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*In the dressing room*
Tony Dickinson – good day there bargain hunters and welcome to another exciting and thrilling episode of bargain hunt!
*Tony splashes some wood varnish onto his face*
Tony Dickinson – today we’ll be at the special reserve store with another group of hunters ready to sniff out some gaming bargains.
*He puts the super strong Afro spray down and stands up*
Tony Dickinson- so lets meet those teams!
---------------------------------------
*Next to the counter in special reserve Tony Dickinson meets up with the red team*
Tony Dickinson – hello and welcome red team
Red team – hi Tony!
Tony Dickinson – now lets see, on the red team today we have Mystique and Schroeder. Now Mystique your a pornographic student from Glasgow. Pornograpich student from Glasgow? That can’t be right?
Mystique – no, no. I’m a pornographic student from Yorkshire.
Tony Dickinson – huh?
Mystique – I’d thought you would have remembered me, *she pinches Tony’s bum* you were screaming it out so loud the other week
Tony Dickinson - *nervous cough* yes well um... lets move on shall we
Schroeder – hello
Tony Dickinson – so Schroeder apparently your a member of staff for special reserve
Schro – yep
Tony Dickinson – and your favourite song is ‘angel’ by good old Robbie Williams
Schroeder – yep
Tony Dickinson – and you do a lot of yoga
Schroeder – yep
Tony Dickinson – and you’ll come to my house tonight to perform some of my sick and twisted erotic fantasies?
Schroeder – ye.... What?!
Tony Dickinson – ah well it was worth a try
* Schroeder slaps Tony across the face*
Tony Dickinson – yeah, that kinda thing!
* Schroeder storms out of the room into the ladies toilets crying*
Tony Dickinson – hey, she learns fast. I’ll be with you in a minute love!
*Tony makes a small tiger purr noise*
Tony Dickinson – so lets meet our second and final team, the blue team
Blue team – hey Tony
Tony Dickinson – lets see. We have Meka Dragon and BEARDS. So Meka, how many games have you won so far on game a day?
*Meka turns around and reveals the words ‘more than pb’ stitched onto his leather jacket*
Tony Dickinson – nice stitching there, did you make it yourself?
Meka – yeah, *giggle* with a like help from my mommy
Tony Dickinson – and BEARDS apparently your into rugby and your on a team
*BEARDS nods*
Tony Dickinson – so what position do you play?
BEARDS – umm
Tony Dickinson – are you a winger?
BEARDS – no
Tony Dickinson – a flanker?
Meka - *nervous cough*
Tony Dickinson – a hooker?
Mystique - *nervous cough*
BEARDS – i don’t actually play, I’m more of a water boy
Tony Dickinson – oh, so you freshen their water at the side of the pitch
BEARDS – and in the shower *grins smugly*
*Tony takes a step away*
Tony Dickinson - *nervous laugh* why don’t we introduce your experts, quickly. For the red team we have Loki who has been in the gaming business since it started. And for the blue team we have...
*Tony puts his hand to his ear*
Tony Dickinson – ok, yeah. What do you mean he’s not coming in?! Squashed by a what? Well that’s what you get for working part time at a zoo in the elephant cage. Ok I’ll tell them
Meka – what is it?
Tony Dickinson – well it seems your expert was crushed to death at the zoo
BEARDS – what by?
Tony Dickinson – a giant do not feed the animals sign
Meka – so what are we going to do?
*Tony Dickinson searches around*
Tony Dickinson – hey you!
SHEEPY – who me?
Tony Dickinson – yeah you. How do you fancy earning a fiver?
SHEEPY – listen, if that beards guy wants me to pull my trousers down again its gonna have to cost him double
Tony Dickinson – no nothing like that. All you have to do if wander around with these people wearing blue badges and tell them to buy stuff
SHEEPY – and i can keep my clothes on?
Tony Dickinson – i promise
BEARDS – for now anyway
SHEEPY – ok, I’ll do it
Tony Dickinson – great. Ok teams you know the rules. I give you 100 pound and you have to buy so gaming products from this store. Later on they will be sold at auction and the winning team will be the team that makes the most profit. Got it
Both teams – yeah!
Tony Dickinson – then lets get those bargains!
----------------------------------------------
*after 2 hours the red team has brought grand theft auto vice city and the getaway. Mystique has gained a new high score on Britney’s dance beat and Loki is unsure on a decision so needs Schroeder’s help*
Loki – i just don’t know
Schroeder – go with your gut feeling
Loki – but my gut says one thing and my head says another
Schroeder – ok I’ll do it
Loki – you sure?
Schroeder – no sweat just watch
Loki – alright, make the right choice
Schroeder – now lets see... I’ll just have a coke and a happy meal for my friend over there
*Schroeder gives Loki the happy meal*
Loki – thanks, its amazing where these places spring up
-------------------------------------------
*while on the other side of the shop...*
Meka – so SHEEPY you sure people are gonna want to buy this?
SHEEPY – yes, i mean it cheap and in good nick. Why not?
BEARDS – all right then. Excuse me Mr till operator sir, can we by these magazines please
Till operator – ok. *he puts the dodgy adult porn magazines threw the scanner one after another*
Scanner - *beep* *beep*
Till operator – boys on boats, very popular that one is
Scanner - *beep*
Till operator – adult funny farm, good
*the group begins to read their bizarre magazines*
Scanner - *error!*
Till operator – this one doesn’t seem to have a price on it. Just one moment. *he puts his mouth to the microphone beside him*
Out of the speakers - price check on ‘the official dream cast magazine’
*the group sinks their heads embarrassingly behind their XXX mags*
-------------------------------------------------
*after 4 hours the groups meet back up in the centre of special reserve. shelves and stands have been moved to the sides and chairs have been brought in for the buyers to sit on*
Tony Dickinson – so teams are you ready to sell your items at auction?
Both teams - yeah!
Tony Dickinson – ok, but before we do that to stop the viewers at home getting bored we’ve added a new section to the show
*Rosaline runs infront of the camera lifts up her top and then runs off*
Tony Dickinson – ok. its just starting and its the reds up first
FantasyMeister - oh my ears *adjusts hearing aid* i can’t seem to hear very well these days. Ok shall we start the auction?
*the room falls silent*
FantasyMeister - the first item we have on offer is this lovely copy of grand theft auto 3, its unopened and still in its original box. Shall i start the bidding at 10
*DW raises his hand*
FantasyMeister - 10 from the gentlema..... person at the front there. can i see 20? Thankyou sir 20’s the bid.
*mystique uses her valuable assets to encourage buying by continuously jumping up and down*
----------------------------------------
*mystique and Schroeder have made a 50 pound profit and now its the blue teams turn*
FantasyMeister - who will start the bidding at 10 pounds? Anyone? Ok 9 pounds. No? 7? 6? 5?
(to cut a long story short they lost on everything they had and now its the tern of the dreamcast magazine)
Tony Dickinson – you need this one in order to win. Hey, where’s your expert?
Meka – don’t know. He began telling a torry MP to buy some scruppy jacks and then he just disapeared
Tony Dickinson - really?
Meka – yeah. The police turned up and he vanished right into the back of their van
BEARDS – look, heres our the magazine now
FantasyMeister – for god’s seek. What the hell were they thinking?! No ones going to buy that piece of rubbish. Ohwell lets do it then. Anyone want to buy it for a quid? *his hearing aid falls out onto the floor* damn it * he bends down to get it*
*suddenly smerc and psychotickiller burst into the place*
smerc – this is a stick up nobody.... where are they?
Psychotickiller – where are who?
Smerc – the victims were gonna rob
Psychotickiller – they’re right there
Smerc – no there not nobodies ther... opps my balaclava’s back to front. Ok lets go out and come back in.
*smerc wanders into the fearful crowd*
psychotickiller – the door’s this way
smerc – my bad
*the pair leaves and comes back in wielding red stripy worms*
smerc – all right everyone put your hands up these are poisonous snakes and could kill you will one bite
*just as FantasyMeister gets back up everyone puts up their hands*
FantasyMeister - damn its not working at all now. What the?!
*he glances around the room to see everyone with they’re hands up*
FantasyMeister - wow! Ok ok lets start. 2 pounds?
*all hands stay raised*
FantasyMeister - great! Ok, 5 pounds? You want it don’t you.
*unaware of the robbers he continues to sell the magazine at the escalating price*
smerc – whats that fool doing?
Psychotickiller – beats me. Come on lets still everyone’s money and replace it with slices of spam!
Smerc – good idea
*Indiana Jones music begins to play and from out of nowhere Mr Snuggly swoops in on a vine*
Snuggly – die you evil spammers
smerc – where’s that vine coming from?
Psychotickiller – don’t ask me
Meka – where’s that music coming from?
Psychotickiller - *shrugs*
*unfortunately Mr Snuggly slips and smashes against the wall before landing in and unconscious heap on the floor*
Meka – reminds me of my first blind date
Mysique – why what happened?
Meka – her guide dog ran off and she ended up walking into a lamppost
Smerc – did i say you could speak?! *he shakes the worm at Meka*
Stryke – i wouldn’t do that if i were you
Smerc – whos he?
Psychotickiller – don’t know
Meka – where’d he come from?
Psychotickiller – will you stop with the questions!
Stryke – gaday, I’m Stryke Irwin snake expert
Tony Dickinson – i thought you were crushed to death
Strkye – you know what they say
Psychotickiller – stop, stop. Please just stop with the questions
Stryke – you can’t keep a good 5 foot 4 Australian snake expert down... or crush him with a giant sign
Smerc – why shouldn’t i shake it then?
Stryke – because it’s one of the world most deadliest snakes. The red striped reaper
Psychotickiller – huh?
Stryke – it could kill you with one bite just like that!
Smerc – psychotickiller! I thought you said they were worms with red stripes painted on!
Psychotickiller – that’s it, I’ve had enough of these stupid questions! I’m off to the lair to post rude words on the worlds longest thread
*psychotickiller throws the beast to the ground and storms off. Everyone jumps back in fright*
smerc – what a big baby
Stryke – watch out the reaper is edging towards you, run!
*smerc lets off a girlish squeal of terror and runs out off the door*
Stryke – whoops my mistake it is a worm with red striped painted onto it
*The audience let out a sigh of relief and slowly lower their hands*
FantasyMeister - sold for 16,430 pounds to goatboy
goatboy - what?! But i don’t want it. I was just doing as the robbers said, i didn’t want to buy the thing!
FantasyMeister - sorry mate i can’t hear you
-----------------------------------------------
*after getting a re mortgage on his bungalow goatboy pays Meka and BEARDS*
Tony Dickinson – well who would have thought it. The blue team won with the highest score ever to be seen on bargain hunt. Unlucky to you girls but I’m sure something will come up for you at the end of the show *evil grin*
Tony Dickinson – and the blue team you must be feeling great!
Blue team – yay!
Tony Dickinson - so guys what are you going to spend the money on
Meka – well as it’s close to Christmas i though I’d get BEARDS a little something
BEARDS – how kind, what is it?
Meka – a French student from Bolton
BEARDS – really, no fooling mister
*a lorry pulls up outside and drops off a large crate*
muffled voice – help, get me out of here! Please i can’t breath....
Meka - he’s all yours
BEARDS – this is great, I’ll feed and wash him and play with him everyday
*BEARDS skips off to the crate outside*
Meka – maybe i should have put air holes in it?
Tony Dickinson – that ends another episode of bargain hunt, until next time bye. Now come on girls last one in the Jacuzzi has to strip!
--the end--
Thanks for reading and remember if this problem continues seek medical advice....
Tony Dickinson – good day there bargain hunters and welcome to another exciting and thrilling episode of bargain hunt!
*Tony splashes some wood varnish onto his face*
Tony Dickinson – today we’ll be at the special reserve store with another group of hunters ready to sniff out some gaming bargains.
*He puts the super strong Afro spray down and stands up*
Tony Dickinson- so lets meet those teams!
---------------------------------------
*Next to the counter in special reserve Tony Dickinson meets up with the red team*
Tony Dickinson – hello and welcome red team
Red team – hi Tony!
Tony Dickinson – now lets see, on the red team today we have Mystique and Schroeder. Now Mystique your a pornographic student from Glasgow. Pornograpich student from Glasgow? That can’t be right?
Mystique – no, no. I’m a pornographic student from Yorkshire.
Tony Dickinson – huh?
Mystique – I’d thought you would have remembered me, *she pinches Tony’s bum* you were screaming it out so loud the other week
Tony Dickinson - *nervous cough* yes well um... lets move on shall we
Schroeder – hello
Tony Dickinson – so Schroeder apparently your a member of staff for special reserve
Schro – yep
Tony Dickinson – and your favourite song is ‘angel’ by good old Robbie Williams
Schroeder – yep
Tony Dickinson – and you do a lot of yoga
Schroeder – yep
Tony Dickinson – and you’ll come to my house tonight to perform some of my sick and twisted erotic fantasies?
Schroeder – ye.... What?!
Tony Dickinson – ah well it was worth a try
* Schroeder slaps Tony across the face*
Tony Dickinson – yeah, that kinda thing!
* Schroeder storms out of the room into the ladies toilets crying*
Tony Dickinson – hey, she learns fast. I’ll be with you in a minute love!
*Tony makes a small tiger purr noise*
Tony Dickinson – so lets meet our second and final team, the blue team
Blue team – hey Tony
Tony Dickinson – lets see. We have Meka Dragon and BEARDS. So Meka, how many games have you won so far on game a day?
*Meka turns around and reveals the words ‘more than pb’ stitched onto his leather jacket*
Tony Dickinson – nice stitching there, did you make it yourself?
Meka – yeah, *giggle* with a like help from my mommy
Tony Dickinson – and BEARDS apparently your into rugby and your on a team
*BEARDS nods*
Tony Dickinson – so what position do you play?
BEARDS – umm
Tony Dickinson – are you a winger?
BEARDS – no
Tony Dickinson – a flanker?
Meka - *nervous cough*
Tony Dickinson – a hooker?
Mystique - *nervous cough*
BEARDS – i don’t actually play, I’m more of a water boy
Tony Dickinson – oh, so you freshen their water at the side of the pitch
BEARDS – and in the shower *grins smugly*
*Tony takes a step away*
Tony Dickinson - *nervous laugh* why don’t we introduce your experts, quickly. For the red team we have Loki who has been in the gaming business since it started. And for the blue team we have...
*Tony puts his hand to his ear*
Tony Dickinson – ok, yeah. What do you mean he’s not coming in?! Squashed by a what? Well that’s what you get for working part time at a zoo in the elephant cage. Ok I’ll tell them
Meka – what is it?
Tony Dickinson – well it seems your expert was crushed to death at the zoo
BEARDS – what by?
Tony Dickinson – a giant do not feed the animals sign
Meka – so what are we going to do?
*Tony Dickinson searches around*
Tony Dickinson – hey you!
SHEEPY – who me?
Tony Dickinson – yeah you. How do you fancy earning a fiver?
SHEEPY – listen, if that beards guy wants me to pull my trousers down again its gonna have to cost him double
Tony Dickinson – no nothing like that. All you have to do if wander around with these people wearing blue badges and tell them to buy stuff
SHEEPY – and i can keep my clothes on?
Tony Dickinson – i promise
BEARDS – for now anyway
SHEEPY – ok, I’ll do it
Tony Dickinson – great. Ok teams you know the rules. I give you 100 pound and you have to buy so gaming products from this store. Later on they will be sold at auction and the winning team will be the team that makes the most profit. Got it
Both teams – yeah!
Tony Dickinson – then lets get those bargains!
----------------------------------------------
*after 2 hours the red team has brought grand theft auto vice city and the getaway. Mystique has gained a new high score on Britney’s dance beat and Loki is unsure on a decision so needs Schroeder’s help*
Loki – i just don’t know
Schroeder – go with your gut feeling
Loki – but my gut says one thing and my head says another
Schroeder – ok I’ll do it
Loki – you sure?
Schroeder – no sweat just watch
Loki – alright, make the right choice
Schroeder – now lets see... I’ll just have a coke and a happy meal for my friend over there
*Schroeder gives Loki the happy meal*
Loki – thanks, its amazing where these places spring up
-------------------------------------------
*while on the other side of the shop...*
Meka – so SHEEPY you sure people are gonna want to buy this?
SHEEPY – yes, i mean it cheap and in good nick. Why not?
BEARDS – all right then. Excuse me Mr till operator sir, can we by these magazines please
Till operator – ok. *he puts the dodgy adult porn magazines threw the scanner one after another*
Scanner - *beep* *beep*
Till operator – boys on boats, very popular that one is
Scanner - *beep*
Till operator – adult funny farm, good
*the group begins to read their bizarre magazines*
Scanner - *error!*
Till operator – this one doesn’t seem to have a price on it. Just one moment. *he puts his mouth to the microphone beside him*
Out of the speakers - price check on ‘the official dream cast magazine’
*the group sinks their heads embarrassingly behind their XXX mags*
-------------------------------------------------
*after 4 hours the groups meet back up in the centre of special reserve. shelves and stands have been moved to the sides and chairs have been brought in for the buyers to sit on*
Tony Dickinson – so teams are you ready to sell your items at auction?
Both teams - yeah!
Tony Dickinson – ok, but before we do that to stop the viewers at home getting bored we’ve added a new section to the show
*Rosaline runs infront of the camera lifts up her top and then runs off*
Tony Dickinson – ok. its just starting and its the reds up first
FantasyMeister - oh my ears *adjusts hearing aid* i can’t seem to hear very well these days. Ok shall we start the auction?
*the room falls silent*
FantasyMeister - the first item we have on offer is this lovely copy of grand theft auto 3, its unopened and still in its original box. Shall i start the bidding at 10
*DW raises his hand*
FantasyMeister - 10 from the gentlema..... person at the front there. can i see 20? Thankyou sir 20’s the bid.
*mystique uses her valuable assets to encourage buying by continuously jumping up and down*
----------------------------------------
*mystique and Schroeder have made a 50 pound profit and now its the blue teams turn*
FantasyMeister - who will start the bidding at 10 pounds? Anyone? Ok 9 pounds. No? 7? 6? 5?
(to cut a long story short they lost on everything they had and now its the tern of the dreamcast magazine)
Tony Dickinson – you need this one in order to win. Hey, where’s your expert?
Meka – don’t know. He began telling a torry MP to buy some scruppy jacks and then he just disapeared
Tony Dickinson - really?
Meka – yeah. The police turned up and he vanished right into the back of their van
BEARDS – look, heres our the magazine now
FantasyMeister – for god’s seek. What the hell were they thinking?! No ones going to buy that piece of rubbish. Ohwell lets do it then. Anyone want to buy it for a quid? *his hearing aid falls out onto the floor* damn it * he bends down to get it*
*suddenly smerc and psychotickiller burst into the place*
smerc – this is a stick up nobody.... where are they?
Psychotickiller – where are who?
Smerc – the victims were gonna rob
Psychotickiller – they’re right there
Smerc – no there not nobodies ther... opps my balaclava’s back to front. Ok lets go out and come back in.
*smerc wanders into the fearful crowd*
psychotickiller – the door’s this way
smerc – my bad
*the pair leaves and comes back in wielding red stripy worms*
smerc – all right everyone put your hands up these are poisonous snakes and could kill you will one bite
*just as FantasyMeister gets back up everyone puts up their hands*
FantasyMeister - damn its not working at all now. What the?!
*he glances around the room to see everyone with they’re hands up*
FantasyMeister - wow! Ok ok lets start. 2 pounds?
*all hands stay raised*
FantasyMeister - great! Ok, 5 pounds? You want it don’t you.
*unaware of the robbers he continues to sell the magazine at the escalating price*
smerc – whats that fool doing?
Psychotickiller – beats me. Come on lets still everyone’s money and replace it with slices of spam!
Smerc – good idea
*Indiana Jones music begins to play and from out of nowhere Mr Snuggly swoops in on a vine*
Snuggly – die you evil spammers
smerc – where’s that vine coming from?
Psychotickiller – don’t ask me
Meka – where’s that music coming from?
Psychotickiller - *shrugs*
*unfortunately Mr Snuggly slips and smashes against the wall before landing in and unconscious heap on the floor*
Meka – reminds me of my first blind date
Mysique – why what happened?
Meka – her guide dog ran off and she ended up walking into a lamppost
Smerc – did i say you could speak?! *he shakes the worm at Meka*
Stryke – i wouldn’t do that if i were you
Smerc – whos he?
Psychotickiller – don’t know
Meka – where’d he come from?
Psychotickiller – will you stop with the questions!
Stryke – gaday, I’m Stryke Irwin snake expert
Tony Dickinson – i thought you were crushed to death
Strkye – you know what they say
Psychotickiller – stop, stop. Please just stop with the questions
Stryke – you can’t keep a good 5 foot 4 Australian snake expert down... or crush him with a giant sign
Smerc – why shouldn’t i shake it then?
Stryke – because it’s one of the world most deadliest snakes. The red striped reaper
Psychotickiller – huh?
Stryke – it could kill you with one bite just like that!
Smerc – psychotickiller! I thought you said they were worms with red stripes painted on!
Psychotickiller – that’s it, I’ve had enough of these stupid questions! I’m off to the lair to post rude words on the worlds longest thread
*psychotickiller throws the beast to the ground and storms off. Everyone jumps back in fright*
smerc – what a big baby
Stryke – watch out the reaper is edging towards you, run!
*smerc lets off a girlish squeal of terror and runs out off the door*
Stryke – whoops my mistake it is a worm with red striped painted onto it
*The audience let out a sigh of relief and slowly lower their hands*
FantasyMeister - sold for 16,430 pounds to goatboy
goatboy - what?! But i don’t want it. I was just doing as the robbers said, i didn’t want to buy the thing!
FantasyMeister - sorry mate i can’t hear you
-----------------------------------------------
*after getting a re mortgage on his bungalow goatboy pays Meka and BEARDS*
Tony Dickinson – well who would have thought it. The blue team won with the highest score ever to be seen on bargain hunt. Unlucky to you girls but I’m sure something will come up for you at the end of the show *evil grin*
Tony Dickinson – and the blue team you must be feeling great!
Blue team – yay!
Tony Dickinson - so guys what are you going to spend the money on
Meka – well as it’s close to Christmas i though I’d get BEARDS a little something
BEARDS – how kind, what is it?
Meka – a French student from Bolton
BEARDS – really, no fooling mister
*a lorry pulls up outside and drops off a large crate*
muffled voice – help, get me out of here! Please i can’t breath....
Meka - he’s all yours
BEARDS – this is great, I’ll feed and wash him and play with him everyday
*BEARDS skips off to the crate outside*
Meka – maybe i should have put air holes in it?
Tony Dickinson – that ends another episode of bargain hunt, until next time bye. Now come on girls last one in the Jacuzzi has to strip!
--the end--
Thanks for reading and remember if this problem continues seek medical advice....
Page:
Very funny, you'll probably be banned by BEARDS though. :-P
*In the dressing room*
Tony Dickinson – good day there bargain hunters and welcome to another exciting and thrilling episode of bargain hunt!
*Tony splashes some wood varnish onto his face*
Tony Dickinson – today we’ll be at the special reserve store with another group of hunters ready to sniff out some gaming bargains.
*He puts the super strong Afro spray down and stands up*
Tony Dickinson- so lets meet those teams!
---------------------------------------
*Next to the counter in special reserve Tony Dickinson meets up with the red team*
Tony Dickinson – hello and welcome red team
Red team – hi Tony!
Tony Dickinson – now lets see, on the red team today we have Mystique and Schroeder. Now Mystique your a pornographic student from Glasgow. Pornograpich student from Glasgow? That can’t be right?
Mystique – no, no. I’m a pornographic student from Yorkshire.
Tony Dickinson – huh?
Mystique – I’d thought you would have remembered me, *she pinches Tony’s bum* you were screaming it out so loud the other week
Tony Dickinson - *nervous cough* yes well um... lets move on shall we
Schroeder – hello
Tony Dickinson – so Schroeder apparently your a member of staff for special reserve
Schro – yep
Tony Dickinson – and your favourite song is ‘angel’ by good old Robbie Williams
Schroeder – yep
Tony Dickinson – and you do a lot of yoga
Schroeder – yep
Tony Dickinson – and you’ll come to my house tonight to perform some of my sick and twisted erotic fantasies?
Schroeder – ye.... What?!
Tony Dickinson – ah well it was worth a try
* Schroeder slaps Tony across the face*
Tony Dickinson – yeah, that kinda thing!
* Schroeder storms out of the room into the ladies toilets crying*
Tony Dickinson – hey, she learns fast. I’ll be with you in a minute love!
*Tony makes a small tiger purr noise*
Tony Dickinson – so lets meet our second and final team, the blue team
Blue team – hey Tony
Tony Dickinson – lets see. We have Meka Dragon and BEARDS. So Meka, how many games have you won so far on game a day?
*Meka turns around and reveals the words ‘more than pb’ stitched onto his leather jacket*
Tony Dickinson – nice stitching there, did you make it yourself?
Meka – yeah, *giggle* with a like help from my mommy
Tony Dickinson – and BEARDS apparently your into rugby and your on a team
*BEARDS nods*
Tony Dickinson – so what position do you play?
BEARDS – umm
Tony Dickinson – are you a winger?
BEARDS – no
Tony Dickinson – a flanker?
Meka - *nervous cough*
Tony Dickinson – a hooker?
Mystique - *nervous cough*
BEARDS – i don’t actually play, I’m more of a water boy
Tony Dickinson – oh, so you freshen their water at the side of the pitch
BEARDS – and in the shower *grins smugly*
*Tony takes a step away*
Tony Dickinson - *nervous laugh* why don’t we introduce your experts, quickly. For the red team we have Loki who has been in the gaming business since it started. And for the blue team we have...
*Tony puts his hand to his ear*
Tony Dickinson – ok, yeah. What do you mean he’s not coming in?! Squashed by a what? Well that’s what you get for working part time at a zoo in the elephant cage. Ok I’ll tell them
Meka – what is it?
Tony Dickinson – well it seems your expert was crushed to death at the zoo
BEARDS – what by?
Tony Dickinson – a giant do not feed the animals sign
Meka – so what are we going to do?
*Tony Dickinson searches around*
Tony Dickinson – hey you!
SHEEPY – who me?
Tony Dickinson – yeah you. How do you fancy earning a fiver?
SHEEPY – listen, if that beards guy wants me to pull my trousers down again its gonna have to cost him double
Tony Dickinson – no nothing like that. All you have to do if wander around with these people wearing blue badges and tell them to buy stuff
SHEEPY – and i can keep my clothes on?
Tony Dickinson – i promise
BEARDS – for now anyway
SHEEPY – ok, I’ll do it
Tony Dickinson – great. Ok teams you know the rules. I give you 100 pound and you have to buy so gaming products from this store. Later on they will be sold at auction and the winning team will be the team that makes the most profit. Got it
Both teams – yeah!
Tony Dickinson – then lets get those bargains!
----------------------------------------------
*after 2 hours the red team has brought grand theft auto vice city and the getaway. Mystique has gained a new high score on Britney’s dance beat and Loki is unsure on a decision so needs Schroeder’s help*
Loki – i just don’t know
Schroeder – go with your gut feeling
Loki – but my gut says one thing and my head says another
Schroeder – ok I’ll do it
Loki – you sure?
Schroeder – no sweat just watch
Loki – alright, make the right choice
Schroeder – now lets see... I’ll just have a coke and a happy meal for my friend over there
*Schroeder gives Loki the happy meal*
Loki – thanks, its amazing where these places spring up
-------------------------------------------
*while on the other side of the shop...*
Meka – so SHEEPY you sure people are gonna want to buy this?
SHEEPY – yes, i mean it cheap and in good nick. Why not?
BEARDS – all right then. Excuse me Mr till operator sir, can we by these magazines please
Till operator – ok. *he puts the dodgy adult porn magazines threw the scanner one after another*
Scanner - *beep* *beep*
Till operator – boys on boats, very popular that one is
Scanner - *beep*
Till operator – adult funny farm, good
*the group begins to read their bizarre magazines*
Scanner - *error!*
Till operator – this one doesn’t seem to have a price on it. Just one moment. *he puts his mouth to the microphone beside him*
Out of the speakers - price check on ‘the official dream cast magazine’
*the group sinks their heads embarrassingly behind their XXX mags*
-------------------------------------------------
*after 4 hours the groups meet back up in the centre of special reserve. shelves and stands have been moved to the sides and chairs have been brought in for the buyers to sit on*
Tony Dickinson – so teams are you ready to sell your items at auction?
Both teams - yeah!
Tony Dickinson – ok, but before we do that to stop the viewers at home getting bored we’ve added a new section to the show
*Rosaline runs infront of the camera lifts up her top and then runs off*
Tony Dickinson – ok. its just starting and its the reds up first
FantasyMeister - oh my ears *adjusts hearing aid* i can’t seem to hear very well these days. Ok shall we start the auction?
*the room falls silent*
FantasyMeister - the first item we have on offer is this lovely copy of grand theft auto 3, its unopened and still in its original box. Shall i start the bidding at 10
*DW raises his hand*
FantasyMeister - 10 from the gentlema..... person at the front there. can i see 20? Thankyou sir 20’s the bid.
*mystique uses her valuable assets to encourage buying by continuously jumping up and down*
----------------------------------------
*mystique and Schroeder have made a 50 pound profit and now its the blue teams turn*
FantasyMeister - who will start the bidding at 10 pounds? Anyone? Ok 9 pounds. No? 7? 6? 5?
(to cut a long story short they lost on everything they had and now its the tern of the dreamcast magazine)
Tony Dickinson – you need this one in order to win. Hey, where’s your expert?
Meka – don’t know. He began telling a torry MP to buy some scruppy jacks and then he just disapeared
Tony Dickinson - really?
Meka – yeah. The police turned up and he vanished right into the back of their van
BEARDS – look, heres our the magazine now
FantasyMeister – for god’s seek. What the hell were they thinking?! No ones going to buy that piece of rubbish. Ohwell lets do it then. Anyone want to buy it for a quid? *his hearing aid falls out onto the floor* damn it * he bends down to get it*
*suddenly smerc and psychotickiller burst into the place*
smerc – this is a stick up nobody.... where are they?
Psychotickiller – where are who?
Smerc – the victims were gonna rob
Psychotickiller – they’re right there
Smerc – no there not nobodies ther... opps my balaclava’s back to front. Ok lets go out and come back in.
*smerc wanders into the fearful crowd*
psychotickiller – the door’s this way
smerc – my bad
*the pair leaves and comes back in wielding red stripy worms*
smerc – all right everyone put your hands up these are poisonous snakes and could kill you will one bite
*just as FantasyMeister gets back up everyone puts up their hands*
FantasyMeister - damn its not working at all now. What the?!
*he glances around the room to see everyone with they’re hands up*
FantasyMeister - wow! Ok ok lets start. 2 pounds?
*all hands stay raised*
FantasyMeister - great! Ok, 5 pounds? You want it don’t you.
*unaware of the robbers he continues to sell the magazine at the escalating price*
smerc – whats that fool doing?
Psychotickiller – beats me. Come on lets still everyone’s money and replace it with slices of spam!
Smerc – good idea
*Indiana Jones music begins to play and from out of nowhere Mr Snuggly swoops in on a vine*
Snuggly – die you evil spammers
smerc – where’s that vine coming from?
Psychotickiller – don’t ask me
Meka – where’s that music coming from?
Psychotickiller - *shrugs*
*unfortunately Mr Snuggly slips and smashes against the wall before landing in and unconscious heap on the floor*
Meka – reminds me of my first blind date
Mysique – why what happened?
Meka – her guide dog ran off and she ended up walking into a lamppost
Smerc – did i say you could speak?! *he shakes the worm at Meka*
Stryke – i wouldn’t do that if i were you
Smerc – whos he?
Psychotickiller – don’t know
Meka – where’d he come from?
Psychotickiller – will you stop with the questions!
Stryke – gaday, I’m Stryke Irwin snake expert
Tony Dickinson – i thought you were crushed to death
Strkye – you know what they say
Psychotickiller – stop, stop. Please just stop with the questions
Stryke – you can’t keep a good 5 foot 4 Australian snake expert down... or crush him with a giant sign
Smerc – why shouldn’t i shake it then?
Stryke – because it’s one of the world most deadliest snakes. The red striped reaper
Psychotickiller – huh?
Stryke – it could kill you with one bite just like that!
Smerc – psychotickiller! I thought you said they were worms with red stripes painted on!
Psychotickiller – that’s it, I’ve had enough of these stupid questions! I’m off to the lair to post rude words on the worlds longest thread
*psychotickiller throws the beast to the ground and storms off. Everyone jumps back in fright*
smerc – what a big baby
Stryke – watch out the reaper is edging towards you, run!
*smerc lets off a girlish squeal of terror and runs out off the door*
Stryke – whoops my mistake it is a worm with red striped painted onto it
*The audience let out a sigh of relief and slowly lower their hands*
FantasyMeister - sold for 16,430 pounds to goatboy
goatboy - what?! But i don’t want it. I was just doing as the robbers said, i didn’t want to buy the thing!
FantasyMeister - sorry mate i can’t hear you
-----------------------------------------------
*after getting a re mortgage on his bungalow goatboy pays Meka and BEARDS*
Tony Dickinson – well who would have thought it. The blue team won with the highest score ever to be seen on bargain hunt. Unlucky to you girls but I’m sure something will come up for you at the end of the show *evil grin*
Tony Dickinson – and the blue team you must be feeling great!
Blue team – yay!
Tony Dickinson - so guys what are you going to spend the money on
Meka – well as it’s close to Christmas i though I’d get BEARDS a little something
BEARDS – how kind, what is it?
Meka – a French student from Bolton
BEARDS – really, no fooling mister
*a lorry pulls up outside and drops off a large crate*
muffled voice – help, get me out of here! Please i can’t breath....
Meka - he’s all yours
BEARDS – this is great, I’ll feed and wash him and play with him everyday
*BEARDS skips off to the crate outside*
Meka – maybe i should have put air holes in it?
Tony Dickinson – that ends another episode of bargain hunt, until next time bye. Now come on girls last one in the Jacuzzi has to strip!
--the end--
Thanks for reading and remember if this problem continues seek medical advice....
Tony Dickinson – good day there bargain hunters and welcome to another exciting and thrilling episode of bargain hunt!
*Tony splashes some wood varnish onto his face*
Tony Dickinson – today we’ll be at the special reserve store with another group of hunters ready to sniff out some gaming bargains.
*He puts the super strong Afro spray down and stands up*
Tony Dickinson- so lets meet those teams!
---------------------------------------
*Next to the counter in special reserve Tony Dickinson meets up with the red team*
Tony Dickinson – hello and welcome red team
Red team – hi Tony!
Tony Dickinson – now lets see, on the red team today we have Mystique and Schroeder. Now Mystique your a pornographic student from Glasgow. Pornograpich student from Glasgow? That can’t be right?
Mystique – no, no. I’m a pornographic student from Yorkshire.
Tony Dickinson – huh?
Mystique – I’d thought you would have remembered me, *she pinches Tony’s bum* you were screaming it out so loud the other week
Tony Dickinson - *nervous cough* yes well um... lets move on shall we
Schroeder – hello
Tony Dickinson – so Schroeder apparently your a member of staff for special reserve
Schro – yep
Tony Dickinson – and your favourite song is ‘angel’ by good old Robbie Williams
Schroeder – yep
Tony Dickinson – and you do a lot of yoga
Schroeder – yep
Tony Dickinson – and you’ll come to my house tonight to perform some of my sick and twisted erotic fantasies?
Schroeder – ye.... What?!
Tony Dickinson – ah well it was worth a try
* Schroeder slaps Tony across the face*
Tony Dickinson – yeah, that kinda thing!
* Schroeder storms out of the room into the ladies toilets crying*
Tony Dickinson – hey, she learns fast. I’ll be with you in a minute love!
*Tony makes a small tiger purr noise*
Tony Dickinson – so lets meet our second and final team, the blue team
Blue team – hey Tony
Tony Dickinson – lets see. We have Meka Dragon and BEARDS. So Meka, how many games have you won so far on game a day?
*Meka turns around and reveals the words ‘more than pb’ stitched onto his leather jacket*
Tony Dickinson – nice stitching there, did you make it yourself?
Meka – yeah, *giggle* with a like help from my mommy
Tony Dickinson – and BEARDS apparently your into rugby and your on a team
*BEARDS nods*
Tony Dickinson – so what position do you play?
BEARDS – umm
Tony Dickinson – are you a winger?
BEARDS – no
Tony Dickinson – a flanker?
Meka - *nervous cough*
Tony Dickinson – a hooker?
Mystique - *nervous cough*
BEARDS – i don’t actually play, I’m more of a water boy
Tony Dickinson – oh, so you freshen their water at the side of the pitch
BEARDS – and in the shower *grins smugly*
*Tony takes a step away*
Tony Dickinson - *nervous laugh* why don’t we introduce your experts, quickly. For the red team we have Loki who has been in the gaming business since it started. And for the blue team we have...
*Tony puts his hand to his ear*
Tony Dickinson – ok, yeah. What do you mean he’s not coming in?! Squashed by a what? Well that’s what you get for working part time at a zoo in the elephant cage. Ok I’ll tell them
Meka – what is it?
Tony Dickinson – well it seems your expert was crushed to death at the zoo
BEARDS – what by?
Tony Dickinson – a giant do not feed the animals sign
Meka – so what are we going to do?
*Tony Dickinson searches around*
Tony Dickinson – hey you!
SHEEPY – who me?
Tony Dickinson – yeah you. How do you fancy earning a fiver?
SHEEPY – listen, if that beards guy wants me to pull my trousers down again its gonna have to cost him double
Tony Dickinson – no nothing like that. All you have to do if wander around with these people wearing blue badges and tell them to buy stuff
SHEEPY – and i can keep my clothes on?
Tony Dickinson – i promise
BEARDS – for now anyway
SHEEPY – ok, I’ll do it
Tony Dickinson – great. Ok teams you know the rules. I give you 100 pound and you have to buy so gaming products from this store. Later on they will be sold at auction and the winning team will be the team that makes the most profit. Got it
Both teams – yeah!
Tony Dickinson – then lets get those bargains!
----------------------------------------------
*after 2 hours the red team has brought grand theft auto vice city and the getaway. Mystique has gained a new high score on Britney’s dance beat and Loki is unsure on a decision so needs Schroeder’s help*
Loki – i just don’t know
Schroeder – go with your gut feeling
Loki – but my gut says one thing and my head says another
Schroeder – ok I’ll do it
Loki – you sure?
Schroeder – no sweat just watch
Loki – alright, make the right choice
Schroeder – now lets see... I’ll just have a coke and a happy meal for my friend over there
*Schroeder gives Loki the happy meal*
Loki – thanks, its amazing where these places spring up
-------------------------------------------
*while on the other side of the shop...*
Meka – so SHEEPY you sure people are gonna want to buy this?
SHEEPY – yes, i mean it cheap and in good nick. Why not?
BEARDS – all right then. Excuse me Mr till operator sir, can we by these magazines please
Till operator – ok. *he puts the dodgy adult porn magazines threw the scanner one after another*
Scanner - *beep* *beep*
Till operator – boys on boats, very popular that one is
Scanner - *beep*
Till operator – adult funny farm, good
*the group begins to read their bizarre magazines*
Scanner - *error!*
Till operator – this one doesn’t seem to have a price on it. Just one moment. *he puts his mouth to the microphone beside him*
Out of the speakers - price check on ‘the official dream cast magazine’
*the group sinks their heads embarrassingly behind their XXX mags*
-------------------------------------------------
*after 4 hours the groups meet back up in the centre of special reserve. shelves and stands have been moved to the sides and chairs have been brought in for the buyers to sit on*
Tony Dickinson – so teams are you ready to sell your items at auction?
Both teams - yeah!
Tony Dickinson – ok, but before we do that to stop the viewers at home getting bored we’ve added a new section to the show
*Rosaline runs infront of the camera lifts up her top and then runs off*
Tony Dickinson – ok. its just starting and its the reds up first
FantasyMeister - oh my ears *adjusts hearing aid* i can’t seem to hear very well these days. Ok shall we start the auction?
*the room falls silent*
FantasyMeister - the first item we have on offer is this lovely copy of grand theft auto 3, its unopened and still in its original box. Shall i start the bidding at 10
*DW raises his hand*
FantasyMeister - 10 from the gentlema..... person at the front there. can i see 20? Thankyou sir 20’s the bid.
*mystique uses her valuable assets to encourage buying by continuously jumping up and down*
----------------------------------------
*mystique and Schroeder have made a 50 pound profit and now its the blue teams turn*
FantasyMeister - who will start the bidding at 10 pounds? Anyone? Ok 9 pounds. No? 7? 6? 5?
(to cut a long story short they lost on everything they had and now its the tern of the dreamcast magazine)
Tony Dickinson – you need this one in order to win. Hey, where’s your expert?
Meka – don’t know. He began telling a torry MP to buy some scruppy jacks and then he just disapeared
Tony Dickinson - really?
Meka – yeah. The police turned up and he vanished right into the back of their van
BEARDS – look, heres our the magazine now
FantasyMeister – for god’s seek. What the hell were they thinking?! No ones going to buy that piece of rubbish. Ohwell lets do it then. Anyone want to buy it for a quid? *his hearing aid falls out onto the floor* damn it * he bends down to get it*
*suddenly smerc and psychotickiller burst into the place*
smerc – this is a stick up nobody.... where are they?
Psychotickiller – where are who?
Smerc – the victims were gonna rob
Psychotickiller – they’re right there
Smerc – no there not nobodies ther... opps my balaclava’s back to front. Ok lets go out and come back in.
*smerc wanders into the fearful crowd*
psychotickiller – the door’s this way
smerc – my bad
*the pair leaves and comes back in wielding red stripy worms*
smerc – all right everyone put your hands up these are poisonous snakes and could kill you will one bite
*just as FantasyMeister gets back up everyone puts up their hands*
FantasyMeister - damn its not working at all now. What the?!
*he glances around the room to see everyone with they’re hands up*
FantasyMeister - wow! Ok ok lets start. 2 pounds?
*all hands stay raised*
FantasyMeister - great! Ok, 5 pounds? You want it don’t you.
*unaware of the robbers he continues to sell the magazine at the escalating price*
smerc – whats that fool doing?
Psychotickiller – beats me. Come on lets still everyone’s money and replace it with slices of spam!
Smerc – good idea
*Indiana Jones music begins to play and from out of nowhere Mr Snuggly swoops in on a vine*
Snuggly – die you evil spammers
smerc – where’s that vine coming from?
Psychotickiller – don’t ask me
Meka – where’s that music coming from?
Psychotickiller - *shrugs*
*unfortunately Mr Snuggly slips and smashes against the wall before landing in and unconscious heap on the floor*
Meka – reminds me of my first blind date
Mysique – why what happened?
Meka – her guide dog ran off and she ended up walking into a lamppost
Smerc – did i say you could speak?! *he shakes the worm at Meka*
Stryke – i wouldn’t do that if i were you
Smerc – whos he?
Psychotickiller – don’t know
Meka – where’d he come from?
Psychotickiller – will you stop with the questions!
Stryke – gaday, I’m Stryke Irwin snake expert
Tony Dickinson – i thought you were crushed to death
Strkye – you know what they say
Psychotickiller – stop, stop. Please just stop with the questions
Stryke – you can’t keep a good 5 foot 4 Australian snake expert down... or crush him with a giant sign
Smerc – why shouldn’t i shake it then?
Stryke – because it’s one of the world most deadliest snakes. The red striped reaper
Psychotickiller – huh?
Stryke – it could kill you with one bite just like that!
Smerc – psychotickiller! I thought you said they were worms with red stripes painted on!
Psychotickiller – that’s it, I’ve had enough of these stupid questions! I’m off to the lair to post rude words on the worlds longest thread
*psychotickiller throws the beast to the ground and storms off. Everyone jumps back in fright*
smerc – what a big baby
Stryke – watch out the reaper is edging towards you, run!
*smerc lets off a girlish squeal of terror and runs out off the door*
Stryke – whoops my mistake it is a worm with red striped painted onto it
*The audience let out a sigh of relief and slowly lower their hands*
FantasyMeister - sold for 16,430 pounds to goatboy
goatboy - what?! But i don’t want it. I was just doing as the robbers said, i didn’t want to buy the thing!
FantasyMeister - sorry mate i can’t hear you
-----------------------------------------------
*after getting a re mortgage on his bungalow goatboy pays Meka and BEARDS*
Tony Dickinson – well who would have thought it. The blue team won with the highest score ever to be seen on bargain hunt. Unlucky to you girls but I’m sure something will come up for you at the end of the show *evil grin*
Tony Dickinson – and the blue team you must be feeling great!
Blue team – yay!
Tony Dickinson - so guys what are you going to spend the money on
Meka – well as it’s close to Christmas i though I’d get BEARDS a little something
BEARDS – how kind, what is it?
Meka – a French student from Bolton
BEARDS – really, no fooling mister
*a lorry pulls up outside and drops off a large crate*
muffled voice – help, get me out of here! Please i can’t breath....
Meka - he’s all yours
BEARDS – this is great, I’ll feed and wash him and play with him everyday
*BEARDS skips off to the crate outside*
Meka – maybe i should have put air holes in it?
Tony Dickinson – that ends another episode of bargain hunt, until next time bye. Now come on girls last one in the Jacuzzi has to strip!
--the end--
Thanks for reading and remember if this problem continues seek medical advice....
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