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Special Reserve Strikes Back
It's divided up into scenes, so you can read up to a certain point, remember how far you got, then come back and finish it later. So you can't complain that it's too long! Heh
Scene 1
After destroying the Ban Bar, the rebels have fled their base and are not settling down on the Sega - Dreamcast, which is devoid of human life. However, the evil Special Reserve Empire, led by Darth Snuggly, is searching for the band of freedom fighters, by dispatching hundreds of probe posts across the forums... Does that make sense? Well I'm not going over it again!
*The on vast deserted areas of the Sega - Dreamcast forum, Rakuga is riding on his taun-taun*
Rakuga - What was I thinking leaving the Sony - PS1 & PS2 forum for this heck hole? Stryke, do you read me?
Stryke - Yeah, I hear you loud and clear
Rakuga - I've finished my search, I don't pick up any readings
Stryke - There aren't enough users on this forum to fill a newbies head. Sensors are in place, I'm headed back
*A meteor (or so that idiot Rakuga thinks) hits the snow not far away*
Rakuga - OK, I'll be along shortly, I'm gonna check out a meteor that just hit the ground
Scene 2
*In the rebel base, Mystique is looking at the top 100 posters list as Stryke swaggers in*
er-no - Captain
Stryke - Sensors are in place, so we'll know if anyone spams. Rakuga is checking out a meteor... er-no, I can't stay here any longer. If I don't get out with the information of whether Mystique is fit or not soon, I'm a dead man
er-no - I understand... You're a cocky piece of work, Stryke, I'm glad to see you go
*Stryke walks up to Mystique who pretends not to notice him*
Stryke - So long, princess... Don't get all mushy on me
Mystique - Ta ra
*Stryke hangs around*
Stryke - I'm going now
Mystique - Have a good journey
Stryke - Um... *cough* Well, you'll never see me again
Mystique - Yeah, great isn't it?
*Stryke storms out*
*Rakuga's voice comes on over the intercom*
Rakuga - Hello, Dominos Pizza? Yeah, I'd like a large vegetarian with-
er-no - Rakuga?
Rakuga - Damn, wrong number... OK, well the meteor was actually a Special Reserve probe
Mystique - It's a good bet they know we're here
er-no - Agreed... we'd better start the evacuation
Mystique - Aw man, I just finished unpacking!
Scene 3
*Aboard Darth Snuggly's super Spam Destroyer. He is stood on the bridge, staring out into the blackness of space*
Brad - Sir, we have confirmation from the Sega forum, the rebels are there
Snuggly - Excellent... They'll suffer for making me have to pay for the Ban Bar out of my wages. Prepare your men for a surface attack... Break out the SR-ATs
Brad - Yes sir
*He bows and leaves Snuggly to start staring out the window again*
Snuggly - Darn it! What are we paying those window cleaners for! Look at these smudges!
Scene 4
*In the rebel base hangar, Mystique is prepping a group of pilots*
Mystique - The spam cannon will fire at any ships in your path, OK, to your stations
*The pilots, including Rakuga, run towards their Sega speeders and hop in, two to each ship*
*Up on the surface*
Turbonutter - What's that sound?
*Shocktrooper raises his electro-binoculars and peers over the horizon*
Shocktrooper - SR-ATs!
Turbonutter - Oh great, that's all we need!
*The huge elephant like SR-ATs lumber towards the rebel base. Inside the leader, Hybrid Valves is giving out orders*
Hybrid Valves - Set guns for maximum charge, aim for the shield generators
Stafftrooper - Yes, sir
*The small Sega speeders dart around the huge walkers*
Rakuga - This armour is too strong for blasters! Or it would be, if they'd bothered to fit guns onto these things... OK, we're gonna have to do this the old fashioned way
Your Honour - Who put you in charge?
Rakuga - They promoted me when I saved the princess, safely delivered the Ban Bar plans to the rebels, then single handedly destroyed it just as it was about to ban an entire forum
Your Honour - When did all this happen?
Rakuga - Right, set your harpoons and tow cables, we're gonna bring 'em down one at a time
*He turns to his gunner*
Rakuga - You ready?
Quinty - Almost
Rakuga - OK, on this next pass...
*He circles his speeder around one of the SR-ATs*
Rakuga - Steady... Now!
*The tow cable is shot at the leg and Rakuga continues circling it*
Rakuga - One more pass...
*As he makes the final pass, the cable snaps*
Rakuga - Darn budget cuts! OK, we're gonna have to do this the REALLY old fashioned way...
Your Honour - And what's that?
Rakuga - We run away!
*The speeders flee the battle just as the leading walker blasts the shield generators that are protecting the rebel base, destroying the huge buildings and crippling the rebel defences*
*Meanwhile, in the base, Stryke is searching frantically for Mystique. He enters the control room where er-no, Mystique and KR are residing*
Mystique - Why are you still here? I told you to get lost!
Stryke - Oh I'll get lost... after I've seen you safely out of here!
*He picks up his intercom*
Stryke - Transport, you got any more room?
Blazing Anton - Are you kidding? Some fat guy is taking up half the seats!
Stryke - OK, take off, I'll get the princess out in the Falcon
*He leads her through the various corridors to the main hanger. Explosions in the battle raging above send snow and ice crashing down everywhere they turn. They run up the ramp and into the cockpit*
Stryke - Let's hope we don't need those jump leads
Mystique - Why?
Stryke - Swapped 'em the other day for these furry dice
*He turns the key and the engine whirs a bit before going dead*
Mystique - Think you made the right choice
*Stryke thinks for a moment*
Stryke - OK, here's what we do...
*Darth Snuggly comes into the room, flanked by a squad of Stafftroopers. Mystique is behind the Notable Falcon, pushing it*
Mystique - How's that?
Stryke - *shouting* Come on! Put your back into it, woman!
*Mystique spots the dark lord and his men*
Mystique - Crikey!
*She kicks the ship and the engine starts. She legs it back up the ramp just as the Stafftroopers start firing. The ship takes off and shoots out of the hanger doors. Darth Snuggly looks on in disgust*
*Meanwhile, on the surface, Rakuga is headed for his ship, with RM18 already safely inside*
Rakuga - Fire 'er up, RM18, we've gotta get out of here
*Suddenly, RastabillySkank appears*
RastabillySkank - You must go to the Game Ideas and Retro Games forum... There you will learn from SHEEPY, the Jedi master who instructed me... Oh, and on your way there, pick me up a Happy Meal will you?
*He fades away just as Rakuga starts climbing the ladder to his cockpit*
Rakuga - The Game Ideas and Retro Games forum... That's in the middle of nowhere! I hope RastabillySkank knows what he's doing, and he's not just drunk again... RM18 set a course for the Game Ideas and Retro Games forum
RM18 - Beep whistle beep
Scene 5
*In space, the Notable Falcon is being chased by a Spam Destroyer*
Stryke - I saw 'em, I saw 'em
Mystique - Saw what?
Stryke - Those hitchhikers who just flashed at us
Mystique - Can we hurry up and make the jump into lightspeed now? All this shaking and rocking of the ship is messing my hair up
Stryke - Oh yeah? Watch this?
*Stryke pulls back on a lever. The engine splutters a bit*
Mystique - No lightspeed?
Stryke - I think we're in trouble
*They all got shook as another laser blast hits them*
KR - Sir, we've lost the rear deflector, one more hit on the port side and we're done for!
Stryke - We're in trouble! Turn her around, Wookie Monster
*Wookie Monster stares at Stryke, as do Mystique and KR*
Mystique - I hope I'm going deaf in my old age and that you didn't just say "turn her around"
Stryke - Trust me, turn her around!
*Wookie Monster does so, and the ship veers to the left and is now facing the Spam Destroyer*
Stryke - Argh!
Mystique - Well what did you expect?
Stryke - No-one told me that thing was there!
Mystique - It's been chasing us for the last five minutes! Where did you think the ship was shaking?
Stryke - I thought it was Wookie Monster's stomach!
*He pulls up just as they're about to hit the Spam Destroyer's hull*
*Meanwhile, inside the huge SR ship*
Hybrid Valves - Where'd they go?
Stafftrooper - They're no longer on any of our scopes
Brad - Hybrid, Lord Snuggly demands an update on the pursuit
Hybrid Valves - Get a shuttle ready, I shall apologise to Lord Snuggly in person. In the meantime, keep scanning the forums. They're here somewhere
Scene 6
*On Snuggly's ship. Darth Snuggly is hitting Hybrid Valves with a newspaper*
Snuggly - Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!
Hybrid Valves - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
*He whacks him over the head a final time*
Snuggly - Get out there and find them!
*Back in space, the Notable Falcon is resting on the side of the Spam Destroyer. Inside, the crew are trying to fix the hyperdrive. Mystique is busy welding when Stryke comes in*
Stryke - How you doin'?
Mystique - Oh, Lord, not again... What do you want, Stryke?
Stryke - Don't get excited, Misty
Mystique - Will you stop calling me that please?
Stryke - Sure, Misty
Mystique - Oh you make it so difficult sometimes
Stryke - I know, I really do. But admit it, you don't think I'm such a bad guy
Mystique - When you're not calling people idiots? Bashing newbies? Complaining about text talk? Yeah, you can be OK...
Stryke - See? That wasn't so hard, was it?
*He speaks into his intercom*
Stryke - OK, Wookie Monster, stand by to release
*The huge Spam Destroyer dumps its rubbish into space and the Notable Falcon drifts off with it*
Stryke - Sometimes I amaze even myself
Mystique - That doesn't sound too difficult. So where we headed?
Stryke - Hmm, this looks interesting... MoJoJoJo
Mystique - The MoJoJoJo forum? Talk about your ego
Stryke - MoJoJoJo isn't a forum, he's a poster
Mystique - Can we trust him?
Stryke - No, but he's got no love for me I can tell you that
Mystique - I like him already
Stryke - It's pretty far but I think we can make it
*The Notable Falcon starts off on it's long journey, unaware that another ship, carrying the bounty hunter Protoss is following them*
Scene 7
*On the Game Ideas and Retro Games forum. Rakuga has landed and is exploring, being followed by RM18*
Rakuga - What a deserted forum this is
SHEEPY - Deserted? My home this is!
*Rakuga spins around to see SHEEPY*
SHEEPY - I am wondering, why are you here?
Rakuga - I'm looking for you, why else would I be on such a crappy forum?
SHEEPY - Crappy? My home this i-
Rakuga - Yeah, you told me. So, you gonna train me or not?
SHEEPY - That depends...
Rakuga - On what?
*SHEEPY whistles innocently*
Rakuga - Oooh! I see
*He slips SHEEPY a tenner*
SHEEPY - Let the training begin. I trust you have your lightsabre with you?
Rakuga - Oh man, I knew I forgot something!
SHEEPY - Aye, aye, aye! What a bafoon!
Scene 8
*The Notable Falcon lands on a platform between the forums, a city ran by MoJoJoJo. Stryke ventures down the ramp, worried as to what will happen. Across the landing platform the doors open and MoJoJoJo steps out*
MoJoJoJo - Why you slimy, two faced, cocky, no good newbie basher... You've got a lot of guts showing up here, after what YOU pulled
Stryke - Hey, that was self defence! So... um... can we come in?
MoJoJoJo - That depends?
Stryke - On what? Ooooh! Yeah, I see
*He slips MoJoJoJo a fiver*
MoJoJoJo - A fiver?! You cheap piece of- OK, it'll have to do. Ah, and whom might this be?
Mystique - I may be Princess Mystique
MoJoJoJo - Welcome... Hmm, I've always wondered if you were fit or not, and now I know. Wonder if I can sell the story to the papers...
*He leads Stryke, Mystique, Wookie Monster and KR inside. KR wanders off from the group without anyone noticing*
Scene 9
SHEEPY - Yes, feel the force flow through you! Phew! Good job I have air freshener!
Rakuga - Oh... sorry. Look, I don't mind you training me, but do you have to film it all?
*SHEEPY holds his Jed-Eye camcorder up*
SHEEPY - Hmm, yes, I do. If you mess up, to You've Been Framed I can send it. 150 smackers for me to buy some new robes, hmm, yes
Scene 10
MoJoJoJo - Won't you join me for some refreshment?
Mystique - Na, I'm on a diet
Stryke - What you got?
MoJoJoJo - Tinned spam
*Stryke shudders*
Stryke - Yeah, alright, but only because I haven't eaten in the last 24 hours
*They walk to dining room. The once bustling corridors are now all but deserted. Wookie Monster knows something is up. The huge doors open and Darth Snuggly is sat at the end of the table, with Protoss stood by his side. Stryke reaches for his gun but it is pulled from his hands and shoots into Darth Snuggly's grip*
Snuggly - I would be honoured if you would join me. This spam ain't half bad
MoJoJoJo - I'm sorry, they slipped me a tenner
Stryke - Yeah, I hate you too
Scene 11
*Rakuga is standing on his head, lifting rocks. Suddenly he falls over and lands in a heap on the floor*
Rakuga - I saw Stryke and Mystique... they were in pain!
SHEEPY - Yes, it is the future you see. That stuff I slipped in your tea must be kicking in
Rakuga - Will they die?
SHEEPY - What am I, psychic? How the heck should I know?
Rakuga - I've got to help them!
SHEEPY - Why?
Rakuga - I dunno... seems like the thing to do
SHEEPY - Fine, I was getting sick of your moaning anyway. Though, be warned... Only a true Jedi with the force as his ally can conquer Darth Snuggly
Rakuga - Who said anything about Snuggly?
SHEEPY - Well he's set a trap for you
Rakuga - How do you know that? You said-
SHEEPY - Read the script did I, unlike you, you idiot
*Rakuga heads over to his ship*
Rakuga - RM18, fire up the converters, we're getting off this heck hole
SHEEPY - Heck hole? My home this-
Rakuga - Oh shut up
*RastabillySkank appears*
RastabillySkank - Rakuga...
Rakuga - Yes, RastabillySkank?
RastabillySkank - Where's my Happy Meal?
Scene 12
*Stryke is being led into a carbon banning chamber*
MoJoJoJo - Lord Snuggly, we only use this to ban the highest spamming newbies, you put him in there and it might kill him!
Snuggly - We don't want Rakuga damaged... we will test it... on Stryke
MoJoJoJo - That was never part of our agreement!
Snuggly - Perhaps you would like me to take back your GADs
*MoJoJoJo shakes his head in defeat*
MoJoJoJo - No...
Snuggly - Good. It would be unfortunate if I had to give all your future GADs to newbies
*Mystique is brought in. She runs up to Stryke*
Stryke - I feel terrible...
Mystique - What did they do to you?
Stryke - They made me watch Power Rangers
*Mystique's jaw drops in disbelief*
Stryke - Then Big Bad Beetle Borgs
Mystique - You monster, Snuggly!
Snuggly - Put him in
*Stryke is put above the carbon banning machine and his handcuffs are taken off*
*Romantic music kicks in*
Mystique - I, kind of, sort of like you!
Stryke - How you doin'?
*He is lowered down into the chamber. Snuggly watches on, the smile on his face hidden by his mask. Mystique is close to tears as Stryke comes back up, completely grey*
Mystique - No...
*Loki runs in*
Loki - Lord Snuggly, ship approaching, looks like Rakuga
Snuggly - Didn't you die?
Loki - I thought this was the sequel?
Snuggly - It is
Loki - Well there you go then
Scene 13
*Rakuga is prowling the corridors of the city. He hears voices and starts running. He comes across some newbies carting Stryke's lifeless body, followed by a large number of Stafftroopers. Mystique and Wookie Monster are with them*
Mystique - No, Rakuga! It's a trap!
Rakuga - Oh, thanks for letting them know I'm here!
*The Stafftroopers starts blasting away at him*
Mystique - Oops... my bad!
*She is dragged through a door. Rakuga follows but when he goes through he finds himself in the carbon banning room. He hears the distinct noise of Snuggly's laboured breathing*
Snuggly - You have learnt much, Rakuga... but you are not a Jedi yet
Rakuga - Learnt much? That grammatically confused idiot SHEEPY couldn't teach a computer technician how to open Word!
*Snuggly ignites his lightsabre. Rakuga goes for his*
Rakuga - Oh man! I knew I forgot something!
*Snuggly sighs and throws Rakuga a spare*
Rakuga - Cheers
*They start to duel*
Snuggly - RastabillySkank has taught you well. Impressive. Hey, who taught you that? My Gran is better than you! I will strike you down!
Rakuga - Hey, are we gonna fight or are you gonna bore me to death?
*Snuggly smashes Rakuga's lightsabre out of his hand*
Rakuga - Oh dear
Snuggly - I have you now
*Darth Snuggly's lightsabre starts flickering, then goes off*
Snuggly - Damn batteries! Longer lasting my butt!
*Rakuga dives and rolls on the floor, picking up his weapon and turning it back on*
Snuggly - Hang on, gimme a minute...
*He starts banging his lightsabre, trying to knock the batteries out*
Snuggly - I couldn't get a jump start from yours could I?
*He produces some jump cables*
Snuggly - Swapped them with this kid for some furry dice
*He joins the two lightsabres together with the wires and his shoots back up*
Snuggly - Cheers
*He lunges at Rakuga, who narrowly dodges the attack. The fight goes outside onto some narrow beams*
Rakuga - Take this!
*He swings, missing Snuggly, who laughs*
Snuggly - Ha! My turn!
*He cuts off Rakuga's right hand*
Rakuga - Ow! Hey, that's not fair! I'm telling on you!
*Snuggly advances on Rakuga who keeps backing away*
Snuggly - RastabillySkank never told you about your father did he?
Rakuga - Actually, he didn't... I knew I had something to ask him!
Snuggly - I am your father
Rakuga - No, that's not true... That's impossible!
Snuggly - Well, we'll have to wait for the DNA tests, and a lot of other blokes went with your mother that night, but there's a fair chance that I'm right... Come with me, don't let yourself be destroyed as RastabillySkank did. Join the dark side and we can rule the forums as father and son
Rakuga - Nooooo!
*He let's himself drop down*
Snuggly - You know next time you try and jump down a hole, make sure there's a hole there first
*Rakuga looks around, Snuggly is standing over him*
Rakuga - Darn it!
Scene 14
*Aboard the Notable Falcon*
MoJoJoJo - Phew, that sure was a huge battle we had with those Stafftroopers
Mystique - Yes, it was. I think we've all learnt a valuable lesson today-
*Mystique suddenly shivers. She hears Rakuga's voice*
Rakuga - Yeah, and two cokes
Mystique - Rakuga?
Rakuga - Mystique? Hmm, I must have mentally dialled you instead of Pizza Hutt. You think you can save me?
Mystique - Aw come on, can't you do anything without my help?
Rakuga - Pleeeease? Snuggly is here and he's making bad jokes!
Mystique - OK, OK, um, try and escape and hang off the bottom of the city, I'll come pick you up. Man, I hate being a taxi service for these kids!
*They see Rakuga hanging by his legs*
Mystique - MoJoJoJo, go up and grab him, I want to get back in time for Coronation Street
*Aboard the Spam Destroyer*
Snuggly - Are you sure your men took back the furry dice from the Notable Falcon?
Brad - Yes, sir
Snuggly - Get a boarding party ready, and set your weapons for painful
*In the Notable Falcon*
MoJoJoJo - What the? The furry dice are gone!
Mystique - Hurrah! A more tasteful cockpit! Hurry up and turn the hyperdrive on
*MoJoJoJo reaches back on the lever and the ship streaks away*
Scene 15
*With the rebel fleet. $lik the doctor has just finished working on Rakuga*
Rakuga - Wow, this new robot hand works great. Look, I can stab it and it doesn't hurt! Ha ha!
Mystique - Oh grow up
$lik - Just don't let it come into contact with water, oxygen, or your clothes, OK
Mystique - MoJoJoJo, do you read me?
MoJoJoJo - Loud and clear. When we find Protoss and big_slow the spammer, we'll get Stryke back
Mystique - Who said anything about Stryke? I asked you to pick up my new sofa
*The Notable Falcon leaves the fleet and shoots off*
Rakuga - You know, I get the awful feeling we've forgotten something...
*Back at the city, RM18 and what's left of KR are playing cards*
RM18 - Beep beep whistle
KR - Go fish
THE END
It's divided up into scenes, so you can read up to a certain point, remember how far you got, then come back and finish it later. So you can't complain that it's too long! Heh
Scene 1
After destroying the Ban Bar, the rebels have fled their base and are not settling down on the Sega - Dreamcast, which is devoid of human life. However, the evil Special Reserve Empire, led by Darth Snuggly, is searching for the band of freedom fighters, by dispatching hundreds of probe posts across the forums... Does that make sense? Well I'm not going over it again!
*The on vast deserted areas of the Sega - Dreamcast forum, Rakuga is riding on his taun-taun*
Rakuga - What was I thinking leaving the Sony - PS1 & PS2 forum for this heck hole? Stryke, do you read me?
Stryke - Yeah, I hear you loud and clear
Rakuga - I've finished my search, I don't pick up any readings
Stryke - There aren't enough users on this forum to fill a newbies head. Sensors are in place, I'm headed back
*A meteor (or so that idiot Rakuga thinks) hits the snow not far away*
Rakuga - OK, I'll be along shortly, I'm gonna check out a meteor that just hit the ground
Scene 2
*In the rebel base, Mystique is looking at the top 100 posters list as Stryke swaggers in*
er-no - Captain
Stryke - Sensors are in place, so we'll know if anyone spams. Rakuga is checking out a meteor... er-no, I can't stay here any longer. If I don't get out with the information of whether Mystique is fit or not soon, I'm a dead man
er-no - I understand... You're a cocky piece of work, Stryke, I'm glad to see you go
*Stryke walks up to Mystique who pretends not to notice him*
Stryke - So long, princess... Don't get all mushy on me
Mystique - Ta ra
*Stryke hangs around*
Stryke - I'm going now
Mystique - Have a good journey
Stryke - Um... *cough* Well, you'll never see me again
Mystique - Yeah, great isn't it?
*Stryke storms out*
*Rakuga's voice comes on over the intercom*
Rakuga - Hello, Dominos Pizza? Yeah, I'd like a large vegetarian with-
er-no - Rakuga?
Rakuga - Damn, wrong number... OK, well the meteor was actually a Special Reserve probe
Mystique - It's a good bet they know we're here
er-no - Agreed... we'd better start the evacuation
Mystique - Aw man, I just finished unpacking!
Scene 3
*Aboard Darth Snuggly's super Spam Destroyer. He is stood on the bridge, staring out into the blackness of space*
Brad - Sir, we have confirmation from the Sega forum, the rebels are there
Snuggly - Excellent... They'll suffer for making me have to pay for the Ban Bar out of my wages. Prepare your men for a surface attack... Break out the SR-ATs
Brad - Yes sir
*He bows and leaves Snuggly to start staring out the window again*
Snuggly - Darn it! What are we paying those window cleaners for! Look at these smudges!
Scene 4
*In the rebel base hangar, Mystique is prepping a group of pilots*
Mystique - The spam cannon will fire at any ships in your path, OK, to your stations
*The pilots, including Rakuga, run towards their Sega speeders and hop in, two to each ship*
*Up on the surface*
Turbonutter - What's that sound?
*Shocktrooper raises his electro-binoculars and peers over the horizon*
Shocktrooper - SR-ATs!
Turbonutter - Oh great, that's all we need!
*The huge elephant like SR-ATs lumber towards the rebel base. Inside the leader, Hybrid Valves is giving out orders*
Hybrid Valves - Set guns for maximum charge, aim for the shield generators
Stafftrooper - Yes, sir
*The small Sega speeders dart around the huge walkers*
Rakuga - This armour is too strong for blasters! Or it would be, if they'd bothered to fit guns onto these things... OK, we're gonna have to do this the old fashioned way
Your Honour - Who put you in charge?
Rakuga - They promoted me when I saved the princess, safely delivered the Ban Bar plans to the rebels, then single handedly destroyed it just as it was about to ban an entire forum
Your Honour - When did all this happen?
Rakuga - Right, set your harpoons and tow cables, we're gonna bring 'em down one at a time
*He turns to his gunner*
Rakuga - You ready?
Quinty - Almost
Rakuga - OK, on this next pass...
*He circles his speeder around one of the SR-ATs*
Rakuga - Steady... Now!
*The tow cable is shot at the leg and Rakuga continues circling it*
Rakuga - One more pass...
*As he makes the final pass, the cable snaps*
Rakuga - Darn budget cuts! OK, we're gonna have to do this the REALLY old fashioned way...
Your Honour - And what's that?
Rakuga - We run away!
*The speeders flee the battle just as the leading walker blasts the shield generators that are protecting the rebel base, destroying the huge buildings and crippling the rebel defences*
*Meanwhile, in the base, Stryke is searching frantically for Mystique. He enters the control room where er-no, Mystique and KR are residing*
Mystique - Why are you still here? I told you to get lost!
Stryke - Oh I'll get lost... after I've seen you safely out of here!
*He picks up his intercom*
Stryke - Transport, you got any more room?
Blazing Anton - Are you kidding? Some fat guy is taking up half the seats!
Stryke - OK, take off, I'll get the princess out in the Falcon
*He leads her through the various corridors to the main hanger. Explosions in the battle raging above send snow and ice crashing down everywhere they turn. They run up the ramp and into the cockpit*
Stryke - Let's hope we don't need those jump leads
Mystique - Why?
Stryke - Swapped 'em the other day for these furry dice
*He turns the key and the engine whirs a bit before going dead*
Mystique - Think you made the right choice
*Stryke thinks for a moment*
Stryke - OK, here's what we do...
*Darth Snuggly comes into the room, flanked by a squad of Stafftroopers. Mystique is behind the Notable Falcon, pushing it*
Mystique - How's that?
Stryke - *shouting* Come on! Put your back into it, woman!
*Mystique spots the dark lord and his men*
Mystique - Crikey!
*She kicks the ship and the engine starts. She legs it back up the ramp just as the Stafftroopers start firing. The ship takes off and shoots out of the hanger doors. Darth Snuggly looks on in disgust*
*Meanwhile, on the surface, Rakuga is headed for his ship, with RM18 already safely inside*
Rakuga - Fire 'er up, RM18, we've gotta get out of here
*Suddenly, RastabillySkank appears*
RastabillySkank - You must go to the Game Ideas and Retro Games forum... There you will learn from SHEEPY, the Jedi master who instructed me... Oh, and on your way there, pick me up a Happy Meal will you?
*He fades away just as Rakuga starts climbing the ladder to his cockpit*
Rakuga - The Game Ideas and Retro Games forum... That's in the middle of nowhere! I hope RastabillySkank knows what he's doing, and he's not just drunk again... RM18 set a course for the Game Ideas and Retro Games forum
RM18 - Beep whistle beep
Scene 5
*In space, the Notable Falcon is being chased by a Spam Destroyer*
Stryke - I saw 'em, I saw 'em
Mystique - Saw what?
Stryke - Those hitchhikers who just flashed at us
Mystique - Can we hurry up and make the jump into lightspeed now? All this shaking and rocking of the ship is messing my hair up
Stryke - Oh yeah? Watch this?
*Stryke pulls back on a lever. The engine splutters a bit*
Mystique - No lightspeed?
Stryke - I think we're in trouble
*They all got shook as another laser blast hits them*
KR - Sir, we've lost the rear deflector, one more hit on the port side and we're done for!
Stryke - We're in trouble! Turn her around, Wookie Monster
*Wookie Monster stares at Stryke, as do Mystique and KR*
Mystique - I hope I'm going deaf in my old age and that you didn't just say "turn her around"
Stryke - Trust me, turn her around!
*Wookie Monster does so, and the ship veers to the left and is now facing the Spam Destroyer*
Stryke - Argh!
Mystique - Well what did you expect?
Stryke - No-one told me that thing was there!
Mystique - It's been chasing us for the last five minutes! Where did you think the ship was shaking?
Stryke - I thought it was Wookie Monster's stomach!
*He pulls up just as they're about to hit the Spam Destroyer's hull*
*Meanwhile, inside the huge SR ship*
Hybrid Valves - Where'd they go?
Stafftrooper - They're no longer on any of our scopes
Brad - Hybrid, Lord Snuggly demands an update on the pursuit
Hybrid Valves - Get a shuttle ready, I shall apologise to Lord Snuggly in person. In the meantime, keep scanning the forums. They're here somewhere
Scene 6
*On Snuggly's ship. Darth Snuggly is hitting Hybrid Valves with a newspaper*
Snuggly - Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!
Hybrid Valves - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
*He whacks him over the head a final time*
Snuggly - Get out there and find them!
*Back in space, the Notable Falcon is resting on the side of the Spam Destroyer. Inside, the crew are trying to fix the hyperdrive. Mystique is busy welding when Stryke comes in*
Stryke - How you doin'?
Mystique - Oh, Lord, not again... What do you want, Stryke?
Stryke - Don't get excited, Misty
Mystique - Will you stop calling me that please?
Stryke - Sure, Misty
Mystique - Oh you make it so difficult sometimes
Stryke - I know, I really do. But admit it, you don't think I'm such a bad guy
Mystique - When you're not calling people idiots? Bashing newbies? Complaining about text talk? Yeah, you can be OK...
Stryke - See? That wasn't so hard, was it?
*He speaks into his intercom*
Stryke - OK, Wookie Monster, stand by to release
*The huge Spam Destroyer dumps its rubbish into space and the Notable Falcon drifts off with it*
Stryke - Sometimes I amaze even myself
Mystique - That doesn't sound too difficult. So where we headed?
Stryke - Hmm, this looks interesting... MoJoJoJo
Mystique - The MoJoJoJo forum? Talk about your ego
Stryke - MoJoJoJo isn't a forum, he's a poster
Mystique - Can we trust him?
Stryke - No, but he's got no love for me I can tell you that
Mystique - I like him already
Stryke - It's pretty far but I think we can make it
*The Notable Falcon starts off on it's long journey, unaware that another ship, carrying the bounty hunter Protoss is following them*
Scene 7
*On the Game Ideas and Retro Games forum. Rakuga has landed and is exploring, being followed by RM18*
Rakuga - What a deserted forum this is
SHEEPY - Deserted? My home this is!
*Rakuga spins around to see SHEEPY*
SHEEPY - I am wondering, why are you here?
Rakuga - I'm looking for you, why else would I be on such a crappy forum?
SHEEPY - Crappy? My home this i-
Rakuga - Yeah, you told me. So, you gonna train me or not?
SHEEPY - That depends...
Rakuga - On what?
*SHEEPY whistles innocently*
Rakuga - Oooh! I see
*He slips SHEEPY a tenner*
SHEEPY - Let the training begin. I trust you have your lightsabre with you?
Rakuga - Oh man, I knew I forgot something!
SHEEPY - Aye, aye, aye! What a bafoon!
Scene 8
*The Notable Falcon lands on a platform between the forums, a city ran by MoJoJoJo. Stryke ventures down the ramp, worried as to what will happen. Across the landing platform the doors open and MoJoJoJo steps out*
MoJoJoJo - Why you slimy, two faced, cocky, no good newbie basher... You've got a lot of guts showing up here, after what YOU pulled
Stryke - Hey, that was self defence! So... um... can we come in?
MoJoJoJo - That depends?
Stryke - On what? Ooooh! Yeah, I see
*He slips MoJoJoJo a fiver*
MoJoJoJo - A fiver?! You cheap piece of- OK, it'll have to do. Ah, and whom might this be?
Mystique - I may be Princess Mystique
MoJoJoJo - Welcome... Hmm, I've always wondered if you were fit or not, and now I know. Wonder if I can sell the story to the papers...
*He leads Stryke, Mystique, Wookie Monster and KR inside. KR wanders off from the group without anyone noticing*
Scene 9
SHEEPY - Yes, feel the force flow through you! Phew! Good job I have air freshener!
Rakuga - Oh... sorry. Look, I don't mind you training me, but do you have to film it all?
*SHEEPY holds his Jed-Eye camcorder up*
SHEEPY - Hmm, yes, I do. If you mess up, to You've Been Framed I can send it. 150 smackers for me to buy some new robes, hmm, yes
Scene 10
MoJoJoJo - Won't you join me for some refreshment?
Mystique - Na, I'm on a diet
Stryke - What you got?
MoJoJoJo - Tinned spam
*Stryke shudders*
Stryke - Yeah, alright, but only because I haven't eaten in the last 24 hours
*They walk to dining room. The once bustling corridors are now all but deserted. Wookie Monster knows something is up. The huge doors open and Darth Snuggly is sat at the end of the table, with Protoss stood by his side. Stryke reaches for his gun but it is pulled from his hands and shoots into Darth Snuggly's grip*
Snuggly - I would be honoured if you would join me. This spam ain't half bad
MoJoJoJo - I'm sorry, they slipped me a tenner
Stryke - Yeah, I hate you too
Scene 11
*Rakuga is standing on his head, lifting rocks. Suddenly he falls over and lands in a heap on the floor*
Rakuga - I saw Stryke and Mystique... they were in pain!
SHEEPY - Yes, it is the future you see. That stuff I slipped in your tea must be kicking in
Rakuga - Will they die?
SHEEPY - What am I, psychic? How the heck should I know?
Rakuga - I've got to help them!
SHEEPY - Why?
Rakuga - I dunno... seems like the thing to do
SHEEPY - Fine, I was getting sick of your moaning anyway. Though, be warned... Only a true Jedi with the force as his ally can conquer Darth Snuggly
Rakuga - Who said anything about Snuggly?
SHEEPY - Well he's set a trap for you
Rakuga - How do you know that? You said-
SHEEPY - Read the script did I, unlike you, you idiot
*Rakuga heads over to his ship*
Rakuga - RM18, fire up the converters, we're getting off this heck hole
SHEEPY - Heck hole? My home this-
Rakuga - Oh shut up
*RastabillySkank appears*
RastabillySkank - Rakuga...
Rakuga - Yes, RastabillySkank?
RastabillySkank - Where's my Happy Meal?
Scene 12
*Stryke is being led into a carbon banning chamber*
MoJoJoJo - Lord Snuggly, we only use this to ban the highest spamming newbies, you put him in there and it might kill him!
Snuggly - We don't want Rakuga damaged... we will test it... on Stryke
MoJoJoJo - That was never part of our agreement!
Snuggly - Perhaps you would like me to take back your GADs
*MoJoJoJo shakes his head in defeat*
MoJoJoJo - No...
Snuggly - Good. It would be unfortunate if I had to give all your future GADs to newbies
*Mystique is brought in. She runs up to Stryke*
Stryke - I feel terrible...
Mystique - What did they do to you?
Stryke - They made me watch Power Rangers
*Mystique's jaw drops in disbelief*
Stryke - Then Big Bad Beetle Borgs
Mystique - You monster, Snuggly!
Snuggly - Put him in
*Stryke is put above the carbon banning machine and his handcuffs are taken off*
*Romantic music kicks in*
Mystique - I, kind of, sort of like you!
Stryke - How you doin'?
*He is lowered down into the chamber. Snuggly watches on, the smile on his face hidden by his mask. Mystique is close to tears as Stryke comes back up, completely grey*
Mystique - No...
*Loki runs in*
Loki - Lord Snuggly, ship approaching, looks like Rakuga
Snuggly - Didn't you die?
Loki - I thought this was the sequel?
Snuggly - It is
Loki - Well there you go then
Scene 13
*Rakuga is prowling the corridors of the city. He hears voices and starts running. He comes across some newbies carting Stryke's lifeless body, followed by a large number of Stafftroopers. Mystique and Wookie Monster are with them*
Mystique - No, Rakuga! It's a trap!
Rakuga - Oh, thanks for letting them know I'm here!
*The Stafftroopers starts blasting away at him*
Mystique - Oops... my bad!
*She is dragged through a door. Rakuga follows but when he goes through he finds himself in the carbon banning room. He hears the distinct noise of Snuggly's laboured breathing*
Snuggly - You have learnt much, Rakuga... but you are not a Jedi yet
Rakuga - Learnt much? That grammatically confused idiot SHEEPY couldn't teach a computer technician how to open Word!
*Snuggly ignites his lightsabre. Rakuga goes for his*
Rakuga - Oh man! I knew I forgot something!
*Snuggly sighs and throws Rakuga a spare*
Rakuga - Cheers
*They start to duel*
Snuggly - RastabillySkank has taught you well. Impressive. Hey, who taught you that? My Gran is better than you! I will strike you down!
Rakuga - Hey, are we gonna fight or are you gonna bore me to death?
*Snuggly smashes Rakuga's lightsabre out of his hand*
Rakuga - Oh dear
Snuggly - I have you now
*Darth Snuggly's lightsabre starts flickering, then goes off*
Snuggly - Damn batteries! Longer lasting my butt!
*Rakuga dives and rolls on the floor, picking up his weapon and turning it back on*
Snuggly - Hang on, gimme a minute...
*He starts banging his lightsabre, trying to knock the batteries out*
Snuggly - I couldn't get a jump start from yours could I?
*He produces some jump cables*
Snuggly - Swapped them with this kid for some furry dice
*He joins the two lightsabres together with the wires and his shoots back up*
Snuggly - Cheers
*He lunges at Rakuga, who narrowly dodges the attack. The fight goes outside onto some narrow beams*
Rakuga - Take this!
*He swings, missing Snuggly, who laughs*
Snuggly - Ha! My turn!
*He cuts off Rakuga's right hand*
Rakuga - Ow! Hey, that's not fair! I'm telling on you!
*Snuggly advances on Rakuga who keeps backing away*
Snuggly - RastabillySkank never told you about your father did he?
Rakuga - Actually, he didn't... I knew I had something to ask him!
Snuggly - I am your father
Rakuga - No, that's not true... That's impossible!
Snuggly - Well, we'll have to wait for the DNA tests, and a lot of other blokes went with your mother that night, but there's a fair chance that I'm right... Come with me, don't let yourself be destroyed as RastabillySkank did. Join the dark side and we can rule the forums as father and son
Rakuga - Nooooo!
*He let's himself drop down*
Snuggly - You know next time you try and jump down a hole, make sure there's a hole there first
*Rakuga looks around, Snuggly is standing over him*
Rakuga - Darn it!
Scene 14
*Aboard the Notable Falcon*
MoJoJoJo - Phew, that sure was a huge battle we had with those Stafftroopers
Mystique - Yes, it was. I think we've all learnt a valuable lesson today-
*Mystique suddenly shivers. She hears Rakuga's voice*
Rakuga - Yeah, and two cokes
Mystique - Rakuga?
Rakuga - Mystique? Hmm, I must have mentally dialled you instead of Pizza Hutt. You think you can save me?
Mystique - Aw come on, can't you do anything without my help?
Rakuga - Pleeeease? Snuggly is here and he's making bad jokes!
Mystique - OK, OK, um, try and escape and hang off the bottom of the city, I'll come pick you up. Man, I hate being a taxi service for these kids!
*They see Rakuga hanging by his legs*
Mystique - MoJoJoJo, go up and grab him, I want to get back in time for Coronation Street
*Aboard the Spam Destroyer*
Snuggly - Are you sure your men took back the furry dice from the Notable Falcon?
Brad - Yes, sir
Snuggly - Get a boarding party ready, and set your weapons for painful
*In the Notable Falcon*
MoJoJoJo - What the? The furry dice are gone!
Mystique - Hurrah! A more tasteful cockpit! Hurry up and turn the hyperdrive on
*MoJoJoJo reaches back on the lever and the ship streaks away*
Scene 15
*With the rebel fleet. $lik the doctor has just finished working on Rakuga*
Rakuga - Wow, this new robot hand works great. Look, I can stab it and it doesn't hurt! Ha ha!
Mystique - Oh grow up
$lik - Just don't let it come into contact with water, oxygen, or your clothes, OK
Mystique - MoJoJoJo, do you read me?
MoJoJoJo - Loud and clear. When we find Protoss and big_slow the spammer, we'll get Stryke back
Mystique - Who said anything about Stryke? I asked you to pick up my new sofa
*The Notable Falcon leaves the fleet and shoots off*
Rakuga - You know, I get the awful feeling we've forgotten something...
*Back at the city, RM18 and what's left of KR are playing cards*
RM18 - Beep beep whistle
KR - Go fish
THE END
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Surely my name makes me useful for some part? Common you know all that Star...I mean SR Wars is missing is a GingerLord!
Don't worry, there's still part 3, which will have some of you in
Heh, very nice actually, well done on a nice read. I went back a few topics and skimmed through the first one but I only did that after I read this one but I still got the jist of it.
Oh and I think I should be the star in the background, what with my name and all.
Oh and I think I should be the star in the background, what with my name and all.
hmmm
CDouch wrote:
> Damn im not in it, couldnt I have at least been a star in the
> background
Your time will come..
> Damn im not in it, couldnt I have at least been a star in the
> background
Your time will come..
Good post keep erm coming.
Damn im not in it, couldnt I have at least been a star in the background
Nice one again, Mojo. I think the first was better, though.
Argh! Double post! It's only the second/third time it's happened to me!
*tries to wash off the filth*
It's not coming off! Argh!
;-D
*tries to wash off the filth*
It's not coming off! Argh!
;-D
Because you're just about the only lass here
And to answer your second question, yes I do love you. Have you read the first one? This won't make much sense without the first, heh
And to answer your second question, yes I do love you. Have you read the first one? This won't make much sense without the first, heh
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