Viewing Thread:
"Did you watch Titanic?"

Then you're a big fairy.
Sorry, but it's true.
You love DeCaprio and want him to mash his 12yr old lips into yours and say "I've wanted this since I 1st saw you, you big hunk of man-love".

This is a chick-flick of the highest calibre, and a bad one at that.
Cameron "I want to make a movie about the Titanic"
Studio "Cool, you rock with technical pulse-pounding movies"
Cameron "I want a 2hr love story and some Oirish people"
Studio "Ok, and then boat sinks!"
Cameron "I want an Upstairs Downstairs drama. With Oirish"
Studio "But you are an action director!"
Cameron "I am king of the world!"
Studio "Oh christ..."

So you have a 3hr movie about a boat that sinks.
And some rubbish love story and a rubbish class-struggle thing that numbs and insults everyone.
The following is how to break 3hrs of flouncy crap into a 2 minute read:

"I am Rose Dewittybukakke and I feel oppressed"
"I am Billy Zane and I am evil...mwahahaha"
"I am DeCaprio. Effete and lower class. May I paint you nude?"
"Certainly. Oh this is so much better than being rich"
"I'm your mum Rose, we need the money you selfish cow"
"But I love De Caprio, he is poor and noble, not like Zane"
"Mwahahahaha"
"See? Let us kiss Leonardo De Caprio"
"Can I paint you nude?"
Audience: "Paint her nude! Go on!"

He does so
Audience: "Yeah! T**s!"

"Now we must dance with Oirish folk DeCaprio!"
"Ok"
"Ar begorrah! Look at meh red hair! Oi'm Oirish!"
"Oirish folk are noble and kind, not like Zane who is upper-class and evil"
"Mwahahaha"
"Come Rose, now we must get it on in a car"
"But you're 12 De Caprio"

Audience: "Yeah! More tits!"
There aren't.

"Now kiss me Rose on the bow and the look-out will watch us and miss a massive iceberg"
"Phwoar, look at those two!...damn, an iceberg"

The boat starts to sink.
This takes an hour

"I will never let you go De Caprio"
She pushes his frozen body off the raft

Audience "She let him go!"
Women in audience "Ahhhh"
Men in audience "I'm going to sick, you better put out tonight, I sat through this for some skin"

"Now I will throw this priceless diamond and only memento in the sea!"

Audience "Hang on a minute, she screwed her family over by not marrying evil Billy Zane. She caused the ship to sink by distracting the look-out. She pushed De Caprio into sea after promising she would never let him go, and now she throws the jewel into sea instead of giving it to that dude who's been spending his life looking for it? What a selfish b***h!"

James Cameron "I'm king of the world!"

THE END
---

And that's *exactly* how this film is.

LOL! Excellent. I particularly love your classification of good ol' Billy Zane.

LOL LOL LOL LOL i agree with every thing badger siad except teh rosemary bit

I think that this deserves a great big LOL

I laughed all the way through it.

The most funniest part has to be the summary of Rosemary.

That is the funniest thing I have read all day :-)

You seem to have a remarkably clear memory of the film... you wouldn't have happened to watch it yourself by any chance?

Then you're a big fairy.
Sorry, but it's true.
You love DeCaprio and want him to mash his 12yr old lips into yours and say "I've wanted this since I 1st saw you, you big hunk of man-love".

This is a chick-flick of the highest calibre, and a bad one at that.
Cameron "I want to make a movie about the Titanic"
Studio "Cool, you rock with technical pulse-pounding movies"
Cameron "I want a 2hr love story and some Oirish people"
Studio "Ok, and then boat sinks!"
Cameron "I want an Upstairs Downstairs drama. With Oirish"
Studio "But you are an action director!"
Cameron "I am king of the world!"
Studio "Oh christ..."

So you have a 3hr movie about a boat that sinks.
And some rubbish love story and a rubbish class-struggle thing that numbs and insults everyone.
The following is how to break 3hrs of flouncy crap into a 2 minute read:

"I am Rose Dewittybukakke and I feel oppressed"
"I am Billy Zane and I am evil...mwahahaha"
"I am DeCaprio. Effete and lower class. May I paint you nude?"
"Certainly. Oh this is so much better than being rich"
"I'm your mum Rose, we need the money you selfish cow"
"But I love De Caprio, he is poor and noble, not like Zane"
"Mwahahahaha"
"See? Let us kiss Leonardo De Caprio"
"Can I paint you nude?"
Audience: "Paint her nude! Go on!"

He does so
Audience: "Yeah! T**s!"

"Now we must dance with Oirish folk DeCaprio!"
"Ok"
"Ar begorrah! Look at meh red hair! Oi'm Oirish!"
"Oirish folk are noble and kind, not like Zane who is upper-class and evil"
"Mwahahaha"
"Come Rose, now we must get it on in a car"
"But you're 12 De Caprio"

Audience: "Yeah! More tits!"
There aren't.

"Now kiss me Rose on the bow and the look-out will watch us and miss a massive iceberg"
"Phwoar, look at those two!...damn, an iceberg"

The boat starts to sink.
This takes an hour

"I will never let you go De Caprio"
She pushes his frozen body off the raft

Audience "She let him go!"
Women in audience "Ahhhh"
Men in audience "I'm going to sick, you better put out tonight, I sat through this for some skin"

"Now I will throw this priceless diamond and only memento in the sea!"

Audience "Hang on a minute, she screwed her family over by not marrying evil Billy Zane. She caused the ship to sink by distracting the look-out. She pushed De Caprio into sea after promising she would never let him go, and now she throws the jewel into sea instead of giving it to that dude who's been spending his life looking for it? What a selfish b***h!"

James Cameron "I'm king of the world!"

THE END
---

And that's *exactly* how this film is.