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Today I realised something. Something that answers a lot of questions for me, and others like me.
Anyone who has ever bought a third party controller will feel my pain. I think back to my first one. I got a Playstation on Christmas five years ago, and midway through January I realised I would need two controllers if I wanted to pound anyone at Tekken.
When I got to the shop, I was torn (ha!) between an official Sony control (24.99) and a third party one (14.99). No prizes for guessing which I bought, being an impressionable youth and all. The point is, it broke within 2 weeks, and I was only mildly perturbed at that point. The problem would be easily enough solved with a trip back to the shop, I thought. (What a stupid person I am, can you believe I exchanged it for a different third party control?) That one lasted for about a month. The next time I shelled out the extra tenner, and my official Sony controller never gave me a spot of bother.
I can’t help thinking back to the days of the NES, with their solid, square, blocky controllers, which you couldn’t break if you wanted to. No amount of abuse ever raised even the slightest response from it, except a small creaking sound, which developed when the machine was about 10 years old.
What I want to know is how come controllers were so sturdy all those years ago, but now I am looking at 2 (two) broken controls for my playstation 2? HOW? COME?
I know why. Oh yes. Sony, Nintendo, Microsoft…. they are not electronics giants at all, that’s just what they’d like you to believe. They are really biological doo-dahs, dabbling with the very fabric of nature, ripping holes in the space/time continuum and allsorts. They sell you the ‘controllers’ which do act as controllers for a limited time- as long as it takes for them to get samples of your sweat and skin cells. This is all they need to clone you and take you away in the night, replacing you with the aforementioned clone.
Anyone who has ever returned a broken controller (Or thrown it out, or even just lost it- the controllers have a built in homing device) will literally feel my pain, when the men in white coats come, with the clone, handcuffs and wingtip shoes.
They can, however, be stopped. Firstly, all the clones speak with German accents (apparently they are more efficient that way) and wear wigs. Obvious, you’d think, but you would be surprised how unwilling people are to believe me. Second, they always come at exactly three in the morning, so set your alarm for 5 to and you’re probably safe by 5 past. Third, DO NOT RETURN BROKEN CONTROLLERS! If anything, lock them up somewhere no-one will ever find them. Because not only do they carry your DNA back to the doo-dahs, they are not actually broken. They are simply re-activated and sold to the next punter who will be cloned and murdered within a month.
SO IF ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY STARTS SPEAKING WITH A GERMAN ACCENT, OR WEARING A WIG, OR BOTH- THEN IT’S TIME TO CACK YOUR STRIDES.
Anyone who has ever bought a third party controller will feel my pain. I think back to my first one. I got a Playstation on Christmas five years ago, and midway through January I realised I would need two controllers if I wanted to pound anyone at Tekken.
When I got to the shop, I was torn (ha!) between an official Sony control (24.99) and a third party one (14.99). No prizes for guessing which I bought, being an impressionable youth and all. The point is, it broke within 2 weeks, and I was only mildly perturbed at that point. The problem would be easily enough solved with a trip back to the shop, I thought. (What a stupid person I am, can you believe I exchanged it for a different third party control?) That one lasted for about a month. The next time I shelled out the extra tenner, and my official Sony controller never gave me a spot of bother.
I can’t help thinking back to the days of the NES, with their solid, square, blocky controllers, which you couldn’t break if you wanted to. No amount of abuse ever raised even the slightest response from it, except a small creaking sound, which developed when the machine was about 10 years old.
What I want to know is how come controllers were so sturdy all those years ago, but now I am looking at 2 (two) broken controls for my playstation 2? HOW? COME?
I know why. Oh yes. Sony, Nintendo, Microsoft…. they are not electronics giants at all, that’s just what they’d like you to believe. They are really biological doo-dahs, dabbling with the very fabric of nature, ripping holes in the space/time continuum and allsorts. They sell you the ‘controllers’ which do act as controllers for a limited time- as long as it takes for them to get samples of your sweat and skin cells. This is all they need to clone you and take you away in the night, replacing you with the aforementioned clone.
Anyone who has ever returned a broken controller (Or thrown it out, or even just lost it- the controllers have a built in homing device) will literally feel my pain, when the men in white coats come, with the clone, handcuffs and wingtip shoes.
They can, however, be stopped. Firstly, all the clones speak with German accents (apparently they are more efficient that way) and wear wigs. Obvious, you’d think, but you would be surprised how unwilling people are to believe me. Second, they always come at exactly three in the morning, so set your alarm for 5 to and you’re probably safe by 5 past. Third, DO NOT RETURN BROKEN CONTROLLERS! If anything, lock them up somewhere no-one will ever find them. Because not only do they carry your DNA back to the doo-dahs, they are not actually broken. They are simply re-activated and sold to the next punter who will be cloned and murdered within a month.
SO IF ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY STARTS SPEAKING WITH A GERMAN ACCENT, OR WEARING A WIG, OR BOTH- THEN IT’S TIME TO CACK YOUR STRIDES.
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(dissapointment)
For a limited time only, this topic is top of the list.
Read the tagline...
That's right, all the way back to the top of the list.
El Blokey wrote:
> What is it with this board and having to have a clever insult like
> cretin, or snorse.
*shrugs*
> What is it with this board and having to have a clever insult like
> cretin, or snorse.
*shrugs*
Same here with the controllers. But the PS2 controllers tend to fall apart quite easily, compared to most other pads.
I've never had any problems with third party pads myself, and I've tended to use them on just about every console I've owned. When I bought a Megadrive, about ten years ago now, the shop had run out of official control pads so they gave me a 'clear case' competition pro pad instead. It had programmable L and R buttons, autofire functions, and was just as comfortable as the official pad. What's more, the buttons didn't start to 'stick' after a couple years of playing, as the official pads had a tendancy to.
I agree that third party memory cards aren't worth bothering with though. I had four different memory cards for the N64, three of which were unofficial. Only one of the four has never given me any trouble. Guess which one.
I agree that third party memory cards aren't worth bothering with though. I had four different memory cards for the N64, three of which were unofficial. Only one of the four has never given me any trouble. Guess which one.
no one cares, do they?
Snorse?
What is it with this board and having to have a clever insult like cretin, or snorse.
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