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Grix and I have nominated a story for each other to write. The one that Grix has chosen for me is Paddleboat of Fools. Hope you enjoy it, it's rather long!!
Page:
Excellent, really enjoyable.
Paddleboat of Fools.
Prince Whosyface was having a brisk morning stroll around the grounds of his palace when he noticed someone running towards him.
“Ah, my faithful chief gardener.” He exclaimed as he saw the badly dressed gardener appear from the other side of the large green field. “What brings you here on this fine day?”
“My liege.” Said the Gardener, a little out of breath and very red in the face. “There is another of ‘em, the village idiots I mean. They’re croppin’ up all over now.”
The prince sighed. Recently the town of Gonarye had seen several sane members of its fine community inexplicably turned into strange babbling idiots. The Prince’s father, King Whensybach had ordered an investigation into the bizarre cases, but the guards he had sent out had come back just as mad and wild-eyed as the loons they were sent out to find out about. The town was now on a state of emergency.
“Right.” Said the Prince, fed up with getting other people to do the work and not getting any answers, “I’m going to sort this one out once and for all.” And he marched off in the direction of the town.
--------
Miller Sowsysoats was already doing just that at the very same time that the prince had heard the news.
“I can’t understand a word he’s saying.” Said the miller to baker Bunindoven as he held one of the madmen down.
The madman was wriggling and trying to escape, whilst pointing at the lake opposite them and starring wildly.
“He just keeps repeating one phrase. ‘paddleboat’.”
----
The Prince arrived in town, with the out of breath gardener trailing behind, still puffing and blowing, to find the miller scratching his head.
“I just don’t understand it, sir. They go out to sea and come back a gibbering wreck. I don’t know what’s out there, but I don’t like the sound of it!” Explained the Miller.
“Then we must go and see for ourselves. Men of intelligence should not be so easily dissuaded from their sanity.”
The Miller looked back at the prince in shock. Going out to whatever it was that had turned these men mad was the last thing on his mind.
Nevertheless, they hired a boat and were quick in finding a small crew who would go anywhere for 5 shillings. It had to be small as the only boat they could find was a small paddleboat which gave them enough room for four, plus supplies. They set sail (if you can call it that) the same day and headed for the last known destination of the madmen.
- - -
Meanwhile, storm clouds collected in the skies above, the air grew dense and close and the distant sound of thunder could be heard. Pretty soon the rain was pouring down and the boat rose and sank on the choppy waves.
“Damn, I forgot I get seasick on boats.” Said the Prince as he leaned over the side of the boat in the most dignified way he could manage.
After he had recovered, he and the miller stood on the small bow and looked at the scene ahead. Lightning broke the dark sky ahead and a sense of foreboding filled the air.
It had only been half an hour, but the prince had thankfully fallen asleep after his bout of illness. The miller saw something in the water and shouted over to the prince.
“Hey, look over there!”
The prince looked in shock as he saw the sight that lay before them. A massive hand was rising from the water and attached was the body of Dripsidon, the God of the sea.
“Let me handle this!” said the prince, as he pushed aside the miller and waved at the massive figure ahead.
“I say!” he said. “Hello there! I’m Prince Whosyface, we’re on an important mission, could you let us pass?” he saw the look on Dripsidon’s face, “er, please?”.
Dripsidon raised himself from the water, massive waves stirring from his body as he moved. “WHO ARE YOU THAT DISTURBS THE SLEEP OF DRIPSIDON?”
The prince looked slightly sheepish. “Er. Prince Whosyface, your wetness.”
“Bah.” The Water God shook his fist and a large wave rolled towards them. They felt the ship ride the wave backwards at high speed as Dripsidon laughed at their struggle. Peddling as hard as they could, they stopped the boat from drifting backwards and, worn out, they rested until morning.
--
Morning brought fresh challenges as they realised the three krackerwheat and cheese perhaps weren’t enough for the journey. They resorted to fishing for their breakfast, which amounted to two very small fish and a boot.
Putting up the small sail on the back of the boat, they paddled on. The prince shushed them for a moment as he heard something in the distance.
“Hey,” he said in a whisper. “Isn’t that the sound of the harpies who pray on sailors and then eat their bones?”
His fellow sailors gave each other a blank expression.
“hm.” Said the Prince, stroking his chin. “They won’t catch me with their singing or nudity.” And he plunged two big cotton buds in his ears and a black cloth over his eyes.
“Tie me to the mast, sailors, I will not fall foul of the temptresses.”
After about 2 hours he coughed a little. Then a bit harder. He felt someone take off his mask and untie him.
“So….you’re not…eaten then?”
“It seems not, sir.” Said one of the sailors, smirking from ear to ear. “Those nice ladies showed us a lovely time, we had lots of sex.”
“Damn!” said the prince and they rode on in silence, bar the sniggering from two of the sailors and the huffing of the prince.
--
Hungry and thirsty again, the band of sailors spied a nearby island. Peddling up to the sand, they quickly raced out as they saw grazing cows.
“Now we have to be careful…” started the Prince before realising that no-one else was around, and spotting the others running for the hills he shrugged and ran after them.
As he got to the top of the hill, he called out to them “Hey…what do you thi….” And stopped as they all noticed a shadow pass over the earth.
“Damn, it’s a triclops!” said the Prince, aware of the stories of the three eyed monsters who ate people like him for breakfast. This one happened to be female and very large, in all ways.
The Triclops smelt the air. “I smell hoomans!”
The Prince looked around for cover and realised that none existed, just a field of cows.
“Lads. I have an idea…”
The cave was huge and foreboding, but at least they were safe. Having tied themselves to the underside of the cows, they were herded into the cave of the Triclops without her noticing.
The others fell to the floor and dusted themselves down before hearing a muffled cry for help.
The Miller looked at the Prince and stifled a laugh. “I told you not to face backwards.” He said as the prince wiped the rest of the cowpat from his face.
They looked around to see the Triclops roasting a whole cow over a spit. The smell was driving them wild and they felt their mouths water at the thought of roast beef. Creeping close to the back of the cave, they waited until nightfall when the Triclops had fallen asleep.
After finishing up the rest of the cow, they took the three pronged roasting fork and carefully climbed the body of the Triclops. Standing on her chest, they reached out tentatively to the face with the fork.
“Hey,” whispered one of the sailors, looking down at what he was standing on. “She’s got a strange cleavage…”
“Don’t be daft Morris,” said the other. “Don’t you know all Triclops have three of those too.”
“Cor.” Was the only reply.
The prince watched as the sailors took a long draw of the fork and threw it hard into the eyes of the Triclops. It missed and hit her large white teeth.
“I was sure that would work! We’ll have to go without the food before she wakes up.” said the Prince as the Triclops stirred.
The sailors jumped and they all ran for their lives back to the peddleboat. Setting sail as fast as they could, they spotted the Triclops in the distance shaking one of her fists.
“Three of them…” mused one of the sailors as they sailed off into the distance.
---
The Prince looked into his lap as they sailed further into the unknown. “We’ve come all this way, and still never found out how those villagers became mad. All we know is that they were last seen in one of these boats.”
“Don’t worry sir.” Said the Miller, ever the optimist. “We’ll find out.”
They spied land ahead and set ashore on a deserted island. Climbing ashore, they noticed a sign posted into the ground. It said ‘Paddleboat dock, kindly leave all boats here.’
They duly left the boat and went up to the trees in the distance to see if they could find anything to eat or drink Luckily the trees and bushes were filled with fruit and there were buckets of fresh wine just left out for anyone to drink.
“Wow. Finally a good feast.” Said the Miller.
As they ate, one of the sailors heard laughter in the distance. He tapped the others on the shoulder and they crept over to a clearing. There, in plain view, were several naked ladies playing with a ball.
The ladies spotted them and motioned for them to come out. After introducing themselves the men were encouraged to follow them back to the village (not that they needed much encouragement). There, to their delight and amazement, they found a whole village full of barely clothed beauties, all having fun. It was then that they noticed some familiar faces.
“hey, isn’t that Fred the butcher?” said the Prince.
“But he can’t be, Fred came back to the village mad as a hatter.” Replied the Miller as he watched the man in question being fed grapes by a striking young lady.
“There’s something strange going on here.” Said the Prince.
Later that night they joined in the meal and the dancing and the ladies encouraged them each to come to a hut for the night, which they duly accepted. They had never seen food or hospitality like it and the women were so amazing that they hardly had a wink of sleep all night.
After two days though, the Prince (feeling slightly tired) headed back to check on the paddleboat. He was shocked to find it had gone from the place they had left it. He ran back to tell the others.
“Oh, don’t worry about that!” said one of the blond girls. She showed them to a nearby hut they hadn’t noticed before.
The hut door opened and they saw several bodies lying on a table. Looking closer at the features, they realised that the bodies were their own.
“They’re our robots, soon we will send them out to replace you in your country and you will become slaves here for us!”
With a command from one of the girls, one of the figures lying down rose up and started laughing with an inane grin.
“For every person that finds our island, we send back a paddleboat of fools. Your fellow citizens will think you have gone mad, so they won’t think to question you. There is no escape, seize them!”
Too tired from many nights awake, they found themselves led away to an underground cave and locked in cells.
His eyes getting used to the dark now, the Prince made out several other figures sitting nearby. Fred and a few other people from the village were lying down, burn marks and cuts all over their bodies.
“There must be a way out of all this.” He said to the miller. “I think I have an idea…”
--- -
After hitting the guard on the head with the food tray, they all got dressed in the home made wigs and female loin cloths which they had made through their time in the cell.
As they approached the clearing, they noticed two girls coming towards them.
“Hello!” said the girls as they waved at them.
“er..hello!” said the Prince and the others in their best high voices.
To their relief the girls walked past them, leading two new visitors to the island towards the village.
“Now’s our chance.” Said the Prince as they sprinted towards the deserted boats left from the last few visitors. They all piled on to them and set sail for home.
A few days later the island had a whole group of visitors. The girls greeted them in their usual manner and took them to their village. Once there, the strangers were treated to the usual hospitality. Unfortunately they didn’t seem to tire after several nights of passion. The women, feeling worn out themselves by the all-night sessions, found themselves dropping off during the day.
Once they awoke the residents of the island found themselves chained up in the same cave they had kept the visitors prisoner. One of the visitors came down into the cave and looked at them. A spark flicked from it’s neck as it laughed and said “Paddleboat”
Prince Whosyface was having a brisk morning stroll around the grounds of his palace when he noticed someone running towards him.
“Ah, my faithful chief gardener.” He exclaimed as he saw the badly dressed gardener appear from the other side of the large green field. “What brings you here on this fine day?”
“My liege.” Said the Gardener, a little out of breath and very red in the face. “There is another of ‘em, the village idiots I mean. They’re croppin’ up all over now.”
The prince sighed. Recently the town of Gonarye had seen several sane members of its fine community inexplicably turned into strange babbling idiots. The Prince’s father, King Whensybach had ordered an investigation into the bizarre cases, but the guards he had sent out had come back just as mad and wild-eyed as the loons they were sent out to find out about. The town was now on a state of emergency.
“Right.” Said the Prince, fed up with getting other people to do the work and not getting any answers, “I’m going to sort this one out once and for all.” And he marched off in the direction of the town.
--------
Miller Sowsysoats was already doing just that at the very same time that the prince had heard the news.
“I can’t understand a word he’s saying.” Said the miller to baker Bunindoven as he held one of the madmen down.
The madman was wriggling and trying to escape, whilst pointing at the lake opposite them and starring wildly.
“He just keeps repeating one phrase. ‘paddleboat’.”
----
The Prince arrived in town, with the out of breath gardener trailing behind, still puffing and blowing, to find the miller scratching his head.
“I just don’t understand it, sir. They go out to sea and come back a gibbering wreck. I don’t know what’s out there, but I don’t like the sound of it!” Explained the Miller.
“Then we must go and see for ourselves. Men of intelligence should not be so easily dissuaded from their sanity.”
The Miller looked back at the prince in shock. Going out to whatever it was that had turned these men mad was the last thing on his mind.
Nevertheless, they hired a boat and were quick in finding a small crew who would go anywhere for 5 shillings. It had to be small as the only boat they could find was a small paddleboat which gave them enough room for four, plus supplies. They set sail (if you can call it that) the same day and headed for the last known destination of the madmen.
- - -
Meanwhile, storm clouds collected in the skies above, the air grew dense and close and the distant sound of thunder could be heard. Pretty soon the rain was pouring down and the boat rose and sank on the choppy waves.
“Damn, I forgot I get seasick on boats.” Said the Prince as he leaned over the side of the boat in the most dignified way he could manage.
After he had recovered, he and the miller stood on the small bow and looked at the scene ahead. Lightning broke the dark sky ahead and a sense of foreboding filled the air.
It had only been half an hour, but the prince had thankfully fallen asleep after his bout of illness. The miller saw something in the water and shouted over to the prince.
“Hey, look over there!”
The prince looked in shock as he saw the sight that lay before them. A massive hand was rising from the water and attached was the body of Dripsidon, the God of the sea.
“Let me handle this!” said the prince, as he pushed aside the miller and waved at the massive figure ahead.
“I say!” he said. “Hello there! I’m Prince Whosyface, we’re on an important mission, could you let us pass?” he saw the look on Dripsidon’s face, “er, please?”.
Dripsidon raised himself from the water, massive waves stirring from his body as he moved. “WHO ARE YOU THAT DISTURBS THE SLEEP OF DRIPSIDON?”
The prince looked slightly sheepish. “Er. Prince Whosyface, your wetness.”
“Bah.” The Water God shook his fist and a large wave rolled towards them. They felt the ship ride the wave backwards at high speed as Dripsidon laughed at their struggle. Peddling as hard as they could, they stopped the boat from drifting backwards and, worn out, they rested until morning.
--
Morning brought fresh challenges as they realised the three krackerwheat and cheese perhaps weren’t enough for the journey. They resorted to fishing for their breakfast, which amounted to two very small fish and a boot.
Putting up the small sail on the back of the boat, they paddled on. The prince shushed them for a moment as he heard something in the distance.
“Hey,” he said in a whisper. “Isn’t that the sound of the harpies who pray on sailors and then eat their bones?”
His fellow sailors gave each other a blank expression.
“hm.” Said the Prince, stroking his chin. “They won’t catch me with their singing or nudity.” And he plunged two big cotton buds in his ears and a black cloth over his eyes.
“Tie me to the mast, sailors, I will not fall foul of the temptresses.”
After about 2 hours he coughed a little. Then a bit harder. He felt someone take off his mask and untie him.
“So….you’re not…eaten then?”
“It seems not, sir.” Said one of the sailors, smirking from ear to ear. “Those nice ladies showed us a lovely time, we had lots of sex.”
“Damn!” said the prince and they rode on in silence, bar the sniggering from two of the sailors and the huffing of the prince.
--
Hungry and thirsty again, the band of sailors spied a nearby island. Peddling up to the sand, they quickly raced out as they saw grazing cows.
“Now we have to be careful…” started the Prince before realising that no-one else was around, and spotting the others running for the hills he shrugged and ran after them.
As he got to the top of the hill, he called out to them “Hey…what do you thi….” And stopped as they all noticed a shadow pass over the earth.
“Damn, it’s a triclops!” said the Prince, aware of the stories of the three eyed monsters who ate people like him for breakfast. This one happened to be female and very large, in all ways.
The Triclops smelt the air. “I smell hoomans!”
The Prince looked around for cover and realised that none existed, just a field of cows.
“Lads. I have an idea…”
The cave was huge and foreboding, but at least they were safe. Having tied themselves to the underside of the cows, they were herded into the cave of the Triclops without her noticing.
The others fell to the floor and dusted themselves down before hearing a muffled cry for help.
The Miller looked at the Prince and stifled a laugh. “I told you not to face backwards.” He said as the prince wiped the rest of the cowpat from his face.
They looked around to see the Triclops roasting a whole cow over a spit. The smell was driving them wild and they felt their mouths water at the thought of roast beef. Creeping close to the back of the cave, they waited until nightfall when the Triclops had fallen asleep.
After finishing up the rest of the cow, they took the three pronged roasting fork and carefully climbed the body of the Triclops. Standing on her chest, they reached out tentatively to the face with the fork.
“Hey,” whispered one of the sailors, looking down at what he was standing on. “She’s got a strange cleavage…”
“Don’t be daft Morris,” said the other. “Don’t you know all Triclops have three of those too.”
“Cor.” Was the only reply.
The prince watched as the sailors took a long draw of the fork and threw it hard into the eyes of the Triclops. It missed and hit her large white teeth.
“I was sure that would work! We’ll have to go without the food before she wakes up.” said the Prince as the Triclops stirred.
The sailors jumped and they all ran for their lives back to the peddleboat. Setting sail as fast as they could, they spotted the Triclops in the distance shaking one of her fists.
“Three of them…” mused one of the sailors as they sailed off into the distance.
---
The Prince looked into his lap as they sailed further into the unknown. “We’ve come all this way, and still never found out how those villagers became mad. All we know is that they were last seen in one of these boats.”
“Don’t worry sir.” Said the Miller, ever the optimist. “We’ll find out.”
They spied land ahead and set ashore on a deserted island. Climbing ashore, they noticed a sign posted into the ground. It said ‘Paddleboat dock, kindly leave all boats here.’
They duly left the boat and went up to the trees in the distance to see if they could find anything to eat or drink Luckily the trees and bushes were filled with fruit and there were buckets of fresh wine just left out for anyone to drink.
“Wow. Finally a good feast.” Said the Miller.
As they ate, one of the sailors heard laughter in the distance. He tapped the others on the shoulder and they crept over to a clearing. There, in plain view, were several naked ladies playing with a ball.
The ladies spotted them and motioned for them to come out. After introducing themselves the men were encouraged to follow them back to the village (not that they needed much encouragement). There, to their delight and amazement, they found a whole village full of barely clothed beauties, all having fun. It was then that they noticed some familiar faces.
“hey, isn’t that Fred the butcher?” said the Prince.
“But he can’t be, Fred came back to the village mad as a hatter.” Replied the Miller as he watched the man in question being fed grapes by a striking young lady.
“There’s something strange going on here.” Said the Prince.
Later that night they joined in the meal and the dancing and the ladies encouraged them each to come to a hut for the night, which they duly accepted. They had never seen food or hospitality like it and the women were so amazing that they hardly had a wink of sleep all night.
After two days though, the Prince (feeling slightly tired) headed back to check on the paddleboat. He was shocked to find it had gone from the place they had left it. He ran back to tell the others.
“Oh, don’t worry about that!” said one of the blond girls. She showed them to a nearby hut they hadn’t noticed before.
The hut door opened and they saw several bodies lying on a table. Looking closer at the features, they realised that the bodies were their own.
“They’re our robots, soon we will send them out to replace you in your country and you will become slaves here for us!”
With a command from one of the girls, one of the figures lying down rose up and started laughing with an inane grin.
“For every person that finds our island, we send back a paddleboat of fools. Your fellow citizens will think you have gone mad, so they won’t think to question you. There is no escape, seize them!”
Too tired from many nights awake, they found themselves led away to an underground cave and locked in cells.
His eyes getting used to the dark now, the Prince made out several other figures sitting nearby. Fred and a few other people from the village were lying down, burn marks and cuts all over their bodies.
“There must be a way out of all this.” He said to the miller. “I think I have an idea…”
--- -
After hitting the guard on the head with the food tray, they all got dressed in the home made wigs and female loin cloths which they had made through their time in the cell.
As they approached the clearing, they noticed two girls coming towards them.
“Hello!” said the girls as they waved at them.
“er..hello!” said the Prince and the others in their best high voices.
To their relief the girls walked past them, leading two new visitors to the island towards the village.
“Now’s our chance.” Said the Prince as they sprinted towards the deserted boats left from the last few visitors. They all piled on to them and set sail for home.
A few days later the island had a whole group of visitors. The girls greeted them in their usual manner and took them to their village. Once there, the strangers were treated to the usual hospitality. Unfortunately they didn’t seem to tire after several nights of passion. The women, feeling worn out themselves by the all-night sessions, found themselves dropping off during the day.
Once they awoke the residents of the island found themselves chained up in the same cave they had kept the visitors prisoner. One of the visitors came down into the cave and looked at them. A spark flicked from it’s neck as it laughed and said “Paddleboat”
Grix and I have nominated a story for each other to write. The one that Grix has chosen for me is Paddleboat of Fools. Hope you enjoy it, it's rather long!!
Page: