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"Survival of the fittest."

"Hello. Welcome to the ultimate Survival show. Three contestants will be representing their console in a three day "winner takes all" type contest. They will start off in "The Woods of gaming", then they will move to "Lake Console" before finally reaching the "Megabyte fight arena" where they will determine who wins. Let's go meet our contestants."

"Hello. Itsa me, Mario. I ama representing Nintendo ina what will bea the bestest fight ever. Mya main strategies are to puncha, kick and flipa myself into the leada. Theya gonna not knowa whatta hitter dem!"

"That's all very well, but that is only going to be useful in the final fight. How are you going to survive in the woods and by a lake by fighting?"

"Itsa simple. Peach cana cook me cakes and Toad cana catch me soma fish."

"No, I think you are missing the point. You are alone, and will not see anyone until the final day when you fight. It is essential to eat to keep your energy levels high, but you need to find food ON YOUR OWN."

"What? No Peach? I knowa! I canna catch Lizard's bya swingin dem round bya their tails! And I can catch bigga fish with my metal cap!"

"Metal cap? What Metal cap? You can only use the local resources to catch fish, and there are no lizards in the woods."

"Whatta about magic mushrooms?"

"Yes, there are mushrooms but they are by no-means magic."

"Thena it isa settled. I can eatta mushrooms."

"Right. That's it. I cannot be bothered to explain any more about the rules Mario. You will go into those woods right now, and start to build a shelter."

Mario then goes off into the woods, and immediately ruins into a tree.

"God help that plumber. Let's meet our next contestant."

"My name is Solid Snake. I am representing SONY. You had better drop your dog tag before I shoot you in the head with my USP! I will survive in the woods by killing the animals with my various weapons. I will find shelter in a cardboard box and will can survive by eating rations."

"Dog tag? Why would an over-paid presenter carry a dog tag? I am not reporting in Afghanistan, you know. The only weapons you will have are your knowledge and wisdom, and as for the cardboard box and the rations, well, as I said to that fat plumber, you have to find the food for yourself."

"Damn. I was hoping I would get to try out my new Sniper rifle on a deer."

"O.K Solid Snake. See you in three days at the Megabyte arena."

Snake walks off into the woods, grabs a stick, and sneaks up behind a rabbit. He than shouts, "Freeze!" Amazingly, the rabbit runs off.

"Make-up! Oh, were back on. Err… Let's meet our last contestant."

"My name is 'Master Chief'. I am Earth's final hope. I will use my weapons to kill the evil aliens, and save the planet. I am here because Bill Gates said that I am his only hope"

"Earth's final hope? Evil aliens? Have you been eating those 'Magic mushrooms' that Mario was talking about?

"Magic mushrooms? Bah, all the mushrooms in the world couldn't save Mario, or that Snake fella now!"

"O.K Mr. Earth's final hope, go get started in the woods"

'Master Chief' walks off and starts looking for Aliens.

"All three contestants will have no contact with the outside world for two days, until they meet in the Megabyte arena. We have planted secret cameras on them to see if there is no cheating. They have exactly 1 day until they go to the lake. Let's go to the live coverage of Mario."


"Mushrooms, where are youa? Hello? Am I all alona? Mya head isa killinga me! Stupida tree! Who hasa a tree ina wood?? Oh well, I willa just have to wait till tomorrow for soma fish to eata. I cana sleep on thisa log."

Mario goes to sleep on a log, until he is woken up by a tingling feeling in his moustache.

"Heya, whata you doing in mya moustache! Stupida termites! Waita jussa a minute! I cana eat dem! "

Mario starts to eat termites. 10 hours later, a full Mario goes to sleep again, this time, in a hollow tree.

"14 hoursa to go, goodnight peach, whereevera you are."

"Awwww, Mario loves his peach, er.., I mean, Princess Peach. Let's go live to Snake, who has already killed a badger, and has built a shelter."

"This badger meat is good, better than those blimmin' rations. Otacon, can you hear me? Damn, I got to stop doing that. Natural reaction, I have to focus on staying alive in these woods."

"Who would have thought? A snake eating a badger. This show is full of surprises. Let's see how 'Master Chief' is getting on. Well, that's strange. It seems 'Master Chief' has found the hidden camera and destroyed it. We will have to hide another one by the lake for tomorrows round.

The next day.

"Hello. The contestants are moving to the lake today. They will have to change their strategies to survive here. We have no idea how 'Master Chief' is getting on, but it seems, from what we know, that Snake is winning. Mario may have the upper edge today, as he has already had many years of swimming experience. Mario has arrived at his destination, let's go over to him now."

"Fishies. I lova my fishies. I can usea soma of da termite's lefta ina my moustache asa bait. I hata does woods, and does trees. Stupida trees."

"Well folks, we now know that Mario loves Fish, and that he hates trees. How will this help him to survive by the lake? Now, let's see how Snake is doing."

"Good job I saved some of that badger meat. I can't fish to save my life. I know they are laughing at me right now. Stop it! You are all evil fish, you know that! Get a grip Snake! You need to concentrate on the mission."

"Apparently, the fish are taunting Snake. He will have to concentrate if he wants to fight at his best tomorrow. Hopefully, we will get some coverage of that 'Master Chief' guy. What? He found it again? Who are you guys? Can't you even keep a secret camera, secret? I need a holiday. See you all tomorrow, when we have the conclusive fight."

The final day.

"Welcome to the Megabyte fight arena. The contestants have been out in the wild for two days, let's hope they are prepared for the fight. Here they come."

All three contestants walk into the arena. Snake keeps giving Mario evil looks. 'Master Chief' is preparing himself. Mario is running around in circles complaining that he still ahs termites in his moustache. The bell dings, and they start to fight. Snake immediately hits Mario in the chest with a succession of rapid punches. Luckily for Mario, his fat gives him protection from the punches. 'Master Chief' continues to gaze upon his opponents. Mario then pulls out a mushroom and eats it. He grows to a phenomenal size and starts to tread all over Snake and 'Master Chief' Snake is hurt badly, and decides to forfeit. 'Master Chief' gets up, pulls out a very large gun and shoots Mario. He falls on the floor. The crowd boos 'Master Chief'. Suddenly, 'Master Chief' faints, due to lack of aliens.

"What a shock! It seems Mario and 'Master Chief' are both knocked out. Whoever gets up first is the winner."

A cake flies through the air and hits Mario. He wakes up, eats the cake, and starts to kick 'Master Chief'. 'Master Chief' wakes up and forfeits. Mario wins.

"Well, that's it. Mario wins, but only just. He receives his prize, a water cannon."

"Thank-you very mucha!"

Thanks for reading. I hope it is as much fun to read as it was to write.

Microchips.

Excellent stuff Microchips!

:)

Thnaks Boss pac-man.

Thanks BIGMAN. Please can some more people read this. I know I don't have a good reputation because I am fairly new, but that is no reason to ignore my posts.

very very funny. stupid trees. i agree with the guy down the bottom who says thatr that shows how much better we can imnagine mario over snake running around in circles saying," my moustashe is full of termites!" mainly cos i didn't know snake had any moustashe to speak of. this is on or above par with the likes of monday night on BB!

'Survival of the fittest' as recommended by the BIGMAN !

By the way Neo, I don't think you should be banned. So do many other people.

Thanks.

good post there Microchips, very interesting to read.

Seinfeld_Enthusiast wrote:
> No, Sheldon my alter-ego. He sends his regards.
Err... thanks, I suppose.
;)

No, Sheldon my alter-ego. He sends his regards.