The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Expletive Deleted:- Hello and welcome to the first ever Special Reserve Big Brother, soon the housemates will be entering the house for three whole days. Oh look, the housemates are arriving now!
- Dirty old banger pulls up outside the Big Brother house, Absolut Neó gets out with a suitcase in one hand and a can of beer in the other. He slowly wanders over to the cameras where Expletive is waiting.
Expletive Deleted: Hello Absolut Neó, how do you feel about been the first into the Special Reserve Big Brother house?
Absolut Neó: Alright, I’d rather be dead though
Expletive Deleted: Erm, ok… what luxury items did you bring?
Absolut Neó: A gun, if I decide to end it all
Expletive Deleted: O…K…. Thankyou Neó
- A pink limousine pulls up and a chauffeur gets out to open the back door of the car. Drunk Cow gets out in a mini skirt and a low cut top. She pouts for the press before ambling over to Expletive.
Expletive Deleted: Hi Drunk Cow, how does it feel to be about to enter the Special Reserve Big Brother house?
Drunk Cow: Wow, it feels great, like my new thong! Do you want to see it?
Expletive Deleted: No, thank you, would you like to make your way to the house.
Drunk Cow: Ok Expletive, thanks sugar
- Drunk Cow winks at Expletive and sucks her finger suggestively.
Expletive Deleted: Well, ahem, I certainly can’t wait to see a lot more of Drunk Cow.
- A bicycle appears in the distance and as it gets closer, it becomes visible that it is phi11ip wearing a lyrca tracksuit. Phi11ip ties his bike to the railing and wanders over to Expletive.
Expletive Deleted: Hello Phi11ip, are you excited?
Phi11ip: Yeah, you know how it is.
Expletive Deleted: Um, sure. Did you bring any luxury items with you?
Phi11ip: I brought my thongs, my make up, and of course my platform shoes!
- Camera pans down to see Phi11ip standing in 9-inch high platform shoes.
Expletive Deleted: Impressive stuff, Phi11ip please make your way into the house.
- A taxi screeches into the Special Reserve Big Brother car park. A woman gets out and pays the cabbie, the sprints over to Expletive Deleted.
Expletive Deleted: I take it you are Rosalind?
Rosalind: Yeah! How did you know that!
Expletive Deleted: I’m the presenter….
Rosalind: Oh wow really! Cool! I’m Rosalind!
Expletive Deleted: I know… how do you feel about going into the Big Brother house?
Rosalind: I’m so excited; it’s the first time I’ve ever been away from home!
Expletive Deleted: That’s…nice. Did you bring any luxury items with you?
Rosalind: What items?
Expletive Deleted: Special items, did you even bring a suitcase?
Rosalind: I didn’t know we were allowed to bring stuff
Expletive Deleted: *Shakes head* - Of course you were allowed. Never mind. Can you please make your way to the house.
Rosalind: What house?
Expletive Deleted: That one *points*
Rosalind: Ohhhh that one! Sure!
- The camera zooms out from the crowd and focuses on a private jet flying high above the Special Reserve house. The plane gradually gets lower and lower and comes in to land on a custom lading strip near the house. The plane doors open and Meka Dragon gets out in his Armani suit, been closely monitored by two bodyguards.
Expletive Deleted: Hello Meka Dragon, how do you feel about going into the big brother house?
Meka Dragon: I shall win
Expletive Deleted: But how do you feel?
Meka Dragon: I feel like I will win
Expletive Deleted: Did you bring any luxury items with you?
Meka Dragon: Well, I was going to bring some expensive suits and a change of underwear, but I decided I would bring my ‘friends’ with me.
Expletive Deleted: What do you mean ‘friends’ ?
Meka Dragon: Take a look for yourself, *Opens suitcase containing 35 GADs*
Expletive Deleted: Woah, nice hoard you have there!
Meka Dragon: Yes, yes it is. Now where’s the house I’m staying in?
Expletive Deleted: Its just over there *points*
Meka Dragon: Aha! I see, Ill go in then, shall I?
Expletive Deleted: Sure, go ahead
- Meka Dragon struts into the house with his suitcase full of GADs as the crowd boo him In a jealous rage.
Expletive Deleted: Well folks, they were our five contestants for Special Reserve Big Brother, who wins? You decide!
Day 1:
8:15AM:
Big Brother: Will someone please come to the diary room.
- Everyone in the house is asleep.
Big Brother: Will someone please come to the damn diary room!
Absolut Neó: What? Who’s that? Oh, I’m in that stupid house.
- Absolut Neó gets out of bed and stumbles into the diary room.
Big Brother: Hello Absolut Neó, how are you this morning?
Absolut Neó: I’m crap; I’d rather be dead.
Big Brother: I’m sorry to hear that Neó, anyway, will you tell the housemates that today you will be set a task in which you will be required to perform a circus act?
Absolut Neó: Ok then
Big Brother: Thank you
9:35 AM:
- The housemates are all up and gathered around the breakfast table. Rosalind is trying to work out how to open the cereal box, Drunk Cow is applying her makeup, Absolut Neó is mimicking overdosing himself on cheerio’s, Phi11ip is filing his nails and Meka Dragon is pawing his copy of Tekken 4.
