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After my Wrestlemania main event spoof, I thought I'd do a full RAW one
So here it is, a little later than planned because I wanted to find out what the NWO did when they came back
This is a made up event by the way, it won't spoil this weeks RAW for you
*RAW goes on the air*
*The camera shows some signs*
"What? 3:16!"
"Y2-Jackass"
"Olympic Cry Baby!"
"Dead Man Walking? Old Man Sucking more like!"
"Argh! I'm surrounded by marks!"
"Billy and Chucky got married last week"
"Someone stole my sign"
"Do not read this sign"
"Sign for sale"
"I stole these tickets"
"NW-Oh God! Not again!"
"Trish, you left your toothbrush at mine last night!"
"Dyslexia - 6:13"
"I've been be-smirched!"
"Tajiri is paying Torrie Wilson!"
"Austin stole my beer!"
"Undisputed A** Clown!"
"RVD - I'm stoned too!"
"The Rock's Strudel Is Mouldy!"
"Game Over? It should be!"
"Val Venis Is My Dad!"
"Where's HBK?"
JR - Hello everyone and welcome to RAW! We have a great show for you tonight! Isn't that right, King?
King - What was that? Oh, yeah, sure... whatever
JR - Tonight, because we have too many main event stars, we have ANOTHER tag match involving our champion Y2J!
King - Oh boy!
JR - Exciting, isn't it?
King - What? No, I was looking at that girl in the first row! Woo hoo!
JR - OK ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have our first match!
*Billy and Chucky appear, prancing around. They run to the ring holding hands and hug. Billy gives Chuck a kiss for good luck*
Billy - Now, when we were in the shower together before, I noticed Chuck has the cutest little birthmark...
Chuck - Dude, seriously, they don't need to know that... because YOU have the cutest little dimples when you smile!
JR - Wow, these two guys sure have picked up since teaming together. Even though they only started tagging a few weeks back, and even though they have the talent of a talentless beaver, I believe they are our next tag team champions!
*Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert appear. Albert looks ridiculous in bright green pants and a do-rag. He tries to do the splits but falls over. Scotty runs down and into the ring*
JR - Wow, these two guys sure have picked up since teaming together. Even though they only started tagging a few weeks back, and even though they have the talent of a talentless cow, I believe they are our next tag team champions!
King - Um...
JR - This is gonna be a REAL slobber knocker!
*Albert is on the ring apron, Scotty starts against Billy*
JR - Both these teams are amazing, they're really going places in the WWF. Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert are our next tag team champions in my opinion!
*Billy lumbers about the ring, Scotty 2 Hotty tries to carry him to a half decent match, but fails. After Billy "Botch It" Gunn drops Scotty on his head after a messed up backdrop, he tags in Chucky with a slap on the wrist. Chucky swallows his pride and gets in the ring*
JR - Wow, this action is hot! Billy and Chucky are the next tag team champions in my opinion!
King - Ha, look at the hip hop hippo! What an idiot! Is he having a spasm?
JR - No, I think he's trying to dance...
*After surviving a near concussion, Scotty tags in Albert who screams a lot and beats on Chucky. Billy gets some cheap shots in on him, Albert doesn't sell and instead knocks Billy off the apron*
*Scotty is bouncing on the ropes, getting higher and higher. He slips and falls off, a chant rings through the arena and Scotty tries his best not to look hurt after smashing his chin on the ring apron*
JR - Um... He, was, erm, trying... to... get Billy with a move but missed it!
King - Come on JR, they're not THAT stupid!
*Billy is tagged in against Scotty. Scotty with the bulldog! Worm! W-O-R-M!*
King - Here it is, JR! The worm! Wooooo!
*Scotty nails the worm on Billy. Cover. 1! 2! Chuck breaks up the three count*
JR - Oh my! This one should be over! No-one kicks out of the worm, it's the most devastating move in sports entertainment today!
*Albert gets the Baldo bomb on Chucky, and then the scissors kick on Billy. Scotty covers him. 1! 2! 3!*
JR - They've done it! They've overcome the odds and defeated the best team in wrestling history!
*After the winners leave, Billy and Chucky get up, hug and walk up the ramp holding hands*
JR - Wow, that was easily one of the best matches I have ever seen in all my years of wrestling, now ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to remind you of our next Pay Per View-
*JR is cut off as No Chance plays and Vince swaggers down to the ring. He grabs a mic from Lillian Garcia who does her best to act scared*
JR - Oh great, now we have to listen to this guy waffle on for the next 10 minutes!
King - Ross, that's bad for ratings!
JR - Oh, yeah... Um... Oh my God! What is this evil genius going to say! I'm sure whatever it is, it will have you glued to your seat!
King - Yeah, otherwise they'd leave! Ha!
Vince - Ha ha ha! I am evil! I am despicable! I make fun of you poor working slobs and attack your favourite wrestlers! Ha ha! Bow before me!
*Crowd boos*
*Suddenly, music from Wrestlemania 1 plays*
JR - Oh my God! It's Linda! Linda! Linda!
*Vince's wife comes down, doing her best to look angry at Vince*
*She gets into the ring and takes a mic*
Linda - Vince. I. Think. That. You. Are. An. Evil. Man.
Vince - What do you mean... honey?
Linda - I. Mean. You... Are. An. Evil. Man.
*Linda can be heard whispering to Vince*
Linda - Vince, I've forgotten my line!
Vince - Don't worry darling, just cut to the finish so we can go off for some you know what
Linda - OK my little billionaire.
*Linda holds the mic back up, stares Vince straight in the eye*
Linda - I. WAAAANT. Aaaah. Deeeevorrrrce!
JR - Divorce! Divorce! Divorce! Look at the carnage!
Vince - But, Linda! What have I done this time?
Linda - You. Cheated. On. Me. You. Had. Me. On. Medi-caaaaaaation.
Vince - I can change!
Linda - Sorry... Vince... I. Just. Don't. Love... you... any. More
*Linda leaves, Vince cries and runs after her*
Vince - But I was gonna share the NWO with you, I swear!
JR - Oh my God, nobody saw that coming!
King - Yeah, the scriptwriters are really messin' us around- They're getting divorced AGAIN? Hey, that guy in the 3rd row owes me money! But wow, look at the girl he's with...
JR - Well, ladies and gentlemen, we've only been on the air 10 minutes, and already this is the GREATEST Raw in the history of the World Wrestling Federation! I can't believe the action we've seen!
*Rob Van Dam's music hits and the crowd goes insane*
*He struts down to the ring, pointing at himself, the crowd chants "R-V-D" and he bows*
JR - Rob Van Dam - very hard to figure out, you never know where he's gonna hit you next!
King - Man, I bet that guy gets all the chicks...
*William Regal's music starts and he gets booed*
*Regal comes down, waving to the crowd and smiling*
*The match starts*
*RVD takes it to Regal, but after only a few seconds, Regal pulls out the brass knucks just as RVD has jumped onto the top turnbuckle*
JR - Oh no! Damn that referee, he should've checked that evil Englishman Regal for those knuckles!
King - What knuckles?
JR - You can see as well as I can!
King - Not when there are puppies in the arena! Woo hoo! If I was wearing glasses they'd steam up! Hey look, I'm steaming up YOUR glasses! Hoo hoo!
JR - Would you stop it? Regal is about to cheat for another win! Just like he did with Edge!
King - You mean Mr "for some reason we're pushing him even though he's not particularly good"?
JR - (whispers) Dammit Jerry, we've had this discussion before! Edge is very worthy of his worthless push!
King - OK... Anyway, Regal isn't cheating... He's using the power of the punch! That left hook has a lot of power behind it! It's a European thing, don't try to understand!
*As RVD jumps from the top turnbuckle after posing, Regal attempts to get the brass knuckles up, but RVD hits him first. The ref looks dumb founded*
*A certain chant comes up from the crowd... you know what it is ;) *
*RVD looks puzzled for a second, then pulls the knuckles off Regal's hand*
JR - Oh no! He messed up like Edge did last week- I mean, um... er... oooh.... LOOK AT THE CARNAGE!
King - *sighs*
*JR scrambles with his notes for ages*
*Meanwhile, once that chant has died down, RVD picks up Regal and hits him with the knuckles. The ref calls for the bell*
King - Well at least they changed the ending...
JR - Well that's a shame! I don't think RVD has to cheat to beat Regal! He has his number
*Edge comes running in through the crowd, and spears Regal*
King - Wow, this feud is still going? I thought they finished it ages ago...
JR - Oh my God! What a spear by Edge! Look, he's busted Regal's nose open again!
King - Oh no...! Oh yes! Look at that girl in the pink top! Wooo!
JR - Once again I'd like to remind our viewers that THIS IS THE GREATEST RAW OF ALL TIME!
King - And I'd like to remind them to visit KingLawler.com - naked pictures of my new wife! Ha ha! Hoo! Puppies, JR! Puppies!
JR - Yes, King... puppies.... Anyway, I think-
*JR is cut off as the titon-tron comes on and Austin is shown backstage with Debra*
Austin - You know what this watch is telling me?
Crowd - What?
Austin - It's telling me I should be the Undisputed Champion, Debra!
Crowd - What?
Debra - Shteve, Shteve... you know you're right, and as Mrs Rattlesnake, Shteve, I'm gonna bake you some cookies!
Austin - Um, yah... Anyway, tonight in this tag team match, I'm gonna win! Who's my partner?
Crowd - What?
Debra - Well, Shteve, since they have like 3 or 4 main event faces... I dunno, it'll either be HHH or the Rock
Austin - What?
Debra - HHH or the Rock
Austin - What?
Debra - Shteve, stop that!
Austin - What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
*Back to JR and King*
King - So has anyone decided who Austin's partner is tonight?
JR - I think they're just drawing names from a hat like they usually... I mean, um...
*Titontron shows Booker T, staring at his glove*
Booker - 5 time... 5 time... 5 time...
*The Coach comes up with a mic*
Coach - Booker T, Booker T. Can I have your views on not being included in tonight's main event?
*Booker T comes out of his trance*
Booker - What?
Coach - I've just been talking to Ric Flair and you're not in the main event tonight...
Booker - You didn't say that... Tell me... you didn't just say that...
Coach - Sorry, but the match has been finalised as being HHH and Rock vs Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho
Booker - Who?
Coach - HHH and the Rock vs Angle and Jericho-
*Booker T stares at his hand*
Booker - 5 time... 5 time... 5 time... Sucka!
*Back to JR and Lawler*
King - Wow, I guess it's HHH and Rocky vs Kurt and Y2J! Whoopee!
JR - There you have it ladies and gentlemen. But up now, because we couldn't fit them in on tonight's show... Um, I mean, anyway... We have Tazz and Spike at WWF New York. Tazz, Spike, can you hear me?
*Tazz and Spike are shown in WWF New York, looking completely bored. Spike is staring at his WWF tag team title*
Spike - WWF tag team champion and they still have me on HeAT... then they stick me here!
Tazz - Tell me about it! I've been in two years now! Two years! And they still have me jobbing...
JR - Um, fellas, you're on live...
Tazz + Spike - Oh shi---
JR - Ahem!
Spike - Hi JR! Can I just say how absolutely delighted I, we, are to be here tonight... in New York city!
*Waits for the pop from the crowd behind him, but they're too drunk*
Tazz - Yeah, um, yeah, we decided that we'd take the night off and have a few relaxing drinks
*Camera shows the table they're sitting at, completely covered with empties. Even the floor is covered with beer bottles*
Spike - Yeah, we're drinking to drown our sorrows... I mean, our... happiness, that we defeated the Dudleyz at the Rumble!
JR - Thanks for your time guys
Spike - No problem
*Tazz gets up*
Tazz - I can't believe I left ECW for this!
*Tazz storms off*
Spike - (nervously) Heh heh... Um, good one Tazz... He's just kidding, folks!
*Back to JR and King*
JR - OK, now we're scheduled to have a European title match with DDP vs Christian! What do you think about this match, King?
King - Match? Come on, you don't want to know my opinion on the match... You want my opinion on puppies! It's OK, you can be honest with me!
JR - Anyway, now we have-
*DDP's music hits, he comes down and gets cheered as he does the diamond cutter sign*
*Christian's music hits and he comes down, is about to give his glasses to a little kid, then changes his mind. The little kid pretends to cry*
JR - Oh my! That poor plant... I mean kid! Christian is despicable! Evil! Satanic! Fiendish!
King - OK, OK, we get the idea... You don't like him! Aw, the little plant... *ahem* kid... is crying! That'll teach him to be a shill! Ha ha!
*DDP and Christian start things off*
JR - Christian going for the impaler... I mean unprettier... Oh wait, it IS the impaler...
King - You're looking at your notes from '99, JR!
JR - Oh, sorry. Anyway, Edge is really taking it to DDP!
King - His name is Christian, JR
JR - No, that's DDP! Anyway, Edge has DDP in a situation here!
King - Edge is the tall one, Christian is the other, they broke up, remember?
JR - Are you sure?
King - Just call the match... call that one Christian and that one DDP
JR - OK, so Matt Hardy is going for the-
King - Dammit Ross! At least PRETEND you know what you're doing!
JR - Man, DDP has really come far since his blown entrance into the WWF! I mean I've seen some bad angles, but that one took the... Yes folks, DDP vs Christian! Oh... look at that! He... punched him... I'll just shut up now
*Ratings go up*
*Christian distracts the ref, then hits DDP with a steel chair and goes for the cover, putting his feet on the ropes*
JR - Oh no! Oh no! Christian is going to steal this one!
*DDP kicks out*
JR - OH MY GOD! DDP is in HUMAN! No-one kicks out of the steel chair and feet on the ropes!
*DDP gets the diamond cutter*
JR - Oh my God! Diamond cutter! This one is over!
*DDP gets the three count*
DDP - And that's a good thing!
*DDP smiles*
JR - OK, ladies and gentlemen, I believe we are going to Ric Flair's office where he has an announcement
*Titontron shows Ric Flair and Michael Cole*
MC - So, Mr Flair, I believe you have something to tell the crowd?
Flair - Awesome! Awesome! Just awesome! Yes... Wooooooooo! Because we pushed too many people to main event status and because we have a champion no-one cares about, tonight we will have something completely different! That's right, instead of a tag match, we're having... a 6 man tag match! Woooooooooooo! It's gonna be Triple H! Austin! And the Rock! Against Booker T, Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho! Wooooooooooo!
Crowd - Wooooooo!
*It takes a while for the titontron to go off, and Michael Cole thinks he can't be seen. He looks at his watch, yawns and stares at the floor*
*Back to JR and King*
JR - Wow, a 6 man tag match!
King - It's about time we had something new! Puppies!
JR - What?
King - Look, it's Trish!
*Trish is shown on the titontron*
Trish - Ooooh, look at my Women's title... He he!
*Jazz runs up and smashes her with a steel chair*
JR - Oh my God! Another attack by Jazz! When will these end?
King - When the writers come up with some new ideas, perhaps?
*HHH's music hits, he comes down. Then Rocky, then Austin*
JR - A lot of bad blood between these three men...
King - Yeah, and somehow they've all managed to forget that they hate each other
*Booker T comes down, then Y2J, then Angle. The crowd chants "You Suck - What?" in time to his music. He starts to cry*
JR - Austin is starting off with Booker T, they have quite a history together... even though the writers killed the feud by bringing in the Bossman...
*Austin beats on Booker, who jobs and sells*
JR - Whip into the corner! My God! Austin is stomping a mudhole!
Crowd - What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
*Austin stops and puts his wrist to his ear, even though he's not wearing a watch. Then he stomps on Booker a few more times*
Crowd - What? What? What?
JR - Oh no! Low blow by Booker T! And he tags in Angle...
*Angle beats on Austin. An "Angle Sucks" chant starts. Angle stops to shout at the audience. Tears appear in his eyes*
JR - What a baby! What a coward!
King - JR, this is the man who just a few months ago you were calling an American hero
JR - Yeah because he was a face back then... I mean, he's changed since then...
*Angle tags in Y2J*
JR - Here is the cocky, arrogant champion. Living legend my a**!
King - Hey, show some respect! Y2J is the greatest champion in the WWF's history!
JR - Shush! We're supposed to call it WWFE now, we don't want to get sued by the World Wildlife Fund!
King - Oh, yeah, right. Sorry!
*Suddenly, Austin comes out of nowhere with a stunner*
JR - Stunner! Stunner! Stunner! OH MY GOD! STUNNER! STUNNER!
King - OK - calm down, Ross, they can see what's happening you know!
*Austin manages to tag in the Rock. The crowd goes wild*
JR - Oh my GOD! The Rock is delivering those DEVASTATING right hands to Chris Jericho!
*The Rock spits, but misses his hand. He slaps Jericho who goes flying across the ring*
JR - In comes Booker T!
*Booker T runs straight into the Rock's spinebuster*
King - Here it comes! The most electrifying move in sports entertainment today! The PEOPLE'S ELBOW! WOO!
*The Rock hits the elbow on Booker, when he gets back up Angle runs in and pushes him down*
*Meanwhile, Austin is on the floor with Jericho, smashing him into the announcer table*
JR - Finally the referee has managed to restore some order!
*Austin rolls Y2J back in. Both he and the Rock are lying in the middle of the ring. Slowly, they begin to stir, and drag themselves to their corners*
Crowd - Rocky! What? Rocky! What? Rocky! What?
*Rock gets the tag to HHH just before Y2J tags in Angle. Both men run into the ring*
*HHH knocks down Angle, then Y2J who somehow managed to get back up after being apparently crippled just 10 seconds earlier. Booker T runs into a clothesline too*
JR - Look at the carnage! Look at the bodies! Bodies! Bodies! Bodies!
*Now all 6 men are in the ring, slugging it out*
JR - This is out of control!
*HHH gets the pedigree on Angle*
JR - PEDIGREE! PEDIGREE! PEDIGREE!
*Austin gets the stunner on Booker T*
JR - STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER!
*Rocky gets the Rock bottom on Jericho*
JR - ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK B-
King - Jim? Oh God! He's having a heart attack! Oh no!
JR - (croaky and quiet) Look... at... the carnage... (gasps)
King - Quick, get him his medication!
*The match continues*
*Booker T gets the side-kick and goes for the spineroonie!
King - The most electrifying move in sports entertainment! Spineroonie! Wow! That was a colossus sized spineroonie! Ha!
*JR comes to*
JR - Um, where was I? Oh yes... ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM!
King - Easy, JR!
*Booker T and Angle are knocked out of the ring, HHH and Austin go after them*
*Rocky gets the Rock bottom on Y2J*
JR - Pedigree! Oh, wait... STUNNER! Oh, no, hang on... ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM!
*JR gets into a continuous loop*
JR - ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM!
King - Oh God... get him his OTHER medication!
*Rock goes for the cover*
Crowd - One! Two! THREE!
*Y2J rolls out of the ring and HHH and Austin get back in*
JR - I think Stone Cold is gonna have a few Bud- I mean Steveweisers to celebrate!
*Austin gets some beers thrown in, he passes some to Rocky and HHH. They all break them open and get onto a turnbuckle each*
JR - These three are the greatest men in the history of the world! Nothing can stop them! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
King - OK, I'm out of here! Get me a taxi, some female fans and a hotel room! Woo hoo!
*The titontron comes on, there is an old man, holding a walking stick*
JR - It's Hogan! Hogan! Hogan! By God, look at the carnage!
Hogan - I thought I'd come out of retirement to *coughs* annoy all you wrestling fans with my limited wrestling ability and-
*Hogan keels over*
JR - Heart attack! Heart attack! Heart attack! My GOD! But you can bet your a** he'll be on SmackDown!
King - Wow, Hogan is back? I thought his funeral was last week! Ha! This was a great RAW, JR! We've seen lots of puppies and two heart attacks! Must be all the excitement!
JR - Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Sorry we didn't have more matches, but we wasted so much time with the backstage stuff that we ran out of ti-
*Raw goes off the air*
Expect a SmackDown spoof soon (well, a few weeks, heh)
So here it is, a little later than planned because I wanted to find out what the NWO did when they came back
This is a made up event by the way, it won't spoil this weeks RAW for you
*RAW goes on the air*
*The camera shows some signs*
"What? 3:16!"
"Y2-Jackass"
"Olympic Cry Baby!"
"Dead Man Walking? Old Man Sucking more like!"
"Argh! I'm surrounded by marks!"
"Billy and Chucky got married last week"
"Someone stole my sign"
"Do not read this sign"
"Sign for sale"
"I stole these tickets"
"NW-Oh God! Not again!"
"Trish, you left your toothbrush at mine last night!"
"Dyslexia - 6:13"
"I've been be-smirched!"
"Tajiri is paying Torrie Wilson!"
"Austin stole my beer!"
"Undisputed A** Clown!"
"RVD - I'm stoned too!"
"The Rock's Strudel Is Mouldy!"
"Game Over? It should be!"
"Val Venis Is My Dad!"
"Where's HBK?"
JR - Hello everyone and welcome to RAW! We have a great show for you tonight! Isn't that right, King?
King - What was that? Oh, yeah, sure... whatever
JR - Tonight, because we have too many main event stars, we have ANOTHER tag match involving our champion Y2J!
King - Oh boy!
JR - Exciting, isn't it?
King - What? No, I was looking at that girl in the first row! Woo hoo!
JR - OK ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have our first match!
*Billy and Chucky appear, prancing around. They run to the ring holding hands and hug. Billy gives Chuck a kiss for good luck*
Billy - Now, when we were in the shower together before, I noticed Chuck has the cutest little birthmark...
Chuck - Dude, seriously, they don't need to know that... because YOU have the cutest little dimples when you smile!
JR - Wow, these two guys sure have picked up since teaming together. Even though they only started tagging a few weeks back, and even though they have the talent of a talentless beaver, I believe they are our next tag team champions!
*Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert appear. Albert looks ridiculous in bright green pants and a do-rag. He tries to do the splits but falls over. Scotty runs down and into the ring*
JR - Wow, these two guys sure have picked up since teaming together. Even though they only started tagging a few weeks back, and even though they have the talent of a talentless cow, I believe they are our next tag team champions!
King - Um...
JR - This is gonna be a REAL slobber knocker!
*Albert is on the ring apron, Scotty starts against Billy*
JR - Both these teams are amazing, they're really going places in the WWF. Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert are our next tag team champions in my opinion!
*Billy lumbers about the ring, Scotty 2 Hotty tries to carry him to a half decent match, but fails. After Billy "Botch It" Gunn drops Scotty on his head after a messed up backdrop, he tags in Chucky with a slap on the wrist. Chucky swallows his pride and gets in the ring*
JR - Wow, this action is hot! Billy and Chucky are the next tag team champions in my opinion!
King - Ha, look at the hip hop hippo! What an idiot! Is he having a spasm?
JR - No, I think he's trying to dance...
*After surviving a near concussion, Scotty tags in Albert who screams a lot and beats on Chucky. Billy gets some cheap shots in on him, Albert doesn't sell and instead knocks Billy off the apron*
*Scotty is bouncing on the ropes, getting higher and higher. He slips and falls off, a chant rings through the arena and Scotty tries his best not to look hurt after smashing his chin on the ring apron*
JR - Um... He, was, erm, trying... to... get Billy with a move but missed it!
King - Come on JR, they're not THAT stupid!
*Billy is tagged in against Scotty. Scotty with the bulldog! Worm! W-O-R-M!*
King - Here it is, JR! The worm! Wooooo!
*Scotty nails the worm on Billy. Cover. 1! 2! Chuck breaks up the three count*
JR - Oh my! This one should be over! No-one kicks out of the worm, it's the most devastating move in sports entertainment today!
*Albert gets the Baldo bomb on Chucky, and then the scissors kick on Billy. Scotty covers him. 1! 2! 3!*
JR - They've done it! They've overcome the odds and defeated the best team in wrestling history!
*After the winners leave, Billy and Chucky get up, hug and walk up the ramp holding hands*
JR - Wow, that was easily one of the best matches I have ever seen in all my years of wrestling, now ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to remind you of our next Pay Per View-
*JR is cut off as No Chance plays and Vince swaggers down to the ring. He grabs a mic from Lillian Garcia who does her best to act scared*
JR - Oh great, now we have to listen to this guy waffle on for the next 10 minutes!
King - Ross, that's bad for ratings!
JR - Oh, yeah... Um... Oh my God! What is this evil genius going to say! I'm sure whatever it is, it will have you glued to your seat!
King - Yeah, otherwise they'd leave! Ha!
Vince - Ha ha ha! I am evil! I am despicable! I make fun of you poor working slobs and attack your favourite wrestlers! Ha ha! Bow before me!
*Crowd boos*
*Suddenly, music from Wrestlemania 1 plays*
JR - Oh my God! It's Linda! Linda! Linda!
*Vince's wife comes down, doing her best to look angry at Vince*
*She gets into the ring and takes a mic*
Linda - Vince. I. Think. That. You. Are. An. Evil. Man.
Vince - What do you mean... honey?
Linda - I. Mean. You... Are. An. Evil. Man.
*Linda can be heard whispering to Vince*
Linda - Vince, I've forgotten my line!
Vince - Don't worry darling, just cut to the finish so we can go off for some you know what
Linda - OK my little billionaire.
*Linda holds the mic back up, stares Vince straight in the eye*
Linda - I. WAAAANT. Aaaah. Deeeevorrrrce!
JR - Divorce! Divorce! Divorce! Look at the carnage!
Vince - But, Linda! What have I done this time?
Linda - You. Cheated. On. Me. You. Had. Me. On. Medi-caaaaaaation.
Vince - I can change!
Linda - Sorry... Vince... I. Just. Don't. Love... you... any. More
*Linda leaves, Vince cries and runs after her*
Vince - But I was gonna share the NWO with you, I swear!
JR - Oh my God, nobody saw that coming!
King - Yeah, the scriptwriters are really messin' us around- They're getting divorced AGAIN? Hey, that guy in the 3rd row owes me money! But wow, look at the girl he's with...
JR - Well, ladies and gentlemen, we've only been on the air 10 minutes, and already this is the GREATEST Raw in the history of the World Wrestling Federation! I can't believe the action we've seen!
*Rob Van Dam's music hits and the crowd goes insane*
*He struts down to the ring, pointing at himself, the crowd chants "R-V-D" and he bows*
JR - Rob Van Dam - very hard to figure out, you never know where he's gonna hit you next!
King - Man, I bet that guy gets all the chicks...
*William Regal's music starts and he gets booed*
*Regal comes down, waving to the crowd and smiling*
*The match starts*
*RVD takes it to Regal, but after only a few seconds, Regal pulls out the brass knucks just as RVD has jumped onto the top turnbuckle*
JR - Oh no! Damn that referee, he should've checked that evil Englishman Regal for those knuckles!
King - What knuckles?
JR - You can see as well as I can!
King - Not when there are puppies in the arena! Woo hoo! If I was wearing glasses they'd steam up! Hey look, I'm steaming up YOUR glasses! Hoo hoo!
JR - Would you stop it? Regal is about to cheat for another win! Just like he did with Edge!
King - You mean Mr "for some reason we're pushing him even though he's not particularly good"?
JR - (whispers) Dammit Jerry, we've had this discussion before! Edge is very worthy of his worthless push!
King - OK... Anyway, Regal isn't cheating... He's using the power of the punch! That left hook has a lot of power behind it! It's a European thing, don't try to understand!
*As RVD jumps from the top turnbuckle after posing, Regal attempts to get the brass knuckles up, but RVD hits him first. The ref looks dumb founded*
*A certain chant comes up from the crowd... you know what it is ;) *
*RVD looks puzzled for a second, then pulls the knuckles off Regal's hand*
JR - Oh no! He messed up like Edge did last week- I mean, um... er... oooh.... LOOK AT THE CARNAGE!
King - *sighs*
*JR scrambles with his notes for ages*
*Meanwhile, once that chant has died down, RVD picks up Regal and hits him with the knuckles. The ref calls for the bell*
King - Well at least they changed the ending...
JR - Well that's a shame! I don't think RVD has to cheat to beat Regal! He has his number
*Edge comes running in through the crowd, and spears Regal*
King - Wow, this feud is still going? I thought they finished it ages ago...
JR - Oh my God! What a spear by Edge! Look, he's busted Regal's nose open again!
King - Oh no...! Oh yes! Look at that girl in the pink top! Wooo!
JR - Once again I'd like to remind our viewers that THIS IS THE GREATEST RAW OF ALL TIME!
King - And I'd like to remind them to visit KingLawler.com - naked pictures of my new wife! Ha ha! Hoo! Puppies, JR! Puppies!
JR - Yes, King... puppies.... Anyway, I think-
*JR is cut off as the titon-tron comes on and Austin is shown backstage with Debra*
Austin - You know what this watch is telling me?
Crowd - What?
Austin - It's telling me I should be the Undisputed Champion, Debra!
Crowd - What?
Debra - Shteve, Shteve... you know you're right, and as Mrs Rattlesnake, Shteve, I'm gonna bake you some cookies!
Austin - Um, yah... Anyway, tonight in this tag team match, I'm gonna win! Who's my partner?
Crowd - What?
Debra - Well, Shteve, since they have like 3 or 4 main event faces... I dunno, it'll either be HHH or the Rock
Austin - What?
Debra - HHH or the Rock
Austin - What?
Debra - Shteve, stop that!
Austin - What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
*Back to JR and King*
King - So has anyone decided who Austin's partner is tonight?
JR - I think they're just drawing names from a hat like they usually... I mean, um...
*Titontron shows Booker T, staring at his glove*
Booker - 5 time... 5 time... 5 time...
*The Coach comes up with a mic*
Coach - Booker T, Booker T. Can I have your views on not being included in tonight's main event?
*Booker T comes out of his trance*
Booker - What?
Coach - I've just been talking to Ric Flair and you're not in the main event tonight...
Booker - You didn't say that... Tell me... you didn't just say that...
Coach - Sorry, but the match has been finalised as being HHH and Rock vs Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho
Booker - Who?
Coach - HHH and the Rock vs Angle and Jericho-
*Booker T stares at his hand*
Booker - 5 time... 5 time... 5 time... Sucka!
*Back to JR and Lawler*
King - Wow, I guess it's HHH and Rocky vs Kurt and Y2J! Whoopee!
JR - There you have it ladies and gentlemen. But up now, because we couldn't fit them in on tonight's show... Um, I mean, anyway... We have Tazz and Spike at WWF New York. Tazz, Spike, can you hear me?
*Tazz and Spike are shown in WWF New York, looking completely bored. Spike is staring at his WWF tag team title*
Spike - WWF tag team champion and they still have me on HeAT... then they stick me here!
Tazz - Tell me about it! I've been in two years now! Two years! And they still have me jobbing...
JR - Um, fellas, you're on live...
Tazz + Spike - Oh shi---
JR - Ahem!
Spike - Hi JR! Can I just say how absolutely delighted I, we, are to be here tonight... in New York city!
*Waits for the pop from the crowd behind him, but they're too drunk*
Tazz - Yeah, um, yeah, we decided that we'd take the night off and have a few relaxing drinks
*Camera shows the table they're sitting at, completely covered with empties. Even the floor is covered with beer bottles*
Spike - Yeah, we're drinking to drown our sorrows... I mean, our... happiness, that we defeated the Dudleyz at the Rumble!
JR - Thanks for your time guys
Spike - No problem
*Tazz gets up*
Tazz - I can't believe I left ECW for this!
*Tazz storms off*
Spike - (nervously) Heh heh... Um, good one Tazz... He's just kidding, folks!
*Back to JR and King*
JR - OK, now we're scheduled to have a European title match with DDP vs Christian! What do you think about this match, King?
King - Match? Come on, you don't want to know my opinion on the match... You want my opinion on puppies! It's OK, you can be honest with me!
JR - Anyway, now we have-
*DDP's music hits, he comes down and gets cheered as he does the diamond cutter sign*
*Christian's music hits and he comes down, is about to give his glasses to a little kid, then changes his mind. The little kid pretends to cry*
JR - Oh my! That poor plant... I mean kid! Christian is despicable! Evil! Satanic! Fiendish!
King - OK, OK, we get the idea... You don't like him! Aw, the little plant... *ahem* kid... is crying! That'll teach him to be a shill! Ha ha!
*DDP and Christian start things off*
JR - Christian going for the impaler... I mean unprettier... Oh wait, it IS the impaler...
King - You're looking at your notes from '99, JR!
JR - Oh, sorry. Anyway, Edge is really taking it to DDP!
King - His name is Christian, JR
JR - No, that's DDP! Anyway, Edge has DDP in a situation here!
King - Edge is the tall one, Christian is the other, they broke up, remember?
JR - Are you sure?
King - Just call the match... call that one Christian and that one DDP
JR - OK, so Matt Hardy is going for the-
King - Dammit Ross! At least PRETEND you know what you're doing!
JR - Man, DDP has really come far since his blown entrance into the WWF! I mean I've seen some bad angles, but that one took the... Yes folks, DDP vs Christian! Oh... look at that! He... punched him... I'll just shut up now
*Ratings go up*
*Christian distracts the ref, then hits DDP with a steel chair and goes for the cover, putting his feet on the ropes*
JR - Oh no! Oh no! Christian is going to steal this one!
*DDP kicks out*
JR - OH MY GOD! DDP is in HUMAN! No-one kicks out of the steel chair and feet on the ropes!
*DDP gets the diamond cutter*
JR - Oh my God! Diamond cutter! This one is over!
*DDP gets the three count*
DDP - And that's a good thing!
*DDP smiles*
JR - OK, ladies and gentlemen, I believe we are going to Ric Flair's office where he has an announcement
*Titontron shows Ric Flair and Michael Cole*
MC - So, Mr Flair, I believe you have something to tell the crowd?
Flair - Awesome! Awesome! Just awesome! Yes... Wooooooooo! Because we pushed too many people to main event status and because we have a champion no-one cares about, tonight we will have something completely different! That's right, instead of a tag match, we're having... a 6 man tag match! Woooooooooooo! It's gonna be Triple H! Austin! And the Rock! Against Booker T, Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho! Wooooooooooo!
Crowd - Wooooooo!
*It takes a while for the titontron to go off, and Michael Cole thinks he can't be seen. He looks at his watch, yawns and stares at the floor*
*Back to JR and King*
JR - Wow, a 6 man tag match!
King - It's about time we had something new! Puppies!
JR - What?
King - Look, it's Trish!
*Trish is shown on the titontron*
Trish - Ooooh, look at my Women's title... He he!
*Jazz runs up and smashes her with a steel chair*
JR - Oh my God! Another attack by Jazz! When will these end?
King - When the writers come up with some new ideas, perhaps?
*HHH's music hits, he comes down. Then Rocky, then Austin*
JR - A lot of bad blood between these three men...
King - Yeah, and somehow they've all managed to forget that they hate each other
*Booker T comes down, then Y2J, then Angle. The crowd chants "You Suck - What?" in time to his music. He starts to cry*
JR - Austin is starting off with Booker T, they have quite a history together... even though the writers killed the feud by bringing in the Bossman...
*Austin beats on Booker, who jobs and sells*
JR - Whip into the corner! My God! Austin is stomping a mudhole!
Crowd - What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
*Austin stops and puts his wrist to his ear, even though he's not wearing a watch. Then he stomps on Booker a few more times*
Crowd - What? What? What?
JR - Oh no! Low blow by Booker T! And he tags in Angle...
*Angle beats on Austin. An "Angle Sucks" chant starts. Angle stops to shout at the audience. Tears appear in his eyes*
JR - What a baby! What a coward!
King - JR, this is the man who just a few months ago you were calling an American hero
JR - Yeah because he was a face back then... I mean, he's changed since then...
*Angle tags in Y2J*
JR - Here is the cocky, arrogant champion. Living legend my a**!
King - Hey, show some respect! Y2J is the greatest champion in the WWF's history!
JR - Shush! We're supposed to call it WWFE now, we don't want to get sued by the World Wildlife Fund!
King - Oh, yeah, right. Sorry!
*Suddenly, Austin comes out of nowhere with a stunner*
JR - Stunner! Stunner! Stunner! OH MY GOD! STUNNER! STUNNER!
King - OK - calm down, Ross, they can see what's happening you know!
*Austin manages to tag in the Rock. The crowd goes wild*
JR - Oh my GOD! The Rock is delivering those DEVASTATING right hands to Chris Jericho!
*The Rock spits, but misses his hand. He slaps Jericho who goes flying across the ring*
JR - In comes Booker T!
*Booker T runs straight into the Rock's spinebuster*
King - Here it comes! The most electrifying move in sports entertainment today! The PEOPLE'S ELBOW! WOO!
*The Rock hits the elbow on Booker, when he gets back up Angle runs in and pushes him down*
*Meanwhile, Austin is on the floor with Jericho, smashing him into the announcer table*
JR - Finally the referee has managed to restore some order!
*Austin rolls Y2J back in. Both he and the Rock are lying in the middle of the ring. Slowly, they begin to stir, and drag themselves to their corners*
Crowd - Rocky! What? Rocky! What? Rocky! What?
*Rock gets the tag to HHH just before Y2J tags in Angle. Both men run into the ring*
*HHH knocks down Angle, then Y2J who somehow managed to get back up after being apparently crippled just 10 seconds earlier. Booker T runs into a clothesline too*
JR - Look at the carnage! Look at the bodies! Bodies! Bodies! Bodies!
*Now all 6 men are in the ring, slugging it out*
JR - This is out of control!
*HHH gets the pedigree on Angle*
JR - PEDIGREE! PEDIGREE! PEDIGREE!
*Austin gets the stunner on Booker T*
JR - STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER!
*Rocky gets the Rock bottom on Jericho*
JR - ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK B-
King - Jim? Oh God! He's having a heart attack! Oh no!
JR - (croaky and quiet) Look... at... the carnage... (gasps)
King - Quick, get him his medication!
*The match continues*
*Booker T gets the side-kick and goes for the spineroonie!
King - The most electrifying move in sports entertainment! Spineroonie! Wow! That was a colossus sized spineroonie! Ha!
*JR comes to*
JR - Um, where was I? Oh yes... ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM!
King - Easy, JR!
*Booker T and Angle are knocked out of the ring, HHH and Austin go after them*
*Rocky gets the Rock bottom on Y2J*
JR - Pedigree! Oh, wait... STUNNER! Oh, no, hang on... ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM!
*JR gets into a continuous loop*
JR - ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM!
King - Oh God... get him his OTHER medication!
*Rock goes for the cover*
Crowd - One! Two! THREE!
*Y2J rolls out of the ring and HHH and Austin get back in*
JR - I think Stone Cold is gonna have a few Bud- I mean Steveweisers to celebrate!
*Austin gets some beers thrown in, he passes some to Rocky and HHH. They all break them open and get onto a turnbuckle each*
JR - These three are the greatest men in the history of the world! Nothing can stop them! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
King - OK, I'm out of here! Get me a taxi, some female fans and a hotel room! Woo hoo!
*The titontron comes on, there is an old man, holding a walking stick*
JR - It's Hogan! Hogan! Hogan! By God, look at the carnage!
Hogan - I thought I'd come out of retirement to *coughs* annoy all you wrestling fans with my limited wrestling ability and-
*Hogan keels over*
JR - Heart attack! Heart attack! Heart attack! My GOD! But you can bet your a** he'll be on SmackDown!
King - Wow, Hogan is back? I thought his funeral was last week! Ha! This was a great RAW, JR! We've seen lots of puppies and two heart attacks! Must be all the excitement!
JR - Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Sorry we didn't have more matches, but we wasted so much time with the backstage stuff that we ran out of ti-
*Raw goes off the air*
Expect a SmackDown spoof soon (well, a few weeks, heh)
Page:
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> AfroJoe wrote:
> MoJoJoJo wrote:
> Yeah, let's storm them!
I'm
> guessing I may have had a
> better chance of
> winning if some of the
> staff liked the WWF
That makes
> me a sad panda :(
-------
Only 3
> things related to the WWF have EVER won
> GAD.
Mouldy Cheese's Royal
> Rumlbe 2000 review,
Cong Man's Wrestlemania 100
> post and
Grandprix's
> Hardcore Forum Match. (That one was a surprise to us all)
Well my SmackDown
> spoof will change all that!
I hope
Anyhoo, after today's SmackDown, I'll
> be starting work on it, I already have a few ideas planned, it should be
> good
And I'm glad the RAW spoof made so many of you laugh :)
-------
The SmackDown spoof should be a good one. Can't wait! :-)
> AfroJoe wrote:
> MoJoJoJo wrote:
> Yeah, let's storm them!
I'm
> guessing I may have had a
> better chance of
> winning if some of the
> staff liked the WWF
That makes
> me a sad panda :(
-------
Only 3
> things related to the WWF have EVER won
> GAD.
Mouldy Cheese's Royal
> Rumlbe 2000 review,
Cong Man's Wrestlemania 100
> post and
Grandprix's
> Hardcore Forum Match. (That one was a surprise to us all)
Well my SmackDown
> spoof will change all that!
I hope
Anyhoo, after today's SmackDown, I'll
> be starting work on it, I already have a few ideas planned, it should be
> good
And I'm glad the RAW spoof made so many of you laugh :)
-------
The SmackDown spoof should be a good one. Can't wait! :-)
AfroJoe wrote:
> MoJoJoJo wrote:
> Yeah, let's storm them!
I'm guessing I may have had a
> better chance of
> winning if some of the staff liked the WWF
That makes
> me a sad panda :(
-------
Only 3 things related to the WWF have EVER won
> GAD.
Mouldy Cheese's Royal Rumlbe 2000 review,
Cong Man's Wrestlemania 100
> post and
Grandprix's Hardcore Forum Match. (That one was a surprise to us all)
Well my SmackDown spoof will change all that!
I hope
Anyhoo, after today's SmackDown, I'll be starting work on it, I already have a few ideas planned, it should be good
And I'm glad the RAW spoof made so many of you laugh :)
> MoJoJoJo wrote:
> Yeah, let's storm them!
I'm guessing I may have had a
> better chance of
> winning if some of the staff liked the WWF
That makes
> me a sad panda :(
-------
Only 3 things related to the WWF have EVER won
> GAD.
Mouldy Cheese's Royal Rumlbe 2000 review,
Cong Man's Wrestlemania 100
> post and
Grandprix's Hardcore Forum Match. (That one was a surprise to us all)
Well my SmackDown spoof will change all that!
I hope
Anyhoo, after today's SmackDown, I'll be starting work on it, I already have a few ideas planned, it should be good
And I'm glad the RAW spoof made so many of you laugh :)
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> Yeah, let's storm them!
I'm guessing I may have had a better chance of
> winning if some of the staff liked the WWF
That makes me a sad panda :(
-------
Only 3 things related to the WWF have EVER won GAD.
Mouldy Cheese's Royal Rumlbe 2000 review,
Cong Man's Wrestlemania 100 post and
Grandprix's Hardcore Forum Match. (That one was a surprise to us all)
> Yeah, let's storm them!
I'm guessing I may have had a better chance of
> winning if some of the staff liked the WWF
That makes me a sad panda :(
-------
Only 3 things related to the WWF have EVER won GAD.
Mouldy Cheese's Royal Rumlbe 2000 review,
Cong Man's Wrestlemania 100 post and
Grandprix's Hardcore Forum Match. (That one was a surprise to us all)
Very very funny. Only 2 heart attacks, I'm sure I had at least five trying to stop anyone seeing me laughing at the computer screen. (The six man tag match was a shock)
Yeah, let's storm them!
I'm guessing I may have had a better chance of winning if some of the staff liked the WWF
That makes me a sad panda :(
I'm guessing I may have had a better chance of winning if some of the staff liked the WWF
That makes me a sad panda :(
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> Ant wrote:
> LOL!!! Great post, loved it. :D
Apart from Scotty
> being
> talentless...grrrrr... ;)
Ha ha :-D
I have to agree with the laughing bit of that. :D
And unlucky for not winning, who says we all invade the SR Staff room and demand them to change the winner? :-)
> Ant wrote:
> LOL!!! Great post, loved it. :D
Apart from Scotty
> being
> talentless...grrrrr... ;)
Ha ha :-D
I have to agree with the laughing bit of that. :D
And unlucky for not winning, who says we all invade the SR Staff room and demand them to change the winner? :-)
Ant wrote:
> LOL!!! Great post, loved it. :D
Apart from Scotty being
> talentless...grrrrr... ;)
Ha ha :-D
> LOL!!! Great post, loved it. :D
Apart from Scotty being
> talentless...grrrrr... ;)
Ha ha :-D
LOL!!! Great post, loved it. :D
Apart from Scotty being talentless...grrrrr... ;)
Apart from Scotty being talentless...grrrrr... ;)
Ah well, I didn't win :(
Heh, but expect the SmackDown one to be even better... I hope
Heh, but expect the SmackDown one to be even better... I hope
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> Wow, I didn't expect this!
I'll definatly be doing a SmackDown one now!
You have to! Or i'll kill you...... Anywayz, i might fit you into the story im writing at the mo...
> Wow, I didn't expect this!
I'll definatly be doing a SmackDown one now!
You have to! Or i'll kill you...... Anywayz, i might fit you into the story im writing at the mo...
Page: