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The Guinness book of records is, without a doubt, one of the most interesting books of all time. Whether it's the person with the most pegs attached to their face, or the heaviest breasts (3 Kg each!), you're likely to find it in there. After looking over the Video games section, I had an idea. I enlisted the help of some SR forum members (AJ, Gerrid, Rickoss and whitestripes) and decided to attempt to get into the GBR. Four times. Now, of course, *I* personally won't be the record holder, but these four chappies will. So, first up, it's AJ with: "The most blood-shot eyes whilst playing Video games".
After relieving himself in the toilet, AJ sat down and loaded Zelda: TWW (import) into his Jap GC, courtesy of me. Anyway, let's see how he's doing.
"My eyes! They burn!"
His eyes are already hurting, and he's only just up to the title screen. This is indeed a good sign, let's see why his eyes are so sensitive.
"Well, when I was younger, I accidentally saw my Mum naked. Fully. This scared the crap out of me, and from then on, my eyes hurt every time I open them. It's like her naked butt burned my retinas!"
Well, that's certainly a sight we'd never like to see. We'll leave AJ playing Zelda for a while. Let's go see how Gerrid's getting on with his world record attempt.
"Hi there. I'm trying to break the record for the most original words said whilst playing a computer game. I have been planning this for months now. Every time I came out with a strange word, like Wenchmobile, hurru or snipsen *Scribbles word down* I have been writing them in this specially made book, so that I can rattle them off easily."
Oh, sounds interesting. So, is this one of your goals in life?
"Oh yes, ever… hang on a minute. DIE DAMNIT! SNOOFER! Wahey, add another to the list froots. As I was saying, this was primarily my main goal in life, though I also want to live under a bridge for a year."
Oh, very good. Well, good luck with that, we'll be back checking on you later. Now onto Rickoss, with the "Most injuries to self whilst playing a video game"
"Hey…..there. I… already…. Own…. The…. Record…. As…. I've….already……broken…..my legs……and punctured……my……lungs. Help…..me….."
Oh dear, erm, we had better cover this up before it gets out of hand. Er, carry him over there! Oh Sh… No, you dropped him! What? You broke his neck? Wahey!
*Confused look from audience*
We've certainly broken (Ha-ha) the record now! Erm, let's go back and check on AJ before we look at WS' attempt.
"Argh! I can't see!"
OH MY GOD! They're like tomatoes! AJ, you say you can't see?
"Yeah, and it hurts!"
Well, erm, congrats, you're officially a world record holder! How do you feel?
"Need…. Optrex…"
Well, that's one out of the way. Let's go see WS and his attempt.
"Hey all. Today, I'm going to set the record for the most anticipated console. I've already cleared the space for my Q, built a temple and danced for several hours. I also set to adding a metallic touch to everything in my room, and I painted myself with nail varnish. I'm as shiny as a Q! Shiny Shiny Shiny!"
Wow, this is even better than the fattest cat! You keep going WS! Let's go back and see how Gerrid is doing.
"Joobers, sunchly, and botfrey! How many's that froots?"
"1,981 well, 1,982 including froots."
Did you hear that folks? 1,982 imaginary words said whilst playing a video game!
"What's imaginary?"
Er… anyway, congratulations Gerrid, you're officially a world record holder!
"Yey!"
Wow, so far we've had three out of four attempts succeed, it's all up to WS now. Let's just see how far he's got.
"Right, I make that 200, no, 201 sacrifices to the Q. What more can a man do? Er, uh-oh. The nail varnish is drying! Must…. Paint…. Face…blue… and…. Drill…holes….in…..chest….for…..controllers…"
Amazing! Not only has WS smashed the record, he even looks like a Q! Absolutely astonishing!
Make sure you check the GBR next year for these amazing records, and remember, it all happened here.
"Need……morphine!"
Rickoss, quiet! Goodbye folks!
*AJ stumbles into cameraman*
Thanks for reading
Chips
After relieving himself in the toilet, AJ sat down and loaded Zelda: TWW (import) into his Jap GC, courtesy of me. Anyway, let's see how he's doing.
"My eyes! They burn!"
His eyes are already hurting, and he's only just up to the title screen. This is indeed a good sign, let's see why his eyes are so sensitive.
"Well, when I was younger, I accidentally saw my Mum naked. Fully. This scared the crap out of me, and from then on, my eyes hurt every time I open them. It's like her naked butt burned my retinas!"
Well, that's certainly a sight we'd never like to see. We'll leave AJ playing Zelda for a while. Let's go see how Gerrid's getting on with his world record attempt.
"Hi there. I'm trying to break the record for the most original words said whilst playing a computer game. I have been planning this for months now. Every time I came out with a strange word, like Wenchmobile, hurru or snipsen *Scribbles word down* I have been writing them in this specially made book, so that I can rattle them off easily."
Oh, sounds interesting. So, is this one of your goals in life?
"Oh yes, ever… hang on a minute. DIE DAMNIT! SNOOFER! Wahey, add another to the list froots. As I was saying, this was primarily my main goal in life, though I also want to live under a bridge for a year."
Oh, very good. Well, good luck with that, we'll be back checking on you later. Now onto Rickoss, with the "Most injuries to self whilst playing a video game"
"Hey…..there. I… already…. Own…. The…. Record…. As…. I've….already……broken…..my legs……and punctured……my……lungs. Help…..me….."
Oh dear, erm, we had better cover this up before it gets out of hand. Er, carry him over there! Oh Sh… No, you dropped him! What? You broke his neck? Wahey!
*Confused look from audience*
We've certainly broken (Ha-ha) the record now! Erm, let's go back and check on AJ before we look at WS' attempt.
"Argh! I can't see!"
OH MY GOD! They're like tomatoes! AJ, you say you can't see?
"Yeah, and it hurts!"
Well, erm, congrats, you're officially a world record holder! How do you feel?
"Need…. Optrex…"
Well, that's one out of the way. Let's go see WS and his attempt.
"Hey all. Today, I'm going to set the record for the most anticipated console. I've already cleared the space for my Q, built a temple and danced for several hours. I also set to adding a metallic touch to everything in my room, and I painted myself with nail varnish. I'm as shiny as a Q! Shiny Shiny Shiny!"
Wow, this is even better than the fattest cat! You keep going WS! Let's go back and see how Gerrid is doing.
"Joobers, sunchly, and botfrey! How many's that froots?"
"1,981 well, 1,982 including froots."
Did you hear that folks? 1,982 imaginary words said whilst playing a video game!
"What's imaginary?"
Er… anyway, congratulations Gerrid, you're officially a world record holder!
"Yey!"
Wow, so far we've had three out of four attempts succeed, it's all up to WS now. Let's just see how far he's got.
"Right, I make that 200, no, 201 sacrifices to the Q. What more can a man do? Er, uh-oh. The nail varnish is drying! Must…. Paint…. Face…blue… and…. Drill…holes….in…..chest….for…..controllers…"
Amazing! Not only has WS smashed the record, he even looks like a Q! Absolutely astonishing!
Make sure you check the GBR next year for these amazing records, and remember, it all happened here.
"Need……morphine!"
Rickoss, quiet! Goodbye folks!
*AJ stumbles into cameraman*
Thanks for reading
Chips
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Yeah, it's fixed
add me back in if you've still got my addy
add me back in if you've still got my addy
And who did you used to be?
You elusive monkey! :D
Weren't you Dr Zeus for a while too?
And is MSN fixed yet? :D
Weren't you Dr Zeus for a while too?
And is MSN fixed yet? :D
Aaah!
That's who you are.
I was wondering who you were myself actually, no offence.
:-D
That's who you are.
I was wondering who you were myself actually, no offence.
:-D
Tut
I was once a rich happy young man taunted for having a cheesy name like say "Posh Kid"
:)
I was once a rich happy young man taunted for having a cheesy name like say "Posh Kid"
:)
Heh. :) I'm sorry, but I've never seen you around before. Change of name, or entirely new person? :)
I'm watching out for you on the shelves Chipster
Cheers guys.
A book eh? Now that's actually quite interesting. I was thinking about writing a book earlier in the week.
Not quite sure what it would be based upon though.
:)
A book eh? Now that's actually quite interesting. I was thinking about writing a book earlier in the week.
Not quite sure what it would be based upon though.
:)
Very good Mr Chips!
I enjoyed that Chips, like almost every other one of your spoofs.
So when's your new book coming out?
So when's your new book coming out?
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