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Lights, Camera, Action!
[Enter Tribute looks down barrel of gun and shoots a few blanks after a while he throws the gun at the camera and the screen is engulfed in red]
Scene 1
Gerrid is walking through a dark street when suddenly he is grabbed and taken in to a car, the car screeches of down the road.
Angry voice: Dammit curse these manual transmission cars.
[cue evil laugh]
The car changes direction and zooms off into the night.
Scene 2
[Tributes office he is leafing through a porn mag, Enter Stryke]
Stryke: 0069 I have a new assignment for you!
Tribute: [shoves mag into drawer] Yes, yes of course uh just let me tidy up here
Stryke: I’ll give you 5 minutes
Tribute: Certainly good good
[Stryke leaves and Tribute gets out the porno again]
Scene 3
[Strike’s office kyz22 is in a corner and Stryke in his chair Tribute is smoking a cigar]
Stryke: Sit 0069 I have an important mission for you
Tribute: Wow I finally get to go for the coffee! [seriously]
Stryke: No 0069 not that important. One of our employees has been taken.
Tribute: Really who?
Stryke: Um Miss Gerrid,
Tribute: Indeed when did this happen?
Stryke: We estimate some time between 12 and 2 o’clock because this is the time when she tends to get most horny and usually goes for her gay porn mag…
Kyz22: oh yea I know that time of day I met her the other day in a corridor and- uh she told me about it [Tribute and Stryke look on confused]
Stryke: Ooook… anyway 0069 we have reason to believe that the 3 villainesses kidnapped him.
Tribute: How’s that?
Stryke: Oh we found this cryptic message at the scene of the crime.
Kyz22: Along with 13 hard-core gay porn mags.
[Stryke passes Tribute the note]
Tribute: [Reading off note] Meet big boy in park 0800 hours?
Stryke: Uh no that’s my note, at the bottom!
Tribute: Oh right this one [Reading once more] We have the horny one signed Mystique, Rosalind, and Drunk cow. But this isn’t cryptic!
Stryke: Well no it’s not but the guys down in decoding have to have something to do. Anyhow we think believe that they are still based in Lickey Hills next to a new mysterious porn mag factory…
Tribute: Mmmm porn mag factory eh?
Stryke: Yes 0069 now go I need my meeting with Kyzie I mean uh Kyz22
[Tribute leaves winking at Kyz22]
Scene 4:
[Gerrid’s office and Tribute is looking at Gerrid’s stuff]
Tribute: [Turning on the CV radio only to hear Stryke and Kyz22 ‘getting busy’] Oh god Gerrid how you’d love this [Turns off and wipes tear from eye] oh how I miss you [opens drawer finds totally unused lesbien porno mags] but hey we all gotta go sometime...
Scene 5
[Inside the porno factory office gerrid is tied up in a corner looking happy and the 3 villainesses are siting at a round desk with a big screen at the side]
[Mystique is guiding the other 2 through a complex plan in a black document]
Mystique: And that is how we get the coffee boys to keep our beverages hot.
[Claps all round]
Mystique: Thank you thank you now does anyone else have new business?
Drunk Cow: I had my boobs done last week!
Gerrid: Heeeeeeeey can you rape me now please
[Drunk cow turns and knocks a glass over with her boobs]
Drunk cow: Quiet you we gave you dancing gays earlier [Gerrid goes into a mystified remembering trance]
Mystique: Yes onto the important matters. [Walks over to P.C] We have completed Phase one of our evil plan [clicks mouse] [Screen reading ‘Plan to get all of the worlds leaders hooked on porn’ appears on screen. Clicks again. Map of MI6 appears] We must set up a link with Stryke to tell him out requests.
Drunk Cow: I’m on it…
All three: Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaa
Scene 6
[SHEEPY’s Lab various explosions are happening and Tribute Edgy and Sheepy are stood at a table]
Sheepy: Good to see you again 0069.[Points at Mobile phone (old and crummy)] This is our new mobile phone for you [knowingly] we think it may come in useful!
Tribute: Really!? What does it do?
Sheepy: It can Send voice messages instantly to another person, eh? Eh?
Tribute: Sooooo its a phone…
Sheepy: Precisely 0069
Tribute: May I ask Sheepy what have you been doing all summer?
Sheepy: [bursts out crying] All right I admit it I was at the highland festivals I just couldn’t resist
Tribute: [hugging Sheepy] There there old boy we know its hard… we know…
[Camera pans out slow music plays]
Scene 7
[Tribute’s usual casino binge he is at a mysterious strangers table Bazzman id dealing again]
Bazzman: Place bets… all in.
[Tribute places bet so does mysterious stranger]
Bazzman: Sir [to Tribute]
[Tribute turns card to reveal a Black king of spades]
Mysterious Stranger: Ah! Snap!!
