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*Just to point out, although this is indeed a spoof, it isn't funny. There may be some parts that are funny, but it was designed as a story, so don't expect to laugh. :)
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June 1942: Omaha beach
Captain ( C ) Chips: Ok men, you know what to do.
*Drunk C throws up*
AJ: Eeew…. You ACTUALLY eat grass?
WS: *hoarse voice* OK men, we'll be on the beach in one minute. Get ready!
C Chips: Right, get your heads down!
*Handle spins round, and the door lowers. Suddenly, an onslaught of bullets attacks the men. Confused, and panicking, they jump into the water, and make their way up to the beach*
C Chips: GET BEHIND THE TANK TRAPS!
*C Chips then zones out, and everything goes in slow motion. This is because he did drugs on the craft. See kids, drugs are bad!*
AJ: What do we do sir?
C Chips: Let's move out of here. Move your men up to the bank over there. If you stay here, you're a dead Scotsman.
AJ: yeah, about that. How the hell did a Scotsman like me end up in the American army?
C Chips: You win some, you lose some. NOW MOVE OUT!
*As they run up the beach, there are scenes of carnage everywhere they look*
AJ: OK Sir, what now?
C Chips: Er… let's blow our way through here and go from there!
*The bank, barbed wire and mines are blown up instantly*
AJ: Aye, she's good!
C Chips: Ok men, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!
*They clamber up the bank, and jump behind the German fortifications. GTA Gangster decides to see how long he can dance without being shot*
GTA Gangster: I'ma dancin', I'ma dan… *Bang*
AJ: Hah, muppet!
C Chips: Shut up. Now, we don't have any mirrors, so you'll have to use the greasy shiny plate in my box where the chips sit. *Opens lid* Damn McCain, make it so hard to open the friggin' lids! Ah, there we go. Now, you see him there? Take him out. Ok, on three. One, Three!
Link to the past: Hey, what happened to two, you sh… *Bang*
C Chips: How many more are there?
AJ: Two sir.
C Chips: Gerrid, over here! I want you to take the remaining men out, ok?
Gerrid: Ok.
*He runs out, jumps into position and fires. The two men fall down the hill, and are immediately Bundled*
AJ: BUUUUUUUNDLLEEEEE!
*Everyone piles on*
AJ: Heh, that showed them.
C Chips: Right, move up to the top!
*Staggering up the hill, they eventually make it up*
C Chips: Ok men, take 'em out!
*Grenades are thrown, bullets pelt everywhere, and Tribute smacks a German in the mouth*
C Chips: well, I'd say that was very well done. To our German friend! Danke!
AJ: Hang on, GERMAN friend!
C Chips: Crap! *Fires*
AJ: Er, sir, you shot DW..
DW: Back-stabbing bas….
C Chips: Wasn't me! *fires again, this time, it hit's the German, known as Franz, in the head*
C Chips: I showed him! Ok boys, we did it!
*Hours later*
C Chips: Yes sir, that's how we did it
Rickoss: Telegram for you sir!
Major Snuggly: Thanks. *Reads* Ok, it says here that you are to find a Private Reddy, brother to Bluey, orangey and greenie.
AJ: *Snigger*
Major Snuggly: C Chips, it's your responsibility to find him. Now, I want you to assemble a team, find him, and get him out of here!
C Chips: Yes sir. Now, umm, I'll need five infantry…
AJ: Aye!
Hercules: Here!
Maverick: Here!
Ant: Here!
Tribute: Here!
C Chips: Ok, Umm, a sniper
Gerrid: *Pootles* I'm here
C Chips: A translator. Anyone here a translator?
Rickoss: Well, I kinda did German for a bit.
C Chips: Right, you're coming then. That'll be it then, I suppose. Right, move out men!
*Back in USA*
*A car pulls up outside SR towers*
Aliboy: Umm.. Ma'am, I'm afraid to inform you that three of your sons are dead.
Tony: I'm a bloke damnit! Just because I can't grow a beard!
Aliboy: Oh, sorry Sir. Well, there's a rescue operation underway to rescue private Reddy, who is still alive. He parachuted in, well, actually, he forgot to wear a parachute and kinda fell out of the plane, but he's still alive.
Tony: Thank-you. Now, how about a cigar?
Aliboy: Couldn't have said it better myself!
*Back in France, heading away from Omaha beach*
C Chips: Ok men, Private Reddy parachuted in behind enemy lines.
AJ: Hey, we could make a film with that tile. Behind Enemy lines.
C Chips: Sssh. You see that town up there?
AJ: No..
C Chips: Anyway, that's German territory, so we'd better be careful.
*They arrive in the town*
C Chips: ok, Gerrid, move over there. The rest of you, come with me.
*Gerrid moves into position, while everyone else moves behind a wall*
C Chips: You see him?
Gerrid: Yeah, up in the clock tower. I'll get 'im!
*Bang*
Gerrid: Yeee-haaaaaw!
*Tribute runs out and dances*
Tribute: Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh YEAH!
*A Nazi appears from around the corner, and Tribute is killed instantly*
AJ: Oh yeah, nice idea. I'll give you friggin' Oh yeah! *fires* *The German falls on the ground clutching his stomach*
C Chips: Nice shot. Quickly, let's move up and meet with the group on the west side of town.
MoJo: Hey.
C Chips: Hi. I understand you have a Private Reddy?
MoJo: Yes, he's over there.
C Chips: Thanks. Now, son, I'm afraid to inform you that your brothers are dead.
Ready: What? *Sobs* They were my best friends!
C Chips: Hang on, how do you spell your surname?
Ready: R-E-A-D-Y
C Chips: Ahhaha! Wrong person! We're looking for a private REDDY, R-E-D-D-Y!
Ready: Oh yeah, have a laugh! Still, at least they're alive…
MoJo: Telegraph for you Ready.
*reads*
Ready: They really ARE dead!
C Chips: Er, I think we'd better go… *runs*
*minutes later*
C Chips: Wow, how embarrassing. Umm… we'd better press on. Ramelle is *Looks at sign* 16Km from here.
*They wander on, and reach a farm*
C Chips: Rickoss, over here.
Rick: Yes sir?
C Chips: Translate what this man is saying.
Rick: He says… Merry Christmas, foxes win 16-12 and armadillos rule.
C Chips: What does he REALLY say?
Rick: His wife and kids were shot dead by the Krauts when he took an injured paratrooper up to see the doctor. When he returned, they were dead.
C Chips: Thank him, and tell him we're sorry for his loss.
*It's early morning, and the 7 men are walking carefully through the woods to the edge of a field. Up in the trees are two dead paratroopers, and the trees are punctured with bullets. Maverick comes to the conclusion that there's a machine gun nearby, and forms a plan*
Maverick: Right, I have a plan. We go left, while one man goes right. He needs to be fast. We flank them, firing as we go.
C Chips: Ok, Maverick, you go right. The rest of you come with me while we go left. Maverick, run like Hell.
Maverick: Yes sir.
C Chips: OK men, GO!
*Maverick runs off right, when a massive German machine gun swings at him and starts to fire. He hits the dirt. C Chips and the rest of the men run left. The machine gun swings to them and fires. They hit the dirt. Maverick gets back up and runs towards the hedge on the right. He's too slow, and the bullets rip into his chest. He swings round and falls on the floor, while the others watch in terror, and dive into the hedge on the left*
*Ant runs into the open, cuts down two German's outside the bunker, while Hercules throws a grenade into the bunker. It explodes, killing the four Germans inside. AJ shoots the remaining German, and they rush over to Maverick*
C Chips: Crap, quick, get the Sulfa! *Looks at wound, and realises it's fatal*
C Chips: Quick, get the morphine!
Maverick: Yeah…morphine…make it…a double…. Huh… Captain?
*C Chips injects the morphine into Maverick's neck. He then gets the second syringe, and injects that also. The morphine has an effect. Maverick smiles, and then dies. C Chips closes his eyes, and looks over to Rickoss, who is traumatised*
*C Chips grabs Mavericks Dog Tags, pockets it, and then grabs his Thompson and the unused morphine*
*They wander over into an overgrown gully, and hide. They rest for one hour*
*Eventually, they get up and wander off down the road. C Chips checks his map, points in the direction and they head off. The signpost on the side reads "Ramelle 3Km"*
C Chips: Looks like we're going to get to Ramelle before the Krauts do tonight.
*There's an increasing rumble*
Ant: Not by the looks of things.
*Crossing a bridge on the other side are German panzer tanks, vehicles, and troops*
C Chips: Quick, into this ditch
*They climb in, and wait for the Germans to pass.*
Hercules: Wonder where they're going?
C Chips: same place we are, Ramelle.
8they reach Ramelle, and enter the square. They move from door to door, until they reach the bridge.
C Chips: We're coming over!
Voice from other side of bridge: The hell you are, Fritz! Who won the SR chair-race last week?
C Chips: *Looks at men. None know*
C Chips: We don't know, but we're coming over.
*They run across the bridge, with German snipers firing at them. They dive behind a crate, and the voice from the bridge turns out to be Captain Kyz*
C Kyz: It was Loki.
C Chips: Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
C Kyz: What are things like?
C Chips: Things are pretty rough. We're looking for a Private Reddy.
C Kyz: Reddy? Go get Reddy!
Maddmun: Yes sir!
C Chips: How many men do you have Sir?
C Kyz: Eleven. We started with Thirty-six.
*Private Reddy is seen running towards them*
C Chips: Private, I've got some bad news for you. You brothers have been killed in Combat. All three of them.
Reddy: Oh… *sways*
C Kyz: Poor son-of-a…
C Chips: Sir, we're moving out of here and we're taking you with us.
C Kyz: Our orders are strict Sir. We hold the bridge.
C Chips: Right, *Orders men* Ant, over there, Hercules, set the B.A.R over there, Gerrid and AJ, up in the tower, Rickoss, you stay with me. Reddy, as for you, I want you right next to me, no matter where I go. Is that clear?
Reddy: yes sir, Graphite clear.
C Chips: You mean Crystal clear?
Reddy: Yeah, that too!
*The men assume their positions, and fire. The Germans realise, and fire back. A fierce battle follows. Suddenly, tanks enter Ramelle*
C Chips: Oh s….
*They run up, stick the newly-made tar-covered socks containing gunpowder, and run. The tank blows up. The other three tanks are picked off. Suddenly, there's a load rumble*
Ant: More tanks, Goddamn it!
Hercules: Captain, look!
*On the horizon, an American tank appears, and another, and another. The army has caught up with them*
Ant: Well, I'll be damned… We're saved!
END
*Note, I changed the ending, as it mirrored the film too much. :D
======
June 1942: Omaha beach
Captain ( C ) Chips: Ok men, you know what to do.
*Drunk C throws up*
AJ: Eeew…. You ACTUALLY eat grass?
WS: *hoarse voice* OK men, we'll be on the beach in one minute. Get ready!
C Chips: Right, get your heads down!
*Handle spins round, and the door lowers. Suddenly, an onslaught of bullets attacks the men. Confused, and panicking, they jump into the water, and make their way up to the beach*
C Chips: GET BEHIND THE TANK TRAPS!
*C Chips then zones out, and everything goes in slow motion. This is because he did drugs on the craft. See kids, drugs are bad!*
AJ: What do we do sir?
C Chips: Let's move out of here. Move your men up to the bank over there. If you stay here, you're a dead Scotsman.
AJ: yeah, about that. How the hell did a Scotsman like me end up in the American army?
C Chips: You win some, you lose some. NOW MOVE OUT!
*As they run up the beach, there are scenes of carnage everywhere they look*
AJ: OK Sir, what now?
C Chips: Er… let's blow our way through here and go from there!
*The bank, barbed wire and mines are blown up instantly*
AJ: Aye, she's good!
C Chips: Ok men, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!
*They clamber up the bank, and jump behind the German fortifications. GTA Gangster decides to see how long he can dance without being shot*
GTA Gangster: I'ma dancin', I'ma dan… *Bang*
AJ: Hah, muppet!
C Chips: Shut up. Now, we don't have any mirrors, so you'll have to use the greasy shiny plate in my box where the chips sit. *Opens lid* Damn McCain, make it so hard to open the friggin' lids! Ah, there we go. Now, you see him there? Take him out. Ok, on three. One, Three!
Link to the past: Hey, what happened to two, you sh… *Bang*
C Chips: How many more are there?
AJ: Two sir.
C Chips: Gerrid, over here! I want you to take the remaining men out, ok?
Gerrid: Ok.
*He runs out, jumps into position and fires. The two men fall down the hill, and are immediately Bundled*
AJ: BUUUUUUUNDLLEEEEE!
*Everyone piles on*
AJ: Heh, that showed them.
C Chips: Right, move up to the top!
*Staggering up the hill, they eventually make it up*
C Chips: Ok men, take 'em out!
*Grenades are thrown, bullets pelt everywhere, and Tribute smacks a German in the mouth*
C Chips: well, I'd say that was very well done. To our German friend! Danke!
AJ: Hang on, GERMAN friend!
C Chips: Crap! *Fires*
AJ: Er, sir, you shot DW..
DW: Back-stabbing bas….
C Chips: Wasn't me! *fires again, this time, it hit's the German, known as Franz, in the head*
C Chips: I showed him! Ok boys, we did it!
*Hours later*
C Chips: Yes sir, that's how we did it
Rickoss: Telegram for you sir!
Major Snuggly: Thanks. *Reads* Ok, it says here that you are to find a Private Reddy, brother to Bluey, orangey and greenie.
AJ: *Snigger*
Major Snuggly: C Chips, it's your responsibility to find him. Now, I want you to assemble a team, find him, and get him out of here!
C Chips: Yes sir. Now, umm, I'll need five infantry…
AJ: Aye!
Hercules: Here!
Maverick: Here!
Ant: Here!
Tribute: Here!
C Chips: Ok, Umm, a sniper
Gerrid: *Pootles* I'm here
C Chips: A translator. Anyone here a translator?
Rickoss: Well, I kinda did German for a bit.
C Chips: Right, you're coming then. That'll be it then, I suppose. Right, move out men!
*Back in USA*
*A car pulls up outside SR towers*
Aliboy: Umm.. Ma'am, I'm afraid to inform you that three of your sons are dead.
Tony: I'm a bloke damnit! Just because I can't grow a beard!
Aliboy: Oh, sorry Sir. Well, there's a rescue operation underway to rescue private Reddy, who is still alive. He parachuted in, well, actually, he forgot to wear a parachute and kinda fell out of the plane, but he's still alive.
Tony: Thank-you. Now, how about a cigar?
Aliboy: Couldn't have said it better myself!
*Back in France, heading away from Omaha beach*
C Chips: Ok men, Private Reddy parachuted in behind enemy lines.
AJ: Hey, we could make a film with that tile. Behind Enemy lines.
C Chips: Sssh. You see that town up there?
AJ: No..
C Chips: Anyway, that's German territory, so we'd better be careful.
*They arrive in the town*
C Chips: ok, Gerrid, move over there. The rest of you, come with me.
*Gerrid moves into position, while everyone else moves behind a wall*
C Chips: You see him?
Gerrid: Yeah, up in the clock tower. I'll get 'im!
*Bang*
Gerrid: Yeee-haaaaaw!
*Tribute runs out and dances*
Tribute: Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh YEAH!
*A Nazi appears from around the corner, and Tribute is killed instantly*
AJ: Oh yeah, nice idea. I'll give you friggin' Oh yeah! *fires* *The German falls on the ground clutching his stomach*
C Chips: Nice shot. Quickly, let's move up and meet with the group on the west side of town.
MoJo: Hey.
C Chips: Hi. I understand you have a Private Reddy?
MoJo: Yes, he's over there.
C Chips: Thanks. Now, son, I'm afraid to inform you that your brothers are dead.
Ready: What? *Sobs* They were my best friends!
C Chips: Hang on, how do you spell your surname?
Ready: R-E-A-D-Y
C Chips: Ahhaha! Wrong person! We're looking for a private REDDY, R-E-D-D-Y!
Ready: Oh yeah, have a laugh! Still, at least they're alive…
MoJo: Telegraph for you Ready.
*reads*
Ready: They really ARE dead!
C Chips: Er, I think we'd better go… *runs*
*minutes later*
C Chips: Wow, how embarrassing. Umm… we'd better press on. Ramelle is *Looks at sign* 16Km from here.
*They wander on, and reach a farm*
C Chips: Rickoss, over here.
Rick: Yes sir?
C Chips: Translate what this man is saying.
Rick: He says… Merry Christmas, foxes win 16-12 and armadillos rule.
C Chips: What does he REALLY say?
Rick: His wife and kids were shot dead by the Krauts when he took an injured paratrooper up to see the doctor. When he returned, they were dead.
C Chips: Thank him, and tell him we're sorry for his loss.
*It's early morning, and the 7 men are walking carefully through the woods to the edge of a field. Up in the trees are two dead paratroopers, and the trees are punctured with bullets. Maverick comes to the conclusion that there's a machine gun nearby, and forms a plan*
Maverick: Right, I have a plan. We go left, while one man goes right. He needs to be fast. We flank them, firing as we go.
C Chips: Ok, Maverick, you go right. The rest of you come with me while we go left. Maverick, run like Hell.
Maverick: Yes sir.
C Chips: OK men, GO!
*Maverick runs off right, when a massive German machine gun swings at him and starts to fire. He hits the dirt. C Chips and the rest of the men run left. The machine gun swings to them and fires. They hit the dirt. Maverick gets back up and runs towards the hedge on the right. He's too slow, and the bullets rip into his chest. He swings round and falls on the floor, while the others watch in terror, and dive into the hedge on the left*
*Ant runs into the open, cuts down two German's outside the bunker, while Hercules throws a grenade into the bunker. It explodes, killing the four Germans inside. AJ shoots the remaining German, and they rush over to Maverick*
C Chips: Crap, quick, get the Sulfa! *Looks at wound, and realises it's fatal*
C Chips: Quick, get the morphine!
Maverick: Yeah…morphine…make it…a double…. Huh… Captain?
*C Chips injects the morphine into Maverick's neck. He then gets the second syringe, and injects that also. The morphine has an effect. Maverick smiles, and then dies. C Chips closes his eyes, and looks over to Rickoss, who is traumatised*
*C Chips grabs Mavericks Dog Tags, pockets it, and then grabs his Thompson and the unused morphine*
*They wander over into an overgrown gully, and hide. They rest for one hour*
*Eventually, they get up and wander off down the road. C Chips checks his map, points in the direction and they head off. The signpost on the side reads "Ramelle 3Km"*
C Chips: Looks like we're going to get to Ramelle before the Krauts do tonight.
*There's an increasing rumble*
Ant: Not by the looks of things.
*Crossing a bridge on the other side are German panzer tanks, vehicles, and troops*
C Chips: Quick, into this ditch
*They climb in, and wait for the Germans to pass.*
Hercules: Wonder where they're going?
C Chips: same place we are, Ramelle.
8they reach Ramelle, and enter the square. They move from door to door, until they reach the bridge.
C Chips: We're coming over!
Voice from other side of bridge: The hell you are, Fritz! Who won the SR chair-race last week?
C Chips: *Looks at men. None know*
C Chips: We don't know, but we're coming over.
*They run across the bridge, with German snipers firing at them. They dive behind a crate, and the voice from the bridge turns out to be Captain Kyz*
C Kyz: It was Loki.
C Chips: Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
C Kyz: What are things like?
C Chips: Things are pretty rough. We're looking for a Private Reddy.
C Kyz: Reddy? Go get Reddy!
Maddmun: Yes sir!
C Chips: How many men do you have Sir?
C Kyz: Eleven. We started with Thirty-six.
*Private Reddy is seen running towards them*
C Chips: Private, I've got some bad news for you. You brothers have been killed in Combat. All three of them.
Reddy: Oh… *sways*
C Kyz: Poor son-of-a…
C Chips: Sir, we're moving out of here and we're taking you with us.
C Kyz: Our orders are strict Sir. We hold the bridge.
C Chips: Right, *Orders men* Ant, over there, Hercules, set the B.A.R over there, Gerrid and AJ, up in the tower, Rickoss, you stay with me. Reddy, as for you, I want you right next to me, no matter where I go. Is that clear?
Reddy: yes sir, Graphite clear.
C Chips: You mean Crystal clear?
Reddy: Yeah, that too!
*The men assume their positions, and fire. The Germans realise, and fire back. A fierce battle follows. Suddenly, tanks enter Ramelle*
C Chips: Oh s….
*They run up, stick the newly-made tar-covered socks containing gunpowder, and run. The tank blows up. The other three tanks are picked off. Suddenly, there's a load rumble*
Ant: More tanks, Goddamn it!
Hercules: Captain, look!
*On the horizon, an American tank appears, and another, and another. The army has caught up with them*
Ant: Well, I'll be damned… We're saved!
END
*Note, I changed the ending, as it mirrored the film too much. :D
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That's the best reply I've ever had to a spoof. Cheers very much Ant. :D
And you still have time to write the spoofs, just not time to take the praise.
Lol. Still, 2 hours a day at weekend isn't THAT bad...
:D
:D
Fantustic. It really won't be the same withouyt you man.
Half an hour just isn't long enough.
Half an hour just isn't long enough.
Shameless popping
*shakes head*
*shakes head*
Cheers guys
:)
:)
Great post Microchips
Kepp them coming :D
Kepp them coming :D
Lol, it may not have meant to be funny but it was. But, i have to read more spoofs, so see ya.
Cheers.
Once again, another brilliant post by Microchips keep it up they are great.
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