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pb wrote:
> Interesting really how much people read in to a personality on a
> forum without even knowing the person.


After 6 years of chucking messages back and forth you pick up a lot from just a few words. In some cases you can read between the lines and find bits of sheep fluff.

Interesting really how much people read in to a personality on a forum without even knowing the person.

I don't think I really looked up to anyone on the forums, though I certainly respected talent like your Grix and FM, Meka et al. I respected Goatboy's ability to spin a political arguement too. There are people who stood out (and still stand out) for their contributions on here and back on SR, so I respect that.

Anyway, Grix, I don't think you've lost anything, you just need inspiration from somewhere.

That post had a very "end of term" feel to it Grix. Like you know that you've come to the end of something, something that you enjoyed.

I've realised that not writing on here wasn't good for me, but you get out of practice. There's threads on here that before I would have written a lengthy (and hopefully not full of rubbish) reply to. But I can't. It's like you get out of practice, the "jibber jabber" part of your brain just kind of closes down.

(I think I need to try and make this reply remotely connected to earlier posts)

I think that a lot of people looked up to a lot of other people on here when it was at its peak. But people move on, people change. I

Sod it, I've no idea where I'm going with this.

You look up to me? I can't get that one. Christ, I look up to you FM, always have done. But I won't turn this into a backslapping contest, as much as er, everyone loves that.

I guess.. for a while, I think people did look up to me, and I think I let that get to my head. I'd be very persuasive in my opinions, my thoughts. I'd want to be there for people and well, people on here were like my family. Hell, to be honest, that's still true. Although I've never met so many of you, I still care. That's something which perhaps is pretty strange, perhaps rare. To really care about people that don't have a face, that are simply words on a screen. I suppose that's why it made me angry to find people writing in a fashion that wasn't entirely honest with themselves, or us. I try to be open, I try to be as close to myself as I can possibly be.

And I really looked up to sincere, honest people on here. People who didn't care what people thought of them, but at the same time cared for them. It's been too many years now and I can't simply walk away from it all because, even if I try, I find myself caring again.

And I take myself too seriously and I perhaps don't have the strength that I once did. Nor the wisdom, or writing ability, perhaps. It always scared me a little of this 'legend' thing that I seemed to be labelled as. Like I was meant to give out advice, show people the way.. I don't see how I'm different to anyone else yet, people still vote for me.

But if I ever was this legendary figure, this creature that people looked up to, I sincerely think that time has passed. I mean, look at me, I'm just babbling about myself, and that's all I seem to do these days. I don't really have answers for anyone, I don't know how to help, especially when it's needed. I suppose I can entertain, but I'm not quite as good as that as I used to be, I think, either.

In the end, all I can be is myself. Perhaps I am depressed, yes. Perhaps I'm just seeing it like it is. There was a time where I'd write something on here, then get people leaving me messages on the forums and on MSN telling me how brilliant I was. As I said, it got to my head. I still try. I'll still try to add a little something to someone's day. But well.. I'm tired, I have little idea of how to do it, so again, I just babble about myself and hope I can find an answer for myself, to a question I don't know.

But I guess it's good that I'm writing again.

Thanks for the compliment FM. As I said, I look up to you, so that means a hell of a lot.

Grix Thraves wrote:
> I gave up on being drunk. Ironically my own self-pity has
> prohibited me from drinking any more. I'm not sure how that
> works.

It's self defence. You recognise you're depressed, so you drink to cheer yourself up. Then subconsiously you've realised that drink is a depressant and not really helping, so you stopped.

I can't figure out why you're depressed though, you're young, free, single and there are about 30 billion sheep in Pembroke.

I reckon it's because you haven't yet found your niche in life, haven't discovered what you really want to do and are afraid of the gulf of 'inconsequentiality' that's looming ahead of you for the foreseeable future. Don't worry about it, I was around 32 years old before I got over that one.

Meantime, just keep waffling away on here, you may not think it but after 'knowing' you for several years loads of us geeks on here look up to you and don't know what we'd do without our Grix.

I gave up on being drunk. Ironically my own self-pity has prohibited me from drinking any more. I'm not sure how that works.

I'm sober, do continue so I can come back to this thread later.

I'd make a post.

In fact I'm a little tipsy right now.

I am currently under the influence, but I wouldn't make a topic about it. Jeezus.

Humping crackpipes is fun.