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I'll only watch it on the condition that I get to choose the contestants...
1) Seamus Heany:
An alcoholic amateur wrestler from Belfast.
2) Vanessa Feltz:
It appears she was at a loose end.
3) Clancy:
An androgenous Rastafarian herbalist and primary school teacher from norf London
4) Dirk Dirkerevich
On the run from the Russian mafia, hiding in the Big Brother household.
5) Clara Dostoyvich
Russian mafia assassin.
6) Gareth Williams
Full-time Timmy Mallet impersonator and adopted father of 6.
7) Bobby Smee
Big fat lazy dole-scrounge who plans to sit for 8 weeks, only lifting his r-se to let-off once in a while.
8) Janet Janet
Paranoid-schizophrenic hypochondriac who suffers from both claustrophobia and agrophobia.
9) & 10) Bill & Brenda Parker
Siamese twins from Newcastle with a propensity for sleep walking.
I'll only watch it on the condition that I get to choose the contestants...
1) Seamus Heany:
An alcoholic amateur wrestler from Belfast.
2) Vanessa Feltz:
It appears she was at a loose end.
3) Clancy:
An androgenous Rastafarian herbalist and primary school teacher from norf London
4) Dirk Dirkerevich
On the run from the Russian mafia, hiding in the Big Brother household.
5) Clara Dostoyvich
Russian mafia assassin.
6) Gareth Williams
Full-time Timmy Mallet impersonator and adopted father of 6.
7) Bobby Smee
Big fat lazy dole-scrounge who plans to sit for 8 weeks, only lifting his r-se to let-off once in a while.
8) Janet Janet
Paranoid-schizophrenic hypochondriac who suffers from both claustrophobia and agrophobia.
9) & 10) Bill & Brenda Parker
Siamese twins from Newcastle with a propensity for sleep walking.
> Seamus Heany: An alcoholic amateur wrestler from Belfast.
Been doing GCSE english recently? Or just a big poetry fan?
> illzen wrote:
> Seamus Heany: An alcoholic amateur wrestler from Belfast.
>
> Been doing GCSE english recently? Or just a big poetry fan?
Did my GCSE english kwite a wile bak! And I'm also pretty ignorant about poetry... but I take it Seamus Heany is actually a well known poet. Oops. That was a total coincidence. Or it might have just been me reaching for the most random names stored in the darkest corners of my memory... who knows... or even dares to dream...
Oh yes, and a few more criteria for BB3
1) The Chicken hut will be replaced with a giant vertical worm farm.
2) There will only be one big bed for everyone, and it will smell suspiciously of off-milk..
3) Davina Macall will present the show in the buff.
4) There will be a one-way glass corridor through the house, allowing the public to wander through unnoticed, like an open-plan zoo, giving people like Craig the 'V's whenever necessary.
5) There will be an extremely loud fire bell in the house that anyone can trigger, at any time, through the BB website.
6) The producer will secretly contaminate the contestants' water supply with a strong hallucinogenic drug at least twice a week.
Mwuha ha ha
Not any people, just a bed.
Then a chair.
Then a plate.
And I'd make them fight the chickens.
Occasionally I'd wake them at 3am by shining industrial strength torches in their faces and screaming in Japanese.
And I'd make one dress like a clown and menace the weakest of the maniacs, with light slapping as he slept.
And make each room smaller and smaller day by day until you have 8 psychos with no furniture battling hens in one small room, with one dressed like a clown.
I'd watch that.
I'd pay to see that