Viewing Thread:
"Ant's Quest For the Holy Sugar"

Cery short story I wrote whilst bored. Enjoy my warped sense of humour.



Ant was wandering idly around one day, looking his pesky sugar. It was eluding him, and for that he wasn’t pleased. Then he a-spied RastaBillySkank wandering up the road, looking for all the world like Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca.

“ Rasta, will you join me in my quest for the sugar?”

Rasta shrugged.

“ Join me Rasta. It is a noble quest.”

“ Dunno.”

“ Rasta, it is noble and just. And I’ll give a Gamecube.”

“ LET’S DO IT!”

So off set Ant and Rasta, on foot because this story is very low budget. Maybe they could steal some cars. Why not? So off set Ant and Rasta in a Toyota, because this story is still low budget. Along the street came AliBoy, wearing his Raybans and looking very slick.

“ AliBoy, join us. We have need of strong and able men, and we need you to lead us to them.”

“ Go away.”

“ What?”

“ Go away! I’m too busy looking cool. Ladies won’t want me if you are nearby.”

After a considerable laughing period, Ant straightened up.

“ No seriously. Come with us.”

AliBoy refused, so Rasta smashed him over the head with the Toyota’s spare tyre and bundled him into the back. Off they set again, trundling along the roads of Essex at a top speed of 20mph, because Ant wasn’t old enough to drive and this story isn’t insured. Another member of their gang arrived, looking shabby.

“ Wild night out Sheepy?” asked Ant, curiously.

“ Not really. I drank half of Tesco’s alcohol department.”

“ Oh, a quiet one then. Want to join us in the Quest for the Holy…eerrrr…. Lager?”

“ Is it Stella?”

“ No. That’s far too expensive. It’s Tesco’s Value.”

Sheepy staggered into the car and fell asleep on top of AliBoy.
“ You know, if this was ever shown, that last event might be controversial.” Remarked Ant.

“ Maybe.” Shrugged Rasta. And that was all that was said. They came across the last member of their gang sitting on a park bench.

“ Hey there Stryke. Whats up?”

“ It’s only a year and 4 days till Lord of the Rings Part Two!” yelled Stryke.

“ Yes. It’s also only 4 days till Lord of the Rings Part One.” Remarked AliBoy, muffled because Sheepy was on his head.

“ Oh yeah!” replied Stryke, for he was quite dim and stone cold sober, poor chap.

“ Get in Stryke.”

“ Why?”

“ Because.”

“ Good enough for me!”

So off they set, questing for the sugar Ant had lost only the day before. They left the boundaries of Essex and set out for the M25 megastore. Ant kicked open the doors. Well, he tried too. When he had recovered and Rasta had popped his kneecap back into joint, the doors automatically opened.

“ Welcome!” boomed a voice throughout the store. “ I am your impending doom.”

“ No you’re not, you’re Tonty.” Remarked AliBoy.

“ I was being menacing.” Boomed the voice again.

“ Oh. Sorry.”

The crew spread out around the empty store, searching for the sugar, that was the best source of sub-atomic energy on the planet. And it made gold. It was very special sugar, you see. Suddenly a door sprang open, and a mischevious sprite sprung out.

“ Alright Loki.”

The sprite faltered.

“ How do you know my secret identity?”

“ It’s on your name badge.” Remarked Ant. “ Now where’s my SUGAR!”

Loki laughed.

“ You can never have your sugar back!”

“ Oh. Fair enough.” Rasta then punched Loki, and he fell over. “ never liked him anyway.”

“ I did.” Squealed Stryke.

“ Shut up.”

They wandered cautiously through the door, fists raised. Then a strange woolly creature bounded from the shadows, snarling. It was only three foot high though.

“ Roar?” it said timidly.

“ Boo.” Said AliBoy.

“ Aaaaaaaaah!” It ran in terror. AliBoy smiled.

“ Who was that?”

“ Snuggly, probably.”

“ Ah.”

They walked further into the bowels of SR, looking for Tonty. They emerged into a huge antechamber, and saw Tonty sitting on a chair, a pile of sugar in front of him.

“ THAT’S MY SUGAR!” yelled Ant. Tonty smiled thinly.

“ You shall never have it back. Soon I plan to use its powers to take over Amazon, and Microsoft.”

“ Of course! After you have Microsoft, the world is but a short step away.” Exclaimed Rasta.

“ So where’s this lager?” asked Sheepy, looking around the cave.

“ There is no lager.”

“ You lied to me?” exclaimed Sheepy.

“ Actually, there’s some lager in the fridge. Help yourself.” Said Tonty amicably.

“ Oh, thanks very much.” Smiled Sheepy, and wandered off. Ant took advantage of the slight diversion to dive for the sugar. Tonty yelled and dived forward too. In the end, their heads clashed and laid them both out. Rasta wandered over and slowly picked up the sugar.

“ Huzzah! The world is saved! Drinks on Ant!”

They proceeded to pick up the prone Ant and walk back to the Toyota. Then they went down the pub, and propped Ant on a wall after grabbing his wallet.

“ Hey, lads, can I have a drink?”

“Sure!”

They threw out a can of Coke.


That was the story of Ant and his sugar.

We are no longer the Knights who say Ni!

Ni! Sssh.

We are now the Knights who say ecky ecky ecky ecky p'tang zooo boing ssswuemfn.

we are the Knights who say Ni!

Ni Ni NI!

Do say Ni at us!

Noooooooo

NI NI NI

Nu

Its Ni

Nuii

Ni

Ni

there we go

*Teams with Gaz*

*Pokes the nerd-boys*

Muah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

*Says "Ni" At them*

Ni, ni, ni, niiiiiiii And so on and so forth.

Hehe, that was brilliant Stryke, very funny.

All about me too. Wonderful. {:)

hey!
mine's all sticky!

I want a refund!

erm... that is.. I want another one!

Reaper[oV] wrote:


*hides behind a 19" and flings deltas at assault team*

A 19" what exactly? ;-)

Something of mine I suspect eh?

*Throws 2 pound coins at everyone*

Nice one :o)

Should of made them steal a Lada or something really high class like that :o)

So where was Aliboy? Stuck in the boot? I know Sheepy wondered off and Ant was Almost dead (Sorta) Poor him. I hope you gave him a drink ;-)

Another entertaining story from Gaz himself. (Me :oP)

How evil.

Luke, if you wont help by choice, I'll get you absolutely plastered and send you at Gaz, limbs flying.

In fact..

*goes off to find beer*

Oh..er..

*launches some random act of violence towards the DVD scum, involving large 7200rpm fans and body parts. Go injure yourselves*

Muahahahahah. Grix is on my side. Actually, he's a notable, so it's more like I'm on his side.

*hides behind Grix and throws Heat DVDs, which no-one wants*

I find it very difficult to get emotional about a processor... so I'm teaming with the DVD bunch.

Nice little story, by the way. :0)