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"MoJo's Guide To Fighting"

It's been a while since I did a "MoJo's Guide" so I thought I'd share my pearls of wisdom on street fighting. Doubt most of you have ever been in a fight, or will ever be in a fight, but what the hey? Can't hurt. Maybe you're being bullied at school, maybe you live in a rough area, maybe you just like starting fights (you shouldn't do that) If so, I'll try and give you some advice on how to actually survive a fight. I'm not saying you'll be Superman, but you may just pick something up that will help you if you ever get started on

OK, let's say some guy is dissin' your fly girl... No, wait, that's not likely (can't resist Simpsons quotes) OK, since you all use computers I assume you're either small, skinny or fat - perfect targets for kids who hang around street corners smoking and drinking. So, I'll help you to defend yourself. First off, you should really read my guide to working out. Hey, I'll even dig it out for you
http://ukchatforums.reserve.co.uk/display_ (space) messages.php?threadid=35245&forumid=293

Go on, go off and read it. Finished? No? OK, I'll give you a few more minutes. Hey, stop complaining, it's not THAT long! Done? Good, isn't it? OK, in the time it's taken you to read that you should be a 200lbs monster, rippling with biceps. OK, that's not very realistic, but if you do some weights, push ups (very easy and can be done anywhere) etc you can put on a lot of muscle. I'm quite thin but I've been working out for a good two years now, and it shows. So, Mystique, if you're reading this, give me a call ;-)

OK, enough of the boasting. Down to fighting. Yes, it's not the moral thing to do, and according to the bible you're meant to just take the beating and forgive them. Sorry, but I say if they hit you, hit 'em back. But, be warned, don't just ASSUME you can fight well. Don't assume anything. Assumption is the mother of all, um, "mess" ups. If you think you're hard, you may throw a punch expecting the bully (or whatever) to go flying, but when it comes down to it your fist could just bounce off him/her and you'll look like a fool. And even Mr T won't pity you then. So, train up, learn how to throw a punch, hit a punching bag, just do something so you know your ability. Some of you may do Karate, that's great, as long as you can actually use it.

So, hopefully by now you've had a go at a punching bag (someone's older brother is bound to have one, if not, buy a cheap one or find a gym that has one) and you know if you're any good. If you hit the bag and it doesn't move, then go off and do more weights. If you hit it and it goes flying, chances are the bag's too light, so get a heavier one.

I'll give you some hints on how to actually fight, so pay attention, the rest of the guide isn't much good without this info.
I'll assume you're right handed, so jab with your left (a quick, short punch) a certain amount of times, then crack him with your right (more powerful punch, draw back your arm with this one then let it fly) When you go for your right, push off with your heels, and swing your upper torso with it to get that extra power, just be careful not to lose your balance, or you'll fall over and be open for the other guy to stamp on your face. That would be bad.

You may look a little daft doing this in a fight, but try and keep both fists by your chin, and keep your head down as far as you can so you have to look up to see forward. Keep bouncing on your heels ever so slightly, it keeps you mobile and ready to duck/dive etc. You can actually block some punches with your forearms now, just move in them in front of your face when he goes for you.

If you wanna throw a series of lefts and rights, then as you're bringing your left back after a punch, throw your right out. Don't wait till your left is back by your chin. Then as your right is coming back, send your left out again. You should know the boxer stance from my workout guide, but basically you put your right foot at an angle and your left straight forward, so it looks like a clock saying ten past twelve (your right foot being 10 minutes past and your left being 12 hours)

The first three or four punches you throw should be to the kid's head, to disorient him. After all, getting hit in the face does kind of scramble your brains a little. If necessary, the next series of punches should be to his body, this will wind them and basically hurt them a lot. He may try and put his hands down to try and block these punches - that's when you turn his face into hamburger, making your last few punches to the head. Hit him in the eyebrow or nose, if you're lucky it will cut him/pop his nose, and most people freak out at the sight of blood, especially their own. If you lock up with him, ie he tries to wrestle you to the ground, hit him in the sides (ribs). If he misses a punch (because you dodged it) and he put a lot of force into it, he could pull his arm, making his punches weaker from now on, or lose his balance and go flying. If you're quick and he's slow, keep the pace up and let him do the work by keeping out of his way, making him waste energy. If you somehow spot a weakness, ie he's holding his leg/arm/side, whatever, work on that from now on and soon he'll be on the floor and you'll be "the man"

You can get away with using just two punches to be honest, as that's two more than your average kid knows. They just swing wildly, you should keep calm and throw well timed, well aimed punches. The left jab, and the right "crack" are all you really need (swap left with right if you're left handed... weirdo) But knowing some more can't hurt, and the uppercut is useful.
To throw a right uppercut, bend your right knee slightly so you go down a little. Lower the right shoulder to drop the right side of the body in a semi-crouch position. DO NOT crouch too far, you have a good chance of losing your balance if he throws a punch. Remember to keep your left fist up by the chin to protect your head. Now as you rotate the hips forward, push the ball of the back of your right foot, and punch the right fist up towards the guy you're fighting. You've all played Street Fighter, I'm sure you know what I mean. You don't HAVE to aim for the head/face with an uppercut, going for the stomach is good as it can wind them and set them up for a good few punches.

Few hints - don't throw an uppercut when the guys at arms length away, don't jab to the face when he's right in front of you and try and refrain from using kicks. Yes, I know it's tempting, especially after playing Tekken or watching a Bruce Lee film, but chances are you'll miss and fall over and look like an idiot. Like I said before, don't just ASSUME you know how to kick, either try some on a punching bag, or DON'T do them - at all! Elbows and knees are GREAT, and I do mean great. The elbow is one of the hardest parts of the body, and you can do a lot more damage with an elbow at close range than you can with a punch. If he's bent over after being winded, elbow him between the shoulder blades or in the back of the head, and if you get the chance, bring his head down and your knee up so your kneecap crashes into his face, that'll really hurt. Just don't go overboard, it's very easy to hurt someone really badly using stuff like that, so be careful.

OK, back to fighting. Say you're walking home, late at night, and you have to walk directly past a rather large group of boys who are smoking, drinking, swearing - the usual - and are hanging around outside a shop. If you can't cross the road or go around, you have to walk through them (chances are they'll be taking up both sides of the path, radgies do that) Now, you can either keep your head down, try and look as small and pathetic as possible, and avoid eye contact, or walk past, head up, shoulders back. With the latter, they may think "This is an easy target, let's start on him to show how hard we are", or they'll ignore you. With the former, they'll either say "Who's this kid think he is? Let's chin him" or they'll ignore you. Either way you take a risk, so do whatever you feel is right. Chances are, one will stop you and ask for a tab (cigarette) You probably don't smoke, so say "No, sorry, don't have one on me" and walk off. Saying you don't smoke and giving them a hackey look will only infuriate them, so don't. Just stay cool, and say you don't have one at the moment. They'll either say "OK, mate" and let you on your way, or if they feel they have something to prove, will keep hassling you, usually walking along side you while his mates look on. If this happens, just keep walking, keeping up a fast pace. Try and reason with him, although it's more than likely he's already decided he's going to hit you. It'll be in the side of the head, possibly on the temple, and it can easily stun you or even knock you to the ground if he's a lot bigger than you. Try and keep on your feet, and if it's the first time you've been punched, it may feel weird. Now, if he goes for a second punch, you need to fight back, if he doesn't, he'll probably run back to his mates laughing about how soft you are. If he does go for a second punch, for heaven's sake get out of the way! They'll be wearing big sovereign rings which can, and will, leave big imprints in your face (I had two imbedded in my face for over a week, as well as a nice black eye) and these rings make the punches all the more painful, so avoid taking any more than necessary. Crack him slap bang in the middle of the face - if you work out, chances are it'll hurt him. Your average radgie is only hard when he has his mates backing him up, and it's very likely he's not actually hard himself and doesn't even work out, so you may have an advantage over him (though he has more experience) Now, you COULD hang around, punching him some more, but his entire posse will be on you in a second, so as soon as you've hit him, leg it. If they catch you, you're dead (not literally, but it's a possibility) so make sure you run FAST! Get home, or to the nearest house you know you can hide in (ie a friend's) This scenario is more likely to happen to you when you're between 15-19

That's just one situation, another is the old "fight after school on the field" and it's many variations, which is more likely to happen to the younger of the SR forum users, usually those aged between 12-14. The kid you're set to fight could just be another kid like you, and the fight could be over something as trivial as him nicking your pen. If that's the case, just wrestle around a bit, smack him in the face and wait for someone to break it up. If you kick him when he's down or anything like that, you could get suspended, so be careful just to hurt him, not break his face.

However, if it's the local school bully who's demanding a fight with you, you'll have to work hard just to stay alive. Something you should ALWAYS do when you know violence is inevitable, is to evaluate the situation. Think about the kid you're gonna fight, think about the crowd. Will they be cheering you, the underdog? Or the bully whom they support out of fear? Is the bully really big and strong, but slow? Don't forget, everyone has a weakness (except me, heh) so if he's big and slow, you're small and agile (I've been watching Enemy Of The State too much) So use a quick burst of punches - he can probably take a few hits to his stomach, so aim for his head. You can get away with doing more if you're fighting a known trouble maker and he starts the fight, so take advantage of that. Knee him in the face, elbow him in the back of the head, heck, even bite him if need be, or if you REALLY wanna play dirty, go for the family jewels. It may not be pretty, but it gets the job done. Basically, do anything to keep him off you. If he starts biting you, start elbowing him in the head. Oh, but don't head butt him, that would be stupid. He's a big lad, you're not, so nutting him is more likely to knock you out than it is to hurt him.

There are other circumstances when you may need to fight - ie in a pub (never drink too much, if you're sober in a fight against a drunk you'll, um, "wee" on him and look like "the man") or if your school has a big rivalry with another school and you've been drafted into fighting.

After reading this you should have a better idea of how to fight, but don't run off thinking you're hard. Knowing how to throw a punch doesn't mean anything if you have no strength behind it, so get going with those weights! For your own sake, don't go off starting on bouncers, or huge gangs of lads. There's no such thing as a fair fight, someone always has the advantage, just make sure it's YOU, by working out and hitting the bags.

Now, Daniel-San, be careful with this knowledge I have bestowed upon you. Save your life it could, but it could be used for the dark side (always wanted to say that)

OK, it's after 3am now, think I'm gonna stop writing. One last word of advice, try and get your mates to be hard too. There's nothing worse than being the only one of you in the entire group to actually fight, and be beaten up because your mates have just stood and watched while five lads have set upon you

Any questions? Just ask, I'll be glad to answer any you may have

Biting, yes. Hitting 'em in the privates, yes. But digging your thumb into their eye? That's just sick

As long as you're not squeamish then you can win any fight by sticking your thumb in someone's eye. This works amazingly well, even against someone three times your size and trained in seven martial arts. OK, so it's low down and dirty, but it is a FIGHT after all.

The guide is meant to help prevent exactly that kind of thing. If you know how to fight, then you WON'T end up just wrestling around on the floor with the kid. You'll hit them. They'll go down. The lasses will fancy you. The lads will respect you.

Yeah your tips are all very well but in the heat of the fight its really easy to forget your plan, it usually ends up a scrappy little brawl, where sombody gets kicked in the head and taken to casualty.

I didn't read any of that and I still feel safe in my chair.

I'm positive you're Ted Nugent.

Didn't you do a post a while ago pleading for males to be able to attack each other randomly in the street with no recourse?

Flames of Phoenix wrote:
> Question: Where did you learn all this?

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Well, I've done boxing, and I've been in a few scraps myself

Beer makes you the strongest person in the world AND the number 1 karate star in the land.

Atleast that's how I remember it.

Goatboy's guide to fighting:

Don't. It hurts and it's fast and scrappy.
If you have to, pick up something (bench or a dog) and hit the other person until they lose interest in fighting.
Leave.

Question: Where did you learn all this? (I've read it all, some very good info there)