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This is a spoof but like Drunk's it is more action. This is my first real try so i hope you like it.
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Prologue
A long time ago 3 GADs were set in the pages of history together these would have the power to govern all of SR, but far in the east there was a dark lord ‘TONY!’ secretly he forged another GAD this could rule them all, having naught but the power… to destroy!
A great battle once reigned between staffies and members and in this when all hope seemed lost, when all courage was gone it happened the ring was parted from its master by the battle warrior Aliboy. Through the years he carried the ring but the ring, knowing only lies and deceit poisoned his mind and slowly he became obsessed with winning. Then when he was at his darkest, most fated and yet most powerful he was struck down and the ring lost.
For many years the ring lay dormant until one, fateful day the creature ‘Savo’ recovered it from its riverbed grave. Savo took in into the vast forums of stories where he would not be found, but he was…
Ant stumbled down the forums cave-like caverns of abyss and landed in a small dust pile. From the glimmer emanating from the water he could see the silhouetted shape of the grotesque Savo crouched over stroking his hands
"My…PRECIOUS… they won’t take you away, we won you we did, your ours for good," Ant observed this strange creature for a while until Savo dropped it, he dropped the GAD of power and it fell, through the mist and dust, through water and mud right into the path of Ant who pocketed the GAD and exited the forum…
Chapter 1
The feet of JATs smacked along the link to the forums as they pulled an aged notable called Meka Dragon the white. The trees blossomed and shed their light upon Meka’s back as he passed under their bows, smiling to himself and breathing in the fresh FOG prime air.
"Meka! Meka!" it was young Kyz running, beaming through the tall green grass, he jumped onto the cart crippling one of the JATs nearest him "you, Meka, are late!"
"A notable is never late young Kyz" Meka replied clouting Kyz around the head.
"Ouch. Oh Meka it’s good to see you" Kyz said rubbing his head then seeing the smile on Meka’s face "Please don’t hit me!" Meka laughed
" Oh young Kyz the first rule of uh notablism is don’t be afraid" and with that belted Kyz on the stomach. Together the continued laughing, talking of times past and events missed and gaining on the small forum called FOG prime.
Young JATs ran and skipped in front of Meka’s cart much to the notables delight, he smiled pleasantly as the pulled out a bat and began hitting them, some went down first shot and others tripped onto the dust crying. This amused Meka in a kind of mild bemusement, how could they be such wusses? He decided this wasn’t important and started asking Kyz of his old uncle Ant
"Ah he’s been well Mr Meka, he’s celebrating his tenty fifth birthday this year"
" Tell me again young Kyz how old is tenty five, I never quite know these new fangled FOG words"
"Oh its quite simple really he’s ten plus five- tenty five, so that makes him fifteen" Meka looked shocked at this news "fifteen, fifteen! Buggerations Kyz that’s old for a regular isn’t it!?"
"Yes Mr Meka" Kyz said proudly "oldest in SR history if’n I’m not mistaken"
The cart carried on up a hill and Meka decided that Kyz had been lazy enough for one day and threw him out of the cart
"Ouch oh ya buggerations! BY MR MEKA" Kyz shouted to the rising dust which was Meka’s cart.
The small wooden door creaked as Meka opened it and from inside the houses depth came "Oi get out of my house or I’ll um kill ya!" Meka laughed inwardly
"What about old notable friends" He waited then he heard the pattering of footsteps upon the floor and Ant ran in and hugged the notables midriff.
" Oh it’s good to see you my old friend. Meka the grey! Why I remember when you and I secretly tried to steal the wench mobile from Gerrid"
"Yes, haha we got a thrashing that day, but who’d of known that they liked it that much!?" The two friends walked into a small living room Meka cascading into the roof in his effort to sit down.
"So tenty five eh my old friend?"
"Yes we are having a party in the forums tonight I do believe we have fireworks to"
"Ah that’ll keep them all amused. Tell me is there anything you want to say to me?"
"Meka I feel old! I feel that no longer do I belong here, in this place of games I-I feel bored…"
"What of young Kyz?" inquired Meka in a concerned tone
"Ah he is too young to go Meka, for him FOG is still his home. I shall leave him this house and all that lies within it… except maybe that charming toilet roll holder, that was adorable don’t you think?"
"Yes that was lovely wasn’t it? I think you should keep that. Uh I mean ‘That isn’t important now Ant you must tell Kyz your plans"
"Oh no Meka I mustn’t do that you see he, a young regular aspiring to some kind of success needs an idol and I must be here for that"
"That is very noble of you Ant"
"Yes I must be here to decide his role model for him" Meka looked confused once more but brushed this off by eating a large slice of fruitcake.
Fireworks burst in the air leaving bright colours against the black night sky of the little forum. Regulars, Newbies and notables alike joined in the celebrations. Microchips and Mojojojo read aloud their spoofs, Kyz for the first time at a party of this magnitude read out some cheats and PB walked giving his opinion. Everybody was happy enjoying the festivities when Ant tapped on his glass and sent it flying into the lake.
"People of FOG thank you all for coming to my party" There were cheers from the back "Thank you but if you interrupt again you WILL be shot" The cheers stopped and silence befell the crowd "That’s better now I have a very special announcement to make" Ant looked nervously at Meka who nodded. He started nervously fingering something in his side-pocket "I must leave you now…Goodbye!" He grabbed the GAD of power and vanished from sight, the audience gasped and clapped, all that is, except Kyz who was already running up the dust covered track to find Ant.
Skidding to a halt Kyz reached the house and entered it’s gloomy rooms one by one, searching for Ant.
"You won’t find him young Kyz, he had to leave" Kyz started and turned around to see Meka standing there "but Meka why? And where has he gone?"
"He has gone to a quiet place called the Nintendo forum to live out the rest of his days there. He feels old Kyz… he has left his belongings and this house to you."
"And the GAD?"
"That to he has left for you, there on the floor" Meka pointed to a small envelope on the floor and Kyz picked it up.
"That GAD is evil young Kyz I fear we must destroy it" Kyz muttered something under his breath but Meka couldn’t make it out then Kyz said
"How?"
"We must take it to an evil place where once it was forged… The Microsoft forum" Kyz looked shocked "what must we do then?"
"Cast it into the fiery mountain that is the worlds longest threat attempt, there it will be destroyed" Meka heard a rustling outside and signalled for Kyz to get down. Kyz started dancing and Meka crept up to the window then without warning he pulled a young regular from a small shrub
"Stryke! I should have known it was you!" Meka shouted at the young poster who was Ants gardener "It’s Ok Kyz it’s only Stryke" Kyz stopped dancing and walked over to the pair.
"What did you hear?" Meka demanded
"Oh nuthin much sir only summat bout the end of the world ‘n all" Stryke said shakily "please don’t get me banned!"
"oh no I have a far better use for you!"
And so it came to pass, the two young regulars were to begin their journey…
Chapter 2:
The grass crumpled underfoot as Stryke and Kyz trekked through meadow like fields. Suddenly Stryke stopped and said "If’n I go any further I’ll be further away from home than I’ve ever been"
"oh don’t worry so Stryke, we will be fine" Kyz smiled at Stryke and the two continued on until they heard raised voices.
"Oi you come back ‘ere"
"Run Asher run!"
I’m running as fast a I can Aliboy!" With this two figures stumbled through the clearing in front of Kyz, they were holding some papers and looking over their shoulders for their pursuer.
"You two have been in Pb’s notebook!" Kyz exclaimed
"Well we just wanted some ideas and- RUN!" A scythe was poking out from above the tall grass and, in a fit of fear the young posters ran as fast as they could, not stopping until they fell of a ledge into a tall oak tree leaving them all slightly concust. Kyz stirred as the leaves flew past his head
"Get off the road!" No response "Get of the bleeding road you-" the three got up and saw the black ‘portal’ approaching them. The evil being might have passed if it weren’t for Asher who was playing on his gameboy, upon getting a high score he burst out with
"OH YEA COME ON!!" the dark man (Because that is what was inside the portal) turned and the four pals ran like their lives depended on it (Which they did)
"G-Go to the lake" Aliboy panted pointing to a dark lake with a moored boat on the side. They ran and ran but a root protruding from the ground tripped Kyz and slowed him. The remaining 3 regulars cast of the boat and shouted at Kyz to run and soon he had jumped on leaving the dark man to plunge into the water.
Meka arrived at a large manor surrounded by trees and shrubs.
"Through marshes of the marshes of the east you have come…" Said a disembodied voice, Meka sighed
"Grix I know it’s you" he said and from the bushes stepped a large wizened wizard with a white beard
"Buggerations I thought I had you! Here come inside and have some booze" and so the two men walked into the building talking..
"So I see you have dyed your hair Grix…"
Grix lead Meka into a large room plastered with posters reading ‘Tony rules’ and such.
"I have come to seek your consul"
"you may be too late my old friend"
"How so?"
"The dark lord Tony is gathering power in the west, his influence is being felt over the internet and he is poisoning the minds of men. We shall look in the orb"
"No! You know as well as I that they are not all accounted for people could be watching us" He thrust the cover back over the small orb and saw a black portal in his mind
"Please I have been looking at porn on it for months now!" Grix said getting annoyed now. Meka turned to face him and asked bitterly
"Tell me when did Tony poison your mind?" Grix laughed a high cold laugh
"You think you can defeat the Dark lord!? Join us now and save yourself!" Meka pulled out his staff and shouted
"NEVER!" with that he thrust it at Grix propelling him magically backwards
"So…be…it!" Grix crawled over to a small joystick and from the ceiling came a grabber similar to that in a machine where you win teddies "You have chosen the way of fairly severe PAIN!" Meka was pulled up towards the ceiling hurtling to a spiked roof…
Chapter 3
The rain hammered down on the four boys heads as the walked through the slippery mud. The approached a tall wooden door and knocked loudly on it. A gnarled old man named KR poked his head through a gap
"What do you want about these here parts?" He asked dubiously
"We wish to drink your booze and sleep with your wif- uh women" Kyz replied
"Well the drinkin’ bit bee’s Ok but we have no women bout these parts you see were all gay!" He smiled "But come on in anyway" He opened the gate to let the four small chatters in. Together they walked to a small in called ‘The ginger beer’
At the bar there was another old man serving, Kyz told the others to sit down and went to order drinks.
"Good day sir could you tell Meka we have arrived" Kyz asked
"That old drunk hasn’t been around here for ages young sir" Kyz stood in stunned silence for a moment before shaking his head and ordering 4 beers.
"thank you good sir"
"that’s Ok- Ah time to load up the YMCA CD again" Kyz meandered over to the table as YMCA blared out and everyone started dancing.
After some time, during which 3 pints each where drunk and 3 ‘offers’ for Stryke, Aliboy said
"You see that man over there he has been looking at us for 30 minutes and he isn’t gay because he hasn’t waved once" Stryke and Kyz looked and saw a hooded figure smoking some kind of weed. Asher who was over at the bar ordering another beer when Kyz heard him say
"Yea I know the one who holds the GAD and must destroy it and is in secret taking it to the Microsoft forum. Sure he’s over there!" he pointed towards the table and Kyz ran to him
"You-you fool!" he slipped and the GAD flew from him, he caught it and disappeared in a puff of smoke. He saw blurred shapes and cried out for help but to no avail then, realising it was the GAD he let go and re-entered the land of the visible. A hand grabbed him and thrust him upstairs into a room with an already lit fire.
"That’s a fine magic trick there but you must keep the GAD of power secret, the dark Staffies are already coming for you"
"what did I do?"
"It is not what you did but what you carry"
"What my SR membership card? Because that only cost seven pounds fifty!"
"No they already have one they are after the GAD. They were once Staffies but Tony poisoned their minds now they are neither staffies nor Regulars. They are in they abyss of ‘middle-nes’"
"Can you protect me"
"no one can protect you, I can help you." With that the door burst open and Stryke stood with a table leg
"Get yon filthy hands off him" He shouted shakily
"I will not hurt your friend I am here to help you, but we must move fast"…
Dark feet stampeded on the wet ground, upon reaching the gate they kicked it down. The old man looked out after them and then Loki (seeing he wasn’t dead) ran back and kicked him in the shins. The dark staffies (‘Daffies’ if you will) carried on into the pub and journeyed up to the room. There they pulled out swords and sliced it too pieces.
"Will they find us Er-no?" Kyz asked
"No we must stay here, they crave the ring they are drawn to it’s power always following the one ‘Destroyer’"
Er-no said still looking at the Daffies "Tomorrow we must travel to the land of Sony, there we will consult ‘Pro-Evo’ the Sony overlord"
Chapter 4
Meka regained consciousness and found himself on top of a tall tower surrounded by a city-in-ruins, fire engulfed the buildings and death lay about the streets. He looked out over the distance and saw blue sky. With not a thought for safety he jumped off the tower…
Er-no entered the Sony forum first followed by Kyz then Stryke, Aliboy and Asher. Pro-Evo walked briskly to them and nodded to Er-no
"You have travelled far, rest now and eat, tomorrow we shall review your story"
"I think it should get about 9/10, slightly lacking in substance but still scary" Asher said, the others just stared at him.
Chapter 5
The next morning a meeting was held and the decision was that it was ‘none of their darn business’
"No you must help us" Kyz pleaded after the decision
"The half pint is right we have to help, I am with you young un" Er-no said placing a hand on Kyz’ shoulder
another person stood up called SonicRav "I to will join you on the quest"
"And me" said a stout notable called Goatboy.
"So we have the fellowship, I read that in a book once sounds good doesn’t it? I uh I mean and so the journey begins, now you must kill things and uh do… stuff" said Pro-Evo going red due to his confusion. Without warning the gate to Sony chat burst open and in walked Meka, Kyz ran to him and hugged him around his midriff "Oh Meka it’s good to see you"
"It’s good to see you too little one but you really are hurting me" Kyz let go quickly and Meka said "Now Grix Thraves the white has turned sides, he is no longer allied to the forums. We must make haste if we wish not for Tony or the Daffies to find us"…
And so it was, the fellowship created they set off for the land of Microsoft.
Kyz looked at the sword Ant had given him, he saw its many intricate markings and remembered what he had been told ‘Now you be careful young Kyz when that glows fluorescent pink there are JATs nearby’ he thought of Ant staying at the Sony forum living out his days in peace.
"Come on we must travel swiftly and avoid Tony’s wrath" Meka called down to him.
"We should travel through the Sega forum" Said SonicRav
"Indeed that is the quickest way but we may not be greeted so warmly as you think master Sonic" Meka replied
"My cousin rules up there we are guaranteed a warm meal and welcome" Sonic said clearly determined to go through Sega
"Very well, we shall set our course west through the caves of Sega" Said Meka programming his PDA for this change.
Though mountains and hills they travelled until they reached the caves of Sega…
Chapter 6
They entered the caves Meka leading his staff on fire so as to light the way. There were dead bodies littered everywhere and SonicRav couldn’t hide his grief
"NOOO!!" Meka slapped him and then Er-no said "The evil beings that did this are still here, we must slip past them unnoticed" (A orchestra play the theme to lord of the rings)
"Oh no we are bound to be found with that blaring out" Goatboy said and the music stopped. They carried on up a flight of stairs Aliboy still playing on his gameboy and Asher listening to his Mini-disc player.
"Quiet" Er-no said listening hard
"WHAT?" Asher shouted "YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP!" Suddenly an arrow flew at them from afar, SonicRav picked it up and said
"This is the arrow of a JAT you can tell because they have written ‘ARRER’ on the side in purple crayon and the spike is round, we must hurry now there is a pass out of here" He stopped "That way" he pointed to a large bridge of stone and they ran. They were nearly across when a huge JAT demon flared up from the middle just behind Meka who was last
" Go I’ll hold him off for a while, go!" The others ran and Meka said to the demon "You cant pass, buggerations off" then he was running as fast as he could but before he could reach the end he had slipped off.
Outside Kyz and the other regulars had broken down into tears, Er-no looked on forlornly
"We shall camp here tonight, but tomorrow we must move"
Chapter 7
Day broke and the fellowship set off once more, this time subdued and silence was common on the trip. They reached a large river of which they needed to cross to reach Microsoft. The ground began to shake underfoot and trees tremble, a cup of coffee which Asher was conveniently holding started to shake too.
"JATs" Goatboy said nervously "you two stay here we will go and see to them" He pointed at Kyz and Stryke and then ran to face the JATs with his friends. Er-no hurtled into the action sword slicing at anything it came into contact with. SonicRav took out his Bow and arrow and fired from afar, slaying any which beast that crept up behind his companions. Goatboy took out his battle-axe and pulverised anything that got in his way, but whilst all of this was going on a JAT had silently sneaked up on Asher and Aliboy and taken them from their safe spot…Back to the land of evil. Sonic saw this from his perch up high and signalled to Er-no. With this one change the battle reached a new level of intensity the desperate need to finish it overwhelming the fellowship.
"Can you hear them Stryke?" Kyz asked from outside
"Yea sounds like a slaughter"
"We have to leave lest we loose the chance"
"but Mr Kyz they told us to stay here"
"They didn’t intend on any of this Stryke, if you wish to stay so be it but I am going" Kyz made to moor off the canoe on the river side then Stryke said "Mr Kyz"
"Yes?"
"…Wait for me!"
The two friends sailed off to the land of Microsoft and the 3 warriors, having slain the JAT army and after realising what Kyz had done had gone after Asher and Aliboy, their part in the tale was not over…
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Thanks for reading my first Spoof.
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Prologue
A long time ago 3 GADs were set in the pages of history together these would have the power to govern all of SR, but far in the east there was a dark lord ‘TONY!’ secretly he forged another GAD this could rule them all, having naught but the power… to destroy!
A great battle once reigned between staffies and members and in this when all hope seemed lost, when all courage was gone it happened the ring was parted from its master by the battle warrior Aliboy. Through the years he carried the ring but the ring, knowing only lies and deceit poisoned his mind and slowly he became obsessed with winning. Then when he was at his darkest, most fated and yet most powerful he was struck down and the ring lost.
For many years the ring lay dormant until one, fateful day the creature ‘Savo’ recovered it from its riverbed grave. Savo took in into the vast forums of stories where he would not be found, but he was…
Ant stumbled down the forums cave-like caverns of abyss and landed in a small dust pile. From the glimmer emanating from the water he could see the silhouetted shape of the grotesque Savo crouched over stroking his hands
"My…PRECIOUS… they won’t take you away, we won you we did, your ours for good," Ant observed this strange creature for a while until Savo dropped it, he dropped the GAD of power and it fell, through the mist and dust, through water and mud right into the path of Ant who pocketed the GAD and exited the forum…
Chapter 1
The feet of JATs smacked along the link to the forums as they pulled an aged notable called Meka Dragon the white. The trees blossomed and shed their light upon Meka’s back as he passed under their bows, smiling to himself and breathing in the fresh FOG prime air.
"Meka! Meka!" it was young Kyz running, beaming through the tall green grass, he jumped onto the cart crippling one of the JATs nearest him "you, Meka, are late!"
"A notable is never late young Kyz" Meka replied clouting Kyz around the head.
"Ouch. Oh Meka it’s good to see you" Kyz said rubbing his head then seeing the smile on Meka’s face "Please don’t hit me!" Meka laughed
" Oh young Kyz the first rule of uh notablism is don’t be afraid" and with that belted Kyz on the stomach. Together the continued laughing, talking of times past and events missed and gaining on the small forum called FOG prime.
Young JATs ran and skipped in front of Meka’s cart much to the notables delight, he smiled pleasantly as the pulled out a bat and began hitting them, some went down first shot and others tripped onto the dust crying. This amused Meka in a kind of mild bemusement, how could they be such wusses? He decided this wasn’t important and started asking Kyz of his old uncle Ant
"Ah he’s been well Mr Meka, he’s celebrating his tenty fifth birthday this year"
" Tell me again young Kyz how old is tenty five, I never quite know these new fangled FOG words"
"Oh its quite simple really he’s ten plus five- tenty five, so that makes him fifteen" Meka looked shocked at this news "fifteen, fifteen! Buggerations Kyz that’s old for a regular isn’t it!?"
"Yes Mr Meka" Kyz said proudly "oldest in SR history if’n I’m not mistaken"
The cart carried on up a hill and Meka decided that Kyz had been lazy enough for one day and threw him out of the cart
"Ouch oh ya buggerations! BY MR MEKA" Kyz shouted to the rising dust which was Meka’s cart.
The small wooden door creaked as Meka opened it and from inside the houses depth came "Oi get out of my house or I’ll um kill ya!" Meka laughed inwardly
"What about old notable friends" He waited then he heard the pattering of footsteps upon the floor and Ant ran in and hugged the notables midriff.
" Oh it’s good to see you my old friend. Meka the grey! Why I remember when you and I secretly tried to steal the wench mobile from Gerrid"
"Yes, haha we got a thrashing that day, but who’d of known that they liked it that much!?" The two friends walked into a small living room Meka cascading into the roof in his effort to sit down.
"So tenty five eh my old friend?"
"Yes we are having a party in the forums tonight I do believe we have fireworks to"
"Ah that’ll keep them all amused. Tell me is there anything you want to say to me?"
"Meka I feel old! I feel that no longer do I belong here, in this place of games I-I feel bored…"
"What of young Kyz?" inquired Meka in a concerned tone
"Ah he is too young to go Meka, for him FOG is still his home. I shall leave him this house and all that lies within it… except maybe that charming toilet roll holder, that was adorable don’t you think?"
"Yes that was lovely wasn’t it? I think you should keep that. Uh I mean ‘That isn’t important now Ant you must tell Kyz your plans"
"Oh no Meka I mustn’t do that you see he, a young regular aspiring to some kind of success needs an idol and I must be here for that"
"That is very noble of you Ant"
"Yes I must be here to decide his role model for him" Meka looked confused once more but brushed this off by eating a large slice of fruitcake.
Fireworks burst in the air leaving bright colours against the black night sky of the little forum. Regulars, Newbies and notables alike joined in the celebrations. Microchips and Mojojojo read aloud their spoofs, Kyz for the first time at a party of this magnitude read out some cheats and PB walked giving his opinion. Everybody was happy enjoying the festivities when Ant tapped on his glass and sent it flying into the lake.
"People of FOG thank you all for coming to my party" There were cheers from the back "Thank you but if you interrupt again you WILL be shot" The cheers stopped and silence befell the crowd "That’s better now I have a very special announcement to make" Ant looked nervously at Meka who nodded. He started nervously fingering something in his side-pocket "I must leave you now…Goodbye!" He grabbed the GAD of power and vanished from sight, the audience gasped and clapped, all that is, except Kyz who was already running up the dust covered track to find Ant.
Skidding to a halt Kyz reached the house and entered it’s gloomy rooms one by one, searching for Ant.
"You won’t find him young Kyz, he had to leave" Kyz started and turned around to see Meka standing there "but Meka why? And where has he gone?"
"He has gone to a quiet place called the Nintendo forum to live out the rest of his days there. He feels old Kyz… he has left his belongings and this house to you."
"And the GAD?"
"That to he has left for you, there on the floor" Meka pointed to a small envelope on the floor and Kyz picked it up.
"That GAD is evil young Kyz I fear we must destroy it" Kyz muttered something under his breath but Meka couldn’t make it out then Kyz said
"How?"
"We must take it to an evil place where once it was forged… The Microsoft forum" Kyz looked shocked "what must we do then?"
"Cast it into the fiery mountain that is the worlds longest threat attempt, there it will be destroyed" Meka heard a rustling outside and signalled for Kyz to get down. Kyz started dancing and Meka crept up to the window then without warning he pulled a young regular from a small shrub
"Stryke! I should have known it was you!" Meka shouted at the young poster who was Ants gardener "It’s Ok Kyz it’s only Stryke" Kyz stopped dancing and walked over to the pair.
"What did you hear?" Meka demanded
"Oh nuthin much sir only summat bout the end of the world ‘n all" Stryke said shakily "please don’t get me banned!"
"oh no I have a far better use for you!"
And so it came to pass, the two young regulars were to begin their journey…
Chapter 2:
The grass crumpled underfoot as Stryke and Kyz trekked through meadow like fields. Suddenly Stryke stopped and said "If’n I go any further I’ll be further away from home than I’ve ever been"
"oh don’t worry so Stryke, we will be fine" Kyz smiled at Stryke and the two continued on until they heard raised voices.
"Oi you come back ‘ere"
"Run Asher run!"
I’m running as fast a I can Aliboy!" With this two figures stumbled through the clearing in front of Kyz, they were holding some papers and looking over their shoulders for their pursuer.
"You two have been in Pb’s notebook!" Kyz exclaimed
"Well we just wanted some ideas and- RUN!" A scythe was poking out from above the tall grass and, in a fit of fear the young posters ran as fast as they could, not stopping until they fell of a ledge into a tall oak tree leaving them all slightly concust. Kyz stirred as the leaves flew past his head
"Get off the road!" No response "Get of the bleeding road you-" the three got up and saw the black ‘portal’ approaching them. The evil being might have passed if it weren’t for Asher who was playing on his gameboy, upon getting a high score he burst out with
"OH YEA COME ON!!" the dark man (Because that is what was inside the portal) turned and the four pals ran like their lives depended on it (Which they did)
"G-Go to the lake" Aliboy panted pointing to a dark lake with a moored boat on the side. They ran and ran but a root protruding from the ground tripped Kyz and slowed him. The remaining 3 regulars cast of the boat and shouted at Kyz to run and soon he had jumped on leaving the dark man to plunge into the water.
Meka arrived at a large manor surrounded by trees and shrubs.
"Through marshes of the marshes of the east you have come…" Said a disembodied voice, Meka sighed
"Grix I know it’s you" he said and from the bushes stepped a large wizened wizard with a white beard
"Buggerations I thought I had you! Here come inside and have some booze" and so the two men walked into the building talking..
"So I see you have dyed your hair Grix…"
Grix lead Meka into a large room plastered with posters reading ‘Tony rules’ and such.
"I have come to seek your consul"
"you may be too late my old friend"
"How so?"
"The dark lord Tony is gathering power in the west, his influence is being felt over the internet and he is poisoning the minds of men. We shall look in the orb"
"No! You know as well as I that they are not all accounted for people could be watching us" He thrust the cover back over the small orb and saw a black portal in his mind
"Please I have been looking at porn on it for months now!" Grix said getting annoyed now. Meka turned to face him and asked bitterly
"Tell me when did Tony poison your mind?" Grix laughed a high cold laugh
"You think you can defeat the Dark lord!? Join us now and save yourself!" Meka pulled out his staff and shouted
"NEVER!" with that he thrust it at Grix propelling him magically backwards
"So…be…it!" Grix crawled over to a small joystick and from the ceiling came a grabber similar to that in a machine where you win teddies "You have chosen the way of fairly severe PAIN!" Meka was pulled up towards the ceiling hurtling to a spiked roof…
Chapter 3
The rain hammered down on the four boys heads as the walked through the slippery mud. The approached a tall wooden door and knocked loudly on it. A gnarled old man named KR poked his head through a gap
"What do you want about these here parts?" He asked dubiously
"We wish to drink your booze and sleep with your wif- uh women" Kyz replied
"Well the drinkin’ bit bee’s Ok but we have no women bout these parts you see were all gay!" He smiled "But come on in anyway" He opened the gate to let the four small chatters in. Together they walked to a small in called ‘The ginger beer’
At the bar there was another old man serving, Kyz told the others to sit down and went to order drinks.
"Good day sir could you tell Meka we have arrived" Kyz asked
"That old drunk hasn’t been around here for ages young sir" Kyz stood in stunned silence for a moment before shaking his head and ordering 4 beers.
"thank you good sir"
"that’s Ok- Ah time to load up the YMCA CD again" Kyz meandered over to the table as YMCA blared out and everyone started dancing.
After some time, during which 3 pints each where drunk and 3 ‘offers’ for Stryke, Aliboy said
"You see that man over there he has been looking at us for 30 minutes and he isn’t gay because he hasn’t waved once" Stryke and Kyz looked and saw a hooded figure smoking some kind of weed. Asher who was over at the bar ordering another beer when Kyz heard him say
"Yea I know the one who holds the GAD and must destroy it and is in secret taking it to the Microsoft forum. Sure he’s over there!" he pointed towards the table and Kyz ran to him
"You-you fool!" he slipped and the GAD flew from him, he caught it and disappeared in a puff of smoke. He saw blurred shapes and cried out for help but to no avail then, realising it was the GAD he let go and re-entered the land of the visible. A hand grabbed him and thrust him upstairs into a room with an already lit fire.
"That’s a fine magic trick there but you must keep the GAD of power secret, the dark Staffies are already coming for you"
"what did I do?"
"It is not what you did but what you carry"
"What my SR membership card? Because that only cost seven pounds fifty!"
"No they already have one they are after the GAD. They were once Staffies but Tony poisoned their minds now they are neither staffies nor Regulars. They are in they abyss of ‘middle-nes’"
"Can you protect me"
"no one can protect you, I can help you." With that the door burst open and Stryke stood with a table leg
"Get yon filthy hands off him" He shouted shakily
"I will not hurt your friend I am here to help you, but we must move fast"…
Dark feet stampeded on the wet ground, upon reaching the gate they kicked it down. The old man looked out after them and then Loki (seeing he wasn’t dead) ran back and kicked him in the shins. The dark staffies (‘Daffies’ if you will) carried on into the pub and journeyed up to the room. There they pulled out swords and sliced it too pieces.
"Will they find us Er-no?" Kyz asked
"No we must stay here, they crave the ring they are drawn to it’s power always following the one ‘Destroyer’"
Er-no said still looking at the Daffies "Tomorrow we must travel to the land of Sony, there we will consult ‘Pro-Evo’ the Sony overlord"
Chapter 4
Meka regained consciousness and found himself on top of a tall tower surrounded by a city-in-ruins, fire engulfed the buildings and death lay about the streets. He looked out over the distance and saw blue sky. With not a thought for safety he jumped off the tower…
Er-no entered the Sony forum first followed by Kyz then Stryke, Aliboy and Asher. Pro-Evo walked briskly to them and nodded to Er-no
"You have travelled far, rest now and eat, tomorrow we shall review your story"
"I think it should get about 9/10, slightly lacking in substance but still scary" Asher said, the others just stared at him.
Chapter 5
The next morning a meeting was held and the decision was that it was ‘none of their darn business’
"No you must help us" Kyz pleaded after the decision
"The half pint is right we have to help, I am with you young un" Er-no said placing a hand on Kyz’ shoulder
another person stood up called SonicRav "I to will join you on the quest"
"And me" said a stout notable called Goatboy.
"So we have the fellowship, I read that in a book once sounds good doesn’t it? I uh I mean and so the journey begins, now you must kill things and uh do… stuff" said Pro-Evo going red due to his confusion. Without warning the gate to Sony chat burst open and in walked Meka, Kyz ran to him and hugged him around his midriff "Oh Meka it’s good to see you"
"It’s good to see you too little one but you really are hurting me" Kyz let go quickly and Meka said "Now Grix Thraves the white has turned sides, he is no longer allied to the forums. We must make haste if we wish not for Tony or the Daffies to find us"…
And so it was, the fellowship created they set off for the land of Microsoft.
Kyz looked at the sword Ant had given him, he saw its many intricate markings and remembered what he had been told ‘Now you be careful young Kyz when that glows fluorescent pink there are JATs nearby’ he thought of Ant staying at the Sony forum living out his days in peace.
"Come on we must travel swiftly and avoid Tony’s wrath" Meka called down to him.
"We should travel through the Sega forum" Said SonicRav
"Indeed that is the quickest way but we may not be greeted so warmly as you think master Sonic" Meka replied
"My cousin rules up there we are guaranteed a warm meal and welcome" Sonic said clearly determined to go through Sega
"Very well, we shall set our course west through the caves of Sega" Said Meka programming his PDA for this change.
Though mountains and hills they travelled until they reached the caves of Sega…
Chapter 6
They entered the caves Meka leading his staff on fire so as to light the way. There were dead bodies littered everywhere and SonicRav couldn’t hide his grief
"NOOO!!" Meka slapped him and then Er-no said "The evil beings that did this are still here, we must slip past them unnoticed" (A orchestra play the theme to lord of the rings)
"Oh no we are bound to be found with that blaring out" Goatboy said and the music stopped. They carried on up a flight of stairs Aliboy still playing on his gameboy and Asher listening to his Mini-disc player.
"Quiet" Er-no said listening hard
"WHAT?" Asher shouted "YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP!" Suddenly an arrow flew at them from afar, SonicRav picked it up and said
"This is the arrow of a JAT you can tell because they have written ‘ARRER’ on the side in purple crayon and the spike is round, we must hurry now there is a pass out of here" He stopped "That way" he pointed to a large bridge of stone and they ran. They were nearly across when a huge JAT demon flared up from the middle just behind Meka who was last
" Go I’ll hold him off for a while, go!" The others ran and Meka said to the demon "You cant pass, buggerations off" then he was running as fast as he could but before he could reach the end he had slipped off.
Outside Kyz and the other regulars had broken down into tears, Er-no looked on forlornly
"We shall camp here tonight, but tomorrow we must move"
Chapter 7
Day broke and the fellowship set off once more, this time subdued and silence was common on the trip. They reached a large river of which they needed to cross to reach Microsoft. The ground began to shake underfoot and trees tremble, a cup of coffee which Asher was conveniently holding started to shake too.
"JATs" Goatboy said nervously "you two stay here we will go and see to them" He pointed at Kyz and Stryke and then ran to face the JATs with his friends. Er-no hurtled into the action sword slicing at anything it came into contact with. SonicRav took out his Bow and arrow and fired from afar, slaying any which beast that crept up behind his companions. Goatboy took out his battle-axe and pulverised anything that got in his way, but whilst all of this was going on a JAT had silently sneaked up on Asher and Aliboy and taken them from their safe spot…Back to the land of evil. Sonic saw this from his perch up high and signalled to Er-no. With this one change the battle reached a new level of intensity the desperate need to finish it overwhelming the fellowship.
"Can you hear them Stryke?" Kyz asked from outside
"Yea sounds like a slaughter"
"We have to leave lest we loose the chance"
"but Mr Kyz they told us to stay here"
"They didn’t intend on any of this Stryke, if you wish to stay so be it but I am going" Kyz made to moor off the canoe on the river side then Stryke said "Mr Kyz"
"Yes?"
"…Wait for me!"
The two friends sailed off to the land of Microsoft and the 3 warriors, having slain the JAT army and after realising what Kyz had done had gone after Asher and Aliboy, their part in the tale was not over…
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Thanks for reading my first Spoof.
Page:
You need to get your facts right. Good try though.
This is a spoof but like Drunk's it is more action. This is my first real try so i hope you like it.
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Prologue
A long time ago 3 GADs were set in the pages of history together these would have the power to govern all of SR, but far in the east there was a dark lord ‘TONY!’ secretly he forged another GAD this could rule them all, having naught but the power… to destroy!
A great battle once reigned between staffies and members and in this when all hope seemed lost, when all courage was gone it happened the ring was parted from its master by the battle warrior Aliboy. Through the years he carried the ring but the ring, knowing only lies and deceit poisoned his mind and slowly he became obsessed with winning. Then when he was at his darkest, most fated and yet most powerful he was struck down and the ring lost.
For many years the ring lay dormant until one, fateful day the creature ‘Savo’ recovered it from its riverbed grave. Savo took in into the vast forums of stories where he would not be found, but he was…
Ant stumbled down the forums cave-like caverns of abyss and landed in a small dust pile. From the glimmer emanating from the water he could see the silhouetted shape of the grotesque Savo crouched over stroking his hands
"My…PRECIOUS… they won’t take you away, we won you we did, your ours for good," Ant observed this strange creature for a while until Savo dropped it, he dropped the GAD of power and it fell, through the mist and dust, through water and mud right into the path of Ant who pocketed the GAD and exited the forum…
Chapter 1
The feet of JATs smacked along the link to the forums as they pulled an aged notable called Meka Dragon the white. The trees blossomed and shed their light upon Meka’s back as he passed under their bows, smiling to himself and breathing in the fresh FOG prime air.
"Meka! Meka!" it was young Kyz running, beaming through the tall green grass, he jumped onto the cart crippling one of the JATs nearest him "you, Meka, are late!"
"A notable is never late young Kyz" Meka replied clouting Kyz around the head.
"Ouch. Oh Meka it’s good to see you" Kyz said rubbing his head then seeing the smile on Meka’s face "Please don’t hit me!" Meka laughed
" Oh young Kyz the first rule of uh notablism is don’t be afraid" and with that belted Kyz on the stomach. Together the continued laughing, talking of times past and events missed and gaining on the small forum called FOG prime.
Young JATs ran and skipped in front of Meka’s cart much to the notables delight, he smiled pleasantly as the pulled out a bat and began hitting them, some went down first shot and others tripped onto the dust crying. This amused Meka in a kind of mild bemusement, how could they be such wusses? He decided this wasn’t important and started asking Kyz of his old uncle Ant
"Ah he’s been well Mr Meka, he’s celebrating his tenty fifth birthday this year"
" Tell me again young Kyz how old is tenty five, I never quite know these new fangled FOG words"
"Oh its quite simple really he’s ten plus five- tenty five, so that makes him fifteen" Meka looked shocked at this news "fifteen, fifteen! Buggerations Kyz that’s old for a regular isn’t it!?"
"Yes Mr Meka" Kyz said proudly "oldest in SR history if’n I’m not mistaken"
The cart carried on up a hill and Meka decided that Kyz had been lazy enough for one day and threw him out of the cart
"Ouch oh ya buggerations! BY MR MEKA" Kyz shouted to the rising dust which was Meka’s cart.
The small wooden door creaked as Meka opened it and from inside the houses depth came "Oi get out of my house or I’ll um kill ya!" Meka laughed inwardly
"What about old notable friends" He waited then he heard the pattering of footsteps upon the floor and Ant ran in and hugged the notables midriff.
" Oh it’s good to see you my old friend. Meka the grey! Why I remember when you and I secretly tried to steal the wench mobile from Gerrid"
"Yes, haha we got a thrashing that day, but who’d of known that they liked it that much!?" The two friends walked into a small living room Meka cascading into the roof in his effort to sit down.
"So tenty five eh my old friend?"
"Yes we are having a party in the forums tonight I do believe we have fireworks to"
"Ah that’ll keep them all amused. Tell me is there anything you want to say to me?"
"Meka I feel old! I feel that no longer do I belong here, in this place of games I-I feel bored…"
"What of young Kyz?" inquired Meka in a concerned tone
"Ah he is too young to go Meka, for him FOG is still his home. I shall leave him this house and all that lies within it… except maybe that charming toilet roll holder, that was adorable don’t you think?"
"Yes that was lovely wasn’t it? I think you should keep that. Uh I mean ‘That isn’t important now Ant you must tell Kyz your plans"
"Oh no Meka I mustn’t do that you see he, a young regular aspiring to some kind of success needs an idol and I must be here for that"
"That is very noble of you Ant"
"Yes I must be here to decide his role model for him" Meka looked confused once more but brushed this off by eating a large slice of fruitcake.
Fireworks burst in the air leaving bright colours against the black night sky of the little forum. Regulars, Newbies and notables alike joined in the celebrations. Microchips and Mojojojo read aloud their spoofs, Kyz for the first time at a party of this magnitude read out some cheats and PB walked giving his opinion. Everybody was happy enjoying the festivities when Ant tapped on his glass and sent it flying into the lake.
"People of FOG thank you all for coming to my party" There were cheers from the back "Thank you but if you interrupt again you WILL be shot" The cheers stopped and silence befell the crowd "That’s better now I have a very special announcement to make" Ant looked nervously at Meka who nodded. He started nervously fingering something in his side-pocket "I must leave you now…Goodbye!" He grabbed the GAD of power and vanished from sight, the audience gasped and clapped, all that is, except Kyz who was already running up the dust covered track to find Ant.
Skidding to a halt Kyz reached the house and entered it’s gloomy rooms one by one, searching for Ant.
"You won’t find him young Kyz, he had to leave" Kyz started and turned around to see Meka standing there "but Meka why? And where has he gone?"
"He has gone to a quiet place called the Nintendo forum to live out the rest of his days there. He feels old Kyz… he has left his belongings and this house to you."
"And the GAD?"
"That to he has left for you, there on the floor" Meka pointed to a small envelope on the floor and Kyz picked it up.
"That GAD is evil young Kyz I fear we must destroy it" Kyz muttered something under his breath but Meka couldn’t make it out then Kyz said
"How?"
"We must take it to an evil place where once it was forged… The Microsoft forum" Kyz looked shocked "what must we do then?"
"Cast it into the fiery mountain that is the worlds longest threat attempt, there it will be destroyed" Meka heard a rustling outside and signalled for Kyz to get down. Kyz started dancing and Meka crept up to the window then without warning he pulled a young regular from a small shrub
"Stryke! I should have known it was you!" Meka shouted at the young poster who was Ants gardener "It’s Ok Kyz it’s only Stryke" Kyz stopped dancing and walked over to the pair.
"What did you hear?" Meka demanded
"Oh nuthin much sir only summat bout the end of the world ‘n all" Stryke said shakily "please don’t get me banned!"
"oh no I have a far better use for you!"
And so it came to pass, the two young regulars were to begin their journey…
Chapter 2:
The grass crumpled underfoot as Stryke and Kyz trekked through meadow like fields. Suddenly Stryke stopped and said "If’n I go any further I’ll be further away from home than I’ve ever been"
"oh don’t worry so Stryke, we will be fine" Kyz smiled at Stryke and the two continued on until they heard raised voices.
"Oi you come back ‘ere"
"Run Asher run!"
I’m running as fast a I can Aliboy!" With this two figures stumbled through the clearing in front of Kyz, they were holding some papers and looking over their shoulders for their pursuer.
"You two have been in Pb’s notebook!" Kyz exclaimed
"Well we just wanted some ideas and- RUN!" A scythe was poking out from above the tall grass and, in a fit of fear the young posters ran as fast as they could, not stopping until they fell of a ledge into a tall oak tree leaving them all slightly concust. Kyz stirred as the leaves flew past his head
"Get off the road!" No response "Get of the bleeding road you-" the three got up and saw the black ‘portal’ approaching them. The evil being might have passed if it weren’t for Asher who was playing on his gameboy, upon getting a high score he burst out with
"OH YEA COME ON!!" the dark man (Because that is what was inside the portal) turned and the four pals ran like their lives depended on it (Which they did)
"G-Go to the lake" Aliboy panted pointing to a dark lake with a moored boat on the side. They ran and ran but a root protruding from the ground tripped Kyz and slowed him. The remaining 3 regulars cast of the boat and shouted at Kyz to run and soon he had jumped on leaving the dark man to plunge into the water.
Meka arrived at a large manor surrounded by trees and shrubs.
"Through marshes of the marshes of the east you have come…" Said a disembodied voice, Meka sighed
"Grix I know it’s you" he said and from the bushes stepped a large wizened wizard with a white beard
"Buggerations I thought I had you! Here come inside and have some booze" and so the two men walked into the building talking..
"So I see you have dyed your hair Grix…"
Grix lead Meka into a large room plastered with posters reading ‘Tony rules’ and such.
"I have come to seek your consul"
"you may be too late my old friend"
"How so?"
"The dark lord Tony is gathering power in the west, his influence is being felt over the internet and he is poisoning the minds of men. We shall look in the orb"
"No! You know as well as I that they are not all accounted for people could be watching us" He thrust the cover back over the small orb and saw a black portal in his mind
"Please I have been looking at porn on it for months now!" Grix said getting annoyed now. Meka turned to face him and asked bitterly
"Tell me when did Tony poison your mind?" Grix laughed a high cold laugh
"You think you can defeat the Dark lord!? Join us now and save yourself!" Meka pulled out his staff and shouted
"NEVER!" with that he thrust it at Grix propelling him magically backwards
"So…be…it!" Grix crawled over to a small joystick and from the ceiling came a grabber similar to that in a machine where you win teddies "You have chosen the way of fairly severe PAIN!" Meka was pulled up towards the ceiling hurtling to a spiked roof…
Chapter 3
The rain hammered down on the four boys heads as the walked through the slippery mud. The approached a tall wooden door and knocked loudly on it. A gnarled old man named KR poked his head through a gap
"What do you want about these here parts?" He asked dubiously
"We wish to drink your booze and sleep with your wif- uh women" Kyz replied
"Well the drinkin’ bit bee’s Ok but we have no women bout these parts you see were all gay!" He smiled "But come on in anyway" He opened the gate to let the four small chatters in. Together they walked to a small in called ‘The ginger beer’
At the bar there was another old man serving, Kyz told the others to sit down and went to order drinks.
"Good day sir could you tell Meka we have arrived" Kyz asked
"That old drunk hasn’t been around here for ages young sir" Kyz stood in stunned silence for a moment before shaking his head and ordering 4 beers.
"thank you good sir"
"that’s Ok- Ah time to load up the YMCA CD again" Kyz meandered over to the table as YMCA blared out and everyone started dancing.
After some time, during which 3 pints each where drunk and 3 ‘offers’ for Stryke, Aliboy said
"You see that man over there he has been looking at us for 30 minutes and he isn’t gay because he hasn’t waved once" Stryke and Kyz looked and saw a hooded figure smoking some kind of weed. Asher who was over at the bar ordering another beer when Kyz heard him say
"Yea I know the one who holds the GAD and must destroy it and is in secret taking it to the Microsoft forum. Sure he’s over there!" he pointed towards the table and Kyz ran to him
"You-you fool!" he slipped and the GAD flew from him, he caught it and disappeared in a puff of smoke. He saw blurred shapes and cried out for help but to no avail then, realising it was the GAD he let go and re-entered the land of the visible. A hand grabbed him and thrust him upstairs into a room with an already lit fire.
"That’s a fine magic trick there but you must keep the GAD of power secret, the dark Staffies are already coming for you"
"what did I do?"
"It is not what you did but what you carry"
"What my SR membership card? Because that only cost seven pounds fifty!"
"No they already have one they are after the GAD. They were once Staffies but Tony poisoned their minds now they are neither staffies nor Regulars. They are in they abyss of ‘middle-nes’"
"Can you protect me"
"no one can protect you, I can help you." With that the door burst open and Stryke stood with a table leg
"Get yon filthy hands off him" He shouted shakily
"I will not hurt your friend I am here to help you, but we must move fast"…
Dark feet stampeded on the wet ground, upon reaching the gate they kicked it down. The old man looked out after them and then Loki (seeing he wasn’t dead) ran back and kicked him in the shins. The dark staffies (‘Daffies’ if you will) carried on into the pub and journeyed up to the room. There they pulled out swords and sliced it too pieces.
"Will they find us Er-no?" Kyz asked
"No we must stay here, they crave the ring they are drawn to it’s power always following the one ‘Destroyer’"
Er-no said still looking at the Daffies "Tomorrow we must travel to the land of Sony, there we will consult ‘Pro-Evo’ the Sony overlord"
Chapter 4
Meka regained consciousness and found himself on top of a tall tower surrounded by a city-in-ruins, fire engulfed the buildings and death lay about the streets. He looked out over the distance and saw blue sky. With not a thought for safety he jumped off the tower…
Er-no entered the Sony forum first followed by Kyz then Stryke, Aliboy and Asher. Pro-Evo walked briskly to them and nodded to Er-no
"You have travelled far, rest now and eat, tomorrow we shall review your story"
"I think it should get about 9/10, slightly lacking in substance but still scary" Asher said, the others just stared at him.
Chapter 5
The next morning a meeting was held and the decision was that it was ‘none of their darn business’
"No you must help us" Kyz pleaded after the decision
"The half pint is right we have to help, I am with you young un" Er-no said placing a hand on Kyz’ shoulder
another person stood up called SonicRav "I to will join you on the quest"
"And me" said a stout notable called Goatboy.
"So we have the fellowship, I read that in a book once sounds good doesn’t it? I uh I mean and so the journey begins, now you must kill things and uh do… stuff" said Pro-Evo going red due to his confusion. Without warning the gate to Sony chat burst open and in walked Meka, Kyz ran to him and hugged him around his midriff "Oh Meka it’s good to see you"
"It’s good to see you too little one but you really are hurting me" Kyz let go quickly and Meka said "Now Grix Thraves the white has turned sides, he is no longer allied to the forums. We must make haste if we wish not for Tony or the Daffies to find us"…
And so it was, the fellowship created they set off for the land of Microsoft.
Kyz looked at the sword Ant had given him, he saw its many intricate markings and remembered what he had been told ‘Now you be careful young Kyz when that glows fluorescent pink there are JATs nearby’ he thought of Ant staying at the Sony forum living out his days in peace.
"Come on we must travel swiftly and avoid Tony’s wrath" Meka called down to him.
"We should travel through the Sega forum" Said SonicRav
"Indeed that is the quickest way but we may not be greeted so warmly as you think master Sonic" Meka replied
"My cousin rules up there we are guaranteed a warm meal and welcome" Sonic said clearly determined to go through Sega
"Very well, we shall set our course west through the caves of Sega" Said Meka programming his PDA for this change.
Though mountains and hills they travelled until they reached the caves of Sega…
Chapter 6
They entered the caves Meka leading his staff on fire so as to light the way. There were dead bodies littered everywhere and SonicRav couldn’t hide his grief
"NOOO!!" Meka slapped him and then Er-no said "The evil beings that did this are still here, we must slip past them unnoticed" (A orchestra play the theme to lord of the rings)
"Oh no we are bound to be found with that blaring out" Goatboy said and the music stopped. They carried on up a flight of stairs Aliboy still playing on his gameboy and Asher listening to his Mini-disc player.
"Quiet" Er-no said listening hard
"WHAT?" Asher shouted "YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP!" Suddenly an arrow flew at them from afar, SonicRav picked it up and said
"This is the arrow of a JAT you can tell because they have written ‘ARRER’ on the side in purple crayon and the spike is round, we must hurry now there is a pass out of here" He stopped "That way" he pointed to a large bridge of stone and they ran. They were nearly across when a huge JAT demon flared up from the middle just behind Meka who was last
" Go I’ll hold him off for a while, go!" The others ran and Meka said to the demon "You cant pass, buggerations off" then he was running as fast as he could but before he could reach the end he had slipped off.
Outside Kyz and the other regulars had broken down into tears, Er-no looked on forlornly
"We shall camp here tonight, but tomorrow we must move"
Chapter 7
Day broke and the fellowship set off once more, this time subdued and silence was common on the trip. They reached a large river of which they needed to cross to reach Microsoft. The ground began to shake underfoot and trees tremble, a cup of coffee which Asher was conveniently holding started to shake too.
"JATs" Goatboy said nervously "you two stay here we will go and see to them" He pointed at Kyz and Stryke and then ran to face the JATs with his friends. Er-no hurtled into the action sword slicing at anything it came into contact with. SonicRav took out his Bow and arrow and fired from afar, slaying any which beast that crept up behind his companions. Goatboy took out his battle-axe and pulverised anything that got in his way, but whilst all of this was going on a JAT had silently sneaked up on Asher and Aliboy and taken them from their safe spot…Back to the land of evil. Sonic saw this from his perch up high and signalled to Er-no. With this one change the battle reached a new level of intensity the desperate need to finish it overwhelming the fellowship.
"Can you hear them Stryke?" Kyz asked from outside
"Yea sounds like a slaughter"
"We have to leave lest we loose the chance"
"but Mr Kyz they told us to stay here"
"They didn’t intend on any of this Stryke, if you wish to stay so be it but I am going" Kyz made to moor off the canoe on the river side then Stryke said "Mr Kyz"
"Yes?"
"…Wait for me!"
The two friends sailed off to the land of Microsoft and the 3 warriors, having slain the JAT army and after realising what Kyz had done had gone after Asher and Aliboy, their part in the tale was not over…
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Thanks for reading my first Spoof.
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Prologue
A long time ago 3 GADs were set in the pages of history together these would have the power to govern all of SR, but far in the east there was a dark lord ‘TONY!’ secretly he forged another GAD this could rule them all, having naught but the power… to destroy!
A great battle once reigned between staffies and members and in this when all hope seemed lost, when all courage was gone it happened the ring was parted from its master by the battle warrior Aliboy. Through the years he carried the ring but the ring, knowing only lies and deceit poisoned his mind and slowly he became obsessed with winning. Then when he was at his darkest, most fated and yet most powerful he was struck down and the ring lost.
For many years the ring lay dormant until one, fateful day the creature ‘Savo’ recovered it from its riverbed grave. Savo took in into the vast forums of stories where he would not be found, but he was…
Ant stumbled down the forums cave-like caverns of abyss and landed in a small dust pile. From the glimmer emanating from the water he could see the silhouetted shape of the grotesque Savo crouched over stroking his hands
"My…PRECIOUS… they won’t take you away, we won you we did, your ours for good," Ant observed this strange creature for a while until Savo dropped it, he dropped the GAD of power and it fell, through the mist and dust, through water and mud right into the path of Ant who pocketed the GAD and exited the forum…
Chapter 1
The feet of JATs smacked along the link to the forums as they pulled an aged notable called Meka Dragon the white. The trees blossomed and shed their light upon Meka’s back as he passed under their bows, smiling to himself and breathing in the fresh FOG prime air.
"Meka! Meka!" it was young Kyz running, beaming through the tall green grass, he jumped onto the cart crippling one of the JATs nearest him "you, Meka, are late!"
"A notable is never late young Kyz" Meka replied clouting Kyz around the head.
"Ouch. Oh Meka it’s good to see you" Kyz said rubbing his head then seeing the smile on Meka’s face "Please don’t hit me!" Meka laughed
" Oh young Kyz the first rule of uh notablism is don’t be afraid" and with that belted Kyz on the stomach. Together the continued laughing, talking of times past and events missed and gaining on the small forum called FOG prime.
Young JATs ran and skipped in front of Meka’s cart much to the notables delight, he smiled pleasantly as the pulled out a bat and began hitting them, some went down first shot and others tripped onto the dust crying. This amused Meka in a kind of mild bemusement, how could they be such wusses? He decided this wasn’t important and started asking Kyz of his old uncle Ant
"Ah he’s been well Mr Meka, he’s celebrating his tenty fifth birthday this year"
" Tell me again young Kyz how old is tenty five, I never quite know these new fangled FOG words"
"Oh its quite simple really he’s ten plus five- tenty five, so that makes him fifteen" Meka looked shocked at this news "fifteen, fifteen! Buggerations Kyz that’s old for a regular isn’t it!?"
"Yes Mr Meka" Kyz said proudly "oldest in SR history if’n I’m not mistaken"
The cart carried on up a hill and Meka decided that Kyz had been lazy enough for one day and threw him out of the cart
"Ouch oh ya buggerations! BY MR MEKA" Kyz shouted to the rising dust which was Meka’s cart.
The small wooden door creaked as Meka opened it and from inside the houses depth came "Oi get out of my house or I’ll um kill ya!" Meka laughed inwardly
"What about old notable friends" He waited then he heard the pattering of footsteps upon the floor and Ant ran in and hugged the notables midriff.
" Oh it’s good to see you my old friend. Meka the grey! Why I remember when you and I secretly tried to steal the wench mobile from Gerrid"
"Yes, haha we got a thrashing that day, but who’d of known that they liked it that much!?" The two friends walked into a small living room Meka cascading into the roof in his effort to sit down.
"So tenty five eh my old friend?"
"Yes we are having a party in the forums tonight I do believe we have fireworks to"
"Ah that’ll keep them all amused. Tell me is there anything you want to say to me?"
"Meka I feel old! I feel that no longer do I belong here, in this place of games I-I feel bored…"
"What of young Kyz?" inquired Meka in a concerned tone
"Ah he is too young to go Meka, for him FOG is still his home. I shall leave him this house and all that lies within it… except maybe that charming toilet roll holder, that was adorable don’t you think?"
"Yes that was lovely wasn’t it? I think you should keep that. Uh I mean ‘That isn’t important now Ant you must tell Kyz your plans"
"Oh no Meka I mustn’t do that you see he, a young regular aspiring to some kind of success needs an idol and I must be here for that"
"That is very noble of you Ant"
"Yes I must be here to decide his role model for him" Meka looked confused once more but brushed this off by eating a large slice of fruitcake.
Fireworks burst in the air leaving bright colours against the black night sky of the little forum. Regulars, Newbies and notables alike joined in the celebrations. Microchips and Mojojojo read aloud their spoofs, Kyz for the first time at a party of this magnitude read out some cheats and PB walked giving his opinion. Everybody was happy enjoying the festivities when Ant tapped on his glass and sent it flying into the lake.
"People of FOG thank you all for coming to my party" There were cheers from the back "Thank you but if you interrupt again you WILL be shot" The cheers stopped and silence befell the crowd "That’s better now I have a very special announcement to make" Ant looked nervously at Meka who nodded. He started nervously fingering something in his side-pocket "I must leave you now…Goodbye!" He grabbed the GAD of power and vanished from sight, the audience gasped and clapped, all that is, except Kyz who was already running up the dust covered track to find Ant.
Skidding to a halt Kyz reached the house and entered it’s gloomy rooms one by one, searching for Ant.
"You won’t find him young Kyz, he had to leave" Kyz started and turned around to see Meka standing there "but Meka why? And where has he gone?"
"He has gone to a quiet place called the Nintendo forum to live out the rest of his days there. He feels old Kyz… he has left his belongings and this house to you."
"And the GAD?"
"That to he has left for you, there on the floor" Meka pointed to a small envelope on the floor and Kyz picked it up.
"That GAD is evil young Kyz I fear we must destroy it" Kyz muttered something under his breath but Meka couldn’t make it out then Kyz said
"How?"
"We must take it to an evil place where once it was forged… The Microsoft forum" Kyz looked shocked "what must we do then?"
"Cast it into the fiery mountain that is the worlds longest threat attempt, there it will be destroyed" Meka heard a rustling outside and signalled for Kyz to get down. Kyz started dancing and Meka crept up to the window then without warning he pulled a young regular from a small shrub
"Stryke! I should have known it was you!" Meka shouted at the young poster who was Ants gardener "It’s Ok Kyz it’s only Stryke" Kyz stopped dancing and walked over to the pair.
"What did you hear?" Meka demanded
"Oh nuthin much sir only summat bout the end of the world ‘n all" Stryke said shakily "please don’t get me banned!"
"oh no I have a far better use for you!"
And so it came to pass, the two young regulars were to begin their journey…
Chapter 2:
The grass crumpled underfoot as Stryke and Kyz trekked through meadow like fields. Suddenly Stryke stopped and said "If’n I go any further I’ll be further away from home than I’ve ever been"
"oh don’t worry so Stryke, we will be fine" Kyz smiled at Stryke and the two continued on until they heard raised voices.
"Oi you come back ‘ere"
"Run Asher run!"
I’m running as fast a I can Aliboy!" With this two figures stumbled through the clearing in front of Kyz, they were holding some papers and looking over their shoulders for their pursuer.
"You two have been in Pb’s notebook!" Kyz exclaimed
"Well we just wanted some ideas and- RUN!" A scythe was poking out from above the tall grass and, in a fit of fear the young posters ran as fast as they could, not stopping until they fell of a ledge into a tall oak tree leaving them all slightly concust. Kyz stirred as the leaves flew past his head
"Get off the road!" No response "Get of the bleeding road you-" the three got up and saw the black ‘portal’ approaching them. The evil being might have passed if it weren’t for Asher who was playing on his gameboy, upon getting a high score he burst out with
"OH YEA COME ON!!" the dark man (Because that is what was inside the portal) turned and the four pals ran like their lives depended on it (Which they did)
"G-Go to the lake" Aliboy panted pointing to a dark lake with a moored boat on the side. They ran and ran but a root protruding from the ground tripped Kyz and slowed him. The remaining 3 regulars cast of the boat and shouted at Kyz to run and soon he had jumped on leaving the dark man to plunge into the water.
Meka arrived at a large manor surrounded by trees and shrubs.
"Through marshes of the marshes of the east you have come…" Said a disembodied voice, Meka sighed
"Grix I know it’s you" he said and from the bushes stepped a large wizened wizard with a white beard
"Buggerations I thought I had you! Here come inside and have some booze" and so the two men walked into the building talking..
"So I see you have dyed your hair Grix…"
Grix lead Meka into a large room plastered with posters reading ‘Tony rules’ and such.
"I have come to seek your consul"
"you may be too late my old friend"
"How so?"
"The dark lord Tony is gathering power in the west, his influence is being felt over the internet and he is poisoning the minds of men. We shall look in the orb"
"No! You know as well as I that they are not all accounted for people could be watching us" He thrust the cover back over the small orb and saw a black portal in his mind
"Please I have been looking at porn on it for months now!" Grix said getting annoyed now. Meka turned to face him and asked bitterly
"Tell me when did Tony poison your mind?" Grix laughed a high cold laugh
"You think you can defeat the Dark lord!? Join us now and save yourself!" Meka pulled out his staff and shouted
"NEVER!" with that he thrust it at Grix propelling him magically backwards
"So…be…it!" Grix crawled over to a small joystick and from the ceiling came a grabber similar to that in a machine where you win teddies "You have chosen the way of fairly severe PAIN!" Meka was pulled up towards the ceiling hurtling to a spiked roof…
Chapter 3
The rain hammered down on the four boys heads as the walked through the slippery mud. The approached a tall wooden door and knocked loudly on it. A gnarled old man named KR poked his head through a gap
"What do you want about these here parts?" He asked dubiously
"We wish to drink your booze and sleep with your wif- uh women" Kyz replied
"Well the drinkin’ bit bee’s Ok but we have no women bout these parts you see were all gay!" He smiled "But come on in anyway" He opened the gate to let the four small chatters in. Together they walked to a small in called ‘The ginger beer’
At the bar there was another old man serving, Kyz told the others to sit down and went to order drinks.
"Good day sir could you tell Meka we have arrived" Kyz asked
"That old drunk hasn’t been around here for ages young sir" Kyz stood in stunned silence for a moment before shaking his head and ordering 4 beers.
"thank you good sir"
"that’s Ok- Ah time to load up the YMCA CD again" Kyz meandered over to the table as YMCA blared out and everyone started dancing.
After some time, during which 3 pints each where drunk and 3 ‘offers’ for Stryke, Aliboy said
"You see that man over there he has been looking at us for 30 minutes and he isn’t gay because he hasn’t waved once" Stryke and Kyz looked and saw a hooded figure smoking some kind of weed. Asher who was over at the bar ordering another beer when Kyz heard him say
"Yea I know the one who holds the GAD and must destroy it and is in secret taking it to the Microsoft forum. Sure he’s over there!" he pointed towards the table and Kyz ran to him
"You-you fool!" he slipped and the GAD flew from him, he caught it and disappeared in a puff of smoke. He saw blurred shapes and cried out for help but to no avail then, realising it was the GAD he let go and re-entered the land of the visible. A hand grabbed him and thrust him upstairs into a room with an already lit fire.
"That’s a fine magic trick there but you must keep the GAD of power secret, the dark Staffies are already coming for you"
"what did I do?"
"It is not what you did but what you carry"
"What my SR membership card? Because that only cost seven pounds fifty!"
"No they already have one they are after the GAD. They were once Staffies but Tony poisoned their minds now they are neither staffies nor Regulars. They are in they abyss of ‘middle-nes’"
"Can you protect me"
"no one can protect you, I can help you." With that the door burst open and Stryke stood with a table leg
"Get yon filthy hands off him" He shouted shakily
"I will not hurt your friend I am here to help you, but we must move fast"…
Dark feet stampeded on the wet ground, upon reaching the gate they kicked it down. The old man looked out after them and then Loki (seeing he wasn’t dead) ran back and kicked him in the shins. The dark staffies (‘Daffies’ if you will) carried on into the pub and journeyed up to the room. There they pulled out swords and sliced it too pieces.
"Will they find us Er-no?" Kyz asked
"No we must stay here, they crave the ring they are drawn to it’s power always following the one ‘Destroyer’"
Er-no said still looking at the Daffies "Tomorrow we must travel to the land of Sony, there we will consult ‘Pro-Evo’ the Sony overlord"
Chapter 4
Meka regained consciousness and found himself on top of a tall tower surrounded by a city-in-ruins, fire engulfed the buildings and death lay about the streets. He looked out over the distance and saw blue sky. With not a thought for safety he jumped off the tower…
Er-no entered the Sony forum first followed by Kyz then Stryke, Aliboy and Asher. Pro-Evo walked briskly to them and nodded to Er-no
"You have travelled far, rest now and eat, tomorrow we shall review your story"
"I think it should get about 9/10, slightly lacking in substance but still scary" Asher said, the others just stared at him.
Chapter 5
The next morning a meeting was held and the decision was that it was ‘none of their darn business’
"No you must help us" Kyz pleaded after the decision
"The half pint is right we have to help, I am with you young un" Er-no said placing a hand on Kyz’ shoulder
another person stood up called SonicRav "I to will join you on the quest"
"And me" said a stout notable called Goatboy.
"So we have the fellowship, I read that in a book once sounds good doesn’t it? I uh I mean and so the journey begins, now you must kill things and uh do… stuff" said Pro-Evo going red due to his confusion. Without warning the gate to Sony chat burst open and in walked Meka, Kyz ran to him and hugged him around his midriff "Oh Meka it’s good to see you"
"It’s good to see you too little one but you really are hurting me" Kyz let go quickly and Meka said "Now Grix Thraves the white has turned sides, he is no longer allied to the forums. We must make haste if we wish not for Tony or the Daffies to find us"…
And so it was, the fellowship created they set off for the land of Microsoft.
Kyz looked at the sword Ant had given him, he saw its many intricate markings and remembered what he had been told ‘Now you be careful young Kyz when that glows fluorescent pink there are JATs nearby’ he thought of Ant staying at the Sony forum living out his days in peace.
"Come on we must travel swiftly and avoid Tony’s wrath" Meka called down to him.
"We should travel through the Sega forum" Said SonicRav
"Indeed that is the quickest way but we may not be greeted so warmly as you think master Sonic" Meka replied
"My cousin rules up there we are guaranteed a warm meal and welcome" Sonic said clearly determined to go through Sega
"Very well, we shall set our course west through the caves of Sega" Said Meka programming his PDA for this change.
Though mountains and hills they travelled until they reached the caves of Sega…
Chapter 6
They entered the caves Meka leading his staff on fire so as to light the way. There were dead bodies littered everywhere and SonicRav couldn’t hide his grief
"NOOO!!" Meka slapped him and then Er-no said "The evil beings that did this are still here, we must slip past them unnoticed" (A orchestra play the theme to lord of the rings)
"Oh no we are bound to be found with that blaring out" Goatboy said and the music stopped. They carried on up a flight of stairs Aliboy still playing on his gameboy and Asher listening to his Mini-disc player.
"Quiet" Er-no said listening hard
"WHAT?" Asher shouted "YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP!" Suddenly an arrow flew at them from afar, SonicRav picked it up and said
"This is the arrow of a JAT you can tell because they have written ‘ARRER’ on the side in purple crayon and the spike is round, we must hurry now there is a pass out of here" He stopped "That way" he pointed to a large bridge of stone and they ran. They were nearly across when a huge JAT demon flared up from the middle just behind Meka who was last
" Go I’ll hold him off for a while, go!" The others ran and Meka said to the demon "You cant pass, buggerations off" then he was running as fast as he could but before he could reach the end he had slipped off.
Outside Kyz and the other regulars had broken down into tears, Er-no looked on forlornly
"We shall camp here tonight, but tomorrow we must move"
Chapter 7
Day broke and the fellowship set off once more, this time subdued and silence was common on the trip. They reached a large river of which they needed to cross to reach Microsoft. The ground began to shake underfoot and trees tremble, a cup of coffee which Asher was conveniently holding started to shake too.
"JATs" Goatboy said nervously "you two stay here we will go and see to them" He pointed at Kyz and Stryke and then ran to face the JATs with his friends. Er-no hurtled into the action sword slicing at anything it came into contact with. SonicRav took out his Bow and arrow and fired from afar, slaying any which beast that crept up behind his companions. Goatboy took out his battle-axe and pulverised anything that got in his way, but whilst all of this was going on a JAT had silently sneaked up on Asher and Aliboy and taken them from their safe spot…Back to the land of evil. Sonic saw this from his perch up high and signalled to Er-no. With this one change the battle reached a new level of intensity the desperate need to finish it overwhelming the fellowship.
"Can you hear them Stryke?" Kyz asked from outside
"Yea sounds like a slaughter"
"We have to leave lest we loose the chance"
"but Mr Kyz they told us to stay here"
"They didn’t intend on any of this Stryke, if you wish to stay so be it but I am going" Kyz made to moor off the canoe on the river side then Stryke said "Mr Kyz"
"Yes?"
"…Wait for me!"
The two friends sailed off to the land of Microsoft and the 3 warriors, having slain the JAT army and after realising what Kyz had done had gone after Asher and Aliboy, their part in the tale was not over…
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Thanks for reading my first Spoof.
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