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WASHINGTON - In a stunning turn of events, President Bush declared the United States to be
"officially at war" with gravel after he cut his toe on a piece of the substance on an early
morning walk around his ranch in Texas. This action against the leader of the free world made
Bush take action against "this vicious sect of hardened dirt and things."
"This morning, at 7:35, during a walk which I had taken many, many times around my home, I
was set upon a terrorist rock which by all appearances was a small piece of gravel. This rogue
section of the ground made a sharp cutting motion at the..." At this point, Bush trailed off,
attempting to find the suitable term for the "toe that'd be like your ring finger, only not a
finger, but a toe." He then settled on "my next-to-longest foot digit" and continued.
"This action caused me much discomfort for many moments and may have led to possible
bleeding if it had not been for the valiant efforts of my wife Laura to put a band-aid and
neosporin on my ouchie till it didn't hurt no more," said Bush. He then proudly lifted his left
foot, with one of his toes covered in a Powerpuff Girls bandaid, one Bush felt "represented the
fighting spirit of our nation." However, the piece of rock in question managed to escape Bush,
seeing that it was relatively early and still not fully light, and the fact that the rock blended in
with the other rocks in the general area of the injury. Bush remained adamant that the rock
would be brought to justice.
"I have no doubt in my mind that this evil pointy part of the earth will be found, dead or alive,
and will be put to justice in a truly American manner," said Bush. He also issued an altimatum
to other rocks who might be sheltering this specific piece of gravel or other gravel that plot
against the United States. "While you may think that these rocks may triumph in the end, and
you may fall prey to their slick words and ideas, be forewarned that the United States says
today that those who aid gravel will be treated the same or worse as the evil rocks when push
comes to shove. Do not be misled; we will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail in this
mission to rid the earth of its b****** children, who have turned against it and its friends,
seeing that we rid the earth of its despiciable oil waste and give its back a rest by cutting trees
down that would weigh on it," said Bush. He also mentioned that he and the Earth were "like
this" and twisted his fingers together.
However, Bush stated this was not declaring war on all rocks. "I have nothing but the upmost
respect for other types of rocks such as limestone or sedimentary rocks, which do their rock
business in a manner that brings no harm to many. I believe very much that rocks in general
are a peace-loving sort, and do not condone the actions of this terrorist section of rocks, which
use violence and evil to get their point across."
The action was met by mostly positive reactions by the public, who were in favor of taking
military action against gravel. Rich Davis, a Dallas architect, said that he was "fully behind" this
action, even though gravel plays a huge part in his particular buisness. "If need be, I'll cut up
stereos, TVs, other houses, whatever, to take the place of these b****** gravel traitors. No
one can think they can openly attack the U.S and come out scot free," he said.
Already, anti-gravel backlash has swept the U.S., with people setting blaze to warehouses
that held the substances and making comments about their mothers to their rock faces. "Ain't
no good gravel anywhere. Damn Godless pieces of dirt. Bet they don't even know who Jesus
is," said Rex Goodhuege, who claims to have already taken the lives of many rouge gravel.
Some, however, feel that people wait and not pass judgement so quickly. "He (Bush) didn't
even really see what cut him. It could have been a gnat or a mosquito," said Molly Walker, who
also is a vegetarian, and refuses to wear clothes that have any trace of animal hair on them.
She also quickly stated that the mosquito probably was just "really hungry" and did not have a
terrorist motive in mind.
Regardless, Bush remains insistant that no mercy will be shown to the gravel when it is found.
"Wherever you are, let it be known that the United States and its allies will not stop in our
efforts to stop your evil ways. Tony Blair has already given his full support to us," said Bush.
Later, Blair, who had just woken up when reporters arrived, had not heard "a bloody thing"
about such actions, but figured "it's probably a good cause, so why not?"
No rocks were available at the time of print for comment.
"officially at war" with gravel after he cut his toe on a piece of the substance on an early
morning walk around his ranch in Texas. This action against the leader of the free world made
Bush take action against "this vicious sect of hardened dirt and things."
"This morning, at 7:35, during a walk which I had taken many, many times around my home, I
was set upon a terrorist rock which by all appearances was a small piece of gravel. This rogue
section of the ground made a sharp cutting motion at the..." At this point, Bush trailed off,
attempting to find the suitable term for the "toe that'd be like your ring finger, only not a
finger, but a toe." He then settled on "my next-to-longest foot digit" and continued.
"This action caused me much discomfort for many moments and may have led to possible
bleeding if it had not been for the valiant efforts of my wife Laura to put a band-aid and
neosporin on my ouchie till it didn't hurt no more," said Bush. He then proudly lifted his left
foot, with one of his toes covered in a Powerpuff Girls bandaid, one Bush felt "represented the
fighting spirit of our nation." However, the piece of rock in question managed to escape Bush,
seeing that it was relatively early and still not fully light, and the fact that the rock blended in
with the other rocks in the general area of the injury. Bush remained adamant that the rock
would be brought to justice.
"I have no doubt in my mind that this evil pointy part of the earth will be found, dead or alive,
and will be put to justice in a truly American manner," said Bush. He also issued an altimatum
to other rocks who might be sheltering this specific piece of gravel or other gravel that plot
against the United States. "While you may think that these rocks may triumph in the end, and
you may fall prey to their slick words and ideas, be forewarned that the United States says
today that those who aid gravel will be treated the same or worse as the evil rocks when push
comes to shove. Do not be misled; we will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail in this
mission to rid the earth of its b****** children, who have turned against it and its friends,
seeing that we rid the earth of its despiciable oil waste and give its back a rest by cutting trees
down that would weigh on it," said Bush. He also mentioned that he and the Earth were "like
this" and twisted his fingers together.
However, Bush stated this was not declaring war on all rocks. "I have nothing but the upmost
respect for other types of rocks such as limestone or sedimentary rocks, which do their rock
business in a manner that brings no harm to many. I believe very much that rocks in general
are a peace-loving sort, and do not condone the actions of this terrorist section of rocks, which
use violence and evil to get their point across."
The action was met by mostly positive reactions by the public, who were in favor of taking
military action against gravel. Rich Davis, a Dallas architect, said that he was "fully behind" this
action, even though gravel plays a huge part in his particular buisness. "If need be, I'll cut up
stereos, TVs, other houses, whatever, to take the place of these b****** gravel traitors. No
one can think they can openly attack the U.S and come out scot free," he said.
Already, anti-gravel backlash has swept the U.S., with people setting blaze to warehouses
that held the substances and making comments about their mothers to their rock faces. "Ain't
no good gravel anywhere. Damn Godless pieces of dirt. Bet they don't even know who Jesus
is," said Rex Goodhuege, who claims to have already taken the lives of many rouge gravel.
Some, however, feel that people wait and not pass judgement so quickly. "He (Bush) didn't
even really see what cut him. It could have been a gnat or a mosquito," said Molly Walker, who
also is a vegetarian, and refuses to wear clothes that have any trace of animal hair on them.
She also quickly stated that the mosquito probably was just "really hungry" and did not have a
terrorist motive in mind.
Regardless, Bush remains insistant that no mercy will be shown to the gravel when it is found.
"Wherever you are, let it be known that the United States and its allies will not stop in our
efforts to stop your evil ways. Tony Blair has already given his full support to us," said Bush.
Later, Blair, who had just woken up when reporters arrived, had not heard "a bloody thing"
about such actions, but figured "it's probably a good cause, so why not?"
No rocks were available at the time of print for comment.
Page:
lol, great stuff..
Whoops, forgot to say, I didn't right this, someone I know from another board did. It's so damn funny though...
WASHINGTON - In a stunning turn of events, President Bush declared the United States to be
"officially at war" with gravel after he cut his toe on a piece of the substance on an early
morning walk around his ranch in Texas. This action against the leader of the free world made
Bush take action against "this vicious sect of hardened dirt and things."
"This morning, at 7:35, during a walk which I had taken many, many times around my home, I
was set upon a terrorist rock which by all appearances was a small piece of gravel. This rogue
section of the ground made a sharp cutting motion at the..." At this point, Bush trailed off,
attempting to find the suitable term for the "toe that'd be like your ring finger, only not a
finger, but a toe." He then settled on "my next-to-longest foot digit" and continued.
"This action caused me much discomfort for many moments and may have led to possible
bleeding if it had not been for the valiant efforts of my wife Laura to put a band-aid and
neosporin on my ouchie till it didn't hurt no more," said Bush. He then proudly lifted his left
foot, with one of his toes covered in a Powerpuff Girls bandaid, one Bush felt "represented the
fighting spirit of our nation." However, the piece of rock in question managed to escape Bush,
seeing that it was relatively early and still not fully light, and the fact that the rock blended in
with the other rocks in the general area of the injury. Bush remained adamant that the rock
would be brought to justice.
"I have no doubt in my mind that this evil pointy part of the earth will be found, dead or alive,
and will be put to justice in a truly American manner," said Bush. He also issued an altimatum
to other rocks who might be sheltering this specific piece of gravel or other gravel that plot
against the United States. "While you may think that these rocks may triumph in the end, and
you may fall prey to their slick words and ideas, be forewarned that the United States says
today that those who aid gravel will be treated the same or worse as the evil rocks when push
comes to shove. Do not be misled; we will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail in this
mission to rid the earth of its b****** children, who have turned against it and its friends,
seeing that we rid the earth of its despiciable oil waste and give its back a rest by cutting trees
down that would weigh on it," said Bush. He also mentioned that he and the Earth were "like
this" and twisted his fingers together.
However, Bush stated this was not declaring war on all rocks. "I have nothing but the upmost
respect for other types of rocks such as limestone or sedimentary rocks, which do their rock
business in a manner that brings no harm to many. I believe very much that rocks in general
are a peace-loving sort, and do not condone the actions of this terrorist section of rocks, which
use violence and evil to get their point across."
The action was met by mostly positive reactions by the public, who were in favor of taking
military action against gravel. Rich Davis, a Dallas architect, said that he was "fully behind" this
action, even though gravel plays a huge part in his particular buisness. "If need be, I'll cut up
stereos, TVs, other houses, whatever, to take the place of these b****** gravel traitors. No
one can think they can openly attack the U.S and come out scot free," he said.
Already, anti-gravel backlash has swept the U.S., with people setting blaze to warehouses
that held the substances and making comments about their mothers to their rock faces. "Ain't
no good gravel anywhere. Damn Godless pieces of dirt. Bet they don't even know who Jesus
is," said Rex Goodhuege, who claims to have already taken the lives of many rouge gravel.
Some, however, feel that people wait and not pass judgement so quickly. "He (Bush) didn't
even really see what cut him. It could have been a gnat or a mosquito," said Molly Walker, who
also is a vegetarian, and refuses to wear clothes that have any trace of animal hair on them.
She also quickly stated that the mosquito probably was just "really hungry" and did not have a
terrorist motive in mind.
Regardless, Bush remains insistant that no mercy will be shown to the gravel when it is found.
"Wherever you are, let it be known that the United States and its allies will not stop in our
efforts to stop your evil ways. Tony Blair has already given his full support to us," said Bush.
Later, Blair, who had just woken up when reporters arrived, had not heard "a bloody thing"
about such actions, but figured "it's probably a good cause, so why not?"
No rocks were available at the time of print for comment.
"officially at war" with gravel after he cut his toe on a piece of the substance on an early
morning walk around his ranch in Texas. This action against the leader of the free world made
Bush take action against "this vicious sect of hardened dirt and things."
"This morning, at 7:35, during a walk which I had taken many, many times around my home, I
was set upon a terrorist rock which by all appearances was a small piece of gravel. This rogue
section of the ground made a sharp cutting motion at the..." At this point, Bush trailed off,
attempting to find the suitable term for the "toe that'd be like your ring finger, only not a
finger, but a toe." He then settled on "my next-to-longest foot digit" and continued.
"This action caused me much discomfort for many moments and may have led to possible
bleeding if it had not been for the valiant efforts of my wife Laura to put a band-aid and
neosporin on my ouchie till it didn't hurt no more," said Bush. He then proudly lifted his left
foot, with one of his toes covered in a Powerpuff Girls bandaid, one Bush felt "represented the
fighting spirit of our nation." However, the piece of rock in question managed to escape Bush,
seeing that it was relatively early and still not fully light, and the fact that the rock blended in
with the other rocks in the general area of the injury. Bush remained adamant that the rock
would be brought to justice.
"I have no doubt in my mind that this evil pointy part of the earth will be found, dead or alive,
and will be put to justice in a truly American manner," said Bush. He also issued an altimatum
to other rocks who might be sheltering this specific piece of gravel or other gravel that plot
against the United States. "While you may think that these rocks may triumph in the end, and
you may fall prey to their slick words and ideas, be forewarned that the United States says
today that those who aid gravel will be treated the same or worse as the evil rocks when push
comes to shove. Do not be misled; we will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail in this
mission to rid the earth of its b****** children, who have turned against it and its friends,
seeing that we rid the earth of its despiciable oil waste and give its back a rest by cutting trees
down that would weigh on it," said Bush. He also mentioned that he and the Earth were "like
this" and twisted his fingers together.
However, Bush stated this was not declaring war on all rocks. "I have nothing but the upmost
respect for other types of rocks such as limestone or sedimentary rocks, which do their rock
business in a manner that brings no harm to many. I believe very much that rocks in general
are a peace-loving sort, and do not condone the actions of this terrorist section of rocks, which
use violence and evil to get their point across."
The action was met by mostly positive reactions by the public, who were in favor of taking
military action against gravel. Rich Davis, a Dallas architect, said that he was "fully behind" this
action, even though gravel plays a huge part in his particular buisness. "If need be, I'll cut up
stereos, TVs, other houses, whatever, to take the place of these b****** gravel traitors. No
one can think they can openly attack the U.S and come out scot free," he said.
Already, anti-gravel backlash has swept the U.S., with people setting blaze to warehouses
that held the substances and making comments about their mothers to their rock faces. "Ain't
no good gravel anywhere. Damn Godless pieces of dirt. Bet they don't even know who Jesus
is," said Rex Goodhuege, who claims to have already taken the lives of many rouge gravel.
Some, however, feel that people wait and not pass judgement so quickly. "He (Bush) didn't
even really see what cut him. It could have been a gnat or a mosquito," said Molly Walker, who
also is a vegetarian, and refuses to wear clothes that have any trace of animal hair on them.
She also quickly stated that the mosquito probably was just "really hungry" and did not have a
terrorist motive in mind.
Regardless, Bush remains insistant that no mercy will be shown to the gravel when it is found.
"Wherever you are, let it be known that the United States and its allies will not stop in our
efforts to stop your evil ways. Tony Blair has already given his full support to us," said Bush.
Later, Blair, who had just woken up when reporters arrived, had not heard "a bloody thing"
about such actions, but figured "it's probably a good cause, so why not?"
No rocks were available at the time of print for comment.
Page: