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*hardcore rock music intro*
Hello! I'm Bob Mole
And I'm Chris Quiff
Bob: Welcome to another episode of Calamity Deathmatch, where only the best survive!
Chris: Last week, we had the Developers Conundrum, where we saw the mighty Rare representative, Cheesy Poof, take a good whooping from the boss of Rockstar, Kid Spock.
Bob: Oh yeah! That battle showed entirely what could happen at Deathmatch. It started off with the two slapping each other almost in a friendly manner like sissies and it ended with Cheesy Poof's human genomes scattered all around the arena. It was absolutely disgusting!
Chris: That's right Bob, but that's the norm here at.. Calamity Deathmatch! So what have we got in store for today, Joe?
*hardcore rock music plays*
Joe: Oh it's gonna another night of chaos here in the arena as we have got together two of the most competitive games developers in the industry, the multi-billionaire Microsoft and the multi-softness of Nintendo.
The newly trained Samurai, Sensei Miyamoto says he has longed for this opportunity of revenge all of his life. He says that Micorosoft was his initial idea in which Bill Gates stole from him during a friendly conversation in Harvard. However, Bill says, and I quote "That is a whole lot of hubba baloo". Could he have put it any simpler? And it's not only Mr Miyamoto that's got some tricks up his sleeves because you would never have know but Bill Gates himself, the man that once wore Gandhi sandles for his graduation, confined himself to one whole year of intensive training in the Shaolin Temple. He ate nothing but fungi and didn't even break a sweat. I say, Shigeru, WATCH OUT!
Bob: Thanks there Joe! And I'll tell you what Chris, I bet no ones ever seen Mr Miyamoto like that before, dressed.. in a dress! What was he thinking? This is a deathmatch, not a snow white panto!
Chris: *chuckles* And we thought we'd seen it all here at Deathmatch. Bill really needs to change those ten by ten, square glasses he keeps wearing. Someone might think he's a geek or something.
Bob: He i.. oh. *giggles* Let's now hand over to Julie, who's got the latest backstage. Julie?
Julie: Thanks guys! I'm here backstage ready to talk to Mr Miyamoto, who I must say did look quite cool in those high heels. Let's go now. Oooh, damn wedgy!
Oh there's Shigeru Miyamoto now. Hey Mr Miyamoto!
Shigsy: Dojo may hung.
*silence*
That means you're standing on my tooooes you jam tart! Aya!
Julie: Ooops!
Shigsy: *grumbles*
Julie: Anyway, what is your main tactic for winning against Bill Gates?
Shigsy: I have planned to slap him across the face and say "Hey! Leave Mario out of this! This is between me and you, you, you .. bad man!" And if that doesn't work, I'll give him the old niple twist.
Julie: Ookaay, great tactics there from Shigeru. Where did you get that skirt from by the way, you look hot!
Shigsy: I made it, like almost everything I have
Julie: I should've known. Anyway, nice talking to you, and good luck tonight.
Shigsy: Chen
Julie: Yeah, whatever. Let's now head over to the other side of the arena, where I'm receiving reports that Bill is meditating in a cage. This place is like a mad house!
Minutes later...
*whispers* There he is, secluded in the shade, in his cage which seems to be surrounded with about a dozen Intel chips.. this is some scary sh
*taps on cage*
Bill! Bill! Can you hear me?
*Bill slowly awakes from meditation*
Gatesy: Yes. How can I help you?
Julie: We just wanted to know how you've been feeling towards the fight tonight, and the rumours.
Gatesy: I'm feeling better than ever. That man is going pay for those rumours he spread about me in Harvard. I swear, I never even had a hoover in my bedroom, not even a Dyson.
Julie: What? I meant about the whole Microsoft idea thing!
Gatesy: Oh
Julie: Moving swiftly onwards, tell us your tactics for tonight.
Gatesy: Well, I've learnt many new things since my confinement in the Temple, and I believe I have come out a better person. That is why I am going to kill that (bleep) son of a (bleep) because he (bleeeeeeeeeeeep).
*with Bill still going nuts in the background*
Julie: That's the highlight backstage. Back to you guys in the studio! ~okay you can shutup now you freak! euwww, what is that~
Bob: Yeeah, thanks there Julie! And you see I was right. That man is not all here.
Chris: Still, I wouldn't want to meet those guys in a dark alley.
Bob: No one would, they're insane!
