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"Breaking News! New console Announced!"

We all know the Amish don't use electricity, and they don't have phones, or anything to do with modern technology. But if you do a search on the web for "Amish", you will find a ton of Amish web sites. They may have computers inside their ‘humble homes’ but what else lies in the murky depths of the Amish’s secret technology, what else do we not know?

Well I wanted to know, so I sent a secret agent (Parr) into the AMISH TECHNOLOGY RESOURCE CENTER located in a remote underground bunker in Intercourse, Pennsylvania What he found shocked us... and now we bring his findings directly to you... THE FIRST WORKING AMISH CONSOLE! Codenamed, the ‘Barnraiser’
Well... OK... so it's not exactly what we would call a next generation console.... but it's the most advanced scrabble game in history! Using ultra-low tech antique equipment the Amish have actually built a portable "console" which is said to revolutionise Amish gaming.

Features:
· 13 x 6 Bead Resolution
· 78 RAB (Random Access Bead) Memory
· All wood construction
· Chalk & slate based input
· Holders for slate, chalk, charcoal and stylus
· 1 Chicken Power Supply
· Built-in Modem (for online play codenamed Barnraiser Live tm)

I managed to contact the leader of the Barnraiser team Jebediah Gates. I had the opportunity to ask Jebediah a series of questions regarding the Barnraiser.
What kind of power source does the Laptop use?

The Barnraiser doesn't really need power...it is just a series of beads controlled by a pulley system, that when arranged in certain patterns can be translated into motion and still pictures and images. The only source of power needed to run the Barnraiser's pulley system comes from a rather small chicken attached to the Barnraiser by means of a rope.
Isn't the use of ANY technology frowned upon by the Amish?

Yes it is. But the Amish have decided that the Barnraiser is by no means technology. :- )
What does the future hold for the Barnraiser?

Well, the first sort of beadware (software) includes a butter churn simulator, a virtual barn builder, and quilt designer. Also Harvest Grain is tipped to be the Game of the Year 2003.

What other non-technological breakthroughs are the Amish working on?
No comment

Although we also hear they are working on an electricity substitute involving kites, strings, butter churns, and lightning bolts. Details are sketchy, but we are told that since lightning is provided by God, it's OK to use it. Another research group is reportedly trying to utilize static electricity by means of rubbing sheep on carpets and balloons, but this may just be a rumour.

So the Amish are not technologically impair, in fact the future looks very good for the Barnraiser and eventually Amish technology. If the Barnraiser plays a strong part within the Amish culture then we shall probably be playing the Barnraiser in no time. I am really looking forward to Harvest Grain, from the early screenshots, it looks amazing. The Amish have been very secretive about future technology and add-ons for the Barnraiser, although the information is a bit sketchy I can easily see the Barnraiser outselling the PS2 especially in Japan, where the game ideas will be gratefully accepted.
Many of you will not believe me, but the futures bright, the futures Amish. Just remember where you heard the news first when you are playing the greatest console in the world (the Barnraiser, of course) in the for see able future.
Thanks for reading
Sam41

I managed to get another interview with Jebediah Gates, this is how the one question interview went:
Is the Laptop Windows 95 compatible?

No. The Barnraiser uses it's very own operating system called BOS (Bead Operating System) which was created by an Amish carpenter who specializes in building windows: Ezekiel Simple. When asked why he developed the Laptop, Ezekiel said that when he heard of the 'English' browsing around on the Internet, spreading porn and sin, he had to do something to promote good Amish values on the net, so the Barnraiser is online enabled, and internet surfing freindly.

Hope this clears up any questions about the Barnraiser
Sam41

†HÊ_MÅÐMÃÑ wrote:
> i think itll be good and entertaining. what is it like?

hmmmm, there's some thing odd going on here....
This chaps screen tag line (or whatever they call it) looks familiar.
But that can't be, he's left the building, or has he........

Kyz22 wrote:
> I bet it runs windows 98 better than my pc!

If it did run 98, the owner would be visited on a daily basis by a "door to door" sales person, trying to get them to upgrade it. This would be the "Upgrade via runner" option then!

i think itll be good and entertaining. what is it like?

I bet it runs windows 98 better than my pc!

nice one.

Does it run Microsoft XP?

Yeah, I can see it now. Barnraiser being a household item and an every day word. THIS IS THE FUTURE!

Sam41

LOL! What a great idea, this will certainly knock Sony and Microsoft out of the war next year.

I agree, It is technically better than the PS2, but performance wise the Barnraiser will OWN YOUR LIFE! Literally, it comes with a contract which is, as the slack jawed yokel on the advert with Wycliffe in would say, "Legally Binding"

Sam41

I bet they spent a whole load of chicken feed making this one...