expect that's a no.

My mind is a road, empty but open... for all the traffic has been, the cars and the buses all beeping their horns, they couldn't get through, there was such a big queue... but now that's all gone now, and the road still lies open, but everything's travelled, they've all got home, every last one of them... but would you believe me now? I don't think you would... it's not that you're blind to even see even if they could, but I can't even say, not to them at least, that I just want to be happy, I want to make peace... because I do, so much, I want it to be just like before, before we managed to open *that* door, but at the moment I feel I've been shoved aside, don't feel bad, please... it's not that I've cried... it'll only be for a short while, just trust me on that, I've done all my thinking, I'm happy to admit, just don't judge me too harshly, don't ever say quit...

You have to believe me, I'm happy to stay, I'll sit and I'll watch and I'll keep far away... but the pain that will fill me, for no fault of my own, won't confuse me, or hit me, but just build the wall... the gaps through once which we talked on the phone, and it's going up soon, and it's going up high... but please, remind me, when you want it knocked down... I'll leave a back entrance, a small passage for you, but for the rest of the world, the painted face on the side of the wall, is all that'll do. It's been there before, it WAS built up stronger... but when it came down, and the real me shone through, it didn't teach me that I didn't need the wall... just one that was lighter, that wouldn't hurt to fall... they'll be gaps between the bricks, the worksmanship ain't great, so don't feel that I'm running, I'm just trying to wait.

If this hurts you, yes you, then I'm sorry I seem cold... but you don't know me as well as the one you can hold... if it's this easy for you to love, then what about me? Do you feel as if you're the only one? There can't be no others, for she is MY sun? Then in that case your roads are packed full of the things... emotions on their way, sealed tight in tin, and when they do reach you, don't hide them away, because I want to talk to you, to hear what you say.

I was wrong before, about what I feared, but this isn't so radical, this isn't so weird... I'll never forget you, you probably know... just don't judge me too harshly, on what I don't show.
Sun 26/05/02 at 17:12
Regular
"Hmmm....."
Posts: 12,243
Really didnt understand that......

*looks confused*
Sun 26/05/02 at 17:02
Regular
Posts: 23,216
It was strange this morning... the pain at last stopped... the confusion just vanished, it felt like it popped... it felt funny at first, and my heart once did twist, it felt like it burst, it dripped and it hissed, the emotion just fled, and left me for dead... it had done it before, sure, the feeling is there, the deep love and knowing, but without the confusion, it just feels so glowing... a small twinkle of happiness that's just burst it's way through, because at last I can admit to myself, it really is true. There's no turning back now, there's no hiding away, the feeling does hurt, but it's just going to stay.

I'm hiding? Not really, I hear it all now... I hear it so loud, the bright light that shone where there once was a cloud... and I ask myself, was I really confused? Was it just a small ponder, a question, a muse? That for once I could be never alone, the thought that haunted me while I sat on my own?... Was I clutching and snatching at what I thought was so high... but ended up so hollow and shallow, just a blind lie? My head has now cleared, I can answer that truly, it's not what I feared... but do we all want to know?... from past experience, I expect that's a no.

My mind is a road, empty but open... for all the traffic has been, the cars and the buses all beeping their horns, they couldn't get through, there was such a big queue... but now that's all gone now, and the road still lies open, but everything's travelled, they've all got home, every last one of them... but would you believe me now? I don't think you would... it's not that you're blind to even see even if they could, but I can't even say, not to them at least, that I just want to be happy, I want to make peace... because I do, so much, I want it to be just like before, before we managed to open *that* door, but at the moment I feel I've been shoved aside, don't feel bad, please... it's not that I've cried... it'll only be for a short while, just trust me on that, I've done all my thinking, I'm happy to admit, just don't judge me too harshly, don't ever say quit...

You have to believe me, I'm happy to stay, I'll sit and I'll watch and I'll keep far away... but the pain that will fill me, for no fault of my own, won't confuse me, or hit me, but just build the wall... the gaps through once which we talked on the phone, and it's going up soon, and it's going up high... but please, remind me, when you want it knocked down... I'll leave a back entrance, a small passage for you, but for the rest of the world, the painted face on the side of the wall, is all that'll do. It's been there before, it WAS built up stronger... but when it came down, and the real me shone through, it didn't teach me that I didn't need the wall... just one that was lighter, that wouldn't hurt to fall... they'll be gaps between the bricks, the worksmanship ain't great, so don't feel that I'm running, I'm just trying to wait.

If this hurts you, yes you, then I'm sorry I seem cold... but you don't know me as well as the one you can hold... if it's this easy for you to love, then what about me? Do you feel as if you're the only one? There can't be no others, for she is MY sun? Then in that case your roads are packed full of the things... emotions on their way, sealed tight in tin, and when they do reach you, don't hide them away, because I want to talk to you, to hear what you say.

I was wrong before, about what I feared, but this isn't so radical, this isn't so weird... I'll never forget you, you probably know... just don't judge me too harshly, on what I don't show.

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