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Then you're a big fairy.
Sorry, but it's true.
You love DeCaprio and want him to mash his 12yr old lips into yours and say "I've wanted this since I 1st saw you, you big hunk of man-love".
This is a chick-flick of the highest calibre, and a bad one at that.
Cameron "I want to make a movie about the Titanic"
Studio "Cool, you rock with technical pulse-pounding movies"
Cameron "I want a 2hr love story and some Oirish people"
Studio "Ok, and then boat sinks!"
Cameron "I want an Upstairs Downstairs drama. With Oirish"
Studio "But you are an action director!"
Cameron "I am king of the world!"
Studio "Oh christ..."
So you have a 3hr movie about a boat that sinks.
And some rubbish love story and a rubbish class-struggle thing that numbs and insults everyone.
The following is how to break 3hrs of flouncy crap into a 2 minute read:
"I am Rose Dewittybukakke and I feel oppressed"
"I am Billy Zane and I am evil...mwahahaha"
"I am DeCaprio. Effete and lower class. May I paint you nude?"
"Certainly. Oh this is so much better than being rich"
"I'm your mum Rose, we need the money you selfish cow"
"But I love De Caprio, he is poor and noble, not like Zane"
"Mwahahahaha"
"See? Let us kiss Leonardo De Caprio"
"Can I paint you nude?"
Audience: "Paint her nude! Go on!"
He does so
Audience: "Yeah! T**s!"
"Now we must dance with Oirish folk DeCaprio!"
"Ok"
"Ar begorrah! Look at meh red hair! Oi'm Oirish!"
"Oirish folk are noble and kind, not like Zane who is upper-class and evil"
"Mwahahaha"
"Come Rose, now we must get it on in a car"
"But you're 12 De Caprio"
Audience: "Yeah! More tits!"
There aren't.
"Now kiss me Rose on the bow and the look-out will watch us and miss a massive iceberg"
"Phwoar, look at those two!...damn, an iceberg"
The boat starts to sink.
This takes an hour
"I will never let you go De Caprio"
She pushes his frozen body off the raft
Audience "She let him go!"
Women in audience "Ahhhh"
Men in audience "I'm going to sick, you better put out tonight, I sat through this for some skin"
"Now I will throw this priceless diamond and only memento in the sea!"
Audience "Hang on a minute, she screwed her family over by not marrying evil Billy Zane. She caused the ship to sink by distracting the look-out. She pushed De Caprio into sea after promising she would never let him go, and now she throws the jewel into sea instead of giving it to that dude who's been spending his life looking for it? What a selfish b***h!"
James Cameron "I'm king of the world!"
THE END
---
And that's *exactly* how this film is.
Sorry, but it's true.
You love DeCaprio and want him to mash his 12yr old lips into yours and say "I've wanted this since I 1st saw you, you big hunk of man-love".
This is a chick-flick of the highest calibre, and a bad one at that.
Cameron "I want to make a movie about the Titanic"
Studio "Cool, you rock with technical pulse-pounding movies"
Cameron "I want a 2hr love story and some Oirish people"
Studio "Ok, and then boat sinks!"
Cameron "I want an Upstairs Downstairs drama. With Oirish"
Studio "But you are an action director!"
Cameron "I am king of the world!"
Studio "Oh christ..."
So you have a 3hr movie about a boat that sinks.
And some rubbish love story and a rubbish class-struggle thing that numbs and insults everyone.
The following is how to break 3hrs of flouncy crap into a 2 minute read:
"I am Rose Dewittybukakke and I feel oppressed"
"I am Billy Zane and I am evil...mwahahaha"
"I am DeCaprio. Effete and lower class. May I paint you nude?"
"Certainly. Oh this is so much better than being rich"
"I'm your mum Rose, we need the money you selfish cow"
"But I love De Caprio, he is poor and noble, not like Zane"
"Mwahahahaha"
"See? Let us kiss Leonardo De Caprio"
"Can I paint you nude?"
Audience: "Paint her nude! Go on!"
He does so
Audience: "Yeah! T**s!"
"Now we must dance with Oirish folk DeCaprio!"
"Ok"
"Ar begorrah! Look at meh red hair! Oi'm Oirish!"
"Oirish folk are noble and kind, not like Zane who is upper-class and evil"
"Mwahahaha"
"Come Rose, now we must get it on in a car"
"But you're 12 De Caprio"
Audience: "Yeah! More tits!"
There aren't.
"Now kiss me Rose on the bow and the look-out will watch us and miss a massive iceberg"
"Phwoar, look at those two!...damn, an iceberg"
The boat starts to sink.
This takes an hour
"I will never let you go De Caprio"
She pushes his frozen body off the raft
Audience "She let him go!"
Women in audience "Ahhhh"
Men in audience "I'm going to sick, you better put out tonight, I sat through this for some skin"
"Now I will throw this priceless diamond and only memento in the sea!"
Audience "Hang on a minute, she screwed her family over by not marrying evil Billy Zane. She caused the ship to sink by distracting the look-out. She pushed De Caprio into sea after promising she would never let him go, and now she throws the jewel into sea instead of giving it to that dude who's been spending his life looking for it? What a selfish b***h!"
James Cameron "I'm king of the world!"
THE END
---
And that's *exactly* how this film is.
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Okay it isn't actually that bad!
In fact, it's pretty good. There, I've said it.
Di Caprio may be a 12 year old retard and Kate Winslet may not be able to say 'Jack' without an immense struggle, but it's still good. And James Cameron is king!
Jyyyyyack....
In fact, it's pretty good. There, I've said it.
Di Caprio may be a 12 year old retard and Kate Winslet may not be able to say 'Jack' without an immense struggle, but it's still good. And James Cameron is king!
Jyyyyyack....
Retardo DiCraprio...
This film makes all the halloween squels lokk like huge blockbusters. It also make nightmare on elm street 5 look half way decent. Or i'm i going to far?
Titanic is such a bad film. I watched it when it first came out all those years ago.
I am a big fairy though, as I gave it another chance when it was on a couple of days ago. However, I just found it histerically funny watching all those people fly about the ship when it was at ninty degrees, me and my older brother were crying with laughter.
And DiCrapio died. Everything was swell.
I am a big fairy though, as I gave it another chance when it was on a couple of days ago. However, I just found it histerically funny watching all those people fly about the ship when it was at ninty degrees, me and my older brother were crying with laughter.
And DiCrapio died. Everything was swell.
LOL!
You should submit that to that website thingy which I've totally forgotten the address to... it's the one YH always goes on about :-D
You should submit that to that website thingy which I've totally forgotten the address to... it's the one YH always goes on about :-D
Oirish, hoho.
*Nicked for tag*
*Nicked for tag*
A5hley wrote:
> i bet this post sinks without a trace
Was that a pun? :-)
> i bet this post sinks without a trace
Was that a pun? :-)
i bet this post sinks without a trace
Goatboy wrote:
and now she throws the jewel into
> sea instead of giving it to that dude who's been spending his life looking for
> it? What a selfish b***h!"
EXCUSE ME!!! Dude? DUDE?!?!? If you're talking about who I think you're talking about then he is not dude!! He is 'that guy cracks me up'. Bill Paxton rules in everything!
"And that makes you.......my new best friend!"
Great line but only because it was said by 'that guy cracks me up'.
And while we (or I anyway) are on the topic of Bill Paxton, who thinks that he should have taken that role in True Lies? Sure, it boosted his career but after that he could never be taken seriously again and was always seen in that role. Basically, he plays a f****t in everything.
Well done Denzel and Halle!!! Unlucky Maggie! Haha Russell!
Oh and one last message. Travolta, you've lost a hell of a lot of wait. Unfortunately, you're still a t**t! :-D
and now she throws the jewel into
> sea instead of giving it to that dude who's been spending his life looking for
> it? What a selfish b***h!"
EXCUSE ME!!! Dude? DUDE?!?!? If you're talking about who I think you're talking about then he is not dude!! He is 'that guy cracks me up'. Bill Paxton rules in everything!
"And that makes you.......my new best friend!"
Great line but only because it was said by 'that guy cracks me up'.
And while we (or I anyway) are on the topic of Bill Paxton, who thinks that he should have taken that role in True Lies? Sure, it boosted his career but after that he could never be taken seriously again and was always seen in that role. Basically, he plays a f****t in everything.
Well done Denzel and Halle!!! Unlucky Maggie! Haha Russell!
Oh and one last message. Travolta, you've lost a hell of a lot of wait. Unfortunately, you're still a t**t! :-D
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