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Farting. Trumping. Boffing. Popping or just basically... lettin' rip!
It's Weird - Y'know, sometimes, the aftermath often smells like something you had never eaten? Brocolli, sprouts, cabbage and the good ol’ egg. It’s not what you have eaten which make these smells. It’s the things you haven’t. Maybe a warning to people before they go out and buy a bag of sprouts like the ghost of sprout future coming to haunt your mum or dad before they even think of putting those evil greens on your plate.
Mix & Match – Hey, why not? Go all out to make the moment just that little bit more special. Bring some variety into your fragrances. Again, it’s what you *don’t* eat that makes the smell. So try making some recipes of your own. Don’t eat lemon and beefburgers for that citrus zesty fresh smell of a cattle ranch. Or how about a Crunchy chocolate bar and Salmon? You don’t want to get that fishy Friday feeling. Trust me.
Warning: Be careful when mixing and matching, always wear safety goggles and bullet proof, gas-releasing underwear*. Also be cautious of what you’re not eating together, results can be explosive.
Girls do it too, lads – Come on, own up… we’re onto you. We know you do it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, why not join in with the festivities? It’s all in good nature. Be warned though lads, a girl who passes you by and looks back with a cheeky grin doesn’t like your aftershave, and isn’t interested in your love. And no, it isn’t the local GAME that you’re walking past. It was her!
Lighting your first fart – You will need the following equipment: Source of fire (matches, lighter, open fire), a good fart brewing and a camera for future viewing and analysis. Lie down with your legs in the air. Hold your source of fire 1.5 inches away from your gas release chamber and when you’re ready, strain and use all your force (avoid following through – see extra notes) to let that baby come roaring out. A satisfyingly large flame should burst out leaving you proud and content. Capture some footage quickly as the average flame lasts only 1.73 seconds. Always wear bullet proof, gas-releasing underwear*.
Competitions – Hold your own ‘Fart-fest’ in your living room, office or class. See who is the best – the *real* men. Separate those from the weak and unsuccessful. Points should be recorded for:
1) Longest time
2) Loudest
3) Smell
4) Crowd reaction
5) Special points awarded for style, precision and acting.
Fast-Fart – New to the range of “fart-ery” comes Fast-Fart. Just wait for the right moment and leave there for approximately 15 seconds on Gas-Mark 4 and then release. Should come out warm and crisp after 16 seconds.
Advertisement: *cue guitar* “An ‘oven-baked’ freshness fills the air, the smell of smells that the others can’t bare!” *short blast of trumpet*
Following through – In the worst case scenario of “The Good. The Bad and The Ugly” this is definitely The Ugly. Avoid following through like the plague. Make sure you don’t apply too much pressure and force or the aftermath will be disastrous.
Places and times to do it – In school assembly, in the office, when you want people to stay away, when in the area or place you don’t like, in the bath, with mates and people you want to impress and essentially when it is quiet. It’s always a good way to spark off a conversation that has gone dry… maybe even communicate with it. The farting morse-code.
Places and time *not* to do it – Detention, in the boss’ office, when in the company of a girl you want to get off with, in a really long queue and basically anywhere or anyplace you’re expected to get a handbag in your face after you let it out.
Sharing – Once you have done the deal, make sure you share with everyone around you… it’s only good manners.
Now… go forth and fart!
*Bullet proof gas-releasing underwear – A special form of underwear suited for those who ‘like to be free’. Available from all retailers, across the UK, in all sizes and colours.
It's Weird - Y'know, sometimes, the aftermath often smells like something you had never eaten? Brocolli, sprouts, cabbage and the good ol’ egg. It’s not what you have eaten which make these smells. It’s the things you haven’t. Maybe a warning to people before they go out and buy a bag of sprouts like the ghost of sprout future coming to haunt your mum or dad before they even think of putting those evil greens on your plate.
Mix & Match – Hey, why not? Go all out to make the moment just that little bit more special. Bring some variety into your fragrances. Again, it’s what you *don’t* eat that makes the smell. So try making some recipes of your own. Don’t eat lemon and beefburgers for that citrus zesty fresh smell of a cattle ranch. Or how about a Crunchy chocolate bar and Salmon? You don’t want to get that fishy Friday feeling. Trust me.
Warning: Be careful when mixing and matching, always wear safety goggles and bullet proof, gas-releasing underwear*. Also be cautious of what you’re not eating together, results can be explosive.
Girls do it too, lads – Come on, own up… we’re onto you. We know you do it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, why not join in with the festivities? It’s all in good nature. Be warned though lads, a girl who passes you by and looks back with a cheeky grin doesn’t like your aftershave, and isn’t interested in your love. And no, it isn’t the local GAME that you’re walking past. It was her!
Lighting your first fart – You will need the following equipment: Source of fire (matches, lighter, open fire), a good fart brewing and a camera for future viewing and analysis. Lie down with your legs in the air. Hold your source of fire 1.5 inches away from your gas release chamber and when you’re ready, strain and use all your force (avoid following through – see extra notes) to let that baby come roaring out. A satisfyingly large flame should burst out leaving you proud and content. Capture some footage quickly as the average flame lasts only 1.73 seconds. Always wear bullet proof, gas-releasing underwear*.
Competitions – Hold your own ‘Fart-fest’ in your living room, office or class. See who is the best – the *real* men. Separate those from the weak and unsuccessful. Points should be recorded for:
1) Longest time
2) Loudest
3) Smell
4) Crowd reaction
5) Special points awarded for style, precision and acting.
Fast-Fart – New to the range of “fart-ery” comes Fast-Fart. Just wait for the right moment and leave there for approximately 15 seconds on Gas-Mark 4 and then release. Should come out warm and crisp after 16 seconds.
Advertisement: *cue guitar* “An ‘oven-baked’ freshness fills the air, the smell of smells that the others can’t bare!” *short blast of trumpet*
Following through – In the worst case scenario of “The Good. The Bad and The Ugly” this is definitely The Ugly. Avoid following through like the plague. Make sure you don’t apply too much pressure and force or the aftermath will be disastrous.
Places and times to do it – In school assembly, in the office, when you want people to stay away, when in the area or place you don’t like, in the bath, with mates and people you want to impress and essentially when it is quiet. It’s always a good way to spark off a conversation that has gone dry… maybe even communicate with it. The farting morse-code.
Places and time *not* to do it – Detention, in the boss’ office, when in the company of a girl you want to get off with, in a really long queue and basically anywhere or anyplace you’re expected to get a handbag in your face after you let it out.
Sharing – Once you have done the deal, make sure you share with everyone around you… it’s only good manners.
Now… go forth and fart!
*Bullet proof gas-releasing underwear – A special form of underwear suited for those who ‘like to be free’. Available from all retailers, across the UK, in all sizes and colours.
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I admit to it. It's natural.
Girls fart, but they just won't admit to it.
Farting. Trumping. Boffing. Popping or just basically... lettin' rip!
It's Weird - Y'know, sometimes, the aftermath often smells like something you had never eaten? Brocolli, sprouts, cabbage and the good ol’ egg. It’s not what you have eaten which make these smells. It’s the things you haven’t. Maybe a warning to people before they go out and buy a bag of sprouts like the ghost of sprout future coming to haunt your mum or dad before they even think of putting those evil greens on your plate.
Mix & Match – Hey, why not? Go all out to make the moment just that little bit more special. Bring some variety into your fragrances. Again, it’s what you *don’t* eat that makes the smell. So try making some recipes of your own. Don’t eat lemon and beefburgers for that citrus zesty fresh smell of a cattle ranch. Or how about a Crunchy chocolate bar and Salmon? You don’t want to get that fishy Friday feeling. Trust me.
Warning: Be careful when mixing and matching, always wear safety goggles and bullet proof, gas-releasing underwear*. Also be cautious of what you’re not eating together, results can be explosive.
Girls do it too, lads – Come on, own up… we’re onto you. We know you do it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, why not join in with the festivities? It’s all in good nature. Be warned though lads, a girl who passes you by and looks back with a cheeky grin doesn’t like your aftershave, and isn’t interested in your love. And no, it isn’t the local GAME that you’re walking past. It was her!
Lighting your first fart – You will need the following equipment: Source of fire (matches, lighter, open fire), a good fart brewing and a camera for future viewing and analysis. Lie down with your legs in the air. Hold your source of fire 1.5 inches away from your gas release chamber and when you’re ready, strain and use all your force (avoid following through – see extra notes) to let that baby come roaring out. A satisfyingly large flame should burst out leaving you proud and content. Capture some footage quickly as the average flame lasts only 1.73 seconds. Always wear bullet proof, gas-releasing underwear*.
Competitions – Hold your own ‘Fart-fest’ in your living room, office or class. See who is the best – the *real* men. Separate those from the weak and unsuccessful. Points should be recorded for:
1) Longest time
2) Loudest
3) Smell
4) Crowd reaction
5) Special points awarded for style, precision and acting.
Fast-Fart – New to the range of “fart-ery” comes Fast-Fart. Just wait for the right moment and leave there for approximately 15 seconds on Gas-Mark 4 and then release. Should come out warm and crisp after 16 seconds.
Advertisement: *cue guitar* “An ‘oven-baked’ freshness fills the air, the smell of smells that the others can’t bare!” *short blast of trumpet*
Following through – In the worst case scenario of “The Good. The Bad and The Ugly” this is definitely The Ugly. Avoid following through like the plague. Make sure you don’t apply too much pressure and force or the aftermath will be disastrous.
Places and times to do it – In school assembly, in the office, when you want people to stay away, when in the area or place you don’t like, in the bath, with mates and people you want to impress and essentially when it is quiet. It’s always a good way to spark off a conversation that has gone dry… maybe even communicate with it. The farting morse-code.
Places and time *not* to do it – Detention, in the boss’ office, when in the company of a girl you want to get off with, in a really long queue and basically anywhere or anyplace you’re expected to get a handbag in your face after you let it out.
Sharing – Once you have done the deal, make sure you share with everyone around you… it’s only good manners.
Now… go forth and fart!
*Bullet proof gas-releasing underwear – A special form of underwear suited for those who ‘like to be free’. Available from all retailers, across the UK, in all sizes and colours.
It's Weird - Y'know, sometimes, the aftermath often smells like something you had never eaten? Brocolli, sprouts, cabbage and the good ol’ egg. It’s not what you have eaten which make these smells. It’s the things you haven’t. Maybe a warning to people before they go out and buy a bag of sprouts like the ghost of sprout future coming to haunt your mum or dad before they even think of putting those evil greens on your plate.
Mix & Match – Hey, why not? Go all out to make the moment just that little bit more special. Bring some variety into your fragrances. Again, it’s what you *don’t* eat that makes the smell. So try making some recipes of your own. Don’t eat lemon and beefburgers for that citrus zesty fresh smell of a cattle ranch. Or how about a Crunchy chocolate bar and Salmon? You don’t want to get that fishy Friday feeling. Trust me.
Warning: Be careful when mixing and matching, always wear safety goggles and bullet proof, gas-releasing underwear*. Also be cautious of what you’re not eating together, results can be explosive.
Girls do it too, lads – Come on, own up… we’re onto you. We know you do it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, why not join in with the festivities? It’s all in good nature. Be warned though lads, a girl who passes you by and looks back with a cheeky grin doesn’t like your aftershave, and isn’t interested in your love. And no, it isn’t the local GAME that you’re walking past. It was her!
Lighting your first fart – You will need the following equipment: Source of fire (matches, lighter, open fire), a good fart brewing and a camera for future viewing and analysis. Lie down with your legs in the air. Hold your source of fire 1.5 inches away from your gas release chamber and when you’re ready, strain and use all your force (avoid following through – see extra notes) to let that baby come roaring out. A satisfyingly large flame should burst out leaving you proud and content. Capture some footage quickly as the average flame lasts only 1.73 seconds. Always wear bullet proof, gas-releasing underwear*.
Competitions – Hold your own ‘Fart-fest’ in your living room, office or class. See who is the best – the *real* men. Separate those from the weak and unsuccessful. Points should be recorded for:
1) Longest time
2) Loudest
3) Smell
4) Crowd reaction
5) Special points awarded for style, precision and acting.
Fast-Fart – New to the range of “fart-ery” comes Fast-Fart. Just wait for the right moment and leave there for approximately 15 seconds on Gas-Mark 4 and then release. Should come out warm and crisp after 16 seconds.
Advertisement: *cue guitar* “An ‘oven-baked’ freshness fills the air, the smell of smells that the others can’t bare!” *short blast of trumpet*
Following through – In the worst case scenario of “The Good. The Bad and The Ugly” this is definitely The Ugly. Avoid following through like the plague. Make sure you don’t apply too much pressure and force or the aftermath will be disastrous.
Places and times to do it – In school assembly, in the office, when you want people to stay away, when in the area or place you don’t like, in the bath, with mates and people you want to impress and essentially when it is quiet. It’s always a good way to spark off a conversation that has gone dry… maybe even communicate with it. The farting morse-code.
Places and time *not* to do it – Detention, in the boss’ office, when in the company of a girl you want to get off with, in a really long queue and basically anywhere or anyplace you’re expected to get a handbag in your face after you let it out.
Sharing – Once you have done the deal, make sure you share with everyone around you… it’s only good manners.
Now… go forth and fart!
*Bullet proof gas-releasing underwear – A special form of underwear suited for those who ‘like to be free’. Available from all retailers, across the UK, in all sizes and colours.
Page: