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[PROLOGUE]
*Stryke walks out in Superman get-up*
SuperStryke: Hello, ladies and germs, I’m SuperStryke! Deadlier than a mouthful of lava, friendlier than an Andrex puppy, camper than Grix on a day trip to Legoland and as mind-crippling as a string of gerrid’s one line posts. I save the world from all the evil deeds, here in the lush, thriving metropolis that is.. Egham! I’ll be the new king of this city, not that the Government will agree with that, but I’ll use my magic powers to stop them. So, watch out, crooks of Egham! SuperStryke has entered the building. Or the city. Or the town. Or whatever this god forsaken hell hole is.
[SCENE 1]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his flat, watching TV and eating cereal out of the box]
*phone rings*
SuperStryke: Bah, humbug. Who’s calling at this hour?
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: Hello, SuperStryke, defender of Egham and generally cool, handsome and strong guy here, who is it please?
Old lady: Gareth, dear, are you wearing clean underwear?
SuperStryke: Not now Mom, we can worry about underwear later. I have a city to hold down.
*Hangs up phone*
SuperStryke: That was close.. too close. Urgh... I’m getting paranoid. I guess that’s a price you have to pay when operating with some of the hard-nut criminals that live in Egham. I... I need some sleep.
*SuperStryke nearly falls asleep, but is woken by another phone call*
SuperStryke: That’ll be mother making sure I’m not running out of socks that fit me.
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: Mom, I have several pairs of socks, so don’t worry you...
Unknown caller: That’s very touching, SuperStryke. I never knew you considered me your Mother. Anyway, I’ll make it snappy. Me and my companions have heard of your plan to conquer Egham, and we’re not too pleased. We’ll soon be executing a job which we’ve been planning for a while. If you mess it up, we’ll kill you, mark my words. Have a pleasant night’s sleep, SuperStryke.
SuperStryke: Who.. who are you?
Unknown caller: You’ll soon learn more of me if you carry on your little heroic deeds, Mr. Stryke.
*The unknown caller hangs up*
SuperStryke: I wonder what they are planning.. better not worry myself now.
[SCENE 2]
[SuperStryke is walking through town, preserving the safety of the civilians]
[Stryke walks past an old lady being mugged by youths]
SuperStryke: Keep up the good work, lads.
*SuperStryke starts whistling*
Old lady: Help! Help! They’re stealing my stuff
SuperStryke: This looks like a job for.. SuperStryke!
*SuperStryke runs up and punches the old lady, takes her bag and hands it to the youths*
SuperStryke: Here you go kids.
*SuperStryke walks off, whistling*
[SCENE 3]
[SuperStryke is in the police station, talking to an officer]
SuperStryke: No, I can assure you I saw nothing involving an old lady being mugged by some youths, but if I has seen it, I would have certainly done something about it.
Officer: Okay. Sorry for bothering you, Mr. Jen....
SuperStryke: I see someone is forgetting my name.
Officer: Sorry, SuperStryke
SuperStryke: Better. Good day.
[Stryke walks out of the station]
[SuperStryke returns to his apartment]
SuperStryke: I’m tired, better get some sleep.
*Phone rings*
SuperStryke: Does someone in this city have a problem with me getting sleep?
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: ... Hello?
Unknown caller: We shall be hitting one of the few sources of income in Egham tomorrow. Make sure you stay home and put your feet up, eh?
*Unknown caller hangs up*
SuperStryke: So, they plan to hit the Bank, eh? We all know that the only sources of income in Egham are the bank and the shop that sells illegal fireworks to kids.. Spekal Reservation or something. I’ll see to it that nothing happens. Better set my alarm, so I can beat them there.
*Sets alarm, then falls asleep*
[SCENE 4]
[It’s mid-evening, SuperStryke is sat outside the bank, asleep on a bench]
*old man walks up and starts poking SuperStryke*
SuperStryke: ..hu.. wha?
Old man: Beat it, ya bum. Moves youself, this is ol’ Geoff’s spot, ya hears? And ol’ Geoff is me. So move.
SuperStryke: That’s no way to speak to... SuperStryke!
Old man: What’s that you say? Striking whatnow? Ah, move, ya bum.
*SuperStryke obeys, and stands up*
SuperStryke: Hmm.. I guess it’s a little late for a robbery now. Maybe I’ll pop into the Egham Special Reserve. They seem to give employment to a range of criminals and low-life gangsters. I’ll see if I can frame any of them.
[SCENE 5]
[SuperStryke is just about to walk around the corner, to the SR shop]
*SuperStryke turns the corner*
*SR has several of it’s windows smashed in. A car is parked outside, and it speeds off. Smoke is rising from one of the windows, and inside everything has been wrecked.*
*SuperStryke approaches the shop with caution*
SuperStryke: Good God.. what happened here?
*Tony is dead on the floor, Loki is crying over his body, Snuggly is still hiding behind a display and Brad is casually knocking games off the shelves into a black sack*
SuperStryke: Brad, what are you doing?
Brad: Uh, I’m, uh, collecting the games, so we don’t get robbed. Yeah, that’s it.
SuperStryke: O..kay. Snuggly, you can come out now, the bad people have gone. Loki.. he’s dead, okay. Dead as a dodo. Get over it.
*Loki bursts into tears and runs into the girls toilets. He quickly runs out, giggling, and then starts crying again and runs into the men’s toilets.*
SuperStryke: Who attacked you? Unknown caller?
Brad: Uh.. no. It was a bunch of men, all who looked a bit stupid. They had rubbishy superhero costumes on. I think one of them was called PencilMan, or something.
Snuggly: Thin as a post and with a lead point, sharp as a pair of nursery school scissors and as poisonous as a strawberry. There were some other people too.. had weird names. One looked like a female Incredible Hulk, and the other kept on going on about his Tony sense, or something. The Tony guy was a sort of cross between a gorilla and a hillbilly’s Xmas dinner leftovers.
SuperStryke: So, pencil man, Anne Widdicome and someone called Tony?
Brad: Uh, yes, no, yes.
SuperStryke: Okay. I’m on the case.
[SCENE 6]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his apartment]
SuperStryke: Now, If I were either a pencil, Anne Widdicome or Tonyman, where would I hide? I know! Special Reserve!
*SuperStryke walks out*
*SuperStryke walks back in. 23 minutes has passed on the clock*
SuperStryke: Well, looks like I forgot that criminals don’t usually hide at the scene of the crime.. now, where would be the second place I would hide? A mysterious underground hideout in the back room of a nightclub called the Egham eel which I’ve only just thought of because Asher doesn’t want to pro-long the topic? I’m there.
[SCENE 7]
[SuperStryke is outside the Egham eel. He is wearing a hat, a long coat and he is holding a cigar in one hand. He doesn’t smoke it, he just holds it to make himself look hard. He slowly enters the club]
*SuperStryke walks up to the bar*
SuperStryke: Lemonade, with extra ice.
Bar man: £1.25, please.
SuperStryke: Here, keep the change.
Bar man: You didn’t give me any cha..
SuperStryke: Don’t be ungrateful. I’m looking for a dark back-room where some lowlife criminals are hanging around. Can you show me to it?
Bar man: Hey..
*Bar man punches SuperStryke, sending him to the floor. The crowd scream. Bar man runs into a back room.*
*SuperStryke clambers up, and runs into the back room*
[A fire exit is blowing in the wind. There is no sign of the occupants.]
*SuperStryke runs outside and down the alley. He spots a car with people frantically climbing in. He runs up, jumps onto the top, and hangs on for dear life as the car speeds away. The car swerves a lot, trying to shake SuperStryke off. SuperStryke eventually gets thrown off, but knocks a little boy off his tricycle and gives chase. He tries to catch the villains, but the little boy runs and catches up with him. The little boy brushes SuperStryke aside, throwing him to the ground. Little boy rides off*
[SCENE 8]
[SuperStryke is patrolling the streets in another disguise.]
SuperStryke: Hmm.. if my calculations are correct, there should be some tire marks on the road where they shook me off last night.. hmmm... aha! There they are. All I need to do is follow the tracks..oh crap. Who’d have thought the tracks end a metre after they start? Oh well. Better look for more clues.
*The wanted car drives past slowly*
SuperStryke: Hey! That car looks familiar.. stop!
*The window rolls down. A man is looking out, clutching a gun.*
SuperStryke: Hey, your that man who used to work in the pub.. what happened to that place?
Man: Er....
SuperStryke: Hey, wait! I recognise this car...
*Car suddenly speeds off*
*SuperStryke gives chase, and manages to jump onto the car in the nick of time. Making sure not to repeat the same mistake, he jumps through the window*
Man: Get out of my car you freakin’ idiot!!
SuperStryke: What are you trying to do?
Man: I’m trying to kill you!
SuperStryke: Why?
Man: Your in my damn car, you idiot!
SuperStryke: Oh yeah, about that. I’m looking for 3 superhero criminals. Where can I find them?
*Man suddenly ejects from the car, which is heading straight off the edge of a cliff*
SuperStryke: Oh crap! I can’t open the doors! The window!
*SuperStryke frantically opens the window and jumps out in the nick of time*
SuperStryke: Yes! I made it! Oh crap.. I’m rolling off the edge!
*SuperStryke clambers to his feet and jumps to safety in the nick of time. Again.*
[SCENE 9]
[A dimly lit room hidden away at the back of a family restaurant. 3 people are sitting round a table. A man runs in, looking tired and anxious]
Tired & Anxious man: Hey! Hey! You know that saddo in the yellow and pink lycra who’s claiming to be the new hotshot in town - he’s after you.
Thin skinny guy: Thanks for alerting us, Alberto Columbo Josepha Craig Rodriguez the 2nd. This can only mean one thing! It’s time for..
*He frantically pulls what looks like a Disneyland costume*
Thin skinny guy: ...PencilMan!
*He stands there, looking uncomfortable and stuck-up, in a pencil costume made out of foam*
The Incredibly she-Hulk: I bet he’s shaking in his boots.
PencilMan: A 10-foot woman with bulging muscles and hairy hands is very hard to contend with when trying to scare someone.
Tonyman: That wouldn’t happen to be Nicola Mallinson, would it?
*The Incredible she-Hulk bursts into tears and runs into the mens' toilets. She runs out, giggles, and then runs into the ladies’*
PencilMan: Oh, let her go. We need to work out how we’re going to combat your groin-rot.
Tonyman: What? Aren’t we meant to be combatting this SuperStryke guy?
PencilMan: Ah, yes. Sorry, I got a little, er, carried away. Sorry. I say we invite him to our hide-out, strip him naked and tie him to a lamppost.
Tonyman: The nakedness.. always with the nakedness. What is it with you and nudity, PencilMan? Anyway, I have a better plan. I’ve been training a monkey for combat purposes recently. I call him.. Hercules!
PencilMan: Won’t people just confuse him with that 57 year old gypsy who keeps children as pets? I think his real name is.. Math Ughes, or something. Hercules! is his nickname.
Tonyman: Probably. Okay, I’ll call him Sylvester. Anyway, I suggest we send Sylvester out to kick his butt!
PencilMan: Hey, Drunk Cow, less of the butt. We’re not in America, you know. Anyway, this plan with the monkey intrigues me. How will the monkey know how to track him down?
Tonyman: We don’t send the monkey to him, oh no. We bring him to the monkey.
PencilMan: Just how skilled is this monkey.
Tonyman: Let’s just say he’s enough to outsmart the entire of the top 10 recent SR posters.
PencilMan: Ooh, that’s harsh. He’s only a monkey.
Tonyman: Anyway, we lure SuperStryke in.. tomorrow!
*The Incredible she-Hulk reenters*
The Incredible she-Hulk: I want to be a part of this. I volunteer to be back up if the monkey fails.
Tonyman: Very well. Let us rest. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.
[SCENE 10]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his flat. Suddenly, a loud knock at the door, and the sound of footsteps getting quieter and quieter]
*SuperStryke opens the door.*
SuperStryke: Hmmm... a note.
“To SuperStryke
We have some moisturising cream we want you to test out. It’s from TopShop and everything. If you are interested meet us at the entrance to the All Creatures Great and Deceased pet cemetery, 12:00 sharp.“
SuperStryke: Ooh, scandalous! TopShop.
[SCENE 11]
[SuperStryke is outside the Pet Cemetery. The time is 11:59. His watch beeps. 12:00]
SuperStryke: That’s odd. They should be here by...
*Sylvester the Monkey jumps out and clings to SuperStryke’s head*
SuperStryke: Hey! Get off! Your furs in my mouth.... mmm, you taste good..
Sylvester: Ooh-ooh-ooh-eek-eek-eek!
*Sylvester karate kicks SuperStryke into a dustbin*
*SuperStryke climbs to his feet, and picks up a dustbin lid. Treating it like a frisbee, he fires it at Sylvester*
Tonyman: Sylvester!
SuperStryke: Back, old man!
Tonyman: Hey, you didn’t have to go all personal. I don’t call you melon head or girlie pink man, do I now pretty boy?
SuperStryke: No-one insults my prettiness! You will pay!
*SuperStryke charges at Tonyman, who teleports out of the way.*
Tonyman: I laugh at your laughable attempts to stop me, SuperStryke. You incompetent fool. I should've known that..
*Heavy footsteps*
*The Incredible she-Hulk charges round the corner, arms raised, fuming mad. She charges into Tonyman, sending him flying into a wall.*
The Incredible she-Hulk: Oh, what have I done?
SuperStryke: Hi-ya!
*SuperStryke kicks she-Hulk in the shin*
*she-Hulk doesn’t appear to notice*
*She-Hulk is distracted by Tonyman, and SuperStryke notices PencilMan. He charges at him*
PencilMan: Okay, this is where we turn it up a notch. This is when the big boys come out to play. This is when it gets interesting. This is when we get this show on the ro...
*SuperStryke knocks PencilMan over, picks up a briefcase on the seat of PencilMan’s car and hijacks a motorbike. He speeds off.*
*Seconds later, Police arrive at the scene, and arrest the criminals*
[SCENE 11]
[Standing in the still-wrecked SR shop, SuperStryke presents the staffies with the money]
Brad: Thankyou for your kind efforts, SuperStryke man.
SuperStryke: It’s all in a days work for.. SuperStryke! I have a feeling that I’m going to settle into this city like hot cakes. The criminals are in jail, you have your money and I get to investigate onto what happened to my TopShop Moisturising Cream. Ta-ta!
________________________
[EPILOGUE]
SuperStryke never did find his moisturising cream, and went onto a life of civilian protecting and watching poorly run daytime TV shows.
Tonyman saw through his prison sentence quickly, as he was still wondering how he had managed to die in the SR shop and come back to life as a superhero.
Brad, Snuggly and Loki used the money to convert Egham Special Reserve into an upper crust pimp-house. Nice to know some things never change.
The Incredible she-Hulk saw through her prison sentence, and then opened a quiet book shop in the middle of town.
PencilMan had to work as he had no money, so he ended up giving out pencil stickers to kids at the local Library.
Sylvester the combat Monkey became the new head of Special Reserve within a week of working there.
The little old lady went on a killing spree at the local youth café
The criminal who was assisting the 3 villains kept his head down working at Special Reserve in Nottingham, a popular place for criminals trying to avoid the police.
Everyone else probably died or became a clown or something.
*Stryke walks out in Superman get-up*
SuperStryke: Hello, ladies and germs, I’m SuperStryke! Deadlier than a mouthful of lava, friendlier than an Andrex puppy, camper than Grix on a day trip to Legoland and as mind-crippling as a string of gerrid’s one line posts. I save the world from all the evil deeds, here in the lush, thriving metropolis that is.. Egham! I’ll be the new king of this city, not that the Government will agree with that, but I’ll use my magic powers to stop them. So, watch out, crooks of Egham! SuperStryke has entered the building. Or the city. Or the town. Or whatever this god forsaken hell hole is.
[SCENE 1]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his flat, watching TV and eating cereal out of the box]
*phone rings*
SuperStryke: Bah, humbug. Who’s calling at this hour?
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: Hello, SuperStryke, defender of Egham and generally cool, handsome and strong guy here, who is it please?
Old lady: Gareth, dear, are you wearing clean underwear?
SuperStryke: Not now Mom, we can worry about underwear later. I have a city to hold down.
*Hangs up phone*
SuperStryke: That was close.. too close. Urgh... I’m getting paranoid. I guess that’s a price you have to pay when operating with some of the hard-nut criminals that live in Egham. I... I need some sleep.
*SuperStryke nearly falls asleep, but is woken by another phone call*
SuperStryke: That’ll be mother making sure I’m not running out of socks that fit me.
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: Mom, I have several pairs of socks, so don’t worry you...
Unknown caller: That’s very touching, SuperStryke. I never knew you considered me your Mother. Anyway, I’ll make it snappy. Me and my companions have heard of your plan to conquer Egham, and we’re not too pleased. We’ll soon be executing a job which we’ve been planning for a while. If you mess it up, we’ll kill you, mark my words. Have a pleasant night’s sleep, SuperStryke.
SuperStryke: Who.. who are you?
Unknown caller: You’ll soon learn more of me if you carry on your little heroic deeds, Mr. Stryke.
*The unknown caller hangs up*
SuperStryke: I wonder what they are planning.. better not worry myself now.
[SCENE 2]
[SuperStryke is walking through town, preserving the safety of the civilians]
[Stryke walks past an old lady being mugged by youths]
SuperStryke: Keep up the good work, lads.
*SuperStryke starts whistling*
Old lady: Help! Help! They’re stealing my stuff
SuperStryke: This looks like a job for.. SuperStryke!
*SuperStryke runs up and punches the old lady, takes her bag and hands it to the youths*
SuperStryke: Here you go kids.
*SuperStryke walks off, whistling*
[SCENE 3]
[SuperStryke is in the police station, talking to an officer]
SuperStryke: No, I can assure you I saw nothing involving an old lady being mugged by some youths, but if I has seen it, I would have certainly done something about it.
Officer: Okay. Sorry for bothering you, Mr. Jen....
SuperStryke: I see someone is forgetting my name.
Officer:
SuperStryke: Better. Good day.
[Stryke walks out of the station]
[SuperStryke returns to his apartment]
SuperStryke:
*Phone rings*
SuperStryke: Does someone in this city have a problem with me getting sleep?
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: ... Hello?
Unknown caller: We shall be hitting one of the few sources of income in Egham tomorrow. Make sure you stay home and put your feet up, eh?
*Unknown caller hangs up*
SuperStryke: So, they plan to hit the Bank, eh? We all know that the only sources of income in Egham are the bank and the shop that sells illegal fireworks to kids.. Spekal Reservation or something. I’ll see to it that nothing happens. Better set my alarm, so I can beat them there.
*Sets alarm, then falls asleep*
[SCENE 4]
[It’s mid-evening, SuperStryke is sat outside the bank, asleep on a bench]
*old man walks up and starts poking SuperStryke*
SuperStryke: ..hu.. wha?
Old man: Beat it, ya bum. Moves youself, this is ol’ Geoff’s spot, ya hears? And ol’ Geoff is me. So move.
SuperStryke: That’s no way to speak to... SuperStryke!
Old man: What’s that you say? Striking whatnow? Ah, move, ya bum.
*SuperStryke obeys, and stands up*
SuperStryke: Hmm.. I guess it’s a little late for a robbery now. Maybe I’ll pop into the Egham Special Reserve. They seem to give employment to a range of criminals and low-life gangsters. I’ll see if I can frame any of them.
[SCENE 5]
[SuperStryke is just about to walk around the corner, to the SR shop]
*SuperStryke turns the corner*
*SR has several of it’s windows smashed in. A car is parked outside, and it speeds off. Smoke is rising from one of the windows, and inside everything has been wrecked.*
*SuperStryke approaches the shop with caution*
SuperStryke: Good God.. what happened here?
*Tony is dead on the floor, Loki is crying over his body, Snuggly is still hiding behind a display and Brad is casually knocking games off the shelves into a black sack*
SuperStryke: Brad, what are you doing?
Brad: Uh, I’m, uh, collecting the games, so we don’t get robbed. Yeah, that’s it.
SuperStryke: O..kay. Snuggly, you can come out now, the bad people have gone. Loki.. he’s dead, okay. Dead as a dodo. Get over it.
*Loki bursts into tears and runs into the girls toilets. He quickly runs out, giggling, and then starts crying again and runs into the men’s toilets.*
SuperStryke: Who attacked you? Unknown caller?
Brad: Uh.. no. It was a bunch of men, all who looked a bit stupid. They had rubbishy superhero costumes on. I think one of them was called PencilMan, or something.
Snuggly: Thin as a post and with a lead point, sharp as a pair of nursery school scissors and as poisonous as a strawberry. There were some other people too.. had weird names. One looked like a female Incredible Hulk, and the other kept on going on about his Tony sense, or something. The Tony guy was a sort of cross between a gorilla and a hillbilly’s Xmas dinner leftovers.
SuperStryke: So, pencil man, Anne Widdicome and someone called Tony?
Brad: Uh, yes, no, yes.
SuperStryke: Okay. I’m on the case.
[SCENE 6]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his apartment]
SuperStryke: Now, If I were either a pencil, Anne Widdicome or Tonyman, where would I hide? I know! Special Reserve!
*SuperStryke walks out*
*SuperStryke walks back in. 23 minutes has passed on the clock*
SuperStryke: Well, looks like I forgot that criminals don’t usually hide at the scene of the crime.. now, where would be the second place I would hide? A mysterious underground hideout in the back room of a nightclub called the Egham eel which I’ve only just thought of because Asher doesn’t want to pro-long the topic? I’m there.
[SCENE 7]
[SuperStryke is outside the Egham eel. He is wearing a hat, a long coat and he is holding a cigar in one hand. He doesn’t smoke it, he just holds it to make himself look hard. He slowly enters the club]
*SuperStryke walks up to the bar*
SuperStryke: Lemonade, with extra ice.
Bar man: £1.25, please.
SuperStryke: Here, keep the change.
Bar man: You didn’t give me any cha..
SuperStryke: Don’t be ungrateful. I’m looking for a dark back-room where some lowlife criminals are hanging around. Can you show me to it?
Bar man: Hey..
*Bar man punches SuperStryke, sending him to the floor. The crowd scream. Bar man runs into a back room.*
*SuperStryke clambers up, and runs into the back room*
[A fire exit is blowing in the wind. There is no sign of the occupants.]
*SuperStryke runs outside and down the alley. He spots a car with people frantically climbing in. He runs up, jumps onto the top, and hangs on for dear life as the car speeds away. The car swerves a lot, trying to shake SuperStryke off. SuperStryke eventually gets thrown off, but knocks a little boy off his tricycle and gives chase. He tries to catch the villains, but the little boy runs and catches up with him. The little boy brushes SuperStryke aside, throwing him to the ground. Little boy rides off*
[SCENE 8]
[SuperStryke is patrolling the streets in another disguise.]
SuperStryke: Hmm.. if my calculations are correct, there should be some tire marks on the road where they shook me off last night.. hmmm... aha! There they are. All I need to do is follow the tracks..oh crap. Who’d have thought the tracks end a metre after they start? Oh well. Better look for more clues.
*The wanted car drives past slowly*
SuperStryke: Hey! That car looks familiar.. stop!
*The window rolls down. A man is looking out, clutching a gun.*
SuperStryke: Hey, your that man who used to work in the pub.. what happened to that place?
Man: Er....
SuperStryke: Hey, wait! I recognise this car...
*Car suddenly speeds off*
*SuperStryke gives chase, and manages to jump onto the car in the nick of time. Making sure not to repeat the same mistake, he jumps through the window*
Man: Get out of my car you freakin’ idiot!!
SuperStryke: What are you trying to do?
Man: I’m trying to kill you!
SuperStryke: Why?
Man:
SuperStryke: Oh yeah, about that. I’m looking for 3 superhero criminals. Where can I find them?
*Man suddenly ejects from the car, which is heading straight off the edge of a cliff*
SuperStryke: Oh crap! I can’t open the doors! The window!
*SuperStryke frantically opens the window and jumps out in the nick of time*
SuperStryke: Yes! I made it! Oh crap.. I’m rolling off the edge!
*SuperStryke clambers to his feet and jumps to safety in the nick of time. Again.*
[SCENE 9]
[A dimly lit room hidden away at the back of a family restaurant. 3 people are sitting round a table. A man runs in, looking tired and anxious]
Tired & Anxious man: Hey! Hey! You know that saddo in the yellow and pink lycra who’s claiming to be the new hotshot in town - he’s after you.
Thin skinny guy: Thanks for alerting us, Alberto Columbo Josepha Craig Rodriguez the 2nd. This can only mean one thing! It’s time for..
*He frantically pulls what looks like a Disneyland costume*
Thin skinny guy: ...PencilMan!
*He stands there, looking uncomfortable and stuck-up, in a pencil costume made out of foam*
The Incredibly she-Hulk: I bet he’s shaking in his boots.
PencilMan: A 10-foot woman with bulging muscles and hairy hands is very hard to contend with when trying to scare someone.
Tonyman: That wouldn’t happen to be Nicola Mallinson, would it?
*The Incredible she-Hulk bursts into tears and runs into the mens' toilets. She runs out, giggles, and then runs into the ladies’*
PencilMan: Oh, let her go. We need to work out how we’re going to combat your groin-rot.
Tonyman: What? Aren’t we meant to be combatting this SuperStryke guy?
PencilMan: Ah, yes. Sorry, I got a little, er, carried away. Sorry. I say we invite him to our hide-out, strip him naked and tie him to a lamppost.
Tonyman: The nakedness.. always with the nakedness. What is it with you and nudity, PencilMan? Anyway, I have a better plan. I’ve been training a monkey for combat purposes recently. I call him.. Hercules!
PencilMan: Won’t people just confuse him with that 57 year old gypsy who keeps children as pets? I think his real name is.. Math Ughes, or something. Hercules! is his nickname.
Tonyman: Probably. Okay, I’ll call him Sylvester. Anyway, I suggest we send Sylvester out to kick his butt!
PencilMan: Hey, Drunk Cow, less of the butt. We’re not in America, you know. Anyway, this plan with the monkey intrigues me. How will the monkey know how to track him down?
Tonyman: We don’t send the monkey to him, oh no. We bring him to the monkey.
PencilMan: Just how skilled is this monkey.
Tonyman: Let’s just say he’s enough to outsmart the entire of the top 10 recent SR posters.
PencilMan: Ooh, that’s harsh. He’s only a monkey.
Tonyman: Anyway, we lure SuperStryke in.. tomorrow!
*The Incredible she-Hulk reenters*
The Incredible she-Hulk: I want to be a part of this. I volunteer to be back up if the monkey fails.
Tonyman: Very well. Let us rest. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.
[SCENE 10]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his flat. Suddenly, a loud knock at the door, and the sound of footsteps getting quieter and quieter]
*SuperStryke opens the door.*
SuperStryke: Hmmm... a note.
“To SuperStryke
We have some moisturising cream we want you to test out. It’s from TopShop and everything. If you are interested meet us at the entrance to the All Creatures Great and Deceased pet cemetery, 12:00 sharp.“
SuperStryke: Ooh, scandalous! TopShop.
[SCENE 11]
[SuperStryke is outside the Pet Cemetery. The time is 11:59. His watch beeps. 12:00]
SuperStryke: That’s odd. They should be here by...
*Sylvester the Monkey jumps out and clings to SuperStryke’s head*
SuperStryke: Hey! Get off! Your furs in my mouth.... mmm, you taste good..
Sylvester: Ooh-ooh-ooh-eek-eek-eek!
*Sylvester karate kicks SuperStryke into a dustbin*
*SuperStryke climbs to his feet, and picks up a dustbin lid. Treating it like a frisbee, he fires it at Sylvester*
Tonyman: Sylvester!
SuperStryke: Back, old man!
Tonyman: Hey, you didn’t have to go all personal. I don’t call you melon head or girlie pink man, do I now pretty boy?
SuperStryke: No-one insults my prettiness! You will pay!
*SuperStryke charges at Tonyman, who teleports out of the way.*
Tonyman: I laugh at your laughable attempts to stop me, SuperStryke. You incompetent fool. I should've known that..
*Heavy footsteps*
*The Incredible she-Hulk charges round the corner, arms raised, fuming mad. She charges into Tonyman, sending him flying into a wall.*
The Incredible she-Hulk: Oh, what have I done?
SuperStryke: Hi-ya!
*SuperStryke kicks she-Hulk in the shin*
*she-Hulk doesn’t appear to notice*
*She-Hulk is distracted by Tonyman, and SuperStryke notices PencilMan. He charges at him*
PencilMan: Okay, this is where we turn it up a notch. This is when the big boys come out to play. This is when it gets interesting. This is when we get this show on the ro...
*SuperStryke knocks PencilMan over, picks up a briefcase on the seat of PencilMan’s car and hijacks a motorbike. He speeds off.*
*Seconds later, Police arrive at the scene, and arrest the criminals*
[SCENE 11]
[Standing in the still-wrecked SR shop, SuperStryke presents the staffies with the money]
Brad: Thankyou for your kind efforts, SuperStryke man.
SuperStryke: It’s all in a days work for.. SuperStryke! I have a feeling that I’m going to settle into this city like hot cakes. The criminals are in jail, you have your money and I get to investigate onto what happened to my TopShop Moisturising Cream. Ta-ta!
________________________
[EPILOGUE]
SuperStryke never did find his moisturising cream, and went onto a life of civilian protecting and watching poorly run daytime TV shows.
Tonyman saw through his prison sentence quickly, as he was still wondering how he had managed to die in the SR shop and come back to life as a superhero.
Brad, Snuggly and Loki used the money to convert Egham Special Reserve into an upper crust pimp-house. Nice to know some things never change.
The Incredible she-Hulk saw through her prison sentence, and then opened a quiet book shop in the middle of town.
PencilMan had to work as he had no money, so he ended up giving out pencil stickers to kids at the local Library.
Sylvester the combat Monkey became the new head of Special Reserve within a week of working there.
The little old lady went on a killing spree at the local youth café
The criminal who was assisting the 3 villains kept his head down working at Special Reserve in Nottingham, a popular place for criminals trying to avoid the police.
Everyone else probably died or became a clown or something.
Page:
Nice one Ash. Pretty funny, longish but funny.
Heh. You are obsessed with Stryke :D Funny though :D
[PROLOGUE]
*Stryke walks out in Superman get-up*
SuperStryke: Hello, ladies and germs, I’m SuperStryke! Deadlier than a mouthful of lava, friendlier than an Andrex puppy, camper than Grix on a day trip to Legoland and as mind-crippling as a string of gerrid’s one line posts. I save the world from all the evil deeds, here in the lush, thriving metropolis that is.. Egham! I’ll be the new king of this city, not that the Government will agree with that, but I’ll use my magic powers to stop them. So, watch out, crooks of Egham! SuperStryke has entered the building. Or the city. Or the town. Or whatever this god forsaken hell hole is.
[SCENE 1]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his flat, watching TV and eating cereal out of the box]
*phone rings*
SuperStryke: Bah, humbug. Who’s calling at this hour?
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: Hello, SuperStryke, defender of Egham and generally cool, handsome and strong guy here, who is it please?
Old lady: Gareth, dear, are you wearing clean underwear?
SuperStryke: Not now Mom, we can worry about underwear later. I have a city to hold down.
*Hangs up phone*
SuperStryke: That was close.. too close. Urgh... I’m getting paranoid. I guess that’s a price you have to pay when operating with some of the hard-nut criminals that live in Egham. I... I need some sleep.
*SuperStryke nearly falls asleep, but is woken by another phone call*
SuperStryke: That’ll be mother making sure I’m not running out of socks that fit me.
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: Mom, I have several pairs of socks, so don’t worry you...
Unknown caller: That’s very touching, SuperStryke. I never knew you considered me your Mother. Anyway, I’ll make it snappy. Me and my companions have heard of your plan to conquer Egham, and we’re not too pleased. We’ll soon be executing a job which we’ve been planning for a while. If you mess it up, we’ll kill you, mark my words. Have a pleasant night’s sleep, SuperStryke.
SuperStryke: Who.. who are you?
Unknown caller: You’ll soon learn more of me if you carry on your little heroic deeds, Mr. Stryke.
*The unknown caller hangs up*
SuperStryke: I wonder what they are planning.. better not worry myself now.
[SCENE 2]
[SuperStryke is walking through town, preserving the safety of the civilians]
[Stryke walks past an old lady being mugged by youths]
SuperStryke: Keep up the good work, lads.
*SuperStryke starts whistling*
Old lady: Help! Help! They’re stealing my stuff
SuperStryke: This looks like a job for.. SuperStryke!
*SuperStryke runs up and punches the old lady, takes her bag and hands it to the youths*
SuperStryke: Here you go kids.
*SuperStryke walks off, whistling*
[SCENE 3]
[SuperStryke is in the police station, talking to an officer]
SuperStryke: No, I can assure you I saw nothing involving an old lady being mugged by some youths, but if I has seen it, I would have certainly done something about it.
Officer: Okay. Sorry for bothering you, Mr. Jen....
SuperStryke: I see someone is forgetting my name.
Officer: Sorry, SuperStryke
SuperStryke: Better. Good day.
[Stryke walks out of the station]
[SuperStryke returns to his apartment]
SuperStryke: I’m tired, better get some sleep.
*Phone rings*
SuperStryke: Does someone in this city have a problem with me getting sleep?
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: ... Hello?
Unknown caller: We shall be hitting one of the few sources of income in Egham tomorrow. Make sure you stay home and put your feet up, eh?
*Unknown caller hangs up*
SuperStryke: So, they plan to hit the Bank, eh? We all know that the only sources of income in Egham are the bank and the shop that sells illegal fireworks to kids.. Spekal Reservation or something. I’ll see to it that nothing happens. Better set my alarm, so I can beat them there.
*Sets alarm, then falls asleep*
[SCENE 4]
[It’s mid-evening, SuperStryke is sat outside the bank, asleep on a bench]
*old man walks up and starts poking SuperStryke*
SuperStryke: ..hu.. wha?
Old man: Beat it, ya bum. Moves youself, this is ol’ Geoff’s spot, ya hears? And ol’ Geoff is me. So move.
SuperStryke: That’s no way to speak to... SuperStryke!
Old man: What’s that you say? Striking whatnow? Ah, move, ya bum.
*SuperStryke obeys, and stands up*
SuperStryke: Hmm.. I guess it’s a little late for a robbery now. Maybe I’ll pop into the Egham Special Reserve. They seem to give employment to a range of criminals and low-life gangsters. I’ll see if I can frame any of them.
[SCENE 5]
[SuperStryke is just about to walk around the corner, to the SR shop]
*SuperStryke turns the corner*
*SR has several of it’s windows smashed in. A car is parked outside, and it speeds off. Smoke is rising from one of the windows, and inside everything has been wrecked.*
*SuperStryke approaches the shop with caution*
SuperStryke: Good God.. what happened here?
*Tony is dead on the floor, Loki is crying over his body, Snuggly is still hiding behind a display and Brad is casually knocking games off the shelves into a black sack*
SuperStryke: Brad, what are you doing?
Brad: Uh, I’m, uh, collecting the games, so we don’t get robbed. Yeah, that’s it.
SuperStryke: O..kay. Snuggly, you can come out now, the bad people have gone. Loki.. he’s dead, okay. Dead as a dodo. Get over it.
*Loki bursts into tears and runs into the girls toilets. He quickly runs out, giggling, and then starts crying again and runs into the men’s toilets.*
SuperStryke: Who attacked you? Unknown caller?
Brad: Uh.. no. It was a bunch of men, all who looked a bit stupid. They had rubbishy superhero costumes on. I think one of them was called PencilMan, or something.
Snuggly: Thin as a post and with a lead point, sharp as a pair of nursery school scissors and as poisonous as a strawberry. There were some other people too.. had weird names. One looked like a female Incredible Hulk, and the other kept on going on about his Tony sense, or something. The Tony guy was a sort of cross between a gorilla and a hillbilly’s Xmas dinner leftovers.
SuperStryke: So, pencil man, Anne Widdicome and someone called Tony?
Brad: Uh, yes, no, yes.
SuperStryke: Okay. I’m on the case.
[SCENE 6]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his apartment]
SuperStryke: Now, If I were either a pencil, Anne Widdicome or Tonyman, where would I hide? I know! Special Reserve!
*SuperStryke walks out*
*SuperStryke walks back in. 23 minutes has passed on the clock*
SuperStryke: Well, looks like I forgot that criminals don’t usually hide at the scene of the crime.. now, where would be the second place I would hide? A mysterious underground hideout in the back room of a nightclub called the Egham eel which I’ve only just thought of because Asher doesn’t want to pro-long the topic? I’m there.
[SCENE 7]
[SuperStryke is outside the Egham eel. He is wearing a hat, a long coat and he is holding a cigar in one hand. He doesn’t smoke it, he just holds it to make himself look hard. He slowly enters the club]
*SuperStryke walks up to the bar*
SuperStryke: Lemonade, with extra ice.
Bar man: £1.25, please.
SuperStryke: Here, keep the change.
Bar man: You didn’t give me any cha..
SuperStryke: Don’t be ungrateful. I’m looking for a dark back-room where some lowlife criminals are hanging around. Can you show me to it?
Bar man: Hey..
*Bar man punches SuperStryke, sending him to the floor. The crowd scream. Bar man runs into a back room.*
*SuperStryke clambers up, and runs into the back room*
[A fire exit is blowing in the wind. There is no sign of the occupants.]
*SuperStryke runs outside and down the alley. He spots a car with people frantically climbing in. He runs up, jumps onto the top, and hangs on for dear life as the car speeds away. The car swerves a lot, trying to shake SuperStryke off. SuperStryke eventually gets thrown off, but knocks a little boy off his tricycle and gives chase. He tries to catch the villains, but the little boy runs and catches up with him. The little boy brushes SuperStryke aside, throwing him to the ground. Little boy rides off*
[SCENE 8]
[SuperStryke is patrolling the streets in another disguise.]
SuperStryke: Hmm.. if my calculations are correct, there should be some tire marks on the road where they shook me off last night.. hmmm... aha! There they are. All I need to do is follow the tracks..oh crap. Who’d have thought the tracks end a metre after they start? Oh well. Better look for more clues.
*The wanted car drives past slowly*
SuperStryke: Hey! That car looks familiar.. stop!
*The window rolls down. A man is looking out, clutching a gun.*
SuperStryke: Hey, your that man who used to work in the pub.. what happened to that place?
Man: Er....
SuperStryke: Hey, wait! I recognise this car...
*Car suddenly speeds off*
*SuperStryke gives chase, and manages to jump onto the car in the nick of time. Making sure not to repeat the same mistake, he jumps through the window*
Man: Get out of my car you freakin’ idiot!!
SuperStryke: What are you trying to do?
Man: I’m trying to kill you!
SuperStryke: Why?
Man: Your in my damn car, you idiot!
SuperStryke: Oh yeah, about that. I’m looking for 3 superhero criminals. Where can I find them?
*Man suddenly ejects from the car, which is heading straight off the edge of a cliff*
SuperStryke: Oh crap! I can’t open the doors! The window!
*SuperStryke frantically opens the window and jumps out in the nick of time*
SuperStryke: Yes! I made it! Oh crap.. I’m rolling off the edge!
*SuperStryke clambers to his feet and jumps to safety in the nick of time. Again.*
[SCENE 9]
[A dimly lit room hidden away at the back of a family restaurant. 3 people are sitting round a table. A man runs in, looking tired and anxious]
Tired & Anxious man: Hey! Hey! You know that saddo in the yellow and pink lycra who’s claiming to be the new hotshot in town - he’s after you.
Thin skinny guy: Thanks for alerting us, Alberto Columbo Josepha Craig Rodriguez the 2nd. This can only mean one thing! It’s time for..
*He frantically pulls what looks like a Disneyland costume*
Thin skinny guy: ...PencilMan!
*He stands there, looking uncomfortable and stuck-up, in a pencil costume made out of foam*
The Incredibly she-Hulk: I bet he’s shaking in his boots.
PencilMan: A 10-foot woman with bulging muscles and hairy hands is very hard to contend with when trying to scare someone.
Tonyman: That wouldn’t happen to be Nicola Mallinson, would it?
*The Incredible she-Hulk bursts into tears and runs into the mens' toilets. She runs out, giggles, and then runs into the ladies’*
PencilMan: Oh, let her go. We need to work out how we’re going to combat your groin-rot.
Tonyman: What? Aren’t we meant to be combatting this SuperStryke guy?
PencilMan: Ah, yes. Sorry, I got a little, er, carried away. Sorry. I say we invite him to our hide-out, strip him naked and tie him to a lamppost.
Tonyman: The nakedness.. always with the nakedness. What is it with you and nudity, PencilMan? Anyway, I have a better plan. I’ve been training a monkey for combat purposes recently. I call him.. Hercules!
PencilMan: Won’t people just confuse him with that 57 year old gypsy who keeps children as pets? I think his real name is.. Math Ughes, or something. Hercules! is his nickname.
Tonyman: Probably. Okay, I’ll call him Sylvester. Anyway, I suggest we send Sylvester out to kick his butt!
PencilMan: Hey, Drunk Cow, less of the butt. We’re not in America, you know. Anyway, this plan with the monkey intrigues me. How will the monkey know how to track him down?
Tonyman: We don’t send the monkey to him, oh no. We bring him to the monkey.
PencilMan: Just how skilled is this monkey.
Tonyman: Let’s just say he’s enough to outsmart the entire of the top 10 recent SR posters.
PencilMan: Ooh, that’s harsh. He’s only a monkey.
Tonyman: Anyway, we lure SuperStryke in.. tomorrow!
*The Incredible she-Hulk reenters*
The Incredible she-Hulk: I want to be a part of this. I volunteer to be back up if the monkey fails.
Tonyman: Very well. Let us rest. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.
[SCENE 10]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his flat. Suddenly, a loud knock at the door, and the sound of footsteps getting quieter and quieter]
*SuperStryke opens the door.*
SuperStryke: Hmmm... a note.
“To SuperStryke
We have some moisturising cream we want you to test out. It’s from TopShop and everything. If you are interested meet us at the entrance to the All Creatures Great and Deceased pet cemetery, 12:00 sharp.“
SuperStryke: Ooh, scandalous! TopShop.
[SCENE 11]
[SuperStryke is outside the Pet Cemetery. The time is 11:59. His watch beeps. 12:00]
SuperStryke: That’s odd. They should be here by...
*Sylvester the Monkey jumps out and clings to SuperStryke’s head*
SuperStryke: Hey! Get off! Your furs in my mouth.... mmm, you taste good..
Sylvester: Ooh-ooh-ooh-eek-eek-eek!
*Sylvester karate kicks SuperStryke into a dustbin*
*SuperStryke climbs to his feet, and picks up a dustbin lid. Treating it like a frisbee, he fires it at Sylvester*
Tonyman: Sylvester!
SuperStryke: Back, old man!
Tonyman: Hey, you didn’t have to go all personal. I don’t call you melon head or girlie pink man, do I now pretty boy?
SuperStryke: No-one insults my prettiness! You will pay!
*SuperStryke charges at Tonyman, who teleports out of the way.*
Tonyman: I laugh at your laughable attempts to stop me, SuperStryke. You incompetent fool. I should've known that..
*Heavy footsteps*
*The Incredible she-Hulk charges round the corner, arms raised, fuming mad. She charges into Tonyman, sending him flying into a wall.*
The Incredible she-Hulk: Oh, what have I done?
SuperStryke: Hi-ya!
*SuperStryke kicks she-Hulk in the shin*
*she-Hulk doesn’t appear to notice*
*She-Hulk is distracted by Tonyman, and SuperStryke notices PencilMan. He charges at him*
PencilMan: Okay, this is where we turn it up a notch. This is when the big boys come out to play. This is when it gets interesting. This is when we get this show on the ro...
*SuperStryke knocks PencilMan over, picks up a briefcase on the seat of PencilMan’s car and hijacks a motorbike. He speeds off.*
*Seconds later, Police arrive at the scene, and arrest the criminals*
[SCENE 11]
[Standing in the still-wrecked SR shop, SuperStryke presents the staffies with the money]
Brad: Thankyou for your kind efforts, SuperStryke man.
SuperStryke: It’s all in a days work for.. SuperStryke! I have a feeling that I’m going to settle into this city like hot cakes. The criminals are in jail, you have your money and I get to investigate onto what happened to my TopShop Moisturising Cream. Ta-ta!
________________________
[EPILOGUE]
SuperStryke never did find his moisturising cream, and went onto a life of civilian protecting and watching poorly run daytime TV shows.
Tonyman saw through his prison sentence quickly, as he was still wondering how he had managed to die in the SR shop and come back to life as a superhero.
Brad, Snuggly and Loki used the money to convert Egham Special Reserve into an upper crust pimp-house. Nice to know some things never change.
The Incredible she-Hulk saw through her prison sentence, and then opened a quiet book shop in the middle of town.
PencilMan had to work as he had no money, so he ended up giving out pencil stickers to kids at the local Library.
Sylvester the combat Monkey became the new head of Special Reserve within a week of working there.
The little old lady went on a killing spree at the local youth café
The criminal who was assisting the 3 villains kept his head down working at Special Reserve in Nottingham, a popular place for criminals trying to avoid the police.
Everyone else probably died or became a clown or something.
*Stryke walks out in Superman get-up*
SuperStryke: Hello, ladies and germs, I’m SuperStryke! Deadlier than a mouthful of lava, friendlier than an Andrex puppy, camper than Grix on a day trip to Legoland and as mind-crippling as a string of gerrid’s one line posts. I save the world from all the evil deeds, here in the lush, thriving metropolis that is.. Egham! I’ll be the new king of this city, not that the Government will agree with that, but I’ll use my magic powers to stop them. So, watch out, crooks of Egham! SuperStryke has entered the building. Or the city. Or the town. Or whatever this god forsaken hell hole is.
[SCENE 1]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his flat, watching TV and eating cereal out of the box]
*phone rings*
SuperStryke: Bah, humbug. Who’s calling at this hour?
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: Hello, SuperStryke, defender of Egham and generally cool, handsome and strong guy here, who is it please?
Old lady: Gareth, dear, are you wearing clean underwear?
SuperStryke: Not now Mom, we can worry about underwear later. I have a city to hold down.
*Hangs up phone*
SuperStryke: That was close.. too close. Urgh... I’m getting paranoid. I guess that’s a price you have to pay when operating with some of the hard-nut criminals that live in Egham. I... I need some sleep.
*SuperStryke nearly falls asleep, but is woken by another phone call*
SuperStryke: That’ll be mother making sure I’m not running out of socks that fit me.
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: Mom, I have several pairs of socks, so don’t worry you...
Unknown caller: That’s very touching, SuperStryke. I never knew you considered me your Mother. Anyway, I’ll make it snappy. Me and my companions have heard of your plan to conquer Egham, and we’re not too pleased. We’ll soon be executing a job which we’ve been planning for a while. If you mess it up, we’ll kill you, mark my words. Have a pleasant night’s sleep, SuperStryke.
SuperStryke: Who.. who are you?
Unknown caller: You’ll soon learn more of me if you carry on your little heroic deeds, Mr. Stryke.
*The unknown caller hangs up*
SuperStryke: I wonder what they are planning.. better not worry myself now.
[SCENE 2]
[SuperStryke is walking through town, preserving the safety of the civilians]
[Stryke walks past an old lady being mugged by youths]
SuperStryke: Keep up the good work, lads.
*SuperStryke starts whistling*
Old lady: Help! Help! They’re stealing my stuff
SuperStryke: This looks like a job for.. SuperStryke!
*SuperStryke runs up and punches the old lady, takes her bag and hands it to the youths*
SuperStryke: Here you go kids.
*SuperStryke walks off, whistling*
[SCENE 3]
[SuperStryke is in the police station, talking to an officer]
SuperStryke: No, I can assure you I saw nothing involving an old lady being mugged by some youths, but if I has seen it, I would have certainly done something about it.
Officer: Okay. Sorry for bothering you, Mr. Jen....
SuperStryke: I see someone is forgetting my name.
Officer:
SuperStryke: Better. Good day.
[Stryke walks out of the station]
[SuperStryke returns to his apartment]
SuperStryke:
*Phone rings*
SuperStryke: Does someone in this city have a problem with me getting sleep?
*Picks up phone*
SuperStryke: ... Hello?
Unknown caller: We shall be hitting one of the few sources of income in Egham tomorrow. Make sure you stay home and put your feet up, eh?
*Unknown caller hangs up*
SuperStryke: So, they plan to hit the Bank, eh? We all know that the only sources of income in Egham are the bank and the shop that sells illegal fireworks to kids.. Spekal Reservation or something. I’ll see to it that nothing happens. Better set my alarm, so I can beat them there.
*Sets alarm, then falls asleep*
[SCENE 4]
[It’s mid-evening, SuperStryke is sat outside the bank, asleep on a bench]
*old man walks up and starts poking SuperStryke*
SuperStryke: ..hu.. wha?
Old man: Beat it, ya bum. Moves youself, this is ol’ Geoff’s spot, ya hears? And ol’ Geoff is me. So move.
SuperStryke: That’s no way to speak to... SuperStryke!
Old man: What’s that you say? Striking whatnow? Ah, move, ya bum.
*SuperStryke obeys, and stands up*
SuperStryke: Hmm.. I guess it’s a little late for a robbery now. Maybe I’ll pop into the Egham Special Reserve. They seem to give employment to a range of criminals and low-life gangsters. I’ll see if I can frame any of them.
[SCENE 5]
[SuperStryke is just about to walk around the corner, to the SR shop]
*SuperStryke turns the corner*
*SR has several of it’s windows smashed in. A car is parked outside, and it speeds off. Smoke is rising from one of the windows, and inside everything has been wrecked.*
*SuperStryke approaches the shop with caution*
SuperStryke: Good God.. what happened here?
*Tony is dead on the floor, Loki is crying over his body, Snuggly is still hiding behind a display and Brad is casually knocking games off the shelves into a black sack*
SuperStryke: Brad, what are you doing?
Brad: Uh, I’m, uh, collecting the games, so we don’t get robbed. Yeah, that’s it.
SuperStryke: O..kay. Snuggly, you can come out now, the bad people have gone. Loki.. he’s dead, okay. Dead as a dodo. Get over it.
*Loki bursts into tears and runs into the girls toilets. He quickly runs out, giggling, and then starts crying again and runs into the men’s toilets.*
SuperStryke: Who attacked you? Unknown caller?
Brad: Uh.. no. It was a bunch of men, all who looked a bit stupid. They had rubbishy superhero costumes on. I think one of them was called PencilMan, or something.
Snuggly: Thin as a post and with a lead point, sharp as a pair of nursery school scissors and as poisonous as a strawberry. There were some other people too.. had weird names. One looked like a female Incredible Hulk, and the other kept on going on about his Tony sense, or something. The Tony guy was a sort of cross between a gorilla and a hillbilly’s Xmas dinner leftovers.
SuperStryke: So, pencil man, Anne Widdicome and someone called Tony?
Brad: Uh, yes, no, yes.
SuperStryke: Okay. I’m on the case.
[SCENE 6]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his apartment]
SuperStryke: Now, If I were either a pencil, Anne Widdicome or Tonyman, where would I hide? I know! Special Reserve!
*SuperStryke walks out*
*SuperStryke walks back in. 23 minutes has passed on the clock*
SuperStryke: Well, looks like I forgot that criminals don’t usually hide at the scene of the crime.. now, where would be the second place I would hide? A mysterious underground hideout in the back room of a nightclub called the Egham eel which I’ve only just thought of because Asher doesn’t want to pro-long the topic? I’m there.
[SCENE 7]
[SuperStryke is outside the Egham eel. He is wearing a hat, a long coat and he is holding a cigar in one hand. He doesn’t smoke it, he just holds it to make himself look hard. He slowly enters the club]
*SuperStryke walks up to the bar*
SuperStryke: Lemonade, with extra ice.
Bar man: £1.25, please.
SuperStryke: Here, keep the change.
Bar man: You didn’t give me any cha..
SuperStryke: Don’t be ungrateful. I’m looking for a dark back-room where some lowlife criminals are hanging around. Can you show me to it?
Bar man: Hey..
*Bar man punches SuperStryke, sending him to the floor. The crowd scream. Bar man runs into a back room.*
*SuperStryke clambers up, and runs into the back room*
[A fire exit is blowing in the wind. There is no sign of the occupants.]
*SuperStryke runs outside and down the alley. He spots a car with people frantically climbing in. He runs up, jumps onto the top, and hangs on for dear life as the car speeds away. The car swerves a lot, trying to shake SuperStryke off. SuperStryke eventually gets thrown off, but knocks a little boy off his tricycle and gives chase. He tries to catch the villains, but the little boy runs and catches up with him. The little boy brushes SuperStryke aside, throwing him to the ground. Little boy rides off*
[SCENE 8]
[SuperStryke is patrolling the streets in another disguise.]
SuperStryke: Hmm.. if my calculations are correct, there should be some tire marks on the road where they shook me off last night.. hmmm... aha! There they are. All I need to do is follow the tracks..oh crap. Who’d have thought the tracks end a metre after they start? Oh well. Better look for more clues.
*The wanted car drives past slowly*
SuperStryke: Hey! That car looks familiar.. stop!
*The window rolls down. A man is looking out, clutching a gun.*
SuperStryke: Hey, your that man who used to work in the pub.. what happened to that place?
Man: Er....
SuperStryke: Hey, wait! I recognise this car...
*Car suddenly speeds off*
*SuperStryke gives chase, and manages to jump onto the car in the nick of time. Making sure not to repeat the same mistake, he jumps through the window*
Man: Get out of my car you freakin’ idiot!!
SuperStryke: What are you trying to do?
Man: I’m trying to kill you!
SuperStryke: Why?
Man:
SuperStryke: Oh yeah, about that. I’m looking for 3 superhero criminals. Where can I find them?
*Man suddenly ejects from the car, which is heading straight off the edge of a cliff*
SuperStryke: Oh crap! I can’t open the doors! The window!
*SuperStryke frantically opens the window and jumps out in the nick of time*
SuperStryke: Yes! I made it! Oh crap.. I’m rolling off the edge!
*SuperStryke clambers to his feet and jumps to safety in the nick of time. Again.*
[SCENE 9]
[A dimly lit room hidden away at the back of a family restaurant. 3 people are sitting round a table. A man runs in, looking tired and anxious]
Tired & Anxious man: Hey! Hey! You know that saddo in the yellow and pink lycra who’s claiming to be the new hotshot in town - he’s after you.
Thin skinny guy: Thanks for alerting us, Alberto Columbo Josepha Craig Rodriguez the 2nd. This can only mean one thing! It’s time for..
*He frantically pulls what looks like a Disneyland costume*
Thin skinny guy: ...PencilMan!
*He stands there, looking uncomfortable and stuck-up, in a pencil costume made out of foam*
The Incredibly she-Hulk: I bet he’s shaking in his boots.
PencilMan: A 10-foot woman with bulging muscles and hairy hands is very hard to contend with when trying to scare someone.
Tonyman: That wouldn’t happen to be Nicola Mallinson, would it?
*The Incredible she-Hulk bursts into tears and runs into the mens' toilets. She runs out, giggles, and then runs into the ladies’*
PencilMan: Oh, let her go. We need to work out how we’re going to combat your groin-rot.
Tonyman: What? Aren’t we meant to be combatting this SuperStryke guy?
PencilMan: Ah, yes. Sorry, I got a little, er, carried away. Sorry. I say we invite him to our hide-out, strip him naked and tie him to a lamppost.
Tonyman: The nakedness.. always with the nakedness. What is it with you and nudity, PencilMan? Anyway, I have a better plan. I’ve been training a monkey for combat purposes recently. I call him.. Hercules!
PencilMan: Won’t people just confuse him with that 57 year old gypsy who keeps children as pets? I think his real name is.. Math Ughes, or something. Hercules! is his nickname.
Tonyman: Probably. Okay, I’ll call him Sylvester. Anyway, I suggest we send Sylvester out to kick his butt!
PencilMan: Hey, Drunk Cow, less of the butt. We’re not in America, you know. Anyway, this plan with the monkey intrigues me. How will the monkey know how to track him down?
Tonyman: We don’t send the monkey to him, oh no. We bring him to the monkey.
PencilMan: Just how skilled is this monkey.
Tonyman: Let’s just say he’s enough to outsmart the entire of the top 10 recent SR posters.
PencilMan: Ooh, that’s harsh. He’s only a monkey.
Tonyman: Anyway, we lure SuperStryke in.. tomorrow!
*The Incredible she-Hulk reenters*
The Incredible she-Hulk: I want to be a part of this. I volunteer to be back up if the monkey fails.
Tonyman: Very well. Let us rest. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.
[SCENE 10]
[SuperStryke is sitting in his flat. Suddenly, a loud knock at the door, and the sound of footsteps getting quieter and quieter]
*SuperStryke opens the door.*
SuperStryke: Hmmm... a note.
“To SuperStryke
We have some moisturising cream we want you to test out. It’s from TopShop and everything. If you are interested meet us at the entrance to the All Creatures Great and Deceased pet cemetery, 12:00 sharp.“
SuperStryke: Ooh, scandalous! TopShop.
[SCENE 11]
[SuperStryke is outside the Pet Cemetery. The time is 11:59. His watch beeps. 12:00]
SuperStryke: That’s odd. They should be here by...
*Sylvester the Monkey jumps out and clings to SuperStryke’s head*
SuperStryke: Hey! Get off! Your furs in my mouth.... mmm, you taste good..
Sylvester: Ooh-ooh-ooh-eek-eek-eek!
*Sylvester karate kicks SuperStryke into a dustbin*
*SuperStryke climbs to his feet, and picks up a dustbin lid. Treating it like a frisbee, he fires it at Sylvester*
Tonyman: Sylvester!
SuperStryke: Back, old man!
Tonyman: Hey, you didn’t have to go all personal. I don’t call you melon head or girlie pink man, do I now pretty boy?
SuperStryke: No-one insults my prettiness! You will pay!
*SuperStryke charges at Tonyman, who teleports out of the way.*
Tonyman: I laugh at your laughable attempts to stop me, SuperStryke. You incompetent fool. I should've known that..
*Heavy footsteps*
*The Incredible she-Hulk charges round the corner, arms raised, fuming mad. She charges into Tonyman, sending him flying into a wall.*
The Incredible she-Hulk: Oh, what have I done?
SuperStryke: Hi-ya!
*SuperStryke kicks she-Hulk in the shin*
*she-Hulk doesn’t appear to notice*
*She-Hulk is distracted by Tonyman, and SuperStryke notices PencilMan. He charges at him*
PencilMan: Okay, this is where we turn it up a notch. This is when the big boys come out to play. This is when it gets interesting. This is when we get this show on the ro...
*SuperStryke knocks PencilMan over, picks up a briefcase on the seat of PencilMan’s car and hijacks a motorbike. He speeds off.*
*Seconds later, Police arrive at the scene, and arrest the criminals*
[SCENE 11]
[Standing in the still-wrecked SR shop, SuperStryke presents the staffies with the money]
Brad: Thankyou for your kind efforts, SuperStryke man.
SuperStryke: It’s all in a days work for.. SuperStryke! I have a feeling that I’m going to settle into this city like hot cakes. The criminals are in jail, you have your money and I get to investigate onto what happened to my TopShop Moisturising Cream. Ta-ta!
________________________
[EPILOGUE]
SuperStryke never did find his moisturising cream, and went onto a life of civilian protecting and watching poorly run daytime TV shows.
Tonyman saw through his prison sentence quickly, as he was still wondering how he had managed to die in the SR shop and come back to life as a superhero.
Brad, Snuggly and Loki used the money to convert Egham Special Reserve into an upper crust pimp-house. Nice to know some things never change.
The Incredible she-Hulk saw through her prison sentence, and then opened a quiet book shop in the middle of town.
PencilMan had to work as he had no money, so he ended up giving out pencil stickers to kids at the local Library.
Sylvester the combat Monkey became the new head of Special Reserve within a week of working there.
The little old lady went on a killing spree at the local youth café
The criminal who was assisting the 3 villains kept his head down working at Special Reserve in Nottingham, a popular place for criminals trying to avoid the police.
Everyone else probably died or became a clown or something.
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