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"Ant's Quest For the Holy Sugar"

Cery short story I wrote whilst bored. Enjoy my warped sense of humour.



Ant was wandering idly around one day, looking his pesky sugar. It was eluding him, and for that he wasn’t pleased. Then he a-spied RastaBillySkank wandering up the road, looking for all the world like Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca.

“ Rasta, will you join me in my quest for the sugar?”

Rasta shrugged.

“ Join me Rasta. It is a noble quest.”

“ Dunno.”

“ Rasta, it is noble and just. And I’ll give a Gamecube.”

“ LET’S DO IT!”

So off set Ant and Rasta, on foot because this story is very low budget. Maybe they could steal some cars. Why not? So off set Ant and Rasta in a Toyota, because this story is still low budget. Along the street came AliBoy, wearing his Raybans and looking very slick.

“ AliBoy, join us. We have need of strong and able men, and we need you to lead us to them.”

“ Go away.”

“ What?”

“ Go away! I’m too busy looking cool. Ladies won’t want me if you are nearby.”

After a considerable laughing period, Ant straightened up.

“ No seriously. Come with us.”

AliBoy refused, so Rasta smashed him over the head with the Toyota’s spare tyre and bundled him into the back. Off they set again, trundling along the roads of Essex at a top speed of 20mph, because Ant wasn’t old enough to drive and this story isn’t insured. Another member of their gang arrived, looking shabby.

“ Wild night out Sheepy?” asked Ant, curiously.

“ Not really. I drank half of Tesco’s alcohol department.”

“ Oh, a quiet one then. Want to join us in the Quest for the Holy…eerrrr…. Lager?”

“ Is it Stella?”

“ No. That’s far too expensive. It’s Tesco’s Value.”

Sheepy staggered into the car and fell asleep on top of AliBoy.
“ You know, if this was ever shown, that last event might be controversial.” Remarked Ant.

“ Maybe.” Shrugged Rasta. And that was all that was said. They came across the last member of their gang sitting on a park bench.

“ Hey there Stryke. Whats up?”

“ It’s only a year and 4 days till Lord of the Rings Part Two!” yelled Stryke.

“ Yes. It’s also only 4 days till Lord of the Rings Part One.” Remarked AliBoy, muffled because Sheepy was on his head.

“ Oh yeah!” replied Stryke, for he was quite dim and stone cold sober, poor chap.

“ Get in Stryke.”

“ Why?”

“ Because.”

“ Good enough for me!”

So off they set, questing for the sugar Ant had lost only the day before. They left the boundaries of Essex and set out for the M25 megastore. Ant kicked open the doors. Well, he tried too. When he had recovered and Rasta had popped his kneecap back into joint, the doors automatically opened.

“ Welcome!” boomed a voice throughout the store. “ I am your impending doom.”

“ No you’re not, you’re Tonty.” Remarked AliBoy.

“ I was being menacing.” Boomed the voice again.

“ Oh. Sorry.”

The crew spread out around the empty store, searching for the sugar, that was the best source of sub-atomic energy on the planet. And it made gold. It was very special sugar, you see. Suddenly a door sprang open, and a mischevious sprite sprung out.

“ Alright Loki.”

The sprite faltered.

“ How do you know my secret identity?”

“ It’s on your name badge.” Remarked Ant. “ Now where’s my SUGAR!”

Loki laughed.

“ You can never have your sugar back!”

“ Oh. Fair enough.” Rasta then punched Loki, and he fell over. “ never liked him anyway.”

“ I did.” Squealed Stryke.

“ Shut up.”

They wandered cautiously through the door, fists raised. Then a strange woolly creature bounded from the shadows, snarling. It was only three foot high though.

“ Roar?” it said timidly.

“ Boo.” Said AliBoy.

“ Aaaaaaaaah!” It ran in terror. AliBoy smiled.

“ Who was that?”

“ Snuggly, probably.”

“ Ah.”

They walked further into the bowels of SR, looking for Tonty. They emerged into a huge antechamber, and saw Tonty sitting on a chair, a pile of sugar in front of him.

“ THAT’S MY SUGAR!” yelled Ant. Tonty smiled thinly.

“ You shall never have it back. Soon I plan to use its powers to take over Amazon, and Microsoft.”

“ Of course! After you have Microsoft, the world is but a short step away.” Exclaimed Rasta.

“ So where’s this lager?” asked Sheepy, looking around the cave.

“ There is no lager.”

“ You lied to me?” exclaimed Sheepy.

“ Actually, there’s some lager in the fridge. Help yourself.” Said Tonty amicably.

“ Oh, thanks very much.” Smiled Sheepy, and wandered off. Ant took advantage of the slight diversion to dive for the sugar. Tonty yelled and dived forward too. In the end, their heads clashed and laid them both out. Rasta wandered over and slowly picked up the sugar.

“ Huzzah! The world is saved! Drinks on Ant!”

They proceeded to pick up the prone Ant and walk back to the Toyota. Then they went down the pub, and propped Ant on a wall after grabbing his wallet.

“ Hey, lads, can I have a drink?”

“Sure!”

They threw out a can of Coke.


That was the story of Ant and his sugar.

Oh oh. It's CD-Rs now, is it?

*dodges some more, and throws random bullets*

Hm, I should probably join in and defend Phil..

.. nah :D

black dragon? black dragon? pah!

It's an antec and i'm proud of it!

And i've already hit him with it..

Anyway...

*Whooo throws some blank CD-Rs at gaz

Well, I have the power of films.

*dons a Bond tuxedo and avoids all projectiles*

Muaha. I send mine and Andi's Black Dragons at you. Die.

(sorry andi)

Where is Votty? And RBS? And Goatboy? ONWARDS!

*throws DVDs of A.I randomly*

Damnit, where's Rob, Luke and Andi when you need to draw fire away from yourself..

Do what you want to the PS2, just don't touch the PC, or I'll eat you.

*hides behind a 19" and flings deltas at assault team*

/me rams a P75 pins first into nancy boy gaz's face then hits him over the head with his Antec..

emergency! no time for commands!
*throws stone at nerd boy*

ow! Boy, that's gonna sting in the morning. Maybe i shouldn't have touched his PC.

*shrugs and batters Reaper's PS2 with a authentic replica Sting from LotR*