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"And on a lighter note"

Why are people so down on drugs in The Olympics?
Why is it a bad thing?
Apart from sport-heads and sexual deviants, who watches the Olympics?
And why nobody watches it is? That's right, it's boring.

"See these people run, run people run"
"See these people jump, jump people jump"
(you see the pattern emerging here)

Now, to gain massive viewing figures and thereby increase ad revenue, here's a suggestion:
Make drug consumption compulsory.
Lots of drugs.
Be honest now, who are the most memorable figures from recent sporting history?
Eddie The Eagle (he was crap)
That Samoan sprinter (he was crap)
That Nigerian swimmer (he was crap)

But you watched because it was at least interesting, it was a talking point wasn't it? Much more interesting than
"Boy did you see that guy win gold in the 100m sprint?"
"Yeah, he sure ran faster than everyone else didn't he?"
"Yeah, that's why he won."

Imagine it:
The 1500 metres Sprint sponsored by Pot
"And they're off. Well, two of them are, the rest are sitting about talking about Pink Floyd. And here comes, what's this? A pizza van."

150 meter freestyle swim sponsored by Special Brew
"Lane 3 has stopped and is vomiting copiously and waving the rest on. Lane 4 has cramped and is swimming in circles, he's quite obviously trolleyed"

Boxing on Ecstasy
"Round 1. They're both hugging each other and gurning, here comes the corner man with some water. And now Leftfield has taken the lead and is singing some crap about lager lager lager shouting lager lager lager. Now they're dancing and wearing nappies and dummies"

It would just be more interesting, that's all I'm saying.

(Drugs are obviously bad for you and so much as a sniff of weed will turn you into a rapist murderer that steals stuff to pay for gear. Just say No folks! (what time are we meeting down the pub?))

Hey, I like running.

I rule at the 100m. Well, to a reasonable extent.

I reckon that instead of knocking off a stick in high-jump, they should be forced to make it over an ever increasing wall of lasers. And it should be re-named 'Death-jump'.

There could be a new event:

Take Acid and jump off a bridge thinking you can fly.

Biggest splat wins.

There's a headline in this Onion book I have:

"Sports Committee to make Olympic-enhancing drugs compulsory to viewers"

That about sums it up.

yeah, but on the other side of that argument:

"How do you feel now you've won gold in shot putting"
"I cant feel my head and huge sharks are behind you."

"Did you feel at all like you would lose that race?"
"I was in a race? Cool, who won?"

"So you feel like you've earned your place here by winning?"
"Got any crisps?"

It would rock

Yeah, but can you imagine the interviews afterwards?

Me and my mate were so wasted...blah blah blah.

Damn drugs bores, don't they get that all their stories are the kind of "You had to be there" types of things that just don't recycle well?

I switch off from any story that begins with either "We'd been drinking all day and..."

Or

"My God we were So wasted, you won't believe what we did..."

Jimmy Duck wrote:
> When i was on holiday they was a pinball machine with that on.

of all places to adverticse :)

When i was on holiday they was a pinball machine with that on.

A mate used to have a sticker in his car saying 'Winners Don't Use Drugs'.

And they used to advertise it on pinball machines.

How odd.

that woild be quite funny..