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"Hello and welcome to Robot Wars, I'm Craig Charles, and I'm going to talk like I'm straining on the loo for the next half hour. Have we got a show for you tonight! Now over to bird in leather trousers in the pits to see the teams."
"Thanks Craig, it took the best part of an hour to have these trousers stiched onto me so tightly this evening, as a result I haven't had time to put a top on! Anyway, here's our first robot, 'Wheely Big Knob', and here is it's creator Colin McChuff. So, Colin, can you tell us a little about the design of your robot?"
"Yes, it looks like a massive willy."
"Okay Colin, and what can it do?"
"Well it has a battering ram feature, and a self righting mechanism."
"I'm not wearing a top, does that turn you on?"
"My robot is very fast, and almost indestructable."
"I find you very attractive, would you like to come to my room after the show?"
"No thanks, I'm stripping the engine from my mothers wheelchair tonight."
"Okay, moving swiftly on to his rival tonight, 'Bap Attack', and here is the robot's talented builders, Arthur Toshenfluff, and his two young sons Bill and Ben. So, Arthur, what can you tell us about your robot, 'Bab Attack'.
"It looks like a pair of breasts. Really big ones."
"You haven't had sex in a very long time, have you?"
"Would you mind stepping aside, I have to weld on the nipples."
"Okay then, Bill, how do you think you'll do tonight?"
"We're gonna gring 'em to a pulp!"
"Excellent, and you Ben, how do you think it will go?"
Ben stares blankly at bird in leather trousers bare chest. "Fibble"
"Well the robots are almost ready for battle, so I'll hand you back to Craig on the toilet."
"Thanks, bird in leather trousers, nice baps there! I'll hand you over to our commentator who always seems about to climax, Jonathan Pierce.
"WHY THANK YOU CRAIG, WE HAVE AN AVERY EXCITING GRUDGE MATCH TONIGHT BETWEEN 'WHEELY BIG KNOB' AND 'BAP ATTACK' IT SHOULD BE A CLASSIC"
*turns down mike*
"3, 2, 1, go. 'Wheely Big Knob' has come flying out here, right into 'Bap Attack', Ben on the controls is trying to get his robot back under control, and tries a daring crush attack, the baps move apart, and close together swiftly, but Colin withdraws his 'Wheely Big Knob' before any damage can be done.
Oh! Now he's moving his robot to try to come at it from behind! 'Bap Attack' is having none of that though, and has backed away to the side of the arena.
'Wheely Big Knob' is charging forwards again furiously, the battering ram is really going into overdrive. 'Bap Attack' can't get out of the way, and has been pushed into the corner patrol zone.
One of the house robots 'Bum Wipe' is now ramming into 'Bap Attack' leaving it's filthy stench all over the robot.
But what's this? 'Wheely Big Knob' is now charging into the CPZ, right into 'Bum Wipe'!
'Bap Attack' takes the opportunity to escape!
'Wheely Big Knob has moved back into the main part of the arena to charge at 'Bap Attack' again, but 'Bap Attack' is ready with it's secret attack, the nipples have come out!
'Wheely Big Knob' has been knocked onto it's side!
Surely it's self righting mechanism will help it get back up.
No, he can't get it up!
Colin cannot get his 'Wheely Big Knob' up!!"
*Klaxon sounds*
"Looks like this one will have to go to the judges, back to you Craig."
The two teams stand either side of Craig as he announces the result.
"It's a split decision, but the winner is.... Wheely Big Knob!!!"
"Colin, you must be thrilled, but you seemed to have a bit of a problem getting it up at the end there?"
"Yes Craig, I'm sorry, it hasn't happened before!"
"And Arthur, how to you feel right now having been knocked out of the competition?"
"I would have won if I'd have been allowed to control it. But no. The wife said I had to let the boys help. I wasn't even building a robot, I just told her that so I coul dhang out in my porn shed and download stuff from the internet, but once she got her oar in I had to bloody well build one, didn't I. Then these bloody kids go screw it up for me."
"Um, thank you Arthur. For all you geeks and techo-bores, that's the joy of Robot Wars. Join us again next Friday, and every Friday for the rest of your life..."
"Thanks Craig, it took the best part of an hour to have these trousers stiched onto me so tightly this evening, as a result I haven't had time to put a top on! Anyway, here's our first robot, 'Wheely Big Knob', and here is it's creator Colin McChuff. So, Colin, can you tell us a little about the design of your robot?"
"Yes, it looks like a massive willy."
"Okay Colin, and what can it do?"
"Well it has a battering ram feature, and a self righting mechanism."
"I'm not wearing a top, does that turn you on?"
"My robot is very fast, and almost indestructable."
"I find you very attractive, would you like to come to my room after the show?"
"No thanks, I'm stripping the engine from my mothers wheelchair tonight."
"Okay, moving swiftly on to his rival tonight, 'Bap Attack', and here is the robot's talented builders, Arthur Toshenfluff, and his two young sons Bill and Ben. So, Arthur, what can you tell us about your robot, 'Bab Attack'.
"It looks like a pair of breasts. Really big ones."
"You haven't had sex in a very long time, have you?"
"Would you mind stepping aside, I have to weld on the nipples."
"Okay then, Bill, how do you think you'll do tonight?"
"We're gonna gring 'em to a pulp!"
"Excellent, and you Ben, how do you think it will go?"
Ben stares blankly at bird in leather trousers bare chest. "Fibble"
"Well the robots are almost ready for battle, so I'll hand you back to Craig on the toilet."
"Thanks, bird in leather trousers, nice baps there! I'll hand you over to our commentator who always seems about to climax, Jonathan Pierce.
"WHY THANK YOU CRAIG, WE HAVE AN AVERY EXCITING GRUDGE MATCH TONIGHT BETWEEN 'WHEELY BIG KNOB' AND 'BAP ATTACK' IT SHOULD BE A CLASSIC"
*turns down mike*
"3, 2, 1, go. 'Wheely Big Knob' has come flying out here, right into 'Bap Attack', Ben on the controls is trying to get his robot back under control, and tries a daring crush attack, the baps move apart, and close together swiftly, but Colin withdraws his 'Wheely Big Knob' before any damage can be done.
Oh! Now he's moving his robot to try to come at it from behind! 'Bap Attack' is having none of that though, and has backed away to the side of the arena.
'Wheely Big Knob' is charging forwards again furiously, the battering ram is really going into overdrive. 'Bap Attack' can't get out of the way, and has been pushed into the corner patrol zone.
One of the house robots 'Bum Wipe' is now ramming into 'Bap Attack' leaving it's filthy stench all over the robot.
But what's this? 'Wheely Big Knob' is now charging into the CPZ, right into 'Bum Wipe'!
'Bap Attack' takes the opportunity to escape!
'Wheely Big Knob has moved back into the main part of the arena to charge at 'Bap Attack' again, but 'Bap Attack' is ready with it's secret attack, the nipples have come out!
'Wheely Big Knob' has been knocked onto it's side!
Surely it's self righting mechanism will help it get back up.
No, he can't get it up!
Colin cannot get his 'Wheely Big Knob' up!!"
*Klaxon sounds*
"Looks like this one will have to go to the judges, back to you Craig."
The two teams stand either side of Craig as he announces the result.
"It's a split decision, but the winner is.... Wheely Big Knob!!!"
"Colin, you must be thrilled, but you seemed to have a bit of a problem getting it up at the end there?"
"Yes Craig, I'm sorry, it hasn't happened before!"
"And Arthur, how to you feel right now having been knocked out of the competition?"
"I would have won if I'd have been allowed to control it. But no. The wife said I had to let the boys help. I wasn't even building a robot, I just told her that so I coul dhang out in my porn shed and download stuff from the internet, but once she got her oar in I had to bloody well build one, didn't I. Then these bloody kids go screw it up for me."
"Um, thank you Arthur. For all you geeks and techo-bores, that's the joy of Robot Wars. Join us again next Friday, and every Friday for the rest of your life..."
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Heh, I didnt laugh out loud...but it did bring a smile to my face. Nice one geezer.
you insult robot wars and you insult razer.
Razer is the best robot on the planet ever.
Although i must admit that its gone a bit silly.
I think the attempt to add "attitude" has gone wrong. Most teams sound really crap when they try to sound hard. A few manage it but most don't. Anyway i want the 5th wars cos that will be more action less talk.
Razer Rules!
Razer is the best robot on the planet ever.
Although i must admit that its gone a bit silly.
I think the attempt to add "attitude" has gone wrong. Most teams sound really crap when they try to sound hard. A few manage it but most don't. Anyway i want the 5th wars cos that will be more action less talk.
Razer Rules!
Hahaha! Still as funny 3rd time round. Brilliant stuff!
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