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Today I realised something. Something that answers a lot of questions for me, and others like me.
Anyone who has ever bought a third party controller will feel my pain. I think back to my first one. I got a Playstation on Christmas five years ago, and midway through January I realised I would need two controllers if I wanted to pound anyone at Tekken.
When I got to the shop, I was torn (ha!) between an official Sony control (24.99) and a third party one (14.99). No prizes for guessing which I bought, being an impressionable youth and all. The point is, it broke within 2 weeks, and I was only mildly perturbed at that point. The problem would be easily enough solved with a trip back to the shop, I thought. (What a stupid person I am, can you believe I exchanged it for a different third party control?) That one lasted for about a month. The next time I shelled out the extra tenner, and my official Sony controller never gave me a spot of bother.
I can’t help thinking back to the days of the NES, with their solid, square, blocky controllers, which you couldn’t break if you wanted to. No amount of abuse ever raised even the slightest response from it, except a small creaking sound, which developed when the machine was about 10 years old.
What I want to know is how come controllers were so sturdy all those years ago, but now I am looking at 2 (two) broken controls for my playstation 2? HOW? COME?
I know why. Oh yes. Sony, Nintendo, Microsoft…. they are not electronics giants at all, that’s just what they’d like you to believe. They are really biological doo-dahs, dabbling with the very fabric of nature, ripping holes in the space/time continuum and allsorts. They sell you the ‘controllers’ which do act as controllers for a limited time- as long as it takes for them to get samples of your sweat and skin cells. This is all they need to clone you and take you away in the night, replacing you with the aforementioned clone.
Anyone who has ever returned a broken controller (Or thrown it out, or even just lost it- the controllers have a built in homing device) will literally feel my pain, when the men in white coats come, with the clone, handcuffs and wingtip shoes.
They can, however, be stopped. Firstly, all the clones speak with German accents (apparently they are more efficient that way) and wear wigs. Obvious, you’d think, but you would be surprised how unwilling people are to believe me. Second, they always come at exactly three in the morning, so set your alarm for 5 to and you’re probably safe by 5 past. Third, DO NOT RETURN BROKEN CONTROLLERS! If anything, lock them up somewhere no-one will ever find them. Because not only do they carry your DNA back to the doo-dahs, they are not actually broken. They are simply re-activated and sold to the next punter who will be cloned and murdered within a month.
SO IF ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY STARTS SPEAKING WITH A GERMAN ACCENT, OR WEARING A WIG, OR BOTH- THEN IT’S TIME TO CACK YOUR STRIDES.
Anyone who has ever bought a third party controller will feel my pain. I think back to my first one. I got a Playstation on Christmas five years ago, and midway through January I realised I would need two controllers if I wanted to pound anyone at Tekken.
When I got to the shop, I was torn (ha!) between an official Sony control (24.99) and a third party one (14.99). No prizes for guessing which I bought, being an impressionable youth and all. The point is, it broke within 2 weeks, and I was only mildly perturbed at that point. The problem would be easily enough solved with a trip back to the shop, I thought. (What a stupid person I am, can you believe I exchanged it for a different third party control?) That one lasted for about a month. The next time I shelled out the extra tenner, and my official Sony controller never gave me a spot of bother.
I can’t help thinking back to the days of the NES, with their solid, square, blocky controllers, which you couldn’t break if you wanted to. No amount of abuse ever raised even the slightest response from it, except a small creaking sound, which developed when the machine was about 10 years old.
What I want to know is how come controllers were so sturdy all those years ago, but now I am looking at 2 (two) broken controls for my playstation 2? HOW? COME?
I know why. Oh yes. Sony, Nintendo, Microsoft…. they are not electronics giants at all, that’s just what they’d like you to believe. They are really biological doo-dahs, dabbling with the very fabric of nature, ripping holes in the space/time continuum and allsorts. They sell you the ‘controllers’ which do act as controllers for a limited time- as long as it takes for them to get samples of your sweat and skin cells. This is all they need to clone you and take you away in the night, replacing you with the aforementioned clone.
Anyone who has ever returned a broken controller (Or thrown it out, or even just lost it- the controllers have a built in homing device) will literally feel my pain, when the men in white coats come, with the clone, handcuffs and wingtip shoes.
They can, however, be stopped. Firstly, all the clones speak with German accents (apparently they are more efficient that way) and wear wigs. Obvious, you’d think, but you would be surprised how unwilling people are to believe me. Second, they always come at exactly three in the morning, so set your alarm for 5 to and you’re probably safe by 5 past. Third, DO NOT RETURN BROKEN CONTROLLERS! If anything, lock them up somewhere no-one will ever find them. Because not only do they carry your DNA back to the doo-dahs, they are not actually broken. They are simply re-activated and sold to the next punter who will be cloned and murdered within a month.
SO IF ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY STARTS SPEAKING WITH A GERMAN ACCENT, OR WEARING A WIG, OR BOTH- THEN IT’S TIME TO CACK YOUR STRIDES.
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Today I realised something. Something that answers a lot of questions for me, and others like me.
Anyone who has ever bought a third party controller will feel my pain. I think back to my first one. I got a Playstation on Christmas five years ago, and midway through January I realised I would need two controllers if I wanted to pound anyone at Tekken.
When I got to the shop, I was torn (ha!) between an official Sony control (24.99) and a third party one (14.99). No prizes for guessing which I bought, being an impressionable youth and all. The point is, it broke within 2 weeks, and I was only mildly perturbed at that point. The problem would be easily enough solved with a trip back to the shop, I thought. (What a stupid person I am, can you believe I exchanged it for a different third party control?) That one lasted for about a month. The next time I shelled out the extra tenner, and my official Sony controller never gave me a spot of bother.
I can’t help thinking back to the days of the NES, with their solid, square, blocky controllers, which you couldn’t break if you wanted to. No amount of abuse ever raised even the slightest response from it, except a small creaking sound, which developed when the machine was about 10 years old.
What I want to know is how come controllers were so sturdy all those years ago, but now I am looking at 2 (two) broken controls for my playstation 2? HOW? COME?
I know why. Oh yes. Sony, Nintendo, Microsoft…. they are not electronics giants at all, that’s just what they’d like you to believe. They are really biological doo-dahs, dabbling with the very fabric of nature, ripping holes in the space/time continuum and allsorts. They sell you the ‘controllers’ which do act as controllers for a limited time- as long as it takes for them to get samples of your sweat and skin cells. This is all they need to clone you and take you away in the night, replacing you with the aforementioned clone.
Anyone who has ever returned a broken controller (Or thrown it out, or even just lost it- the controllers have a built in homing device) will literally feel my pain, when the men in white coats come, with the clone, handcuffs and wingtip shoes.
They can, however, be stopped. Firstly, all the clones speak with German accents (apparently they are more efficient that way) and wear wigs. Obvious, you’d think, but you would be surprised how unwilling people are to believe me. Second, they always come at exactly three in the morning, so set your alarm for 5 to and you’re probably safe by 5 past. Third, DO NOT RETURN BROKEN CONTROLLERS! If anything, lock them up somewhere no-one will ever find them. Because not only do they carry your DNA back to the doo-dahs, they are not actually broken. They are simply re-activated and sold to the next punter who will be cloned and murdered within a month.
SO IF ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY STARTS SPEAKING WITH A GERMAN ACCENT, OR WEARING A WIG, OR BOTH- THEN IT’S TIME TO CACK YOUR STRIDES.
Anyone who has ever bought a third party controller will feel my pain. I think back to my first one. I got a Playstation on Christmas five years ago, and midway through January I realised I would need two controllers if I wanted to pound anyone at Tekken.
When I got to the shop, I was torn (ha!) between an official Sony control (24.99) and a third party one (14.99). No prizes for guessing which I bought, being an impressionable youth and all. The point is, it broke within 2 weeks, and I was only mildly perturbed at that point. The problem would be easily enough solved with a trip back to the shop, I thought. (What a stupid person I am, can you believe I exchanged it for a different third party control?) That one lasted for about a month. The next time I shelled out the extra tenner, and my official Sony controller never gave me a spot of bother.
I can’t help thinking back to the days of the NES, with their solid, square, blocky controllers, which you couldn’t break if you wanted to. No amount of abuse ever raised even the slightest response from it, except a small creaking sound, which developed when the machine was about 10 years old.
What I want to know is how come controllers were so sturdy all those years ago, but now I am looking at 2 (two) broken controls for my playstation 2? HOW? COME?
I know why. Oh yes. Sony, Nintendo, Microsoft…. they are not electronics giants at all, that’s just what they’d like you to believe. They are really biological doo-dahs, dabbling with the very fabric of nature, ripping holes in the space/time continuum and allsorts. They sell you the ‘controllers’ which do act as controllers for a limited time- as long as it takes for them to get samples of your sweat and skin cells. This is all they need to clone you and take you away in the night, replacing you with the aforementioned clone.
Anyone who has ever returned a broken controller (Or thrown it out, or even just lost it- the controllers have a built in homing device) will literally feel my pain, when the men in white coats come, with the clone, handcuffs and wingtip shoes.
They can, however, be stopped. Firstly, all the clones speak with German accents (apparently they are more efficient that way) and wear wigs. Obvious, you’d think, but you would be surprised how unwilling people are to believe me. Second, they always come at exactly three in the morning, so set your alarm for 5 to and you’re probably safe by 5 past. Third, DO NOT RETURN BROKEN CONTROLLERS! If anything, lock them up somewhere no-one will ever find them. Because not only do they carry your DNA back to the doo-dahs, they are not actually broken. They are simply re-activated and sold to the next punter who will be cloned and murdered within a month.
SO IF ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY STARTS SPEAKING WITH A GERMAN ACCENT, OR WEARING A WIG, OR BOTH- THEN IT’S TIME TO CACK YOUR STRIDES.
Lol, very nice mate.
Prolly the best and longest post I'll read today...
;)
Prolly the best and longest post I'll read today...
;)
probably the longest post I'll write... ever.
I should never have smoked all that crack...
I should never have smoked all that crack...
One of the strangest posts ever.
Third-party stuff tends to be crap. I had some third-party memory cards for my N64 and they failed me miserably, so since then I've only ever bought better (albeit more pricey) official peripherals.
The conspiracy theory is rather disturbing...
Third-party stuff tends to be crap. I had some third-party memory cards for my N64 and they failed me miserably, so since then I've only ever bought better (albeit more pricey) official peripherals.
The conspiracy theory is rather disturbing...
HAHA, I got your hopes up by replying to your post but I didn't even read it. That'll teach you to spam, advertising yourself like a $3 wh0re.
I think that digital official controllers last for eons. When it comes to official analogue controllers, they last for ages but they become broken more quickly than digital ones. As for third party ones...they are rubbish. All of them. Every single one out there, bar none.
When I purchased Super Smash Bros for my GC, I had the option of paying an extra fiver and getting a third party controller. Being the avid, eager exuberant madman I am, I leaped at the chance. I got home and played it with Super Monkey Ball and experience the worst thing EVER - the analogue pad wasn't configured correctly and the monkey kept on edging over the side WITHOUT EVEN CONTROLLING IT. Before you mention it, yes I tried to "reset" the analogue to leave it in the central position while I rebooted but it had no effect. Snarling to myself, I threw it against the wall where it has still taken up prime residence. Of course it's broken now...
When I purchased Super Smash Bros for my GC, I had the option of paying an extra fiver and getting a third party controller. Being the avid, eager exuberant madman I am, I leaped at the chance. I got home and played it with Super Monkey Ball and experience the worst thing EVER - the analogue pad wasn't configured correctly and the monkey kept on edging over the side WITHOUT EVEN CONTROLLING IT. Before you mention it, yes I tried to "reset" the analogue to leave it in the central position while I rebooted but it had no effect. Snarling to myself, I threw it against the wall where it has still taken up prime residence. Of course it's broken now...
good post but i never buy 3rd party hardware now it's just poor quality
El Blokey wrote:
> HAHA, I got your hopes up by replying to your post but I didn't even
> read it. That'll teach you to spam, advertising yourself like a $3
> wh0re.
You really missed out then.
Christ, I'm glad I'm not you. and I'm a $5 wh0re, thanks very much.
> HAHA, I got your hopes up by replying to your post but I didn't even
> read it. That'll teach you to spam, advertising yourself like a $3
> wh0re.
You really missed out then.
Christ, I'm glad I'm not you. and I'm a $5 wh0re, thanks very much.
El Blokey wrote:
> HAHA, I got your hopes up by replying to your post but I didn't even
> read it. That'll teach you to spam, advertising yourself like a $3
> wh0re.
you cretin
> HAHA, I got your hopes up by replying to your post but I didn't even
> read it. That'll teach you to spam, advertising yourself like a $3
> wh0re.
you cretin
What is it with this board and having to have a clever insult like cretin, or snorse.
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