Chris: *chuckles* It's time now to witness D-Day for gamers everywhere! The match brace-faced freaks all over the world have been waiting most of their lonesome lives to see ... it's 'Sensei' Shigeru Miyamoto who has been training day after day on his GameCube for this night, against 'Hill Billy' Gates who had resorted to strict, intense training in Shaolin Temple. Microsoft Vs Nintendo. This battle decides it all!
Bob: Damn right Chris! Let's now head over to centre ring.
*crowd erupts*
Joe: Oh the crowd is going wild here guys, as any minute now we will see the first of the constestants enter centre stage.
Seconds later...
*Moby music plays*
Joe: And here he is now, wearing pink flares, a leopard shirt and those ten by ten sunglasses you were talking about.. it's Biiiill Gaaaates! And what's that thing on his head? Is that an afroe? I think it is. And it looks like he's got some kind of fish tank underneath his pimp clogs, all this could be part of his fight tactics tonight.
*Gatesy punches and kicks the air repeatedly*
Crowd person #1: *dribbles* Woooo! Yeah! Go Bill!
Crowd person #2: Hey shutup you unshaven punk! Shigeru will immulsify the deluded scum!
Joe: It's hotting up now because OH! Here comes Shigeru now, who appears to be sprinting towards the ring. Woah! He just did a no-handed forwards flip into the ring! This is amazing!
Bob: Okay now Joe, you just calm down and we'll take over from here.
Down at centre stage
Ref: Wesside gentlemen, I'm Ali G and I'm goin to be weferweeing tonite. I want a good dirty fight or else me Julie will deal wiv bofe of you wiv those mean old nasty nails she got.
*Ding! Ding!*
Chris: And we're off!
Bob: Yes, and both men seem to be just waiting for the right time to strike. Any minute now ..any minute now
Ten minutes later
Bob: Any minute n...
Chris: What in the name of Clint Eastwood is going on here? This is supposed to be a damn deathmatch not a staring competition!
*Chris bangs on studio window*
Come one you hippies! Fight already!
Bob: The crowd don't look too pleased either, in fact there seems to be a kid playing on a Gameboy. This is just sick!
Crowd person #1: *dribbles* Bill! If you don't win, and I speak for everyone *dribble* I'm throwing my Xbox away!
Crowd person #2: Here! Dribble on this! *whack*
*sound of butcherism*
Bob: Holy Moly! Bill has almost supernaturally, lept from the stable position he took and with his hands stretched forward he has just clawed Shigeru Miyamoto's body in half!
Chris: Oh my! Come on Sensei, pick your legs up. Yes, that's it!
*wack wack wack wack wack*
Bob: Did you see that? His legs just flew up and malled Bill's head off of his shoulders. The match is looking pretty even now. Hey, wait a minute.. Gatesy's afroe is moving...
Gatesy: Miyamoto! Meet AfroJoe!
Shigsy: Aaaaah!
Chris: ooo, that's gotta hurt. Like a hedgehog, that afro has created certain red holes in Shigeru's face.. the blood is gushing like a fountain.
Bob: That's the way Bill! Tear him apart!
Gatesy: I didn't go to Shaolin for nothing!
Shigsy: Yes.You.Did. Go my little Pikmin!
Gatesy: What the? Go go gagdet Piranha!
Bob: It looks like a swarm of some sort of brightly coloured creatures have stampeded out of Miyamoto's skirt and ooo! Gates has been covered. There's no escape now!
Chris: But wait! It isn't all over! The clogs have split in two and woah! ... are those huge piranhas biting their way towards Shigeru. What is going on here?
Crowd person #1: Oh my beloved Gatesy!
Crowd person #2: Why Miyamoto!!
Bob: This seems to be a sad, sad day for the gaming industry! Bill Gates and Shigeru Miyamoto have almost disappeared into thin air, but really we know that they were both chewed to pieces by creatures who couldn't give a monkeys.
Chris: As I look onto the now bare ring, I know that I will never forget this day, even Ali G's crying.
Ali G: *sniff* Oh, me Julie's gonna kill me *sniff*
* 'Celebrate Good Times' song plays around the arena*
Bob: He's been Chris
Chris: And he's been Bob
Bob: Saying thanks for watching, and goodnight from Deathmatch!
Chris: Good night!
*whilst Celebrate Good Times plays the show out*
Bob: Hey Chris, I've been thinking of getting a Playstation2 for christmas.
Chris: For you?
Bob: No, for the kid.
Chris: Oh, okay. That's a good idea now that the Xbox and GameCube have no future.
Bob: *chuckles* Yeah. I'll drink to that!
*raise glasses of Carlsberg*
Chris: cheers
Bob: cheers
*clink*
THE END
Hello! I'm Bob Mole
And I'm Chris Quiff
Bob: Welcome to another episode of Calamity Deathmatch, where only the best survive!
Chris: Last week, we had the Developers Conundrum, where we saw the mighty Rare representative, Cheesy Poof, take a good whooping from the boss of Rockstar, Kid Spock.
Bob: Oh yeah! That battle showed entirely what could happen at Deathmatch. It started off with the two slapping each other almost in a friendly manner like sissies and it ended with Cheesy Poof's human genomes scattered all around the arena. It was absolutely disgusting!
Chris: That's right Bob, but that's the norm here at.. Calamity Deathmatch! So what have we got in store for today, Joe?
*hardcore rock music plays*
Joe: Oh it's gonna another night of chaos here in the arena as we have got together two of the most competitive games developers in the industry, the multi-billionaire Microsoft and the multi-softness of Nintendo.
The newly trained Samurai, Sensei Miyamoto says he has longed for this opportunity of revenge all of his life. He says that Micorosoft was his initial idea in which Bill Gates stole from him during a friendly conversation in Harvard. However, Bill says, and I quote "That is a whole lot of hubba baloo". Could he have put it any simpler? And it's not only Mr Miyamoto that's got some tricks up his sleeves because you would never have know but Bill Gates himself, the man that once wore Gandhi sandles for his graduation, confined himself to one whole year of intensive training in the Shaolin Temple. He ate nothing but fungi and didn't even break a sweat. I say, Shigeru, WATCH OUT!
Bob: Thanks there Joe! And I'll tell you what Chris, I bet no ones ever seen Mr Miyamoto like that before, dressed.. in a dress! What was he thinking? This is a deathmatch, not a snow white panto!
Chris: *chuckles* And we thought we'd seen it all here at Deathmatch. Bill really needs to change those ten by ten, square glasses he keeps wearing. Someone might think he's a geek or something.
Bob: He i.. oh. *giggles* Let's now hand over to Julie, who's got the latest backstage. Julie?
Julie: Thanks guys! I'm here backstage ready to talk to Mr Miyamoto, who I must say did look quite cool in those high heels. Let's go now. Oooh, damn wedgy!
Oh there's Shigeru Miyamoto now. Hey Mr Miyamoto!
Shigsy: Dojo may hung.
*silence*
That means you're standing on my tooooes you jam tart! Aya!
Julie: Ooops!
Shigsy: *grumbles*
Julie: Anyway, what is your main tactic for winning against Bill Gates?
Shigsy: I have planned to slap him across the face and say "Hey! Leave Mario out of this! This is between me and you, you, you .. bad man!" And if that doesn't work, I'll give him the old niple twist.
Julie: Ookaay, great tactics there from Shigeru. Where did you get that skirt from by the way, you look hot!
Shigsy: I made it, like almost everything I have
Julie: I should've known. Anyway, nice talking to you, and good luck tonight.
Shigsy: Chen
Julie: Yeah, whatever. Let's now head over to the other side of the arena, where I'm receiving reports that Bill is meditating in a cage. This place is like a mad house!
Minutes later...
*whispers* There he is, secluded in the shade, in his cage which seems to be surrounded with about a dozen Intel chips.. this is some scary sh
*taps on cage*
Bill! Bill! Can you hear me?
*Bill slowly awakes from meditation*
Gatesy: Yes. How can I help you?
Julie: We just wanted to know how you've been feeling towards the fight tonight, and the rumours.
Gatesy: I'm feeling better than ever. That man is going pay for those rumours he spread about me in Harvard. I swear, I never even had a hoover in my bedroom, not even a Dyson.
Julie: What? I meant about the whole Microsoft idea thing!
Gatesy: Oh
Julie: Moving swiftly onwards, tell us your tactics for tonight.
Gatesy: Well, I've learnt many new things since my confinement in the Temple, and I believe I have come out a better person. That is why I am going to kill that (bleep) son of a (bleep) because he (bleeeeeeeeeeeep).
*with Bill still going nuts in the background*
Julie: That's the highlight backstage. Back to you guys in the studio! ~okay you can shutup now you freak! euwww, what is that~
Bob: Yeeah, thanks there Julie! And you see I was right. That man is not all here.
Chris: Still, I wouldn't want to meet those guys in a dark alley.
Bob: No one would, they're insane!
Chris: *chuckles* It's time now to witness D-Day for gamers everywhere! The match brace-faced freaks all over the world have been waiting most of their lonesome lives to see ... it's 'Sensei' Shigeru Miyamoto who has been training day after day on his GameCube for this night, against 'Hill Billy' Gates who had resorted to strict, intense training in Shaolin Temple. Microsoft Vs Nintendo. This battle decides it all!
Bob: Damn right Chris! Let's now head over to centre ring.
*crowd erupts*
Joe: Oh the crowd is going wild here guys, as any minute now we will see the first of the constestants enter centre stage.
Seconds later...
*Moby music plays*
Joe: And here he is now, wearing pink flares, a leopard shirt and those ten by ten sunglasses you were talking about.. it's Biiiill Gaaaates! And what's that thing on his head? Is that an afroe? I think it is. And it looks like he's got some kind of fish tank underneath his pimp clogs, all this could be part of his fight tactics tonight.
*Gatesy punches and kicks the air repeatedly*
Crowd person #1: *dribbles* Woooo! Yeah! Go Bill!
Crowd person #2: Hey shutup you unshaven punk! Shigeru will immulsify the deluded scum!
Joe: It's hotting up now because OH! Here comes Shigeru now, who appears to be sprinting towards the ring. Woah! He just did a no-handed forwards flip into the ring! This is amazing!
Bob: Okay now Joe, you just calm down and we'll take over from here.
Down at centre stage
Ref: Wesside gentlemen, I'm Ali G and I'm goin to be weferweeing tonite. I want a good dirty fight or else me Julie will deal wiv bofe of you wiv those mean old nasty nails she got.
*Ding! Ding!*
Chris: And we're off!
Bob: Yes, and both men seem to be just waiting for the right time to strike. Any minute now ..any minute now
Ten minutes later
Bob: Any minute n...
Chris: What in the name of Clint Eastwood is going on here? This is supposed to be a damn deathmatch not a staring competition!
*Chris bangs on studio window*
Come one you hippies! Fight already!
Bob: The crowd don't look too pleased either, in fact there seems to be a kid playing on a Gameboy. This is just sick!
Crowd person #1: *dribbles* Bill! If you don't win, and I speak for everyone *dribble* I'm throwing my Xbox away!
Crowd person #2: Here! Dribble on this! *whack*
*sound of butcherism*
Bob: Holy Moly! Bill has almost supernaturally, lept from the stable position he took and with his hands stretched forward he has just clawed Shigeru Miyamoto's body in half!
Chris: Oh my! Come on Sensei, pick your legs up. Yes, that's it!
*wack wack wack wack wack*
Bob: Did you see that? His legs just flew up and malled Bill's head off of his shoulders. The match is looking pretty even now. Hey, wait a minute.. Gatesy's afroe is moving...
Gatesy: Miyamoto! Meet AfroJoe!
Shigsy: Aaaaah!
Chris: ooo, that's gotta hurt. Like a hedgehog, that afro has created certain red holes in Shigeru's face.. the blood is gushing like a fountain.
Bob: That's the way Bill! Tear him apart!
Gatesy: I didn't go to Shaolin for nothing!
Shigsy: Yes.You.Did. Go my little Pikmin!
Gatesy: What the? Go go gagdet Piranha!
Bob: It looks like a swarm of some sort of brightly coloured creatures have stampeded out of Miyamoto's skirt and ooo! Gates has been covered. There's no escape now!
Chris: But wait! It isn't all over! The clogs have split in two and woah! ... are those huge piranhas biting their way towards Shigeru. What is going on here?
Crowd person #1: Oh my beloved Gatesy!
Crowd person #2: Why Miyamoto!!
Bob: This seems to be a sad, sad day for the gaming industry! Bill Gates and Shigeru Miyamoto have almost disappeared into thin air, but really we know that they were both chewed to pieces by creatures who couldn't give a monkeys.
Chris: As I look onto the now bare ring, I know that I will never forget this day, even Ali G's crying.
Ali G: *sniff* Oh, me Julie's gonna kill me *sniff*
* 'Celebrate Good Times' song plays around the arena*
Bob: He's been Chris
Chris: And he's been Bob
Bob: Saying thanks for watching, and goodnight from Deathmatch!
Chris: Good night!
*whilst Celebrate Good Times plays the show out*
Bob: Hey Chris, I've been thinking of getting a Playstation2 for christmas.
Chris: For you?
Bob: No, for the kid.
Chris: Oh, okay. That's a good idea now that the Xbox and GameCube have no future.
Bob: *chuckles* Yeah. I'll drink to that!
*raise glasses of Carlsberg*
Chris: cheers
Bob: cheers
*clink*
THE END
Page:
Oh my God. I was wrong. It was Earth all along. You've finally made a monkey out of meeee.
*hardcore rock music intro*
Hello! I'm Bob Mole
And I'm Chris Quiff
Bob: Welcome to another episode of Calamity Deathmatch, where only the best survive!
Chris: Last week, we had the Developers Conundrum, where we saw the mighty Rare representative, Cheesy Poof, take a good whooping from the boss of Rockstar, Kid Spock.
Bob: Oh yeah! That battle showed entirely what could happen at Deathmatch. It started off with the two slapping each other almost in a friendly manner like sissies and it ended with Cheesy Poof's human genomes scattered all around the arena. It was absolutely disgusting!
Chris: That's right Bob, but that's the norm here at.. Calamity Deathmatch! So what have we got in store for today, Joe?
*hardcore rock music plays*
Joe: Oh it's gonna another night of chaos here in the arena as we have got together two of the most competitive games developers in the industry, the multi-billionaire Microsoft and the multi-softness of Nintendo.
The newly trained Samurai, Sensei Miyamoto says he has longed for this opportunity of revenge all of his life. He says that Micorosoft was his initial idea in which Bill Gates stole from him during a friendly conversation in Harvard. However, Bill says, and I quote "That is a whole lot of hubba baloo". Could he have put it any simpler? And it's not only Mr Miyamoto that's got some tricks up his sleeves because you would never have know but Bill Gates himself, the man that once wore Gandhi sandles for his graduation, confined himself to one whole year of intensive training in the Shaolin Temple. He ate nothing but fungi and didn't even break a sweat. I say, Shigeru, WATCH OUT!
Bob: Thanks there Joe! And I'll tell you what Chris, I bet no ones ever seen Mr Miyamoto like that before, dressed.. in a dress! What was he thinking? This is a deathmatch, not a snow white panto!
Chris: *chuckles* And we thought we'd seen it all here at Deathmatch. Bill really needs to change those ten by ten, square glasses he keeps wearing. Someone might think he's a geek or something.
Bob: He i.. oh. *giggles* Let's now hand over to Julie, who's got the latest backstage. Julie?
Julie: Thanks guys! I'm here backstage ready to talk to Mr Miyamoto, who I must say did look quite cool in those high heels. Let's go now. Oooh, damn wedgy!
Oh there's Shigeru Miyamoto now. Hey Mr Miyamoto!
Shigsy: Dojo may hung.
*silence*
That means you're standing on my tooooes you jam tart! Aya!
Julie: Ooops!
Shigsy: *grumbles*
Julie: Anyway, what is your main tactic for winning against Bill Gates?
Shigsy: I have planned to slap him across the face and say "Hey! Leave Mario out of this! This is between me and you, you, you .. bad man!" And if that doesn't work, I'll give him the old niple twist.
Julie: Ookaay, great tactics there from Shigeru. Where did you get that skirt from by the way, you look hot!
Shigsy: I made it, like almost everything I have
Julie: I should've known. Anyway, nice talking to you, and good luck tonight.
Shigsy: Chen
Julie: Yeah, whatever. Let's now head over to the other side of the arena, where I'm receiving reports that Bill is meditating in a cage. This place is like a mad house!
Minutes later...
*whispers* There he is, secluded in the shade, in his cage which seems to be surrounded with about a dozen Intel chips.. this is some scary sh
*taps on cage*
Bill! Bill! Can you hear me?
*Bill slowly awakes from meditation*
Gatesy: Yes. How can I help you?
Julie: We just wanted to know how you've been feeling towards the fight tonight, and the rumours.
Gatesy: I'm feeling better than ever. That man is going pay for those rumours he spread about me in Harvard. I swear, I never even had a hoover in my bedroom, not even a Dyson.
Julie: What? I meant about the whole Microsoft idea thing!
Gatesy: Oh
Julie: Moving swiftly onwards, tell us your tactics for tonight.
Gatesy: Well, I've learnt many new things since my confinement in the Temple, and I believe I have come out a better person. That is why I am going to kill that (bleep) son of a (bleep) because he (bleeeeeeeeeeeep).
*with Bill still going nuts in the background*
Julie: That's the highlight backstage. Back to you guys in the studio! ~okay you can shutup now you freak! euwww, what is that~
Bob: Yeeah, thanks there Julie! And you see I was right. That man is not all here.
Chris: Still, I wouldn't want to meet those guys in a dark alley.
Bob: No one would, they're insane!
Chris: *chuckles* It's time now to witness D-Day for gamers everywhere! The match brace-faced freaks all over the world have been waiting most of their lonesome lives to see ... it's 'Sensei' Shigeru Miyamoto who has been training day after day on his GameCube for this night, against 'Hill Billy' Gates who had resorted to strict, intense training in Shaolin Temple. Microsoft Vs Nintendo. This battle decides it all!
Bob: Damn right Chris! Let's now head over to centre ring.
*crowd erupts*
Joe: Oh the crowd is going wild here guys, as any minute now we will see the first of the constestants enter centre stage.
Seconds later...
*Moby music plays*
Joe: And here he is now, wearing pink flares, a leopard shirt and those ten by ten sunglasses you were talking about.. it's Biiiill Gaaaates! And what's that thing on his head? Is that an afroe? I think it is. And it looks like he's got some kind of fish tank underneath his pimp clogs, all this could be part of his fight tactics tonight.
*Gatesy punches and kicks the air repeatedly*
Crowd person #1: *dribbles* Woooo! Yeah! Go Bill!
Crowd person #2: Hey shutup you unshaven punk! Shigeru will immulsify the deluded scum!
Joe: It's hotting up now because OH! Here comes Shigeru now, who appears to be sprinting towards the ring. Woah! He just did a no-handed forwards flip into the ring! This is amazing!
Bob: Okay now Joe, you just calm down and we'll take over from here.
Down at centre stage
Ref: Wesside gentlemen, I'm Ali G and I'm goin to be weferweeing tonite. I want a good dirty fight or else me Julie will deal wiv bofe of you wiv those mean old nasty nails she got.
*Ding! Ding!*
Chris: And we're off!
Bob: Yes, and both men seem to be just waiting for the right time to strike. Any minute now ..any minute now
Ten minutes later
Bob: Any minute n...
Chris: What in the name of Clint Eastwood is going on here? This is supposed to be a damn deathmatch not a staring competition!
*Chris bangs on studio window*
Come one you hippies! Fight already!
Bob: The crowd don't look too pleased either, in fact there seems to be a kid playing on a Gameboy. This is just sick!
Crowd person #1: *dribbles* Bill! If you don't win, and I speak for everyone *dribble* I'm throwing my Xbox away!
Crowd person #2: Here! Dribble on this! *whack*
*sound of butcherism*
Bob: Holy Moly! Bill has almost supernaturally, lept from the stable position he took and with his hands stretched forward he has just clawed Shigeru Miyamoto's body in half!
Chris: Oh my! Come on Sensei, pick your legs up. Yes, that's it!
*wack wack wack wack wack*
Bob: Did you see that? His legs just flew up and malled Bill's head off of his shoulders. The match is looking pretty even now. Hey, wait a minute.. Gatesy's afroe is moving...
Gatesy: Miyamoto! Meet AfroJoe!
Shigsy: Aaaaah!
Chris: ooo, that's gotta hurt. Like a hedgehog, that afro has created certain red holes in Shigeru's face.. the blood is gushing like a fountain.
Bob: That's the way Bill! Tear him apart!
Gatesy: I didn't go to Shaolin for nothing!
Shigsy: Yes.You.Did. Go my little Pikmin!
Gatesy: What the? Go go gagdet Piranha!
Bob: It looks like a swarm of some sort of brightly coloured creatures have stampeded out of Miyamoto's skirt and ooo! Gates has been covered. There's no escape now!
Chris: But wait! It isn't all over! The clogs have split in two and woah! ... are those huge piranhas biting their way towards Shigeru. What is going on here?
Crowd person #1: Oh my beloved Gatesy!
Crowd person #2: Why Miyamoto!!
Bob: This seems to be a sad, sad day for the gaming industry! Bill Gates and Shigeru Miyamoto have almost disappeared into thin air, but really we know that they were both chewed to pieces by creatures who couldn't give a monkeys.
Chris: As I look onto the now bare ring, I know that I will never forget this day, even Ali G's crying.
Ali G: *sniff* Oh, me Julie's gonna kill me *sniff*
* 'Celebrate Good Times' song plays around the arena*
Bob: He's been Chris
Chris: And he's been Bob
Bob: Saying thanks for watching, and goodnight from Deathmatch!
Chris: Good night!
*whilst Celebrate Good Times plays the show out*
Bob: Hey Chris, I've been thinking of getting a Playstation2 for christmas.
Chris: For you?
Bob: No, for the kid.
Chris: Oh, okay. That's a good idea now that the Xbox and GameCube have no future.
Bob: *chuckles* Yeah. I'll drink to that!
*raise glasses of Carlsberg*
Chris: cheers
Bob: cheers
*clink*
THE END
Hello! I'm Bob Mole
And I'm Chris Quiff
Bob: Welcome to another episode of Calamity Deathmatch, where only the best survive!
Chris: Last week, we had the Developers Conundrum, where we saw the mighty Rare representative, Cheesy Poof, take a good whooping from the boss of Rockstar, Kid Spock.
Bob: Oh yeah! That battle showed entirely what could happen at Deathmatch. It started off with the two slapping each other almost in a friendly manner like sissies and it ended with Cheesy Poof's human genomes scattered all around the arena. It was absolutely disgusting!
Chris: That's right Bob, but that's the norm here at.. Calamity Deathmatch! So what have we got in store for today, Joe?
*hardcore rock music plays*
Joe: Oh it's gonna another night of chaos here in the arena as we have got together two of the most competitive games developers in the industry, the multi-billionaire Microsoft and the multi-softness of Nintendo.
The newly trained Samurai, Sensei Miyamoto says he has longed for this opportunity of revenge all of his life. He says that Micorosoft was his initial idea in which Bill Gates stole from him during a friendly conversation in Harvard. However, Bill says, and I quote "That is a whole lot of hubba baloo". Could he have put it any simpler? And it's not only Mr Miyamoto that's got some tricks up his sleeves because you would never have know but Bill Gates himself, the man that once wore Gandhi sandles for his graduation, confined himself to one whole year of intensive training in the Shaolin Temple. He ate nothing but fungi and didn't even break a sweat. I say, Shigeru, WATCH OUT!
Bob: Thanks there Joe! And I'll tell you what Chris, I bet no ones ever seen Mr Miyamoto like that before, dressed.. in a dress! What was he thinking? This is a deathmatch, not a snow white panto!
Chris: *chuckles* And we thought we'd seen it all here at Deathmatch. Bill really needs to change those ten by ten, square glasses he keeps wearing. Someone might think he's a geek or something.
Bob: He i.. oh. *giggles* Let's now hand over to Julie, who's got the latest backstage. Julie?
Julie: Thanks guys! I'm here backstage ready to talk to Mr Miyamoto, who I must say did look quite cool in those high heels. Let's go now. Oooh, damn wedgy!
Oh there's Shigeru Miyamoto now. Hey Mr Miyamoto!
Shigsy: Dojo may hung.
*silence*
That means you're standing on my tooooes you jam tart! Aya!
Julie: Ooops!
Shigsy: *grumbles*
Julie: Anyway, what is your main tactic for winning against Bill Gates?
Shigsy: I have planned to slap him across the face and say "Hey! Leave Mario out of this! This is between me and you, you, you .. bad man!" And if that doesn't work, I'll give him the old niple twist.
Julie: Ookaay, great tactics there from Shigeru. Where did you get that skirt from by the way, you look hot!
Shigsy: I made it, like almost everything I have
Julie: I should've known. Anyway, nice talking to you, and good luck tonight.
Shigsy: Chen
Julie: Yeah, whatever. Let's now head over to the other side of the arena, where I'm receiving reports that Bill is meditating in a cage. This place is like a mad house!
Minutes later...
*whispers* There he is, secluded in the shade, in his cage which seems to be surrounded with about a dozen Intel chips.. this is some scary sh
*taps on cage*
Bill! Bill! Can you hear me?
*Bill slowly awakes from meditation*
Gatesy: Yes. How can I help you?
Julie: We just wanted to know how you've been feeling towards the fight tonight, and the rumours.
Gatesy: I'm feeling better than ever. That man is going pay for those rumours he spread about me in Harvard. I swear, I never even had a hoover in my bedroom, not even a Dyson.
Julie: What? I meant about the whole Microsoft idea thing!
Gatesy: Oh
Julie: Moving swiftly onwards, tell us your tactics for tonight.
Gatesy: Well, I've learnt many new things since my confinement in the Temple, and I believe I have come out a better person. That is why I am going to kill that (bleep) son of a (bleep) because he (bleeeeeeeeeeeep).
*with Bill still going nuts in the background*
Julie: That's the highlight backstage. Back to you guys in the studio! ~okay you can shutup now you freak! euwww, what is that~
Bob: Yeeah, thanks there Julie! And you see I was right. That man is not all here.
Chris: Still, I wouldn't want to meet those guys in a dark alley.
Bob: No one would, they're insane!
Chris: *chuckles* It's time now to witness D-Day for gamers everywhere! The match brace-faced freaks all over the world have been waiting most of their lonesome lives to see ... it's 'Sensei' Shigeru Miyamoto who has been training day after day on his GameCube for this night, against 'Hill Billy' Gates who had resorted to strict, intense training in Shaolin Temple. Microsoft Vs Nintendo. This battle decides it all!
Bob: Damn right Chris! Let's now head over to centre ring.
*crowd erupts*
Joe: Oh the crowd is going wild here guys, as any minute now we will see the first of the constestants enter centre stage.
Seconds later...
*Moby music plays*
Joe: And here he is now, wearing pink flares, a leopard shirt and those ten by ten sunglasses you were talking about.. it's Biiiill Gaaaates! And what's that thing on his head? Is that an afroe? I think it is. And it looks like he's got some kind of fish tank underneath his pimp clogs, all this could be part of his fight tactics tonight.
*Gatesy punches and kicks the air repeatedly*
Crowd person #1: *dribbles* Woooo! Yeah! Go Bill!
Crowd person #2: Hey shutup you unshaven punk! Shigeru will immulsify the deluded scum!
Joe: It's hotting up now because OH! Here comes Shigeru now, who appears to be sprinting towards the ring. Woah! He just did a no-handed forwards flip into the ring! This is amazing!
Bob: Okay now Joe, you just calm down and we'll take over from here.
Down at centre stage
Ref: Wesside gentlemen, I'm Ali G and I'm goin to be weferweeing tonite. I want a good dirty fight or else me Julie will deal wiv bofe of you wiv those mean old nasty nails she got.
*Ding! Ding!*
Chris: And we're off!
Bob: Yes, and both men seem to be just waiting for the right time to strike. Any minute now ..any minute now
Ten minutes later
Bob: Any minute n...
Chris: What in the name of Clint Eastwood is going on here? This is supposed to be a damn deathmatch not a staring competition!
*Chris bangs on studio window*
Come one you hippies! Fight already!
Bob: The crowd don't look too pleased either, in fact there seems to be a kid playing on a Gameboy. This is just sick!
Crowd person #1: *dribbles* Bill! If you don't win, and I speak for everyone *dribble* I'm throwing my Xbox away!
Crowd person #2: Here! Dribble on this! *whack*
*sound of butcherism*
Bob: Holy Moly! Bill has almost supernaturally, lept from the stable position he took and with his hands stretched forward he has just clawed Shigeru Miyamoto's body in half!
Chris: Oh my! Come on Sensei, pick your legs up. Yes, that's it!
*wack wack wack wack wack*
Bob: Did you see that? His legs just flew up and malled Bill's head off of his shoulders. The match is looking pretty even now. Hey, wait a minute.. Gatesy's afroe is moving...
Gatesy: Miyamoto! Meet AfroJoe!
Shigsy: Aaaaah!
Chris: ooo, that's gotta hurt. Like a hedgehog, that afro has created certain red holes in Shigeru's face.. the blood is gushing like a fountain.
Bob: That's the way Bill! Tear him apart!
Gatesy: I didn't go to Shaolin for nothing!
Shigsy: Yes.You.Did. Go my little Pikmin!
Gatesy: What the? Go go gagdet Piranha!
Bob: It looks like a swarm of some sort of brightly coloured creatures have stampeded out of Miyamoto's skirt and ooo! Gates has been covered. There's no escape now!
Chris: But wait! It isn't all over! The clogs have split in two and woah! ... are those huge piranhas biting their way towards Shigeru. What is going on here?
Crowd person #1: Oh my beloved Gatesy!
Crowd person #2: Why Miyamoto!!
Bob: This seems to be a sad, sad day for the gaming industry! Bill Gates and Shigeru Miyamoto have almost disappeared into thin air, but really we know that they were both chewed to pieces by creatures who couldn't give a monkeys.
Chris: As I look onto the now bare ring, I know that I will never forget this day, even Ali G's crying.
Ali G: *sniff* Oh, me Julie's gonna kill me *sniff*
* 'Celebrate Good Times' song plays around the arena*
Bob: He's been Chris
Chris: And he's been Bob
Bob: Saying thanks for watching, and goodnight from Deathmatch!
Chris: Good night!
*whilst Celebrate Good Times plays the show out*
Bob: Hey Chris, I've been thinking of getting a Playstation2 for christmas.
Chris: For you?
Bob: No, for the kid.
Chris: Oh, okay. That's a good idea now that the Xbox and GameCube have no future.
Bob: *chuckles* Yeah. I'll drink to that!
*raise glasses of Carlsberg*
Chris: cheers
Bob: cheers
*clink*
THE END
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