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"Rant. (Not a lame imitation of one)"

In a bad mood so it’s time for a rant.

Bottled Water.
Why? Why buy bottled water? I resent having to shell out my money for stuff that falls from the sky. I’m not stupid, I’ve seen water falling down all the time, I don’t care if it has filtered through igneous bloody rocks in La Trine, Belgium or some poxy place. It’s still water. And I refuse to pay for a natural resource that sustains life.
Here’s an idea I’m patenting: Air.
It’s natural, good for you and only £1.99 for a 500ml bottle. Send me cheques and I’ll send you bottles of air.

The Gym.
Why is it the only people I ever see going to a gym don’t need to go there? Fat people don’t go to the gym, they stay at home or do step classes in local community halls because they feel embarrassed. Well to hell with that, why should only the rich posing yuppie gimps go to gyms, whilst those that need to hide away? Go mob handed, take over those little rowing machines and stair-masters.
That really, really winds me up. Why use a rowing machine? Why not go row a real boat? That way you get outside in the fresh air and can have a picnic as well. Stairmasters? Do me a favour, don’t pay £200 per quarter to use one of those in a gym, instead go to any inner-city tower block and run up to the 15th floor whilst delivering food to the people that cant afford to use those machines.
It’s not keeping fit, it’s keeping up with The Jones’,

Garages.
Now, I seem to be in a minority of people that go to a garage because I need petrol for my car in order to keep it running.
Most other people seem to go there to get their lottery tickets ( you are NOT going to win, it’s a plot to keep you inside on a Saturday night watching television,do you anyone that has ever won more than £1000? Exactly), stock up on barbeque fuel and other crap.
The only garage near me is now a Summerfield “One-Stop” thing.
Which means not only is the forecourt choked with cars not using the pumps, but I have to wait for 10 minutes to pay for petrol whilst some cow person buys 17 items in the “Fuel and 5 Items or Less” line.
It also means that gangs of stupid kids hang around outside asking me to buy fags for them, and get moody when I reverse over their heads as I leave.

There will be more to come when my head stops hurting.

In a bad mood so it’s time for a rant.

Bottled Water.
Why? Why buy bottled water? I resent having to shell out my money for stuff that falls from the sky. I’m not stupid, I’ve seen water falling down all the time, I don’t care if it has filtered through igneous bloody rocks in La Trine, Belgium or some poxy place. It’s still water. And I refuse to pay for a natural resource that sustains life.
Here’s an idea I’m patenting: Air.
It’s natural, good for you and only £1.99 for a 500ml bottle. Send me cheques and I’ll send you bottles of air.

The Gym.
Why is it the only people I ever see going to a gym don’t need to go there? Fat people don’t go to the gym, they stay at home or do step classes in local community halls because they feel embarrassed. Well to hell with that, why should only the rich posing yuppie gimps go to gyms, whilst those that need to hide away? Go mob handed, take over those little rowing machines and stair-masters.
That really, really winds me up. Why use a rowing machine? Why not go row a real boat? That way you get outside in the fresh air and can have a picnic as well. Stairmasters? Do me a favour, don’t pay £200 per quarter to use one of those in a gym, instead go to any inner-city tower block and run up to the 15th floor whilst delivering food to the people that cant afford to use those machines.
It’s not keeping fit, it’s keeping up with The Jones’,

Garages.
Now, I seem to be in a minority of people that go to a garage because I need petrol for my car in order to keep it running.
Most other people seem to go there to get their lottery tickets ( you are NOT going to win, it’s a plot to keep you inside on a Saturday night watching television,do you anyone that has ever won more than £1000? Exactly), stock up on barbeque fuel and other crap.
The only garage near me is now a Summerfield “One-Stop” thing.
Which means not only is the forecourt choked with cars not using the pumps, but I have to wait for 10 minutes to pay for petrol whilst some cow person buys 17 items in the “Fuel and 5 Items or Less” line.
It also means that gangs of stupid kids hang around outside asking me to buy fags for them, and get moody when I reverse over their heads as I leave.

There will be more to come when my head stops hurting.

I've been on my hols in malta and just come back. When we were there all we drank was bottled water because the tap water was well salty.
Though the hotel was kind and kept it cheap though they could have jacked up the price. I would have.....
The gargages lead me to a harry hil joke:

"ok, your at the garage and you know the car takes unleaded, but there you are stuffing it full of carchoal brickettes"

I hate bottled water, it's a rip-off yes, and it's also pointless when we have taps, plumming and a fridge at home!
All you have to do is get a cup full of tap water to drink, their really seems to be no difference! And you can stick it in the fridge for a while to make it nice and cool.
Or, if you want it pure, you can boil it at exactly 100 degrees.

There surely isn't anything wrong with drinking tap water, unless of course your pipes are clogged full of sh...

"cow people"

Oh how I love that phrase.

Changing Rooms came on the TV the other day, so I asked Malibu what kind of animals would like this program.

She replied "moo cows"

Followed by

"piggies"

some time later.

Damn my kids do rule.

I hate to break it to you but you can actually buy fresh ait in a can. It was on Watchdog and I saw it in a supermarket. What kind of yuppies actually buy it I have no idea but it looked like one or two had been sold.

I tell you, people will buy anything if you tell them they need it.

It was actually Oxygen, not air. £5 for a can and clubbers like it apparantly.

Says it all really.

Fog lights.

Bloody hate them. Little poxy, spotty kids in their 1.0 litre vauxhall novas and fog lights.

Why? Unless its foggy, why put the funning things on?

You look stupid. Is it some vain attempt to actually feel like you have a nob larger than a centimeter? Well it works but only coz you turn into one large total nob.

And while you're at it, don't drive a quarter of an inch from my *bum* expecting me to move over. I'll rip ya legs off any day of the week.

Oh, and sell your stereo and sub woofers etc and buy a decent car with the millions you'll probably get for it.

Runts.

What's wrong with going to the gym?

I went while I was at uni, because I didn't want to get fat as I was drinking a lot and eating unhealthily - pizzas, burgers etc. Why wait until you're fat before going to the gym? Why not go to stop you getting fat in the first place?

Also, going to the gym is a great hangover cure, you really sweat it all out, so you can go down the pub for a beer at luncht time...

Also, it's cheaper to join a gym to go rowing than it is to buy a boat and go on a river. £25 a year for our uni gym, not bad, eh?

Also, going to the gym is relaxing. You don't have to think about anything for the hour or so you're there. Your body is knackered by the end of it, but your mind is relaxed and clear.

Sound stupid? Give it a go and see how you do.

Oh, and you don't have to just go to the gym, you can go swimming or go out for a bike ride instead, all great exercise and all quite cheap.

Or would you prefer to swim in a river, which is free? You may have to share it with all the rats and things though...

You'd be lucky to find a gym for £25 a month nowadays though!

Unless you intend to spend all your life at Uni.

You missed off 'people ranting on forums'. In cyberspace, noone can hear you scream. (Unless you record it as a .wav file maybe).