The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Chores of work, they disturb us all,
hense why we do, but we feel so tall,
everyone else seems to wade through the sludge
counting and checking the minds with a grudge
kill them? No, but to be sure, we can run.
The boy laid his head, speak easy child,
he stumbled and grew, his mind defiled,
everyone talks, but how many listen?
With a skip and a hop the man travelled, further to come,
either we're dead, or we haven't begun
because of them, we lie in ruins.
Dead on arrival, caused by the fear,
easy child easy, calm down my dear,
speak quitely, and sit with a smile,
it'll all be over, it'll all be worthwhile,
go tell the others, be fearful to yell,
not everyone should know, make sure who you tell.
For a paragraph away lies the key close on nigh
off from the front, a low place is high,
read the words carefully, make a place in your mind,
understand the flaws, don't be left behind,
make sure you know, and all shall be told.
hense why we do, but we feel so tall,
everyone else seems to wade through the sludge
counting and checking the minds with a grudge
kill them? No, but to be sure, we can run.
The boy laid his head, speak easy child,
he stumbled and grew, his mind defiled,
everyone talks, but how many listen?
With a skip and a hop the man travelled, further to come,
either we're dead, or we haven't begun
because of them, we lie in ruins.
Dead on arrival, caused by the fear,
easy child easy, calm down my dear,
speak quitely, and sit with a smile,
it'll all be over, it'll all be worthwhile,
go tell the others, be fearful to yell,
not everyone should know, make sure who you tell.
For a paragraph away lies the key close on nigh
off from the front, a low place is high,
read the words carefully, make a place in your mind,
understand the flaws, don't be left behind,
make sure you know, and all shall be told.
Page:
Oh yeah. "Whoops! I forgot to put it in "Your Words" again, naughty, naughty me."
Hee hee.
Hee hee.
Thanks for that. That's the first poem I've wrote since my pre-GCSE years, I don't DO poetry. :0)
Still, practise makes perfect.
Still, practise makes perfect.
I like it :-)
The only problem for me is the rhyming, which isn't a major flaw. The problem with rhyming couplets is that they almost always make something sound happy and skippy, when it's not always meant to be. You can get round it by using run-on lines to hide the rhymes, or using subtle rhymes that don't end up having the emphasis of the line placed on them. It does work really well in the penultimate stanza though, because it pushes along the rythmn really well.
I'm no literary critic extraordinaire though.
I really like the poem. Mine are much worse :-)
I think there are two of them in the your words thread near the beginning.
The only problem for me is the rhyming, which isn't a major flaw. The problem with rhyming couplets is that they almost always make something sound happy and skippy, when it's not always meant to be. You can get round it by using run-on lines to hide the rhymes, or using subtle rhymes that don't end up having the emphasis of the line placed on them. It does work really well in the penultimate stanza though, because it pushes along the rythmn really well.
I'm no literary critic extraordinaire though.
I really like the poem. Mine are much worse :-)
I think there are two of them in the your words thread near the beginning.
I'm soooooooooooooo confused ;-D
Nice poem, a little confusing, but still, good 'little' poem
Chores of work, they disturb us all,
hense why we do, but we feel so tall,
everyone else seems to wade through the sludge
counting and checking the minds with a grudge
kill them? No, but to be sure, we can run.
The boy laid his head, speak easy child,
he stumbled and grew, his mind defiled,
everyone talks, but how many listen?
With a skip and a hop the man travelled, further to come,
either we're dead, or we haven't begun
because of them, we lie in ruins.
Dead on arrival, caused by the fear,
easy child easy, calm down my dear,
speak quitely, and sit with a smile,
it'll all be over, it'll all be worthwhile,
go tell the others, be fearful to yell,
not everyone should know, make sure who you tell.
For a paragraph away lies the key close on nigh
off from the front, a low place is high,
read the words carefully, make a place in your mind,
understand the flaws, don't be left behind,
make sure you know, and all shall be told.
hense why we do, but we feel so tall,
everyone else seems to wade through the sludge
counting and checking the minds with a grudge
kill them? No, but to be sure, we can run.
The boy laid his head, speak easy child,
he stumbled and grew, his mind defiled,
everyone talks, but how many listen?
With a skip and a hop the man travelled, further to come,
either we're dead, or we haven't begun
because of them, we lie in ruins.
Dead on arrival, caused by the fear,
easy child easy, calm down my dear,
speak quitely, and sit with a smile,
it'll all be over, it'll all be worthwhile,
go tell the others, be fearful to yell,
not everyone should know, make sure who you tell.
For a paragraph away lies the key close on nigh
off from the front, a low place is high,
read the words carefully, make a place in your mind,
understand the flaws, don't be left behind,
make sure you know, and all shall be told.
Page: