The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
It has to be said really. I'm trotting along my gaming beach on PS2 horseback, a world of adventure and freedom opening up in front of me. And there it is. Rising out of the horizon, an icon of all that is American and apple pie.
I can't quite believe what I'm seeing, so get a bit closer, only to gape in wonder as the ramifications of what I'm seeing become clearer.
I thought the gaming industry had learnt its lessons, that never again would it inflict upon gamers the woeful kind of destruction that was Barbie Race and Ride. But there she is, right there, on my horizon, large as life.
Yes, Britney's Dance Beat is coming out in May. On all formats. There's no escaping it. There will be no collateral damage. All gamers will be tainted.
The most annoying thing for me is, this game actually looks quite good. I've seen a couple of gameplay videos, and the action centres around performing button presses and combinations of buttons and the D-pad in time to a little sweeping hand that swipes around a little semi-quaver clock at the bottom left of your screen, one revolution per bar of music.
The sound is sickly sweet, all your actions are performed to Britney singing her most famous tracks including 'Stronger' and 'Oops I Did It Again' etc., with a Britney-like squeaky voice injecting the occaisional "C'mon now!" and "Perfect!" by way of encouragement. This Britney-like voice sounds unerringly like Barbie in Barbie Race and Ride by the way. Or maybe I'm just getting a little psychotic.
As for the graphics? Well, how can you go wrong with a bikini-clad Britney doing pelvic thrusts in bonus levels? In the main game you've got a camera panning around your dancer giving you the odd glimpse of a video screen in the background playing the accompanying original video for the current track.
And all you have to do is get a high enough score to eventually end up in Britney's dance troupe. Has ANY game ever offered such an outstanding reward for consistently great gameplay? I think not. Even the epic and protracted ending to MGS2: Sons of Liberty will pale in comparison to the finale of Britney's Dance Beat.
This is going to sell faster than Britney's used underwear on e-Bay. But at least I'm now prepared. When Barbie came out I didn't get any warning, it was just THERE on the shelf, and it's nauseating gameplay simplicity and 'niceness' was a shock to the system at first. But by carefully limiting my time on the game and attending several counselling sessions and self-help groups, I got over it.
This time, I know it's coming. And I know I'm going to buy it, because I always like to have at least one outstanding game in my collection as an example to others. And I've already booked my pre-post traumatic stress disorder avoidance therapy for the next 3 months, so I should be OK.
In the meantime, all I ask is that users of the forums kindly avoid any mention of Barbie, Britney...no, wait, in fact ANY word beginning with the letter 'B', avoid that please. The next 12 weeks will be a Britney strain for me, but have no Britney fear, FM WILL pull through Britney it.
I can't quite believe what I'm seeing, so get a bit closer, only to gape in wonder as the ramifications of what I'm seeing become clearer.
I thought the gaming industry had learnt its lessons, that never again would it inflict upon gamers the woeful kind of destruction that was Barbie Race and Ride. But there she is, right there, on my horizon, large as life.
Yes, Britney's Dance Beat is coming out in May. On all formats. There's no escaping it. There will be no collateral damage. All gamers will be tainted.
The most annoying thing for me is, this game actually looks quite good. I've seen a couple of gameplay videos, and the action centres around performing button presses and combinations of buttons and the D-pad in time to a little sweeping hand that swipes around a little semi-quaver clock at the bottom left of your screen, one revolution per bar of music.
The sound is sickly sweet, all your actions are performed to Britney singing her most famous tracks including 'Stronger' and 'Oops I Did It Again' etc., with a Britney-like squeaky voice injecting the occaisional "C'mon now!" and "Perfect!" by way of encouragement. This Britney-like voice sounds unerringly like Barbie in Barbie Race and Ride by the way. Or maybe I'm just getting a little psychotic.
As for the graphics? Well, how can you go wrong with a bikini-clad Britney doing pelvic thrusts in bonus levels? In the main game you've got a camera panning around your dancer giving you the odd glimpse of a video screen in the background playing the accompanying original video for the current track.
And all you have to do is get a high enough score to eventually end up in Britney's dance troupe. Has ANY game ever offered such an outstanding reward for consistently great gameplay? I think not. Even the epic and protracted ending to MGS2: Sons of Liberty will pale in comparison to the finale of Britney's Dance Beat.
This is going to sell faster than Britney's used underwear on e-Bay. But at least I'm now prepared. When Barbie came out I didn't get any warning, it was just THERE on the shelf, and it's nauseating gameplay simplicity and 'niceness' was a shock to the system at first. But by carefully limiting my time on the game and attending several counselling sessions and self-help groups, I got over it.
This time, I know it's coming. And I know I'm going to buy it, because I always like to have at least one outstanding game in my collection as an example to others. And I've already booked my pre-post traumatic stress disorder avoidance therapy for the next 3 months, so I should be OK.
In the meantime, all I ask is that users of the forums kindly avoid any mention of Barbie, Britney...no, wait, in fact ANY word beginning with the letter 'B', avoid that please. The next 12 weeks will be a Britney strain for me, but have no Britney fear, FM WILL pull through Britney it.
Page:
I don't care what you all think, I'll be getting a copy...
Pants as brittany is, check out the super-smooth graphics!
http://ps2.ign.com/articles/137/137029p1.html
Go to the bottom to the media, then load the "stronger" video.
Pants as brittany is, check out the super-smooth graphics!
http://ps2.ign.com/articles/137/137029p1.html
Go to the bottom to the media, then load the "stronger" video.
Hmm wasn't it the other way about, you bought Barbie and asked her to show you how to play it : )
I can't understand who comes up with these ideas and why people buy them, they should have a barbie first person shopper I mean first person shooter. "Eat lead Ken!"
I can't understand who comes up with these ideas and why people buy them, they should have a barbie first person shopper I mean first person shooter. "Eat lead Ken!"
My niece was with me. I bought Grandia, she wanted Barbie Race and Ride and asked me to show her how to play it.
The rest is history.
The rest is history.
One thing I just don't understand, how did you ever come to play Barbie: Race and Ride in the first place?
Did you just wander into a shop, and buy it?
Did you just wander into a shop, and buy it?
pb wrote:
> So FM, you did notice that SR sell Barbie Adventurer for the PS1, didn't you?
> That'll work on your PS2 you know, oh yes it will...
****** Explorer and ******: Shelly Club are actually quite a step up from the original ****** Race and Ride; although the 2nd one is yet to be released, I've heard they've shot the original voice actor from the first installment, so it's got to be markedly improved.
The PS2 however, what with all its next gen graphics and techincal capabilities, shouldn't have developers slaveing away at producing such paltry games. They should stay on the PSX because 32-bit processing is perfectly adequate for getting your speakers to say "Keeeeeeewwwwwwl" and "I like your clothes" and "Where's Ken?".
This new monstrosity concerning Ms. Spears, whilst undoubtedly appealing to her fans, should be equally appalling for any discerning gamer. So appalling in fact, that I am perfectly willing to buy this one copy and play it to death to save them all the bother. I will martyr myself in this manner for the good of gamers everywhere and to protect the future of gaming.
Developing games today should be about pushing the technological envelope of existing genres, defining new experiences, and above all having fun. Anyone who has played any type of 'follow this button sequence' game will know that the only fun to be had will be from the person watching you play it, as you'll be too busy concentrating on that little 'clock' graphic in the bottom left corner of the screen to actually see any of the main action yourself.
Ms. Spears and her evil empire of pop gloss are simply trying to cash in on an existing genre to enable the said celebrity to afford more sparkle dust rouge blusher for her makeup department. This game in no way will push anything technological other than Ms. Spears hips, and for that reason, and that reason alone, it should have a Gamer Warning on the front cover advising people that this title will be detrimental to their gameplay skills.
