Viewing Thread:
"Castaway: A review with spoilers."

Hi, I'm a busy man that works for FED EX. I do not have time to notice my wife, who doesn't work for FEX ED.
Here I am in Russia, telling them how FED EX delivers things on time.
FED EX has taught me how important time is, at the expense of relationships.
Here is a FED EX package being delivered to a woman that takes no notice of time, and is content with the simple things in life.
Remember her, for she will be important.
And now I must talk about FED EX some more.

I am in a FED EX plane, drinking from a FED EX mug.
Oh no, the plane has crashed and I am on this island.
My only hope is that FED EX parcels wash ashore with handy items in FED EX boxes.
I'm hungry. I wish I had a friend.
Here is a volleyball, I shall call you WILSON, just like the writing on the box.
(audience: "Is this an advert?")

3 YEARS LATER
(audience: "What? We've seen nothing of his attempts to survive, how did he cope with it all? Where did he learn what food was not poisonous etc?")

Hey WILSON, you're my best mate.
I almost hung myself up there, but WILSON needed me.
Now I will construct a raft and escape, armed only with WILSON my mate and some FED EX boxes.
Oh no, WILSON is floating away, I shall shout WILSON for 24 times.
Damn, WILSON left me.
Now I will drift.
Here is a whale to save me. Yes, a whale.
This whale will blast me with water to keep me awake and alert me of a passing trawler.
Thanks whale!

I'm back in America now!
Wow these people are shallow and obsessed with time. Why do they not notice the beauty around them?
My wife wants to leave her new family, but I am noble and will not let her.
Boy, I wish there was another person out there who understood that life is not about time and stuff and instead followed her heart in life.
"Hello, I'm the artist woman from 2hrs ago. I don't care for materialistic things."
Hey, that's lucky!

THE END

I like FED EX, espically when packages are coming from the other side of the world and I can track all the interesting places my stuff is and I'm not.

And the monkey on my rear view mirror in the car is called WILSON, and he watches out for people driving to close behind, even though he is stuffed.

It's mighty yellow in this room. Permission to type?

Goatboy wrote:

"I was amazed at just how many times FED EX get a mention.
And, (I checked out advice from a mate) until he crashed on the island, a FED EX logo/box/cup/plane is in every single shot."

Yup. It doubled my viewing pleasure by spending the time counting how many FED EX's popped up in the shot. With any other film it probably would have ruined it.

Damn.
I guess the subtle mentioning of FED EX in that movie was too subtle for me.

FEX ED. Hur hur hur...

Goatboy wrote:

>Check if you don't believe me.

No thanks, I just read the review. I don't ever want to see it!

Meka Dragon wrote:
> This FED-EX sounds like a decent company to use to deliver my packages.

--

I was amazed at just how many times FED EX get a mention.
And, (I checked out advice from a mate) until he crashed on the island, a FED EX logo/box/cup/plane is in every single shot.
Check if you don't believe me.
And the handy FED EX boxes that wash ashore just with the things he needs.

It was a terrible movie.
And suddenly "3 years later" after 24 minutes of Hanks slashing his feet on coral???

I finished watching it and thought "Damn you Hanks, stop being so goshdarned nice and make more movies like The 'Burbs and Bachelor Party. You ponce".

This FED-EX sounds like a decent company to use to deliver my packages.

Yup, boy, I'm damn glad that they put that Volleyball in, because wouldn't an hour long sequence without talking be really difficult to write?

And wow, it's so much easier to see how someone is feeling when they speak, too.