Viewing Thread:
"Dear Special Reserve..."

From: Sfone
Date: 15.01.03
To: Alistair Gray
Subject: Re:

How come you haven't updated the Game A Day list for so long?
Could you ban me, so that I get some sympathy?
If I gave you five pounds would you be able to let me win a game a day, because I haven’t won one before, and people laugh at my stupidity.

Also, could you do me a deal on 3 Xbox games, for around £10? Because I am a member.

Thanks very much
Sfone
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From: Alistair Gray
Date: 17.01.03
To: Sfone
Subject: Re:

I am not allowed, as a professional, to conduct these actions. You may have mixed me up with somebody who is corrupt, for example the United States of America. Were you thinking of America? Because I'm not America.

Please do not send any more unreasonable emails.
You bore me.

Alistair
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From: Sfone
Date: 18.01.03
To: Alistair Gray
Subject: Re:

Hi,

I am just wondering why you keep using my details to sign up for certain websites? I keep receiving emails from 'How to skin a goat' and 'click here for dog on horse action', these emails are very disturbing, and have caused me to cry on numerous occasions.

I just wondered, what do you gain from doing this, to me? Apart from the humour of the act on your behalf, I do not find it funny one single bit. If you sign me up to another of these websites, I am going to send anthrax to you, you will explode...

Yours sincerely
Sfone
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From: Sfone
Date: 17.02.03
To: Alistair Gray
Subject: Re:

OK, are you ignoring me on purpose? Because if you are, I know a good anthrax retailer around the corner. Don't annoy me, I'm warning you.

I want a response Mister. I want a response in the next day, or i will send the disease powder, to your cruddy HQ.

Yours faithfully
Sfone
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From: Alistair Gray
Date: 11.03.03
To: Sfone
Subject: Re:

Are you interested in a free loan?

Starting from only 2.3% APR.

Get the perfect Holiday, Car or house you always wanted*

*We may/ may not be Gypsies.
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From: Sfone
Date: 12.03.03
To: Alistair Gray
Subject: Re:

I hope you want to visit the graveyard, I have sent the anthrax. And a bomb to your address. I hope you like it. Losers

Thankfully
Sfone
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From: Alistair Gray
Date: 13.03.03
To: Sfone
Subject: Re:

We have not received any packages through the post, I'm afraid. Could you please stop threatening us because we don't really care about your antics, and deformed mind.

Oh, and by the way, have you been getting the 'hardcore' emails?
You really do need to sort yourself out mate.

Alistair Gray
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From: Sfone
Date: 13.03.03
To: Alistair Gray
Subject: Re:

I sent the anthrax, second-class delivery you moron. You know what the Royal Mail are like. Yes, I have been receiving the emails thank you very much, be careful, because I have a knife and will cut the Nottingham Special Reserve to pieces.

Yours anthraxly
Sfone
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From: Alistair Gray
Date: 15.03.03
To: Sfone
Subject: Re:

We received the package yesterday, we thank you very much for the talk powder. You should know that chalk, looks so much more realistic. Ah well, maybe next time.

And the Nottingham crew, are still sound. What’s happened?
Too scared? Try practising using the knife on your neck, I heard it sharpens it.

Alistair

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From: Sfone
Date: 15.03.03
To: Alistair Gray
Subject: Re:

Stut up, I h8 u, u stupid itiods. i am goin to kick u so damn hard u cry like a little baby boo hoo boo hoo

o thnks 4 the advice wid the knife
i m just about 2 try it

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From: Mail administrator
Date: 15.03.03
To: Sfone
Subject: Re:

This message was undelivered.

"From: Sfone
Date: 15.03.03
To: Alistair Gray
Subject: Re:"

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From: Police Enquiry Dept. Melton Mowbray
Date: 16.03.03
To: Alistair Gray
Subject: Do you have any information?

Unfortunately, a young boy was found dead lying next to his computer. We believe it could have been a murder.

We do not believe that anything from his computer will be able to help us with our enquiry, however we decided to check all the logs on the computer.

Do you have any information upon the situation?

Please help, this boy was found with a knife in his neck...

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From: Alistair Gray
Date: 17.03.03
To: Police Enquiry Dept. Melton Mowbray
Subject: Do you have any information?

Hardcore Dog on Duck Action,

Click here, the naughtiest canine on bird site on the web

Must see.

10/10 "Absolutely amazing" says the staff from GAME.

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From: Police Enquiry Dept. Melton Mowbray
Date: 16.03.03
To: Alistair Gray
Subject: Do you have any information?

You people make me sick...
And I fed primary school children excretion, saying it was an Asian delicacy (which wasn’t a lie)...

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Cheers

For the benefit of the disorderly, I present 'Dear Special Reserve...' :oD

Cool, i look forward to it.

A sequel, ey?

I doubt it...

...Possibly...

....Maybe....

.....Hell Yeah... :D

Give me some time though, I don't re-use material, but I promise it will be of the same or better standard than this one.

I cant believe this acctually didnt win! i read this and REALLY laughed out loud, not just that fake LOL, brilliant post, would you maybe, for me and all the other fans, make a sequel? good stuff!

POP

This is an infintely (spelling?) funny post and needs to go back to the top to make all the other crap go away.

Thanks again for the feedback, mucho appreciato :D

Nice - very funny...

I would of sent a picture of myself with a rifle just as a warning.

Then I'd go over there and drawn him in his own toilet!


*Looks at Sfone dangerously*

Awesome post dude. I hope this wins GAD.

Small Blue wrote:

> Eh?

Huh?

He used to be your father.