> So FM, you did notice that SR sell Barbie Adventurer for the PS1, didn't you?
> That'll work on your PS2 you know, oh yes it will...
****** Explorer and ******: Shelly Club are actually quite a step up from the original ****** Race and Ride; although the 2nd one is yet to be released, I've heard they've shot the original voice actor from the first installment, so it's got to be markedly improved.
The PS2 however, what with all its next gen graphics and techincal capabilities, shouldn't have developers slaveing away at producing such paltry games. They should stay on the PSX because 32-bit processing is perfectly adequate for getting your speakers to say "Keeeeeeewwwwwwl" and "I like your clothes" and "Where's Ken?".
This new monstrosity concerning Ms. Spears, whilst undoubtedly appealing to her fans, should be equally appalling for any discerning gamer. So appalling in fact, that I am perfectly willing to buy this one copy and play it to death to save them all the bother. I will martyr myself in this manner for the good of gamers everywhere and to protect the future of gaming.
Developing games today should be about pushing the technological envelope of existing genres, defining new experiences, and above all having fun. Anyone who has played any type of 'follow this button sequence' game will know that the only fun to be had will be from the person watching you play it, as you'll be too busy concentrating on that little 'clock' graphic in the bottom left corner of the screen to actually see any of the main action yourself.
Ms. Spears and her evil empire of pop gloss are simply trying to cash in on an existing genre to enable the said celebrity to afford more sparkle dust rouge blusher for her makeup department. This game in no way will push anything technological other than Ms. Spears hips, and for that reason, and that reason alone, it should have a Gamer Warning on the front cover advising people that this title will be detrimental to their gameplay skills.
Im damed... Now what!?
So FM, you did notice that SR sell Barbie Adventurer for the PS1, didn't you? That'll work on your PS2 you know, oh yes it will...
Games get endorsed by people with some kind of relation to the genre. Brian lara cricket is the first to mind, i'm sure there are planty more but i'm not going to list them.
So, the dance-mat game. Great, if it's your kind of thing.
One gets endorsed by a performer of a related kind of music. No problem. Maybe, just like brian lara cricket, it's not everyone's kind of game, but nobody's trying to sell it to everyone. Let the pop-cheese-monkey-dancers have their fun : )
So, the dance-mat game. Great, if it's your kind of thing.
One gets endorsed by a performer of a related kind of music. No problem. Maybe, just like brian lara cricket, it's not everyone's kind of game, but nobody's trying to sell it to everyone. Let the pop-cheese-monkey-dancers have their fun : )
I quite look forward to it, especially when the rumours arise about tapping L2 to the beat of 'Hit Me' rendering her nude.
Ha! I wondered when the old fears would arise... :0)
Still, always a chance of a practical joke in the years to come.
(So, the "I've always wanted to play with Britney" jokes... fifth post?)
No, hardly at all now. Somebody will just make one refering to this post, but they won't be able to see it's really not funny... damn, just given them more incentive to post it.
(Sod them. Sod them all. I'm just glad SR doesn't sell Race and Ride.)
I'm betting FM is too, otherwise he would have most definitely be in prison after going postal on the postman.
(Witty, at least for Fog. It's nice to be back.)
I don't think I'll ask where you've been this time.
(Italy.)
Right.
Still, always a chance of a practical joke in the years to come.
(So, the "I've always wanted to play with Britney" jokes... fifth post?)
No, hardly at all now. Somebody will just make one refering to this post, but they won't be able to see it's really not funny... damn, just given them more incentive to post it.
(Sod them. Sod them all. I'm just glad SR doesn't sell Race and Ride.)
I'm betting FM is too, otherwise he would have most definitely be in prison after going postal on the postman.
(Witty, at least for Fog. It's nice to be back.)
I don't think I'll ask where you've been this time.
(Italy.)
Right.
Page: