The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
EDWARD NORTON’S ANTIVIRUS 2002:
Hi, I’m Hollywood superstar and strange-faced actor Edward Norton. You may recognise me from such films including Keeping the Faith, Fight Club and American History X. In fact, that last one got me an Oscar nod, but you don’t want to hear about that – you’re here because you’re concerned about one thing, and that’s Internet security.
With the latest in my Antivirus series, you can guarantee that your home computer will be made as safe as possible – hey, mine is a face you can trust. After all, protecting your PC and starring in big-name Hollywood movies aren’t as far removed as you would think. When starring in moderately-successful heist flick The Score , someone actually ate one of Marlon Brando’s sandwiches on-set – the ensuing mess was not unlike the effect a particularly nasty virus can have on your hard drive. With my patented software, you can rest easy that your encrypted files stay that way – safe. Just because I starred as a psychotic killer in Richard Gere-vehicle Primal Fear, doesn’t mean I’ll go mad and try and corrupt all your files from inside your computer. That won’t happen.
During the filming of the hilarious religion-based comedy Keeping the Faith (with Ben Stiller and Jenna Elfman, TV’s Dharma), Stiller brought a laptop to work every day to write notes. I tried to convince him that he should protect his personal files with some kind of software, but he insisted that his work was safe, and that I should get out of his trailer. Well, by some unfortunate accident, all of his work was deleted and his laptop was trashed - I guess I proved him wrong. The police still technically haven’t named me as a suspect, so I’m pretty much in the clear, but it just goes to show – don’t upstage me in a movie. My Christianity jokes weed all over his tired Rabbi gags. And have you seen the Cable Guy? Man, that bites!
But enough about my box-office triumphs (Rounders, also starring Matt Damon, made almost $10m in its first week alone, and that’s only on 500 screens nationwide), let’s get back to the Internet security thing again. Now, you may think keeping personal files safe from intrusion or a potentially damaging virus is a serious affair, but you’d be very wrong. I like to have fun with whatever I do (just ask my People Vs Larry Flynt co-star Woody Harrelson), so each aspect of Edward Norton’s Antivirus software 2002 is colourful, and features my face. That’s right, all the menus and interfaces are lovingly adorned with my striking features – my slightly beady eyes, my dry little mouth and my carefully dishevelled hair – when you need to decide which files to put behind your firewall, my face will guide you through. When you have to choose a password for specially encrypted files, my tiny eyes will inspire you. My mouth even moves and says ‘Okay’ when you push the ‘Okay’ button! That was my idea! See, suddenly Internet Security doesn’t seem like such a drag anymore, does it?
I don’t think I need to convince you any further, after all, let’s let my success rate speak for me. Looking back down my resume, I can count at least 7 movies that made the top 13 at the US Box Office – can Ben Stiller say that? Surely that’s enough to convince you to purchase this fine piece of software? Seriously, if you want to keep your files safe from harm, you can’t do better than buy a product with the guy from Fight Club on it. Really, I’m friends with Brad Pitt! I even sent him a free copy! Brad Pitt uses this software! You can too!
ADD TO BASKET: ONLY $39.99
Also in this series:
EDWARD NORTON’S TOUCH TYPING
EDWARD NORTON’S GARDEN DESIGNER
EDWARD NORTON’S SEWING SKILLS
Hi, I’m Hollywood superstar and strange-faced actor Edward Norton. You may recognise me from such films including Keeping the Faith, Fight Club and American History X. In fact, that last one got me an Oscar nod, but you don’t want to hear about that – you’re here because you’re concerned about one thing, and that’s Internet security.
With the latest in my Antivirus series, you can guarantee that your home computer will be made as safe as possible – hey, mine is a face you can trust. After all, protecting your PC and starring in big-name Hollywood movies aren’t as far removed as you would think. When starring in moderately-successful heist flick The Score , someone actually ate one of Marlon Brando’s sandwiches on-set – the ensuing mess was not unlike the effect a particularly nasty virus can have on your hard drive. With my patented software, you can rest easy that your encrypted files stay that way – safe. Just because I starred as a psychotic killer in Richard Gere-vehicle Primal Fear, doesn’t mean I’ll go mad and try and corrupt all your files from inside your computer. That won’t happen.
During the filming of the hilarious religion-based comedy Keeping the Faith (with Ben Stiller and Jenna Elfman, TV’s Dharma), Stiller brought a laptop to work every day to write notes. I tried to convince him that he should protect his personal files with some kind of software, but he insisted that his work was safe, and that I should get out of his trailer. Well, by some unfortunate accident, all of his work was deleted and his laptop was trashed - I guess I proved him wrong. The police still technically haven’t named me as a suspect, so I’m pretty much in the clear, but it just goes to show – don’t upstage me in a movie. My Christianity jokes weed all over his tired Rabbi gags. And have you seen the Cable Guy? Man, that bites!
But enough about my box-office triumphs (Rounders, also starring Matt Damon, made almost $10m in its first week alone, and that’s only on 500 screens nationwide), let’s get back to the Internet security thing again. Now, you may think keeping personal files safe from intrusion or a potentially damaging virus is a serious affair, but you’d be very wrong. I like to have fun with whatever I do (just ask my People Vs Larry Flynt co-star Woody Harrelson), so each aspect of Edward Norton’s Antivirus software 2002 is colourful, and features my face. That’s right, all the menus and interfaces are lovingly adorned with my striking features – my slightly beady eyes, my dry little mouth and my carefully dishevelled hair – when you need to decide which files to put behind your firewall, my face will guide you through. When you have to choose a password for specially encrypted files, my tiny eyes will inspire you. My mouth even moves and says ‘Okay’ when you push the ‘Okay’ button! That was my idea! See, suddenly Internet Security doesn’t seem like such a drag anymore, does it?
I don’t think I need to convince you any further, after all, let’s let my success rate speak for me. Looking back down my resume, I can count at least 7 movies that made the top 13 at the US Box Office – can Ben Stiller say that? Surely that’s enough to convince you to purchase this fine piece of software? Seriously, if you want to keep your files safe from harm, you can’t do better than buy a product with the guy from Fight Club on it. Really, I’m friends with Brad Pitt! I even sent him a free copy! Brad Pitt uses this software! You can too!
ADD TO BASKET: ONLY $39.99
Also in this series:
EDWARD NORTON’S TOUCH TYPING
EDWARD NORTON’S GARDEN DESIGNER
EDWARD NORTON’S SEWING SKILLS
Page:
Mr.Snuggly wrote:
> I might do a Graham Norton's System Works.
I thought of witing that a few weeks ago but I couldnt be bothered, but I was gonna write it this week but Im not gonna now, its gonna look like i ripped off your idea/
> I might do a Graham Norton's System Works.
I thought of witing that a few weeks ago but I couldnt be bothered, but I was gonna write it this week but Im not gonna now, its gonna look like i ripped off your idea/
Yes it does.
This post rules.
Glad I found it.
Glad I found it.
Goatboy wrote:
> European is gay?
--------
Yes, didn't you know? We've been queer for years
> European is gay?
--------
Yes, didn't you know? We've been queer for years
Oh, shall I?
Nah.
Oh, and cheers for the GAD, snuggers.
Nah.
Oh, and cheers for the GAD, snuggers.
European is gay?
No, he's just very "European"
Graham Norton is gay?
Good idea, a piece of software I can actually call "gay" when it doesn't work and be correct in what I'm saying.
I might do a Graham Norton's System Works.
Page: