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Stryke Payne
"A chopper is circling the building, shining its blinding light into my eyes. Standing on top of the skyscraper, gun in hand, staring into the abyss that is the New York landscape I can see only darkness. The snow swirls by my feet, controlled by the random hand of the wind. My hands numb, my lip shaking and my heart pumping, I finally let go of the gun and let it drop down into the darkness"
*As it hits the ground there's a rapid blast of gunfire followed by a window smashing and a woman screaming*
Stryke - Sorry! My bad!
"To make sense of it all we must go back three years, before the pain began... Go to the toilet now, I don't want to have to keep stopping and starting while you lot walk around!
Where was I? Oh yes... Life was good, I had a job busting newbies and spammers in the SR Spam Police, I finally convinced Mystique to marry me, and my goatee was really growing well."
Mr Snuggly - Are you sure you won't stay and have another drink, Stryke?
Stryke - Na, I've gotta get back, Eastenders is on
Mr Snuggly - You're the best spam buster we have... Just so you know, if your family gets murdered and you go on a killing spree, you'll always have a job with us
Stryke - Ah, that's good to know
"I didn't like the way the show started. I had the best seat in the house, my own eyes. I strolled into my house, but something was wrong... I couldn't hear the TV."
Stryke - Mystique?
"And that's when I saw it. It was staring right at me, laughing at me, knowing I feared it. The word "SPAM" had been spray painted on my wall"
Stryke - Noooooo!
"The phone began to ring, without thinking I pulled the receiver to my head"
Stryke - Help! Someone's in my house, call 999, no, wait, 911!
Mysterious Person - Ah... Stryke. I'm sorry, I can't help you
"I didn't have time to worry about who it was, I let the phone drop and ran upstairs, where I could hear muffled voices. The quickest way to our bedroom was through the bathroom, so I ran in. The door into the next room was blocked. Panic set in as I heard gun shots. I forced myself back into the hallway, and ran down to the other door. As I reached for the handle the door was opened, smashing me in the jaw. Dazed, I looked up to see a stranger in my house"
Protoss - I have you now!
Stryke - Nooooo!
"I hadn't even realised I'd drawn my gun, I guess it was instinctive. All I knew was that he dropped to the floor, blood curdling from his mouth. The smoke from my gun made me feel ill, but I had to keep going. I ventured into the main bedroom, where I could hear Mystique's cries for help. Another figure was in the room."
Stryke - Who are you?!
Brew - Die!!!
"He was jacked up on spam, I could tell. His eyes were glazed over and he had that distant look in his eyes. I knew he'd been putting his word count up all day. I aimed for the head this time, firing round after round into his skull. What did I care, not like I had to clean it up or anything, that was Mystique's job... Mystique! I'd almost forgotten about her. I scanned the room like a man possessed until I located her. She lay on the bed, one hand on her stomach. I nudged it off to reveal a deep bullet wound."
Stryke - No, no, please, God, no!
"I felt sad and angry at the same time, my emotions tearing me up inside. One way I wanted to cry, another I wanted to put the gun to my own temple and join her. Finally I exploded."
Stryke - Noooooooooooo *pauses for breath* ooooooooooooooo!
"After that I didn't care anymore. I let my goatee grow wild and untamed, I bought the coolest looking leather jacket I could find and some nice looking trainers. With nothing to lose I didn't care anymore - I wanted to track down the spammers who'd done this. Mr Snuggly sent me deep undercover. I got a new alias, my GAD prizes were struck from the record and my wordcount set to zero. I was a newbie again."
Stryke - I've become my own worst enemy....
"I infiltrated the worst spamming family around, the Shaneo Connection as it was known. He had a thousand aliases and a thousand spammers working night and day for him. Even the SR staff couldn't touch him. Banning didn't do the job anymore, so there was only one way to do it - send someone in to destroy him from the inside. Mr Snuggly and Loki were the only people who knew my real identity. My new name was Stryke2, they'd never figure out who I was, as long as I talked in text speak and quoted everyone else's posts without adding anything. Three days ago I got a call from Loki, telling me to meet Snuggly at Roscoe Street Station. I didn't like it, why didn't Snuggly contact me himself? But Loki was my superior so I went along, making sure to take my Berretta just in case"
Stryke - Snuggly? You there?
"The homeless guy on the train had me spooked, I was glad to get off but I didn't feel any safer on the desolate platform of the station. Snuggly was nowhere to be seen, I got that uneasy feeling in my gut, I knew something was up (hey, when this sort of stuff happens often enough you get a good nose for it) I saw shotgun cartridges on the floor... Something was definitely up, no doubt there. I pushed the door by the shells open and walked down the short corridor. There were bullet holes in the walls, and more empty cartridges."
Stryke - Oh... God
"A train security officer lay in a pool of his own blood, my first reaction was not to vomit though, but to draw my gun in preparation for something unknown up ahead. I half walked half ran back to the main platform, where two thugs were now stood, gloating about their word counts. They made me even sicker than the corpse."
jc99041 - Hey, you!
"I dived forward, their freshly shot bullets barely skimmed my head, probably taking a few hairs with them. Before I'd even landed I'd popped off four rounds at the pair. One doubled over in pain, the other kept firing. I was quick to my feet, I knew if I stayed still I'd be a sitting duck. I rolled towards him, firing as soon as I landed back on my feet. He went down this time, but his friend was just starting to get back up"
Stryke - Later... dude
"I had no right to do what I did, there was no justifying it. I had handcuffs, I could've booked him and taken him down town. But that didn't feel right. Putting one between his eyes did. His body slumped to the ground, but I'd already taken up the flight of stairs"
Milenko - So, I had 65 posts, 2647 words, and this guy was like "Hey, you call yourself a spammer?" So I pistol whipped that mother lover! Ha!
"Their pointless babble only further enraged me. I could just see them from around the corner, but they would soon see me - I'd make sure of that. I dived out, firing blindly into what I knew would be a large group of spamming thugs. Two were caught in the back, the ones who were facing me were lucky enough to have them as human shields. But their luck was about to run out. Their dead comrades dropped like puppets who'd had their strings cut. Now their protection was gone, and as I scrambled to get back up, ready to fire again, their guns hadn't even left their holsters. Two gunshots later and there were two less spammers in the world.
I had to keep moving, I wanted to know where all these spammers had come from, and where Snuggly was. I knew he could handle himself but even he could only put up with so many GAD losers moaning. The corridors I was running down became a blur, I found another platform with yet more thugs loitering around, talking about totally un-topical subjects. My trigger had never seen such action. They fell one after another, one even cried out "spam forever" as he choked on his own blood. It brought a smile to my face, but only because of how tragic it was. He'd devoted his life to the annoyance of others, and it had cost him it. I came across a shaking security guard, I couldn't blame him, he'd just seen his friends shot to pieces by spamming scum."
Grix Thraves - Oh my God! Oh my God! They killed Sniper! They killed Sniper!
Stryke - Get a hold of yourself, man! Now, is there a phone we can use?
Grix Thraves - Uh... Yeah, up in the control room, if we get there we can call for help
Stryke - You got better all of a sudden
Grix Thraves - Yeah, well, life goes on... Come on, let's go, I haven't got all day!
"I led him upstairs, back the way I'd come. He punched his code into the machine and the doors whooshed open. Only there wasn't a phone awaiting us, there was a spammer"
Blazing Anton - What the?
"He blasted the guard before I'd even blinked, and the doors shut again, leaving me with another corpse."
Stryke - Well if you want something done right, do it yourself...
"I took a deep breath, slipped a new clip into my Beretta and pressed OPEN on the doors. With the code still entered they flew open, but the thug had already ran deeper into the control rooms. Feeling little relief at that fact, I stepped inside and headed for the next door in front of me. I could hear their worthless banter as I closed my eyes, stuck my arm around the corner and started blasting. A waste of ammo I know but rather that then sticking my head around the corner only to be greeted by a load of buckshot."
be-z-boy - Get behind him! Get down!
"They were shouting at each other over the sound of my gun. I'd run through five bullets... ten... fifteen... twenty... Suddenly the room was silent save for my repeating clicking as I kept pulling the trigger. I let the empty magazine slip out and slapped a fresh one in as quickly as I could. I walked into the room. There were smoking bodies everywhere, only one was still moving. He was crawling on his hands and knees, leaving a trail of blood staining the carpet. I kicked him and he rolled over."
Anwar - *cough* Who are you?
Stryke - I'm the delivery boy
Anwar - What?? That was pathetic! At least think of a good one before you blow me away!
Stryke - OK, OK, hang on... OK, got one
Anwar - Good, let's hear it
Stryke - See you in hell, spammer
Anwar - That's better
Stryke - Thank you
*bang*
Stryke - Appreciate it
"Right and wrong were out of the window, I was playing to win. I had to find Snuggly, find out where all these thugs had come from, and get out of this darn station. A button caught my eye, it had "main power" on it. Curious I flipped the protective cover and pressed it. The inspection train on the security monitor lit up like a light bulb. I'd passed it earlier, now with power maybe I could get out and find a phone. I headed back the way I'd come and saw the train, the engine running. Jumping in, I pushed the lever forward. Thank God for the idiot proof train controls. The train shuddered and slowly started inching forward. I was short on time, so urged the train faster and faster. To my horror, the headlights were now pointing at a wooden barrier blocking the entire tunnel, and this barrier was racing towards me. With no time to slow down or break, I just grabbed the controls and braced for impact. Thankfully the wood was old and rotting, and I ploughed right through it. However this was the end of the line for the train as the tracks stopped here. I brushed off the dust (didn't want anyone thinking I had dandruff) from my shoulders, shook out the cobwebs in my head and ventured out of the train and further down the tunnel. Almost immediately I heard a group of people nattering. Just to be sure I drew my gun and tip toed onwards. I came upon a gang of spammers, speaking so quickly and with such horrific grammar I couldn't keep up with what they were saying. There was only one language other than spam they understood, and that was guns. With mine in hand, I leapt out and started firing wildly into the crowd. In my haste I'd failed to notice the propane tanks by their feet, and as luck would have it, one of my sizzling shots ricocheted off, hitting the wall. But the damage had been done, the gas was leaking and a flame quickly engulfed the tank. Then it sprayed out in all directions, like an octopus stretching, reaching out everywhere."
Ghost Killer - Arrrggghhh!
"The thugs were quickly becoming a spam barbeque. I could've capped them all, put them out of their misery. But I'd rather watch them suffer. I smiled as they screamed and crumpled onto the floor like burning paper. Their screams went in one ear and out the other. I had no pity. They deserved it. Every last one of them...
I don't know how long I stood there watching them, but the flames were all but out by the time I strolled up the steps they'd been standing by. I pushed open the metal door and walked through, the blood of the spammers rust on my lips."
"I was in some old tunnels where the old train station had been. This place hadn't seen a duster since the '50s. But there were footprints on the floor, recent ones at that. Checking my gun was loaded, I proceeded on, trying to keep as alert as possible. I eventually found some sign of life in the dark halls - two spammers by a door."
bingbong - OK, get the detonators
Towelie - I went to get them but you should always take a towel
"The cracks were showing in the first spammer, he'd had enough of his partner. He saved me the effort by blowing him away with his shotgun. I made sure he joined him by jumping out from behind the crates I'd been peering at them over and capped him with a burst of fire. He looked me directly in the eye as he dropped to his knees, then flopped onto the ground, his face landing in the mud. I didn't give him a second thought, I was already eyeing up the door they'd been standing by. There was enough explosives on it to level a small army, pretty extreme just for a door. Without the detonators this door was staying put, so I carried on. Before I'd taken two steps a muffled explosion shook the room I was in, plaster falling all around me. The thugs obviously had more explosives, but why? Then it struck me - the bank! There was a bank with an underground vault right by Roscoe Street station, no wonder they were crawling all over that place, they were going for the money in the bank. I didn't care about the money, the moral obligations or the possible reward I'd get for stopping them, I just wanted to put as many of those scumbags six feet under as possible.
I came across a huge hole in the wall, with scorch marks all around it on the metal. I could hear them boasting about cheats which didn't exist from where I stood, so I carefully stepped into the vast opening. An alarm had been sounding for some time now but I only heard it at this moment. I spotted someone in the room ahead of me, packing a shotgun, a cold glare in his eyes. I exhaled deeply, the sound of the alarm drowning out any noise I could've made to reveal myself, and then started running towards the door. Gathering speed, before I knew it I was in the room, shot at with various exclamations of utter confusion."
Seinfeld_Enthusiast - What the?
Lodge - Hey!
"I dived forward, and everything became a blur. I just saw figures and shot them. Everything was a potential spammer, a potential target. The bodies hit the floor one by one and I eventually came to my senses, lying on the floor with two smoking guns in my hands. I'd unloaded all twenty shots from each gun, and as I got to my knees I scanned the room, there was only five or six corpses, but each one had at least five shots embedded in their chests. They'd barely capped off one round between them, lucky me I guess. Gathering myself I reloaded and pressed the button on the door which had "Main Vaults" written above it. The door slid open and suddenly I had ten spammers pointing guns at me."
Stryke - Sorry, wrong room
"I mashed the buttons with my fingers, praying I'd hit the one to close the door before I was cut to pieces by gunfire. It flew shut and I heard several shots ping off it on the other side. They could open the door at any time, so I had to think fast. I sighted a shotgun in the hands of the still warm body by my feet, so I plucked it out of his grasp and cocked it. I'd have to take the fight to them if I was to stand any chance. I closed my eyes, and banged the buttons with my fist, opening the door. As I felt the air whoosh past my face, my eyes shot open just in time to see them start shooting. They'd all taken refuge behind the various desks and filing cabinets scattered around the room. I was dead meat, I knew it, but reactions took over my consciousness and I rolled forward, firing the huge gun in my arms as soon as I was back on my feet. It peppered the nearest blockade two or three spammers were hiding behind, and they all ducked for cover. Pumping the shotgun, I swung around and took aim at a lone thug standing by a potted plant. I sent him smashing into the wall as the buckshot found a new home in his chest and stomach. I was now in the middle of the room, somewhere I really shouldn't be, so I dived to my right, taking out another thug with an almighty blast from my gun. He crashed into the thug behind him, who fell over and struggled to push his dead comrade off him. The thugs who had taken cover were now back up, taking pot shots at me as I ran towards the nearest desk. I leapt over it, hitting the wall. I felt like I'd broken my leg, but the adrenaline blocked out the pain. Sticking the gun around the side of the desk I let off a barrage of shots in the general direction of the largest group of spammers. I'd been counting and I only had two shells left now. They stopped firing and I heard them ordering each other around."
Mama Lazarou - You, go round, you, flank him. Move!
"I only had a few seconds before two thugs came up on either side of me and turned me into Swiss cheese, so I stood up and let two blasts off at the two approaching spammers. Before they'd even hit the ground I'd ducked back down, narrowly missing a spray of fire. I tossed the now empty shotgun to the floor and drew my two Berettas. I blew on each of the barrels and thrust them both over the top of the desk, emptying their magazines into what I hoped would be a group of spammers. By my guess there was about four of them left, maybe five. I realised the room had got a little quieter, and that was because both my guns were empty. Now I had a dilemma, as it would take me several seconds to slap in two new clips, and in that time they could be on me and I'd soon be in a box somewhere. My mind raced through all the possible solutions in a micro-second. I decided to make a break for it, to try and grab a now owner-less gun from the floor. I threw one of my Berettas over the desk, hoping to create a diversion, then I hopped over the desk and sprinted to the right side of the room. I ran my hands over the floor as I went, hoping they would catch on a gun. After what seemed an eternity I felt the cold grip of a pistol in my right hand, and spun around, squeezing the trigger. It was a Desert Eagle, and packed a punch. One of my shots managed to wing one of the spammers, putting him momentarily out of action as he clutched his shoulder. The tables had turned now, as now it was the spammers who were in the centre of the room and I was behind a turned over filing cabinet. I ran through the five remaining bullets in my newly acquired gun, which took out two of them. There was now two healthy thugs and one on the floor, screaming in agony. I threw the empty hand cannon at them and ducked down, praying that I would have time to reload my remaining Beretta before they realised what I was doing. I fumbled with the clip, until I finally heard the click which let me know it was ready to fire. I'd have to be more careful, this was my last magazine and was probably half empty anyway. I chanced a peek over the cabinet and saw them all clearly. One was torn between shooting at me and checking on his injured friend while the other was busy reloading. As he dropped the magazine by accident and bent down to pick it up, I made my move. I jumped forward, using the cabinet as a platform to push myself off. The first two rounds I squeezed off took care of the one shooting at me, the next few dealt with the other as he finally finished reloading and was about to get back to trying to ventilate me. I landed hard on the floor, but quickly got back up. The spammer I'd winged earlier was still on the floor, squeezing his shoulder and wincing in pain. I raised my gun so it was level with his head."
smokey - You'll never get away with this, Stryke, we know you're a cop
Stryke - Don't worry about it, it's not your problem
"He shut his eyes as my bullet sailed through the air towards it's destination - his forehead. He sputtered a bit then his head dropped and he was gone. My ears were ringing and the pain in my leg suddenly kicked in, spreading a grimace across my face. The phone was ringing, and had probably been doing so for the last few minutes. I limped over and answered, hoping to get some answers as to what the heck was going on."
Hybrid Valves - Give yourselves up, we have the building surrounded
Stryke - Who is this?
Hybrid Valves - Deputy Chief Hybrid Valves - Spam Division
Stryke - Oh great (!)
"I hung up. I'd been framed. Instead of meeting Snuggly I'd been planted right slap bang in the middle of a huge bank heist. This was no coincidence. I had to get out of this bank and find out what was going on before a heavily armed SWAT team came in to shoot first, shoot later and when everyone was dead - ask questions. I nearly tripped over a bag among the spent bullet cases as I started walking. I brushed aside some of the rubble and unzipped it. Inside was enough TNT to put a whole in the Earth, and some detonators. I could use these to blow the door I'd passed earlier, I'm sure it was an exit since they'd already broken into the vault. Chances are it would lead back to Roscoe Street station. It was worth a try. I ran as fast as my injured leg would allow back the way I came, set the detonators onto the door and took cover. One monumental explosion later and I had my exit. As I walked through the smoke, falling rubble bounced off my shoulders. Just as I had thought, I was in Roscoe Street station. I'd just started to relax when someone shouted at me."
Mr Snuggly - Freeze!
"It was Snuggly, on the other side of the security barrier."
Mr Snuggly - Oh, it's you Stryke. You nearly gave me a heart attack! I almost shot you! Man, you look like heck
Stryke - It's a set up, Snuggly... Can you get around this thing?
Mr Snuggly - I haven't seen a way, we may have to meet outside
Stryke - Darn! This is Shaneo's doing, his spammers are all over the place!
Mr Snuggly - This is Shaneo's doing, Shaneo's men? Really?
"Those were his last years before his head was sent into the wall with a loud and sickening thud. A lone bullet had soared through the air towards him and now he was sliding down the wall, a distant look in his eyes."
Stryke - Snuggly? Snuggly!
"He was dead, there was nothing I could do. A puddle started to form around him as he lay in a crumpled pile on the floor. I gripped the metal bars and stared down on him. He had kept me relatively sane during my time undercover, and now he was gone. Just as a tear started to roll down my cheek, the silence was interrupted by a blast of gunfire aimed in my direction. I dropped and spun around, drawing my gun as I did so. I was filled with a rage not felt since Mystique had been taken away from me. I emptied the remainder of my magazine into the two spammers behind me and grabbed their guns, sliding one into my holster and the other into my jacket pocket. I noticed some stairs, the only way out save for going back into the bank, so I limped up, hoping to find some spamming thugs to take my anger out on. I wouldn't be disappointed. No sooner had I reached the top of the staircase then a small group of spammers appeared, talking about the police sirens outside."
blahpro - Let's get out of here! I'm not sticking around for the cops to bust their way in!
"He'd barely finished his sentence before I'd drawn my gun and started unloading into the group. The one I hit in the stomach dropped to his knees, squirming in discomfort. The other two drew their guns and started blasting away, but I was too quick. I'd already started firing again, and I pinned one to the wall with my bullets. As he dropped to the floor, another two shots sent his friend along with him on the trip to the morgue. I searched them for any magazines and ran up to the next level, the huge "EXIT" sign drawing me in. Finally, I'd found a way out of this station of death. I just prayed there wasn't a large number of armed police awaiting me when I got out. Luckily the only thing to meet me as I ran up the final set of stairs was the blistering cold. Now I wanted revenge, and the best way was heading to the hotel Shaneo and his cronies frequented. I slapped in a new magazine and started the walk there, my thoughts lingering on Snuggly and, for the first time in years, Mystique."
To be continued...
"A chopper is circling the building, shining its blinding light into my eyes. Standing on top of the skyscraper, gun in hand, staring into the abyss that is the New York landscape I can see only darkness. The snow swirls by my feet, controlled by the random hand of the wind. My hands numb, my lip shaking and my heart pumping, I finally let go of the gun and let it drop down into the darkness"
*As it hits the ground there's a rapid blast of gunfire followed by a window smashing and a woman screaming*
Stryke - Sorry! My bad!
"To make sense of it all we must go back three years, before the pain began... Go to the toilet now, I don't want to have to keep stopping and starting while you lot walk around!
Where was I? Oh yes... Life was good, I had a job busting newbies and spammers in the SR Spam Police, I finally convinced Mystique to marry me, and my goatee was really growing well."
Mr Snuggly - Are you sure you won't stay and have another drink, Stryke?
Stryke - Na, I've gotta get back, Eastenders is on
Mr Snuggly - You're the best spam buster we have... Just so you know, if your family gets murdered and you go on a killing spree, you'll always have a job with us
Stryke - Ah, that's good to know
"I didn't like the way the show started. I had the best seat in the house, my own eyes. I strolled into my house, but something was wrong... I couldn't hear the TV."
Stryke - Mystique?
"And that's when I saw it. It was staring right at me, laughing at me, knowing I feared it. The word "SPAM" had been spray painted on my wall"
Stryke - Noooooo!
"The phone began to ring, without thinking I pulled the receiver to my head"
Stryke - Help! Someone's in my house, call 999, no, wait, 911!
Mysterious Person - Ah... Stryke. I'm sorry, I can't help you
"I didn't have time to worry about who it was, I let the phone drop and ran upstairs, where I could hear muffled voices. The quickest way to our bedroom was through the bathroom, so I ran in. The door into the next room was blocked. Panic set in as I heard gun shots. I forced myself back into the hallway, and ran down to the other door. As I reached for the handle the door was opened, smashing me in the jaw. Dazed, I looked up to see a stranger in my house"
Protoss - I have you now!
Stryke - Nooooo!
"I hadn't even realised I'd drawn my gun, I guess it was instinctive. All I knew was that he dropped to the floor, blood curdling from his mouth. The smoke from my gun made me feel ill, but I had to keep going. I ventured into the main bedroom, where I could hear Mystique's cries for help. Another figure was in the room."
Stryke - Who are you?!
Brew - Die!!!
"He was jacked up on spam, I could tell. His eyes were glazed over and he had that distant look in his eyes. I knew he'd been putting his word count up all day. I aimed for the head this time, firing round after round into his skull. What did I care, not like I had to clean it up or anything, that was Mystique's job... Mystique! I'd almost forgotten about her. I scanned the room like a man possessed until I located her. She lay on the bed, one hand on her stomach. I nudged it off to reveal a deep bullet wound."
Stryke - No, no, please, God, no!
"I felt sad and angry at the same time, my emotions tearing me up inside. One way I wanted to cry, another I wanted to put the gun to my own temple and join her. Finally I exploded."
Stryke - Noooooooooooo *pauses for breath* ooooooooooooooo!
"After that I didn't care anymore. I let my goatee grow wild and untamed, I bought the coolest looking leather jacket I could find and some nice looking trainers. With nothing to lose I didn't care anymore - I wanted to track down the spammers who'd done this. Mr Snuggly sent me deep undercover. I got a new alias, my GAD prizes were struck from the record and my wordcount set to zero. I was a newbie again."
Stryke - I've become my own worst enemy....
"I infiltrated the worst spamming family around, the Shaneo Connection as it was known. He had a thousand aliases and a thousand spammers working night and day for him. Even the SR staff couldn't touch him. Banning didn't do the job anymore, so there was only one way to do it - send someone in to destroy him from the inside. Mr Snuggly and Loki were the only people who knew my real identity. My new name was Stryke2, they'd never figure out who I was, as long as I talked in text speak and quoted everyone else's posts without adding anything. Three days ago I got a call from Loki, telling me to meet Snuggly at Roscoe Street Station. I didn't like it, why didn't Snuggly contact me himself? But Loki was my superior so I went along, making sure to take my Berretta just in case"
Stryke - Snuggly? You there?
"The homeless guy on the train had me spooked, I was glad to get off but I didn't feel any safer on the desolate platform of the station. Snuggly was nowhere to be seen, I got that uneasy feeling in my gut, I knew something was up (hey, when this sort of stuff happens often enough you get a good nose for it) I saw shotgun cartridges on the floor... Something was definitely up, no doubt there. I pushed the door by the shells open and walked down the short corridor. There were bullet holes in the walls, and more empty cartridges."
Stryke - Oh... God
"A train security officer lay in a pool of his own blood, my first reaction was not to vomit though, but to draw my gun in preparation for something unknown up ahead. I half walked half ran back to the main platform, where two thugs were now stood, gloating about their word counts. They made me even sicker than the corpse."
jc99041 - Hey, you!
"I dived forward, their freshly shot bullets barely skimmed my head, probably taking a few hairs with them. Before I'd even landed I'd popped off four rounds at the pair. One doubled over in pain, the other kept firing. I was quick to my feet, I knew if I stayed still I'd be a sitting duck. I rolled towards him, firing as soon as I landed back on my feet. He went down this time, but his friend was just starting to get back up"
Stryke - Later... dude
"I had no right to do what I did, there was no justifying it. I had handcuffs, I could've booked him and taken him down town. But that didn't feel right. Putting one between his eyes did. His body slumped to the ground, but I'd already taken up the flight of stairs"
Milenko - So, I had 65 posts, 2647 words, and this guy was like "Hey, you call yourself a spammer?" So I pistol whipped that mother lover! Ha!
"Their pointless babble only further enraged me. I could just see them from around the corner, but they would soon see me - I'd make sure of that. I dived out, firing blindly into what I knew would be a large group of spamming thugs. Two were caught in the back, the ones who were facing me were lucky enough to have them as human shields. But their luck was about to run out. Their dead comrades dropped like puppets who'd had their strings cut. Now their protection was gone, and as I scrambled to get back up, ready to fire again, their guns hadn't even left their holsters. Two gunshots later and there were two less spammers in the world.
I had to keep moving, I wanted to know where all these spammers had come from, and where Snuggly was. I knew he could handle himself but even he could only put up with so many GAD losers moaning. The corridors I was running down became a blur, I found another platform with yet more thugs loitering around, talking about totally un-topical subjects. My trigger had never seen such action. They fell one after another, one even cried out "spam forever" as he choked on his own blood. It brought a smile to my face, but only because of how tragic it was. He'd devoted his life to the annoyance of others, and it had cost him it. I came across a shaking security guard, I couldn't blame him, he'd just seen his friends shot to pieces by spamming scum."
Grix Thraves - Oh my God! Oh my God! They killed Sniper! They killed Sniper!
Stryke - Get a hold of yourself, man! Now, is there a phone we can use?
Grix Thraves - Uh... Yeah, up in the control room, if we get there we can call for help
Stryke - You got better all of a sudden
Grix Thraves - Yeah, well, life goes on... Come on, let's go, I haven't got all day!
"I led him upstairs, back the way I'd come. He punched his code into the machine and the doors whooshed open. Only there wasn't a phone awaiting us, there was a spammer"
Blazing Anton - What the?
"He blasted the guard before I'd even blinked, and the doors shut again, leaving me with another corpse."
Stryke - Well if you want something done right, do it yourself...
"I took a deep breath, slipped a new clip into my Beretta and pressed OPEN on the doors. With the code still entered they flew open, but the thug had already ran deeper into the control rooms. Feeling little relief at that fact, I stepped inside and headed for the next door in front of me. I could hear their worthless banter as I closed my eyes, stuck my arm around the corner and started blasting. A waste of ammo I know but rather that then sticking my head around the corner only to be greeted by a load of buckshot."
be-z-boy - Get behind him! Get down!
"They were shouting at each other over the sound of my gun. I'd run through five bullets... ten... fifteen... twenty... Suddenly the room was silent save for my repeating clicking as I kept pulling the trigger. I let the empty magazine slip out and slapped a fresh one in as quickly as I could. I walked into the room. There were smoking bodies everywhere, only one was still moving. He was crawling on his hands and knees, leaving a trail of blood staining the carpet. I kicked him and he rolled over."
Anwar - *cough* Who are you?
Stryke - I'm the delivery boy
Anwar - What?? That was pathetic! At least think of a good one before you blow me away!
Stryke - OK, OK, hang on... OK, got one
Anwar - Good, let's hear it
Stryke - See you in hell, spammer
Anwar - That's better
Stryke - Thank you
*bang*
Stryke - Appreciate it
"Right and wrong were out of the window, I was playing to win. I had to find Snuggly, find out where all these thugs had come from, and get out of this darn station. A button caught my eye, it had "main power" on it. Curious I flipped the protective cover and pressed it. The inspection train on the security monitor lit up like a light bulb. I'd passed it earlier, now with power maybe I could get out and find a phone. I headed back the way I'd come and saw the train, the engine running. Jumping in, I pushed the lever forward. Thank God for the idiot proof train controls. The train shuddered and slowly started inching forward. I was short on time, so urged the train faster and faster. To my horror, the headlights were now pointing at a wooden barrier blocking the entire tunnel, and this barrier was racing towards me. With no time to slow down or break, I just grabbed the controls and braced for impact. Thankfully the wood was old and rotting, and I ploughed right through it. However this was the end of the line for the train as the tracks stopped here. I brushed off the dust (didn't want anyone thinking I had dandruff) from my shoulders, shook out the cobwebs in my head and ventured out of the train and further down the tunnel. Almost immediately I heard a group of people nattering. Just to be sure I drew my gun and tip toed onwards. I came upon a gang of spammers, speaking so quickly and with such horrific grammar I couldn't keep up with what they were saying. There was only one language other than spam they understood, and that was guns. With mine in hand, I leapt out and started firing wildly into the crowd. In my haste I'd failed to notice the propane tanks by their feet, and as luck would have it, one of my sizzling shots ricocheted off, hitting the wall. But the damage had been done, the gas was leaking and a flame quickly engulfed the tank. Then it sprayed out in all directions, like an octopus stretching, reaching out everywhere."
Ghost Killer - Arrrggghhh!
"The thugs were quickly becoming a spam barbeque. I could've capped them all, put them out of their misery. But I'd rather watch them suffer. I smiled as they screamed and crumpled onto the floor like burning paper. Their screams went in one ear and out the other. I had no pity. They deserved it. Every last one of them...
I don't know how long I stood there watching them, but the flames were all but out by the time I strolled up the steps they'd been standing by. I pushed open the metal door and walked through, the blood of the spammers rust on my lips."
"I was in some old tunnels where the old train station had been. This place hadn't seen a duster since the '50s. But there were footprints on the floor, recent ones at that. Checking my gun was loaded, I proceeded on, trying to keep as alert as possible. I eventually found some sign of life in the dark halls - two spammers by a door."
bingbong - OK, get the detonators
Towelie - I went to get them but you should always take a towel
"The cracks were showing in the first spammer, he'd had enough of his partner. He saved me the effort by blowing him away with his shotgun. I made sure he joined him by jumping out from behind the crates I'd been peering at them over and capped him with a burst of fire. He looked me directly in the eye as he dropped to his knees, then flopped onto the ground, his face landing in the mud. I didn't give him a second thought, I was already eyeing up the door they'd been standing by. There was enough explosives on it to level a small army, pretty extreme just for a door. Without the detonators this door was staying put, so I carried on. Before I'd taken two steps a muffled explosion shook the room I was in, plaster falling all around me. The thugs obviously had more explosives, but why? Then it struck me - the bank! There was a bank with an underground vault right by Roscoe Street station, no wonder they were crawling all over that place, they were going for the money in the bank. I didn't care about the money, the moral obligations or the possible reward I'd get for stopping them, I just wanted to put as many of those scumbags six feet under as possible.
I came across a huge hole in the wall, with scorch marks all around it on the metal. I could hear them boasting about cheats which didn't exist from where I stood, so I carefully stepped into the vast opening. An alarm had been sounding for some time now but I only heard it at this moment. I spotted someone in the room ahead of me, packing a shotgun, a cold glare in his eyes. I exhaled deeply, the sound of the alarm drowning out any noise I could've made to reveal myself, and then started running towards the door. Gathering speed, before I knew it I was in the room, shot at with various exclamations of utter confusion."
Seinfeld_Enthusiast - What the?
Lodge - Hey!
"I dived forward, and everything became a blur. I just saw figures and shot them. Everything was a potential spammer, a potential target. The bodies hit the floor one by one and I eventually came to my senses, lying on the floor with two smoking guns in my hands. I'd unloaded all twenty shots from each gun, and as I got to my knees I scanned the room, there was only five or six corpses, but each one had at least five shots embedded in their chests. They'd barely capped off one round between them, lucky me I guess. Gathering myself I reloaded and pressed the button on the door which had "Main Vaults" written above it. The door slid open and suddenly I had ten spammers pointing guns at me."
Stryke - Sorry, wrong room
"I mashed the buttons with my fingers, praying I'd hit the one to close the door before I was cut to pieces by gunfire. It flew shut and I heard several shots ping off it on the other side. They could open the door at any time, so I had to think fast. I sighted a shotgun in the hands of the still warm body by my feet, so I plucked it out of his grasp and cocked it. I'd have to take the fight to them if I was to stand any chance. I closed my eyes, and banged the buttons with my fist, opening the door. As I felt the air whoosh past my face, my eyes shot open just in time to see them start shooting. They'd all taken refuge behind the various desks and filing cabinets scattered around the room. I was dead meat, I knew it, but reactions took over my consciousness and I rolled forward, firing the huge gun in my arms as soon as I was back on my feet. It peppered the nearest blockade two or three spammers were hiding behind, and they all ducked for cover. Pumping the shotgun, I swung around and took aim at a lone thug standing by a potted plant. I sent him smashing into the wall as the buckshot found a new home in his chest and stomach. I was now in the middle of the room, somewhere I really shouldn't be, so I dived to my right, taking out another thug with an almighty blast from my gun. He crashed into the thug behind him, who fell over and struggled to push his dead comrade off him. The thugs who had taken cover were now back up, taking pot shots at me as I ran towards the nearest desk. I leapt over it, hitting the wall. I felt like I'd broken my leg, but the adrenaline blocked out the pain. Sticking the gun around the side of the desk I let off a barrage of shots in the general direction of the largest group of spammers. I'd been counting and I only had two shells left now. They stopped firing and I heard them ordering each other around."
Mama Lazarou - You, go round, you, flank him. Move!
"I only had a few seconds before two thugs came up on either side of me and turned me into Swiss cheese, so I stood up and let two blasts off at the two approaching spammers. Before they'd even hit the ground I'd ducked back down, narrowly missing a spray of fire. I tossed the now empty shotgun to the floor and drew my two Berettas. I blew on each of the barrels and thrust them both over the top of the desk, emptying their magazines into what I hoped would be a group of spammers. By my guess there was about four of them left, maybe five. I realised the room had got a little quieter, and that was because both my guns were empty. Now I had a dilemma, as it would take me several seconds to slap in two new clips, and in that time they could be on me and I'd soon be in a box somewhere. My mind raced through all the possible solutions in a micro-second. I decided to make a break for it, to try and grab a now owner-less gun from the floor. I threw one of my Berettas over the desk, hoping to create a diversion, then I hopped over the desk and sprinted to the right side of the room. I ran my hands over the floor as I went, hoping they would catch on a gun. After what seemed an eternity I felt the cold grip of a pistol in my right hand, and spun around, squeezing the trigger. It was a Desert Eagle, and packed a punch. One of my shots managed to wing one of the spammers, putting him momentarily out of action as he clutched his shoulder. The tables had turned now, as now it was the spammers who were in the centre of the room and I was behind a turned over filing cabinet. I ran through the five remaining bullets in my newly acquired gun, which took out two of them. There was now two healthy thugs and one on the floor, screaming in agony. I threw the empty hand cannon at them and ducked down, praying that I would have time to reload my remaining Beretta before they realised what I was doing. I fumbled with the clip, until I finally heard the click which let me know it was ready to fire. I'd have to be more careful, this was my last magazine and was probably half empty anyway. I chanced a peek over the cabinet and saw them all clearly. One was torn between shooting at me and checking on his injured friend while the other was busy reloading. As he dropped the magazine by accident and bent down to pick it up, I made my move. I jumped forward, using the cabinet as a platform to push myself off. The first two rounds I squeezed off took care of the one shooting at me, the next few dealt with the other as he finally finished reloading and was about to get back to trying to ventilate me. I landed hard on the floor, but quickly got back up. The spammer I'd winged earlier was still on the floor, squeezing his shoulder and wincing in pain. I raised my gun so it was level with his head."
smokey - You'll never get away with this, Stryke, we know you're a cop
Stryke - Don't worry about it, it's not your problem
"He shut his eyes as my bullet sailed through the air towards it's destination - his forehead. He sputtered a bit then his head dropped and he was gone. My ears were ringing and the pain in my leg suddenly kicked in, spreading a grimace across my face. The phone was ringing, and had probably been doing so for the last few minutes. I limped over and answered, hoping to get some answers as to what the heck was going on."
Hybrid Valves - Give yourselves up, we have the building surrounded
Stryke - Who is this?
Hybrid Valves - Deputy Chief Hybrid Valves - Spam Division
Stryke - Oh great (!)
"I hung up. I'd been framed. Instead of meeting Snuggly I'd been planted right slap bang in the middle of a huge bank heist. This was no coincidence. I had to get out of this bank and find out what was going on before a heavily armed SWAT team came in to shoot first, shoot later and when everyone was dead - ask questions. I nearly tripped over a bag among the spent bullet cases as I started walking. I brushed aside some of the rubble and unzipped it. Inside was enough TNT to put a whole in the Earth, and some detonators. I could use these to blow the door I'd passed earlier, I'm sure it was an exit since they'd already broken into the vault. Chances are it would lead back to Roscoe Street station. It was worth a try. I ran as fast as my injured leg would allow back the way I came, set the detonators onto the door and took cover. One monumental explosion later and I had my exit. As I walked through the smoke, falling rubble bounced off my shoulders. Just as I had thought, I was in Roscoe Street station. I'd just started to relax when someone shouted at me."
Mr Snuggly - Freeze!
"It was Snuggly, on the other side of the security barrier."
Mr Snuggly - Oh, it's you Stryke. You nearly gave me a heart attack! I almost shot you! Man, you look like heck
Stryke - It's a set up, Snuggly... Can you get around this thing?
Mr Snuggly - I haven't seen a way, we may have to meet outside
Stryke - Darn! This is Shaneo's doing, his spammers are all over the place!
Mr Snuggly - This is Shaneo's doing, Shaneo's men? Really?
"Those were his last years before his head was sent into the wall with a loud and sickening thud. A lone bullet had soared through the air towards him and now he was sliding down the wall, a distant look in his eyes."
Stryke - Snuggly? Snuggly!
"He was dead, there was nothing I could do. A puddle started to form around him as he lay in a crumpled pile on the floor. I gripped the metal bars and stared down on him. He had kept me relatively sane during my time undercover, and now he was gone. Just as a tear started to roll down my cheek, the silence was interrupted by a blast of gunfire aimed in my direction. I dropped and spun around, drawing my gun as I did so. I was filled with a rage not felt since Mystique had been taken away from me. I emptied the remainder of my magazine into the two spammers behind me and grabbed their guns, sliding one into my holster and the other into my jacket pocket. I noticed some stairs, the only way out save for going back into the bank, so I limped up, hoping to find some spamming thugs to take my anger out on. I wouldn't be disappointed. No sooner had I reached the top of the staircase then a small group of spammers appeared, talking about the police sirens outside."
blahpro - Let's get out of here! I'm not sticking around for the cops to bust their way in!
"He'd barely finished his sentence before I'd drawn my gun and started unloading into the group. The one I hit in the stomach dropped to his knees, squirming in discomfort. The other two drew their guns and started blasting away, but I was too quick. I'd already started firing again, and I pinned one to the wall with my bullets. As he dropped to the floor, another two shots sent his friend along with him on the trip to the morgue. I searched them for any magazines and ran up to the next level, the huge "EXIT" sign drawing me in. Finally, I'd found a way out of this station of death. I just prayed there wasn't a large number of armed police awaiting me when I got out. Luckily the only thing to meet me as I ran up the final set of stairs was the blistering cold. Now I wanted revenge, and the best way was heading to the hotel Shaneo and his cronies frequented. I slapped in a new magazine and started the walk there, my thoughts lingering on Snuggly and, for the first time in years, Mystique."
To be continued...
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I don't think Stryke's ego could get any bigger, so this won't hurt, heh
I wasn't gonna read it cos its soooo long but then I saw my name...I'll give it a read in a second.
and do you really have to give Stryke more reasons to boost his ego?
and do you really have to give Stryke more reasons to boost his ego?
Heh, don't worry, I don't think I've insulted anyone in it yet, not even Stryke! (being that he is the hero)
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> Well considering your wordcount and the amount of time you spend in
> the PS2 longest thread, you may be a head spammer (a regular who
> spams) in the spoof
>
> So, devastating for you ;)
My high word count is the result of good quality posts
But I agree that participation in the PS1-PS2 longest thread does incriminate me, so do your worse!
Actually...er...go easy on me, ok? I'm a sensitive soul
:D
> Well considering your wordcount and the amount of time you spend in
> the PS2 longest thread, you may be a head spammer (a regular who
> spams) in the spoof
>
> So, devastating for you ;)
My high word count is the result of good quality posts
But I agree that participation in the PS1-PS2 longest thread does incriminate me, so do your worse!
Actually...er...go easy on me, ok? I'm a sensitive soul
:D
Well considering your wordcount and the amount of time you spend in the PS2 longest thread, you may be a head spammer (a regular who spams) in the spoof
So, devastating for you ;)
So, devastating for you ;)
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> RM18 wrote:
> Nice one again MoJoJoJo, but when am I gonna be in your spoofs?
>
> :)
>
> ---------
>
> Don't worry, you, along with a LOT of other people, will be in the
> next chapters
I don't mind as long as I'm not a spammer, because then I will take you to court for defemation of character
> RM18 wrote:
> Nice one again MoJoJoJo, but when am I gonna be in your spoofs?
>
> :)
>
> ---------
>
> Don't worry, you, along with a LOT of other people, will be in the
> next chapters
I don't mind as long as I'm not a spammer, because then I will take you to court for defemation of character
An HOUR after it was posted I got a reply... Now that's CRAZY! Heh
Thanks
RM18 wrote:
> Nice one again MoJoJoJo, but when am I gonna be in your spoofs?
>
> :)
---------
Don't worry, you, along with a LOT of other people, will be in the next chapters
> Nice one again MoJoJoJo, but when am I gonna be in your spoofs?
>
> :)
---------
Don't worry, you, along with a LOT of other people, will be in the next chapters
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