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[Enter Tribute looks down barrel of gun and shoots a few blanks after a while he throws the gun at the camera and the screen is engulfed in red]
Scene 1
Gerrid is walking through a dark street when suddenly he is grabbed and taken in to a car, the car screeches of down the road.
Angry voice: Dammit curse these manual transmission cars.
[cue evil laugh]
The car changes direction and zooms off into the night.
Scene 2
[Tributes office he is leafing through a porn mag, Enter Stryke]
Stryke: 0069 I have a new assignment for you!
Tribute: [shoves mag into drawer] Yes, yes of course uh just let me tidy up here
Stryke: I’ll give you 5 minutes
Tribute: Certainly good good
[Stryke leaves and Tribute gets out the porno again]
Scene 3
[Strike’s office kyz22 is in a corner and Stryke in his chair Tribute is smoking a cigar]
Stryke: Sit 0069 I have an important mission for you
Tribute: Wow I finally get to go for the coffee! [seriously]
Stryke: No 0069 not that important. One of our employees has been taken.
Tribute: Really who?
Stryke: Um Miss Gerrid,
Tribute: Indeed when did this happen?
Stryke: We estimate some time between 12 and 2 o’clock because this is the time when she tends to get most horny and usually goes for her gay porn mag…
Kyz22: oh yea I know that time of day I met her the other day in a corridor and- uh she told me about it [Tribute and Stryke look on confused]
Stryke: Ooook… anyway 0069 we have reason to believe that the 3 villainesses kidnapped him.
Tribute: How’s that?
Stryke: Oh we found this cryptic message at the scene of the crime.
Kyz22: Along with 13 hard-core gay porn mags.
[Stryke passes Tribute the note]
Tribute: [Reading off note] Meet big boy in park 0800 hours?
Stryke: Uh no that’s my note, at the bottom!
Tribute: Oh right this one [Reading once more] We have the horny one signed Mystique, Rosalind, and Drunk cow. But this isn’t cryptic!
Stryke: Well no it’s not but the guys down in decoding have to have something to do. Anyhow we think believe that they are still based in Lickey Hills next to a new mysterious porn mag factory…
Tribute: Mmmm porn mag factory eh?
Stryke: Yes 0069 now go I need my meeting with Kyzie I mean uh Kyz22
[Tribute leaves winking at Kyz22]
Scene 4:
[Gerrid’s office and Tribute is looking at Gerrid’s stuff]
Tribute: [Turning on the CV radio only to hear Stryke and Kyz22 ‘getting busy’] Oh god Gerrid how you’d love this [Turns off and wipes tear from eye] oh how I miss you [opens drawer finds totally unused lesbien porno mags] but hey we all gotta go sometime...
Scene 5
[Inside the porno factory office gerrid is tied up in a corner looking happy and the 3 villainesses are siting at a round desk with a big screen at the side]
[Mystique is guiding the other 2 through a complex plan in a black document]
Mystique: And that is how we get the coffee boys to keep our beverages hot.
[Claps all round]
Mystique: Thank you thank you now does anyone else have new business?
Drunk Cow: I had my boobs done last week!
Gerrid: Heeeeeeeey can you rape me now please
[Drunk cow turns and knocks a glass over with her boobs]
Drunk cow: Quiet you we gave you dancing gays earlier [Gerrid goes into a mystified remembering trance]
Mystique: Yes onto the important matters. [Walks over to P.C] We have completed Phase one of our evil plan [clicks mouse] [Screen reading ‘Plan to get all of the worlds leaders hooked on porn’ appears on screen. Clicks again. Map of MI6 appears] We must set up a link with Stryke to tell him out requests.
Drunk Cow: I’m on it…
All three: Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaa
Scene 6
[SHEEPY’s Lab various explosions are happening and Tribute Edgy and Sheepy are stood at a table]
Sheepy: Good to see you again 0069.[Points at Mobile phone (old and crummy)] This is our new mobile phone for you [knowingly] we think it may come in useful!
Tribute: Really!? What does it do?
Sheepy: It can Send voice messages instantly to another person, eh? Eh?
Tribute: Sooooo its a phone…
Sheepy: Precisely 0069
Tribute: May I ask Sheepy what have you been doing all summer?
Sheepy: [bursts out crying] All right I admit it I was at the highland festivals I just couldn’t resist
Tribute: [hugging Sheepy] There there old boy we know its hard… we know…
[Camera pans out slow music plays]
Scene 7
[Tribute’s usual casino binge he is at a mysterious strangers table Bazzman id dealing again]
Bazzman: Place bets… all in.
[Tribute places bet so does mysterious stranger]
Bazzman: Sir [to Tribute]
[Tribute turns card to reveal a Black king of spades]
Mysterious Stranger: Ah! Snap!!
Bazzman: sir this is one card chance! [Turns mysterious stranger’s card] and your card doesn’t match his but you won!
Tribute: [gasps] Sir would you like a drink?
[Tribute takes the stranger over to a bar and pulls his hood off to reveal… Maddmun! With a small brown ferret on his shoulder biting his ear off… literally]
Tribute: Maddmun I thought you were dead!
Maddmun: I am beink dead!
Tribute: Eh?
Maddmun: Ze bullet that is beink in my head is moving in and will soon kill me [Giggles]
Tribute: Right let me guess its slowly taking out you’re senses?
Maddmun: Ow did you guess!?
Tribute: There is a small brown ferret on your shoulder eating the ear which it has bitten off you’re head.
Maddmun: Ahhh yezz this iz Hamsta e is beink my advizor. Unt e advised me to elp ze british inteligence with my knowledge of porn- uh I is meanink the 3 vilainesses of vch are beink threatenink you.
Tribute: [Confused] uh right…
Scene 8
[Tribute is at the villainesses factory]
[opens door and kills two people upon realising that they were two fourteen year olds Tribute runs. He finds an open space and there is Slaveunit posing naked]
Slaveunit: Ah Mr Tribute I was told to expect you- hey wait I’ve got no clothes-
Tribute: Maddmun! How did you get here
[Maddmun opens mouth to speak]
Tribute: Actually don’t worry, come on we have to save gerrid
[The two run off into the factory Maddmun giggling and falling over Slaveunit on his way out Hamsta still chewing his ear]
Scene 9
[The 3 women’s HQ Gerrid has Gay dancers again and is happy]
Mystique: [Disgusted] That should shut her up for a while
Drunk cow: Yes now we have word or rather girlish screams on the part of Slaveunit that Tribute is in the building
Rosalind: Oh but that’s fine because in 15 minutes our porn mags will be sent to every office and workplace in the world including Afghanistan and MI6
All 3: Mwahahahahaha…
Scene 10
13 minutes till porn release
[Tribute and Maddmun are running through the printing area below the women’s HQ]
Scene 11
9 minutes till porn release
[After stopping to look at the cover pages the two hero’s continue on]
[Tribute runs into a sliding glass door on his way]
Scene 12
5 minutes till porn release
[The HQ]
Mystique: Soon we will have the-
[Tribute bursts in along with Maddmun (holding a porno mag in hand)]
Tribute: The Jig is up ladies!
Mystique: No! get Maddmun away from out controls!
[Drunk cow shoots Hamsta who falls out of the open window Maddmun bursts out in tears and runs after him]
Tribute: Uh yea sure anyway the jig is still up!
Drunk Cow: But is it? we have Gerrid!
Gerrid: Hi Tribute!
Tribute: Um yea hi- what do you want then you vile women?!
Drunk cow: Vile have you seen these boobs!?
Tribute: Hey there quite nice- uh but that’s irrelevant what do you want?
Rosalind: Oh nothing now our printing is done and the ship has been sent just let us go!
Tribute: Fine go!
[The 3 women exit via helicopter the ‘Mwahahahahahaha’ getting softer as the plane moved away]
Tribute: [Realising he hasn’t had sex yet] Thank goodness you’re Ok Gerrid [Gerrid starts crying] Gerrid?! But you’re not hurt!
Gerrid: No
Tribute: oh well we’ve still got each other
[Bra gets thrown on camera again and the scene closes]
Scene 13
[MI6 HQ Stryke’s office]
Tribute: So I guess we lost?
Stryke: Oh no 0069 quite the contrary you see when Hamsta got shot he landed in the printing device so he is squashed on every page of every mag [Stryke holds up mag and it is basically just blood]
Tribute: Well it seems we win again!
Stryke: Yes 0069 it does and just because you did so well we are giving you one more special mission… you are the tea boy! Just for today mind.
Tribute: Woohoooo!
Scene 14
[In the Helicopter and the 3 villainesses have seen the mags]
Drunk Cow: You may have foiled us again Tribute but we’ll get you somehow we’ll get you!
All three: Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa
-------
‘TRIBUTE WILL RETURN’
> Kyz22 wrote:
> futrure ?
>
> Are you even literate?
>
> In your SR Musical thing, didn't you say he had promise?
He was one of the people who requested to be in the song, not one of those who I wanted to be in it. Its al lI could think of to rhyme with his name.
> yay finally some comments from different peeps oh well i bet you'll
> still be 0069 tribute i think you hve to do 4 films :P
Damn my cheap agent and his stupid negotiations... o wonder I got that 3rd boat I wanted...
> "Looks at chest"
>
> Um...nice.
*drools down clevage*....what!
> futrure ?
>
> Are you even literate?
In your SR Musical thing, didn't you say he had promise?
Um...nice.
Are you even literate?