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We all knew that this time would come, whether we wanted it to or not. Most of us I would assume are in our mid teens, meaning that we have probably grown up with a fair knowledge of computer gaming, and of gaming serials that have gone on for a long time.
The question begs though, when is one game in a serial one game too much. Lets face it, some computer games are dying, losing their appeal (sims expansion packs for one) and so I, the grand torticollis, have compiled what I think would make a best seller "last in series" games, for a few dying computer gaming legacies.
The sims "grow old together": This would be the best sims add on pack ever. A fine end to what is a fine basis of a game. It consists of marrying young, living slow, ad reaching the pinnacle of your little sim's life (90), carrying on giving them orders untill they collapse under their feeble "econo-zimma framz". Carry on making them drink cup after cup of coffee, until they pee themselves. The main attractions of previous sims add ons, have been going downtown/on a holiday, but with "grow old together", you and your deaf wife can visit much calmer and serene locations with less interactivity than ever before! New locations involve the patented "Bench near the pond with the ducks" "class of '28 reunion disco" and the much requested "hospice." At the end, you watch your little man/tart die in either peaceful/dangerous and painful circumstances such as dieing in sleep during the new david attenbourough program, or whilst drinking "one coffee too much". This is one sims expansion pack you cannot afford to miss!
Tomb Raider XXX: After the platforming moneyspinner that is tomb raider has been milked till there is no enjoyment at all, the grand finale (the thirtieth game) would show lara as you have never seen her before (possibly) ... NAKED. After a while, our busty heroin Lara, finally realises that there is more to life then shooting rats and repeating "Ah-ha!" when she bends over to seduce the younger at heart amongst our midst. Wondering what she had done with her life, the millionaire plunderer decides to go for a less dangerous and more fun career. You guessed it. A PORN STAR. Not content with being the most saught after polygonal chick, Lara decides to become a cover girl for "pixelchixs weekly". The game consists of throwing up after every meal to lose weight (precision analog control), and flirting with men (R.P.G extravaganza). Traditional tomb raider elements still remain though. Men with big gold medallions drop big coins onto the floor so that she will to her trademark "Ah-ha" bend over to please them. The game ends with lara dying of silicon poisoning and malnutrion at the same time (flip your way out of that one). Remember pre-pubescent ones, boobies and bullimia do NOT mix.
Harvest moon (n)(europe would never get it anyway): One of nintendo's new trademark "hour long games", harvest moon consists of one hour of non stop gardening, and seemingly spontaneous plot advances (again). Your character is arrested shortly after the beggining of the farming R.P.G, for cruelty to animals. Your cows all develop B.S.E and blow strange bubbles out of their mouths because as it turns out, cows and bubble gum do NOT mix. Your wife leaves you as you are barely self suffifcient, and rely on the goodness of the local baker to cook your own dinners for you. And your annual ghost ancsestor threatens to abandon you for a proper farmer. What else is there to do but for your character to commit suicide. With the help of your friendly cave goblins, your head will soon be "mega golden super scythed" off.
Resident evil (goes on forever): Resident Evil is one of those game series that will forever remain undead. The formula is to leave one plot element missing in the previous game (e.g, the name of your character), then the next game will answer that but conveniently forget to mention something else (e.g, why a police force was named something as stupid as S.T.A.R.S) the buying public, seemingly unaware of this will continue to buy these undying poor zombie games. Long live Resident Evil. actually, I hope the R.E section of capcom get struck by the mr. T virus or whatever they call it.
By the time you read this, these games should already be in development, because of my judgement and that these games would make money. And hopefully, we will all be dead by then.
Ive been torticollis, you've been my audience. Good Night.
Torticollis
The question begs though, when is one game in a serial one game too much. Lets face it, some computer games are dying, losing their appeal (sims expansion packs for one) and so I, the grand torticollis, have compiled what I think would make a best seller "last in series" games, for a few dying computer gaming legacies.
The sims "grow old together": This would be the best sims add on pack ever. A fine end to what is a fine basis of a game. It consists of marrying young, living slow, ad reaching the pinnacle of your little sim's life (90), carrying on giving them orders untill they collapse under their feeble "econo-zimma framz". Carry on making them drink cup after cup of coffee, until they pee themselves. The main attractions of previous sims add ons, have been going downtown/on a holiday, but with "grow old together", you and your deaf wife can visit much calmer and serene locations with less interactivity than ever before! New locations involve the patented "Bench near the pond with the ducks" "class of '28 reunion disco" and the much requested "hospice." At the end, you watch your little man/tart die in either peaceful/dangerous and painful circumstances such as dieing in sleep during the new david attenbourough program, or whilst drinking "one coffee too much". This is one sims expansion pack you cannot afford to miss!
Tomb Raider XXX: After the platforming moneyspinner that is tomb raider has been milked till there is no enjoyment at all, the grand finale (the thirtieth game) would show lara as you have never seen her before (possibly) ... NAKED. After a while, our busty heroin Lara, finally realises that there is more to life then shooting rats and repeating "Ah-ha!" when she bends over to seduce the younger at heart amongst our midst. Wondering what she had done with her life, the millionaire plunderer decides to go for a less dangerous and more fun career. You guessed it. A PORN STAR. Not content with being the most saught after polygonal chick, Lara decides to become a cover girl for "pixelchixs weekly". The game consists of throwing up after every meal to lose weight (precision analog control), and flirting with men (R.P.G extravaganza). Traditional tomb raider elements still remain though. Men with big gold medallions drop big coins onto the floor so that she will to her trademark "Ah-ha" bend over to please them. The game ends with lara dying of silicon poisoning and malnutrion at the same time (flip your way out of that one). Remember pre-pubescent ones, boobies and bullimia do NOT mix.
Harvest moon (n)(europe would never get it anyway): One of nintendo's new trademark "hour long games", harvest moon consists of one hour of non stop gardening, and seemingly spontaneous plot advances (again). Your character is arrested shortly after the beggining of the farming R.P.G, for cruelty to animals. Your cows all develop B.S.E and blow strange bubbles out of their mouths because as it turns out, cows and bubble gum do NOT mix. Your wife leaves you as you are barely self suffifcient, and rely on the goodness of the local baker to cook your own dinners for you. And your annual ghost ancsestor threatens to abandon you for a proper farmer. What else is there to do but for your character to commit suicide. With the help of your friendly cave goblins, your head will soon be "mega golden super scythed" off.
Resident evil (goes on forever): Resident Evil is one of those game series that will forever remain undead. The formula is to leave one plot element missing in the previous game (e.g, the name of your character), then the next game will answer that but conveniently forget to mention something else (e.g, why a police force was named something as stupid as S.T.A.R.S) the buying public, seemingly unaware of this will continue to buy these undying poor zombie games. Long live Resident Evil. actually, I hope the R.E section of capcom get struck by the mr. T virus or whatever they call it.
By the time you read this, these games should already be in development, because of my judgement and that these games would make money. And hopefully, we will all be dead by then.
Ive been torticollis, you've been my audience. Good Night.
Torticollis
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Insane Bartender wrote:
> Whatever you think, I'm not upset that my topic didn't win, but
> instead that this one did. But it matters little, since a week's wages
> for me will buy a dozen and more games.
Must you bring out your 'large wage' in every topic? Just come out and say you have a small peenis! We won't think any less of you!
Well, maybe less of your peenis. Hah.
> Whatever you think, I'm not upset that my topic didn't win, but
> instead that this one did. But it matters little, since a week's wages
> for me will buy a dozen and more games.
Must you bring out your 'large wage' in every topic? Just come out and say you have a small peenis! We won't think any less of you!
Well, maybe less of your peenis. Hah.
Whatever you think, I'm not upset that my topic didn't win, but instead that this one did. But it matters little, since a week's wages for me will buy a dozen and more games.
No Alex, on the contrary, I win.
Look in life.
You suck, Joe :-P
You suck, Joe :-P
El Blokey wrote:
> IB's insults post woz robbed.
eh?
> IB's insults post woz robbed.
eh?
IB's insults post woz robbed.
I won through skill? Ive posted much better than this.
torticollis wrote:
> Me on the other hand, posted on a day with no good GAD attempts at
> all
I think you will find that you are greatly mistaken.
> Me on the other hand, posted on a day with no good GAD attempts at
> all
I think you will find that you are greatly mistaken.
Look Ky, you've won more than me, And the days were different, so on the day that you posted, there could have been a better article.
Me on the other hand, posted on a day with no good GAD attempts at all, so you probably deserved it more than me, so I kind of won by default I suppose.
Me on the other hand, posted on a day with no good GAD attempts at all, so you probably deserved it more than me, so I kind of won by default I suppose.
torticollis wrote:
> Insane Bartender wrote:
> It didn't win because it was a naff post, just like this one.
>
>
> I'm hurt.
U won, shut up!
> Insane Bartender wrote:
> It didn't win because it was a naff post, just like this one.
>
>
> I'm hurt.
U won, shut up!
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