Drunk Cow: Does this pyjama top make me look fat?
Phi11ip: No sugar, you look delightful
Drunk Cow: Thanks, wanna hook up?
Phi11ip: No sugar, I don’t swing that way!
Drunk Cow: Damn.
- Rosalind slams the cereal box down and cries.
Phi11ip: Do you want me to open it for you?
Absolut Neó: What’s the point, we might as well just die of starvation
Phi11ip: *Looks oddly at Neó*
11:20AM:
Big Brother: The hot water is now switched on for one hour.
- Drunk Cow runs over to the bathroom and gets in the shower.
- Gerbilman (Cameraman #1) is filming Drunk Cow from behind the bathroom mirror
Gerbilman: Oh yeah baby, that’s the stuff…
- Drool from Gerbilman’s mouth collects on the floor and as he moves to film Drunk Cow bending over he slips making a loud noise.
Drunk Cow: What was that! Oh no! Pervert!
- Drunk Cow runs into the living room naked, screaming.
Phi11ip: What is it sugar? Whats wrong?
Drunk Cow: There something in the bathroom and it tried to get me!
Absolut Neó: We can only hope it’s an axe murderer who kills us all
Phi11ip: Who are you always so negative; maybe you should let Phi11ip cheer you up
- Phi11ip starts to massage Absolut Neó’s shoulders, Absolut Neó looks at Phi11ip then punches him right in the face
Phi11ip: Why did you do that!
Absolut Neó: I’m straight; if you do that again then I’ll kill myself.
Phi11ip: Damn
Drunk Cow: Did someone say they’re straight? Me too!
Absolut Neó: I’m straight
Drunk Cow: Wanna hook up?
Absolut Neó: I was hoping you’d say that, if you hadn’t I would have killed myself.
- Drunk Cow and Absolut Neó walk off to the bedroom hand-in-hand
11:32 AM:
Absolut Neó: What do you mean its not the right shape?
Drunk Cow: Its triangular, you aren’t putting that inside me!
Absolut Neó: Fine, I didn’t want to anyway!
Big Brother: Later today you each have to nominate one of your fellow housemates to be up for eviction.
Absolut Neó: If I get voted out I’ll kill myself.
- Meka Dragon, who has been silent all day, stands up and walks to the diary room.
Big Brother: Hello Meka Dragon, what’s wrong?
Meka Dragon: There aren’t enough competitions in the house
Big Brother: There’s a task later today, didn’t Absolut Neó tell you?
Meka Dragon: No
Big Brother: You each have to perform a circus trick each
Meka Dragon: Oh, ok.
1:49 PM:
- The housemates are practising their circus tricks.
- Drunk Cow is doing a pole dance, Meka Dragon is taming the frozen peas, Phi11ip is disco dancing, Absolut Neó is juggling knives and Rosalind is on the floor crying.
Phi11ip: What’s wrong Rosalind?
Rosalind: I cant do any tricks!
Phi11ip: Oh, you must be pretty stupid
Rosalind: *bursts into tears*
Phi11ip: Oh sugar I didn’t mean that, Ill teach you how to disco dance!
Rosalind: Really!?
Phi11ip: Sure thing sugar!
3:30PM:
Big Brother: Can the housemates please make their way to the living area and perform the circus tasks.
- Rosalind and Phi11ip begin their disco-dancing extravaganza and Rosalind keeps stepping on Phi11ip’s feet. But Big Brother is impressed anyway.
- Meka Dragon walks to the middle of the floor with his top hat on and tames the frozen peas, leaving everyone gob smacked.
-Absolut Neó stand in the middle of the floor and furiously juggles knives for 20 whole minutes. He is furious when he realises he doesn’t have a single cut on his body
-Finally Drunk Cow drags her exotic dancing pole to the middle of the floor and seductively dances for the housemates and Big Brother.
Phi11ip: Wow, that’s almost enough the make me straight!
Absolut Neó: Yeah, I nearly went to bed with her.
4:00PM:
Big Brother – Well done housemates you all passes the circus trick task. We were going to give you a reward but we haven’t opened the phonelines to the public yet so we have no spare money, sorry!
Absolut Neó: That’s enough to make me want to kill myself.
Phi11ip: That’s despicable! Utterly despicable, worse than the YMCA!
Meka Dragon: I want a prize, I NEED a prize!
6:00PM:
Big Brother: Can Rosalind please make her way to the diary room.
-Rosalind shuffles over to the diary room
Big Brother: Hello Rosalind, could you please nominate one person for eviction
Rosalind: Um, erm, do I have to?
Big Brother: Yes, it’s the rules.
Rosalind: Oh, erm, ok, I nominate Drunk Cow because she’s too flirty
Big Brother: Ok thank you Rosalind. Can Drunk Cow please come to the diary room
- Drunk Cow struts over to the diary room and sit down in the chair
Big Brother: Drunk Cow, can you tell us who you want to nominate to leave the house
Drunk Cow: Phi11ip, he is gay
Big Brother: Thank you Drunk cow, can Absolut Neó please come to the diary room
- Absolut Neó walks slowly to the diary room with his head down.
Big Brother: Hello Absolut Neó, who would you like to nominate for eviction?
Absolut Neó: I nominate Meka Dragon because he is a better person than me, I’m a nothing! I wish I was dead!
Big Brother: Erm, ok, thank you, can Phi11ip please come to the diary room
- Phi11ip dances over to the diary room and bounds into the chair.
Phi11ip: Hi big brother! Are you really as big as I’ve been told?
Big Brother: Shut up, can you tell us who you want to nominate for eviction today?
Phi11ip: I want to get rid of Meka Dragon, he keeps giving me the evil eye!
Big Brother: Ok thanks Phi11ip, can Meka Dragon please come to the diary room
- Meka Dragon hurries to the diary room and leaps into the chair
Big Brother: Hello Meka Dragon, who would you like to nominate to leave the house?
Meka Dragon: Everyone
Big Brother: You cant nominate everyone!
Meka Dragon: Really, oh. Ill nominate Phi11ip then, he is a bit gay.
Big Brother: Ok, thank you Meka Dragon
7:00PM:
Big Brother: The following people are up for eviction tonight…. In alphabetical order… Phi11ip and…. Meka Dragon.
Phi11ip: How could you guys, I am so offended!
Meka Dragon: I don’t believe it, I still have a chance of winning though.
Drunk Cow: Meka, you cant go, you’re the only chance of a shag I have left!
Meka Dragon: Oh.
Drunk Cow: Wanna hook up now?
Meka Dragon: Ok, if I get a prize
Drunk Cow: Sure hun, whatever!
- Drunk Cow and Meka Dragon go off to the bedroom together.
Rosalind: What does nominate mean?
Phi11ip: Choose
Rosalind: Oh, what does eviction mean?
Phi11ip: It means leave
Rosalind: Oh, what does…
Absolut Neó: Shut up will you, you’re the biggest idiot I have ever met!
Phi11ip: Oh don’t be mean!
- Rosalind runs out into the garden and Phi11ip runs after her.
9:00PM:
Big Brother: The public have voted and the decision has been made, the first person to leave the Special Reserve Big Brother house is… Meka Dragon.
Meka Dragon: I didn’t win!? How dare you, you haven’t seen the last of me
- Meka Dragon storms out of the house
Phi11ip: Phew, I’m still in.
Drunk Cow: Lets all get drunk and go down on each other…
Day 2
11:41AM:
- Everyone in the house is still sleeping and Gerbilman is filming Drunk Cow from behind a mirror
Gerbilman: Oh Drunk Cow, you are so perfect I love you
Big Brother: Wake up everyone! Quickly!
-Drunk Cow sits bolt upright in bed, Gerbilman gets shocked and falls over creating a large thud from behind the mirror.
Big Brother: Housemates beware; there is a madman in the house! He slipped our minimalistic security and has gained access!
Rosalind: We all going to die!
Absolut Neó: Lets hope so
Phi11ip: Its ok guys, I know kung fu, or is that karma sutra…?
-Little Hobbo kicks the bedroom door down and shouts, “Im gonna get you all, hahaha”
Phi11ip: *Sigh* Why are the cute ones always psychotic
-Little Hobbo runs over to Drunk Cow and is about to hit her with the kettle, when all of a sudden Gerbilman smashes through the mirror through which he was filming and wallops Little Hobbo over the head with his camera.
Drunk Cow: You saved me, you’re my hero!
Gerbilman: Anything for a beauty like you
Drunk Cow: Wanna hook up?
Gerbilman: You’re damn right I do!
Drunk Cow: Cool, I’m sick of this house anyway, lets get a hotel room.
-Drunk Cow and Gerbilman leave the house together in search of a hotel room.
Phi11ip: Is that manic fan dead?
Little Hobbo: Owww my head
Absolut Neó: He’s still alive, lets hope he is still bloodthirsty
Rosalind: Kill him!
Absolut Neó: No, you kill him
Rosalind: Phi11ip, you kill him!
Phi11ip: Ok sugar, just calm down and I’ll get rid of this awful, awful man
- Phi11ip goes into the Special Reserve Big Brother garden and retrieves a rusty fence post.
Phi11ip: Ok will this do the job?
Absolut Neó: It better do, if you don’t kill him, I’ll kill myself.
-Phi11ip drives the rusty fence post right through the heart of Little Hobbo
Rosalind: Whats that sound?
-A whirring sound gets louder and louder above the house
Phi11ip: Don’t ask me
Absolut Neó: I got no idea
- A large crash makes the housemates flock to the living room where they find 8 FBI officers holding flash bangs and AK47’s.
FBI officer #1: Phi11ip, take 3 steps forward and place your hands behind your head
- Phi11ip does as he is asked, the FBI officers handcuff him and push him to the ground
FBI officer #1: You are under arrest for class A murder.
Phi11p: But, but….
FBI officer #1: But nothing! You’re a cold blooded killer and your coming with us
- The FBI officers disappear through a hole in the ceiling and they leave in their FBI helicopter.
Absolut Neó: I wish they’d have taken me
Rosalind: Where’s Phi11ip?
Absolut Neó: The FBI just took him?
Rosalind: The who?
Absolut Neó: The FBI, the guys with the helicopter and the guns.
Rosalind: Oh, I see.
Big Brother: Because of the recent…mishaps… in the house, tonight the public will vote who wins and who loses the competition.
Absolut Neó: If I lose I’ll kill myself
Rosalind: What competition?
Absolut Neó: The Big Brother thing…
Rosalind: It’s a competition?
Absolut Neó: Yeah, you win a free game worth up to £50
Rosalind: Wow!
8:15PM:
Big Brother: Rosalind and Absolut Neó, can you make your way to the living area of the house.
- Absolut Neó emerges from the bathroom and sits on the sofa; Rosalind is nowhere to be found.
Big Brother: Rosalind, can you please come to the living area?
Rosalind: I’m stuck
Absolut Neó: Where are you stuck?
Rosalind: The garden
- Absolut Neó walks into the garden to find Rosalind sat on the floor
Absolut Neó: How are you stuck?
Rosalind: My shoelaces are undone
Absolut Neó: Well, tie them
Rosalind: I don’t know how
- Absolut Neó begrudgingly ties Rosalind’s shoelaces for her then they go back to the living area.
Big Brother: Right, are you all done now?
Absolut Neó: Yea
Rosalind: Yes big brother!
Big Brother: Ok, the public have voted for the winner of Special Reserve Big Brother 2003.
Rosalind: *Gasps*
Absolut Neó: If I don’t win I’ll kill myself.
Big Brother: The public have chosen the winner, and that winner is… Absolut Neó!
Absolut Neó: Great, if I hadn’t won I’d have killed myself.
Rosalind: What did you win?
Absolut Neó: Special Reserve Big Brother!
Rosalind: Oh, well done.
Absolut Neó: Thanks
Big Brother: Rosalind can you please leave the Special Reserve Big Brother house
Rosalind: OK
- Rosalind walks out of the house, trips down the stairs and lands in a puddle. The paramedics run over and put her into an ambulance and drive away with incredible haste.
Expletive Deleted: Well folks, I’m about to go into the house and meet the winner, Absolut Neó!
- Crowd scream madly as Expletive runs into the house armed with a microphone.
Expletive Deleted: Hello Absolut Neó, how does it feel to be the winner of the Special Reserve Big Brother 2003?
Absolut Neó: Its feels alright
Expletive Deleted: And what will you be choosing for your prize? Remember it can be any software worth up to £50!
Absolut Neó: Ill choose, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
Expletive Deleted: Good choice! – Oh, and as well as your prize you get to meet the one and only, Big Brother himself
Absolut Neó: Great, I’d rather kill myself though
Big Brother: Will Absolut Neó please come to the diary room?
- Absolut Neó gets up and goes to the diary room; he opens the door and find the chair facing away from him. The chair begins to spin around and sat in the chair is none other than Tony.
Absolut Neó: T-Tony?
Tony: Hello Absolut Neó, I am Morpheu… I mean, big brother.
Absolut Neó: Hi
Tony: Ok, go away now
Absolut Neó: Fine
- Absolut Neó walks out of the diary room and goes back to Expletive Deleted.
Expletive Deleted: Now we have to go and meet the fans
Absolut Neó: Do we have to?
Expletive Deleted: Yes
Absolut Neó: I’d rather be dead
- Absolut Neó and Expletive Deleted go out of the house and are surrounded by hundreds of screaming fans. Absolut Neó signs a few autographs when things start to get out of hand.
Rabbit<>K: Absolut Neó! Absolut Neó! I’m your biggest fan! I love you!
Absolut Neó: Thanks
- Rabbit<>K Leaps the barrier and starts hugging Absolut Neó
Absolut Neó: Argh, get him off me!
Rabbit<>K: I love you Absolut Neó!
Absolut Neó: Get off me you crazy fool!
- The bodyguards move in and beat Rabbit<>K to death with their truncheons.
Absolut Neó: Phew, I’m glad. He could have killed me!
Expletive Deleted: I thought that was what you wanted?
Absolut Neó: No, that was just an act.
Expletive Deleted: Oh, you freak
Absolut Neó: *grins* But I got the GAD didn’t I!
Expletive Deleted: *sighs* It proves the lengths to which people are willing to go to win a free game.
- Expletive Deleted and Absolut Neó walk off into the sunset together
Tony: Will someone please come to the diary room? … Hello? …Someone!
- Diary room door slowly squeaks open
Gerrid: Hello Tony
Tony: Hey! What are you doing here!
Gerrid: Well, we’re here all alone, together…
- Gerrid slams the diary room door shut and Tony’s muffled screams echo around the empty building.
The End
-Kyz²²-
- Dirty old banger pulls up outside the Big Brother house, Absolut Neó gets out with a suitcase in one hand and a can of beer in the other. He slowly wanders over to the cameras where Expletive is waiting.
Expletive Deleted: Hello Absolut Neó, how do you feel about been the first into the Special Reserve Big Brother house?
Absolut Neó: Alright, I’d rather be dead though
Expletive Deleted: Erm, ok… what luxury items did you bring?
Absolut Neó: A gun, if I decide to end it all
Expletive Deleted: O…K…. Thankyou Neó
- A pink limousine pulls up and a chauffeur gets out to open the back door of the car. Drunk Cow gets out in a mini skirt and a low cut top. She pouts for the press before ambling over to Expletive.
Expletive Deleted: Hi Drunk Cow, how does it feel to be about to enter the Special Reserve Big Brother house?
Drunk Cow: Wow, it feels great, like my new thong! Do you want to see it?
Expletive Deleted: No, thank you, would you like to make your way to the house.
Drunk Cow: Ok Expletive, thanks sugar
- Drunk Cow winks at Expletive and sucks her finger suggestively.
Expletive Deleted: Well, ahem, I certainly can’t wait to see a lot more of Drunk Cow.
- A bicycle appears in the distance and as it gets closer, it becomes visible that it is phi11ip wearing a lyrca tracksuit. Phi11ip ties his bike to the railing and wanders over to Expletive.
Expletive Deleted: Hello Phi11ip, are you excited?
Phi11ip: Yeah, you know how it is.
Expletive Deleted: Um, sure. Did you bring any luxury items with you?
Phi11ip: I brought my thongs, my make up, and of course my platform shoes!
- Camera pans down to see Phi11ip standing in 9-inch high platform shoes.
Expletive Deleted: Impressive stuff, Phi11ip please make your way into the house.
- A taxi screeches into the Special Reserve Big Brother car park. A woman gets out and pays the cabbie, the sprints over to Expletive Deleted.
Expletive Deleted: I take it you are Rosalind?
Rosalind: Yeah! How did you know that!
Expletive Deleted: I’m the presenter….
Rosalind: Oh wow really! Cool! I’m Rosalind!
Expletive Deleted: I know… how do you feel about going into the Big Brother house?
Rosalind: I’m so excited; it’s the first time I’ve ever been away from home!
Expletive Deleted: That’s…nice. Did you bring any luxury items with you?
Rosalind: What items?
Expletive Deleted: Special items, did you even bring a suitcase?
Rosalind: I didn’t know we were allowed to bring stuff
Expletive Deleted: *Shakes head* - Of course you were allowed. Never mind. Can you please make your way to the house.
Rosalind: What house?
Expletive Deleted: That one *points*
Rosalind: Ohhhh that one! Sure!
- The camera zooms out from the crowd and focuses on a private jet flying high above the Special Reserve house. The plane gradually gets lower and lower and comes in to land on a custom lading strip near the house. The plane doors open and Meka Dragon gets out in his Armani suit, been closely monitored by two bodyguards.
Expletive Deleted: Hello Meka Dragon, how do you feel about going into the big brother house?
Meka Dragon: I shall win
Expletive Deleted: But how do you feel?
Meka Dragon: I feel like I will win
Expletive Deleted: Did you bring any luxury items with you?
Meka Dragon: Well, I was going to bring some expensive suits and a change of underwear, but I decided I would bring my ‘friends’ with me.
Expletive Deleted: What do you mean ‘friends’ ?
Meka Dragon: Take a look for yourself, *Opens suitcase containing 35 GADs*
Expletive Deleted: Woah, nice hoard you have there!
Meka Dragon: Yes, yes it is. Now where’s the house I’m staying in?
Expletive Deleted: Its just over there *points*
Meka Dragon: Aha! I see, Ill go in then, shall I?
Expletive Deleted: Sure, go ahead
- Meka Dragon struts into the house with his suitcase full of GADs as the crowd boo him In a jealous rage.
Expletive Deleted: Well folks, they were our five contestants for Special Reserve Big Brother, who wins? You decide!
Day 1:
8:15AM:
Big Brother: Will someone please come to the diary room.
- Everyone in the house is asleep.
Big Brother: Will someone please come to the damn diary room!
Absolut Neó: What? Who’s that? Oh, I’m in that stupid house.
- Absolut Neó gets out of bed and stumbles into the diary room.
Big Brother: Hello Absolut Neó, how are you this morning?
Absolut Neó: I’m crap; I’d rather be dead.
Big Brother: I’m sorry to hear that Neó, anyway, will you tell the housemates that today you will be set a task in which you will be required to perform a circus act?
Absolut Neó: Ok then
Big Brother: Thank you
9:35 AM:
- The housemates are all up and gathered around the breakfast table. Rosalind is trying to work out how to open the cereal box, Drunk Cow is applying her makeup, Absolut Neó is mimicking overdosing himself on cheerio’s, Phi11ip is filing his nails and Meka Dragon is pawing his copy of Tekken 4.
Drunk Cow: Does this pyjama top make me look fat?
Phi11ip: No sugar, you look delightful
Drunk Cow: Thanks, wanna hook up?
Phi11ip: No sugar, I don’t swing that way!
Drunk Cow: Damn.
- Rosalind slams the cereal box down and cries.
Phi11ip: Do you want me to open it for you?
Absolut Neó: What’s the point, we might as well just die of starvation
Phi11ip: *Looks oddly at Neó*
11:20AM:
Big Brother: The hot water is now switched on for one hour.
- Drunk Cow runs over to the bathroom and gets in the shower.
- Gerbilman (Cameraman #1) is filming Drunk Cow from behind the bathroom mirror
Gerbilman: Oh yeah baby, that’s the stuff…
- Drool from Gerbilman’s mouth collects on the floor and as he moves to film Drunk Cow bending over he slips making a loud noise.
Drunk Cow: What was that! Oh no! Pervert!
- Drunk Cow runs into the living room naked, screaming.
Phi11ip: What is it sugar? Whats wrong?
Drunk Cow: There something in the bathroom and it tried to get me!
Absolut Neó: We can only hope it’s an axe murderer who kills us all
Phi11ip: Who are you always so negative; maybe you should let Phi11ip cheer you up
- Phi11ip starts to massage Absolut Neó’s shoulders, Absolut Neó looks at Phi11ip then punches him right in the face
Phi11ip: Why did you do that!
Absolut Neó: I’m straight; if you do that again then I’ll kill myself.
Phi11ip: Damn
Drunk Cow: Did someone say they’re straight? Me too!
Absolut Neó: I’m straight
Drunk Cow: Wanna hook up?
Absolut Neó: I was hoping you’d say that, if you hadn’t I would have killed myself.
- Drunk Cow and Absolut Neó walk off to the bedroom hand-in-hand
11:32 AM:
Absolut Neó: What do you mean its not the right shape?
Drunk Cow: Its triangular, you aren’t putting that inside me!
Absolut Neó: Fine, I didn’t want to anyway!
Big Brother: Later today you each have to nominate one of your fellow housemates to be up for eviction.
Absolut Neó: If I get voted out I’ll kill myself.
- Meka Dragon, who has been silent all day, stands up and walks to the diary room.
Big Brother: Hello Meka Dragon, what’s wrong?
Meka Dragon: There aren’t enough competitions in the house
Big Brother: There’s a task later today, didn’t Absolut Neó tell you?
Meka Dragon: No
Big Brother: You each have to perform a circus trick each
Meka Dragon: Oh, ok.
1:49 PM:
- The housemates are practising their circus tricks.
- Drunk Cow is doing a pole dance, Meka Dragon is taming the frozen peas, Phi11ip is disco dancing, Absolut Neó is juggling knives and Rosalind is on the floor crying.
Phi11ip: What’s wrong Rosalind?
Rosalind: I cant do any tricks!
Phi11ip: Oh, you must be pretty stupid
Rosalind: *bursts into tears*
Phi11ip: Oh sugar I didn’t mean that, Ill teach you how to disco dance!
Rosalind: Really!?
Phi11ip: Sure thing sugar!
3:30PM:
Big Brother: Can the housemates please make their way to the living area and perform the circus tasks.
- Rosalind and Phi11ip begin their disco-dancing extravaganza and Rosalind keeps stepping on Phi11ip’s feet. But Big Brother is impressed anyway.
- Meka Dragon walks to the middle of the floor with his top hat on and tames the frozen peas, leaving everyone gob smacked.
-Absolut Neó stand in the middle of the floor and furiously juggles knives for 20 whole minutes. He is furious when he realises he doesn’t have a single cut on his body
-Finally Drunk Cow drags her exotic dancing pole to the middle of the floor and seductively dances for the housemates and Big Brother.
Phi11ip: Wow, that’s almost enough the make me straight!
Absolut Neó: Yeah, I nearly went to bed with her.
4:00PM:
Big Brother – Well done housemates you all passes the circus trick task. We were going to give you a reward but we haven’t opened the phonelines to the public yet so we have no spare money, sorry!
Absolut Neó: That’s enough to make me want to kill myself.
Phi11ip: That’s despicable! Utterly despicable, worse than the YMCA!
Meka Dragon: I want a prize, I NEED a prize!
6:00PM:
Big Brother: Can Rosalind please make her way to the diary room.
-Rosalind shuffles over to the diary room
Big Brother: Hello Rosalind, could you please nominate one person for eviction
Rosalind: Um, erm, do I have to?
Big Brother: Yes, it’s the rules.
Rosalind: Oh, erm, ok, I nominate Drunk Cow because she’s too flirty
Big Brother: Ok thank you Rosalind. Can Drunk Cow please come to the diary room
- Drunk Cow struts over to the diary room and sit down in the chair
Big Brother: Drunk Cow, can you tell us who you want to nominate to leave the house
Drunk Cow: Phi11ip, he is gay
Big Brother: Thank you Drunk cow, can Absolut Neó please come to the diary room
- Absolut Neó walks slowly to the diary room with his head down.
Big Brother: Hello Absolut Neó, who would you like to nominate for eviction?
Absolut Neó: I nominate Meka Dragon because he is a better person than me, I’m a nothing! I wish I was dead!
Big Brother: Erm, ok, thank you, can Phi11ip please come to the diary room
- Phi11ip dances over to the diary room and bounds into the chair.
Phi11ip: Hi big brother! Are you really as big as I’ve been told?
Big Brother: Shut up, can you tell us who you want to nominate for eviction today?
Phi11ip: I want to get rid of Meka Dragon, he keeps giving me the evil eye!
Big Brother: Ok thanks Phi11ip, can Meka Dragon please come to the diary room
- Meka Dragon hurries to the diary room and leaps into the chair
Big Brother: Hello Meka Dragon, who would you like to nominate to leave the house?
Meka Dragon: Everyone
Big Brother: You cant nominate everyone!
Meka Dragon: Really, oh. Ill nominate Phi11ip then, he is a bit gay.
Big Brother: Ok, thank you Meka Dragon
7:00PM:
Big Brother: The following people are up for eviction tonight…. In alphabetical order… Phi11ip and…. Meka Dragon.
Phi11ip: How could you guys, I am so offended!
Meka Dragon: I don’t believe it, I still have a chance of winning though.
Drunk Cow: Meka, you cant go, you’re the only chance of a shag I have left!
Meka Dragon: Oh.
Drunk Cow: Wanna hook up now?
Meka Dragon: Ok, if I get a prize
Drunk Cow: Sure hun, whatever!
- Drunk Cow and Meka Dragon go off to the bedroom together.
Rosalind: What does nominate mean?
Phi11ip: Choose
Rosalind: Oh, what does eviction mean?
Phi11ip: It means leave
Rosalind: Oh, what does…
Absolut Neó: Shut up will you, you’re the biggest idiot I have ever met!
Phi11ip: Oh don’t be mean!
- Rosalind runs out into the garden and Phi11ip runs after her.
9:00PM:
Big Brother: The public have voted and the decision has been made, the first person to leave the Special Reserve Big Brother house is… Meka Dragon.
Meka Dragon: I didn’t win!? How dare you, you haven’t seen the last of me
- Meka Dragon storms out of the house
Phi11ip: Phew, I’m still in.
Drunk Cow: Lets all get drunk and go down on each other…
Day 2
11:41AM:
- Everyone in the house is still sleeping and Gerbilman is filming Drunk Cow from behind a mirror
Gerbilman: Oh Drunk Cow, you are so perfect I love you
Big Brother: Wake up everyone! Quickly!
-Drunk Cow sits bolt upright in bed, Gerbilman gets shocked and falls over creating a large thud from behind the mirror.
Big Brother: Housemates beware; there is a madman in the house! He slipped our minimalistic security and has gained access!
Rosalind: We all going to die!
Absolut Neó: Lets hope so
Phi11ip: Its ok guys, I know kung fu, or is that karma sutra…?
-Little Hobbo kicks the bedroom door down and shouts, “Im gonna get you all, hahaha”
Phi11ip: *Sigh* Why are the cute ones always psychotic
-Little Hobbo runs over to Drunk Cow and is about to hit her with the kettle, when all of a sudden Gerbilman smashes through the mirror through which he was filming and wallops Little Hobbo over the head with his camera.
Drunk Cow: You saved me, you’re my hero!
Gerbilman: Anything for a beauty like you
Drunk Cow: Wanna hook up?
Gerbilman: You’re damn right I do!
Drunk Cow: Cool, I’m sick of this house anyway, lets get a hotel room.
-Drunk Cow and Gerbilman leave the house together in search of a hotel room.
Phi11ip: Is that manic fan dead?
Little Hobbo: Owww my head
Absolut Neó: He’s still alive, lets hope he is still bloodthirsty
Rosalind: Kill him!
Absolut Neó: No, you kill him
Rosalind: Phi11ip, you kill him!
Phi11ip: Ok sugar, just calm down and I’ll get rid of this awful, awful man
- Phi11ip goes into the Special Reserve Big Brother garden and retrieves a rusty fence post.
Phi11ip: Ok will this do the job?
Absolut Neó: It better do, if you don’t kill him, I’ll kill myself.
-Phi11ip drives the rusty fence post right through the heart of Little Hobbo
Rosalind: Whats that sound?
-A whirring sound gets louder and louder above the house
Phi11ip: Don’t ask me
Absolut Neó: I got no idea
- A large crash makes the housemates flock to the living room where they find 8 FBI officers holding flash bangs and AK47’s.
FBI officer #1: Phi11ip, take 3 steps forward and place your hands behind your head
- Phi11ip does as he is asked, the FBI officers handcuff him and push him to the ground
FBI officer #1: You are under arrest for class A murder.
Phi11p: But, but….
FBI officer #1: But nothing! You’re a cold blooded killer and your coming with us
- The FBI officers disappear through a hole in the ceiling and they leave in their FBI helicopter.
Absolut Neó: I wish they’d have taken me
Rosalind: Where’s Phi11ip?
Absolut Neó: The FBI just took him?
Rosalind: The who?
Absolut Neó: The FBI, the guys with the helicopter and the guns.
Rosalind: Oh, I see.
Big Brother: Because of the recent…mishaps… in the house, tonight the public will vote who wins and who loses the competition.
Absolut Neó: If I lose I’ll kill myself
Rosalind: What competition?
Absolut Neó: The Big Brother thing…
Rosalind: It’s a competition?
Absolut Neó: Yeah, you win a free game worth up to £50
Rosalind: Wow!
8:15PM:
Big Brother: Rosalind and Absolut Neó, can you make your way to the living area of the house.
- Absolut Neó emerges from the bathroom and sits on the sofa; Rosalind is nowhere to be found.
Big Brother: Rosalind, can you please come to the living area?
Rosalind: I’m stuck
Absolut Neó: Where are you stuck?
Rosalind: The garden
- Absolut Neó walks into the garden to find Rosalind sat on the floor
Absolut Neó: How are you stuck?
Rosalind: My shoelaces are undone
Absolut Neó: Well, tie them
Rosalind: I don’t know how
- Absolut Neó begrudgingly ties Rosalind’s shoelaces for her then they go back to the living area.
Big Brother: Right, are you all done now?
Absolut Neó: Yea
Rosalind: Yes big brother!
Big Brother: Ok, the public have voted for the winner of Special Reserve Big Brother 2003.
Rosalind: *Gasps*
Absolut Neó: If I don’t win I’ll kill myself.
Big Brother: The public have chosen the winner, and that winner is… Absolut Neó!
Absolut Neó: Great, if I hadn’t won I’d have killed myself.
Rosalind: What did you win?
Absolut Neó: Special Reserve Big Brother!
Rosalind: Oh, well done.
Absolut Neó: Thanks
Big Brother: Rosalind can you please leave the Special Reserve Big Brother house
Rosalind: OK
- Rosalind walks out of the house, trips down the stairs and lands in a puddle. The paramedics run over and put her into an ambulance and drive away with incredible haste.
Expletive Deleted: Well folks, I’m about to go into the house and meet the winner, Absolut Neó!
- Crowd scream madly as Expletive runs into the house armed with a microphone.
Expletive Deleted: Hello Absolut Neó, how does it feel to be the winner of the Special Reserve Big Brother 2003?
Absolut Neó: Its feels alright
Expletive Deleted: And what will you be choosing for your prize? Remember it can be any software worth up to £50!
Absolut Neó: Ill choose, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
Expletive Deleted: Good choice! – Oh, and as well as your prize you get to meet the one and only, Big Brother himself
Absolut Neó: Great, I’d rather kill myself though
Big Brother: Will Absolut Neó please come to the diary room?
- Absolut Neó gets up and goes to the diary room; he opens the door and find the chair facing away from him. The chair begins to spin around and sat in the chair is none other than Tony.
Absolut Neó: T-Tony?
Tony: Hello Absolut Neó, I am Morpheu… I mean, big brother.
Absolut Neó: Hi
Tony: Ok, go away now
Absolut Neó: Fine
- Absolut Neó walks out of the diary room and goes back to Expletive Deleted.
Expletive Deleted: Now we have to go and meet the fans
Absolut Neó: Do we have to?
Expletive Deleted: Yes
Absolut Neó: I’d rather be dead
- Absolut Neó and Expletive Deleted go out of the house and are surrounded by hundreds of screaming fans. Absolut Neó signs a few autographs when things start to get out of hand.
Rabbit<>K: Absolut Neó! Absolut Neó! I’m your biggest fan! I love you!
Absolut Neó: Thanks
- Rabbit<>K Leaps the barrier and starts hugging Absolut Neó
Absolut Neó: Argh, get him off me!
Rabbit<>K: I love you Absolut Neó!
Absolut Neó: Get off me you crazy fool!
- The bodyguards move in and beat Rabbit<>K to death with their truncheons.
Absolut Neó: Phew, I’m glad. He could have killed me!
Expletive Deleted: I thought that was what you wanted?
Absolut Neó: No, that was just an act.
Expletive Deleted: Oh, you freak
Absolut Neó: *grins* But I got the GAD didn’t I!
Expletive Deleted: *sighs* It proves the lengths to which people are willing to go to win a free game.
- Expletive Deleted and Absolut Neó walk off into the sunset together
Tony: Will someone please come to the diary room? … Hello? …Someone!
- Diary room door slowly squeaks open
Gerrid: Hello Tony
Tony: Hey! What are you doing here!
Gerrid: Well, we’re here all alone, together…
- Gerrid slams the diary room door shut and Tony’s muffled screams echo around the empty building.
The End
-Kyz²²-
Page:
lol, thankyou everyone. Phi11ip, no offence with making you the camp one, your character was great anyway! :-)
*bursts out crying*
*Ba-dum-tisch*
Actually, that was pretty good.
Actually, that was pretty good.
If you don't win GAD - im gonna kill myself...
:-)
:-)
Good post.
Weren't the first Special reserve Big brother though ;)
Weren't the first Special reserve Big brother though ;)
Just read it Kyz, great post, pure quality. Good ending too, real funny. (No offense gerrid)
Thankyou everyone :-)
Heh - that was really good
definatly a worthy read.
nice one.
definatly a worthy read.
nice one.
Brilliant post there Kyz22.
Page: