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"Gamecube blunder threatens Nintendo's continued existence"

Nintendo of America are allegedly on the verge of financial ruin following shock reports from a Washington games store. Scientists have confirmed suspicions that the Gamecube is capable of sexual reproduction pointing out that this renders Nintendo's excessive prices entirely redundant. The drama unfolded in an undisclosed games store situated in a Washington mall. Said store worker, and former rock star, Hank Marvin "We had ordered in 200 Gamecubes as we saw them as being this year's must-have console and easily expected them to sell out. The thing is I opened the store room this morning and we had over 1000 consoles in there. It was clear that this was no shipping error so I called up top bond-film scientist Denise Richards to investigate. She confirmed today that the Gamecubes were actually reproducing at a phenonemal rate."

While this is great news for consumers everywhere Nintendo looks set to be bankrupted by the development. Speaking on behalf of Nintendo boxing promoter Don King outlined the dilemma:
"Nintendo are facing the prince in the battle of the night sky. The console got game I tell you and in this kind of life we face the adversities of outrageous misfortune like slings and arrows."
When asked what exactly he was rambling on about King then quoted from Sir Winston Churchill: "In war, resolution. In defeat, defiance. In victory, magnanimity. In peace, good will." King added: "We shall never, ever surrender."

Disgraced former Tory MP Neil Hamilton was blamed for the mishap, which had resulted in Nintendo's gamecubes being fitted with fully functional sex organs. A court action has been launched and looks set to further bankrupt Hamilton, as Nintendo are looking to receive over $2 billion in compensation. Hamiliton's wife Christine announced to the assembled media:
"This was the straw that broke the camel's back. We've been accused of some pretty horrific things in the past but this.. this is too much. It's nonsense on stilts I tell you!"

WHile the possibility of consumers breeding their own gamecubes may seem like the end for the console's marketability, Nintendo do plan a counter offensive. Spokesman Fred Elliot commented "All gamecubes sold in the UK are to be neutered. This has set the release date back by several months but hey, good things come to those who wait."

Stock market analysts predict a complete recovery when Nintendo launch a competition open to buyers of the console. Plans are afoot to allow three lucky gamecube owners to take home either Rod Steiger, Marlon Brando or Charlton Heston. Said Nintendo fan Bob Hoskins "It's the chance of a lifetime, I know I'll be entering!"

At the time of going to press Big Brother star "Brian" was said to be manically depressed about the news, however he is unavaillable for comment at the present moment. We'll keep you up-to-date as the situation develops.

:-D