Bazzman: sir this is one card chance! [Turns mysterious stranger’s card] and your card doesn’t match his but you won!
Tribute: [gasps] Sir would you like a drink?
[Tribute takes the stranger over to a bar and pulls his hood off to reveal… Maddmun! With a small brown ferret on his shoulder biting his ear off… literally]
Tribute: Maddmun I thought you were dead!
Maddmun: I am beink dead!
Tribute: Eh?
Maddmun: Ze bullet that is beink in my head is moving in and will soon kill me [Giggles]
Tribute: Right let me guess its slowly taking out you’re senses?
Maddmun: Ow did you guess!?
Tribute: There is a small brown ferret on your shoulder eating the ear which it has bitten off you’re head.
Maddmun: Ahhh yezz this iz Hamsta e is beink my advizor. Unt e advised me to elp ze british inteligence with my knowledge of porn- uh I is meanink the 3 vilainesses of vch are beink threatenink you.
Tribute: [Confused] uh right…
Scene 8
[Tribute is at the villainesses factory]
[opens door and kills two people upon realising that they were two fourteen year olds Tribute runs. He finds an open space and there is Slaveunit posing naked]
Slaveunit: Ah Mr Tribute I was told to expect you- hey wait I’ve got no clothes-
Tribute: Maddmun! How did you get here
[Maddmun opens mouth to speak]
Tribute: Actually don’t worry, come on we have to save gerrid
[The two run off into the factory Maddmun giggling and falling over Slaveunit on his way out Hamsta still chewing his ear]
Scene 9
[The 3 women’s HQ Gerrid has Gay dancers again and is happy]
Mystique: [Disgusted] That should shut her up for a while
Drunk cow: Yes now we have word or rather girlish screams on the part of Slaveunit that Tribute is in the building
Rosalind: Oh but that’s fine because in 15 minutes our porn mags will be sent to every office and workplace in the world including Afghanistan and MI6
All 3: Mwahahahahaha…
Scene 10
13 minutes till porn release
[Tribute and Maddmun are running through the printing area below the women’s HQ]
Scene 11
9 minutes till porn release
[After stopping to look at the cover pages the two hero’s continue on]
[Tribute runs into a sliding glass door on his way]
Scene 12
5 minutes till porn release
[The HQ]
Mystique: Soon we will have the-
[Tribute bursts in along with Maddmun (holding a porno mag in hand)]
Tribute: The Jig is up ladies!
Mystique: No! get Maddmun away from out controls!
[Drunk cow shoots Hamsta who falls out of the open window Maddmun bursts out in tears and runs after him]
Tribute: Uh yea sure anyway the jig is still up!
Drunk Cow: But is it? we have Gerrid!
Gerrid: Hi Tribute!
Tribute: Um yea hi- what do you want then you vile women?!
Drunk cow: Vile have you seen these boobs!?
Tribute: Hey there quite nice- uh but that’s irrelevant what do you want?
Rosalind: Oh nothing now our printing is done and the ship has been sent just let us go!
Tribute: Fine go!
[The 3 women exit via helicopter the ‘Mwahahahahahaha’ getting softer as the plane moved away]
Tribute: [Realising he hasn’t had sex yet] Thank goodness you’re Ok Gerrid [Gerrid starts crying] Gerrid?! But you’re not hurt!
Gerrid: No its not that the gay dancers have fled!
Tribute: oh well we’ve still got each other
[Bra gets thrown on camera again and the scene closes]
Scene 13
[MI6 HQ Stryke’s office]
Tribute: So I guess we lost?
Stryke: Oh no 0069 quite the contrary you see when Hamsta got shot he landed in the printing device so he is squashed on every page of every mag [Stryke holds up mag and it is basically just blood]
Tribute: Well it seems we win again!
Stryke: Yes 0069 it does and just because you did so well we are giving you one more special mission… you are the tea boy! Just for today mind.
Tribute: Woohoooo!
Scene 14
[In the Helicopter and the 3 villainesses have seen the mags]
Drunk Cow: You may have foiled us again Tribute but we’ll get you somehow we’ll get you!
All three: Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa
-------
‘TRIBUTE WILL RETURN’
[Enter Tribute looks down barrel of gun and shoots a few blanks after a while he throws the gun at the camera and the screen is engulfed in red]
Scene 1
Gerrid is walking through a dark street when suddenly he is grabbed and taken in to a car, the car screeches of down the road.
Angry voice: Dammit curse these manual transmission cars.
[cue evil laugh]
The car changes direction and zooms off into the night.
Scene 2
[Tributes office he is leafing through a porn mag, Enter Stryke]
Stryke: 0069 I have a new assignment for you!
Tribute: [shoves mag into drawer] Yes, yes of course uh just let me tidy up here
Stryke: I’ll give you 5 minutes
Tribute: Certainly good good
[Stryke leaves and Tribute gets out the porno again]
Scene 3
[Strike’s office kyz22 is in a corner and Stryke in his chair Tribute is smoking a cigar]
Stryke: Sit 0069 I have an important mission for you
Tribute: Wow I finally get to go for the coffee! [seriously]
Stryke: No 0069 not that important. One of our employees has been taken.
Tribute: Really who?
Stryke: Um Miss Gerrid,
Tribute: Indeed when did this happen?
Stryke: We estimate some time between 12 and 2 o’clock because this is the time when she tends to get most horny and usually goes for her gay porn mag…
Kyz22: oh yea I know that time of day I met her the other day in a corridor and- uh she told me about it [Tribute and Stryke look on confused]
Stryke: Ooook… anyway 0069 we have reason to believe that the 3 villainesses kidnapped him.
Tribute: How’s that?
Stryke: Oh we found this cryptic message at the scene of the crime.
Kyz22: Along with 13 hard-core gay porn mags.
[Stryke passes Tribute the note]
Tribute: [Reading off note] Meet big boy in park 0800 hours?
Stryke: Uh no that’s my note, at the bottom!
Tribute: Oh right this one [Reading once more] We have the horny one signed Mystique, Rosalind, and Drunk cow. But this isn’t cryptic!
Stryke: Well no it’s not but the guys down in decoding have to have something to do. Anyhow we think believe that they are still based in Lickey Hills next to a new mysterious porn mag factory…
Tribute: Mmmm porn mag factory eh?
Stryke: Yes 0069 now go I need my meeting with Kyzie I mean uh Kyz22
[Tribute leaves winking at Kyz22]
Scene 4:
[Gerrid’s office and Tribute is looking at Gerrid’s stuff]
Tribute: [Turning on the CV radio only to hear Stryke and Kyz22 ‘getting busy’] Oh god Gerrid how you’d love this [Turns off and wipes tear from eye] oh how I miss you [opens drawer finds totally unused lesbien porno mags] but hey we all gotta go sometime...
Scene 5
[Inside the porno factory office gerrid is tied up in a corner looking happy and the 3 villainesses are siting at a round desk with a big screen at the side]
[Mystique is guiding the other 2 through a complex plan in a black document]
Mystique: And that is how we get the coffee boys to keep our beverages hot.
[Claps all round]
Mystique: Thank you thank you now does anyone else have new business?
Drunk Cow: I had my boobs done last week!
Gerrid: Heeeeeeeey can you rape me now please
[Drunk cow turns and knocks a glass over with her boobs]
Drunk cow: Quiet you we gave you dancing gays earlier [Gerrid goes into a mystified remembering trance]
Mystique: Yes onto the important matters. [Walks over to P.C] We have completed Phase one of our evil plan [clicks mouse] [Screen reading ‘Plan to get all of the worlds leaders hooked on porn’ appears on screen. Clicks again. Map of MI6 appears] We must set up a link with Stryke to tell him out requests.
Drunk Cow: I’m on it…
All three: Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaa
Scene 6
[SHEEPY’s Lab various explosions are happening and Tribute Edgy and Sheepy are stood at a table]
Sheepy: Good to see you again 0069.[Points at Mobile phone (old and crummy)] This is our new mobile phone for you [knowingly] we think it may come in useful!
Tribute: Really!? What does it do?
Sheepy: It can Send voice messages instantly to another person, eh? Eh?
Tribute: Sooooo its a phone…
Sheepy: Precisely 0069
Tribute: May I ask Sheepy what have you been doing all summer?
Sheepy: [bursts out crying] All right I admit it I was at the highland festivals I just couldn’t resist
Tribute: [hugging Sheepy] There there old boy we know its hard… we know…
[Camera pans out slow music plays]
Scene 7
[Tribute’s usual casino binge he is at a mysterious strangers table Bazzman id dealing again]
Bazzman: Place bets… all in.
[Tribute places bet so does mysterious stranger]
Bazzman: Sir [to Tribute]
[Tribute turns card to reveal a Black king of spades]
Mysterious Stranger: Ah! Snap!!
Bazzman: sir this is one card chance! [Turns mysterious stranger’s card] and your card doesn’t match his but you won!
Tribute: [gasps] Sir would you like a drink?
[Tribute takes the stranger over to a bar and pulls his hood off to reveal… Maddmun! With a small brown ferret on his shoulder biting his ear off… literally]
Tribute: Maddmun I thought you were dead!
Maddmun: I am beink dead!
Tribute: Eh?
Maddmun: Ze bullet that is beink in my head is moving in and will soon kill me [Giggles]
Tribute: Right let me guess its slowly taking out you’re senses?
Maddmun: Ow did you guess!?
Tribute: There is a small brown ferret on your shoulder eating the ear which it has bitten off you’re head.
Maddmun: Ahhh yezz this iz Hamsta e is beink my advizor. Unt e advised me to elp ze british inteligence with my knowledge of porn- uh I is meanink the 3 vilainesses of vch are beink threatenink you.
Tribute: [Confused] uh right…
Scene 8
[Tribute is at the villainesses factory]
[opens door and kills two people upon realising that they were two fourteen year olds Tribute runs. He finds an open space and there is Slaveunit posing naked]
Slaveunit: Ah Mr Tribute I was told to expect you- hey wait I’ve got no clothes-
Tribute: Maddmun! How did you get here
[Maddmun opens mouth to speak]
Tribute: Actually don’t worry, come on we have to save gerrid
[The two run off into the factory Maddmun giggling and falling over Slaveunit on his way out Hamsta still chewing his ear]
Scene 9
[The 3 women’s HQ Gerrid has Gay dancers again and is happy]
Mystique: [Disgusted] That should shut her up for a while
Drunk cow: Yes now we have word or rather girlish screams on the part of Slaveunit that Tribute is in the building
Rosalind: Oh but that’s fine because in 15 minutes our porn mags will be sent to every office and workplace in the world including Afghanistan and MI6
All 3: Mwahahahahaha…
Scene 10
13 minutes till porn release
[Tribute and Maddmun are running through the printing area below the women’s HQ]
Scene 11
9 minutes till porn release
[After stopping to look at the cover pages the two hero’s continue on]
[Tribute runs into a sliding glass door on his way]
Scene 12
5 minutes till porn release
[The HQ]
Mystique: Soon we will have the-
[Tribute bursts in along with Maddmun (holding a porno mag in hand)]
Tribute: The Jig is up ladies!
Mystique: No! get Maddmun away from out controls!
[Drunk cow shoots Hamsta who falls out of the open window Maddmun bursts out in tears and runs after him]
Tribute: Uh yea sure anyway the jig is still up!
Drunk Cow: But is it? we have Gerrid!
Gerrid: Hi Tribute!
Tribute: Um yea hi- what do you want then you vile women?!
Drunk cow: Vile have you seen these boobs!?
Tribute: Hey there quite nice- uh but that’s irrelevant what do you want?
Rosalind: Oh nothing now our printing is done and the ship has been sent just let us go!
Tribute: Fine go!
[The 3 women exit via helicopter the ‘Mwahahahahahaha’ getting softer as the plane moved away]
Tribute: [Realising he hasn’t had sex yet] Thank goodness you’re Ok Gerrid [Gerrid starts crying] Gerrid?! But you’re not hurt!
Gerrid: No
Tribute: oh well we’ve still got each other
[Bra gets thrown on camera again and the scene closes]
Scene 13
[MI6 HQ Stryke’s office]
Tribute: So I guess we lost?
Stryke: Oh no 0069 quite the contrary you see when Hamsta got shot he landed in the printing device so he is squashed on every page of every mag [Stryke holds up mag and it is basically just blood]
Tribute: Well it seems we win again!
Stryke: Yes 0069 it does and just because you did so well we are giving you one more special mission… you are the tea boy! Just for today mind.
Tribute: Woohoooo!
Scene 14
[In the Helicopter and the 3 villainesses have seen the mags]
Drunk Cow: You may have foiled us again Tribute but we’ll get you somehow we’ll get you!
All three: Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa
-------
‘TRIBUTE WILL RETURN’
Page:
Lights, Camera, Action!
[Enter Tribute looks down barrel of gun and shoots a few blanks after a while he throws the gun at the camera and the screen is engulfed in red]
Scene 1
Gerrid is walking through a dark street when suddenly he is grabbed and taken in to a car, the car screeches of down the road.
Angry voice: Dammit curse these manual transmission cars.
[cue evil laugh]
The car changes direction and zooms off into the night.
Scene 2
[Tributes office he is leafing through a porn mag, Enter Stryke]
Stryke: 0069 I have a new assignment for you!
Tribute: [shoves mag into drawer] Yes, yes of course uh just let me tidy up here
Stryke: I’ll give you 5 minutes
Tribute: Certainly good good
[Stryke leaves and Tribute gets out the porno again]
Scene 3
[Strike’s office kyz22 is in a corner and Stryke in his chair Tribute is smoking a cigar]
Stryke: Sit 0069 I have an important mission for you
Tribute: Wow I finally get to go for the coffee! [seriously]
Stryke: No 0069 not that important. One of our employees has been taken.
Tribute: Really who?
Stryke: Um Miss Gerrid,
Tribute: Indeed when did this happen?
Stryke: We estimate some time between 12 and 2 o’clock because this is the time when she tends to get most horny and usually goes for her gay porn mag…
Kyz22: oh yea I know that time of day I met her the other day in a corridor and- uh she told me about it [Tribute and Stryke look on confused]
Stryke: Ooook… anyway 0069 we have reason to believe that the 3 villainesses kidnapped him.
Tribute: How’s that?
Stryke: Oh we found this cryptic message at the scene of the crime.
Kyz22: Along with 13 hard-core gay porn mags.
[Stryke passes Tribute the note]
Tribute: [Reading off note] Meet big boy in park 0800 hours?
Stryke: Uh no that’s my note, at the bottom!
Tribute: Oh right this one [Reading once more] We have the horny one signed Mystique, Rosalind, and Drunk cow. But this isn’t cryptic!
Stryke: Well no it’s not but the guys down in decoding have to have something to do. Anyhow we think believe that they are still based in Lickey Hills next to a new mysterious porn mag factory…
Tribute: Mmmm porn mag factory eh?
Stryke: Yes 0069 now go I need my meeting with Kyzie I mean uh Kyz22
[Tribute leaves winking at Kyz22]
Scene 4:
[Gerrid’s office and Tribute is looking at Gerrid’s stuff]
Tribute: [Turning on the CV radio only to hear Stryke and Kyz22 ‘getting busy’] Oh god Gerrid how you’d love this [Turns off and wipes tear from eye] oh how I miss you [opens drawer finds totally unused lesbien porno mags] but hey we all gotta go sometime...
Scene 5
[Inside the porno factory office gerrid is tied up in a corner looking happy and the 3 villainesses are siting at a round desk with a big screen at the side]
[Mystique is guiding the other 2 through a complex plan in a black document]
Mystique: And that is how we get the coffee boys to keep our beverages hot.
[Claps all round]
Mystique: Thank you thank you now does anyone else have new business?
Drunk Cow: I had my boobs done last week!
Gerrid: Heeeeeeeey can you rape me now please
[Drunk cow turns and knocks a glass over with her boobs]
Drunk cow: Quiet you we gave you dancing gays earlier [Gerrid goes into a mystified remembering trance]
Mystique: Yes onto the important matters. [Walks over to P.C] We have completed Phase one of our evil plan [clicks mouse] [Screen reading ‘Plan to get all of the worlds leaders hooked on porn’ appears on screen. Clicks again. Map of MI6 appears] We must set up a link with Stryke to tell him out requests.
Drunk Cow: I’m on it…
All three: Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaa
Scene 6
[SHEEPY’s Lab various explosions are happening and Tribute Edgy and Sheepy are stood at a table]
Sheepy: Good to see you again 0069.[Points at Mobile phone (old and crummy)] This is our new mobile phone for you [knowingly] we think it may come in useful!
Tribute: Really!? What does it do?
Sheepy: It can Send voice messages instantly to another person, eh? Eh?
Tribute: Sooooo its a phone…
Sheepy: Precisely 0069
Tribute: May I ask Sheepy what have you been doing all summer?
Sheepy: [bursts out crying] All right I admit it I was at the highland festivals I just couldn’t resist
Tribute: [hugging Sheepy] There there old boy we know its hard… we know…
[Camera pans out slow music plays]
Scene 7
[Tribute’s usual casino binge he is at a mysterious strangers table Bazzman id dealing again]
Bazzman: Place bets… all in.
[Tribute places bet so does mysterious stranger]
Bazzman: Sir [to Tribute]
[Tribute turns card to reveal a Black king of spades]
Mysterious Stranger: Ah! Snap!!
Bazzman: sir this is one card chance! [Turns mysterious stranger’s card] and your card doesn’t match his but you won!
Tribute: [gasps] Sir would you like a drink?
[Tribute takes the stranger over to a bar and pulls his hood off to reveal… Maddmun! With a small brown ferret on his shoulder biting his ear off… literally]
Tribute: Maddmun I thought you were dead!
Maddmun: I am beink dead!
Tribute: Eh?
Maddmun: Ze bullet that is beink in my head is moving in and will soon kill me [Giggles]
Tribute: Right let me guess its slowly taking out you’re senses?
Maddmun: Ow did you guess!?
Tribute: There is a small brown ferret on your shoulder eating the ear which it has bitten off you’re head.
Maddmun: Ahhh yezz this iz Hamsta e is beink my advizor. Unt e advised me to elp ze british inteligence with my knowledge of porn- uh I is meanink the 3 vilainesses of vch are beink threatenink you.
Tribute: [Confused] uh right…
Scene 8
[Tribute is at the villainesses factory]
[opens door and kills two people upon realising that they were two fourteen year olds Tribute runs. He finds an open space and there is Slaveunit posing naked]
Slaveunit: Ah Mr Tribute I was told to expect you- hey wait I’ve got no clothes-
Tribute: Maddmun! How did you get here
[Maddmun opens mouth to speak]
Tribute: Actually don’t worry, come on we have to save gerrid
[The two run off into the factory Maddmun giggling and falling over Slaveunit on his way out Hamsta still chewing his ear]
Scene 9
[The 3 women’s HQ Gerrid has Gay dancers again and is happy]
Mystique: [Disgusted] That should shut her up for a while
Drunk cow: Yes now we have word or rather girlish screams on the part of Slaveunit that Tribute is in the building
Rosalind: Oh but that’s fine because in 15 minutes our porn mags will be sent to every office and workplace in the world including Afghanistan and MI6
All 3: Mwahahahahaha…
Scene 10
13 minutes till porn release
[Tribute and Maddmun are running through the printing area below the women’s HQ]
Scene 11
9 minutes till porn release
[After stopping to look at the cover pages the two hero’s continue on]
[Tribute runs into a sliding glass door on his way]
Scene 12
5 minutes till porn release
[The HQ]
Mystique: Soon we will have the-
[Tribute bursts in along with Maddmun (holding a porno mag in hand)]
Tribute: The Jig is up ladies!
Mystique: No! get Maddmun away from out controls!
[Drunk cow shoots Hamsta who falls out of the open window Maddmun bursts out in tears and runs after him]
Tribute: Uh yea sure anyway the jig is still up!
Drunk Cow: But is it? we have Gerrid!
Gerrid: Hi Tribute!
Tribute: Um yea hi- what do you want then you vile women?!
Drunk cow: Vile have you seen these boobs!?
Tribute: Hey there quite nice- uh but that’s irrelevant what do you want?
Rosalind: Oh nothing now our printing is done and the ship has been sent just let us go!
Tribute: Fine go!
[The 3 women exit via helicopter the ‘Mwahahahahahaha’ getting softer as the plane moved away]
Tribute: [Realising he hasn’t had sex yet] Thank goodness you’re Ok Gerrid [Gerrid starts crying] Gerrid?! But you’re not hurt!
Gerrid: No its not that the gay dancers have fled!
Tribute: oh well we’ve still got each other
[Bra gets thrown on camera again and the scene closes]
Scene 13
[MI6 HQ Stryke’s office]
Tribute: So I guess we lost?
Stryke: Oh no 0069 quite the contrary you see when Hamsta got shot he landed in the printing device so he is squashed on every page of every mag [Stryke holds up mag and it is basically just blood]
Tribute: Well it seems we win again!
Stryke: Yes 0069 it does and just because you did so well we are giving you one more special mission… you are the tea boy! Just for today mind.
Tribute: Woohoooo!
Scene 14
[In the Helicopter and the 3 villainesses have seen the mags]
Drunk Cow: You may have foiled us again Tribute but we’ll get you somehow we’ll get you!
All three: Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa
-------
‘TRIBUTE WILL RETURN’
[Enter Tribute looks down barrel of gun and shoots a few blanks after a while he throws the gun at the camera and the screen is engulfed in red]
Scene 1
Gerrid is walking through a dark street when suddenly he is grabbed and taken in to a car, the car screeches of down the road.
Angry voice: Dammit curse these manual transmission cars.
[cue evil laugh]
The car changes direction and zooms off into the night.
Scene 2
[Tributes office he is leafing through a porn mag, Enter Stryke]
Stryke: 0069 I have a new assignment for you!
Tribute: [shoves mag into drawer] Yes, yes of course uh just let me tidy up here
Stryke: I’ll give you 5 minutes
Tribute: Certainly good good
[Stryke leaves and Tribute gets out the porno again]
Scene 3
[Strike’s office kyz22 is in a corner and Stryke in his chair Tribute is smoking a cigar]
Stryke: Sit 0069 I have an important mission for you
Tribute: Wow I finally get to go for the coffee! [seriously]
Stryke: No 0069 not that important. One of our employees has been taken.
Tribute: Really who?
Stryke: Um Miss Gerrid,
Tribute: Indeed when did this happen?
Stryke: We estimate some time between 12 and 2 o’clock because this is the time when she tends to get most horny and usually goes for her gay porn mag…
Kyz22: oh yea I know that time of day I met her the other day in a corridor and- uh she told me about it [Tribute and Stryke look on confused]
Stryke: Ooook… anyway 0069 we have reason to believe that the 3 villainesses kidnapped him.
Tribute: How’s that?
Stryke: Oh we found this cryptic message at the scene of the crime.
Kyz22: Along with 13 hard-core gay porn mags.
[Stryke passes Tribute the note]
Tribute: [Reading off note] Meet big boy in park 0800 hours?
Stryke: Uh no that’s my note, at the bottom!
Tribute: Oh right this one [Reading once more] We have the horny one signed Mystique, Rosalind, and Drunk cow. But this isn’t cryptic!
Stryke: Well no it’s not but the guys down in decoding have to have something to do. Anyhow we think believe that they are still based in Lickey Hills next to a new mysterious porn mag factory…
Tribute: Mmmm porn mag factory eh?
Stryke: Yes 0069 now go I need my meeting with Kyzie I mean uh Kyz22
[Tribute leaves winking at Kyz22]
Scene 4:
[Gerrid’s office and Tribute is looking at Gerrid’s stuff]
Tribute: [Turning on the CV radio only to hear Stryke and Kyz22 ‘getting busy’] Oh god Gerrid how you’d love this [Turns off and wipes tear from eye] oh how I miss you [opens drawer finds totally unused lesbien porno mags] but hey we all gotta go sometime...
Scene 5
[Inside the porno factory office gerrid is tied up in a corner looking happy and the 3 villainesses are siting at a round desk with a big screen at the side]
[Mystique is guiding the other 2 through a complex plan in a black document]
Mystique: And that is how we get the coffee boys to keep our beverages hot.
[Claps all round]
Mystique: Thank you thank you now does anyone else have new business?
Drunk Cow: I had my boobs done last week!
Gerrid: Heeeeeeeey can you rape me now please
[Drunk cow turns and knocks a glass over with her boobs]
Drunk cow: Quiet you we gave you dancing gays earlier [Gerrid goes into a mystified remembering trance]
Mystique: Yes onto the important matters. [Walks over to P.C] We have completed Phase one of our evil plan [clicks mouse] [Screen reading ‘Plan to get all of the worlds leaders hooked on porn’ appears on screen. Clicks again. Map of MI6 appears] We must set up a link with Stryke to tell him out requests.
Drunk Cow: I’m on it…
All three: Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaa
Scene 6
[SHEEPY’s Lab various explosions are happening and Tribute Edgy and Sheepy are stood at a table]
Sheepy: Good to see you again 0069.[Points at Mobile phone (old and crummy)] This is our new mobile phone for you [knowingly] we think it may come in useful!
Tribute: Really!? What does it do?
Sheepy: It can Send voice messages instantly to another person, eh? Eh?
Tribute: Sooooo its a phone…
Sheepy: Precisely 0069
Tribute: May I ask Sheepy what have you been doing all summer?
Sheepy: [bursts out crying] All right I admit it I was at the highland festivals I just couldn’t resist
Tribute: [hugging Sheepy] There there old boy we know its hard… we know…
[Camera pans out slow music plays]
Scene 7
[Tribute’s usual casino binge he is at a mysterious strangers table Bazzman id dealing again]
Bazzman: Place bets… all in.
[Tribute places bet so does mysterious stranger]
Bazzman: Sir [to Tribute]
[Tribute turns card to reveal a Black king of spades]
Mysterious Stranger: Ah! Snap!!
Bazzman: sir this is one card chance! [Turns mysterious stranger’s card] and your card doesn’t match his but you won!
Tribute: [gasps] Sir would you like a drink?
[Tribute takes the stranger over to a bar and pulls his hood off to reveal… Maddmun! With a small brown ferret on his shoulder biting his ear off… literally]
Tribute: Maddmun I thought you were dead!
Maddmun: I am beink dead!
Tribute: Eh?
Maddmun: Ze bullet that is beink in my head is moving in and will soon kill me [Giggles]
Tribute: Right let me guess its slowly taking out you’re senses?
Maddmun: Ow did you guess!?
Tribute: There is a small brown ferret on your shoulder eating the ear which it has bitten off you’re head.
Maddmun: Ahhh yezz this iz Hamsta e is beink my advizor. Unt e advised me to elp ze british inteligence with my knowledge of porn- uh I is meanink the 3 vilainesses of vch are beink threatenink you.
Tribute: [Confused] uh right…
Scene 8
[Tribute is at the villainesses factory]
[opens door and kills two people upon realising that they were two fourteen year olds Tribute runs. He finds an open space and there is Slaveunit posing naked]
Slaveunit: Ah Mr Tribute I was told to expect you- hey wait I’ve got no clothes-
Tribute: Maddmun! How did you get here
[Maddmun opens mouth to speak]
Tribute: Actually don’t worry, come on we have to save gerrid
[The two run off into the factory Maddmun giggling and falling over Slaveunit on his way out Hamsta still chewing his ear]
Scene 9
[The 3 women’s HQ Gerrid has Gay dancers again and is happy]
Mystique: [Disgusted] That should shut her up for a while
Drunk cow: Yes now we have word or rather girlish screams on the part of Slaveunit that Tribute is in the building
Rosalind: Oh but that’s fine because in 15 minutes our porn mags will be sent to every office and workplace in the world including Afghanistan and MI6
All 3: Mwahahahahaha…
Scene 10
13 minutes till porn release
[Tribute and Maddmun are running through the printing area below the women’s HQ]
Scene 11
9 minutes till porn release
[After stopping to look at the cover pages the two hero’s continue on]
[Tribute runs into a sliding glass door on his way]
Scene 12
5 minutes till porn release
[The HQ]
Mystique: Soon we will have the-
[Tribute bursts in along with Maddmun (holding a porno mag in hand)]
Tribute: The Jig is up ladies!
Mystique: No! get Maddmun away from out controls!
[Drunk cow shoots Hamsta who falls out of the open window Maddmun bursts out in tears and runs after him]
Tribute: Uh yea sure anyway the jig is still up!
Drunk Cow: But is it? we have Gerrid!
Gerrid: Hi Tribute!
Tribute: Um yea hi- what do you want then you vile women?!
Drunk cow: Vile have you seen these boobs!?
Tribute: Hey there quite nice- uh but that’s irrelevant what do you want?
Rosalind: Oh nothing now our printing is done and the ship has been sent just let us go!
Tribute: Fine go!
[The 3 women exit via helicopter the ‘Mwahahahahahaha’ getting softer as the plane moved away]
Tribute: [Realising he hasn’t had sex yet] Thank goodness you’re Ok Gerrid [Gerrid starts crying] Gerrid?! But you’re not hurt!
Gerrid: No
Tribute: oh well we’ve still got each other
[Bra gets thrown on camera again and the scene closes]
Scene 13
[MI6 HQ Stryke’s office]
Tribute: So I guess we lost?
Stryke: Oh no 0069 quite the contrary you see when Hamsta got shot he landed in the printing device so he is squashed on every page of every mag [Stryke holds up mag and it is basically just blood]
Tribute: Well it seems we win again!
Stryke: Yes 0069 it does and just because you did so well we are giving you one more special mission… you are the tea boy! Just for today mind.
Tribute: Woohoooo!
Scene 14
[In the Helicopter and the 3 villainesses have seen the mags]
Drunk Cow: You may have foiled us again Tribute but we’ll get you somehow we’ll get you!
All three: Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa
-------
‘TRIBUTE WILL RETURN’
Oh by the way the theme goes:
I know how to pose
I have great skill
I know what to show
And what to conceal
I know when to pose
And I know when to touch
No one ever die from wanting to much
The porn is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to start, my lust
And if you're horny enough
Together we can make the world feel good, my love
People like us
Know how to tease
There's no point in living
If you can't feel the life
We know when to kiss
And we know when to take a pill
If you can't have it all
Then nobody will
Repeat chorus
I - I feel sick
I - I feel messed
I - I feel ready
I - And yet overdressed
Repeat chorus
The porn is not enough
The porn is not enough
I know how to pose
I have great skill
I know what to show
And what to conceal
I know when to pose
And I know when to touch
No one ever die from wanting to much
The porn is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to start, my lust
And if you're horny enough
Together we can make the world feel good, my love
People like us
Know how to tease
There's no point in living
If you can't feel the life
We know when to kiss
And we know when to take a pill
If you can't have it all
Then nobody will
Repeat chorus
I - I feel sick
I - I feel messed
I - I feel ready
I - And yet overdressed
Repeat chorus
The porn is not enough
The porn is not enough
*cough* hideous overkill! *cough*
Seriously, could you not wait a few days for the sequel? It cheapens the original.
Seriously, could you not wait a few days for the sequel? It cheapens the original.
Brilliant.
Thanks for the creative casting too!
Thanks for the creative casting too!
El Blokey wrote:
> *cough* hideous overkill! *cough*
>
> Seriously, could you not wait a few days for the sequel? It cheapens
> the original.
Shut up, its a fantastic one, most sequels come when you have forgotten the original, this one comes when its fresh in your mind.
Brilliance in a tin, except the tin of course
> *cough* hideous overkill! *cough*
>
> Seriously, could you not wait a few days for the sequel? It cheapens
> the original.
Shut up, its a fantastic one, most sequels come when you have forgotten the original, this one comes when its fresh in your mind.
Brilliance in a tin, except the tin of course
Kyz22 wrote:
> El Blokey wrote:
> *cough* hideous overkill! *cough*
>
> Seriously, could you not wait a few days for the sequel? It cheapens
> the original.
>
> Shut up, its a fantastic one, most sequels come when you have
> forgotten the original, this one comes when its fresh in your mind.
>
> Brilliance in a tin, except the tin of course
Ha el blokey 2 against 1 majority wins :P nye nyee nye nye nye nyeeeeee
> El Blokey wrote:
> *cough* hideous overkill! *cough*
>
> Seriously, could you not wait a few days for the sequel? It cheapens
> the original.
>
> Shut up, its a fantastic one, most sequels come when you have
> forgotten the original, this one comes when its fresh in your mind.
>
> Brilliance in a tin, except the tin of course
Ha el blokey 2 against 1 majority wins :P nye nyee nye nye nye nyeeeeee
careful rabbit, nobody likes a gloater, specially one who doesnt make sense :-P
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